Harry Does Different
by joemjackson
Summary: One-shots of moments where a scene goes different. Expect everything ...slapstick, cursing, violence, sexual innuendo, tragedy, etc. etc. Anything may happen to any character. Not just canon events, assorted fanfics are honored, ridiculed, homaged. Also with sequels. Not just what happened, but what happened later. *Not JKR* JMJ
1. Chapter 1

Harry Does Different

I Love Magic

The Dursleys had a horrible week. Ever since their Freak got envelops addressed to him. Finally the only option was to flee Privet Dr. and hide in a rundown cottage in the middle of nowhere.

On July 30th at 11:57pm 10 year old Harry Potter laid on the dirt floor and began drawing himself a birthday cake. His relatives ignored him. By 11:59pm he was drawing candles on his dirt cake. At precisely midnight he drew his eleventh candle. Moments later, the cabin door was ripped off its hinges and crashed to the floor.

"No' ev'ry day ur yung man turns leven." The bearded giant boomed "Sorry there Hry. Mighta sat on it."

The small bespectacled boy gulped, glared at his quivering relatives and bravely stepped forward "A-a c-cake?" he stammered "Th-th-ank y-you ve-verry much, s-s-sir."

"An' o'course y'r letter to 'Ogwarts." The giant announced with a huge grin. "Course, you'll know all'bout 'Ogwarts."

With trembling fingers, Harry took the envelope and read. It was addressed to him. He looked all the way up the mountain of man and fearfully replied "S-sorry sir. N-n-no."

"No?" Hagrid was shocked. He glared at the Dursleys accusingly and growled "You tol'him nuthin! Bout his parents!"

Petunia and Vernon flinched when Harry answered "They died in a car crash."

"A car crash!?" he boomed "Killed Lily and James Potter! A CAR CRASH! IT'S A OUTRAGE! A SCANDAL! Y'ere a wizard Harry."

Harry's disbelief overcame any fear "I can't be a wizard. I'm just Harry." He replied.

"CAKE!" Dudley yelled greedily, snatched the box away and began stuffing pieces in his face.

Petunia defended "We had to tell him something."

"An' y'll be goin' t'the best school in tha world!" Hagrid declared.

Vernon stomped his foot and declared "I will not pay some old fool to teach him magic tricks!"

"Nobody insults Albus Dumbledore in front o' me!" the giant roared. And he pointed a ratty umbrella at cousin Dudley's rear.

Harry's face lit up in delight as sparkles faded, leaving behind a pigtail on his oversized cousin's rear. "Wicked!" he exclaimed "Lemme try!" he grabbed the umbrella, said "Bigger!"

Again, Dudley's rear glowed. The small curly-q of a pigtail doubled, tripled and quadrupled in size. The oversized boy was soon dwarfed by the pigtail. He went from screaming and dancing around to yelling as he fell over due to being unable to balance. All the Dursleys panicked.

"Here mister." Said a smirking Harry, handing back the umbrella "I love magic."


	2. Chapter 2:Express Intros

The Trio starts off different

* * *

Harry Does Different A

"You're Harry Potter!" the bushy haired girl declared as she sat across from him "I am Hermione Granger. And, you are?"

The freckled boy answered with a half full mouth "Ron Weasley."

Hermione gave an unpleasant look and turned back "I recognize you from my first wizard book. I'm still reading it. You must be in at least Fourth Year to know how to kill a blast end skrewt."

"A what?" asked a confused Harry.

She pulled a book from her bag "See? The-Boy-Who-Lived in the Channel Islands. The back summary-"

"This is silly!" exclaimed Harry "I've never even been out of Surrey except last week!"

Hermione looked outraged, cried "Books don't lie!"

"Uncle Vernon once sued someone for fraud." Harry said "I'll be looking into it. Can I borrow your book as proof?"

She nodded , declaring "This is just horrible!" Handing it over like the book itself had committed a crime.

"What about the scar?" asked Ron.

Harry glared at him coldly and said "It's not something that great. My parents got murdered when I got it."

"Sorry." The redhead muttered.


	3. Chapter 3:Shrieking Shack

Harry Does Different B

The Shrieking Shack

"He's an animagus!" Ron screamed. He was torn between cradling his injured ankle and protecting his terrified Scabbers.

The huge Grim that Harry had been warned about all year snarled at his friend then turned into a man.

"Sirius Black!" wailed Hermione "Run Harry! He's going to kill you!"

The disheveled escapee laughed wildly and declared "Only one will die tonight!"

"Then it'll be you!" Harry roared. Fueled by hate of his parents' betrayer, he ripped away from his friends, shoved Black to the floor and jammed his wand into the man's neck.

The criminal laughed insanely "Are you going to kill me, Harry?"

" _Expelliarmus_!" Remus Lupin burst through the door and disarmed his student.

Hermione screamed in fury "NO! ALL THIS TIME YOU WERE HIS FRIEND! He's a werewolf!"

"You really are the cleverest witch of your age." The DADA teacher complimented "How long have you known?"

She automatically answered "Since Professor Snape set the essay."

"You FUCKER!" Harry hated this liar who pretended to be his friend nearly as much as Black "Even Snape gave me an O for my essay." He sneered, snatched his friend's wand from her, aimed at Lupin and yelled "ARGENTUM!" Particles of silver leapt from the wand straight to his target.

The werewolf collapsed under the stream of toxic substance. He scratched at his hands and face. Gagged as it invaded his lungs. Bled from his eyes and mouth. He howled in sheerest agony.

"Harry! NO!" Sirius wailed as his friend suffered. He charged his Godson, slapped the wand away, then threw himself on his friend.

The teens were busy rearming themselves, so ignoring Ron's rat. At least until it transformed into a man. Who snatched up a shard of rotten wood, fell upon the criminal and drove it through his back.

"Har-ry" Sirius whimpered as his broken body bent over. He clutched the wood protruding out his chest "Pet-er is the-"

The former rat/turned man seized a rock and bashed the dying criminal's head, immediately turned; addressed the youngsters kindly "Don't look kids. It's horrible."

"So! Who the fuck are you?" Ron demanded, pointing his wand square at the man.

He answered "P-p-peter Pet-ti-tigrew. Harry, you look s-so much l-like James. Ron, your brothers know me as Wormtail. Lupin is Moony, Black is Padfoot and James, he w-w-was Prongs. H-ha-Harry, after that night, Sirius, he tried to kill me. So I transformed, found the Weasleys. We all fought You-Know-Who and I knew they had a boy your age. But I knew you weren't safe as l-long as Black was alive. I just hoped I would be close to you when Hogwarts started. And it worked. I could quietly keep watch over you almost all the time. And… if it… well -they were my best friends. But you are more important."

"Would you tell me about?" Harry asked, hesitantly.

Peter smiled kindly "Your parents? I'd be glad to, Harry. Forgive me, talking is hard after being in my Animagus for what? 13 years? First, we need to get these two traitors, and Snivilus back to the castle. May I borrow a wand? _Mobilcorpus_! Follow me!"

Harry exchanged questioning looks with his friends. They had a silent conversation, nodded and smiled at each other. Then Harry grinned at the last Marauder. "Snivilus?" he giggled "I think I like him."

"I dont think we should mention that to Professor Snape." Hermione commented, refusing to smile at it.

Ron giggled along with Harry "But, maybe Fred and George?"

Two dead bodies, one unconscious Potions Professor, followed by a long missing Order of Merlin winner and three shocked Hogwarts students made their way back through to the school. Hidden from the children's view Peter Pettigrew wore a pleased, calculating smirk. This night could easily have ended in his death. But he still had much to worry about. His weak explanation fooled a trio of children, but it needed much work to fool Dumbledore and The Ministry. James stories should convince Harry, Peter's smirk became a toothy smile.

* * *

Bleak.. I know


	4. Chapter 4:Molly & The Statutes

[a/n] Light Weasley bashing after the bleakness of my previous 1shot

Harry Does Different C

Ordinarily, Vernon Dursley could not care less about where his wife's freak nephew went. This situation was an exception however. Even worth the cost of parking. He led the brat through King's Cross rattling off the platform numbers "Six…Seven…Eight… NINE …T E N!" he glared down and whispered "Nine and three quarters? Good luck Freak! Don't call me expecting a ride home."

"Fat bastard." Harry cursed at his uncle's departing rear. But his attention was caught by a loud voice.

"… muggles everywhere." A rather large redhaired woman, leading a large group of hedhaired children announced "Ginny dear, what is the platform number?"

Harry saw a small girl half-running to keep up "Nine and three quarters, Mummy." She huffed.

"Muggles?" Harry said quietly. And decided to follow the family. Then, to his astonishment, one after another, they disappeared. So he politely asked "Ma'am… how do you?"

The woman smiled, answered "First time to Hogwarts? It's Ron's first time too. Just walk at the barrier. Best do it at a bit of a run. No need to be nervous."

"Good luck." The girl said with a smile.

Harry smiled and said "Thanks." Then ran through.

*******November 5 Hogwarts Library

"That's McGonagall's essay done!" Harry sighed in relief.

Hermione smiled approvingly and Ron pushed himself up from the table, announced "Let's go eat."

"Actually, I'll catch up in a bit." Said Harry, looking at a pair of Hufflepuffs. And, after his friends departed, he walked over tapped the redhead on the shoulder said "Hiya, Susan, can I ask you something?"

Surprised, but receptive, she answered "Sure, Harry. What's on your mind?"

"Well. Sorry. Not to be rude, Hannah." He addressed the blonde "It's a little personal. Well, it might be, anyway."

The girls looked at each other, at Harry, each other, giggled, at Harry, glared at each other. Then Hannah gathered her books and skipped away humming under her breath "Suzy gotta boyfriend!"

"Hannah!" Susan growled and blushed "Ignore my best friend. She's being transferred to St. Mungo's tonight."

Harry did not know what that meant, so he just smiled and sat across from the girl "No problem. So …ahh…anyway."

"I can't believe Snape." She offered "He took 10 points from you for being late and barely glanced at Malfoy."

He rolled his eyes, countered "Careful, you might lose points for sitting next to Ron."

"Heheheheh." She couldn't help but giggle "Cute and funny."

Harry frowned in confusion, shrugged "During class the other day, we learned about the Secrecy Statutes."

"Ahhhhhhh…too early." Susan sighed, rolled her eyes "Boys. Sorry Auntie."

Harry nodded, excitedly "Right, Susan! You talked about her. Head of the …uhhh…Law Ministry."

"Actually the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. DMLE for short." She corrected, and with more than a hint of pride added "Aunt Amelia is the head."

He looked in the direction his friends left, then half whispered "Look, I think I should report what was probably a crime but I …ahhh… don't know how much of a crime… And I'd …uhmm… really hate to get a fr…ahhh…someone I know in trouble without a good reason."

"How about this?" she suggested "You write a letter, describe what you saw. I'll send it to Auntie, even keep your name out of it. I'll say 'a classmate' wanted some information."

Harry nodded, he liked the idea "Thank you, Susan."

**********November 7, Great Hall, dinner

"Merlin's Beard! You'd think they were attached at the hips!" was heard among those sitting closest to the First Year Hufflepuffs "Well at least Weasley's out of the way."

Hannah sing-songed "Harry and Suzy lalala sitting in a tree lalala K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

"Shut up Abbott!" the redhead sneered at her friend. Got up and made her way to Gryffindor "Hermione." She greeted, casually "For you Harry."

He looked at the envelope, asked "A C MoM S?"

"Anonymous ClassMate of My Niece Susan." The visitor explained.

Hermione intercepted the letter before it could quite get into Harry's grip "Why would the Director of Magical Law Enforcement be writing you, Harry? OH! HOW RUDE!" She was glaring at Susan.

"I'm not quite sure about the Muggle word, but besides rude… interfering with post is illegal." Susan countered. Her tone was utterly casual, no anger at all in it. She even smiled.

Harry meanwhile read

 _Dear Young Man/Lady_

 _I do appreciate your concern for our world. The Secrecy Statutes are taken very seriously for very good reasons. You should tell me who did this. They are in some trouble, but more importantly, they need to know what they did was wrong. And why. I can promise that they will not be punished too harshly._

 _Thank you for being a good new citizen of Magical Britain_

 _Amelia Bones_

 _Department of Magical Law Enforcement_

***********December 23, Great Hall

"Fed and watered we all are." Headmaster Dumbledore announced "But, before you all depart for the Yule Holiday, I have a commendation. To Mr. Harry Potter, in honor of his excellent understanding of the Statutes of Secrecy. And for his assistance in enforcing the same, the Ministry of Magic's Department of Magical Law Enforcement thanks you. This certificate is signed by Amelia Bones, head of our Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Well done, Harry, well done. Hogwarts will also honor this achievement by the award of thirty points to Gryffindor."

Gryffindor erupted with applause, and other Houses offered smatterings of applause too. Harry was patted on the back as he went to get his award. And he shook hands the Professors McGonagall and Dumbledore. Susan Bones gave him a congratulatory wave as he bounced down the steps.

"Way to go Harry!" Ron congratulated him "What did you do?"

He shook his head answering "Sorry, Madam Bones said I couldn't say." That, he thought, was a great out after he gave all the who's who of the occurrence. Madam Bones gave him a way to do the right thing without losing his best friend.

Ron looked rather annoyed, but couldn't stay that way in light of his celebrating Housemates.


	5. Chapter 5:Different Duel

[a/n] Cheers to Slytherin66 for your insights. Quite as good as some of my tales. A bit of Snape gets his. More coming in this vane.

* * *

Harry Does Different D

Dueling Club Duel

Harry, along with the majority of the boys in the room, cheered as Professor Lockhart was blasted a good twenty feet by a bolt from Professor Snape's wand. The majority of the girls, conversely, gasped in worry as the handsomest Professor crashed.

"Well done showing them that, Professor Snape." He covered his stinging hip by boasting "Had I wanted to block it would have been only too easy. Now! How about a volunteer pair? Potter! Weasley!"

The Head of Slytherin interrupted "Weasley's wand causes destruction wherever he goes. Might I suggest someone from my own House? Malfoy? Perhaps?" He flicked a directing thumb over his shoulder, smirking.

"Yes sir!" Draco was thrilled at the chance. He climbed the table and marched across, sneering the whole way "Scared Potter?"

Harry was no less eager to see his nemesis fly across the Great Hall. He snapped his wand up and retorted "You wish."

All the Gryffindors and Slytherins were eagerly watching to see their Housemate score a victory.

"Cast your charms." Lockhart said "To DISARM! **O N L Y!"**

Draco beat the ten count, by a bit. Enough to send Harry flying, and sliding almost off the edge. The Gryffindor jumped to his feet and sent the Slytherin just as far, but landing with a spine bending thump.

"On your feet!" Snape mercilessly yanked Draco to his feet and shoved him forward.

The one psycho-warfare curse all Slytherins knew was " _ **Serpensortia**_!"

" _Mammalssssss. Food_." The snake hissed as it appeared about halfway between the duelers. He thought a rather large dark haired male looked especially juicy.

Justin Finch-Fletchley froze in terror. Hannah Abbott and Susan Bones started pushing him away.

" _Sssstop! Ssssnake! SSSSSTOP_!" Harry yelled, not even realizing he wasn't talking English.

The snake spun, surprised " _An intelligent mammal! Go away! I'm hungry_!" and turned back to her prey.

" _Sssstop! Ssssnake! SSSSSTOP_!" Harry repeated. His mind flashed back to the zoo for his cousin's birthday. He was talking to the snake, he realized. " _Attack the blonde male instead_!"

Snape pulled his wand "Don't be scared, Potter. I'll get rid of it. _Evanasca_!"

" _Jump! Watch out for the greasy git_!" Harry yelled. His levitation spell got to the snake before Snape's spell did. Lifting her high into the air. Then landed her on Draco.

Drool ran out of the snake's mouth. Most of her sensuous body curled around the blonde mammal's neck and tightened. Then she drove her fangs into prey's fleshy cheek.

"Help! Save me!" Draco gasped and gagged "Poison! Dying!" He fell, clawing at the snake.

Killing his nemesis was no part of Harry's plan. He called the snake off. Also , he realized, Snape might kill the snake. He didn't want that either. " _Come here_!" he told the snake " _Greasy wants to hurt you! I'll feed you. And protect you!"_

" _Very well, sssspeaker_." Agreed the snake, not at all panicked. She uncurled from Draco's neck, slashed her scaled tail across Snape's face, drawing a line of blood. She slithered down the Potion Master, straight to Harry and looped around his ankle.

Harry allowed the snake to slither up his body, perch herself on his shoulder, then bounced off the tables. When everyone, including Ron and Hermione, backed away he asked "What did I do?"

"Drink this, boy!" a worried Madam Pomfrey ordered, then "And, here, swallow this."

Snape was after Harry, enraged, he grabbed him by the arm declaring "Attempted murder, Potter? I will see you expelled for this!"

" _Bad mammal_!" the snake exclaimed and dug her fangs into Snape's wrist.

Hermione yelled "Madam Pomfrey!"

"Bloody! 'Mione' couldn't ya wait?" Ron grumbled as Snape fell to his knees.

The Potion Master seemed to recover much faster than his student. He gave Ron a lethal glare and gritted "That will be a hundred points from Gryffindor. And Potter! March up to the Headmaster's office. Keep that beast away from me!"

"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

"Harry…..and Professor Snape?" Headmaster Dumbledore greeted them "What can I do for you?"

Snape answered "This brat attempted to murder myself and a classmate! I demand his immediate expulsion!"

"He's been wanting me expelled since last year." Harry retorted with a snort, and pet the snake.

Dumbledore frowned "Now, now. Harry that is no way to address a professor. And Severus, let us handle this civilly. Please, tell me what happened."

"This brat-" Snape began.

The snake hissed and Harry giggled "My new friend says and I quote Greasy is disrespectful."

"That'll be fifty points, Potter." Snape growled.

Harry shrugged "And how many off Slytherin for calling me a brat?"

"Potter ordered that snake to attack Draco Malfoy and if that was not enough he then ordered it to attack me." Snape reported.

The Headmaster turned to the pupil and asked "Your version, Harry?"

"During Professor Lockart's dueling club, I faced off against Malfoy. Who cheated by the way." And barely taking a breath so as not to be interrupted "Malfoy then conjured my new friend here to attack me. Instead, she went after Justin Finch-Fletchley of Hufflepuff. I told her to go after Malfoy instead."

Snape grinned evilly "As I said, attempted murder."

"Then, surely, Malfoy should be charged equally. How about we let the Courts work it out?" Harry suggested, waggling his eyebrows at the Headmaster.

Dumbledore replied "No need for that, Harry."

"If Snape returns the hundred fifty points he took from Gryffindor." Harry answered.

The Head of Slytherin snarled threateningly while the Headmaster quietly scolded "That is PROFESSOR Snape."

"AND he apologizes **PUBLICLY** for constantly calling me a brat." Harry crossed his arms and took a stubborn stance, ignoring the Headmaster's instruction.

Snape's lip curled, an angry noise came from deep in his throat and he reached for his wand. Harry didn't know that until the Headmaster blocked the movement. Several of the former Headmaster paintings openly cheered. Former Headmaster Weasley speaking for them "Well done young Gryffindor! Well done!"

"Severus, you will comply with Harry's demands immediately." Ordered Dumbledore "Harry, I trust you understand the term Pyrrhic Victory. If not, ask Miss Granger. Dismissed."


	6. Chapter 6:Snape's Pensieve

[a/n] First of a pair of Snape bashing moments. This, a prank.

Harry Does Different E

 **Snape's Pensieve**

Waiting in Snape's office was boring, and annoying. "Remedial Potions, indeed." Harry snorted, and like any teen, his eyes wandered about and they fell on something familiar. He approached it and just had to indulge his curiosity "Like the one Dumbledore has."

" _I'll get you for this, Potter!" a teenage boy with greasy hair roared._

 _Four boys laughed, all wearing the red and gold Lion Crest, as one flicked his wand "That's what you always say Snivilus_!"

" _Arrogant swine." He sneered. But then his wand was flicked away by an_ Expelliarmus _, then he was dangling high over snow-coated grass. Kicking his legs and waving his arms, the Slytherin struggled futilely._

 _Two of the Gryffindors did a silly dance around each other singing "Poor greasy Snivilus!"_

" _James Charlus Potter! Shame on you, you bully!" a redhead Gryffindor girl pushed through the boys. She stood beside her flailing friend, pulled her wand and growled "Let him go or I'll hex you!"_

 _Teenaged Severus Snape pushed her and snarled "I don't need your help. Filthy little mudblood!"_

" _I thought you were better than the rest of them!" the girl sobbed and ran off crying._

 _James ran off in pursuit calling "Lily! Lily!"_

"Bloody hell." Exclaimed Harry as the scene unfolded, then he was yanked, by the collar out, of the pensieve. Gagging and tugging on his tie he looked up into an enraged Professor Snape's face. Knowing he'd trespassed Harry tried to apologize "Sorry, sir, I just tripped and-"

Snape grabbed up him up by the hair and threw him into the door "Get out of here Potter! OR so help me I'll finish what the Dark Lord started!"

Harry ran scared. About halfway to Gryffindor Tower he stopped running. By the time he reached the Fat Lady, he was furious [at Snape and himself for his cowardice] and the angrier he was the angrier he got. He stomped into the Common Room muttering "I'm gonna get even with that greasy git."

"Tell us"

"all about"

"It" the twins offered in their trademark way.

Harry couldn't help but laugh. And let himself be kidded into telling them exactly what happened. Every last detail.

"Fred my partner, I think Christmas has come early." Said George gleefully.

Abcij

A week later, and with the help of four Weasleys and a concerned/reluctant Hermione, retaliation was ready. They'd had to work through the night for this epic scale prank.

"Potter, several of your grades have been slipping this past week. Your professors are complaining." The stern Head of Gryffindor informed him as he sat down to dinner.

"Sorry *yawn* Professor." He replied "Haven't been sleeping well *yawwwwwwn* last couple nights."

She frowned "I see. We'll consider this a warning. Get those grades up Mister."

"Yes ma'am." He muttered. Then endured razzing before resuming eating. When virtually all were done eating, Harry stood on his bench and touched his wand to his neck, called out "Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please? I repeat; Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please? Thank you."

All eyes turned to Harry. Students, staff and even Mr. Filch and Mrs. Norris.

"Thank you, thank you." Harry bowed in all four directions. He gave the barest of smirks to Fred and George "In honor of my father and his group, forever immortalized as The Marauders, I give you my contribution to Hogwarts lore! **S!"**

At the code letter hissed in Parseltongue, every surface in the Great Hall was decorated with the word **Snivilus**. Some walls had twenty foot tall letters, others in almost micro-writing literally millions of repetitions. Each of the stained glass windows lining each wall had a single giant letter spelling out the hated Potion Master's hated appellation. Tables, benches, plates, glasses and silverware were likewise marked. There were as many font styles and colors as there were repetitions of **Snivilus.** None of the Professors' chairs were marked….except for Snape's alone. Above his head was a multicolored changing, flashing **Snivilus** ; and a pair of arrows pointing down. Finally, as the whole impact of the display really sunk in, coming down from the ceiling was a sign saying IN MEMORY OF JAMES 'SWINE' POTTER & LILY 'MUDBLOOD' EVANS.

"You will remove this. Instantly! You attention seeking brat!" Snape's voice wasn't loud but it somehow reached every corner of the Great Hall "And you will be cleaning cauldrons until this castle crumbles! And 1980 points from Gryffindor!"

Harry shrugged "Eh…you never get punished for insulting me. Sod off Snivilus."

"Harry, I expect better of you." Dumbledore scolded him, began waving his wand. His eyebrows went up when none of the 'decorations' disappeared.

Harry just grinned, asked "I'm just an attention seeking brat. And why don't you expect better of him? Hmm Albus?"

If the students were stunned by the prank on their Potion Master it didn't remotely compare to the shock expressed at one of their number using the Headmaster's first name.


	7. Chapter 7:Lockhart's Quiz

[a/n] Humor here. Ever wonder what Harry wrote?

delia cerrano \- We disagree on S.S. I'll cover more in my 2nd pensieve scene, next. Last one was a prank.

 **Harry Does Different F**

Lockhart's Quiz

 _"Let me introduce you to your new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher... me! And, to get us started, a little quiz. Nothing to worry about just to get the brain going._ "

Looking at the top sheet, Harry began to read and answer the questions

 _Defence Against the Dark Arts - Second Year Essential Knowledge Test_

 _1\. What is Gilderoy's favourite colour?_ Flash purple, the color of the smoke emitted by a wizarding camera. Could be lice in dirty blonde hair. Can I get at least 1/2 credit?

 _2\. What is Gilderoy's Lockhart's secret ambition?_ Fool all of the people, all of the time. See #3

 _3\. What, in your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement to date?_ Fooling most of the people, most of the time. See #2

 _4\. How many times has Gilderoy Lockhart won Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award?_ Zero. Bribed the editor.

 _5\. In his book Break with a Banshee, how did Gilderoy Lockhart bravely banish the Bandon Banshee?_ He kissed it. Bad breath.

 _6\. Which is Gilderoy Lockhart's best side for photographs?_ His backside, right cheek.

 _7\. Has Gilderoy Lockhart ever won the Dunstable Duelling Championship for wizards or just been pipped at the post?_ I was there. Didn't see you.

 _8\. Which product does Gilderoy Lockhart use to clean his teeth with to achieve his famous dazzling white smile?_ Clorox bleach.

9\. W _ho is Gilderoy Lockhart's hero and role model?_ Voldemort.

10\. _How old is Gilderoy Lockhart?_ Rumor has it he taught Dumbledore.

On and on the questions went until Harry finally reached the final question.

 _54\. When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday and what would his ideal gift be?_ April 1. A Harry Potter autograph. See top of pg1.

Finally setting his quill aside, Harry saw he was nearly the last to finish. He smirked at Ron, showed him a quick peak. The boys laughed. Hermione poked him in the ear with her quill. He flashed her his answers. She looked offended, so did Susan Bones.

Of note, Harry scored a T. His signature was missing from the test.


	8. Chapter 8:Snape's Pensieve 2

[a/n] Lockhart's Quiz was fun. Just imagine the reaction. Must've made its way around the teachers' lounge.

Dedicated to delia cerrano: The second of Harry's peaks into Snape's past. Features a vengeful Harry. I definitely mourned the death of Alan Rickman. Snape, as I see him, wanted Lily, even over the bodies over her son and husband. No doubt the Marauders were cruel to Severus. But he used his position of power to torment the son of his tormentors. How would he have treated any child [a Remus Jr? Peter Jr? Sirius Jr?] boy or girl? JKR makes him a hero, something I don't think the character deserves.

I would like to see your views on Severus.

I was also turned off by all the Slytherins being locked up just before the Battle. Wouldn't they [some certainly] have sided with the defenders]

noylj Glad you're joining the fun. No real answers for why he didn't report Dursleys. Chalk it up to abuse psychology. And there's not a lot of deep thinking for one-shots.

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 **Harry Does Different G**

Snape's Pensieve 2

" _The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches... Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies..._

Harry knew the prophecy but not that Snape knew it. There he was, crouched under the window where Sybil Trelawney and Albus Dumbledore were talking. The next memory enraged Harry.

" _The meaning is clear enough, My Lord." A kneeling Severus Snape said._

 _Voldemort sneered "You fool! That was only part of the prophecy!_ Crucio!"

" _You must spare Potter's wife." Snape insisted._

 _Crabbe contemptuously asked "The mudblood?"_

" _I must, Severus?" the Dark Lord asked silkily._

Harry yanked himself from the pensieve and roared "SNAAAAAAAPEEE!" He whipped out his wand and set off in pursuit of the Potions Professor. Hardly halfway to the Great Hall, he realized he probably couldn't win a duel. The hot fury was replaced with a cold desire for revenge. He behaved precisely the same as he ate dinner, and in Potions the next day. In class, however, he plucked a couple of choice ingredients from the classroom storage cabinets.

"Wha? Huh?" came from Dean's four poster.

Harry whispered "Shite! Go back to sleep." He made his way, under Invisibility Cloak and equipped with poached ingredients, to the Slytherin dungeons. Gained access to the Common Room by whispering "Pureblood."

"Potter!" sneered Snape "What are you doing here?"

Harry's wand, already out, came up, pointed at the professor and he whispered " _Petrificus Totalis_!"

Snape fell over like a dead tree. Although expressionless, his eyes communicated pure fury.

"It's called justice, Snivilus." Harry smiled down pleasantly "You're gonna pay for what you did fourteen years ago. All these years and you've been insulting them. Day in day out. Ten points for breathing too loud Potter! Pompous arrogant git like your father Potter!`"

Snape wasn't even allowed the release of screaming as he was dragged into his office. And his assailant was less than careful with his helpless form.

"How much detention do I get for this?" Harry taunted as he tossed his victim onto his bed. Held up his two poached ingredients "What happens when you add this- and this- to an emulsion of dihydrogen oxide? Fire. Correct Mr. Snivilus, five points to Slytherin."

Snape was suddenly distressed as the smoking beaker was taken from his direct sight and he felt heat at his knees.

" _Petrificus Totalis_!" Harry cast again "That spell doesn't prevent pain? Does it? I hope not." He left a calling card that said THE MUDBLOOD RESISTANCE.

*************Great Hall, the following morning

"Everyone enter. Quickly. Quickly. To your tables." Deputy Headmistress McGonagall ordered as students arrived for breakfast.

Draco Malfoy, in the company of several of his year mates asked "Where is Professor Snape, Professor?"

"Proceed to your seat, Mr. Malfoy." She ordered without answering. But she was highly agitated.

Harry, with Ron and Hermione, arrived shortly after but not the last to arrive.

"I have a rather disturbing announcement to make." Headmaster Dumbledore said "Last night, in the Slytherin dungeons, Professor Snape was apparently murdered. Based on what aurors have so far learned the suspect is at least a Third Year student and, regrettably, circumstantial evidence points to a Muggleborn. Details of the crime scene are being kept secret, but please know Hogwarts will host investigators from the DMLE until the case is solved. Now, please stand and observe a moment of silence for the dearly departed."

Hermione nudged Harry and said "Get up!"

"He was a bastard to me from day one." He countered, loudly "And good riddance. Hey, Seamus, toss me a roll?"


	9. Chapter 9:After the Diary

[a/n]I think Snape was out for Snape. One of my major themes is Harry not being treated well by magicals.

[a/n/2]Mild sexual imagery. Molly wouldn't approve.

* * *

 **Harry Does Different H**

After the Diary

"What? No!" spectral Tom charged "NO!"

Harry drove the basilisk fang into Tom Riddle's diary. And sighed as Tom dissolved in a sprinkle of light.

"Harry! It was me!" a distressed Ginny sobbed "But, I didn't know I swear."

Harry twitched as he felt burning in his arm. The burning got worse, but he stifled any reaction. Then Dumbledore's phoenix landed "You were wonderful, Fawkes." He said through the pain "I just wasn't fast enough. Ginny, go through the tunnel, you'll find Ron."

Fawkes cried into the wound.

"I forgot. Phoenix tears!" he exclaimed "Healing powers! Are you alright, Ginny?"

She nodded "I feel so stupid! How could I have trusted Tom?!"

"Voldemort fooled people older than him." Said Harry, gently touching her shoulder "You don't have anything to be ashamed of."

Ginny smiled "Thank you, Harry."

"I think this rates a bit more than just a thank you? Don't you?" he asked with a bit of a smirk.

She asked "Err… What do you have in mind?"

"Hermione read something about life debts." He replied, smirk growing. He slid around on the floor, put a hand on her knee and kissed her. At first, hesitantly, then boldly forced his tongue into her mouth. And slipped his hand slightly under her skirt. After several minutes he pulled away, commented "That's more fun than having you stick your elbow in a butter dish."

Ginny turned so red her freckles disappeared. She just looked at her hero with bugged out eyes. Then he kissed her again.


	10. Chapter 10:Potter v Malfoy

**Harry Does Different I**

Potter v Malfoy

Harry grabbed the diary and ran off in pursuit "Mr. Malfoy! MR. MALFOY!" he yelled charging down the hall.

"Mr. Potter. What do you want?" asked Lucius with a cold glare.

Harry shoved the diary into his hand and said "I believe that belongs to you."

"You do, do you?" he sneered. Handed to his Elf.

Harry smirked "You gave that to Ginny Weasley. That day in Diagon Alley."

"Why don't you just prove it?" the senior Malfoy growled, baring down on the boy. Then he turned, ordered "Come Dobby."

As soon as Lucius' back was turned he whispered to Dobby "Open it! Go on!"

"Master has given Dobby a sock!" the little creature exclaimed, clutched Harry's torn, ratty sock like it was a pound of gold, repeated excitedly "Master has given Dobby a sock! Dobby is free! FREE!"

Lucius spun, looked at the Elf, to the smirking boy who lifted his pant leg, and back. His temper immediately shot to his eyebrows "You lost me my servant!" he snarled, whipped his wand, pointed it at Harry, began "AVVVVADAAAAAAAAA-"

"You shall not harm Harry Potter!" yelled Dobby. Whose hand flashed magically and blasted Lucius most of the length of the hallway.

"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

August 5th The Burrow

All the Weasleys laughed as Harry delivered the punchline of his Lucius story, except…that is….for Arthur. The patriarch was scratching his chin thoughtfully, then asked "Would you be willing to testify to that? Maybe use a pensieve?"

"Sure. I guess." Replied Harry "Err…what's a pensieve?" and after Arthur explained he agreed.

Arthur nodded, but somewhat grimly, "Alright. Come with me to work. I want you to meet someone. While everyone finishes, I have a floo call to make.

""""""""""""""""""""""""""

An hour later, The Ministry, Amelia Bones' office

"Good morning Arthur. Redhead day, apparently." The Head of the DMLE greeted lightly. "Brought my niece, Susan, for a day. I did not expect so many."

The Head of the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Department nodded "Well, absolutely necessary. My daughter was a victim of Malfoy's actions. My son helped open the Chamber to save her."

"Well, we'll see." Said Amelia, noncommittally, "First, what tale does Mr. Potter have? This is a pensieve. You touch your wand to your head, while thinking of the memory, slowly draw the memory out. It will be a silvery fluid. Drop it in the basin and we'll be able to view it."

They all viewed the memory.

Susan came out of it pale, asking "Auntie! Is that the curse I think it was?"

"Most definitely." Amelia answered, stonily "And yes, you can attend the trial. But NOT the arrest. It is too potentially dangerous. Now, Miss Weasley, how would you feel reliving your past year? From what your father tells me, it was not easy."

To which Ginny replied "Anything to drag that bastard down."

"Ginevra, language." Arthur corrected her.

""""""""""""""""""""""""""

Courtroom 10, The Ministry, August 30th

"On the charge of attempted murder, how does The Wizengamot find?" asked Dumbledore. He briefly counted and nodded "By a vote of 93 – 17 with 26 abstentions, guilty. The sentence is 50 years in Azkaban."

Harry cheered. So did the Weasleys. As did Susan Bones.

"On the charge of attempted use of an Unforgivable against a Human, how does The Wizengamot find?" asked Dumbledore. He briefly counted and nodded "By a vote of 101 – 7 with 28 abstentions, guilty. The sentence is 50 years in Azkaban."

Harry cheered. So did the Weasleys. As did Susan Bones.

Dumbledore asked "Is there any other business?"

"Is getting your ass kicked by a House Elf a crime?" Harry replied, just loud enough for everyone to hear.

Much of the Wizengamot laughed. Though there was stony silence from certain corners.

""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

Hogwarts Express September 1

In a cabin of the traditional train, Hermione Granger and Neville Longbottom were a rapt audience listening to Harry, Susan, Ron and Ginny relate the court case.

"And, so far, we've received a thousand Galleons in reparations." Ginny said "So I can visit with a Mind Healer." She still looked deeply embarrassed about her part in the events of the last school year.

The door burst open Draco and his bodyguards burst in "Mudbloods and blood traitors clear out."

"Buzz off Malfoy." Ron snapped.

Susan added "And take your girlfriends with you."

Wands came out and spells were exchanged. The outnumbered Slytherins were quickly disarmed. Ginny nimbly scooped up the wands, said "You can ask McGonagall for them back."

"Wait til my father hears of this!" Harry poorly imitated his nemesis.

Draco fumed "Mine's still alive."

"Bowing and scraping before the" air quotes "son of a dirty muggle" Harry shot back. He'd grown a thick skin at the Dursleys for parent comments "Or maybe he'd be kissing Voldie's arse, if he wasn't in Azkaban."

Susan put in "Now…ahhh…buggeroff!"

"Language!" Hermione protested.

To which Susan shrugged unapologetically, glared at the Slytherin trio and fired a stinging hex that happened to hit Crabbe. Laughter followed the trio through the train.


	11. Chapter 11:Colin's Hero

[a/n] Sexual imagery warning. I was watching COS and got curious why Ginny kept giving Harry dirty looks.

* * *

 **Harry Does Different J**

Colin's Hero

"Hi Harry! I'm Colin. Colin Creevey." Arguably the smallest boy in Hogwarts came up and announced breathlessly.

Harry set down his textbook and quill, replied "Hi Colin, nice to meet you."

"I was a muggle!" the blonde First Year boy continued, excitedly "Like all my family. We didn't know it was magic. They all just thought I was mental."

Ron quipped "Imagine that." Hermione slapped him on his arm. He glared at her.

"Could your friend take my picture…with you?" He offered his camera to Ron "Y'know…to prove I met you?"

Harry thought about it, nodded reluctantly, then smirked, said "Definitely! Ron. Go on. You don't mind. Looks like it works the same as a magical one. Is it hold and press, Colin?"

"Uh-huh" the newcomer replied "Just look through here. Then press this button. Ok. Should I stand here?"

Harry waved him over, indicated he should turn around and then pulled him down into his lap "This ok?" he asked, casually.

"Err…I guess" Colin answered, somewhat nervous "Bit weird."

Ron guffawed while Hermione frowned at her friends.

"Make sure to get us both in the shot, Ron." Harry instructed. He, meanwhile, was touching the younger boy's chest. Leaning in, he whispered "You're cute, Colin."

"Smile!" said Ron and the camera flashed.

Colin felt a hand creep into his pants, he squirmed then the hand squeezed his bare butt. He yelled "YEEEYYY-AAAHHHHHH!" Rolled onto the floor, jumped up, snatched his camera from Ron. The First Year fled the Great Hall at remarkable speed.

Kids close to the scene burst out laughing. Fred, George and their friend Lee Jordan scratched their heads and giggled. Hermione scolded her friends "Shame on you boys!"

"What?" questioned Harry "He IS cute!" Ron howled with laughter.

Absolutely furious at the whole scene was Ginny Weasley. She hammered the table in front of her, whipped a small leather-bound book from her backpack and began scratching away.

 _Dear Tom, You won't believe what Harry just did! And I know he knew I was here!_


	12. Chapter 12:Bye Marge Hi Sirius

[a/n] Had some kind of glitch. System wasn't telling me That Colin's Hero wasn't posting and ended up with multiple posts. Enjoy the now single post. Cleaned out the dups and pressing on. Thx Banner for the notice.

 **Harry Does Different K**

Bye Marge Hi Sirius

"A drunk too, no doubt." Vernon's sister sneered at him.

Harry, furious, screamed "MY DAD WAS NOT A DRUNK!" his hair was pulsing with accidental magic. The kitchen lights were blinking on and off.

"Now you listen here!" Marge began what she intended to be a vicious scolding. But her index finger suddenly inflated to about triple its normal thickness. She gasped in horror.

All the Dursleys panicked, ran about and yelled fearfully.

Harry might have laughed as 'Aunt' Marge bounced off the ceiling and floated out the door, but he was too angry and, frankly, scared. He ran upstairs, filled his trunk and charged for the door.

"You bring her back!" Uncle Vernon yelled "You bring her back! NOW! You put her right!"

Harry pointed his wand in Vernon's face, retorted "No! She got what she deserved! I'm out of here! Move! Or be moved!" He stormed out, walked to the corner, crossed Wisteria and realized he had no idea what to do next. He heard a growl, spun and pulled his wand.

 _Woof_!

"Well. You look friendly." He said to the dog "If a bit scrawny."

There was a sudden BOOM and up pulled a triple decker red bus. "Welcome to the Knight Bus." Said the wizard "Emergency transport for the stranded witch or wizard. Stan Shunpike at your service. Where to?"

"The Leaky Cauldron." Replied Harry "Come on boy!"

 _Woof_!

Stan said "That be 1 Galleon 4 Knuts."

Harry paid and went to sit next to the dog. To his shock, written in the dust on the floor was GRIMMAULD PLACE "Did you write that?" he asked.

The dog nodded _Woof_!

"You want me to get off there?" asked Harry "You're an Animagus aren't you?"

Again, the dog nodded _Woof_! _Woof!_

"Right." Agreed Harry "BUT! You change back before we go into a house! ANNND I'm going to have my wand out." After changing destinations, and paying 3 additional Sickles, Harry sat by the dog, advised "You better cover up that writing."

Again, the dog nodded _Woof_! _Woof!_

Harry smirked and planted his feet on the dog's back. Smirking even more, he commented "This IS what people do with their dogs. Most dogs LIKE it."

The dog growled.

"Remember. I have the wand." He pointed out


	13. Chapter 13:Hermione's Kiss

**Harry Does Different L**

Hermione's Kiss

"Don't let the muggles get to ya mate." Said Ron. He slapped his friend's shoulder lightly as the trio approached Mrs. Weasley.

Alastair Moody added "We'll be watching, Dursley."

She embraced Harry in a smothering hug "It will get better." She promised, sadly "You'll see. And you'll be over as soon as Professor Dumbledore says it is safe."

"I'll be plenty hungry, Mrs. Weasley." He lied, and was rewarded by a tighter squeeze. He said a regretful goodbye to the twins, Ginny and even Percy.

Hermione put an arm over his shoulder and said "Come on. I'll stay with you until _they_ get here."

"Thanks." There was just nothing that could make him smile after seeing Cedric Diggory murdered and Voldemort's return. It was only a few minutes near the door before they saw Vernon's BMW.

Hermione embraced him, tightly and kissed his cheek.

The almost violence of the hug caused Harry to back into the wall. As she went to kiss his opposite cheek, Harry turned his head causing a lip lock. As she tried to pull away, he caught her head and held it in place. Then pushed his tongue in her mouth, quickly going so deep that he flicked her uvula.

Hermione first made a surprised squeal sound as Harry initiated the kiss. Then a few pleased moans and part giggle part gag as he reached all the way to the back of her mouth.

"Wow'Mione" he mumbled in her mouth "Thizzawzome!" Feeling daring he slid his hands over both jeaned cheeks and squeezed.

Hermione jumped at the feel of his hands under her, pressed close, rolled her tongue around his …and

HOOONNNNNNNNNNNK!

"Dammit! Bloody hell Vernon!" Harry shouted as they jumped apart.

Uncle Vernon stormed out of his BMW "Don't expect to see this hussy while you're under my roof." He snarled.

"Better apologize." Harry advised "She could easily give you a pig tail."

Vernon flashed a fearful look then muttered an insincere apology, gruffly ordered "In the car, Potter."

And they were gone …with Harry twisted around to watch Hermione getting her trunk in her parents' larger BMW with help from her father. "Hey, Vernon, looks like a witch has a bigger car than you." he taunted, knowing nothing could irk his uncle more."

"Just shut up brat!" Vernon snarled


	14. Chapter 14:Buckbeak's Trial

[a/n] Anyone mind a little Lucius Bashing?

* * *

 **Harry Does Different M**

Buckbeak's Trial

"Mrs. Scamander? May I speak?" Harry walked in and requested.

A senior administrator of the Department for the Control of Magical Creatures asked "And you are?"

"Harry James Potter." He replied "Third Year student, Hogwarts. Witness for the defense."

Lucius stood up "Ma'am! I protest! The defense never submitted a witness list. In fact, the defense has barely offered a case!"

"I see no harm in hearing what he has to say." The administrator said "Mr. Potter, very well. How are you connected to this business?"

He answered "Eyewitness to the alleged attack."

"I believe we already proved that." The Malfoy attorney stated.

Poor Hagrid just looked hapless.

"Ask me how I saw the class." Harry whispered.

Hagrid scratched his beard, nodded "How did you saw the class…..errr…Mr. Potter?"

"Professor Hagrid introduced us to Buckbeak. A hippogriff. He explained they are very calm, powerful, proud creatures, but are sensitive and demand respect." Harry testified "I volunteered. He instructed me to approach Buckbeak slowly and bow before touching him. After doing so he put me on Buckbeak's back and I rode him for about 5 minutes."

Lucius whispered to his attorney, who then asked "Doesn't this further prove the…ahh… _professor's_ …negligence?"

"No sir." Harry answered without anger. Hermione had prepared him for this "Professor Hagrid has been on staff since before I came to Hogwarts and knows I am one of the best fliers in the school."

Draco sneered "Full of yourself, Potter?"

"How many times have you caught the snitch against me, Draco?" he countered with a smirk. He glanced at the administrator, added "For the record. Zero."

Draco slapped the table, with his 'injured' hand, then whimpered "Ow!"

"Hmmm… ain't that interesting?" Harry commented "But who am I to question how injured a classmate is? Anyway, after Professor Hagrid warned us how proud and sensitive they are Draco marched up to Buckbeak shouting insults at him. I wonder, did the Malfoy team mention that Professor Hagrid carried Draco all the way to Madam Pomfrey for treatment?"

The Malfoy attorney jumped up and countered, "How does rushing to medical aid after the fact justify the …ahem… professor's negligence?"

"Seems to me Draco caused his own injury by being negligent of Professor Hagrid's instructions." Harry argued.

And Hagrid all but sobbed in gratitude at Harry's defense of him and his hippogriff.

"I believe I have heard enough." The administrator ruled "Professor Hagrid violated no law, though he should consider amending some of his lesson plans for age appropriate creatures. That said, based on Harry Potter's testimony, he provided full instruction to the class on how to behave in the presence of a hippogriff. Draco Malfoy flagrantly violated those instructions. The Department for the Control of Magical Creatures finds no cause for execution of the hippogriff called Buckbeak."

Lucius jumped up and yelled "This is an outrage! How dare you!"

"I dare to do my job, Mr. Malfoy." The administrator countered, coldly "Lastly, a transcript of this hearing will be forwarded to the office of the Deputy Headmistress with my recommendation for corrective discipline. Your son, Mr. Malfoy, needs to learn to obey his professors."

Harry whispered to Hagrid who stood and said "Thank ya, Ma'am. I'll do wha'ever I cn to prevent annudder happenin. Cn tha Department suggest animals for me classes?"

"An excellent suggestion!" she approved "There should be more cooperation between the Ministry and Hogwarts. I shall handle this personally!"

Lucius growled "You will hear from your superiors, witch! Mark my words!" and stormed out.

"Fifty points to Gryffindor Harry! That is Mr. Potter." Hagrid enthused.

Harry smiled "You know, Professor, I always wondered where Draco got it from. Wait'll I tell Hermione and Ron."

"HoHOHO!" Hagrid boomed with laughter, looked around the room and all he saw was disapproval "Err... tha'is Mr. Potter, show your elders proper respect. Tha'll be one point from Gryffindor."

Harry managed to LOOK apologetic and answer "Yes, Professor."


	15. Chapter 15:The Tournament Drawing

**Harry Does Different N**

The Tournament Drawing

"The champion for Beauxbattons is Fleur Delacour." Dumbledore announced.

A willowy blonde girl got up, grinning, waved, shook hands with the headmasters, kissed her headmistress' cheek and disappeared into the Champions' room.

"The champion for Hogwarts is Cedric Diggory." Dumbledore announced.

All of Hufflepuff and much of the others burst into cheers. A solidly built handsome Seventh Year boy clasped hands with his friends and ran up.

"Finally, the champion for Durmstrang is Viktor Krum." Dumbledore announced.

Looking like a block of granite, the international Seeker raised his fist and roared as if he'd already won. Marched into the Champions' room.

To everyone's surprise, the Triwizard Cup coughed, sparked and spit out a FOURTH name. Dumbledore announced "Harry Potter. Harry Potter come up here, now!"

Calls of "Cheat : Liar : Sneak" followed him as Harry complied

"Zomezing vong?" Krum wanted to know.

Fleur asked "What iz it leetle fis?"

"Harry! Did you put your name in the Cup?" Dumbledore demanded. He grabbed Harry and shook him.

Harry yanked himself away, hollered "No! No way! Besides you said only Seveths!"

"But of corse he iz lying." Madam Maxine accused.

Fleur added "Sneaky leetle boy!" with a sneer.

"It's LITTLE you French twit!" Harry snapped, then he walked straight up to Fleur, seized her by her lapels and kissed her roughly. After a few seconds he forced his tongue into her mouth. Her every struggle and the school Heads' protests just egged him on. When she slapped his face, he seized her hand and forced it behind her back.

"NEVER DO ZAT!" Fleur screeched as she finally pushed him off.

"Not so little anymore, huh?" Harry laughed, then slapped her back "What? She hit me first! Now someone tell me how I DON'T compete in this crazy contest!"

The French champion couldn't help herself. No man had ever forcibly kissed her like that. Her veela power began seeping out of her control "Harry Potterrrrrr." She said seductively "A man does not arouse the veela without completing the bond."

All the men in the room, even Dumbledore though to a lesser degree, were affected by the allure.

"Who said I wanted you?" sneered Harry "I'd rather marry the giant squid."

Fleur let out a frustrated scream.

Ignoring the veela completely, Harry casually repeated "Someone tell me how I DON'T compete in this crazy contest!"


	16. Chapter 16:Jealous Ron

[a/n] I think Harry was too forgiving here.

[a/n2] A Guest review on Chap#14 was a host of ideas that I think I'll take up. THX. Looks like this is going the distance. I can easily see 50+ of these little scenes.

 **Harry Does Different O**

Jealous Ron

"You could've told me!" the redhead yelled, right in the middle of the Great Hall. "You're a right berk."

Harry shot back "I told you before. I didn't and don't want to be in this contest!"

"Come on Potter! A thousand Galleons!" Ron growled.

Harry snorted "Oh come off it. You've been complaining about how rich I am ever since we met. If I'm so rich this is pocket change!"

"Good point." Came from multiple sources.

Ron looked around, feeling decidedly picked on "Yeah? Well? Ahh…mmmm…err" he stammered. Then snapped his fingers "Must be the eternal glory!"

"Sure, Ron. Let's think about that one." He snorted "Harry Potter here. Everyone remember me? Anybody heard of The-Boy-Who-Lived? How'bout this…can you name a Triwizard winner? Can you even tell me when the last one took place?!"

Pausing in thought, scratching his head, Ron finally gave up and just declared "Don't talk to me until you're ready to admit the truth."

"Don't worry, Harry." Said Hermione in a consoling tone "I will take care of this."

Harry looked sad and just nodded.

*********After The Dragon Task

In Gryffindor, the Common Room erupted in cheers. The upset Fourth Champion was still quite popular in his own House. He was lifted onto the shoulders of a couple of the largest Seventh Years and paraded around. "Should I open it?" he asked.

"Yeah!" the room replied.

He repeated "Should I open it?"

"YEAH!" the room yelled.

Harry twisted the egg and all that came out was an ear-splitting screech.

"Tha' bloody hell is that?" asked Ron.

Fred and George tried to break up the crowd "Come on people! Nothing to see!"

"Oh I think there is." Harry countered, angrily "Got something to say, Weasley?"

Ron gulped "Well, yeah…err… I guess you'd hafta be bloody nutz to want a dragon chasing you."

"Is that your idea of an apology?" Harry demanded with a snort.

All four redheads blinked. This wasn't going then way they thought it would. Especially Ron "We're friends!" he complained.

"Oh? What have you done for me lately?" Harry wanted to know.

Ron angrily pointed out "I've had your back for 3 years!"

"Hmmm…that's one way to look at it." Harry answered, coolly "But, ahhh…Hermione? Exactly WHY were you in that loo needing rescue from a troll? And, no offense Ginny, but how much help was he against the Basilisk and Riddle? And your brother is here with the dragons! No tip from you! Thanks for bloody NOTHING!"

Ron clenched his fists "I told Hermione to tell you that Hagrid wanted to meet you NEAR CHARLIE!"

"You expect me to believe that crock?" Harry asked, venomously "As a matter of fact, it doesn't even matter. You haven't been my friend since you called me a liar. And I've been getting better grades lately, too!"

Ron growled and threw a punch. He yelped in surprise as he was spun around and pushed into the wall.

"Yeah! Some friend you've been." Harry snarled and stormed off. Everyone parted to make a path for him.


	17. Chapter 17:Come to my office

**Harry Does Different P**

Come to my office

 _Dear Harry,_

 _Please come to my office after supper._

 _Headmaster Dumbledore_

 _Ps. I am especially fond of Hershey Kisses_

"Well, that finishes the paperwork." Albus sighed, feeling particularly satisfied with himself. He looked around and noticed the Sun was long gone. In fact, the Moon was bright and the stars were twinkling. He scratched his beard, wondering "Now where is that boy?"

In the hallway leading to the headmaster's office, lay one bespectacled preteen wizard. There were half a dozen small empty tin foil wrappers. Said wizard's hat was drooping over his face, moving rhythmically. His body jerked suddenly, he yawned expansively and greeted the new arrival "Hi Professor."

"Harry" said Dumbledore with a frown "I was expecting you in my office at least three hours ago."

Rubbing his eyes, Harry explained "I couldn't get past your statue."

"The statue is passworded, Harry." He explained.

Getting to his feet, the boy answered "Well I didn't know that."

"But, of course, I gave you the password in my note." The headmaster explained, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Harry reread the note, scratched his head "No, sir, but I did bring you some Hershey Kisses. Sorry, I did eat a few." He reached into his pocket, apologized "Oops. Looks like they melted a bit."

"Hmnmmm I see." Dumbledore stroked his beard, furrowed his eyebrows speculatively, trying to figure out if he was being pranked or not. Finally saying "Alright, Harry, since it is late we won't be long. Come on upstairs with me. Hershey Kisses."


	18. Chapter 18:Potter Stinks

[a/n] Got a chuckle out of the CH#1 Guest Review saying 'my face hurts' Angry Harry coming.

 **Harry Does Different Q**

Potter Stinks

"Like our new badges, Potter." Draco Malfoy pushed out his lapel to more prominently display **SUPPORT CEDRIC DIGGORY**. And as Vince Crabbe and Greg Goyle pressed on theirs, the badges changed to read POTTER STINKS! The Slytherin trio laughed at Harry's disgruntled expression.

Harry had long practiced schooling his face to not show pain around his nemesis, but in private and currently without Ron as a friend, he blew up all over his dorm room.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,Transfiguration Class

"Mr. Potter, remain after class." Professor McGonagall said "For homework, complete the questions at the end of chapters 3, 4 & 5\. Dismissed."

Harry nodded to Ron and Hermione "I won't be long. She knows we have Charms."

"I am most dissatisfied with your behavior in class. Particularly today." She said as soon as the door clicked shut. "In fact, about the only professor not reporting problems would be Professor Binns."

Harry shrugged, during the weeks since his name came out of the Goblet his temper had grown shorter "Well, I'm getting right pissed about these badges of Malfoy's!"

"Mind your tongue, Mr. Potter!" she ordered, coldly "And that will be ten points from Gryffindor! I might remind you your father would not mind an occasional return of a prank."

Harry grunted with undisguised contempt "I wouldn't know. He's been dead since I was a baby! Though, since Malfoy acts just like my relatives, I guess you won't mind if I treat him like they treat me! And…between you and Snape I'm a bit sick of everyone expecting me to be just like people I don't know!"

"You will not violate school rules to excess!" the professor was outraged "That will be twenty points for your disrespect! You are under orders not to damage Hogwart's reputation in the presence of our international guests."

He turned, started for the door, said "Since you won't punish bullies, I will." Over the next few weeks there were numerous incidents.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,History of Magic Class

"Pssst-Potter!" came from the Hufflepuff side of the class. Justin Finch-Fletchley laughingly pulled on his badge making sure everyone saw it clearly. Potter Stinks!

Harry's wand flashes yellow " _Inflamore_!" he chants.

The badge sparks and ignites. Several of his Housemates drag him out of his seat and soak the distressed boy until the fire is out. "Professor!" the yelled at the ghost.

"The rebellion of 1777-" Professor Binns went on

Harry glared at them "Maybe next time I'll sic a Cobra on you, Fletchley and Finch. Tell me, how many fathers do you have?" His implication was obvious.

"Harry! You'll get in trouble!" said Hermione worriedly.

Some of the Hufflepuffs glared at Harry angrily, others looked away deeply cowed.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Potions Class

"Preparation of the Blood replenishment potion is critical." Snape instructed "The steps must be carried out EXACTLY for each of six types of blood. There are also variances in the ingredients. This process will take three periods. All six processes are on the board. Match the number on your desk to the process. Begin!"

During class, snickering from Draco Malfoy and his friends irritated Harry. He fought to ignore it. In particular, Hermione repeatedly nudged him whenever he felt the urge to tell them off. As Snape strolled out "Present for ya, Potter." Crabbe whispered/giggled. He tossed a package right into the middle of Harry's preparations, scattering them abroad.

"SOD OFF YOU BLOODY GIT!" Harry roared, spun with the infuriating badge in his grip and threw it with all his Quidditch trained reflexes and strength at the Slytherin's head. That was the moment the Potions Professor reentered the classroom. He rolled his eyes, snorted "Naturally."

Snape growled "50 points from Gryffindor, Potter. And two weeks detention."

"Well, I may as well make the most of it." Harry countered, ignoring Hermione's hand on his arm. He pushed past the Potions Professor, yanked Goyle off his stool, found the badge, tossed it on the floor near his head and stomped on it.

*************That night, Gryffindor Common Room

"Harry, don't you have detention with Professor Snape?" asked Hermione.

He looked up from his DADA book and answered "No. I don't do detention when I'm defending myself."

"That is verily not a wise idea." She said, nervously "I really should report it. I am a prefect."

Ron blinked "But! You can't! It's Harry!"

"It's perfectly fine." He replied "In fact, you should too, Ron. I don't mind. It's about time I make a stand and these badges are my limit."

*************Next Morning, Hallway #1

"Morning, Harry." Ginny greeted him "This is my friend, Luna Lovegood. She wanted to talk to you."

The blonde haired girl with curiously large glasses smiled, said "Hello Harry Potter. Nice to meet you. I wanted you to know that Ravenclaw's Quidditch team handed out these SUPPORT CEDRIC DIGGORY badges. And while I support Cedric as the Hogwarts champion I equally support you as the Nargle University champion. Good luck Harry Potter. I will not wear this."

"Thank you, Luna. Nice to meet you, too. Any friend of Ginny's is a friend of mine." Harry took the badge from the younger Ravenclaw with a slight smile and followed the girls into the Great Hall.

And no sooner had he sat down for breakfast, than a furious Professor Snape berated him "Potter! HOW DARE YOU! Get up here immediately!"

"Coming Snivilus." Harry called back, and on his way, slapped Cho Chang in the side of the head and ripped the hated badge off her robes. He also spotted one on Seamus Finnegan and repeated the attack.

The Ravenclaw Seeker screamed in embarrassed outrage, desperately covered her torn coverings. The House jumped up protesting the assault. Seamus was more physical, he stumbled out of his seat and charged.

" _Petrificus Totalis_!" Harry spun and cast in a fluid, lightning fast movement. Back to the teachers, he touched his wand to his neck, voice reaching to every corner, he challenged "Any more of you bloody cowards care to have a go at me?"

McGonagall was on her feet "Potter, you were under orders not to embarrass this school!"

Snape was only too happy to add "50 points for your attack on Miss Chang and 50 points for your attack on Mr. Finnegan!"

"Embarrass Hogwarts, McGonagall?" sneered Harry "Remember your first speech? I do. Your house is like your family. Well I've felt like I've been at the Dursleys' ever since my name came out of that lying cup! Embarrass Hogwarts?" **spits in her direction*throws the collection of badges at Hogwarts professors** "How about this? Madame Maxine? Headmaster Karkaroff? Can I transfer?"

That silenced the entire Hall. A student publicly denouncing their school in front of international guests. Embarrassing!


	19. Chapter 19:Neville's Rememberall

**Harry Does Different R**

Neville's Rememberall

The class watched as the Gryffindor boy flew around uncontrollably. The broom almost crashed into a tower, spun around, and Neville fell off. He caught on a battlement, dangled there, then fell. "Ooooohhh!" he cried out "My arm!"

"I will be in the Hospital Wing." Said Madam Hooch as she escorted Neville for treatment "And don't any of you leave the ground! Or you will be out of Hogwarts so fast!"

Draco Malfoy spotted a glint of light, ran over and announced "HA! Look what the fat lump dropped!"

"Give it here Malfoy!" Harry demanded.

The Slytherin sneered at the Gryffindors "No! I think I'll leave it somewhere for Longbottom to find. How about on the roof." He shot into the air.

"Harry! No! You heard what Madam Hooch said!" Hermione yelled.

He looked up at Malfoy, mounted his broom, bit his lip and….paused "Alright we'll try it your way."

"What's the matter, Potter?" Draco taunted "You yellow?"

Harry surged forward, but Hermione held him back "NO!"

"Mr. Malfoy!" yelled Madam Hooch "I told you! All of you! Get yourself down here now! And that will be thirty points from Slytherin!"

As Draco landed he smashed the Rememberall on the walk and snarled "Wait'll my father hears of this."

"Madam Hooch, that belonged to Neville Longbottom." Said Hermione.

The flying instructor gave a dirty look "Is that true, Mr. Malfoy? Well. I think a week of trophy polishing for Mr. Filch. Another thirty points from Slytherin. Lastly I shall be writing both your and Mr. Longbottom's parents to deal with reparations. Class! Resume places! Brooms UP!"


	20. Chapter 20:Voldemort's Return

[a/n] Looks like an unlimited possibility of these 'corrections' This is #20 and still have that many more floating around in my head.

 **Harry Does Different S**

Voldemort's Return

A fire ignited under a large cauldron "Bone of the father, unknowingly given you will renew your son." Began the dark spell. In went a human leg bone. "Flesh of the servant, willingly sacrificed!" , AHHHHHHHHH! Pettigrew sliced off his own hand. "Blood of the enemy, forcibly taken!"

In that instant, Harry had been half-listening, but a lecture suddenly came to mind. Magic is all about intent. The boy stopped struggling, forced himself to relax, even as a knife opened his arm he whispered "Please Peter, please cut my arm. Please use my blood."

"You will revive the Dark Lord!" Peter cried completing the spell.

The cauldron exploded in magical fire and as it cleared, Voldemort was reborn. There he stood, touching his arms, legs, torso, head "Heheheheh." He laughed cruelly "Robe me, Wormtail."

"Yes, Master." Replied Peter, obediently. Draped a black robe on his master.

The Dark Lord called his Death Eaters and welcomed them silkily "Greetings, my friends, and I hope I can still call you my friends. Crabbe! McNair! Goyle! And you…Lucius, my most slippery friend. Well, we will deal with the definitely unfaithful, first."

"I have always been loyal, My Lord!" the Malfoy patriarch dropped to his knees.

Harry emitted a high-pitched laugh "Wait'll I tell Draco how his precious Daddy bows and scrapes!"

"Leave us not forget our guest of honor." Voldemort said, dramatically "Harry Potter….almost a famous as I, myself…. The-Boy-Who-Lived. I failed to consider old magic, my friends. But….now… I can touch you."

Harry screamed in pain and disgust as the Dark Lord pressed his finger to his forehead.

"Now, let's duel, Harry." He cackled, mockingly "Surely Dumbledore has taught you to duel. First, we bow…..I! said! Bow!"

The spell to the stomach doubled Harry over and he screamed in pain, then "Give me my wand! Coward!"

"Haha! Bravery!" Voldemort sneered, to his followers' amusement.

A mask tossed his wand. Harry pointed it at his back and yelled " _Crucio_!" The spell was enough to knock the Death Eater down, but that was all.

"You have to _mean_ it, Harry." Voldemort instructed "Here. Allow me. _Crucio_!"

Harry fell and screamed in agony. As it stopped, he stood, panted, gasped, wheezed "Muggle…dentist…hurt worse." Then he dodged the next spell. He dove behind a tomb and stayed there, flinching, as it was blasted.

"Come out, Harry!" the Dark Lord taunted "I want to see your face when I kill you!"

The young wizard slapped the stone, growled "Fine! Have it your way then!" And marched forward. " _Expelliarmus_!" he yelled.

" _Avada Kedavra_!" Voldemort reacted instantaneously to the boy's wand movement.

The spells met midway between the wizards and burst into a fireball display. The sight was phenomenal the pair were locked together in a tug of war. Green would push red back, then red would push green. Back and forth they went. Harry grunted in effort and suddenly he had the advantage. Amazing all the Death Eaters, Harry was winning. Actually winning! Harry's stream of red magic forced its way forward until it engulfed the Dark Lord. Then, before all their eyes, he screamed in lethal agony and -quite literally- fell apart. Voldemort's head fell off, shattered on the ground, then his arms, torso, and finally legs. Eventually there was nothing left larger than a fingernail.

"Bloody hell! It worked!" exclaimed Harry "IT BLOODY WORKED! Aurors will be after you, Malfoy, count on it. You too Peter. _Accio_ Cedric. _Accio_ Cup. Hogwarts." He knew he had to get out of there fast.

A semicircle of masked witches and wizards gaped at the pile of flesh, bones, and blood that had been their Master.


	21. Chapter 21:Walburga

[a/n] delia cerrano The point in #20 was for Harry to ruin the spell. Which reads "...forcibly taken..." by him offering it to Wormtail.

[a/n2] Muggle solutions :)

[a/n3] Slytherin66 I like the 'remove the bones' trick too. The future of #20? Well, a Dark Lord holds power as long as he can intimidate his followers. They just saw him lose to a 14 year old.

 **Harry Does Different T**

Walburga Black

"BLOOD TRAITORS AND MUDBLOODS!" the portrait of Sirius' mother screamed "DISGRACING MY HOME!"

Sirius cackled "Tough Mother! And we WILL destroy your precious Moldyshorts!"

"No offense" complained Harry, while covering his ears "but she has a seriously big mouth."

Lupin chuckled "Something James would say."

"Can't you get her to shut up?" asked Harry.

Everyone in the house shook their heads, muttered "No."

"How about removing her." Suggested Harry.

Sirius replied "Can't. Permanent sticking charm."

"Uncle Vernon showed me the answer for this." Harry said "Long story short, do you mind a bit of damage? Do you have a sledgehammer?"

Sirius tugged on his still prison length hair, then answered "No. And I can just transfigure something." He brought a spoon from the kitchen, followed Harry's instructions as to what a sledgehammer is, and finally said "Mum will be right pissed to be beat by a mere muggle."

"May i?" asked Harry with a smirk "I have some anger issues to work out." He began hammering all around the portrait and kept at it until the wall simply fell apart. Walburga, still stuck to the broken wall, fell to the floor.

All the others, magically raised, gaped at him in shock. Hermione shook her head, disapproving of the damage to the home.

"Kreacher! Take this away!" Sirius told his Elf, grinning from ear to ear, handed off the painting.


	22. Chapter 22:Harry rips Lupin

[a/n] 1st of some Grimmauld Place bashing

 **Harry Does Different U**

Harry rips Lupin

"Read this Potter." Auror Moody ordered. The paper said THE HEADQUARTERS OF THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX IS LOCATED #12 GRIMMAULD PLACE. And suddenly a house appeared between #10 and #14.

The inside was dank and gloomy, which was alright by Harry. The teenage wizard had nothing to do for the last month but brood and mourn for the death of Cedric Diggory. The whole thing was his fault. Why had he not been smarter? And where were his friends? Why wouldn't they write him? Why wouldn't anyone tell him what was going on with Voldemort? Why was he stuck with the stinking Dursleys? Dumbledore was going to get an earful!

"Ginny, Mr., Mrs. Weasley" he greeted the ones in the dining room. Then, in the kitchen, he ignored one and manly embraced "Sirius!"

The prison escapee returned the hug, said "Finally! You're where you belong!"

"As long as you're here, I like it." Said Harry, wearily.

Remus grinned "Good to see you, pup."

"Professor." Harry replied in a tone no one would mistake for friendly "Ain't seen you around much."

Activity stopped. Remus' eyebrows went up, answering "Well, with the coming conflict, Professor Dumbledore asked me to contact other werewolves."

"Umpf! Not even time to so much as write a letter?" Harry wanted to know.

Remus blinked at the accusing tone "Well I…"

"You got 28 days out of a month to write." Harry went on "Even Sirius managed fire calls and he's a wanted murderer. What's your excuse?"

Mrs. Weasley tried to intervene "Now, Harry, I'm sure-"

"You know what a better question is?" he cut her off, but was looking at Remus "Where were you from 1981 through Third Year? Best friends with my parents? And the only time I see you is once, at Hogwarts. I think they both did a piss poor job picking friends. Thanks folks, I got Lupin and Pettigrew."

Sirius defended his friend "Harry, I think that's a bit harsh. Don't you?"

"No, I don't." Harry countered "Tell me...Professor... what would you have done if Sirius had walked up to you this time last year?"

Remus blinked, choked back emotion, picked up his briefcase and said "Excuse me. I just remembered another engagement." And he was gone.


	23. Chapter 23:Harry rips Ron & Hermione

[a/n] Another at Grimmauld, to be continued. Great place to dump anger.

Harry Does Different V

 **Harry rips Hermione & Ron**

Only moments after telling off Lupin Harry was making his way to the third floor. Walking past the room he heard his _friends_ in. He did say "Hi Fred, George." As he passed the second room. Which proved to be a mistake.

The twins simultaneously bellowed "Ronnikins! Hermikins! Your Harrikins is hereeeeeee!"

"Harry! Great to see you!" Hermione came running out. The presence of his trunk prevent one of her rib-crushing hugs. He made no effort to move the obstacle.

Ron came out, offering his standard "Hey mate", greeting.

"No mate here." Harry sneered.

Hermione blinked owlishly, but Ron just went on "We're set up in here."

"You are, maybe." Harry replied "I'm thinking the third floor sounds nice. Away from you traitors." He glanced behind him, spared a friendly expression and a "Hi, Gin."

"Hiya Harry." She gave a smile, then she and the twins quickly left the scene. They weren't sure exactly what was going on, but they wanted no part of drawing accidental fire.

After they passed, Harry glared and said, sarcastically "Maybe you two have heard of this invention. Called owl post. Friends send letters to each other. Hedwig's been here tw—"

"Don't take that tone with me, Harry Potter!" exclaimed Hermione, she stomped her foot.

"Stick that foot up your ass, Granger." he snapped back coldly.

Ron jumped to their mutual defense "Dumbledore told us not to!"

"Like we always do what Dumbledore says." Harry snorted disgustedly "If you two were going to abandon me, didn't I at least deserve notice? Why waste Hedwig's wing power?"

Hermione glared at him "It wasn't that way at all. And I do not like what you're assuming."

"Well I don't much care." Harry retorted, coldly "I've only had assumptions. No news from the Wizarding World for the last two months. Just the usual Dursley abuse. That, and nightmares about seeing Cedric tell me how I failed him. Got a match for that? How about you, git?" he turned a hateful look on Ron and stormed upstairs.

Hermione got in his path, glaring, pointing a finger "Now see here, Harry-" She was completely unprepared for her friend walking right into her as if she wasn't there, through the spot in which she'd been standing, knocked her over. And cried out when he stepped on her arm in going over her.

"Stay away, Ron." he ordered, coldly. Waving an uncaring hand, he added "And keep this away too. Or you'll both regret it." Then he proceeded on his interrupted climb.


	24. Chapter 24:Harry rips Moody, Snape, Dumb

[a/n] And this completes the Grimmauld Trilogy

Harry Does Different W

 **Harry rips Moody, Snape, Dumbledore**

************Dining Room

Dinner was a decidedly depressing affair. Everyone heard either Harry telling off Remus, or Hermione and Ron, or both. Harry finally said "Sirius, I set myself up in one of the 3rd floor rooms."

"Oh that won't do, Harry." Said Mrs. Weasley "We had planned on you and Ron shar-"

Harry interrupted "Not to be rude or nothing, Mrs. Weasley, but just now I'd rather share with Snape. At least he's always been honest in his hate for me."

" _Professor_ Snape does not hate you, Harry." She said.

He didn't miss the correction in her tone. Nodded to his Godfather with a smirk "With all due respect, YOU have never sat in a classroom with him. Snivilus hates me plenty. And, sure enough! Here's Greasy NOW!"

"Harry, _Professor_ Snape is your teacher and entitled to the respect of that position." Said Dumbledore as the pair walked into the kitchen.

Harry leaned his chair back against the wall and sneered "Well, we're not in Hogwarts just now. Are we, Albus.

"Pompous arrogant brat." Said Snape.

Sirius jumped up all set to hit him. Remus blocked him though. But it was Harry who countered "Fuck you Snivilus."

"Hahahah! Never apologize, boy!" Moody boomed with laughter.

Harry's eyes narrow at the old Auror "I don't need your support, Gimpy."

"Watch yourself, brat!" his mood changed that fast. He went for his wand.

Harry was significantly slower, but still unintimidated "How was that year in the trunk?"

"Bloody Hell!" all the youngsters were shocked. And Molly to the point where she did not correct their language.

Dumbledore allowed his magic to glow and declared "Enough of this nonsense! All of you! Now, Harry. Come September you need to learn a branch of magic called Occlumency. Professor Snape will be your instructor."

"Why him?" Harry asked. And Sirius echoed the question.

Molly tsked "Boys you mustn't question Professor Dumbledore.

"Harry, Professor Snape has my complete trust in this matter." He said with a disappointed look.

Harry snorted "Well, bully for you! He doesn't have mine."

"Harry!" Hermione scolded "That is rude!"

He glared at his _friend_ "When I want your opinion I'll hex it out of you! I don't need yours either Ron! Who else knows the occu-wazit?"

"We should formulate a suitable misdirection so no one becomes suspicious of you and Professor Snape spending so much time together." Dumbledore went on as if Harry hadn't spoken.

Harry threw a cup that exploded halfway between himself and the Potion Master [Snape tucked away his wand and snarled] Harry shrugged "I wouldn't -Snape's no teacher."

"A week's detention, Harry, for assaulting a Professor." said Dumbledore.

To the entire room's shock, The-Boy-Who-Lived gave a sarcastic snort and replied "No."

"You can't refuse a detention, Potter." Severus growled.

He glared at the Professor and bluntly retorted "The hell I can't." glanced at Sirius and incidentally, Mrs. Weasley "This look like Hogwarts? Anyway, Albus, find another way I can learn this occu-thing. You can go now. Mrs. Weasley! I'd like some butterbeer and a cheese sandwich please. Thanks." And he proceeded to eat as if no one was in the room.


	25. Chapter 25:LOTR

[a/n] Thought Moody deserved a little twist. hehe. I'm sure I'll visit #12 in the future. Did Harry see LOTR?

Harry Does Different X

 **Harry Helps the Defense**

"Good riddance Snivilus!" exclaimed Harry.

Minerva sighed in enormous satisfaction "That felt bloody awesome!" the she looked around at the shocked faces "What? Just because I don't tolerate foul language does not mean I cannot use it. Under the right circumstances."

"Fuckin A! Minerva." Ron shouted. He shrugged "As long as we're breaking the rules."

She shrugged "Under the circumstances… Now, I assume you have a purpose here, Harry. What do you need?"

"Time." Answered Harry.

She nodded, called for the rest of the staff. Cast a spell never seen before "I admit I've always wanted to do that. DEFEND THIS CASTLE!" All the statuary came to life and marched down to the doors.

"Professor?" Harry offered "If that's possible, can the… what I mean… Get the ghosts to help, too. They won the Battle of Minas Tirith."


	26. Chapter 26:Harry Saves Dumbledore

**[a/n]** Hmmm... Minas Tirith didn't generate much interest here. Ahh... well, how about the Tower battle.

 **Harry Does Different Y**

Harry Saves Dumbledore

"Good evening, Mr. Malfoy." Dumbledore greeted his late visitor "And what has you up at this hour?"

The young man pulled his wand, gritting out through clenched teeth "I have to kill you."

"Oh, Draco, you are not a murderer." Said the old man, kindly.

Draco almost broke down. He'd already opened the door for Death Eaters to come through. Crossed the line "Don't tell me who I am old man! I HAVE to do this! He'll KILL my mother!"

"I will not raise my wand, Draco." Dumbledore said quietly, he held it at his side "Can you kill someone in cold blood?"

Draco yelled "FIGHT ME! _Expelliarmus_! COME ON! PICK IT UP!" He was talking himself into a frenzy.

Harry had ALMOST fired. He sighed in relief when the Headmaster was only disarmed.

Dumbledore nodded "Bellatrix, Amycus, Alecto, Thorfinn."

"Draco! Kill him!" screeched Bellatrix.

"No." said a cold, harsh voice.

"Snape." Harry whispered to himself, recognizing far more an enemy than Draco ever was. He moved directly under and was able to see him through the floorboards. He saw him start to move. Yes, he'd promised to do everything Dumbledore said. He had, up til now. This? No! He would not! Just as the words came out… Harry was faster, and as merciless " _Avada Kedavra_!"

The Death Eaters were shocked as Snape's body was blasted out of the Astronomy Tower. It took time to react to the shock. Harry ran with each shot. He could see up through his ceiling. It was hard for them to see through their floor. And he was accurate. Three were dead before the others even moved.

"Harry!" yelled Dumbledore "You weren't supposed to!" Ancient and weak though he was, he recovered his wand and paralyzed Draco.

Harry burst through spell damage holes in the floor and killed another Death Eater.

The rest, including Bellatrix and the Carrows disapparated.

Sagging to the floor with exhaustion, Dumbledore sighed "I never wanted you to kill, Harry. To taint-" he ended in a coughing fit.

"Then you should've stopped Quirrel." Harry cut him off somewhat bitterly "I killed him. Then 16 year old Tom. Better fifty of them than you, or Ron, Hermione or Ginny, or Flitwick...Cedric."


	27. Chapter 27:Battle of the Prophecy

**Harry Does Different Z**

Battle of the Prophecy

"Expelliarmus!" Bellatrix yelled.

Harry watched in horror as his Godfather fell through the Veil of Death. He charged, only to be blocked by an equally mournful Remus Lupin. He pushed and pushed. Lupin threw him to the ground.

The Death Eaters retreated, their mission a mixed result. Bellatrix celebrating "I KILLED SIRIUS BLACK! LALALAL! I KILLED SIRIUS BLACK!" She was dancing with the gaiety of a schoolgirl.

"Bitch!" snarled Harry. Before anyone could pursue, he was after her. Yelled " _Crucio_!"

The insane witch stumbled, writhed briefly, stumbled away still singing "I KILLED SIRIUS BLACK! LALALAL! I KILLED SIRIUS BLACK!"

"Harry Harry Harry." The feared Dark Lord appeared in the hall, explained like a professor "Remember your Third Year Lessons. To successfully cast an Unforgivable you MUST MEAN it! Perhaps you would care to try again? Focus on your hate, boy."

All of his friends yelled "HARRYIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo!"

"Master?" asked Bella, hesitantly. Confused at the encouragement given to his worst enemy.

Harry's eyes leaked tears, changed color, focused on his Godfather's murderer. And with all his anger hate and grief, fired " _CRUCIO_!"

"MASTER!" Bella cried in pain. It was more intense than anything Voldemort had dealt out.

Voldemort clapped in amusement.

"You LET me suffer!" Bella was furious, not at Harry, but at Voldemort. She shook off the effects of the boy's spell and turned her wand on her master " _Avada Kedavra_!"

Minister Fudge gasped "L. .thingy!"

"Not quite my name, Minister. But thank you for your denials." The Dark Lord said, casually sidestepping his minion's attack "I have used the time most beneficially. But, for now, I must go."

Harry, having used one Unforgivable to positive effect, and seeing the effect Bella's had, used the Killing Curse twice. One on Bellatrix, the other on Voldemort. Bella was instantly dead. Voldemort howled in pain and his body dissolved, leaving a wisp of vapor. Some of the witnesses cheered, others yelled for Harry's arrest.


	28. Chapter 28:Tent Fun

**Harry Does Different Z1**

Tent Fun

"What do you mean you don't have a plan!" shouted Ron.

Harry gave a dirty look and countered "Well Snape sorta murdered him before he could share every last detail."

"This whole hunt has been hell!" declared Ron.

Harry snorted sarcastically "Well, sorry, _mate_. I'll book Buckingham Palace for our next stay!"

"Dammit you two!" shouted Hermione "Stop it! Can't you tell? It's the Horcrux affecting him?".

The boys glared angrily at each other, at her, back. And Ron finally announced "This is tripe! I'm done!"

"No! Ron!" yelled Hermione.

Harry ignored her and taunted "Go on! Coward! Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out!" There was a brief scuffle. Then Ron stomped out and they both saw a flash.

Abcij

Hours later, Harry and Hermione were sitting across the tent's table working. Well, pretending to work is more accurate.

The Wizard Wireless went from depressing news reports to music. A gentle beat. Harry looked over his frames at Hermione, half smiled and tapped his fingers. Hermione sighed, but smiled and began tapping her left foot. The pair both leaned up and began swaying to the music. Harry stood and gallantly offered a hand. Hermione took it, stood and playfully curtsied. For a couple minutes their bodies just swayed side to side.

She caught him when he stumbled slightly and their hands stayed linked. Then their other hands joined. The pair danced around the room smiling at each other. Harry pulled Hermione in close then pushed out. She laughed in surprise at the movement and then repeated it. They laughed together then Harry released a hand and spun her around.

"You really can dance." She said in delight, taking another couple of spins. Then they pulled apart and close a few more times. Hermione was quite definitely enjoying herself. The music changed to a fast beat. There she was much better than Harry, but it didn't matter. After just under 4 minutes of wild gyrating and foot movements she was panting and her hair was as wild as no time since First Year and couldn't care less.

Harry had only snorted at the minor insult to his dancing ability. He was laughing and huffing as much as his best friend was. There weren't many moments like this in his life. Looking at her all disheveled produced a full belly laugh. "You look like…remember that night ' _Or worse! Expelled'_ Just older! Hahaha!"

"Oh you!" she growled and punched his shoulder lightly.

He whined "'Owwwwwww!" over-dramatically. A slow ballad started.

"This is for all you lovers out there." The DJ announced "It's the last from me. Half a dozen slow warm tunes to get you all in that mood in these violent times. Stay safe. Stay in love. Remember to stand at attention for God Save the Queen at the end. Hahah! Unless you blokes have something else standing at attention. Programming resumes at 6am."

The pair only half heard what the wizard said as they were still trying to shevel their disheveled selves. As the ballad started, Harry straightened and offered his hand. He held her at arm's length as they swayed together in time to the music. Over time both her hands went to his shoulders and his held her waist. Towards the end of the second ballad she began fiddling with the hair on his neck. Harry did not object and soon their foreheads were resting against each other.

Their swaying slowed and well before the last ballad Harry moved his head, brushed her nose with his, and kissed her. It was chaste and dry….at first….but Hermione licked his lips and a tongue duel ensued. By the time they broke the Wizard Wireless was only playing static.

"What about Ginny [Ron]?" they both asked simultaneously. A bit of thinking, and they both went through a moment of guilt. Harry's eyes suddenly flashed with mischief and Hermione all but read his mind. At the same time, they said "Fuck [Ginny] Ron" laughing.


	29. Chapter 29:Snape's Death

[a/n] Well said Slytherin66 - What's wrong with de-bodying a Dark Lord so you can find his Horcruxes? Why do they HAVE to wait until they're all destroyed before going after him?

[a/n2] Alan Rickman is awesome. Severus is as bad Hans Gruber & Sherriff George

 **Harry Does Different Za**

Snape's Death

Harry came upon a confrontation. He stopped, hid, and watched.

"I require your death, Severus." Said Voldemort "You have been a valuable spy. Without Dumbledore around, that part of your usefulness is ended. And your main service now, to me is as possessor of the Death Stick."

The former Potion Master pointed out "And Headmaster of Hogwarts, My Lord."

"But, I can best assure the Death Stick's loyalty to me by becoming its Master." Said Voldemort, silkily. Then he hissed briefly.

Harry understood him to be saying in Parseltongue " _Nagini, kill him_!" And wondered at his failing to defend himself. Looked on as Voldemort's familiar delivered a dozen poisonous bites. And the Dark Lord claiming the wand from Snape's dying form. He waited until Snape was alone, sneered "You're a fool for letting him kill you."

Snape coughed violently, then "You will need some memories if you stand a chance of finishing the job, Potter. See them before facing the Dark Lord."

"His name's Tom Riddle. Just another student, 50 years ago." Harry pointed out "Not even a Pureblood. Of course, neither are you." He pressed a phial under the dying man's eye, collected tears.

Snape's last breaths were sarcastic laughter "Your head need get no bigger, Potter."

"You've been saying that since First Year, _professor_." Harry countered, his tone offering no respect to the title.

Snape touched his face for a moment, noting as all others had "You have your Mother's eyes."

"And the Son of Lily Evans curses you." Said Harry… He had more to say, but noticed the light of life was gone from Severus Snape's eyes. A sound warned him to move on.


	30. Chapter 30:Letter to the Editors

[a/n] Harry venting on the whole of Magical Britain.

[a/n2] delia cerrano-I'll do a redeem Snape post. Just for you.

 **Harry Does Different Zc**

Letter to the Editors

HARRY POTTER RESPONDS! Was the headline on every major paper in the Wizarding World. Monthly and weekly magazines put out special editions on September 6. Every publication had his picture on the front page. Some, but not all, had a disclaimer "Management does not endorse statements herein" Or words to that effect.

 _To All You F –CENSORED-ing Liars_

 _Don't believe V-CENSORED-t is back? You think Cedric Diggory died of a sneezing fit? NO! A Death Eater named Peter Pettigrew murdered him. Why? For being in the wrong place at the wrong time. If you don't believe that, you're also among the f-CENSORED-ing idiots who believe Sirius Black got a fair and impartial trial._

 _Want proof? I saw three without their masks. The fathers of two of my classmates I only know by last name Crabbe and Goyle. Then, as V-CENSORED-t himself called him, his slippery friend Lucius Malfoy. Yep, Mr. Bribery himself. Someone look into the money trail of all his donations._

 _Lord Jumble as I call him, oh perhaps I should explain that. Tom Marvolo Riddle was a student at Hogwarts in the 1930s & 40s. Why is this relevant? Take TOM MARVOLO RIDDLE and rearrange the letters. I'll start you out __**I AM _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _**_ __ Gathered his first generation of sycophants in the 1930s & 40s among Hogwarts students, where he was Head Boy. He got that by framing Rubeus Hagrid for the death of Myrtle Henderson aka Moaning Myrtle. Proof? Did Myrtle have any spider bites on her body? _

_Being a Death Eater is a hard career. Never know when the boss might Crucio you. Avada you. Send you on a mission where it's kill or be killed. Retirement benefits? Nope. Lengthy stays in Azkaban? Probably._

 _The-Boy-Who-Lived_

 _How did he survive? That day my Mum sacrificed herself for me? Figured that out. He created a number of Horcruxes. Do you know what that is? You're halfway to being the witch/wizard I want. Be really smart and daring? Do you want_ _ **GG100,000**_ _? Find a Horcrux bring it to Hogwarts and give it to me, personally, and I'll pay it. Anybody who wants a shot at **GG1,000,000** just needs to bring me V-CENSORED-T's head._

 _A last thought for all you Purebloodists. By the way, how am I a Halfblood? Both of my parents were Magicals. The 'great champion' of the Pureblood movement was mothered by a near Squib and fathered by an Amortentiaed Muggle. Think on that all you extremists who let yourselves be branded like cattle._

 _As a last word, I'd like to thank Hermione Granger for correcting my spelling and grammar... and Xenophilius Lovegood._

The Great Hall was its usual chaotic morning self, until the papers arrived. Everyone fell silent into reading. Harry looked around smugly. Completely enjoying the sight of people gaping at their papers. He winked at Hermione.

"Harry? What have you done?" Dumbledore exclaimed, then, shockingly, passed out.

Professor McGonagall addressed him "Potter, I believe the Headmaster would like to see you in his office shortly."

"Right-o!" he replied cheerily. And skipped off, after a salute to Luna.


	31. Chapter 31:Sectusempra

[a/n] Dedicated to delia cerrano's request

[a/n2] An Independence Day joke Is there a 4th of July in England? See bottom for answer.

* * *

 **Harry Does Different Zb**

Sectusempra

"You have no idea what you're interfering with, Potter." The blonde Slytherin growled, drawing his wand.

The raven headed Gryffindor allowed his wand to fall out of his wrist holder, demanding "Why don't you tell me all about it Draco."

"Leave, or else." Malfoy threatened.

Harry laughed humorlessly, countering "No I don't think I will. Where you go, I go. What are-?" His question choked down in an effort to dodge a spell that ripped the air inches from his out-thrust knee. And a running, hiding, duel was on. Harry quickly gained the upper hand, Draco simply didn't match up. Harry's final offensive spell was what he'd picked up from the mysterious Half-Blood Prince potions book. " _Sectusempra_!"

"Ahhhhhhh!" Draco cried as it hit him right in the belly. He looked in shock as long gory streaks appeared all over his body. Three on his torso, multiple ones on his arms and legs, another across the back of his head. His wand fell to the floor, followed by Draco himself.

Harry ran up and looked down at his school nemesis drowning in a pool of his own blood. He somehow couldn't summon up much grief over the bleeding Slytherin. Then a sixth sense made him throw himself on the floor. He jumped up dripping in red colored water, and fired an impressive salvo in the direction the unfriendly spell came from. The whole row of toilet stalls were disintegrated.

When the dust settled, Severus Snape stood there and coldly ordered "Leave Potter. Now!"

"Or what?" he countered "You'll take points, Snivilus."

Inwardly, Severus was panicking. His Unbreakable Vow was urging him to act to save Draco's life "That spell, Potter, I invented it. Only I know the counter. Draco is my Godson. Let me save his life or I will wholeheartedly aid the Dark Lord in killing you."

"I'd love to watch him exsanguinate." Harry sneered, impressed with his own vocabulary.

To which Severus countered "I assume Granger taught you that word. You can show off later. Move now, or die now."

"If your wand even flickers in my direction you'll regret it." Harry stepped aside, unintimidated.

The Potion Master acted quickly, waved his wand over the near death student. In minutes the crisis was over, although Draco was unconscious. Tightly, furiously, he addressed the son of his enemy. "As much as I hate this, and you….Potter… thank you. And…you may…ask anything of me in recompense."

"A public apology for being an asshole to me for the last six years might be nice." Harry sneered "But what I want more than that is the opportunity to kill Voldemort. I hate him a lot more than I hate you. Make that happen and I'll call it square."

Severus looked ready to strangle Harry, and he couldn't help taunting "You think you could take on the Dark Lord? That is the dictionary definition of arrogant."

"Maybe, maybe not." Harry countered "The way I see it, I got an .822 record against Tommy. I fought him to a draw two years ago."

"I hadn't considered that." Snape admitted "Odds are I could get you your chance relatively easily. However, I could not remotely guarantee your own safety."

Harry was indifferent "As long as I take the bastard with me, I'll be well content."

"Well, there's that Gryffindor popping through." Snape sneered.

Harry smirked and kicked Draco in the ribs "If it wasn't for this git I'd've gone to Slytherin. How'd you like that? My Head of House? Hmmm? Anyway, you do the planning I'll do the killing."

"You think you can actually kill someone, Potter?" asked Snape, honestly "I mean actually do it?"

Harry snorted "My first murder was when I was eleven. I've either killed, almost killed or died every year since. You just give me my chance."

Abcij

 _ **THE QUIBBLER August 4, 2007**_

 _ **CHOSEN ONE'S NEW SON**_

 _By Luna Scamander_

 _On the tenth anniversary of the death of Tom Riddle, or as his followers called him, the Dark Lord I am pleased and honored to be allowed to announce the latest addition to the Potter Family._

 _To recap this day a decade ago, after dueling one Draco Malfoy almost to death, Harry Potter and Severus Snape plotted to end the Second Wizard War. Then Professor Snape supplied Harry with a portkey to Malfoy Manor where Riddle was skulking with his sycophants. That day, no Death Eaters were there. Snape activated the portkey he supplied Potter with, and after a fight that all but destroyed the Malfoy Estate, the pair killed Voldemort._

 _Both are hailed as national heroes and were awarded Orders of Merlin, First Class for their actions._

 _At 10:02AM my lifelong friend Ginevra Potter [nee Weasley] gave birth to six pound two ounces of bouncing baby boy. Mother, baby and father are doing well._

 _Pictured below are Godmother Fleur Weasley [nee Delacour] whom you may remember from 1994's Triwizard Tournement at Hogwarts. Godfather Severus Snape. And baby Albus Severus Potter._

abcij

"Fucken stupid Snivilus!" Ron Weasley pushed the article across the table at his father-in-law.

Hermione Granger Weasley sighed "Ron, language. And Severus has mellowed over the years. He's even smiling. Well... more or less."

"What was that quote?" Ian Granger glanced at his daughter, rhetorically asking "Oh yeah Put that hand down you insufferable know-it-all."

She rolled her eyes and scolded "Neither of you are excused from the Christening. Ronald, your best friend would never forgive you, to say nothing of Lily. And, no Daddy, there is no dental emergency serious enough. Clear?"

"What she said." Michelle Granger pointed a finger at her husband.

* * *

[a/n3] Of course there is! You think the English calendar skips from July 3rd to July 5th!


	32. Chapter 32:Knockturn Alley

[a/n] What Would A Slytherin Harry do?

[a/n2] Have to admit it was a fun writing a redeem Snape story

 **Harry Does Different Zd**

Knockturn Alley

"Diagonally" said Harry as he dropped Floo into the Weasley fireplace. He, very quickly, noted he was not where he was supposed to be. Nor was he. Everything about this store gave him the creeps. A skeletal hand seized his and pinned him to the wall. Then, he spotted Draco Malfoy at the door. Luckily, it was well before the door opened that he ducked into an iron maiden before anyone saw him. Lucky, Harry soon realized, was a relative term. He bit his tongue when a spike poked his side. Good thing he was small.

A man clearly Draco's father entered behind his school nemesis. Draco put a box on the counter. Harry couldn't see in the box. The owner appeared "What would you like, Mr. Malfoy?" he asked greedily. Almost bowed to "And young Mr. Malfoy."

"Selling today. All the Ministry raids." Sneered Malfoy Senior.

The owner shook his head "Shame. Blood means less and less these days." He looked in the box, grinned. Counted out 7 Galleons. Lucius glared, reached into the box, took many more Galleons. The owner gave an exaggerated, black toothed smile. When Lucius was distracted, the owner pocketed some of the Galleons that Lucius added.

After Lucius was gone "Hello , sir. Harry Potter, at your service." He said, coming out of the iron maiden with a smile. Offering his hand.

The owner replied coldly, "Caractacus Burke. You have a lot of nerve, boy, spying on my transactions."

"Be that as it may." Harry shrugged, carelessly "You have a lot of nerve cheating an important man like Mr. Malfoy. Wouldn't want that known? Would ya?"

Burke grinned nastily "Nothing to stop me from doing away with the leak."

"Except my wand…ahhh…look down." Harry countered, grinning "No reason to end this in violence. Might I propose a mutually beneficial arrangement? I'll …aahh..forget to tell Mr. Malfoy, if you'll tell me everything you buy and sell and from whom."

Burke considered the wand, snarled "Sneaky boy. But I seem to have little choice." He couldn't hide the fear he felt.

"Capital!" Harry enthused "Of course, I'll be glad to compensate you …reasonably…" After listening and writing for a solid hour... "One small favor, for now…point me in the best direction for Florian's? Have a pleasant day." He'd need to hit Gringotts. This would likely be an expensive, but useful, relationship.


	33. Chapter 33:Reasonable Restriction

**[a/n]** Made a duplicate posting. Here's the actual.

 **Harry Does Different Ze**

Reasonable Restriction

"Behave yourself, Dursley." Alastair Moody warned. A particularly large, black dog growled and snarled. Tried to pull away from an oddly dressed pink-haired woman.

Harry sat in a sulky silence all the way to Privet Dr. Once there, without any help of course, he dragged his trunk into #4. "Another month in Durzkaban." He growled.

"What does the mean, Freak?" Uncle Vernon snapped, and shoved Harry into a wall.

Harry's wand was out in a flash "Don't. push. Me. Again!" he commanded.

"No one issue orders in this house but me!" a slowly purpling Vernon snarled "And I know you can't do your freakishness. Now! You'll get yours!" And he wound up a roundhouse punch.

Harry yelled " _Accio_!" One of the Dursley pictures was suddenly in the path of Vernon's fist.

And it stayed there when it, shattering, and bloodying his uncle's right fist.

Seconds later, Vernon's right fist came around.

Harry repeated " _Accio_!" In came the large, heavy mirror from the living room.

Vernon shattered it and cried in pain. His whole, beefy left arm was bloody. He collapsed desperately cradling his injured arm. "Rotten freak!" he laughed, sickly "You'll get it now!" And his prediction was fulfilled all but instantly.

 _Dear Mr. Potter_

 _We have received intelligence you have violated the Reasonable Restriction for Underaged Wizardry. Based on previous precedent, we will be hearing you at Courtroom 10 Next Thursday morning, 11:30._

 _Hoping you are well_

 _Mafalda Hopkirk_

"See Uncle." Harry gloated, unconcerned for his bleeding relative, "No expulsion. Wand still works. Bet'cha anything I'll have it next year too. Nyaaanyaaa!"

*** * * * * * * *Courtroon 10

"Harry Potter, we meet again." This time the judge was Amelia Bones "My niece has good things to say about you."

He smiled "She is real nice."

"Well, to business. Harry James Potter, you are charged with violating the Reasonable Restriction for Underaged Wizardry. How do you plead?" she asked.

Harry answered "Not guilty!"

"Ah-hem!"

"Albus Dumbledore for the def—"

"Ah-hem!"

"Madam Umbridge, if you wish to speak there is a procedure. Now then-"

Harry rolled his eyes "Aww… shaddup Toad!"

"Harry, offending someone sitting in judgment is not necessarily beneficial to your case." The Headmaster pointed out.

The young wizard shrugged "Your Honor, I think we can settle this after the court views my memory of the incident in question." After they did so, "May I ask a couple questions?"

"Proceed Mr. Potter." Madam Bones allowed.

Umbridge interrupted "The minister wou-"

"Section 3 Paragraph 14 allows an accused to manage his or her defense as they please." Bones cut her off.

Harry nodded "Thank you, Ma'am. Is self defense an exception to the Reasonable Restriction for Underaged Wizardry?"

"Yes, Mr. Potter, I believe that counts as one." Said Madam Bones.

Umbridge again interrupted "The Minister of Magic is the final interpreter of all laws."

"Please do not confuse young minds, Madam Undersecretary. That is not the way our charter reads." Bones said "Continue Mr. Potter."

"Yes Ma'am" said Harry "And it is also important the witch or wizard make every effort to ensure the Statute of Secrecy?"

Bones acknowledged "Most definitely correct."

"Well, I submit, that in this case my life was potentially in danger. So my use of magic was reasonable." Harry concluded "The muggle who saw my magic use is aware of magic AND it took place inside his home. Thus, no risk of magic being exposed."

Umbridge put in "I think, before ruling, we should hear from the injured party."

"Why, Madam Umbridge." Bones acknowledged with a sugary tone "You've a long history of zero interest in what any muggle has to say. Is there any objection to a ruling?" There was not "Guilty?" **_11 Hands_ ** "Not Guilty?" **_65_ ** "Abstentions?" **_24_ ** "Case dismissed."

*** * * * * *#12 Grimmauld

"Harry? You won? I cannot believe it!" Hermione celebrated.

He accepted a hug "I owe it all to you. The REASONABLE restriction. It was a piece of cake. Didn't even need whashisname."

"Shame on you, Harry." Mrs. Weasley scolded "Professor Dumbledore has your best interests at heart.

Harry wasn't much interested. Ginny had appeared to congratulate him with a hug of her own. She smelled real good. How long are the 'friend hugs' supposed to last?


	34. Chapter 34: 2 in 1

[a/n] Vernon explaining his injury from Ch#33?

Peter Grunning pushed open the door that read OIL - JUNIOR VP and said "Step up your game, Dursley! Six unscheduled days off? Hurts sales!"

"Yes sir." Harry Potter's uncle simpered "Though remember there is a weekend in there!"

The owner clapped his hands "Come come Dursley! Sales is a seven day job. You've known that since you were an account collector."

"Oh I know sir. I know." Vernon pushed himself no-handed out from behind his desk. He held up his bandaged hands and explained "But, as you can see, I had a bit of an accident."

The owner twirled on his mustache, notably similar to his employee's, thoughtfully and commiserated "Looks painful, my boy, yes painful indeed. How'd it happen?"

"Oh silly really, sir. Really." answered Vernon. He'd made a bad slip not thinking up a plausible lie. The truth that he'd been hurt assaulting his magic using nephew was simply impossible. He hemmed and hawed and chuckled at his own 'stupidity' Finally he had a story "Cleaning the gutters at home. You know, showing the boy how to do a man's job."

Mr. Grunning nodded with a wince "I see. Well, keep on top of things, Dursley." he said "And in future be careful."

"Yes sir. Thank you sir!" Vernon promised.

In the hallway, one clerk said to another "Can you picture that elephant climbing a ladder with his hippo son?"

"Back to work ladies." the owner told them "Chop chop!" But he winked at them. They giggled into their hands and made to getting busy.

[a/n2] Thx for the idea slytherin66.

 **Harry Does Different Zf**

The Death Stone

"Dad? Mum?" said Harry as he studied the Mirror of Desire. He ignored Professor Quirrell.

The back of the professor's head yelled "Fool! Get the stone!"

"Dad! Mum!" Harry repeated. This time, activating the magic of the Stone. Out of the mirror came James and Lily Potter. They both reacted as berserkers. Literally tearing Quirrell to shreds. When done, their expressions turned tender and they embraced their son. It was the happiest moment of the boy's life, even if all three were covered in gore.

James ruffled his hair "You're amazing, Son. Twice the wizard I ever was. Still so much to do."

"I want to be with you. And Mum." The young wizard sobbed.

Lily shook her head "Oh no, sweetheart, it's not nearly time. You have done so much and suffered so much. There is so much you still have to do."

"I'm so tired Mum." He said sadly.

James squeezed his shoulder and said "Yes you have tough times ahead. But you would miss out on joy, happiness, love. When you win, and you will, you will not want to be with us."

"You have children, Grandchildren and Great-grandchildren to make and meet and get to know." Lily predicted.

James turned him around "And you need to push for yourself. Listen to advice, but make your own decisions. Then make them right. Two things I need you to remember. Demand answers from Dumbledore. Threaten him with Rita Skeeter. Second thing, Sirius Black is innocent, Peter Pettigrew is alive and guilty. Got that?"

"Uh-huh, I guess." Replied Harry.

James shook his head "No! Repeat it back to me!"

"Goto Rita Skeeter to get Dumbledore to talk. Peter Pettigrew is alive. Sirius Black is innocent." Harry repeated. Several times until his father was satisfied.

Lily hugged him and got to eye level "Now, Harry. We don't belong here. Use the Stone again. Let us go. Send it to Nicholas Flamel."

"Kay Mum. I love you. Both. Never got to say that." He said with a sad smile and watched them fade.

The leader of the light completed his business at the Ministry to his complete satisfaction and was eagerly looking forward to returning to Hogwarts. He was entirely unaware of how his world had already changed.


	35. Chapter 35:The Basilisk

[a/n] More someone gets Harry to do different

 **Harry Does Different Zg**

The Basilisk 

"One thousand Galleons from the Weasley vault and two fifty from Harry Potter's trust vault." Molly Weasley ordered the goblin.

Griphook acknowledged the authenticity of the Potter key, however "Gringotts can no longer allow withdrawals from the account without the owner's presence."

"Why! Of all the !" Molly began to rage.

"Madam." The goblin said coldly "You can either leave on your feet, or on your knees. Decide!"

Mrs. Weasley did not exactly understand the threat, but knew it was one "You've not heard the last of this!" she said in a quiet rage.

***Next Day

"It was necessary, young Potter, to bring you in for a chat." A goblin in a plain suit wearing a gold medallion didn't quite apologize "Gringotts did not see a deposit from your slaying of the basilisk. Have you chosen to go with another firm?"

Harry shook his head, then scratched it in confusion "Uhhh….no sir… Truth is I know so little about the Wizarding World that I didn't even know there was a bank besides Gringotts."

"I see." Replied the Goblin "Then we find ourselves more confused. Where is all the money from the Basilisk?"

Again, Harry scratched his head. All he offered was a monosyllabic "Huh?"

"You did sell the remains of the Basilisk you slayed?" he wanted to know "Did you not?"

Harry blinked "Err..nooooo…still in the Chamber. Well, as far as I know."

"Your kind is doing you a true disservice, Mr. Potter." He said "We were correct to meet privately. Take us to the Chamber. We will sell it for you. For a small fee."

Harry answered "Ahhh….sure…Any reason we can't go now?"

"A wizard of action! We approve!"


	36. Chapter 36:Splinched

[a/n] Liked Susan from seeing her in HPSS. A review said she wore the badges. Decided a bash was in order.

 **Harry Does Different Zh**

Splinched 

"Volunteers? Thank you Miss Bones." Wilkie Twycross announced "And remember one has but to recall _The Three D's_ : Destination, Determination and Deliberation. One must be completely _determined_ to reach one's _destination_ , and move without haste, but with _deliberation!"_

The redhead Sixth Year looked at her best friend, nodded, closed her eyes. Just as everyone in the room noticed the air begin to twist, Susan sneezed. "She must've splinched!" Hannah Abbott yelled "Where is she!?"

"Help me." Susan was laying in a hallway in a state of shock. She looked around and noticed her left leg propped against a wall some five feet away and screamed "SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!"

Harry Potter, meanwhile, was late to Defense Against the Dark Arts class cursing "I bloody hate bloody Snape!" And, he faintly heard a voice. He stopped and cautiously headed down the empty corridor. Someone was whimpering.

"Hello?" sobbed Susan "Someone there? I splinched muh-self!"

He ran up, knelt down, asked "Are you alright?"

"Well for someone whose leg is out of reach!" snapped Susan

Flustered, he looked and said "Wow. Ooops. I see….errr maybe get you …to uhhhmm…Madam Pomfrey."

"Sorry, Harry" she said "Just been here a while. Can I trouble you for some help?"

He walked over, looked at the girl's detached leg, scratched his head a bit. Opted to just pick it up by the knee then back to the girl. Now, Harry was several inches taller than Susan, at least 30 pounds heavier, and an athlete. But still not used to thinking like a wizard. So, without too much effort, he picked her up off the floor and started walking.

"You know, Harry, there are spells that make things lighter." She offered after a couple minutes.

Harry replied, a little crossly "You might've mentioned it sooner."

"Sorry." She answered sheepishly, changed the subject "Everyone seems to be doing better in Potions."

He nodded "Five years of Snape makes any teacher look good."

"Even Lockhart?" she asked.

He retorted "Right. You had to find the exception."

"I dropped Divination a week after you did." She offered "Ran out of ways to die."

He said lightly "Death by Voldemort should be enough."

"Ehh!" she flinched.

He apologized "We do have that in common. But fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself."

Susan fell silent, thinking on the matter.

"Madam Pomfrey!" Harry called out, pushing open the Hospital Wing door.

All too soon in Susan's opinion. She found being carried by Harry Potter to be a rather pleasant experience "You know, a girl usually has to get married to have a boy carry her all around." She flirted lightly.

"Umm" grunted Harry, not noticing the flirt.

In came the Mediwitch yelling "What now Mr. Potter! Oh! Not you for a change! Well, set her down here. Miss Bones, nothing serious, You'll be good as new in a couple hours."

"You don't need me anymore? Do you Madam Pomfrey? I missed most of Defense and Snape will hang me as it is." asked Harry. He didn't have much desire to hang around Susan Bones, or many Hufflepuffs for that matter.

Madam Pomfrey replied "Not at all, stay and I will give you a note."

"Thanks for carrying me, Harry. Very gallant of you." Susan said, brightly. She was rather disappointed by his lack of response. Tried a rather blunt [especially for her] come on "Not every day you get to squeeze a girl's legs."

He gave a mostly blank look and asked "Huh?"

"Subtlety doesn't work on Harry. Got it." She commented, then turned on her winningest smile [she didn't waste it on anyone] "There's a Hogsmeade weekend coming up. Day after tomorrow. Wanna go together?"

That, of course, got Harry's attention. He answered, rather curtly "No. I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why not!?" she demanded. She certainly had not expected the refusal, or the tone. She used her anger to hide the hurt.

Harry's look was decidedly unpleasant, he asked "Remember what else the Support Cedric badges said? Thanks for the note Madam Pomfrey. See ya 'round, Bones."

***********Great Hall, Dinner

"It looks like you really upset Susan Bones, Harry." Hermione observed the Hufflepuff table from her seat "She's barely eating."

Harry showed little interest, while Ron commented "No law against refusing a date. I wouldn't go out with anyone who wore those badges." To that, Harry grinned.

A bit later, when they weren't paying attention, Hannah Abbott came up from behind, suddenly yanked on his hair and yelled in his face "NO ONE HURTS MY BEST FRIEND!"

"GET OFF!" Harry snarled. Someone having a fistful of your hair can really hurt. He grabbed Hannah's hand, twisted her wrist and shoved the blonde down the aisle. Screamed at her "YOURE A BITCH AND SO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND!"

Susan was looking on in horror this wasn't what she wanted. Not at all. She wanted to make it right…for all the Hufflepuffs wearing badges.

"I HOPE YOU-KNOW-WHO GETS YOU!" Hannah screeched as she charged and slapped his face so hard it immediately began swelling.

Harry blocked her second swing, pushed her head down, kneed her in the stomach and face, then kicked her in the back after she fell to the floor "Here's a lesson for the DA in muggle fighting." He said coolly, not breathing heavy "Punching someone in the face can break knuckles. Hit the soft spots."

"Mister Potter!" Professor McGonagall's voice echoed through the Hall "Clean yourself up and be in my office in one quarter of an hour!"


	37. Chapter 37:Shame of Ravenclaw

[a/n] Couple reviews questioned Harry's violence. What's wrong with protecting oneself? He didn't know how long Hannah was going to keep up.

[a/n1] McGonagall's order. Borrowed from the 1984 Dune movie. Easy to see Sian Phillips as Head of Gryffindor.

[a/n2] Up next, a series of House bashing. Like the Grimmauld sequence.

 **Harry Does Different Zi**

Shame of Ravenclaw

"Good evening Harry Potter." Said a voice.

Pulled from deep in thought, he jumped, half pulled his wand "Oh." He relaxed "Hi Luna. Yes, I suppose it is."

"You seem to have your nargle infestation down." She studied him with a bend of her neck "Unfortunately, the wrackspurts are up a trifle."

Harry squirmed a bit under her scrutiny, then asked "Can you help me treat them? Can you at least help me see them?"

"Not yet. Neither is very serious." She answered "But, one day, we will certainly have a long discussion." Then she started skipping away.

Harry smiled at his departing friend. Luna was unusual, but … nice. She had a strange twist on the world that somehow appealed. Then he noticed "Luna! Come back here!"

"Yes, Harry?" she froze and walked back meekly.

He was shocked by how she closed up. Said "I'm angry, Luna, but not at you. For you! Luna? Where are your shoes?"

"Oh Harry, it's nothing important." Luna answered airily "I usually get most of my stuff back by school end."

He only got angrier "People who do this!" he growled "Luna! They're bullies! How much of your stuff is missing? How long?"

"Oh just-" she began

He cut her off "Well it stops NOW! Come with me!" and pulled her along. In the Great Hall, which was only lightly populated, he leapt right from the floor to the top of the table.

"Get off my textbook, Potter!" a sixth year boy growled. Harry kicked it across the room, eliciting a shout of "PROFESSOR!"

Which produced the arrival of Professor Flitwick who was proctoring Study Hall at the time. "Potter! What is the meaning of this? Excuse me Miss Lovegood."

"Exactly part of the problem." Harry snapped "Tell me, professor, do you ALWAYS push Luna aside?"

The Head of Ravenclaw blinked "What? What? What?"

"You know…..you're a great teacher, Professor. But I don't think much of you as a Head of House."

The half-goblin spluttered in anger "How dare you! That will be -"

"Detention? Points? BAH!" Harry interrupted dismissively, "Won't change to truth. Why do you allow bullying in your House?"

He grunted angrily "I allow no such thing!"

"Really?" Harry sneered down at Flitwick "Take a good look at Luna and see if you can repeat that?"

He did, looking the young witch up and down, critically then asked "Miss Lovegood, footwear IS part of the standard dress code. Please explain." Luna was looking down, embarrassed

"Great! Sure!" Harry jumped on that "Blaming the victim! That's how bullies get away with it. Why aren't you finding her stuff? Why aren't you stopping it?"

Feeling defensive, Flitwick answered "How was I to know if Miss Lovegood did not tell me?"

"I figured it out in five minutes." Harry said with a snort of disgust "Just now. Luna's been living in your House for four years. I'm 15. How old are you?"

The professor stammered in shock. No less about a student talking to him in this manner, but that he had a point. The need to establish order asserted itself "This can be discussed in a different, reasonable, manner Potter." He ordered "Now, get down!"

"Did I say I was finished?" Harry snapped. He brought out his wand, walked 2/3 the length of the Ravenclaw table, all the while a purple spell spreading out behind him. Students were pushed to the floor "Thank you to the Restricted Section for this. And of course, my favorite researcher."

Hermione had been trying to get Harry to stop, but this brought an embarrassed smile to her face.

He glared around "Here's the story. Luna is my friend. An attack on Luna is an attack on me. Interesting spell, this, won't let anybody in. So tough luck Ravenclaw, you'll be sitting close. No, you won't be able to get your stuff out, except under two circumstances. If you are truly innocent of taking anything from Luna, you're all clear. If you've taken anything from her, you must return it …during meals tomorrow… for all to see.

"I have a paper due tomorrow I was working on!" Came from several.

Harry jumped down in front of one complainer, asked coldly "How many assignments have Luna missed?"

"Can you back up that mouth of yours, Potter?" a Seventh Year witch asked.

Flitwick ordered "Stop this now!"

"Dunno Michelle" Harry growled "You're talking to a guy whose been kicking Voldemort's arse since 1980. OH, sorry, scared of Lord Jumble? Didn't do too bad in the Triwizard either, did i?"

The professor ordered "You are being unreasonable, Mr. Potter. Drop that spell immediately!"

"Sorry, no." he replied "But it probably wouldn't be hard for one of you professors to break. Though, if you do, everything inside….ahhh! Poof!

The Headmaster and Deputy arrived on the scene almost predictably on time. The professors consulted at length. Dumbledore briefly examined the field enclosing 2/3 of the Ravenclaw table. He approached and said "Harry, surely there is a more reasonable method to resolving this?"

"Found out you can't cancel it out either?" Harry whispered, pleased.

Dumbledore admitted "A very interesting spell. I don't suppose you would care to share the incantation?"

"Not today, Professor." Harry answered, bluntly "The solution is simple. They return Luna's stuff, they get theirs back."

Quietly, he explained "However, Harry, it is your implied threat to the property of your fellow students that concerns me."

"Nothing 'implied' about it, Professor." Answered Harry. "Nothing they didn't do to Luna."

McGonagall, trying to offer reason, asked "Suppose, Potter, your classmates have left something particularly valuable on that table?"

"That would be, unfortunate, Professor." Harry replied, unflinchingly "Luna, do you happen to know everything you're missing?"

She nodded "Oh, yes Harry."

"Is any of it worth a lot to you?" he asked. Harry looked around to the entire room "Well, there you have it, people. Return Luna's stuff. Admit to being a thief. Take your punishment. You'll get your stuff back. Every day, I'll make it a little smaller. Too small to hold all the stuff inside."

The same Seventh Year smirked "No problem then. We just wait him out."

"You can, sure." agreed Harry, in a falsely friendly tone "And watch whatever doesn't fit go the way of Quirrell. Remember him? And should anything happen to me... well, that'll be just too bad... for all of you."

Luna grinned at Harry and said "Thank you Harry. I don't know how to thank you."

"You just did." He answered, face with the same expression Luna usually wears.


	38. Chapter 38:Shame of Gryffindor

[a/n] Got Hufflepuff before & Ravenclaw with the last chapter. Just rewatched the final battle, decided JKR did enough to Slytherin. So, this'll be enough House shaming for now.

 **Harry Does Different Zj**

Shame of Gryffindor

It was the beginning of Harry Potter's Fifth Year. And he looked around his House with a carefully neutral look that was hiding thoughts of disgust.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, and I address you all that way." Professor McGonagall announced in the Gryffindor Common Room "I expect all of you to always behave that way. Follow the instructions of your professors, the Head Boy and Girl, your prefects and you will be great additions to a fine and noble House."

The Lions all cheered for that.

"A list of all the clubs and activities will be available all weekend for you to join." She went on. "Yes, you may, Wood."

The Quidditch Captain nodded, he'd been highly agitated "Thank you Professor McGonagall. Three of us are Seventh Years. This does mean we have a good chance at winning the Cup."

"What's Quidditch?" asked a small girl.

Ron gave a look, sat next to her, asked "You're Muggleborn?" When she nodded, he answered "Well, it's just about the best game ever. Come find me after your first flying lesson and I'll show you a bit."

"I can fly?" she asked, in wonder.

Hermione was deeply impressed with her redhead best friend.

"Professor, I have something to say, too." Said Harry.

She nodded "Well, it's getting a bit late, Mr. Potter. But we can spare a couple minutes."

"I want you First Years to know this is not about you." He began, causing immediate curiosity "My First Year, Professor McGonagall said while here your House is like your family. Did everyone else get the same speech?"

Students nodded, the Head of Gryffindor said "That speech, or words very similar was given to every new class going back before Nicolas Flamel. I myself have given it for over twenty years."

"Well, last year, I felt like I never left my rotten family." Harry said harshly "And, thinking back this summer, I didn't get a whole lot of kindness Second Year either. I was the evil Heir of Slytherin then, last year I was a cheater, liar, whatever. And that included here in my own dorm."

Seamus Finnegan put in "Well me Mam almost didn't send me back, cause of you."

"Not my fault she's an idiot." Harry sneered.

Seamus charged, but was stunned by McGonagall "And I think you owe Mr. Finnegan an apology, Mr. Potter."

"Why?" asked Harry insolently "She called me a liar. Don't forget the Potter Stinks badges. Finnegan had one. Can I finish?"

"Assuming it is brief. And has a definite purpose." She replied, annoyed.

Harry nodded "Ok, fine. How's this? Again, excepting the new Firsties, most of you treated me like shit in Second and Fourth Year. I don't need Quidditch to fly. So, Wood, find a new Seeker. Night all." After standing for a moment over Seamus, and spitting in the stunned boy's face, he contemptuously tossed his Quidditch badge on the floor and climbed the stairs.

A shocked and silent common room watched Harry depart. Even the unflappable McGonagall stared after him, blankly.

******* * * *Breakfast, Great Hall

Harry strolled up to the Teacher Table and said "A brief moment, Professor McGonagall?"

"You did not feel your announcement should have been more private, Potter?" she asked, coldly.

He shrugged "I didn't expect anyone to like it. Regardless. I find myself with free time. I would like to fill that time with a class. I have been revising Arithmancy. If I clear Divination I am confident I can join the NEWT class."

"Submit your work, and I will consider it." She ordered with a hint of softening.

He nodded and said "Thank you Professor."

"Spoiled brat!" Severus sneered as the student departed.

Minerva retorted "You actually have a chance at the Cup this year."

"Minerva, Severus." Dumbledore scolded "Behave."

Draco yelled over "Potter! You quit Quidditch! Scared to face me? I knew it!"

"Malfoy anytime you feel like going one on one Seeker, I'd be too glad to plow you into the Pitch." Harry had been ready for this, from the moment he'd made the decision. And on this the Gryffindors were greatly amused. After what seemed like a moment of thought added "Oh? Malfoy? Make sure to invite your Father! That way we won't have to wait to see what he says."

Draco opened his mouth…. then filled it with egg. And chewed, angrily.


	39. Chapter 39:Yule Ball

**Harry Does Different Zl**

Yule Ball

"Are you going to ask me to dance, or not?" Padma demanded of her date.

Ron, who was glaring at Hermione and Krum, answered "No!" He didn't even notice a Durmstrang boy approaching.

"My mother raised me to not be crass." Pavrati said, angrily "But, Harry, this bloody sucks."

Harry looked mad for a moment, but bit off a hostile retort. He looked at her regretfully, said "You know what? You're right. And it's all my fault. Forgive me? Dance with me? Please?"

"Hmpf! A woman of my quality deserves better!" she declared.

Harry ignored Ron's grumbling and glared at an approaching Durmstrang, who was taller and bulkier, and repeated "Please Parvti?"

"Mmm That's better." She stood and took his arm, impressed with his reaction to both his best friend and a rival. Parvati smiled at the boy and nodded toward Padma.


	40. Chapter 40:Bye Privet Dr

[a/n]Sometimes shorter is better. Yule Ball did it, I think.

 **Harry Does Different Zm**

Bye Privet Dr.

"To be driven out of our home this way!" Petunia protested "I have lived here for-"

Moody chuckled nastily "Hang around. Wait and see."

"You and your freaks! Coming here making demands!" Uncle Vernon was snarling at Harry.

A full grown wizard, no longer to be intimidated, Harry snapped "These are my friends. They're trying to save your life."

"They have no reason to harm us." Vernon cackled "Bloody be glad to give you to them myself."

Harry's short temper snapped "You know what!" then he changed his mind "Go on with that, Vernon. Stay here and enjoy yourself."

"I'll do just that." growled Vernon.

*******The Burrow, Hours later

"Moody! You made it!" a pleased Harry grabbed the old Auror by the shoulders.

He nodded "Aye, lad. They were distracted by prisoners. First _Crucios_ then _AKs_."

"You abandoned them!" yelled Harry, shaking him violently.

Moody shoved the boy away "I was outnumbered nine to one! You bet I took off! And remember you told your uncle it was a bright idea to stay there!"

"Didn't expect the idiot to listen to me!" Harry rubbed a rib "Never did before! Soddin fool!"

Remus patted Harry's arm "There is nothing you could have done. Either way Harry. You're more important than any of them. Or, us, just now. It might be a small consolation, but your cousin DID leave. He's in hiding."

"Both Vernon and -" Harry began

Remus nodded sadly.

Harry stomped out of the Burrow, furious. Sad over the waste of life, even his relatives'. Mad that he was even sad over Vernon and Petunia. Then madder that he wasn't sadder. Shouldn't it have bothered him more?


	41. Chapter 41:Fidelus Charm

[a/n] I felt Harry being sad over Dursleys dying was a likely reaction and that given the parting conversation he'd probably blame himself.

[a/n2] This is just after Harry gets cleared in the Dementor incident.

 **Harry Does Different Zn**

Fidelus Charm

"Very well." Minister Fudge declared, irritably "The majority having voted in the negative, Harry James Potter is cleared of all charges. Any other business?"

Harry raised his hand, said "Yessir, if you please."

"No! I don't please." Snapped Fudge, annoyed.

A voice from the Wizengamot said "Apologies, Minister, some of us are curious as to what Mr. Potter has to say. Provided it is not a waste of our time. Mr. Potter?"

"Thank you, Madam Bones." Somehow Harry just knew she was related to his classmate "My Godfather, Sirius Black, never had a proper trial. I would like to take advantage of this moment to demand one."

Fudge snarled "Of course he did! Why do you think he was in Azkaban?"

"Minister? I would hope you would be more than willing to look into this." Said Harry silkily "After all, this was not an alleged misdeed of YOUR administration. The prior Minister, and Director of Magical Law Enforcement [with a nod to Amelia] are responsible. I can assure you the backing of my Family and several others in this."

There was a murmuring of disapproval, and an equal whispering of curiosity. Fudge saw a new source of power.

"As the victim, I simply request proof positive that Lord Black was tried and convicted for the crime he spent almost 13 years in Azkaban." This, Harry had planned to provoke what was coming. It would drag a lot into the open.

Lucius Malfoy stood up and declared "Mr. Potter, everyone knows Black was your Parents' Secret Keeper."

"A question, if I may?" asked Harry, barely hiding a smirk. He offered a small bow to Lord Malfoy "My question exactly, sir. Thank you. Please, tell me, sir, who knows the identity of a Secret Keeper?"

Dumbledore immediately tried to involve himself "Cornelius, don't you think we should conclude?"

"Not at all, Albus." Madam Bones answered "I, for one, am fascinated by this conversation. If I may, the answer to Mr. Potter's question would be the Keeper, the Caster, and the Protectee." Anyone who knew the spell nodded.

Even Lucius "I concur with Madam Bones' definitions."

"So, in my case" Harry observed "it was my Parents. Professor Albus Dumbledore cast the spell. Who? Albus? Was the Secret Keeper?"

The Headmaster drew a deep breath considering what he could say.


	42. Chapter 42:Sirius v Hagrid

**Harry Does Different Zo**

Sirius v Hagrid

"Aw the poor lad." A huge man crunched through the remnants of a nursery and found a living, breathing toddler, quietly asleep, next to the body of his mother.

The poor boy innocently had no idea of the tragedy he'd survived. He was just sleeping happily in his cradle. He stirred a bit, opened his eyes and waved a fist to the friendly face "Hylo." He said.

"Don' worry 'Arry, Fessor Dumbledore's lookin out fer ya." Explained Hagrid as he lifted the toddler with the new "Knows jus where you'll be safe. I'll tell ya 'bout yer parents soon as yu're old enuf."

Harry tugged at the giant beard. Heck it weighed more than him. "Mama green black man." The baby cooed, essentially reporting the murder. But unaware of what he was reporting.

"Turn around! Real slow!" a stone cold voice ordered.

Hagrid obeyed "Easy, I have a baby."

"Hand him over, Hagrid." Sirius Black demanded, gesturing with his wand "Hand him over now."

The half giant closed his hands around the baby "No Sirius! Dumbledore tol' me. Righ'to 'is reltives."

"I AM his Godfather." Argued Sirius "James and Lily trusted ME with Harry."

Hagrid stubbornly declared "I'm doin wha Dumbledore tol' me."

"And what's more important?" Sirius demanded "What Harry's parents want for Harry? Or someone else's opinion?"

The half-giant got angry "You watch it Siriu Black!" he yelled, waving a fist "Dat man is Albus Dumbledore! Greatest man in'tha ole world!"

Sirius got out of his defensive crouch and relaxed "Guess you're right Hagrid. I'm sure the Headmaster knows best." The man's eyes suddenly burned with the desire to kill. He'd get that rat bastard Wormtail.

"Paa'foo!" the toddler suddenly squealed. He squirmed in the giant hands. Reached his hands and feet to his Godfather.

All the fury melted from Sirius' face. And at the same time, the young Auror's motivation changed. In a flash, one part of his mind asked " _What would Prongs want_?" Another part answered " _Protect Harry_." So parts three  & Four decided both the what and the how to.

"Gotta get goin, Sirius" said Hagrid, showing impatience.

Sirius nodded "Of course, Hagrid, of course. Here, why don't you take my flying cycle? Safest way to fly. Go on! Climb in. Wait, I'll hold Harry while you climb in." he slick-talked the half giant into going along "Let me know as soon as you're settled. Coo-coo-coo who loves ya, Harry?"

"Paa'foo!" the toddler gurgled and grabbed at Sirius' nose, also gently baby-kicking him in the chin.

The giant settled into the flying motorcycle, reached out and said "Okay Sirius, hand o'er the lil tyke."

"Sorry Hagrid." Sirius really apologized, but he stepped away. Further and further away as giant hands reached. Right until the rather overloaded vehicle fell over. He added another "Sorry" but chuckled.

The great bearded one yelped in shock "Sirius! Dumbledore ordered! Gimme 'Arry! NOW!"

"WAAHHHH! MONSTER!" Harry Potter cried. "Go Paa'foo!"

"Hagrid! Tell Dumbledore I have a higher loyalty than him." Sirius ended the discussion by disapparting.


	43. Chapter 43:Figg's Folly

[a/n] Without the spite, I find myself more in line with the Malfoy evaluation of Hagrid. Got a good heart, but not very bright. Dumbledore's man no matter what Dumbledore wants [good or bad] Probably not even mad at Tom for getting him expelled.

* * *

 **Harry Does Different Zp**

Figg's Folly

"Tha'bloody hell was that?" Dudley panted.

Harry shook him violently and yelled "It's called a Dementor! It wants your soul! And if you don't move your fat ass I'll let it have you!" As he started across Wisteria he pocketed his wand.

"Stupid boy!" a woman came up and snarled "Get that wand out!"

He complied, instinctively, then took in the newcomer "Figg?" he questioned "What do you know about this?"

"Will you keep moving!" she ordered "Get back under the wards!"

Once at the #4 property line, he dropped Dudley and asked "You're a witch?"

"Squibb." She answered "Order of the Phoenix. Job is to make sure you're safe."

Harry's initial reaction was a laugh, then it processed through his brain and his temper blew "All this time!" he yelled "All this time! You knew! What safety did I ever get here?" He punctuated his question with a stomp to his cousin's stomach.

"There are more important things than silly childishness!" she fired back "Stupid boy!"

He glared at her, stomped Dudley again, and shouted "CHILDISHNESS! I GUESS IT'S CHILDISH TO WANT A FULL STOMACH AND A BEDROOM INSTEAD OF A CUPBOARD!"

"And at every opportunity I opened my home to give you a good day!" she shouted back.

Harry snorted in disgust "Yeah. Great. Spend the day with Privet's psycho cat lady."

"Ungrateful brat!" she screeched and wildly slapped him in the face.

His wand lashed out " _Cruc-_!" he just barely choked the curse down. And, panting, "Do…you have…any idea…what I could've… was ab…out to do?" he yanked the wand away.

"Uh-uh." She whispered with a faint nod.

His left hand came around and connected with her mouth, he knew he had to have broke a knuckle, but somehow it didn't hurt "Good." He snarled "Remember it the next time you think of hitting me."

Arabella was sprawled on the street "I..i.i. .ii." she stammered up at him "I'm t-t-telling D-d-dum-ble-d-d-ddore."

Harry laughed humorlessly, grabbed Dudley's hair and yanked him up, retorted "Go right ahead."


	44. Chapter 44:The White Room

[a/n] Some reviews have asked if I planned followups or turning stories into these 1-shots. I didn't really start this with that in mind. I figure I've got about a hundred more before they dry up. But, the idea appeals. How about some audience participation? Pick one in a review and down the line I'll try to turn top vote getters into full blown stories.

 **Harry Does Different Zq**

The White Room

"Welcome, Harry." Said a lost but not forgotten voice.

Harry Potter looked around the familiar, but utterly uncolored, place "Professor Dumbledore? What is this place?"

"Well, my boy, what do you see?" asked the Headmaster Emiritus.

He looked around and replied "Platform 9¾. But, it's all white. Why? What do you see?"

"Ah!" he said with a grin "There is only one place for me. The front gates of Hogwarts."

Harry returned the smile "But, sir? What is this place? Really?"

"Well, you see the Hogwarts Express, Harry." He answered "You can get aboard. If you wish."

Scratching his head with his wand, he asked "Voldemort killed me. Didn't he?"

"Yes." Dumbledore answered, in that way of his "And. No."

That was when a rather hideous moan caught both their attention. They were drawn to a black muddy thing that looked vaguely human. Harry's whole face twisted in loathing "That's his Horcrux in me, in't it?" he said more than asked.

"Indeed." Dumbledore answered "You were hit with the Killing Curse. But, like the first time, something got in the way. In this case Tom's Horcrux. That is why, uniquely, Harry, you may proceed on the Express or go back."

The-Boy-Who-Lived asked "You mean die?"

"Harry, you have no reason to do that and everything to live for." Said Dumbledore concernedly.

He shrugged, answered "And I quote _To the well organized mind death is the next great adventure_."

"Very true, Harry." Dumbledore acknowledged "But it is one thing for a man whose lived a hundred and fifty three years. Think about that, my boy, a hundred and fifty three years. And at the time you heard that I was being threatened with death. Call it bravado. YOU are still a boy."

Harry sighed and partly agreed "In years, sure. But I've had that thing rotting my head. The Dursleys. Fight Voldemort every year of school. Albus! I FEEL OLD!"

"You must feel old to use my first name, _Mr. Potter_." There was a harshness in the tone, but an amused twinkle in his eyes. "But, and I mean this, at your age I would never have contemplated-"

Harry sighed again "Albus, why are you here?"

"Even in the afterlife, I have friends Harry." He replied. The young man's look made him sigh "I came to implore you not to take the train now. We should not see you until your beard is as long as mine."

Shaking his head, wearily, he answered "Whatever's on the other side, it's gonna be better than Earth has been for me." He leaned heavily on the old man and climbed aboard.

Albus Dumbledore now saw the Hogwarts Express and watched, sadly, as it pulled away. After it was gone, he turned his eyes to the mortal world. Not having said whatever he should have to convince Harry to go back, he would watch the outcome, knowing it would be darker than he hoped.

abcij

And it was. Neville Longbottom had just finished his speech. The Death Eaters laughed raucously, thinking him ridiculous. The Light Side took great offense at their mockery and the insults to Harry. Voldemort arrogantly put a foot on Harry's face, announced "Speeches over, we will now discuss the future!"

"Ye'll no do tha!" an outraged Hagrid bellowed. The gentle giant bashed the Dark Lord with an assault that would have done a fullback proud. His followers rushed to his aid.

An explosion of magic threw everyone away from Voldemort. He used a cutting spell that took Hagrid's arm off and bled spectacularly "No! You will bleed to death you great oaf!" he declared.

" _AVADA KEDAVRA_!" came from a fury-driven Ron.

Voldemort casually fired a summoning spell at a giant, whose body took the curse and crashed on the ruined ground. The combination of a raging half-giant and a murdered one of their own infuriated the massive warriors. They turned on the Death Eaters with clubs and swords. Blood and guts spewed everywhere. In scant minutes, the revolt was over. All that was left was a vastly thinned line of Death Eaters standing among bodies and parts.

Ginny Weasley never cared about Harry's 'breakup' with her. She KNEW once the war was over they'd be together and die surrounded by their great-great-great grandchildren. Seeing Harry's dead body sickened her, then to see the indignity of that sick bastard standing on Harry's face. She summoned all the hate for the Tom who ruined First Year and yelled " _Crucio! Crucio! Crucio! Crucio! Crucio! Crucio! Crucio! Crucio! Crucio!"_

"Mercy!" Voldemort was reduced to whimpering.

"Pathetic." Lucius Malfoy sneered. He casually pointed his wand at his master, who stopped moving the instant the green jet hit his writhing form. Lucius tossed away his wand. A raised eyebrow required Narcissa and Draco to do the same.

Spectral Albus shook his head at all the death and use of Dark curses.


	45. Chapter 45:Tonks and Lonely Harry

***Caution R-Rated***

[a/n] This could be considered a happy followup to the Grimmauld bashing trilogy.

 **Harry Does Different Zr**

Tonks and Lonely Harry

"Wotcher, Harry!" Tonks rapped on his bedroom door "Molly says lunch is in a half!"

After having told off most everyone in #12 Grimmauld, Harry felt the need for someone to talk to. He pushed away a half-written Astronomy report and said "Come on in."

"You look a little depressed." She observed.

"Thank you Miss Obvious." He muttered "Sorry, I found out basically everyone I know was conspiring against me. All my friends. Greasy is no surprise, of course."

Tonks grinned at that, retorted "I have no idea who you mean."

"So? What was it again? A metamig?" asked Harry.

She rolled her eyes "Nooooo… A Met-a-morph-a-mag-us."

"Anything? Anyone?" he pressed.

Feeling permissive, she shrugged "Yeah, pretty much. Don't do full animals and feathers are kinda hard."

"Wasn't thinking that way!" he blushed

Shaking her head, she laughed "Oh no buster! You started this! I've been in lil ole Hoggies ever since you got there. Protective detail for high ranking Ministry child. Blending in, my specialty. Go on kiddo! I know them all! Do your worst!"

"Really? Who are you…err…in school?" he wanted to know, curiosity topping embarrassment.

She refused "Nope. Classified. Won't even tell who I'm protecting. Let's go Potter. Lay it on me."

"Welllllllll." He scratched his chin "Just as a test…Millicent Bulstrode…."

Giggling, Tonks quipped "Chasing chubbies? But, okayyyyy you asked for it!" 'Millicent' smiled at him, greedily, winked, and asked "Harrrry luuuuuvvvv! Let's snog? Pleeeeeeeeez!"

"Neeeeeyyyyhhhahhhhh!" Harry jumped behind his desk "Bloody scary!"

To which she laughed out loud "Ever peak on me?" 'Angelina Johnson' wanted to know. His blush answered that question. "Orrrrr….maybe….someone CLOSER?" 'Ginny Weasley' suggested.

"Can we …aaahhh… mix it up?" asked Harry. He was getting excited.

Tonks laughed at that "Go for it."

"Ok…right." Harry considered this mind-blowing moment "K-keep Ginny's face, freckles…But ahhh…Katie Bell's color. Susan Bones'…err…"

"Titties? Garbonzos? Knockers?" Tonks cut in with a smirk. Her chest inflated noticeably. She put a locking charm on the door.

He just nodded dumbly "Luna Lovegood's hair color and uhm…butt. Cho Chang's legs. Nope, Hermione's. *ulp* Bloody Hell!" And, as this teenage fantasy completed, Harry couldn't help himself. He walked over to this girl he'd created, clenched his fists on her jeans and kissed her. Gently, and hesitantly, at first…then pulled Tonks tightly against his body and forced his tongue into her mouth.

"Cho's hand working your cock, maybe?" Tonks panted as she worked on his pants "Or…maybe… lips?"

Harry gasps in surprise. He was busy exposing Susan's breasts, working them free, tweaking and kissing them. He started to reply, then felt a burning between his legs. He gasped and came in a mad rush "AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Have fun, Harry?" a fully Tonks girl asked. She winked at the young wizard and left.

abcij

Checking on him some hours later, Mrs. Weasley smiled "He looks so happy and peaceful. Must talk to Albus about this. Boy needs more."


	46. Chapter 46:Last Day at 4

[a/n] Another moment with Don't-call-me-Nymphadora. Everyone enjoyed her naughty side? And the Dursleys see the worst of magic.

 **Harry Does Different Zs**

Last Day at #4

"I am not upsetting our nice normal life for you bunch of freaks!" Vernon Dursley pounded his fist on the base of his railing. Then complained he'd hurt his hand.

Of all the freaks invading Privet Dr. the one most interesting to Dudley was Nymphadora Tonks "Harry!" she complained "Can you get this bloody Muggle to stop following me around?"

"Give him a pigtail, Nymphie!" suggested Harry with a smirk "Or change into Mad-Eye. And, Vernon, you need to seriously get out of here."

Uncle Vernon thundered over and swung on Harry. Who dis/re-apparated in the same spot in an eyeblink. The effect being a clean miss and Uncle Vernon twirling around, out of control, landing in a heap on the floor. "Dad! Vernon!" Petunia and Dudley squealed.

"Oh I didn't do shite to him." Harry sneered "And if you think that hurts, wait'll Voldie and friends get here."

Tonks laughed and suggested "Why don't you, Harry? No one's watching the Trace these days."

"Unforgivables?" asked Harry, darkly.

She walked out of the living room saying "I don't see nutin."

"You leave us alone!" Petunia demanded.

Harry smiled, it wasn't pleasant, "Thanks for volunteering, Auntie." He lazily pointed his wand at her and cast " _Imperio_! Turn left! Turn right! About face! Run!"

"Oh! Umpf! YAAA!" Aunt Petunia failed to even momentarily resist the spell. She grunted as she was twisted like a puppet on strings. And, at her nephew's last order, she ran uncaring of the direction, right into a glancing blow of the fireplace and stumbled into the end-table. She crashed onto the loveseat and rolled off.

Harry grinned down at his suffering aunt, turned to the Dursley men "You'll appreciate this, Vernon." He said "Remember breaking my arm? I think I was four. Imagine that pain ALL over your body! _Crucio_!"

Vernon saw a green light from his nephew's wand, then all he saw was green. And all he felt was pain, Pain, Pain! PAIN! It lasted all of two seconds.

"Mind control, Torture. See what I'm capable of Dudley?" asked Harry with a sinister tone "What do you suppose is the worst of all?"

Dudley scrambled back into the corner farthest from his cousin and crawled into it "N-n-n-no pl-pl-please Harry." He stammered.

"I could kill with a word. Let me demonstrate." Said Harry, as he advanced on his cowering cousin "Just the thing. _Engorgio! Engorgio! Engorgio! Engorgio! Engorgio_!"

Dudley screamed at the sight of a bedbug grown to his size. It was truly frightening.

"The Killing Curse, Dudders." Announced a contemptuous Harry " _Avada Kedavra_!"

Dudley gulped as the spell struck the nightmarish creature instead of him. It stopped moving and he kicked it away.

"Harry!" exclaimed Hermione "Did we actually hear the Killing Curse?"

Grinning at his best friends, he answered "Remember Junior's lesson on the Unforgivables? I just gave it to this waste of flesh."

Even Dudley, who was completely uninjured, couldn't move. Might have to do with the insect mandibles pinching his belly. Petunia was holding her knee and shoulder simultaneously and crying. Vernon grunted, cursed and moaned, refusing to cry.

"Nice, mate." Ron complimented. But Hermione just frowned.

Tonks came back in, cheerily asked "School done? So, Professor Potter, think they'll respect their hosts?"

"At least they'll behave themselves now." Harry glared at his relatives.

Abcij

Some weeks later the Trio were idly listening to the Wizard Wireless and a blatantly for Harry message came through " A message for Bambi. Hey Bambi!" said the announcer "You know those kids you asked us to mind? Really well behaved!"


	47. Chapter 47:Lone Search

[a/n] Last time I didn't so much figure the Trace was offline, more likely no one was watching it because of the chaos. Basically Mafalda stopped showing up for work.

 **Harry Does Different Zu**

Lone Search

"What do you mean? You don't KNOW what's next?" shouted Ron. He was glaring at Harry.

Harry poked him in the chest and countered "No Snivilus murdered Dumbledore before he -had a chance-"

"And this sodding tent!" Ron yelled.

Harry roared "WELL SORRY IT DOESNT MEET YOUR STANDARDS! I KNOW YOU'RE MR LUXURY!"

"I'm done!" the redhead pushed past his friend. He looked at Hermione and demanded "You coming?"

The witch looked between them, in shock "Stop it! Both of you!" she shouted "Harry, the Horcrux is affecting him!"

"Taking his side?" Harry snarled. He grabbed her by the arm and threw her into Ron "Well! Get out! The both of you!"

Hermione stumbled against Ron, looking horrified "You need us." She said, holding back both anger and tears.

"Need you?" he sneered "Mister Broken Wand there was no help against the Basilisk. AND YOU! Couldn't even take a troll!"

She bristled and fumed "Ron has an excuse. I think we all need some time away." She turned Ron and walked out of the tent, intending to take a walk. But, Ron disapparated, and given their linkage, Hermione went too.

"Bloody great." Harry growled "I'd better get outta here. FAST!"


	48. Chapter 48:Potter Stinks 2

[a/n] Same topic. Different take.

 **Harry Does Different Zv**

Potter Stinks 2

Weeks of the abuse and loneliness had put Harry in an almost permanent foul mood. Just now he had one half of a friend in Hermione. She was trying, rather valiantly, to walk the fine neutral line between her best friends. The Great Hall was quite crowded already with three schools taking meals, and Harry running late from Charms. There was, however, a fairly large empty spot at the Gryffindor table. To get there Harry had to pass numerous students with the SUPPORT CEDRIC / POTTER STINKS badges.

"Fun day, Potter?" Seamus Finnegan sneered as Harry walked by. He flashed his badge to his fellow Gryffindor and slapped his new buddy, Ron, on the shoulder. Ron giggled at the remark. Hermione, across the table, frowned.

Harry just hit his snapping point. He grabbed the badge and literally ripped it off the Irish boy. Those nearby could all hear fabric rip. "Take this badge and stick it up your ass, Finnegan!" Harry yelled loud enough for much of the Hall to hear.

"You don't have the guts, Potter." Was Seamus' response as he started to stand.

Harry shoved Seamus' face into his dinner [lasagna by the way] yanked on his classmate's pants and jammed the badge in. Seamus screamed in pain when the badge's pin penetrated the tender skin.

"Harry Potter!" Professor McGonagall yelled as she rapidly approached from the Head Table "How DARE you commit such an outrage?"

Anger fueled his response "Long overdue in my opinion. Especially since none of you have done anything about it!"

"That has been discussed, Mr. Potter." She replied, shortly "And the simple fact is students have a right to free speech."

Harry grunted in disgust "Well, fine, if I can't get - if you won't stop the bullying, I'll do it my way."

"Unacceptable, Mr. Potter." The Gryffindor Head declared "That will be 50 points and a week's detention."

To which Harry shrugged "Yeah, about that, I'm busy preparing for a tournament I never signed up for."

"Harry!" Hermione gasped "You can't defy-"

McGonagall shook her head "Consider yourself fortunate I cannot write home concerning your behavior."

"If you mean the Dursleys, they couldn't care less." He retorted, then added darkly "And I don't much consider myself fortunate my parents are dead. Why is it I only hear about them when I've 'disappointed' someone?"

She was, for a moment, struck speechless then she changed gears "Rules, Mr. Potter, are here for ALL students. And their safety."

A bunch of responses flashed through Harry mind, but he was totally fed up "Free speech, huh? Well, McGonagall, take a badge and stick it up your ass."

Seamus chose that moment to try to curse Harry. It did not work out to his benefit as Harry snatched his wand and snapped it. He then swung a punch at Harry, which, one, made him look foolish when Harry moved and fell, two, left him defenseless when Harry kicked him in the ribs.

"What did you say to me, Mr. Potter?" she demanded.

Harry glanced at his roommate who was still trying to suck in air, then yanked the badge from Seamus' rear shrugged, contemptuously tossed it at her, and repeated "Take a badge and stick it up your ass. Are you deaf too?"

Abcij

"NOW we can discuss the assaults situation." Dumbledore announced at the staff meeting several days later "Poppy, if you please."

The school Mediwitch was very serious "The Hospital Wing is overfilled and has been for most of the last week. The support from St. Mungo's has been great, but we are all overworked. And I really don't know about the Skele-Grow Potions. Luckily, it stores well and I'd accumulated a five year supply. This situation cannot continue."

"I have repeatedly stated my solution." Snape drawled out "Expel the brat."

The Headmaster frowned and scolded "Severus, that is no way to speak of any student."

"Albus, I support my Lions to the hilt, when they are right." McGonagall inserted herself "But, Harry Potter has been outright rebellious this entire year. Even on the circumstantial evidence there is sufficient proof. I must agree with Severus, in this particular case."

It was Pomfrey's turn, Harry had an advocate "That rubbish about free speech is an excuse to not deal with bullying. Supporting Mr. Diggory is fine and well, which is no different than if a Durmstrang boy wanted to wear a Support Krum token. I would bet this ends tomorrow if you took away all badges. That said, the only testimony I would offer is that the two most seriously injured students, Miss Parkinson and Mr. Macmillan, were both brought in by Mr. Potter himself."

"A ploy to hide his guilt." Snape argued.

Pomfrey countered "A remarkably Slytherin trait, would you not agree, Severus?"

"And what are their conditions?" asked Dumbledore.

The Mediwitch answered "Miss Parkinson's spine was vanished, as was Mr. Macmillan's right lung. Both will take at least another two weeks to regrow. It is a remarkable bit of magic that I cannot help but admire."

"And who would we know has experience with that particular spell?" Snape pointed out. "Two years ago. Quidditch. Lockhart. Do I need to draw you a map?"

Dumbledore shook his head "Still NOT proof, Severus. And Harry only seen to be present at the first assault we all saw out of forty-four."

"So far!" McGonagall interrupted, forcibly.

He nodded "Yes, Minerva. And, frankly, I am inclined to confiscate all badges at this point."

"Just what the brat needs." Snape sneered "More self-aggrandizement and pandering. If Potter shows his face near my dungeons, I will do what is necessary. And my prefects have been likewise instructed." He got up and swept out of the office.

Dumbledore concluded the meeting with "Continue patrolling as you have been. And lockdowns and 7PM curfew will continue indefinitely."

"For the record, Headmaster, exactly why will you not consider expulsion?" asked McGonagall, coldly.

Dumbledore took his glasses off and pinched his nose and returned the tone "For the record, _Deputy_ , the Goblet is a magically binding object. Were we to expel Harry, all of us would lose our magic. Off the record, all of you, not to endorse Harry's actions but he was right. We should have confiscated the first one we saw. I will take one hundred points for every badge I see even at breakfast tomorrow. And those deductions WILL carry over to the next term."

"The students have already turned in." Sprout objected. The Head of Hufflepuff felt she was defending the champion from her House.

The Headmaster shrugged off her protest "I, personally, will scan every student as they enter the Great Hall tomorrow. Are the any questions, Pomona? Is there any other business? No? Dismissed."

"That I can see Mr. Potter's point of view does not excuse his disrespect, especially publicly." McGonagall said when the pair were alone "And that does not begin to cover assaults."

He sighed "I expect things will improve shortly."


	49. Chapter 49:Looney

**Harry Does Different Zw**

Looney

Ginny Weasley was quite pleased with herself. She had managed to not run out of the room every time Harry Potter even breathed her way. Well, that was an exaggeration. She had whole conversations without, well almost, burning the freckles from her face. "Come on! Move it you lot!" she snarled at her brothers, and Harry too, incidentally "Every bloody year the same thing."

"Yes Mum." Said Fred.

As did George "Yes Mum."

"Boys!" she glared at Harry.

He shrugged, getting into the spirit "Plenty of time. Only 10:58!"

"I wouldn't press my luck, Harry. She gets more and more like her mother all the time." Mr. Weasley offered, patting him on the shoulder.

Harry pulled himself onto the train and grinned at both "Best not be late Miss Weasley." he quipped and pulled her aboard.

Ginny's hand tingled after his touch. She stood there, heart pounding and face flushing.

abcij

Harry paused in the door of a carriage and asked "Would you mind if we joined you?"

"Oh, it's just Looney Lovegood." said Ginny, who walked in at sat down across from the lone occupant.

Ron and Hermione were all set to follow, but were blocked by an arm "Please excuse my rude friend." said Harry, openly glaring at Ginny.

"Oh, that is quite alright." a blonde girl with starry eye lowered an obviously outside newspaper and gave a smile "Please come in. It might almost be like having friends."

Still glaring at Ginny, he sat next to the girl and offered a hand "I hope we can be friends. I'm Harry Potter."

"Of course you are." she replied, reciprocating the handshake and looking at him with owlish eyes "I do know The-Boy-Who-Lived. But it will be nice to know Harry Potter. I am Luna Lovegood."

He felt uncomfortable under the scrutiny, so he introduced "My friends, Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley. And I guess you know Ginny." His tone was decidedly sour for the last sentence.

"Indeed, I live in Ottery St. Catchpole as well. I can see the Burrow from the Rookery." said Luna "I have known Ginevra and Ronald all our lives."

Harry assumed she was referring to her home. "Maybe we'll get to see you for the hols." he offered, politely, then added "I imagine _Ginevra_ is able to get your name right."

Ginny's jaw hit her chest.


	50. Chapter 50:Rogue Bludger

[a/n] Inspired by a Roadrunner/Coyote cartoon.

 **Harry Does Different Zx**

Rogue Bludger

Gryffindor was ahead of Slytherin, not insurmountable by any means, but well into the game both Seekers were anxious to hunt out the Snitch.

"A bit much for you, Potter?" yelled Draco.

Harry sneered back "Been on the team longer than you, Malfoy!" Then a sixth sense warned him and he abruptly ducked. A wildly careening Bludger missed Harry by mere inches. It plowed on forcing Draco to duck as well. It made a sharp turn in pursuit of Harry, who spun and fled at reckless speed; even if he was only keeping pace. Not for anything could he outdistance it.

"A Wronski should do it." Harry glanced back for a split second and dove straight at the ground. He twisted violently as he could, flipped and as the barest tip of tallest blade of grass touched his robes, he shot straight up. The Bludger plowed into the pitch - and kept going.

Ten seconds and a hundred feet closer to the Gryffindor goal, an explosion announced the eruption of the Bludger from underground. It paused about fifty feet up, then shot after Harry again. And the chase was on again. Spectators began paying more attention to just Harry rather than the game. Slytherin players, as he passed them, stopped in shock and started laughing. This was the cause of a sudden eighty point jump in the Gryffindor score.

"Snape!" Harry hissed gleefully. He yank up on his broomstick, shot up twenty feet and screeched to a halt. The Bludger raced by. Harry stuck his fingers in his mouth and whistled raucously. Waited a moment then yelled "HEY STPUID! THIS WAY!"

The Bludger popped, grinded, even looked angry. It made a hole in the air pursuing Harry.

Harry did a hard spin around the Ravenclaw stands. Then bolted toward the Slytherins, stopping instantly next to the sitting Potions Master.

"What are you doing Potter?" Severus growled.

Harry, rather unknowingly, gave a mischievous grin matching his father's "Wait for it!"

In came the rogue Bludger… Harry dropped ten feet… The Bludger crashed into the stands, splintering the railing and knocking Snape over, wounding him….. Wood rained down on Harry… Then the Snitch with Draco in hot pursuit…. Harry whipped off his glove and threw it high… The Snitch flew in and the glove fell into his hand….. In came Draco… More wood rained down on Harry….. He floated up in time to see a furious Professor Snape violently throw a barely conscious Malfoy off him. Draco whined pitifully.

"Thanks guys." He quipped as he held the Snitch pinched between thumb and forefinger.

Announcer Jodan gleefully bellowed "Harry Potter has caught the Snitch and receives 150 points. Gryffindor wins!"

The Bludger appeared again. This time really close to Harry, and red with anger. To everyone's astonishment it abruptly exploded into a billion tiny pieces. Hermione put away her wand and ran across the pitch to throw herself into her friend's arms.

Abcij

At Grimmauld Place, some three years later, Sirius Black was desperately struggling for air, holding his ribs, and wiping tears from his eyes. "TOO….FUN…NY!" he gasped.

"Sirius." Mrs. Weasley scolded "You shouldn't laugh about that. Severus and young Draco were both hurt quite …s… well. OH! You know!"

Ron, Ginny, the twins, Harry, all giggled "Mom told a serious Sirius joke!"

"You are just lucky Professor Snape did not take points, Harry." Mrs. Weasley changed subjects.

The teens grinned at each other, but Harry sighed "He took a hundred. Something about assault."

"WHAT!" outraged Sirius yelled.

Harry flicked an eyebrow at his friends and Ron said "McGonagall cancelled them."

"And awarded."

"Our Hero!"

"Fifty!"

It was too much. Sirius turned into Padfoot who howled out loud, started slapping his tail on the floor. HOWLED again and again and again. He changed back and commented "A Marauder moment, my dear Godson."

"That is a very."

"Forgive the pun."

"Sirius subject."

"With us."

"Sirius went to school with them." Harry spoke rapidly, cutting off his Godfather.

Fred and George both blinked. They were so focused on Harry they missed Sirius' expression. And it was a measure of their concern that instead of twinspeak, they asked in stereo "You know them, then?"

"Uhh… yeah…" improvised Harry "Fact is….well…..I'm a …..well they…..approached me. But swore me to secrecy. I need to ask permission. But….ahh….I could give you a…. uhmmm clue to ….ahhhmmmm…. think about. Fair?"

They nodded, jaws hanging rather comically.

"Now what would be enough to drive you nuts?" He offered, out loud, "I know…. For a fact… that at least two of you have met all four Marauders."

You could see the wheels whirring "Two of who?" they wanted to know.

"I've said enough. Boys." Answered Harry with the right air of condescension.

Mrs. Weasley clapped suddenly, declaring "Spit-spot! Bedtime!"

"Harry, can I talk to you for a few minutes?" Asked Sirius "And don't worry, Molly, I'll make sure he gets his beauty rest."

Fred giggled and muttered "Needs lots of that!"

"Comments like that might find you not part of the secret." Threatened Harry.

Fred slunk his head, wiped a fake tear from his cheek and walked out.

After all the Weasleys were gone, amusement glittering in his eyes, asked "How long will it take for you to contact these Marauders?" To which, Harry just shrugged. The pair shared a small laugh.


	51. Chapter 51:The One You Love

**Harry Does Different Zy**

The One You Love

Weasleys were with their significant others. Harry and Hermione were consoling each other. He slid around into the seat she was sitting on and took her hand in her lap. She had chosen that side of the table so as not to look at Ron and Lavender snogging away. When Ginny and Dean walked in, looking all dopey eyed at each other, they sat on the same side. Harry had seen quite enough of Dean Thomas' uvula thank you very much.

"I guess it hurts you, seeing Ginny with Dean." Said Hermione "As much as it hurts me, Ron with Lavender." She sniffed and tightened her grip on his hand.

He downed a large gulp of butterbeer and confided "Probably 'Mione. And it really sucks, I can't even hate Dean. He's not Voldemort."

"No." she laughed sourly "And neither is Lavender. At least..that we know of."

Harry's laugh echoed hers. And they sat there in silent, mutual misery for a while. Looking around, he made a momentous decision "Do you trust me, 'Mione?"

"You know I do, Harry." She answered "Why?"

He pointed at another table and asked "What do you think my chances are of getting McClaggen to trade seats? He's a decent looking bloke. Not a redhead, I admit."

"True." she sighed with a forlorn glance over her shoulder and nodded "So be it."

Harry issued a Quidditch whistle and called "Yo! McClaggen! First date?" And, after the other boy who spoke to his date briefly, nodded he followed up with "Wanna swap?"

"Luck Potter!" he sneeringly high-fived Harry.

Harry caught his hand harshly and remarked "I'd give you the big brother speech, but she's scarier than me. DON'T mess with her."

"You were NOT on a date with Granger." Said the occupant of the now half-occupied booth.

Harry shrugged "He's slightly clueless and wouldn't know that."

"But not a bad guy. Okay. I'll buy that." She acknowledged "But, tell me, did I trade up? Or down?"

To which, Harry answered by slipping into the vacated seat "I have it on the best of authority that I am quite the catch." He answered cockily.

"All kidding aside, Harry, I owe you an apology for Fourth Year." The girl admitted "I did support Cedric in the Tournement and I don't apologize for that. He was in my House, after all. But I swear I did NOT know about the …other… message those badges said. As soon as I found out, I incendiod the robes it was perma-stuck to."

"Burned clothes. Sorry I missed it." Harry commented, flirtatiously adding an eyebrow waggle. Then his face darkened "I was a Fourth Year going up against Seveths. And, for a while, no friends. None! Still not a bloody Seventh!"

The girl yanked at her red hair, nervously, under the verbal assault "I am sorry. Really." She muttered.

"I know, Susan." He said softly, then added rather mysteriously "Same source that told me I was quite the catch."

He knew she'd cried over his almost asking her to the Yule Ball. She looked deeply ashamed, and a little angry "Why did you not say anything?"

"I thought you deserved it." He admitted, bluntly "At the time."

She asked "And now? Why me? Why now?"

"There is a Muggle song. My Aunt played it over and over again. If she wasn't playing it, she was singing it. At least her two favorite lines." Harry explained, at length, then to her raised eyebrow, answered "They go ' _If you can't love the one you want, love the one you're with._ ' Get it?"

Susan Bones thought for a time. In fact, chewed on her hair in a way she hadn't since she was six. "I think I do." She nodded "Every girl in Hogwarts knows who Cormac is a substitute for. You, Mr. Potter, are a mystery. But, I appreciate your honesty."

"It doesn't bother you?" he asked with concern.

"Yes." She nodded "And no. But, a goblin saying comes to mind ' _Opportunity plus instinct equals profit'_ In this case. My instinct tells me to take this opportunity and see if I can profit from it." She stretched her hand partly across the table and ran her forefinger over his hand.

To which Harry smiled and caught her hand. "I'm glad you think that much of me. And, I promise, if we do get involved …well… my want …she won't be all that important."

"Fair enough." Susan said with a pleased grin. She looked at their linked hands and rubbed her thumb in his palm.

Harry ordered a second round of butterbeers. He looked at her oddly when she ordered an additional single butterbeer. But he really enjoyed sharing. It was just the right level of intimate. They got up to leave. Harry paused to check on Hermione, found them enjoying themselves well enough. She declined accompanying them. He settled the bill. While waiting to pay Ginny and Dean interrupted their conversation to wave. Her look was slightly troubled. Harry looked back with about the same expression.

"That's Dean and your friend, Ron's, sister -has to be." Said Susan. "Haven't met her."

Harry nodded curtly and replied "Yes. Ginny. They've been dating for a couple months."

"Ah." Was her monosyllabic reply. But she now had a VERY good idea who her competition was. Auntie taught her how to find things out with circumspection [which was definitely indicated] For now, she took Harry's arm and laid it around her waist. Crossed his arm with hers, on his waist. They walked out the door, smiling at each other.


	52. Chapter 52:Eat Slugs

**[a/n]** Now Bugs gets into the act.

 **Harry Does Different Zz**

Eat Slugs

"How dare you talk to me? Filthy little Mudblood?" Draco Malfoy sneered.

Hermione looked shocked. Offended. Worse, hurt.

"You'll pay for that, Malfoy!" yelled Ron. The redhead whipped out his wand and yelled "Eat Slugs!"

The Slytherins laughed as a flash engulfed the Gryffindor "Was that even a spell?"

Harry yelled something. A green flash flew from Harry's wand and splashed on Draco's chest. Everyone gasped. The Slytherins all ran in terror. Draco stood there, in shock.

"Potter! Come with me. At Once!" Professor Snape snarled "Any attempt to go for a wand will result in summary punishment. Granger, Weasley, did I include you? I might suggest you pack your classmate's belongings, as he will likely be departing these hallowed halls."

A shocked Ron paused, gaped at Hermione. It was enough to lose them in the corridors.

"Expulsion is the ONLY option Headmaster." Snape was demanding.

Nor, in this case, was Professor McGonagall on his side "I must agree this time, Headmaster. With the extremity of this situation, why aren't you bringing in Aurors?"

"Severus, be reasonable." Said Dumbledore. "And Minerva, honestly, I thought you would support Harry.

The boy tried put in "Excuse m—"

"Shut up, Potter." Snape ordered harshly.

Harry tried several more times to interrupt, but was cut off each time by the professors.

"You may go to dinner, Harry" said Dumbledore "I will require your wand for the time being."

Harry complied, walked out the door, hiding a smirk. Though he did feel somehow naked without his wand. Walking to the Great Hall, many students bolted out of his way. Ones senior to him. They were scared. No, they were terrified. He didn't quite know what he'd done beyond throwing a bogus spell at his nemesis.

"Harry! What happened?" Hermione grabbed him and pulled him aside.

Ron, for once, wasn't hungry, having spit out 352 slugs over the last 2 hours.

"Dunno 'Mione." He replied with a negligent shrug "Tossed a phony spell at Malfoy. Now everyone looks at me like I committed a crime. Even took my wand."

Ron gaped at his friend "What could you have done?"

"Let's just ride this out for laughs." Harry grinned.

Hermione looked concerned. Ron was pleased to be in on a prank.

At about the same time, Draco Malfoy came swooning in with Pansy Parkinson fawning over him. "Even better than Potter, now." He crowed "Took a killing curse and I don't have that ugly scar, either."

"Killing Curse?" the trio questioned each other "Was there such a thing?"

The boys badly imitated their friend "Goto the library!"

"No, Potter, you're not getting your way this time." Snape was right behind his Snakes "I will see you dealt with properly. Aurors do your duty."

Harry fled the pair. Ran the length of the Great Hall and back again. Finding the whole situation amusing. Students ducked under tables, laid on benches. Started screaming in panic. It ended with an " _Inarcerous_!"

But that was enough time for the higher ups to arrive "Gryffindor will show dignity and decorum!" Professor McGonagall yelled.

"Severus, it was not really necessary to call Aurors. After all, no one is dead." Dumbledore came in.

Draco was delighted with his new status in Slytherin. They'd all seen him unaffected by a dark curse. He could practically crown himself as lead Slytherin. Not even a Seventh Year could stand against that.

"When did this school become a circus?" Amelia Bones entered on the warpath "And surely two fully trained Aurors can handle a boy. Well? Explain? Just plain sloppy."

Susan Bones stood up and waved "Hi Auntie!"

"Sue." She spared her niece a dry, professional greeting, which meant _Talk to me later I'm working_.

Dumbledore greeted her calmly "Welcome Amelia. Not every day we are honored by the head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement."

"Quite enough Albus!" she snapped "And why can I not get information direct form you? Honestly? Attempted murder! What are you doing in this school?"

Susan scoffed at that "Anyone with half a brain knows Harry couldn't commit murder."

"What about First Year?" asked Ernie MacMillan "Quirrell?"

Amelia approached the bound boy "Harry Potter, by authority of the Ministry of Magic, you are under arrest. The charge, use of the Killing Curse against a human."

"You're kidding right?" he asked.

She toyed with her monocle, a spell brought him to his feet and she demanded "Do I look, Mr. Potter, like a woman who has time for kidding? Now, do you understand what I have said?"

"You're accusing me? Of using a killing curse?" Harry was incredulous "ME? Oh, by the way, on who?"

Snape offered "Draco Malfoy. You insufferable brat."

"He's right over there." Harry could only use his chin to point in the general direction. "Looks ok to me. If I used a Killing Curse how come he's still standing? Explain that you insufferable greaseball."

Draco strutting around with a whole group of courtiers declared himself The-Boy-Who-Beat-The-Boy-Who-Lived.

"Someone will explain." Madam Bones demanded.

Harry asked "Can i? And without all the ropes, please?"

"Why don't you tell me your side, Mr. Potter?" said Madam Bones. It wasn't really a request. "Then we'll see about the ropes."

Harry just accepted, "guess the joke's on me. Ok. I got the idea from a Bugs Bunny cartoon. Bugs Bunny? No? Sheezh! Muggleborns help! Great episode, Bugs is on vacation. Stops at an inn run by a vampire. He's totally clueless. The vampire, of course, wants his blood. He leads Bugs to a room to stay the night. He keeps saying _Hocus Pocus_ to turn into a person. Bugs hums a tune adding _Abra Cadabra_ to every line. Funniest thing I ever heard. The vampire keeps falling when Bugs sings because he changes back. Wonder what would've happened if I said _Hocus Cadabra_ or _Abra Capocus_." He laughed wildly.

"Harry, it is entirely inappropriate to insult a professor. You will apol-" Dumbledore was in lecture mode.

Harry cut him off, shouts echoing through the whole hall "NO! FUCK HIM! AND FUCK YOU TOO!"

"Albus, we will worry about your pet Death Eater's petty ego later." Bones sneered. She loathed the man "For right now, let us deal with this issue. And I promise a MOST RIGOROUS investigation. And he had best hope I do not find any evidence of a false reporting."

Hermione raised her hand for attention and begged "Please, miss, I think I can explain better than Harry. There is, in the muggle world, a child's character named Bugs Bunny. He walks and talks and gets into various adventures, usually with assorted bullies who pick on him, until he gets angry enough to fight back. Sort of like Harry. The words Harry used when he pointed his wand at Malfoy were _Abra Cadabra."_

Everyone who knew the curse flinched. Muggleborns, on hearing both Harry and Hermione talk, had mostly thoughtful expressions.

"Honestly! People!" Hermione exclaimed, exasperated, she held up both her hands "Look no wand. The words of the Killing Curse are _Avada Kedavra_. Harry SAID _Abra Cadabra._ I guess they're connected somehow, because they are so similar in sound."

Slowly, pockets of amusement began to form. Smiles became giggles that melded into full-blown laughter across the Hall. Bones considered while the Hall was thundering with laughter. A prank. A harmless one, compounded by a cultural misunderstanding "Case dismissed, I think." And she banished the ropes around Harry's body "This, admittedly, leaves me nothing to really hang on your Death Eater. Headmaster, with your permission, and Professor Sprout of course, join my niece for a while. Be careful in the future, Harry Potter, you are on my radar now."

"shit" Harry muttered, faintly.

She subtly winked as she turned toward the Hufflepuff table.

"Budge over Granger." Fred ordered.

George came in from the other side, just bumped Ron out of the way, threw an arm around Harry and asked, pointedly "Muscling in on our territory, Potter?"

"Nothing wrong with a bit of fun." Harry retorted, giddily "Especially involving Malfoy. And, sorry, I just got the evil eye from the Head of Law Enforcement. You two don't rate up."

The twins looked at each other. Jaws dropped. Grinned at each other, then at Harry. "So you decide to fake curse Draco? And manage to drag in the Headmaster? And pull one over on Madam Bones, no less?" they summed up.

"Pretty much." Replied Harry with a broad grin "And you forgot about really embarrassing Draco. Though, I must admit, I can't take all the credit. I had help. Thank you Warner Bros."

The blonde Slytherin looked disconsolate as most of his House abandoned their former hero.

Fred nodded while George stroked a beard that was not there and sagely commented "True. The victim makes the best prankster."

"You are so lucky, Harry." Hermione scolded.

Professor McGonagall came up at that moment, harsh and stern, said "Quite, Miss Granger. Mr. Potter, I expect you in my office in one quarter of an hour."

"Yes Ma'am." Muttered Harry.


	53. Chapter 53:Last DA

**Harry Does Different Zz**

Last DA

While Harry wanted to ask out Cho Chang, he had been catching bits and pieces of Susan Bones and Hannah Abbott talking. He'd heard enough to make a connection he just never did. SUSAN Bones was related to the AMELIA Bones at his underage magic trial. An idea had been brewing around in his head. And as he helped her with a Patronus Charm it suddenly crystalized. With a small regret, he glanced at the Chinese girl. "Good job, Sue. Keep at it." He complimented the stream of silvery light "You're as good as I was at this point. Listen, if I wrap up a bit early, can you spare a few minutes?"

"Why sure Harry." The redhead said, delighted.

Hannah smirked at her best friend as the dark-haired wizard walked away "Teacher's pet!" she teased.

"Silencio!" Susan abruptly fired. The spell basically glued her friend's lips together.

Harry turned at the disturbance and grinned "Ah. Miss Bones poses us an interesting question for after Christmas. Hannah has been silenced. If she was in a fight, what should she do? Think about it."

"Ewwwww… Harry." Fred complained.

George added "Giving us"

"Homework!"

To which, Harry quipped "Five points, each Weasley."

"Hey!" snapped Ginny and Ron. The room chuckled.

Harry went to the front yelling "I am proud of all of you! We're all doing AMAZING! Give yourselves a hand! Now, everyone have a great Christmas. Don't forget the homework."

Cho Chang was trying desperately not to look eager. She had, naturally, noticed Harry watching her. Had seen his smiles. Had NOT seen the recent slight frown. And was DEEPLY disappointed [later she would be angry] when he did NOT approach her. But went up to that over-boobed Hufflepuff. She walked out in a tiff. Wait'll she tells Marietta about this!

"Sue. Thanks." Said Harry as he walked up. "Alright there, Hannah? Heehee!"

Hannah gave him a rude gesture.

"Sorry about that." Susan only half apologized "So what's up?"

He shrugged "Nothing too important, really. I realized something that should have been obvious."

"Well, you're a boy." She quipped "I take it this epiphany somehow involves me?"

Cho watched them talking together, and standing way too close for her liking. And she realized Harry wasn't even interested in looking at her. She stomped her foot and stormed out.

He gave her a bit of a look, but revealed his discovery "You are related to Amelia Bones. Director of the DLME."

"Well that's no great secret. My Auntie." Said Susan, lightly mocking him "What was your first clue?"

This time, Harry snarled a bit, then just nodded "Yeah, we met briefly when I got tried for underage magic."

"You know, she told me about that. Stupid waste of everyone's time. A case like that just doesn't go to court." she explained "It'd be like the Queen dealing with a parking ticket. And expelling you would've been overkill."

"Thanks." He said with a nod "Anyway, do you happen to know how Amelia took Lucius Malfoy bribing his way out of jail?"

Susan giggled "Oh Merlin! Harry. She was pissed. Sent Fudge a Howler."

"Real good. Hoped that's what you'd say." He felt giddy as his idea just hit paydirt "DOBBY!"

*pop* "What can Dobby do for Great Harry Potter, sir?" the elf flopped his ears on the floor.

Harry rolled his eyes "Stop that, Dobby, please. I'm not Lucius! Susan, this is my friend Dobby."

"Great Harry Potter sir introduces Dobby as a friend." He sobbed "Thank you Great Harry Potter, sir! Thank you!"

Harry rolled his eyes again "He takes a little getting used to. But he's great. Anyway, Dobby, I have a question. As a House Elf, are you obligated to keep a FORMER master's secrets?"

"No sir Harry Potter sir." Dobby answered "Bad master gave Dobby no such order."

This was PERFECT, but Harry fought to stay calm. The Elf was excitable enough. So coolly, he asked "Sue, Dobby used to be the Malfoy elf. Do you know about any of Mr. Malfoy's activities for Volde-?" He stopped himself as his friend flinched at the feared name.

"Bad old master never kicked Dobby out when You-Know-Who gave orders." He answered "Dobby had to serve visitors. You-Know-Who likes to torture. If elves around You-Know-Who didn't have to torture bad wizards or bad witches."

Harry dropped to a knee, and at eye level told the Elf "I'm sorry you ever went through that. And I promise I will do everything in my power to stop him from torturing or killing anyone else. Now, Dobby, Susan's aunt is the boss of all the Aurors at the Ministry. It would help everyone if you tell her all about everything you saw and heard at the Malfoys'. Will you do that?"

"Harry Potter sir asking for Dobby's help?" he wanted to know.

Harry nodded "Yes. Please."

"And Dobby will be helping Harry Potter sir?"

"A lot, I think."

Dobby was overwhelmed "Dobby would help Harry Potter sir end You-Know-Who?"

"I'm sure of it." Harry confirmed "Would you go home with Susan? Tell her aunt everything you know?"

Dobby nodded his head, blissfully, replied "Yes sir, Harry Potter sir. Harry Potter sir's Miss take Dobby's hand."

Susan blinked at the elf's implication. Harry blushed. Susan's eyes met Harry's just as she and Dobby became a puff of smoke.


	54. Chapter 54:Harry's Will

[a/n] What if Sirius' death pushed Harry over the edge?

 **Harry Does Different Zzb**

Harry's Will [suicide]

 _Albus Dumbledore_

 _Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry_

 _Dear Hmr Dumbledore,_

 _You are mentioned in the will of one of our substantial clients'. Gringotts Bank has verified his death and is executing the will on Tuesday January 2 1997. 9:30AM. Your presence is required. The Goblin Nation will be most offended at your non-appearance._

 _Thank you_

 _Sharktooth – wills and estates_

The same letter went to Ginny, Hermione, Ron, Susan Bones, Severus Snape, Minerva McGonagall, Pomona Sprout, Hagrid, Poppy Pomfrey, Fred & George, Neville Longbottom, Luna Lovegood, Amos Diggory and Mr. & Mrs. Weasley, Narcissa & Draco Malfoy, Nymphadora & Andromeda Tonks, Remus Lupin, lastly Vernon & Petunia Dursley

Owls went out from the Bank. The contents caused confusion, as custom meant no name on the notification letter, sadness and in one case outright glee. The first ones to figure it out in advance? Harry's Aunt and Uncle. The professors were mildly put out because the next day students returned to school.

Abcij

Of course, the Weasleys were in the know as soon as they all read their letters. They were devastated. The notion of Harry's death barely registered as real. But it couldn't be anyone else. If confirmation was needed, it came in the owl from Hermione. They did not know who, if anyone else, had been notified, and thus notified no one. The only official clue was Mr. Weasley's asking for aggrievance leave from his job.

Abcij

The Dursleys were among the first to arrive. As has been said, they were thrilled with Harry's death. Profiting from it was just tart on the treacle. They had taken the entry in London to Diagon Alley, frowned in disapproval at the freakish sights. They stood in Gringott's main service room in a celebratory mood, but highly self-conscious.

There were a number of will readings today, but the Goblins did not even need to see the letters to know who to direct to which reading. Conservatively and impeccably dressed Goblins went out to gather beneficiaries and lead them to the scheduled conference room. For the Potter reading, given his status and the number of people invited, only the largest and most ornate room would do. The ceiling was twenty feet high. The chandeliers, all five of them, were made of diamonds. The chairs were dragon hide. The rug was acromantula silk. And few today would notice, fewer would care.

Long before they entered, every beneficiary knew, beyond doubt, who had died.

"Pet!" exclaimed Vernon "Those must be worth a million pounds!" he was referring to the chandeliers.

The goblins all snapped to attention as one wearing a simple looking suit, but made of woven gold, entered "In your terms, Vernon Dursley, EACH of those chandeliers are worth 925,000 pounds. My name is Nilbog, I am here to settle the Black and Potter estates as per the instructions of the deceased. One Harry James Potter."

"Please, sir?" asked Hermione "How did he die?"

Draco sneered "Potter should never have gotten control of House Black. Filthy half-blood."

"Actually, by definition, the son of both a witch and a wizard, Harry is a Pureblood." Hermione argued.

Draco countered with a nasty laugh "That's WAS you filthy little mudblood!"

"I'll make you a WAS!" all of the hot-tempered Weasley children were pulling their wands. Or half out of their seats ready to leap over the table.

Goblin guards jumped on the table, axes at the ready "There will be no bloodshed." Nilbog declared "Unless I authorize it!" Mr. and Mrs. Weasley urged their offspring to stop and sit. The near fight subsided. The senior goblin answered Hermione's question as if nothing had occurred "Miss Granger, the Lord Potter and Black came to us on Christmas Day utterly broken in mind and body. He requested our assistance in writing a will and in ending his life."

"NO!" most of the attendees gasped.

Nilbog called out "Dobby."

"Majesty." The House Elf popped in, and said politely. Not at all his old bouncy self "Goblin king speaks truth Harry Potter friends and enemies. Dobby was with Harry Potter for his last words."

Hermione glared at the little creature "You are a free elf, Dobby. You did not have to obey Harry."

"Harry Potter named Dobby his friend!" Dobby snapped "Dobby not obey orders! Miss Grangy! Harry Potter asked as friend! Dobby did as friend!" He concluded by crossing his arms and grunting.

Susan Bones sat quietly, thinking this was nothing like her Auntie's will reading. But then that only had herself and the Abbotts. Now that she knew who died, she was saddened, but unsure why she'd been invited. She could not justify in her mind being any substantial beneficiary.

"Thank you, Dobby." Said Nilbog "Would you please bring Hedwig here?"

He nodded "Yes Majesty." And he walked out.

"Let's begin." The goblin lord announced "Harry Potter was Lord of both The Ancient and Noble House of Black and of The Ancient and Noble House of Potter. He makes the customary legal statements. Although he wishes to amend them to read 'of disintegrating mind and endangered body' The record will show the document in its original form. Suicide is entirely acceptable under Goblin law. And, given his circumstances, understandable."

Severus snarled "Hurry up then! Just the brat's way of getting in a last word."

"You want to say that again, Snivilus?" Ron snarled.

Snape gave an unpleasant smile "Looking forward to returning to school, Weasley? I will make it my mission to make your next semester a living hell."

"Ronald! Apologize!" ordered Mrs. Weasley.

Ron spat "Sorry! - That you're a slimy greasy haired git!" He glared at his mother when she slapped his arm.

"Harry Potter." Nilbog spoke almost in a trance "Your body has been laid to rest as instructed. Your beneficiaries are present. We ask you to speak."

Dobby, returning with Hedwig perched on his head, bowed deeply to the image of Harry that appeared. The snowy owl squawked sadly. She rubbed herself against the image of Harry's hand.

"First off, Sirius' death was just too much. All my fault. Don't mourn me. I'm not worth it. And besides, I'll be with him and my parents. There are, as I see it, three groups present on this occasion." Harry began "Those who made my life hell. And they will be getting something appropriate to the misery I received. Those who are my friends. People who, at the very least, tried. Not once, but repeatedly. Last, representatives and heirs of House Black. Let's start there."

Narcissa echoed her son "Now we will get what Sirius denied us."

"As Duke of the Ancient and Noble House of Black I, Harry James Potter, annul and declare the marriage of Bellatrix Black to Rudolphus LeStrange void. The bride price is hereby forfeit and Gringotts is instructed to collect forthwith. Next, as Duke of the Ancient and Noble House of Black I, Harry James Potter, strip Belltrix Black of all rights, responsibilities and benefits of membership in the Ancient and Noble House of Black. Finally, I declare Bellatrix a blood traitor to the Ancient and Noble House of Black. As Duke of the Ancient and Noble House of Black I, Harry James Potter, annul and declare the marriage of Narcissa Black to Lucius Malfoy void. The bride price is hereby forfeit and Gringotts is instructed to collect forthwith. Next, as Duke of the Ancient and Noble House of Black I, Harry James Potter, strip Narcissa Black of all rights, responsibilities and benefits of membership in the Ancient and Noble House of Black. Finally, I declare Narcissa a blood traitor to the Ancient and Noble House of Black. Your husband and son have made this situation for you, blame them. Draco-" Harry's image was smirking all through this speech. It paused when interrupted.

Narcissa was on her feet "You may expect to hear from my lawyers!"

"SIT DOWN!" the goblin king ordered "Any attempt, by anyone, to leave this gathering will be dealt with most severely."

Dumbledore cajoled "No need for threats, Nilbog."

"My given name is for those granted the privilege - Albus." The king grinned nastily and signaled. Axes soon lopped off three inches of the old wizard's beard. Everyone froze.

The Headmaster apologized smoothly "No offense, Majesty."

"Draco Malfoy distaff Black, as Duke of the Ancient and Noble House of Black I, Harry James Potter, banish you from the Ancient and Noble House of Black and declare you a blood traitor to the Ancient and Noble House of Black." The image continued into the sudden silence.

The blonde boy was out of his seat, but Narcissa grabbed his shoulder and pulled him down. Everyone could see it was highly unwillingly.

"Next, as Duke of the Ancient and Noble House of Black I, Harry James Potter, welcome Andromeda Black Tonks into the Family, restoring all rights, responsibilities and benefits of membership in the Ancient and Noble House of Black. Through her, I offer full rights to Nymphadora Tonks. HAHA! Can't hex me Nymphadora!"

Said metamorph looked more than mildly miffed.

"Oh. I almost forgot! Nacrissa and Draco, a small present." Harry turned back "You'll recognize your parts of the Black Family Tree. Don't the blast scars look lovely?" Mother and son received padded envelopes. "Thank you Nilbog." The image said before continuing.

Susan's eyebrow rose when the goblin king did not object to Harry's use of the name.

"Sirius' will said he hoped he died fighting Voldemort. STOP FLINCHING!" Harry continued "So I am temporarily donating GG5,000,000 from the Black Estate to a vault in Dobby's name. More on that later. Remus Lupin, the only other loyal Marauder, I Duke Black, order Gringotts to transfer GG1,000,000 from the Black vaults to yours. The balance of the Black fortune including the Black title and Wizengamot votes go to Andromeda Black Tonks."

All in all, Albus considered this part a positive. By making Harry his heir, Sirius had stopped a major funding source for Voldemort. That could have happened without the formal casting out. He already foresaw losing Draco to darkness. Nor, did he approve of punishing Narcissa for Lucius.

"Now, to the people who have made my life miserable, let's work our way up shall we?" Harry sneered "We'll start with Pomona Sprout. Susan Bones, I do not include you in what I am about to say. I consider you a friend. The rest of Hufflepuff however has basically been treating me like dirt since The Triwizard Tournement. For the contempt you and your House have shown me since 1994, I leave you 30 Sickles. I don't know your Blood status, but it shouldn't be too hard to find a Bible. Read Matthew 26:15. I'm also fond of the associated Zechariah prophecy."

Hermione, of course, knew the reference. Her parents being devout Anglicans. She smiled a bit wondering where Harry could possibly have learned the more obscure prophecy's indirect reference to him. It was the befuddled expression on the rotund professor's face that disappointed her. And it occurred to the muggleborn, that it also gave an insight to her friend's state of mind. Dumbledore, meanwhile, was concerned ' _Was there another prophecy involving Harry?_ Disturbing possibility indeed.

"Vernon and Petunia Dursley. Bet you thought you were entitled to a lot this day. Didn't you?" Harry's voice was laced with sarcasm "Same for Diddys if you brought him. I didn't think of it soon enough. And, just so you can follow along, I know you are. It takes Five pounds to equal One galleon. You're right there with Sprout. If anyone objects, ask Dobby how the Malfoys treated him. I got the same from them. So, I give you the same 30 Pieces of Silver. No worries about you and Bible quotes. Enjoy."

The muggle couple spluttered. Vernon jumped out of his seat, maddened. Like a bull, he charged. The goblin guards, primarily concerned with their sovereign's safety, reacted instantly. Vernon paid for his display with his left ear. It bled spectacularly, though briefly. Not a witch or wizard showed an iota of concern. Molly did vanish the blood splatters.

"Gets messy from here." Harry went on, unaware of the carnage that happened, seriously "I certainly will not mind if a friend chooses not to look. Minerva McGonagall. I remind you of the time you told three very curious and very ahead of themselves First Years to basically shut up and goto bed. I believe everyone here knows that story. That's just your first offense. Your worst was Fifth Year, and it is that I damn you for. Nilbog, please."

Again, after getting the Headmaster's ears pinned back, there was surprise. No objection to the use of his name. The king smiled so much his face looked like it was about to crack. He took a wrapped package around to the Gryffindor Head and place it on the table. Despite the warning, or perhaps because of it, everyone got as close as they could.

' _This is the first time I have ever had an active dislike for Harry Potter'_ Minerva thought behind a stoic mask. She picked up the card, opened it and read "It says _Keep your head down_." She touched the loose wrapping and it fell open "OH MY!" she exclaimed "A hand!" The stunned witch fell backward out of her seat.

There were assorted variations on the same theme. Dumbledore helped her to her feet "Why would you do that, Harry?" he demanded of the image.

"Look at it CLOSELY." The image said in answer "If you don't wish to look, Hermione will remember what she gave me Essence of Murlap for. Hope it's all nice and bloody for you Aunt Minnie. Worse than Aunt Petunia."

Hermione offered "It's Harry's of course. The short version is Umbridge was torturing Harry with a blood quill. Made him write **_I must not tell lies_ ** in blood. Over and over and over. Majesty, please, you didn't do this while Harry was alive."

"Think nothing of it, Miss Granger." Nilbog answered, kindly "His pain, if he felt any, was very brief. No what he arranged for this occasion was done after Lord Potter died."

Again, the recording knew it was time to proceed "Severus Snape. Or, as Sirius taught me, Snivilus! What have you been doing during my Remedial Potions detentions? Trying to get into my head. Well? With this, you can get in all you want. Have fun Snivilus." The recording laughed.

"I have no desire to accept anything from Potter." Snape sneered, ignoring the rather large package that was placed in front of him "Hurry this along. I have somewhere to be."

Remus joked "Come come Severus, surely it must be a Zonko's product." He reached in the box and lifted out… Harry's head….. the gentle werewolf dropped the horrid surprise and backed away until he slammed into the wall. It was too much, he fainted.

"Well, good job at that, Potter." Snape quipped, darkly. He made no attempt to stop the head from rolling. Nor did he react at all when the empty expression stopped on him. "King Nilbog? My gift received, may I have your permission to depart?"

The Goblin King shook his head "No. Mr. Snape. You may not. To fulfill what our client paid for, you must in fact hand carry your gift from this room, through Diagon Alley to the Apparation Point."

"Last of my tormentors we have Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. Is that right? Who cares? You by far have most of my blood on your hands. How? Who thought it was a good idea to protect an immortality stone in a school? Who couldn't figure out the Horcrux diary? Third Year? Well, you can have a pass there. Who hired a Death Eater as DADA teacher? Made a Fourth Year compete against adults? Who abandoned me for the last year and a half? And just for a great laugh who set his pet Death Eater to mind rape me! Never mind any of that, your crimes against me began the first time Vernon broke my arm and didn't end until the last time I was shoved in my cupboard." Even if it wasn't really Harry, you could see and almost feel the rage and grief pouring off "As the worst offender I have left the worst for last. First, my wand. You may need it against Voldemort. I still want him dead worse than you."

The King seemed to relish delivering a third box. It was flat. Larger than the one given to McGonagall. "Enjoy, Albus. Your new outfit. The blood has not been allowed to dry."

"You'll wear the clothes I died in, all soaked in my blood." Harry's image was full of hate "You'll wear them day and night, every day of your miserable life. Awake or asleep. If you take them off I'll haunt you til the day you die!"

The old wizard sighed defeated "I shall comply with your wishes Harry. May it comfort you to know I likely will join you soon." He stood, turned his back and started changing into the bloody clothes. They fit poorly, hung wrong because they were drenched in blood, and plainly, stunk!

"Neville Longbottom." Harry smiled "You've been a good friend. But, you're richer than me, so no point there. You stood up with us at the Ministry. And I'll never be able to thank you enough. Sorry I never thought of this before now, but ask Ron or Hermione to lead you to just about the biggest Devil's Snare in England."

A tear slid down the Gryffindor's cheek and he nodded "Thanks Harry." But there was an appearance of anger directed at the professors.

"To Arthur and Molly Weasley." Harry went on "I know you never wanted anything for my visits. But I want to see you as safe as possible. I spoke to the goblins and contracted with them to provide their absolute best wards. Most active defenses. Please don't bother asking how much it costs. It doesn't matter to me, especially now. Just survive."

The older Weasleys merely nodded their reluctant acceptance.

"Amos Diggory. Your son was an honorable competitor and good friend. True credit to the Hufflepuff ideals, unlike all but one of its current occupants." Said Harry. "I haven't forgotten how you declined my offer of the prize money. And why. Please, accept the Triwizard Cup they gave me. Cedric was the true Hogwarts Champion. I was set up to win, by Voldemort and Dumbledore."

The still saddened father nodded in acceptance. The Head of Hufflepuff was deeply offended at the insult to her and her House. Sprout was not to be put off by the compliments to her former favorite, either. She was genuinely angry, but not daring to speak in the presence of armed goblins.

"So while we're on Hufflepuff, let me once again say I'm sorry to Susan Bones." Harry offered her an apologetic look "I liked talking to you after some of our club meetings. We do have a lot in common. Both our families wiped out by Voldemort. A word of advice, if I may, if attacked … kill. Don't hesitate. Better them than you. If you're willing and Hedwig accepts, I'd like you to take her."

The snowy owl stopped pecking at a chair leg, hopped up on the table and walked around a bit. Then approaching Susan and was clearly inspecting the young witch. After a minute of hopping about and pecking, Hedwig extended her wings, flapped briefly and jumped onto Susan's head.

"I take that as a yes." Susan couldn't help but laugh.

Harry glanced at his Aunt and Uncle and continued "Susan, I know you're plenty wealthy too. But for a dig at you two, I'm leaving GG20,000 to provide for Hedwig's care. Yep that's £100,000 I'd rather goto my owl than you."

Both Dursleys seethed, but didn't move, intimidated by axe-brandishing creatures.

"Rubeus Hagrid. You were my first friend. Ever." Said Harry "And thank you. For you I have a lifetime international portkey to Charlie's reserve in Romania. I'm sure you miss Norbert."

The half-giant would never have appreciated any sum of money. But endless trips to a dragon preserve brought tears to his eyes. He whispered "Thank ya Harry."

Fred George and Ronald Weasley. To each of you, I will one Million Galleons. Yep that's £5,000,000. Each. Dear Auntie. And you can blame your lardass son and husband that you don't see a Farthing! And Luna Lovegood, I leave you, in addition to one Million Galleons, my will for publication."

"NO!" gasped Dumbledore "There is information in it that must….

Luna just smiled at him "There is information in it that must, Headmaster, be revealed per Harry's instructions."

"Luna, you really shouldn't defy Professor Dum-!" exclaimed Hermione.

The blonde girl shrugged and cut her off "My first loyalty is to Harry. Where is yours?"

"I will ensure that _The Daily Prophet_ has nothing to do with such a publication." Dumbledore promised.

Luna countered "I think Daddy would ok publishing almost anything for me. I know he would publish almost anything that Harry actually asked to have publish." She was completely emotionless.

"If Professor Dumbledore believes it best, young lady." Said Molly. "Then I am sure-"

Luna smiled at her in the unnerving way "Molly, I am sure you would not wish to disappoint Harry." She seemed to have more to say, but just sat back in her seat. "Next please."

"Ginny, I ahhh…damn…even in a recording. I can't believe this!" even the image of Harry had a blush "Ginny I like you! Well by the time you see this it'll be liked. Sorry. At least I said it once. Just ten more seconds on the Express. Oh well. A million Galleons to you and my Firebolt. I'm almost certain not a one of your family knows. Try out for the team."

"Remember the GG5,000,000 I reserved from House Black?" the image asked rhetorically "I matched that from House Potter. This vault will be controlled by Dobby the House Elf. He has instructions from me to issue bounty payments for Death Eaters executions. All a witch or wizard need do is call for Dobby, show him a body, and get paid."

Ron was looking at his sister almost angrily.

Ginny thought back to the train ride in September. Nothing, in particular, stood out. She did wonder if it was true, what about all that time in the same house?

"That's it. Right?" the image looked around dramatically, rubbing his hands together. For almost two whole minutes, before continuing "Ohhhhhhhhhh! Riiiiiiiiight Hermione. Sorry, just kidding. Consider it a last prank. Anyway. I talked girls with Sirius. He asked me who would I choose. Well I asked him who would he choose. His answer was whichever one I didn't choose. So. In honor of Sirius Black I am pranking the Wizarding World. Gotta do this by law. I, Harry James Potter, Duke of House Potter, do formally adopt Hermione Granger into the Ancient and Noble House of Potter. I, Harry James Potter, Duke of House Potter, name Hermione Granger heir to House Potter. She is to receive everything not already named previously in this will. Including, for the record, House Potter's vote in the Wizengamot."

Hermione gasped "I didn't want your money, Harry."

"Ron, give her a hug. I figure either I made her sad or Malfoy said something to piss her off." Harry quipped "And no Hermione, a prank is not mishandling money. Besides I have a fair idea what she'll do. She'll sit in the Wizengamot telling them everything wrong with the world, and more importantly how to fix it. And think on this, she gets to look down on the poor Malfoys. And instead of being a 'mudblood nobody' Hermione will have all the wealth and prestige of House Potter backing her up."

Ron quietly chuckled a bit. Even he couldn't summon any joy today.

"I'm sure those yucking it up right now include Fred and George." Said Harry "There's a prank there for you two. Guess who gets my shares in Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes."

Oh No!" Fred and George gasped as one "Not that!"

Now that brought a chuckle into the room.

"I don't know who this is a prank on. But I do know Hermione would want to finish Hogwarts. So I do need to appoint a proxy. Until she decides, I appoint Dobby the House Elf as head of House Potter. Now if you think Malfoy type pruebloodism is a good idea, imagine their thoughts and remember some of the things Draco has said in school."

Draco looked at Narcissa and said "Father said he beheaded that beast."

"Dobby?" Hermione called out "Anything you'd like to say to your former owners?"

*pop* "Mistress Grangy is not nice to Dobby." He said, turning his back on the Malfoys….. and lifting his tea-cozy. Have you ever wondered about an elf's anatomy? Ask!

Fred and George quietly offered "A will reading isn't the place."

"Well, that's it." Harry concluded "To my friends and family, thank you. And…I'm sorry. To my enemies…..you know who you are…fuck you."

Nilbog stood and declared "This concludes the reading. Lastly, we are instructed to escort everyone from here to the Leaky Cauldron. And we will require you to display your hehheh gifts." He was looking at those Harry clearly disliked.


	55. Chapter 55:Harry Goes Back

[a/n]I do like reading time travel stories, but the involvement of a grown [sometimes old] man with kids… could you really stand it? Going back to 12 from 20 or 50 or 100? So a different take on changing history.

 **Harry Does Different Zzc**

Harry Goes Back

The ancient Headmaster of Hogwarts looked over his work. The work of decades. It had taken everything he had ever learned in his long life. Runes, Arithmancy, Potions. Dark Arts, too, like Necromancy. He'd also violated many laws, the least of which would earn him a decade in Azkaban. But, now, the project was ready. It was too late for him to be stopped now. He would right the wrongs, or at least give himself the ability to do it better.

"Professor Potter! Unspeakables!" came through the office door "We know what you're planning! Surrender!"

In response, Harry scratched his thin pate of scraggly white hair and replied "Good morning, Miss Creevey. It's always a pleasure to welcome old students. Do come in. Please."

"It doesn't have to end badly, Headmaster." A curly redhead youth brandishing a wand, said.

Making no effort to go for his wand, he merely smiled "Ah….young Percival. So like your namesake. Quoting rules. One day you will learn some things transcend the law."

"We cannot allow you to change the past." Said a middle-aged wizard with pink hair and a blue mustache.

Again, the old wizard was only pleased "It is my past to change, Remus. And I am not doing it just for myself. If it works, your grandfather will grow up with his parents instead of stories."

"You don't know that Granpa Harry." There was nothing of law enforcement in Teddy's grandson's voice, at this point, himself a grandfather. Only that of family "You could change one event and cause a ripple effect that will destroy everything. What if it backfires? You won, isn't that enough?"

Harry dismissed the objections "No, it's not. First, you go by the Monument of Victory every day. Shortening that long list of names of Death Eater murders is my only concern. Second, I have been working on this longer than you have been alive, child. I assure you, I've accounted for every possible twist."

"Enough of this!" exclaimed Percival "Put down your wand. Step around your desk SLOWLY! And hold your hands high."

The Headmaster sighed, looking defeated and appeared to comply, then he said "Now Fawkes!" The phoenix let out a high pitched screech and all the Unspeakables collapsed. "Well done, old friend. Goodbye Remmy. Fawkes, you know I'm not coming back."

The Unspeakables watched while the old Headmaster called on all of his powers. He drew a circle in front of him. The noise was piercing, like something was ripping a hole in the universe. Which was basically accurate, Diagon Alley was visible in the circle, but a Diagon Alley of LONG AGO. They watched him pick up a large and still overstuffed packing envelope and walk through. They had failed their mission.

Abcij

"It worked!" the old man grinned. Then promptly collapsed. This is where Necromancy came in. Time travel to this extent simply could not be survived. Runes carved all over his body glowed through all the colors of the rainbow, and after a few minutes, he stood on very shaky legs. His wand became a cane to hold him up. Not quite sure where he'd landed, he asked a passerby "Tom's Bar?"

The repulsive, dirty man answered "Find your own way." The old man looked an easy mark, so he reached into the robes with practiced ease. And his hand promptly fell off.

"Best watch that, scum." Old Harry sneered. And realized "Knockturn Alley." He walked through to Diagon Alley to buy the property for his plan.

A week later he was ready and in the Leaky Caldron. He grinned as he watched his [Merlin! Was he really that small once?] his younger self open the door. This was perfect. But Hagrid came first, approaching with a smile he said "Hello, old friend."

"Hi there." Hagrid replied, holding the obviously aged man's hand gingerly "Sorry, I don recognize ya."

"A friend of the old crowd. I've been waiting for Harry to appear. It's good to see you again, been too long." Old Harry said. Then he smiled at the boy "Hello, Harry, I owe a debt to your family. There's a package in here and a letter explaining it. It was nice seeing you."

Young Harry looked up, wondering about this old man, who somehow seemed familiar "Have I ever met you before, sir?" he asked, curiously.

"I stayed with your parents during the war." Answered Old Harry "Hagrid will tell you all about Voldemort?"

Young Harry asked "Why don't you come with us?" Eager to hear about his parents.

"I'm sorry I don't have much time here." Said Old Harry "You see. I'm going away."

Young Harry asked "When will you be back?"

"No, Harry. I mean that I am about to die." Answered Old Harry.

Young Harry sighed "Oh. I'm sorry.

"Don't be, Harry. I'm a very old man. I came here knowing I would die. Self serving though it is I wish you a long life and a happier one." Old Harry told him with an unconcerned smile "Good bye, Harry … Rubeus."

Young Harry didn't understand what the old man meant about self serving. And at just eleven he really could not imagine being ready to die. "Well, goodbye then. Sir. And I'm still sorry."

"I didna get yer name." said Hagrid.

Old Harry answered "James Evans." Smiling with amusement at the semi-truth he shook his younger self's hand gravely.

Abcij

Old Harry hadn't missed the mark on his estimate of his death. During his preparations, he'd got around mostly by premade Portkeys. The time travel spellwork had drained his magical core beyond recovery. He'd known it would. And knew he would die soon after his task was complete. The Knight Bus was prompt and he greeted them "Hi Stan. Hi Ern. Manchester please. It's under family wards so I'll direct you when you're close."

"Take it away Ern!" said Stan.

The Shrunken Head ordered "Yeah! Take her away Ern!"

"That'll be 5 Galleons 6 Sickles 11 Knuts Guv'nur." Stan tipped his hat to the old man.

Harry gave a tired smile "You know, Stan, I got all my business done a bit underbudget, I have ….errrrr…. 416 Galleons … hmm imagine that! 6 Sickles 11 Knuts. You three have fun, knock off early." His heart gave out during the first sharp right turn.

Abcij

"Wonder what the old man gave me." Young Harry wondered.

Vernon demanded "What was that, Potter? IF you want to disturb my driving, you'll bloody well make sure I can hear what you say."

"Just thinking about some of the reading I have to do before school, Uncle Vernon." Harry felt like it was a lie, but didn't really care.

Vernon found that amusing "Hhahahah" he boomed "Now that I can get behind! Homework all the time! Keep you freaks out of trouble.".

"Big behind." Harry muttered, sarcastically. But the rest of the ride proceeded in silence. He rushed up the stairs and opened his trunk and pulled out the package from the old man. Opened it. Inside was a pocket-sized book and an envelope with a letter inside. He picked up the book and opened it, but it only had one page inside.

 **No Cheating Harry Read The Letter First**

"Smartass book" Harry snorted. He tossed it onto the bed he had in Dudley's second bedroom. Then he obeyed.

 _Hi there Harry Potter_

 _Sorry about the little book bomb. Well. Not really. I'm entitled. I've been at this longer than your Headmaster has been alive. I'll leave you to ponder that until you meet him. Ready for a surprise? One as big as Hagrid?_

Harry raised a skeptical eyebrow.

 _Well, I'm the guy who gave you this real large package. No, that's NOT the surprise. The surprise is that my name is Harry James Potter. That's right, I am you. I was born July 31, 1980 just like you. My parents were killed October 31,1981. My first memory is of wrestling with a big black something you can't quite remember. My first memory of Uncle Vernon is dislocating my shoulder. I had spiders named Pafoo and Moey I shared the Cupboard with. And I was the best short order cook 10 or under. That should convince you I'm for real._

Harry was amazed. No one could know so much about him. Things he barely remembered.

 _I'll fill in the animal memories when the time comes. That brings me to the book. It is a diary. That isn't a dirty word. And it's the most important book you will ever own. DO NOT EVER LOSE IT! SLEEP WITH IT! TAKE IT IN THE SHOWER WITH YOU! It has all my memories in it. It tells you everything up to the moment you entered the Leaky Cauldron with Hagrid. You'll actually learn about my last days first. The book is especially charmed, magic not taught in Hogwarts. Because this will come up next year, it is NOT LIKE TOM RIDDLE'S DIARY. Why did I do this?_

Good Question, Harry thought

 _I was a war hero, Harry. I had a long and successful life. You saw an old man, Bloody! To you 40 is old. I give you permission to tell Vernon I said that._

Harry giggled in the silent way he'd learned to do.

 _What I never really had, my young self, is true happiness. People died who should not have. No. I couldn't go back to save Mum and Dad. The book will explain when you know enough to understand. I wasted time and energy on people who weren't worth it. Trusted people I shouldn't have. Didn't stand up or speak out for myself. The course you were on before now would be the same as me._

Harry considered that. Could he get the Dursleys to stop abusing him?

 _You have a war to fight and friends and family to save. The ultimate goal is to kill more of them than they kill of you. How am I going to get you there? With properly timed explanations of what's happening and why. Who to trust and not and why. General advice is another way. The first general bit is that you will stop performing down to Dudley's level. Study and learn. The Dursleys won't care about your Hogwarts grades. You'll be able to compare report cards with me and I hope you outperform me from First Term. The plan is to get you doing Seventh Year work before your Fourth, and more of the right subjects._

Harry thought that good advice, admitting he might not have changed his study habits.

 _Next is physical, you're a scrawny little wog right now. The Dursleys, of course. Potions to properly fix all those old injuries and effects of malnutrition. You'll always be thin, but we're going to put on muscle. You'll curse me for weeks but the sooner you get exercising, the better._

Harry frowned. Wha? Him? Exercise? Yuck!

 _I apologize in advance. As I learned more and more about my life, I had to deal with betrayals and manipulative adults. As I created our diary, I realized I had a major problem. The book would eventually be useless. So I decided that some events need to happen without any advance warning from the book, while others I could explain in advance. This will seem just like manipulation to you, and you'd be right. But I had to strike a balance between improving our life and telling you about something bad that has to happen for something good later. An example will occur very soon, I won't give you many details about something bad that occurs on Halloween._

Harry scowled at that. He immediately didn't like being told about something he could prevent if he knew enough. At least the letter was admitting it.

 _You could,….if you want… destroy the diary. The only effect my little time trip will have is the Healing Potions, see Madam Pomfrey, exercise and school work. Study! The diary is spelled so only you can read it, but better safe than sorry. Run it through the shredder and cast an Incendio on the cuttings. In a couple minutes, the diary will start to glow, that means new pages are there available to read. So, Harry? What's it to be? Potentially big good change, and big risk, I admit? Or no diary, not much change? It's your life and your decision; make it a good one._

 _Good luck Harry_

 _Harry James Potter 82_ _nd_ _Headmaster of Hogwarts_

Young Harry reread the letter…again….and again…thought about it…read it another time. And finally decided.

The book was glowing.


	56. Chapter 56:Bad Kitty

**[a/n]** #55 Harry Goes Back got lots of 'needs to be a story' As I wrote it did feel like more than a 1shot. So I'm taking up the effort. New story named  Diary of Time

 **Harry Does Different Zze**

Bad Kitty

Minerva McGonagall was looking forward to her first class of the 1991 school year. Particularly, though she would publicly deny it, because of Harry Potter's presence. She looked forward to righting the wrongs she'd seen. And to seeing how much the child was like the parents. In looks, he was his father, except for the eyes. What was he on the insides? This lateness could not go unpunished, though.

"Can you imagine the look on McGonagall's face if we were late?" Ron huffed and puffed.

Harry was frowning at the cat on the desk. Which, suddenly leapt off the desk and transformed into their Professor.

"That was bloody brilliant!" exclaimed Ron.

The intimidating Head of Gryffindor stonily retorted "Well thank you for that assessment Mr. Weasley. Perhaps you would benefit if I transfigured you or Mr. Potter into a pocketwatch."

"Can you do that again?" Harry wanted to know.

Minerva frowned. He wants something while late to class? The nerve! But she held her tongue. Did the boy remember her? There was a deeply hidden gleeful little girl dancing in her head. She focused on her form and returned to the steel grey straight backed feline. She bounded up on his desk and sat there.

"Kitty?" he scratched the cat's ears and flashed back to childhood events.

March 1983

Still in diapers, toddler Harry Potter was sitting in Privet Dr. playing. It was a lightly rainy day and Petunia had carelessly left the door open. Luckily no car went down the street during the last half hour. A steel grey cat came out of #11 and ran past the houses on a mission. The cat bit the boy's diaper and dragged him back to #4. It was considerably hard for the cat, especially since the toddler was big enough to walk back to the street the moment the cat let go.

December 1986

"Kitty oopsie." Said young Harry Potter. He was not welcome to share in the Christmas dinner he mostly made. The grey cat had slipped in snow, so little Harry sat outside on the step with his feline friend. Little Harry had a burn on his arm. Kitty licked it and little Harry smiled "Fank you Kitty."

May 1988

Harry was gardening, and whistling mournfully. The cat touched the bandaged wrist and meowed. "Unca Vernon did it." The boy admitted, wincing from even the light touch. And the cat hissed angrily.

abcij

And a dozen other little moments flashed through First Year Harry Potter's mind. But the more he thought, the angrier he got. And finally, he violently punched the cat in the head and slapped it off his desk. Harry spun on his heels and fled the class, tears in his eyes.

Abcij

"Hello, Harry, would you explain why one of my professors is in my hospital wing?" the voice sounded annoyed.

To which the First Year spun around, wiping at his cheeks "Hello Professor Dumbledore." He said, suppressing a sob "I missed class. Sorry."

"But not sorry you attacked Professor McGonagall?" he wanted to know.

Harry shook his head tearfully "I hate her! She betrayed me! Abandoned me with the Dursleys."

"How did you come to that conclusion, Harry?" the Headmaster wanted to know.

Harry sniffed "She's Kitty."

"Quite." Dumbledore acknowledged "We call it an Animagus. In Professor McGonagall's case, she is a cat."

The boy shook his head "Not what I mean! She came to the Dursleys. She knew how rotten they treated me and did nothing! i. hate. Her." He snarled.

"I was unaware of Professor McGonagall using her powers to visit with anyone." Said Dumbledore with rising irritation "She and I will need to discuss that."

Harry smirked "Did I get her in trouble?"

"That is nothing for children to be involved with." Dumbledore scolded him "Any such discussion will be between myself and her. Now, you should get back to Gryffindor."

Harry looked him square in the eye and said "No. I don't want to be around her. Ever. The Hat wanted to put me in Slytherin. I'd rather go there than see her again."


	57. Chapter 57:The Zoo

**Harry Does Different Zzf**

The Zoo

"Get in." Uncle Vernon ordered. And 35 minutes later, at their destination, he repeated his orders "Don't forget, this is Dudley's birthday. I've got half a mind to take the ticket cost out of your arse."

Harry backed away from his huge uncle, swallowing nervously "Yes, sir. Sorry, sir."

"Dad! Mum! Look at this!" Dudley ran into the reptile room.

Harry was less than excited, he wasn't done in the Bat Room. But, follow Dudley, they did. He saw his cousin sticking his face against the glass and trailed up. Saw a great big snake, not moving. Watched his cousin grouse off complaining. Feeling low himself, offered "Sorry about him. Bit of a git."

"Quite so, quite so." The snake replied.

Harry blinked and asked "Can you hear me?"

"Obviously, you dolt." The snake snapped as his head went higher "You're about as intelligent as a human can get. Could you possibly get me out of here?"

"I don't kn-" Harry began. But then Dudley nailed him in the side, preparatory to pressing his face at the snake. Harry was furious at being hit, yet again. Tack a bruised hip onto his other injuries. He glared at Dudley and was shocked when the glass vanished. But burst out laughing when his cousin fell in. * **sploosh** *

The snake slithered out, pausing at Harry to say "Thanks chum."

"Where's home?" asked Harry.

The tail flicked Harry's nose, then pointed to a sign that read BRAZIL.

"You can't get there from here. It's like ten thousand miles of ocean." Harry pointed out "You could come home with me. Do you have a name? I'm Harry."

The snake shook his head "We have no need for names among ourselves. You may, if you wish. Will I have enough to eat? Can I avoid being stared at?"

"I'm sure of the second part." Replied Harry then admitted "Can't be sure about food. But I promise I won't keep you against your will."

The snake nodded "Fair enough, human." And curled itself up the boy's right leg, rested his head on Harry's shoulder. And, quite encumbered, left the zoo. Not a single zoo employee challenged the snake-carrying boy, nor would the Dursleys dare touch Harry given the circumstances. When leaving, Harry climbed into Uncle Vernon's back seat and sat there alone. All his relatives sat up front.


	58. Chapter 58:50 Points

**Harry Does Different Zzi**

50 Points

"I am highly disappointed in all of you!" Professor McGonagall scolded.

Draco Malfoy smirked at the Gryffindors.

"But Professor!" complained Ron "You don't—"

She glared at her lions, cut him off "AND TO ENSURE it does not happen again you will serve detention and fifty points will be taken."

"FIFTY!?" cried Harry.

The Head of Gryffindor all but snarled "Each."

Hermione and Ron looked utterly terrified. Harry, however, looked mad and spat at her "Why not make it a hundred? Between you and Snape taking points off me for breathing too much."

"That is PROFESSOR Snape, Mister Potter." McGonagall said, coldly "And no professor takes points from a student for breathing."

Harry snorted, his entire body oozing disgust "I dare you." He retorted "Watch one of our classes with him. He'll give Draco ten for only being a minute late and take ten from me for being too early. But, know what? Not worrying about it anymore."

"Heheheheh" Draco Malfoy laughed at the trouble his nemesis was digging for himself.

She glared at him and declared "Fifty from Slytherin as well."

That quieted his amusement, however, he was already calculating that he could shrug off his lost points by explaining he'd cost Gryffindor triple that. Not a single Slytherin would object. "Sorry, Professor. Can I go back now?"

"Wait outside, Mr. Malfoy, Mr. Filch will escort all of you to detention." She ordered, and after the blonde boy left continued "The three of you are going to be the death of me."

Hermione quietly offered "Sorry Professor McGonagall."

"I'm not." Harry declared, crossing his arms "I call em like I see em."


	59. Chapter 59:Poor Neville

**Harry Does Different Zzj**

Poor Neville

The chubby, forgetful Gryffindor frowned at the Fat Lady and whined "But, they won't tell me!"

"Poor boy. I am sorry." She replied.

A sympathetic Prefect, however, whispered the password in his ear.

Neville looked at her in shock. Who could possibly have picked that? "McGonagall's an ostritch."

"Mr. Longbottom!" came a harsh voice.

Neville jumped, spun and exclaimed "Professor McGonagall!"

"Would you care to explain that remark?" she demanded, icily.

He swallowed nervously before answering "It's the password…errr….Ma'am."

"I see." He tone was even colder "And exactly who suggested that particular phrase?"

Neville looked all around for anyone else nearby to help. And, barely a whisper, said "Harry Potter. He said you deserve it after locking me out."


	60. Chapter 60:Troll Points

**Harry Does Different Zzk**

Troll Points

" _Wingardium Leviosa_." Ron swished and flicked. The trio watched it crash down on the troll's head. It wobbled on wobbly legs and fell over on its face. Ron grinned and said "Cool."

In, after the nick of time, were Professors McGonagall, Quirrell and finally Snape. "Explain yourselves! This instant!" she demanded angrily.

All three started to talk at once, with Hermione finally winning out "What it is, Professor, I thought I could handle the Troll. I've read all about them."

"That was most irresponsible Miss Granger. I am very disappointed." McGonagall scolded "Endangering yourself like that! Five points will be taken for your serious lack of judgment."

Hermione muttered weakly "Sorry Professor."

"As for you two gentlemen." The Head of Gryffindor groused "Well, I just hope you realize how fortunate you are. FIVE points will be awarded, to each of you. For sheer DUMB LUCK."

Ron grinned happy to receive points but Harry wasn't so impressed, flicking a thumb at Professor Snape he commented "Hmpf… he gives Malfoy ten points for cleaning his desk. And Greengrass got five yesterday for making it on time. He'd already closed the door."

"Harry! We got ten points!" Hermione scolded him.

To which, Harry snorted in disgust "No. Five after the ones you lost." And he headed for the door.

"You have not been dismissed Potter." Snape growled.

McGonagall cut in "I will handle this, professor. Since you are so scornful of points, Mr. Potter, you won't mind if I remove the five you and Mr. Weasley received, will you? And, you will serve detention with me tomorrow night."

"You'll have to wait." Harry sneered "Snape gave me detention for tomorrow. Again. Now, if you lot don't mind, I'd much rather ….that is…. Halloween isn't my thing."


	61. Chapter 61:Home Sweet Hogwarts

[a/n] Poor Albus

 **Harry Does Different Zzl**

Home Sweet Hogwarts

The Hogwarts Express eased into the station, steaming and screeching. Full of students. The castle was brightly lit in the distance. Excited children were thrilled to be back. There was a number who weren't so excited, as usual. Second Years looked a little nostalgic at First Years following Hagrid to the boats, then followed the upper years.

"We got this one!" yelled Ron, standing on the door of a carriage that had no horse. At least to his eyes. Hermione Granger saw much the same. She got in the carriage. Harry looked at the strange horse-like creatures pulling on the carriage, thought they were interesting, but no one else commented so he just got in too.

Hermione complained "Come on Ronald! It's natural for a cat!"

"Thing's a beast!" the redhead protested "Cannibal! Stop snarling at my rat!"

Hermione snorted in disgust and annoyance "Ronald, a cat eating a rat isn't cannibalism. They are not the same species!"

"Oh hush you two." Harry ordered distractedly "You're missing the view. It's incredible. Not even Snape could ruin this. Another nine months of no Dursleys." After a summer eating through a cat flap behind a bolted door, he was quite happy.

As the carriages pulled up to Hogwarts gate, Hermione cautioned "Harry! Sit down. You'll fall."

Harry gave her an amused look as they jerked to a stop. He leapt out, ran up the front steps, knelt at the castle doors …touched his head on the ground and yelled "HOME SWEET HOME!" He repeated it several times.

"Mr. Potter, I am pleased to see you as well." Professor Sinestra opened the doors and addressed him "Now, if you would, I wish to admit your classmates."

Harry grinned at the Astronomy professor, stood, and hugged the nearest pillar "Yes ma'am. Just happy to be home again, is all." He blithely ignored all the giggles and funny looks around him.

"Dork!" Ron playfully slapped his friend's head.

Hermione had to agree "That was a bit silly looking, Harry."

"Stuff yourself, Ron." Harry retorted gleefully "Hermione? Imagine going three months without being able to so much as touch a book."

Behind them, Cedric Diggory laughed raucously "Great Merlin! The gel'd explode!"

"Ahh… ignore him, 'Mione." Harry quipped, good-naturedly "He's just suffering from Snitch envy. Right Ced?"

The kids all egged on the Quidditch rivals and the boys playfully danced around each other. That, eventually, led to Sinestra ordering "Enough! Don't want to miss the feast."

"Too right, that!" bellowed Harry "Nothing like home-cooked meals."

Hermione finally gave an odd look "Harry, that's … you repeatedly called Hogwarts your home just now. Your home is with your family. Your Aunt, Uncle and Cousin. Errr… isn't it?"

"Privet Dr. has never been my home." He replied, bitterly "All I've got to show from there is my Mum's sister and her family insulting both my parents. Beatings when I don't do my chores just right. And bullying from her son and his gang. They may be relatives, BUT they are NOT family."

And far off, at the top of the highest spire, there were several magical gadgets. A green ball, that suddenly crumbled. A blue diamond, that exploded leaving a scorch mark behind. And a red arrow, that normally floated in place, undramatically fell, bounced off a shelf and landed on the floor.

"Oh, my." Said Albus Dumbledore. The ancient Headmaster was sitting in his office meditating and preparing for another year of learning. He opened his eyes and his eyebrows jumped past his hairline in alarm. "Now. What could possibly have caused that? What on Earth did you do, Harry?"


	62. Chapter 62:Wait'll My Father

**Harry Does Different Zzm**

Wait'll My Father

Draco Malfoy marched through the Hogwarts Express on a mission, leading his twin towers "….got it, you two?" he was saying "This time we get it right. I am sick of Potter and his bunch of Mudbloods showing us up."

"D'uhhh…Draco…. Weasley is a Pureblood." Said Crabbe.

Goyle nodded and agreed "Like us."

"I know I explained this." Draco complained impatiently "Weasley is a blood traitor. He is nothing like any of us true Purebloods. He dares consort with Mudbloods, makes him no better than them." He stopped his lecture when he spotted his personal enemy. Slammed open the compartment door.

Ron instantly demanded "Beat it, Malfoy."

"Now now Mr. Weasley, no need to be rude." Harry scolded his friend with a smirk "Do come in, Draco. Tell us, what's on your brain cell?"

Draco looked around, haughtily, commented "Well well well, the Ministry Six. At least, that's what _The Prophet_ called you."

" _The Prophet_ is a rag. I only read reputable publications." Came from behind an upside down _Quibbler_.

Draco tsked dramatically "Yet another example of giving a bad name to Wizard. This one is barely worth even breeding stock."

"Drop dead, Malfoy." Said Ron.

To which, the Slytherin whipped out his wand and was already yelling a curse. Harry yanked on Ron, wand already glowing, and countered " _Expelliarmus_!" Draco was blasted into his bodyguards and all three landed in a heap. It was a mess, Crabbe was unconscious, Goyle was screaming in pain because his leader kept pushing or stepping on vulnerable body parts. As a finale, he swept them out of the compartment.

"Wait til my Father hears of this!" Draco kicked the door off its hinges and snarled.

Harry burst out laughing " _Wait til my Father hears of this_! Is that all you got, Malfoy? I'll tell you what. I'll send the letter! All about how a little, lonely Ravenclaw Fourth Year wiped the floor with you and your girlfriends."

"I don't wish to seem a bully, Harry Potter." Luna bent her _Quibbler_ at the folds and peered over the top.

Still laughing at the blustering Slytherin, Harry snatched his wand and tossed it out the window and quipped "Sure, Malfoy, sure, first your Death Eater Daddie, then Voldemort…. Both just warmups for Darky Drakie. Oh…bugger off!"

"You'll pay Potter! YOU'LL PAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" Draco yelled as he and friends were majicked from the compartment.


	63. Chapter 63:Gwamp and Hermione

**Harry Does Different Zzn**

Gwamp and Hermione

"Ya gotta help me, Arry!" Rubeus Hagrid cried "Evil Delores 'as done in Dumbledore. And fired me."

Harry Potter and friends were rushing to follow "What can we do?" they wanted to know "All she needs is one of those stupid Decrees of hers."

"No' fer me!" cried Hagrid "Fer me ickle brudder. Gwamp. Not ver brigh' poor Gwampy. If'n I git tossed out he'd be banished. You three….ya canna let tha-appen. Keep Gwampy safe fer me! He's jus a baby after all!"

The Trio exchanged amused grins at Hagrid calling someone 'not very bright'. Hagrid was as nice as could be…but, well. As for 'little' the Gryffindors immediately assumed they'd be meeting someone at least their size. In that, they were all wrong, by several feet.

"HAGGER!" a voice boomed. The ground shook violently. The carpet of leaves bounced and a tree creaked and groaned. A massive grey hand almost took Harry's head off his shoulders. Again, the booming "HAGGGGEEERRRRR!"

Ron pushed Hermione down while protesting "What the bloody hell is that!?"

"Me brudder!" Hagrid bellowed happily "Init he fine? But I can't leave him to get bullied in the Colony. Gwamp, say Hi to Harry Potter, Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley."

He was huge. Bigger than the troll the Trio faced back in First Year. He was cute, in an ugly sort of way. And spoke in a way that did justice to Hagrid's description. He jabbed a finger into his chest and declared "Me Gwamp! Hi Hawwy. Ronnie. Hermy."

"No no no." Hermione lectured "That's HER-MYY-OH-KNEE. Emphasis on the WHOOOOAAAAAA!" She found herself snatched off the ground and lifted into the air.

Gwamp grinned at his captive "HAHA Hermy!" he rumbled, poking at the human's belly.

"Put her down!" yelled Ron "Ya great oaf!"

The grey giant chortled happily, said "Lil guy funny!" and lightly swatted Ron, knocking the redhead over and into a pile of leaves.

"Gwamp! No grabbing and put me down!" ordered Hermione, quite forcibly.

Hagrid slapped his brother's knee and reinforced her "These are friends Gwamp! Behave! Ron! Are you awrigh'? Put 'Ermione down!"

"HOhoho!" Gwamp boomed happily "Hermy pretty." He poked again, grinning.

Hermione, glaring, ordered "Gwamp! Put me down! AT ONCE!" She stomped her foot for emphasis, though it was lessened by the empty air under her.

"Yeah! Putter down!" Ron finally righted himself and yelled. He picked up a branch to attack.

Harry, with sudden inspiration, grabbed his friend's arm and spun him around "No Ron! Wait!" he exclaimed "I have an idea. Gwamp? Do you like Hermione?"

"Gwamp like Hermy." The giant grunted appreciatively and pinched the girl's skirt between massive thumb and finger.

Hermione momentarily glared at her friend, then yanked her skirt…or, rather…tried to. The huge grey fingers held it in place. She pointed at the giant and shouted "YOU PUT ME DOWN! THIS INSTANT!"

"Hagrid! Make him put her down!" Ron spun free of Harry and kicked Gwamp in the knee.

The giant smiled goofily at the futile attack, but was complying with the repeated demands. Lowering Hermione.

"NO no keep her." Harry told the giant, waving his arms "Go ahead!"

Hermione, who could feel the ground beneath her feet, was furious at her friend "Harry! Just what are doing!" She was lifted high again and her whole face was slobbered on by a huge rubbery, greenish, tongue.

"EWWWWWWWWW!" Ron gagged.

Harry, though, giggled and addressed the half-giant "Hagrid, whose side are giants going with?"

"Well….the Gurg has been leaning towards You-Know-Who. Why?" he replied.

Harry pretended to thoughtfully stroke a feet long beard "I see. Ummmm… Gwamp… If you can keep your little Hermy there, will you convince your people to side with us against Voldemort?"

"Gwamp agree." The 'small' giant nodded vigorously, happily. Kissed his new human and began, like a child, to examine her.

Hermione protested …LOUDLY… And most especially when she began losing clothes. "HARRY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!"

"Think about it, Hermione." He offered, reasonably "Gwamp just wants a toy. I don't think he'll hurt you. And if he can bring his people to our side, it'll be worth it."

Ron, doubtful, offered "I don't think this is a good idea."

"It's for the Greater Good." Harry wisely countered "Your sacrifice will be remembered, Hermione."


	64. Chapter 64:Chosen One

[a/n] No production thanx to broke keyboard. Back to it. Now come on, does anyone really believe Harry would just give Hermione over to a giant?

 **Harry Does Different Zzo**

Chosen One

Sixth Year Harry Potter sat in the library scene casually looking around, feeling for once, a little full of himself. Gives a grin to a couple of cute Third Year girls, who promptly giggle into their hands and flee. He kicked back in his chair to read his Astronomy text. "Hey, Mione?" he whispered "How many Moons does Jupiter have? And how many Planets are there?"

"Some of that is a matter of opinion." She began to lecture automatically, blushed a bit then answered "Jupiter has fifteen Moons and the Solar System has nine Planets."

Harry nodded "Yup. That's about what I remember from Muggle school. How come this book says five Moons and eleven Planets?"

"What!?" she questioned, convinced she was victim of a prank. Then dropped her voice instantly "Harry, if you're joking with me, I will hex you."

Harry flippantly slid the oversized book to her "Here, see for yourself."

"Well, here's the reason." She said after a few minutes of flipping pages "This book identified Ceres, Vesta, Juno and Pollux are listed as Planets and Pluto is not here. Harry this book must be 200 years old. And…what are you doing? Are you even paying attention to me?"

Harry had rather lost interest, grinning at Daphne Greengrass. She was a pretty Slytherin that he noted never seemed in league with Draco Malfoy. Even more blatant was the way Hannah Abbott and Susan Bones who were all but drooling at him. "Excuse me, Mione. I think I need to spread the Chosen One around a bit." He offered while making an effort with his hair.

Hermione watched him, aghast. "How very rude!" she exclaimed in a whisper.

He was shamelessly flirting with three girls at once. Laughing when Hannah swatted his arm. Matching Daphne's eyeroll. And playfully swatting Susan's hair.

"Chosen One?" Hermione complained as she gathered her books "HMPF! INDEED!"


	65. Chapter 65:Looney

**Harry Does Different Zzq**

Looney

 _"_ _There's room in this one, there's only Loony Lovegood in here — Don't be silly, she's all right._ _" Said Ginny to Neville._

Harry introduced himself, then asked "Sorry. Didn't catch your name. What Ginny said didn't sound all that right."

"Luna Lovegood." The blonde witch held out her hand "And you're Harry Potter, of course. Ginevra said Looney. But I would think she knows how to pronounce my name as we have been neighbors and friends since 1982."

Harry worked through what the odd girl said and gave Ginny a cold look, then smiled "Well, it's nice to meet you, Luna. I imagine you know Ron. He WON'T call you looney. In fact, NO ONE here will. This is Neville Longbottom and Hermione Granger."

"Nice to meet you all." She said airily.

A few minutes passed of silence when Harry wanted to know "Wonder when we'll get moving."

"OH just as soon as the thestrals receive their instructions from Mr. Hagrid." Luna answered.

Harry gave a confused look and asked "Sorry? What are thestrals?"

"You only see thestrals if you've seen death." Luna answered. "They are like horses, but leathery, skeletal and sort of dark-reddish. If you can see them, they're pulling the coaches."

Ron, with all his usual tact, said "Nuthin there ya ditzy girl."

"Don't do that again, Ron." Harry ordered coldly.

To which, Ron snorted "A joke, mate."

"And you're reminding me of Malfoy at the moment." Harry shot back. At his friend's glare, he apologized "Sorry mate….I meant Snape."

Neville quietly chuckled to himself, while Ron looked more than a bit hostile. Ginny and Hermione had similar thoughtful, and wore 'leave me out of this' expressions.

"I see them, Luna!" said Harry, somewhat excitedly. Then "I can see them because of my parents."

She pat his knee and smiled sadly "It's alright Harry. I see them because of my Mum. She was trying to invent a new potion when it exploded. I was seven. I still have the scar on a rump. Would you care to see?"

"No no no, that's quite alright Luna." Harry most emphatically insisted "Really. Let's just get to the castle. Sorry about your Mum."

Luna smiled "Oh, don't worry, Harry Potter. We'll see them again. One day, we'll be with those we love. And they are never truly gone."

"You're an odd duck, Luna Lovegood." Said Harry, without any malice "But, I like you….Very much I think. Thanks."

As soon as the carriage stopped, Ginny stomped off not saying a word, or looking at her former fellow passengers. She met up with Dean Thomas.

Harry, meanwhile, walked and talked with Luna until she went to sit at the Ravenclaw table in the Great Hall.


	66. Chapter 66:Looney 3

[a/n] Some more with Luna

 **Harry Does Different Zzr**

Looney 2

Sneaking back late from spinning around the Quidditch pitch Harry was under his Invisibility Cloak waiting for Filch to turn a corner before proceeding. The Marauders' Map showed every step he took, but it showed something that surprised him. Now, don't assume the worst, Harry Potter wasn't one to disrupt a happily snogging couple. Nor did he get any vicarious pleasure watching two dots bump against each other. But, something odd caught his eye. "A single dot? In a broom closet?" he whispered.

So, against his normal mode of thought, Harry zoomed in and studied it closer. The Map read **BROOM CLOSET 2** **nd** **FL – LUNA LOVEGOOD** Holding back the urge to yank the door off its hinges, he tapped and called his friend's name. Nothing. He banged and still got nothing. Harder and called her name. Nope. Finally, he pulled his wand and fired an " _Alohamora_!"

The door swung open to reveal a very distressed, very naked, Luna Lovegood. The blonde witch was in tears "Please don't look Harry. I'm so ashamed."

"You have NOTHING to be ashamed about!" exclaimed Harry. He realized his double meaning, blushed and turned "Sorry, Luna, I didn't quite mean it that way. Not that….err…..well, I mean….Change of subject. What in the name of Godric Gryffindor happened to you? Why are you here?"

She sobbed "I don't want to talk about it. A-a-and i-it is a b-b-b-bit cold."

"This is an invisibility cloak." He offered to her, behind his turned back "Might not be real warm, but at least you won't be all –ahh-without."

Luna shook it out and declared "It is magnificent! Wherever did you get it?"

"First Year." Answered Harry "I got a Christmas present. First I can remember. The note said Your father left this in my care. It is time it was returned to you. It wasn't signed. I can think of half a dozen people it might have been."

Luna soaked in every word as she wrapped it around herself "I rather like being a disembodied head. Do you think I could go on Sir Nicolas' hunt? Harry, invisibility cloaks don't usually last more than five years. This must be a very special cloak. Would you, one day, show it to my Daddy?"

"Sure." He replied with a shrug "Anything someone else might know about it would be great. Come on let's get you where you belong."

Luna shrank away from him and timidly replied "No…. Harry…. Please don't. I can't. Don't take me back there. Please."

"Ravenclaw?" asked Harry doubtfully "Your own House did this."

Luna nodded meekly.

Harry stepped close to the floating head, rested a hand softly on an invisible shoulder and in a tone both kind and brutal declared "I will go in with you. I will get all of your property back. I will NOT leave you in Ravenclaw. And I swear by Merlin someone with have to through me to hurt you."

"Thank you." She answered, bright blue eyes shining with unshed tears.

Abcij

At the Ravenclaw Tower Harry firmly told Luna to open it. Given his experiences he didn't trust professors to handle this as he felt it needed to be. Luna reluctantly complied, not daring to argue with his expression. Luna's floating head entered her Common Room and Harry, wand coming out, followed close on her heels. His expression changed to one of rage as he entered.

It was quite a bit after curfew. Not a Ravenclaw was to be found. Prefects were already out on patrol, or asleep before their. The only eyes in the Common Room were those of the great bronze eagle mounted on a bright blue crest.

" _BOMBARDA_!" Harry yelled, pointing his wand at the centuries old display. And, while it had a good bit of magical protection, there just was not enough to withstand Harry's still building anger. His spell penetrated through leaving a hole with a splintered wall behind it.

The Ravenclaw ghost appeared with a thunderclap and screeched 'INTRUDERS!"

"Shut up!" Harry said, contemptuously "Or I'll breed another basilisk just to get rid of you!"

Luna looked utterly appalled "Harry! That's Helena Ravenclaw! AS in HER DAUGHTER!"

"Didn't know that." Admitted Harry, then continued glaring at the spirit "Right now, don't rightly care either. As House Ghosts go, you're pretty much a failure, aren't you? One of 'your own' bullied, assaulted, left to die as far as your house is concerned. _BOMBARDA_! _BOMBARDA_! _BOMBARDA MAXIMA_!"

The girls' steps were blasted, same for the boys. You could navigate them if you were careful. A table and two soft chairs had been reduced to kindling. The last spell ripped half the roof off Ravenclaw Tower.

"Hmmmm…. Wonder if that was a step too far." Harry said more to himself.

Luna offered "Ya think?"

Ravenclaws began flooding their devastated common room and were all disarmed as soon as they were visible. Until, somewhere in the middle of the crowd, Professor Flitwick appeared. The part goblin stopped the misbehaving student with little effort "NOW MR. POTTER!" he screeched "I WILL SEE YOU EXPELLED FOR THIS-THIS ACT OF UTTER DESTRUCTION!"

"Eh…I've heard that from Snivilus since 1991." Harry retorted. Yes, he belatedly realized he MAY have gone too far. That said, he'd already committed himself. And he was still furious at Luna's abuse. So on he went "And you suck as much as he does."

Curiosity got the better of the Head of Ravenclaw "You have been one of my better students-"

"Best if the number of Ravenclaws I took out is any indication." Harry interrupted.

A student had interrupted him! In his House no less! That is the parts of his House still standing! Only his decades of teaching kept him from doing to the boy exactly what the boy did to his tower. In a calm tone that belied his real mood, Filius asked "And, what, precisely, Mr. Potter have I, Ravenclaw, and Helena done to earn your anger?"

"I guess you haven't noticed the floating head in the room, have you, _professor_?" his tone was spiteful, but his expression softened toward Luna "If you're so great why have you let this happen!?"

The small professor gave a partial shrug and wanted to know "What do you mean?"

"I suppose, to keep Harry out of trouble, I will have to explain." Said Luna, sadly. And she went on to list every incident, every dirty insult, all her missing possessions. She moved the cloak strategically to show her Head bruises and cuts inflicted on her. More to the point, a Lovegood family gift [a curse to the abused girl] enabled her to name every single bully and/or thief. It was not hard for anyone to note that easily the majority of them were Ravenclaws.

Harry gave her a hug, then addressed the assembled House "McGonagall told us, first day, your house is like your family. Good job all of you. Did a great one reminding me of my relatives. Flitwick… get your little arse in gear…get Luna's stuff back. She can't stay dressed in my cloak forever. And if anything is missing or Luna has say…an accident…. I'll Avada every person in this sewer of a House. Ghosts too."

Abcij

Some days later, and it had not been pleasant at Hogwarts, two Heads and two students were in the Headmaster's office. "Every item of Miss Lovegood's has been returned." Albus was summing up "Xeno, I do wish to apologize on behalf of Hogwarts for the abuse your daughter was subject to."

"Myself as well." Flitwick offered. "I do wish that your daughter had come to me for help before someone had to nearly destroy my tower to do it."

McGonagall put in "Mr. Potter need not have done so if he had merely come to one of us."

"Yeah, you got such a great track record with bullies and listening to me." Harry sneered "First Year, I told you about Quirrell, although we thought it was Snivilus."

Dumbledore interrupted "That will be ten points from Gryffindor. Refer to Professor Snape properly."

"Snivilus Snivilus Snivilus Snivilus Snivilus Snivilus Snivilus Snivilus Snivilus Snivilus!" Harry rattled off, rather childishly. .Then he continued "Second Year most of the school tormenting me with the Heir shit. Third Year you idiots thought Dementors were a good idea. And they did their job so well we had to face an alleged mass murderer alone. By the way, done anything to clear Sirius yet? Probably not. And the Tournement? Well, a Fourth Year forced to compete and the only professor help I got was a Death Eater. None of you did shite about the Potter Stinks badges. I should've banished the whole lot of them up Malfoy's arse."

The Head of Gryffindor was displeased to say the least "Is your little tirade finished, Potter?"

"Enough, Minerva, that for another time." Said Dumbledore "Harry, I have here an invoice for the repairs to Ravenclaw Tower. The exact amount is 85,219 Galleons 14 Sickles 3 Knuts. I will be billing your trust vault for these expenses."

Xeno, largely content to sit back until this point spoke up "Completely unacceptable, Headmaster."

"You would suggest a child be allowed to get away with a temper tantrum that led to nine students being hospitalized and the near destruction of a quarter of this castle?!" Flitwick demanded.

Luna's father bore down on the Head of Ravenclaw. From his nearly seven feet in height, he answered "You are under the impression I care about the health of abusers, **shorty**!"

Harry found that worthy of a snort of amusement.

"Come Xeno, they are merely children after all." Dumbledore opined.

If anything, he seemed taller when he retorted "To you, I am Mister Lovegood. And I was not finished. The Lovegood family proudly backs its friends, and most especially such a loyal friend as Harry has shown himself to be. I have incurred substantial damages regarding this situation and my daughter is certainly entitled to some professional help to recover from the abuse she suffered. I have totaled these costs and, curiously the total is 85,220 Galleons 15 Sickles 4 Knuts. Is that about right Moonbeam?"

"Yes Daddy." Luna answered with her usual smile

Harry was quick on the uptake "Thank you Mr. Lovegood."

"My pleasure, and please call me Xeno, You've earned the right." He gave a half-bow "And, just to make sure we're clear, Dumbledore, I'm not requiring expulsions- or firings-today. I trust we understand each other."


	67. Chapter 67:Looney 4

**Harry Does Different Zzs**

Looney 4

"A date! Tha bloody hell is wrong with Slughorn?!" a panicky Harry Potter shouted. From the moment the Potions Professor sent the invitations he'd been on edge. He marched out onto the Quidditch pitch and let out an " **ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH**!"

Some hours later, Luna Lovegood was skipping through the halls on her way to lunch. She stopped and asked "You seem to have a Wrackspurt infection, Harry? Is there something I can do to help?"

"Sorry Luna, but can I ask, what is a …errr…what did you call? Wrackspurt?" he asked in a rather confused manner.

She tilted her head and blinked "Wrackspurts are tiny creatures attracted to magical brain waves." She explained "When a person is troubled their mental shields weaken, allowing Wrackspurts to enter through the ears or nose. As their numbers increase the victim's thoughts become fuzzy."

"Never heard of them." Said a rather fuzzy looking Harry "Sorry. Not to be rude, but are you sure about them?"

Luna smiled at him and answered "Most definitely. _The Quibbler_ posted an expose detailing their taxonomy, habits and diet in 1987."

"Oh. I didn't know about magic then." A still more fuzzy Harry commented "Sorry. Do you think I might be able to read about them?"

Her smile practically popped off her face "OH! I will be glad to!" she exclaimed "You are a truth seeker in the best sense!"

"If you say so." Harry felt he was getting in over his head "But, anyway, I was wondering …. Hoping that is… Would you do me a favor?"

The blonde witch contemplated her answer while scratching her ear with her wand "Well, I cannot promise anything Harry Potter until I at least know what favor you are asking. Would you ask your question? I promise to fairly consider your request in light of our past together."

"Oooooook." He had to process that a bit before asking "I don't know if you know about Professor Slughorn's party? But, he… his…. invitations says and I quote _Couples are expected_. So, I was hoping you'd go with me?"

Luna seemed to be absent while she considered.

Harry offered "Well…as friends…of course."

"Oh. I suppose." She finally replied.

During the coming days, and, finally during Slughorn's party he would wonder what his odd friend meant by the way she answered. Especially when she wore that yellow dress. "You look so beautiful, Luna. Can I kiss you?"


	68. Chapter 68:Mrs Finnegan

**Harry Does Different Zzt**

Mrs. Finnegan

"I almost didn't come back this year." Said the Irish Gryffindor, glaring at Harry.

Not a single student mistook the tone or the target. Harry sarcastically asked "Oh? And why is that Finnegan?"

"I guess it has to do with the LIES coming out of Hogwarts." Seamus hopped off the bench and approached.

Harry gave a disgusted snort and retorted "Well, I guess your bitch Mummy is almost as stupid as you."

"Come on Harry." Ron surprisingly acting as a defuser, tried to direct Harry upstairs.

Furious, Seamus half pulled his wand and yelled "No one has a go at me Mam!"

Pushing his friend's hand off his shoulder, Harry took up the challenge "Go ahead, pull the wand. I dare you. No. I double dare you. You don't have the balls."

"Reducto!" bellowed Seamus, enraged. His aim, however, left much to be desired. His target didn't even have to move out of the way. Too bad for a nearby leather chair, which promptly exploded into pieces that flew everywhere. Nobody was harmed, it was just a mess.

The noise brought Professor McGonagall who demanded "What is going on here!" And, after being offered various versions in public ordered "Mr. Finnegan, Mr. Potter, my office immediately."

"Yes Professor," both boys said and followed their Head of House.

After seating herself at her desk, Minerva lectured "I am not wasting my time with how disappointed I am. You will both serve detention and be billed for the destruction of school property."

"But he insulted me mam!" Seamus protested.

Harry was even less verbose, simply answering "No."

"This was not a request, children." The senior witch replied coldly "This is a professor disciplining unacceptable behavior. To bed, both of you. March! I will be writing both of your families regarding replacement costs."

Seamus looked worried as the two Fifth Years left. Harry just shook his head. He knew full well the Dursleys wouldn't care and they DEFINITELY would NOT pay for anything Hogwarts related.

Abcij

A few weeks later Halloween was approaching too fast for Harry's liking. All his friends were careful with their words as the date crept up. His mood was dark and sullen, but his eyes bulged when an owl with a bright red envelop landed beside him.

"Look everyone! Potter's got himself a Howler!" Seamus exclaimed gleefully.

Harry glared at his in-House enemy, then at the brown owl. He swatted at it and snarled "Beat it ya bloody pidgeon!" Needless to say, he didn't offer it a treat.

"HARRY POTTER!" the letter screeched in a female voice "YOU DEADBEAT LITTLE SNOT! EXACTLY WHERE DO YOU COME OFF NOT PAYING YOUR BILLS! THE NERVE! HOGWARTS WANTS US TO PAY FOR ALL OF THE CHAIR YOU WERE RESPONSIBLE FOR! IF I WAS LILY POTTER I WOULD DISOWN YOU!" And the letter shredded itself.

Hermione squeezed his knee under the table and said, a bit fearfully "Harry, please…don't."

"Butt out." Said Harry in a calmly dangerous tone, then to Seamus "Hey Finnegan she's a right cunt, ain't she? You know, the cow who sent that?"

Seamus' righteous Irish temper went right through the roof in about the time it takes Hagrid to give a silly name to a killing machine of a creature. He leapt over the table, hands seeking Harry's throat, with an incoherent scream. But his attack met a long practiced 'Harry hunting' veteran. No one was where he aimed his assault. He crashed to the floor. And, unlike how Harry merely hid from his cousin's gang, he dished out punishment - planted his knee right in his fellow Gryffindor's spine - repeatedly. Until a precisely aimed stunner from Professor Flitwick ended his reprisal.

Abcij

The final act of this whole sorry affair occurred the next morning when both of Seamus' parents visited their son in the hospital wing. Seamus was laying on his stomach, as he had all night long, too tired to do more than whimper in spite of the agony of Skelegrowth potion repairing his backbone. He was, as yet, paralyzed below the neck.

"You're sure, Madam Pomfrey?" asked Mr. Finnegan, worriedly.

The Mediwitch nodded reassuredly "Absolutely. Our treatments are completely reliable. Your son's spine will be whole by tomorrow and he should be on his feet by Monday."

"Can't you do anything for the pain?" an alarmed Mrs. Finnegan asked "Or to at least help his sleep?" She was busying herself comfortingly running her fingers through her wounded son's hair.

Poppy sighed "Unfortunately, no. Any pain or sleeping potion would affect the treatment. Or worse."

"Well, then, I think it is time to deal with the perpetrator of this heinous crime." Said Mr. Finnegan.

Poppy Pomfrey sighed to herself, not really liking the derogatory reference to one of her favorite patients. She neutrally offered "I'll leave you to your visit. Seamus needs another draught in an hour. Professor Dumbledore will be at lunch in the Great Hall shortly. I am sure you remember the way."

Abcij

"Well well well look who's here." Harry observed, dropping a piece of bacon he was about to eat.

Ron continued to drink from his glass while peering past its rim. Hermione, on the other hand was instantly alert "Come on Harry." She urged "Don't do anything stupid."

"Who me?" asked Harry, now openly glaring at Seamus' parents, especially Mrs. Finnegan. He starts for the Head Table, quite ignoring the gathering silence and the eyes following him. Hermione pulled her wand and discretely followed her friend. By the time he got there introductions had begun.

Dumbledore was most welcoming "Greetings Madonna. The last time you were here, you were a Goyle. Most rare for a Muggle to visit but you are most welcome, Mr. Finnegan. I do apologize for the circumstances."

"Thank you Professor." She replied coolly "My husband Russell. I believe we have a great deal to discuss. For example, why is this little bastard still in this school."

Harry heard that and his already short temper went off. He retorted sarcastically "My parents were married when I was conceived. How about you? Whore?"

"Why you!" Seamus' mother exclaimed and instantly swung on him.

Not expecting the attack, it connected with Harry's cheek instantly raising angry red marks in the shape of fingers. However, the hand didn't go far. He caught it a split second after it connected, squeezed bent and twisted. Then still holding it, punched her in the side of the head.

"Hey now!" Mr. Finnegan protested and charged as his wife staggered.

Hermione struck in defense of her friend " _Petrificus Totalis_!"

"Ouch!" Neville Longbottom opined in sympathy "So that's what that looks like." He'd only stood to watch, not participate.

Harry heard the thump and smiled "Thanks Hermione."

"That was uncalled for and unprovoked, Harry." Dumbledore scolded him "You will apolo-"

Partially recovered, Madonna Finnegan whipped out her wand and hatefully yelled the Killing Curse " _Avada Kedavra_!"

"HARRY!" a horrified Hermione cried "DUCKKKKKKKKKKKK!"

Distracted, his normally lightning Seeker reflexes just were not fast enough. The green spell enveloped him. Now after the Crouch taught DADA class, most students had a familiarity with how the spell was supposed to behave. And this was not it. Harry didn't simply drop dead. He screamed in agony, fell to his knees, wheezed then passed out. Then the green glow seemed to gather itself up and strike the witch who cast it. Likewise, Madonna Finnegan screamed in unendurable pain. Only in this case, it literally tore her body to gory shreds. When it was over everyone knew there was at least one death.

"He's still breathing, sir!" a concerned Hermione exclaimed. "But, look! He has a SECOND lightning bolt scar."

About then, her spell on Russell Finnegan ended and he growled "What about my wife!"

"Got what she deserved you stupid Muggle." Snapped Ron "She tried to murder Harry. Sodding bitch!"

Abcij

Harry fought through a haze of pain, partially opened his eyes and groaned "Owwwwwwwwwww!"

"Madam Pomfrey!" yelled Ron "He's awake!"

The boy in the bed swung on his friend "Not so loud ya git. I feel like my head's gonna fall off. Owwwwwww! Anyone get the number of that basilisk?"

"What basilisk, Harry?" Hermione wanted to know.

Forcing his eyelids open, he replied "The one that ran over me." He held out a hand and waggled his fingers.

"Only you Harry." She sighed, part amused, part annoyed; she went on to explain "Sorry your glasses were damaged. One lens is broke and the frame is all bent."

He took them from her, closed his right eye and peered through the unbroken left lens "That'll do for now. So?"

"Seamus' Mum Avada'd you." Answered Ron, bluntly.

Hermione rolled her eyes "Way to go! Bull in a china shop!"

"Felt more like a crucio." Harry recalled, "And my head feels like Buckbeat stepped on it."

Handing him a mirror, Hermione offered "You have a new scar. Just like your old one."

"There is no easy way to say this, Harry." Professor Dumbledore came in after a few minutes of quiet "Your friend's mother is dead."

To which Harry shrugged "Finnegan stopped being my friend when he called me a liar."

"Mr. Potter!" Professor McGonagall exploded "I should think you would feel a bit of compassion!"

Harry gave her a dirty look "The bitch cast an Unforgivable at me. Same one Voldemort used. Right?"

Ron and Hermione both looked uncomfortable. The professors were decidedly disapproving and Dumbledore said so "Surely you are not comparing a young woman to a Dark Lord, are you Harry?"

"Madam Pomfrey!" Harry suddenly called out, not taking his glare off the Headmaster. And when the mediwitch appeared, the teen said "I'm suddenly feeling….fatigued…. and it is way too crowded for me to sleep." Then he closed his eyes and deliberately ignored everything said to him until he fell asleep.


	69. Chapter 69:Ginny's Diary

[a/n]delia cerrano chapter 67 Yellow dress? She wore it in the movies during Bill's wedding. And, imo, she looked very good. Easy to find pics of her with a search.

[a/n2]Time for fluff

 **Harry Does Different Zzu**

Ginny's Diary

Harry Potter was almost sure he was about to do the right thing. He'd bought the gift while staying at Privet Dr. He didn't know exactly when Ginny's birthday was, but looking over at the lonely figure sitting on the window sill, there seemed to be no time like the present. Without a word, he walked up to his room.

"I'm sorry Harry." Ginny Weasley apologized quietly, miserably. Seeing Charlie had been good for her. Being in Hogwarts where she had no friends, was beginning to weigh on her.

When he returned, Harry put up a very mild repulsion charm and sat beside her "How you doing? Sorry…. Stupid question."

"Don't be." She sighed "I am pretty stupid. Not to be rude, but wouldn't you rather be with your friends?"

To which Harry offered "Kinda hope I am." He wasn't the type to initiate a hug. In fact he wasn't even aware the young witch needed one.

"I've never properly thanked you for what you did." She said "I don't know if I even can. Other than to say it, that is. But it doesn't seem enough."

He sat quietly for a bit then answered "I've heard people say it was nothing. But, I don't like that. How about? You're welcome. Anyway, I don't know when your birthday is."

"I spent it in Egypt with Charlie." She answered.

"I missed it then. Sorry. I have something for you." He offered a wrapped package. He didn't notice the frown when she opened it. "I saw it in a muggle store, thought it was nicer than the one you had last year. And since it's me that ruined that I figured I should get you a new one."

She looked at the book that was so similar in intent, even if it didn't look the same. "I don't know Harry."

"I promise you as far as I know it's as unmagical as your Dad's shed." He continued "It's ok though, ask McGonagall or Dumbledore to look it over. I even made the first couple entries to test it myself. I won't mind."

She nodded, read the entries Harry made and they quickly evoked the whole range of emotions.

9/1/1991 – Met Harry Potter. He was bloody amazing!

8/22/1992 – Stuck my elbow in a butter dish. Mum took away my allowance to pay for it.

8/27/1992 – Met Lucius and Draco Malfoy. Bloody couple of gits.

9/-/1992 – Made the mistake of writing to Tom.

9/92 – 6/93 – Bravely fought Voldemort.

6/15/1993 – Lost the battle. But won the war. Made a new friend.

"Thank you, Harry." She sniffed a bit "But no, Mum DID NOT take away my allowance!"

He deadpanned at her "I would have. Poor butter dish." He held a sour look for a few seconds, then chuckled. "Happy Birthday Ginny. Good night."


	70. Chapter 70:Imperio

**Harry Does Different Zzv**

Imperio

"The ministry apparently thinks you should not know these this!" Professor Moody paused in his speech "Well hippogriff shit! Who knows about the Unforgivables? Granger!"

The young witch gulped.

He called on Ron "Weasley!"

"My Dad told me about the Imperius." The redhead wizard answered.

Moody grinned nastily "Yes your Father would know that one. Potter! Let's give you a try. _Imperio_! Now climb on that desk."

"Climb on that desk." Harry repeated robotically and obeyed. But stopped when he was just on the chair. Then he countered, scrunching his eyes tightly he shot back "No!"

Annoyed, the disguised Death Eater recast " _Imperio_! Get up there boy!"

"Why don't you get up there!" growled Harry through the link that had been opened between their minds and when after wavering, repeated forcefully "Go on! DO IT! Now do a flip in the air and land on your head!"

The class was shocked when the professor obeyed. But obey he did. There was a sickening crunch as the man's neck snapped like a twig. Hermione was the first to cry "Harry! He's dead! You killed a teacher!"

"He wasn't in your head!" Harry snarled "He felt dirty! Evil! Like Voldemort!"

Draco Malfoy came running in "See! Professor! SEE!" with Flitwick, the closest classroom, on his heels "Potter murdered Moody!"

"He is dead. That is apparent. All of you report to the Great Hall, except you Potter." The Charms Professor ordered "You will follow me while I transport the professor to the Hospital Wing and thence to the Headmaster's office. Wand."

abcij

Harry complied in shock. But by the time they reached Madam Pomfrey, something odd was happening to the unconscious professor. Harry recognized the developing transformation instantly, declaring "That's Polyjuice potion, that is."

"Look at his arm!" a shocked Madam Pomfrey exclaimed. The mediwitch pushed up the body's sleeve to reveal the Dark Mark. And she instantly noted "THAT is not Mad-Eye Moody."

Dumbledore arrived, looking grim "Harry, I am most disappointed. While there was certainly a justification for defense. You did go too-"

"Thank you Harry." The teenage wizard sneered, turning his back and walking out "Thank you Harry for saving me from my own incompetence. Thank you Harry for getting rid of a Death Eater."


	71. Chapter 71:I Trust Severus

**Harry Does Different Zzw**

I Trust Severus

"You're going to fight? I want to fight, I want to join." Demanded Harry.

Mrs. Weasley fussed "Of course you can not Harry. You're just a boy. Leave it to the adults."

"No offense ma'am, but it didn't work out so well last time, did it?" he pointed out.

Sirius nodded in support, but Snape sneered "Yet again letting his celebrity go to his head."

"And what is he doing here anyway?" Harry complained.

To which, at first there was an undercurrent of disapproval of a child sassing his elders. The main and authoritative response however came from the Headmaster "Let be, Severus. And, Harry, Professor Snape has my complete confidence."

"Well bully for him." Retorted Harry "But he doesn't have mine. And, to be honest, neither do you. Why don't you start answering some of my questions? Me, Ron and Hermione have done more to stop Voldemort coming back than all you adults put together. No offense, Sirius, you couldn't do much from Azkaban."

Most of the adults, with notable exceptions, in Grimmauld's kitchen took instant offense. Remus being one "I don't say you do not have a valid point or two, Harry. Even you must admit you've sometimes been just plain lucky."

"Voldemort's soul, Tom's diary, a Basilisk, Pettigrew, Voldemort and Pettigrew again, Dragon, Grindylows, Merpeople, then about a dozen Death Eaters. And I'm still going strong." He briefly listed, paused to take a breath "Acromantulas, rouge bl-"

Dumbledore interrupted "You make a compelling case, Harry." He offered "That said, you are quite young. I might consider answering some of your questions."

"And trust you to determine what I need to know? Or not?" asked Harry, fully annoyed "You'll have to do better than that Dumbledore."

Mrs. Weasley interjected "Come now, Harry. That's no way to speak to the Headmaster."

"This isn't a school matter, Mrs. Weasley." He replied as politely as he could "This is far more important." He chose to ignore the gasp coming from Hermione.

Putting a restraining hand on an apoplectic Potions Master, Albus said "As I said Harry, I shall be glad to widen your knowledge. Why not start with a couple of your questions?"

"Let's start with trust." Said Harry "Question Snape under Veratiserum."

The demand echoed across the table. A silent smirk appeared on Sirius' face. Remus looked pleased, but less so. Moody chuckled darkly. Mrs. Weasley jumped in her usual way to his defense "Harry, now it is not for you to question Professor Snape, he is a Hogwarts teacher."

"With all due respect, Mrs. Weasley, first we're not at Hogwarts at the moment." Harry began "And being a Hogwarts professor is no guarantee. Quirrell was, so was Lockhart. We had a Death Eater for a Defense teacher Fourth Year, but come to think of it he was better than Quirrell or Lockhart. I want to know who to trust."

This, of course, was unacceptable to Albus. He needed to delay "How about we consider the opinions of the rest of the Order?" he suggested with a twinkle of the eye.

Harry bent a bit in the face of that "Snape can stay for now then. But I'll personally never trust him without the Veratiserum."

"Your permission is neither required nor desired Potter." The maligned professor sneered "And I will not forget this in school."

Sirius' Animagus personality came out in a snarl "Are you threatening my Godson?"

"You still have a Kiss on Sight order on you, Black." He pointed out "It would be a shame if someone …. Anonymously, of course, let it slip. Like the unfortunate occurrence with Lupin's teaching career."

A sharp burst of noise came from Dumbledore's wand forcibly got everyone's undivided attention "Enough backtalk!" he scolded them all "Now, Harry, can we move to a different topic?"

"Fine. I want to know, who betrayed my parents? Not talking about Pettigrew. I mean who gave Voldemort the Prophecy?" Harry demanded "I want his or her head."

Internally, behind his ancient face, Dumbledore was horrified. This was an impossible situation. He gave his most grandfatherly look of disappointment "Are you ordering a murder, Harry?" he asked sadly "Are you emulating Tom?"

"Murder, Albus?" asked Harry coolly "I remember a TV show. Three men robbed a bank, two of them entered one drove the getaway car. During the robbery a teller was killed. What would you do to the driver?"

Sirius nodded, as did Remus "We agree with Harry." They declared in the same voice.

"Harry, you are entirely too emotionally involved in this." Said Dumbledore "And I certainly expected something better than vigilante justice from two grown men. Shame on you Sirius, Remus."

Having heard enough, Harry fired a _Reducto_ at a chair blasting it to splinters "Shut up all of you!" he shouted. And when he had everyone's undivided attention, he added "You know what? Fine. Here's the deal. We'll trust your precious Snivilus if - IF - you tell us who overheard the Prophecy."

"I will" the Headmaster started ….


	72. Chapter 72:No Thanks

**Harry Does Different Zzw**

No Thanks

"Harry Potter!" Headmaster Dumbledore called out after reading the slip of paper.

The green-eyed wizard looked up in shock and yelled back "I didn't enter! So! NO THANKS!"

"Mr. Potter! I am very disappointed in you!" Professor McGonagall scolded "Never mind disrupting this ceremony! That will be twenty points from Gryffindor. Screaming at your Headmaster is utterly unacceptable! An additional fifty points and detention until the end of the semester!"

The House was furious. All of Gryffindor booed and hissed Harry. They just lost two-thirds of their accumulated points. He suffered a food and drink assault before casting " _Protego_!" Things rebounded hitting other students.

"Drop that shield, Potter!" ordered Snape.

Harry, still being bombarded, yelled "Screw you, Snivilus!" and recast " _Protego_!" That wiped out Gryffindor's point total. Of course it eventually ended.

"Now, Harry, come along." Dumbledore waved his hands expectantly "We will discuss this matter."

Actually spitting in the Headmaster's direction, he replied voice dripping with sarcasm "What part of NO THANKS didn't you understand, huh? Talk! Here! Now!"

"Just what the bloody hell is going on out here, Dumbledore!" Ministry Representative Barty Crouch Sr. complained as he stomped out "We have a Tournament to start. What is the delay?"

Offering a beatific smile, the headmaster answered "Nothing serious Bartimus, a minor matter involving a fourth participant."

"Hello? Are you deaf and stupid?" a rapidly exploding Harry protested "I swear to God I didn't enter my name! And I don't want to participate! And I WON'T!"

Everyone in the Hall gasped when a gold glow briefly surrounded him, then faded.

"That appears to settle that, Professor." McGonagall commented, looking at her boss.

Harry offered a disgusted snort and walked out.


	73. Chapter 73:Black Lake Ice

**Harry Does Different Zzx**

Black Lake Ice

Harry looked into the fireplace and told his Godfather "Sirius, it's merpeople in the Lake here. They kidnapped a hostage for all of us. Dumbledore says they'll be safe for the hour it should take. They took Ron for me and Hermione for Krum. I don't know anything that would enable me to breathe for an hour under water."

"I have two spells for you, Harry." Sirius replied after a few minutes "One simple, barely any magic, just hold your wand in your palm and say point me, and what you're looking for, in this case … Ron. It will point exactly where he is in the lake. The second will take a lot of power, but you should have it. Especially since you're a Black by blood. Put the tip of your wand in the water and cast _Negris Loch Frigia Maxima_. It will freeze the entire lake solid in seconds."

That worried the teen "Not a good idea, Sirius! That'll also freeze the hostages!"

"If it doesn't hurt them to be under a couple hundred feet of water, then a little extra cold won't either." Sirius pointed out "Albus would've put them into a stasis spell."

Harry's mind, free of worry, leapt ahead "Then a slicing spell to cut the ice and a _Wingardium Leviosa_ lifts them out. Err… cool…. But seems like cheating… err isn't it?"

"Please tell me, Godson of mine, exactly where and when ANYONE gave you a rulebook to follow." The Marauder pointed out with a smirk easily visible even in the coals.

Harry's only answer was a belly laugh.

***Three days later

"You could try Gillyweed." Suggested Neville Longbottom "It grows gills on air breathers like us."

Harry took the rather unpleasant looking green goo from his friend and said "Thanks Nev. I do have a plan, but it never hurts to have a backup plan."

"No problem. Glad I could help." His fellow Gryffindor replied.

***Black Lake

All the Champions were already there, in assorted swimwear. Harry approached in his dress robes from the Yule Ball strutting as Sirius had suggested.

The gathered students looked at him in shock. Noise dropped from raucous to utter silence. Eyes followed his every step until he stood beside his fellow competitors.

"Are you…ahh…ready? Harry?" a doubtful Headmaster asked.

Harry made a show of brushing dust off his robes, straightening his bow tie and checking his shoes before answering "Yup. Now I am. Whenever you are, Professor."

"Very well, then." The Headmaster of Hogwarts touched his wand to his neck and announced "Champions! Guests! Friends! Something very special to each of our Champions has been taken. They have one hour to retrieve their prize which is at the bottom of the Black Lake. But, remember, they only have sixty minutes to complete this task. 5….4….3….2…1 BEGIN!"

Fleur Delacour of Beauxbatons smoothly slipped into the water, followed momentarily by Cedric Diggory of Hufflepuff after he cast a spell on himself and Victor Krum closed his eyes whispered something before entering the water.

Harry, on the other hand, walked over to where the Patil twins were and addressed them "I've told someone I trust a great deal about The Yule Ball." He said charmingly "And my friend told me I behaved very poorly that night. Then he proceeded to tell me how, and why, in great detail. Please accept my apologies and let me know what I can do to right the wrong."

"Thank you Harry." The sisters said as one "We'll think about it. Apology accepted. But you did make our night rather unpleasant."

He sighed "I know. And I am sorry. Really."

"Mr. Potter! Time's awasting!" Mr. Crouch complained "Hop to it!" There was still 55 minutes on the clock.

After a dramatic roll of his eyes, he huffed "Girls, excuse me. HOW RUDE! Okay okay I'm coming I'm coming." Harry, smirking, strolled over to the edge of the platform and with a flourish, flipped off his luxurious cape and folded it. He handed it to a nearby Second Year and thanked her. Then he sat at the water's edge and transfigured his shoes into ice skates, utterly baffling the crowd. He paused to wink at the Weasley twins and incidentally, Ginny who blushed. He drew his wand, stuck it in the water and cast " _Negris Loch Frigia Maxima!"_

Ice spread from Harry's wand in an ever expanding circle. Soon the lakeshore was frozen. As the circle spread, the ice also went deeper into the water. By the 50 minute mark, it was complete and a bit of a chill went up Harry's arm, he yanked it away.

"CHEAT! CHEAT!" Madam Maxine and Headmaster Karkaroff both screamed.

Harry smirked "Beg pardon, where in the rulebook is that? Mr. Crouch? Professor Dumbledore? Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to rescue the hostages and I ain't a great skater. _Pointme_." He proceeded to wobble on the blades of his transfigured shoes.

The argument went on among the Triwizard administrators. Slowly fading in the distance. The spectators watched a red beam leave Harry's wand and enter the ice. They could see him moving his body this way and that, changing how the beam cut in. Soon he was done and a massive, oddly shaped chunk of ice was levitated out of the lake. Ahead of the somewhat unsteadily skating Champion the ice approached and eventually bumped the platform.

"Now, let's see." Harry began examining the chunk, and began slicing pieces, announcing "Ron" slice "Err Merman" slice "Another Merman" slice "Cho Chang" slice "Hermione" slice "Merman" slice "Must be Viktor" slice "Cedric" slice "4 Mermen" slice "she must be Fleur's sister" slice "ewww… Grindylows" slice "Fleur."

The whole process of thawing and reviving both hostages and competitors took a few more minutes, but all told, by the time everyone was drinking hot chocolate there was still 17 minutes to spare. A new Triwizard record. The majority of the spectators were looking upon Harry with displeasure, but he got hugs and kisses on the cheek from Hermione and a girl who introduced herself as Gabby. Then, surprisingly, one from Fleur. Ron, teeth chattering, grinned "Thanks mate." Other than freezing the Lake, no one saw a spell any Second Year wouldn't know.

"Who needs hot chocolate?" asked Harry with a stupid grin on his face.

Dumbledore finally looked up from the deliberations, pointed his wand at the Lake and silently cast a spell that melted every last bit of ice restoring it to normal almost instantly, then spoke "To Fleur Delacour, Viktor Krum and Cedric Diggory we award a combined 20 points each as none could complete their task due to Mr. Potter's solution to the problem presented. To Harry Potter we award 22 points as the only Champion to rescue not only his hostage, but essentially every participant. The final task will be June 6. Thank you for your interest."


	74. Chapter 74:Maze of Fire

[a/n] A sequel to Black Lake Ice

 **Harry Does Different Zzz**

Maze of Fire

"They turned everything around the Quidditch Pitch into a huge maze, Padfoot." The Gryfifndor Champion told his Godfather, speaking into the fireplace.

Ron acknowledged "It's true. There're hedges just everywhere. They're ten feet high and thorned. Bloody thing's a deathtrap."

"Thanks Ron." Harry snipped, sarcastically "I really need you sounding like Trelawney." The friends glared at each other.

Hermione interrupted the staring duel by saying "And they have to enter it and brooms won't be able to fly out of the hedge rows. There's no way through."

"My my my, interesting." The Marauder cogitated "The broom would still be useful if you knew exactly how to get through it anyway. So I'd suggest shrinking it and keeping to on hand. Buuuuuuutttt, wait…. Why run yourself ragged when you don't have to?" he cackled gleefully.

To which the trio asked as one "What are you thinking!?"

"Well… the spell is classed dark by the Ministry… but that's because it is slightly dangerous. Well, okay I'm fibbing, Voldemort's crew loved it because it's hard to contain. But with the amount of hedges you're talking about, it'll burn itself out." Sirius explained "Now don't cast this in the open air, jam your wand into the hedges and cast Fiendfyre! It'll burn the maze to ashes."

Hermione looked doubtful "Sounds too dangerous. How much could it destroy?"

"That's exactly why I told him to push his wand into the hedges." answered Sirius "The spell burns through wherever the most fuel is. Thick, high piles of leaves and wood? You might even need to cast it more than once before you get to the end of the maze."

"Then on a broom I can just fly to the Cup practically before the rest of the Champions even get a start!" exclaimed Harry, thrilled that he could even win the Tournament.

Sirius let out a barking laugh "That's the spirit Prongslet! That's the spirit!"

"Thanks Padfoot-" he began, but abruptly cut himself off "- sorry! Gotta go!" he waved his wand and the floo connection was severed. A split second later he added "Mischief Managed!" and folded the Map.

A second later two sets of feet landed at the bottom of the steps. A pair of redheads landed and stopped the escape of the younger three. George started "We heard something"

"of great interest" Fred continued

G "to notable pranksters."

F "What do you three"

G "know about"

F "Padfoot?"

"Errrrrrrr…." The trio stammered at Ron's older brothers "N-n-nothing."

F "You"

G "lie!"

F "And badly."

G "Look up."

The trio sighed defeatedly. There was something like a human ear attached to the Common Room's ceiling. Harry finally said "Yeah, we know the Marauders. But, you ABSOLUTELY MUST KEEP IT SECRET!"

G "Oh absolutely!"

F "Prankster's promise!"

"Agreed." Said Harry, then he slowly began to smirk.

All three Weasleys as well as Hermione looked at him quizzically "What are you thinking Harry?" she spoke for herself and the boys.

"It occurs to me…" he began slyly "We know something they don't. And want. REAL bad."

Once that was explained, Ron had to giggle, it quickly turned into a fit. When it clicked for Hermione she commented "Harry, you're mean!"

"I know. Doncha just love it?" he retorted. "Let's have a bit of fun with their little minds, huh?"

The twins glared at him "Little?"

G "Look who's"

F "talking, shorty?"

"Bad boys. Now you're not getting it that easy." Said Harry, giving Fred a shoulder poke "Let's see how smart you are to start out. Yes, we were talking to Padfoot."

Hermione hissed "Careful!"

"Don't worry." He assured her "You won't learn his identity tonight under any circumstances. But if you heard the conversation you heard him call me Prongslet. What does that mean to you? Quiet! Ron! Hermione!" Both his friends bit their tongues and grew smirks similar to Harry's.

The twins looked at each other, at first outraged that a secret like this would be known by "Ickle ones wanna play with the big boys, huh?"

"Ickle Harry has information Ickle Freddy and Ickle Georgy want." Ron snickered "This is fun!"

The twins were deep in thought "Prongslet. Prongslet? Prongs - Let. Watch it Ickle Ronnikins. You're not off the prank list. So Prongslet means, little Prongs, Son of Prongs? YES! SON OF PRONGS!" they were thrilled.

"Correct." Said Hermione in teacher mode "Now off you go."

Fred whined "Ohhhh Granger!"

"Not fairrrrrrrrrr!" George allowed his lower lip to sag out.

Harry giggled "Five points to Gryiffindor. James Potter was Prongs. Now we're gonna have some fun with the little minds. I know for a fact that you two have met at least two of the other Marauders. In fact, one of them spent quite a little time at The Burrow over the years."

F "WHAT?"

G "HOW?"

Both looked at each other, glared at the trio and demanded "WHO?"

"Good night boys!" declared Harry, pushing between the pair and starting upstairs. He motioned his friends to follow.

The twins immediately complained "STOP! Wait Harry. That's only three!"

"Hmm…. So it is." He scratched his chin "Well, think of it as my own little Triwizard Tournament. I'll see how you do after this task before allowing you to go on." Harry was quite delighted with the gormless expression shown in stereo.

Ron laughed evilly, then offered "Come see us if you solve that. We'll give you a month. If not, HEhehe, maybe we'll tell. Or, at least, have another clue."

"Night boys!" Hermione waggled her fingers, climbed the Girls' stairs and thought to herself ' _Hmmm…pranking is fun_.'

abcij

The next morning, Harry was ready to go to the maze. He walked out when his name was announced, stuck his wand in the massive hedge and yelled " _Fiendfyre_!"

The audience gasped in horror. But all that happened was the hedge, itself the whole maze, burst into flames and vaporized in seconds. All that was left was a maze of ashes.

"Well, that's that." Harry grinned and bowed "Maze solved."


	75. Chapter 75:Avada Draco

**Harry Does Different Zzza**

Avada Draco

"Malfoy. It was him." Said Harry with all the certainty of saying a triangle has three sides. His best friend was laying there, unconscious after only surviving a poisoning by sheer dumb luck.

Potion Master Severus Snape sneered "Evidence, Potter? And you know this how?"

"I just do." Harry declared, knowing it to be true, knowing his response was weak.

Snape pounced on it "And what great power of seeing could you have, Potter? Should we bring Professor Trelawney to confirm your newfound ability?"

"Stuff it Snivilus!" Harry shot back, angrily. And as Ron moaned in pain his temper peaked "And he's going to bloody pay!"

None of the professors heard that remark, or noticed his departure, because just then Lavender Brown witnessed Hermione taking and caressing Ron's hand. "Alas, to be young" Dumbledore commented "And feel love's sting."

"Wher-re are y-uuuu Dracoooooooo?" sing-songed a furious Harry Potter. It wasn't the hot rage that would make one make mistakes. It was what he knew as an old Klingon saying _Revenge is a dish best served cold_. Any student who crossed his path, fled. The only professor who he met during his hunt was Sybil Trelawney. She picked up two First Years and ran screaming.

A Slytherin who Harry only knew as Warrington, a Seventh Year happened to confront him near the House Entry, glared at the younger student "How did you find us, Potter?" he demanded "Go back to Gryff—" The reason he did not finish was because he was blasted into the distant corridor and into the wall.

"Sixth Year dorms." Harry hissed. And somehow he knew where to go. The door had a silver and emerald handle, it was a work of art, and it was reduced to dust. "Hello, Draco, ready to die?"

The Malfoy heir had his back to the door, studying. When it exploded he was blasted into his desk, knocking the wind out of him. He desperately sucked in air that his lungs wouldn't take, fell to the floor and curled into a fetal position. Finally, he was able to croak " _Pot_ -ter!"

" _Avada Kedavra_!" Harry fired into the polluted room. Hearing movement, he realized "Missed! SHIT!"

Draco was shocked. He'd heard the curse, saw it hit the chair he'd just been sitting in. And the only reason it missed is because he fell to the floor. He yanked his wand from his wrist holster and yelled " _Crucio_!"

"You'd have to do better than that." Sneered Harry. The spell had hit him, but "I've had toothaches that hurt worse. But now I have two reasons to finish you. _Avada Kedavra! Avada Kedavra! Avada Kedavra!"_ The rapid fire casting did its job. Harry watched as the body spun in the air and knew his enemy was dead before he hit the ground. The lifeless eyes only confirmed it.

Abcij

The student left an easy to follow trail of fear. Scattered schoolmates pointed professors exactly where they needed to go. And once the Headmaster realized the pattern, he apparated ahead to the logical destination. Dumbledore arrived to witness the last seconds. But, unfortunately, not to intervene. He was easily able to disarm the still living student "Harry Harry Harry. I am most disappointed in you. An Unforgivable? The very one that killed your parents."

"I saw when you showed up." The Gryffindor countered coldly, his anger gone "Malfoy just threw a _Crucio_ at me. A _Priori_ will prove me right. Go ahead, call the Ministry."

Professors Snape and McGonagall arrived moments later "I'll see you in The Veil for this Potter!" the Slytherin Head roared.

"Oh really, Snivilus!" Harry wasn't the least bit intimidated. He stomped over to Draco's body, stepped on the face, yanked up the right arm and ripped off the sleeve "Anybody with this piece of trash dies. Man, woman, they're my enemy! Get me!"

The Gryffindor Head cut in "Come along Potter. It is best we leave. Now."

"Anybody points their wand at me dies." Harry declared as they reached the Slytherin Common Room "Anyone touches me, dies. I see that dirt bag's Mark, you die. MOVE!"

Unaware, at this point, of exactly what had happened…. But choosing the better part of valor, almost all vacated and/or hid from view behind furniture. The silence was deafening when, minutes later, under Professor Dumbledore's cape, a body was taken away.


	76. Chapter 76:Rita and the Broom Closet

[a/n] Harry channels JR Ewing

 **Harry Does Different Zzzb**

Rita and the Broom Closet

"That concludes the wand weighing ceremony." Announced Ministry Representative Barty Crouch "I thank you all for coming."

After pictures a bleach blonde witch grabbed Harry by the arm, dragged him along until she got into a tiny room and cast a locking charm on the door. "And so here we are." She declared with a predatory grin.

"It's a broom closet." Harry commented, rather unnecessarily.

The witch grinned at him even more broadly saying "So it is, Harry, so it is. I know you Mr. Boy-Who-Lived, but I want sooooooo much more. I want the ins and outs of what makes our hero tick. Why did you enter the tournament? How do you rate your chances against MUCH older students? What are all your dirty little secrets?" Her oddly behaving quill gently tickled Harry's ear.

"Stop that!" snapped Harry, swatting at the thing. Hiding the nervousness he felt in the situation, he drew on what he'd heard when Uncle Vernon was watching movies when Aunt Petunia wasn't home "Dirty little witch, ain'cha?" He sneered back and pushed her firmly into the wall.

She introduced herself with a hint of a tremor in her voice "I'm Rita Skeeter. Reporter Extraordinaire for _The Daily Prophet_. Anything you say may appear on the public record."

"Pleased to meet ya Rita." He answered silkily "A little early in our relationship to be dragging me into broom closets. Isn't it? Or is the way most older …. I beg your pardon … mature witches behave? You know I am more like a Muggleborn than a Pureblood?"

Her Quick Quotes Quill was busy scratching away "No, Harry I don't believe that is common knowledge. Most fascinating. And I'll be glad to include it. Still any good reporter always wants more. And I … I beg your pardon … what are your staring at?"

"This fascinating necklace, Rita. It is quite lovely." He reached out and began fondling it, stepped even closer, grinning "Almost as lovely as its owner."

She couldn't help tittering "Heheheheh, my you make me feel like a schoolgirl. Goodness! How did such a young boy learn so much?"

"The Goblet says I'm a man." He countered, even if his voice didn't meet that standard "I've always felt older than I am. And why is someone who looks like you still not at Hogwarts?"

Rita actually blushed "I graduated, Harry, before your parents even attended ol' Hoggies. And shame on you! You shameless flirt you."

"All the professors say I'm just like my father was. Or maybe my Godfather. I'll tell you all about him … if you're a good girl. Are you going to be a good girl, Rita?" the whole time Harry was closing the space between them and lowering his voice to a whisper. Ultimately, and really cluelessly, he kissed older witch.

The reporter didn't care even slightly about the age difference. She tightened her grip on the teen wizard, returning the kiss with passion. And found him a quick learner… very quick. In the privacy of the broom cupboard she began undressing both herself and the boy. Soon, they were naked, the woman delighting in the boy's energetic ineptness. She internally laughed at the wild writhing he did while she sucked him to rock-hard erection. At just the right moment, Rita stopped and ran her tongue up to Harry's neck and kissed him deeply declaring "If you liked that, you'll love this."

"OH! BLOODY HELL!" squeaked Harry as she impaled herself and began bouncing up and down. "Oh God! Rita! Don't! Stop! Don't stop! Don't stop! Don't stop! Don't stop! Don'tstop! Don'tstop! Don'tstop! STOPPPPPPP!" And in the middle of the last word his hips involuntarily thrust up as he simply exploded!

Rita, after orgasming herself, simply collapsed on top of him "That was amazing. You are some man Harry Potter." She sighed with repletion, magically summoned her cigarettes and lit one, puffing out slowly and smiling stupidly.

"But I'm NOT a man, Rita, dear." He countered with a wicked look "I'm a boy. An underage wizard. And you, luv, are an adult. Do you know what that means?"

The cigarette dropped out of her mouth. Jumping to her feet, she stamped out the sparks and exclaimed "You! YOU! YOU TRICKED ME!"

"The term is entrapment, Miss Skeeter." Quipped Harry, using his Hermione lecture voice. He locked his fingers behind his reclined neck and smirked at her "See, I learned something from the press over the last couple years. I never get the truth, so I may as well control the lies."

Rita was, to say the least, outraged "You're not turning me in? You're blackmailing me? For how long?"

"Well, I figure it's good til I turn 17. Hahaha. At least!" He replied, utterly pleased with himself. "Come on Rita, it won't be so bad. No reason this has to stop. And you'll be my press agent. So to speak."

To which, she clicked her teeth before offering "You are an evil little boy."

"Wasn't so little a minute ago." He retorted while stroking himself "I take it we have a deal? I might also let you do my autobiography."

She pretended to be thinking about it then nodded "I agree. But I insist on that book writing deal."

"Done." Harry nodded "Another round to seal it?"

Rita shrugged and settled on top of him again.


	77. Chapter 77:The Boy Who Didn't Live

[a/n] Violence Warning

 **Harry Does Different Zzzc**

The Boy Who Didn't Live

"Well done James Potter." Lord Voldemort panted. He lifted his latest victim by the collar and smiled "Rarely have I even broken a sweat. To honor a worthy foe, I will permit your mudblood life, if she does not trouble me too much." He dropped the dead body and saluted with his wand.

Abcij

Lily Potter slammed her bedroom door shut, grabbed her toddler in one hand and a fistful of floo powder in the other and stepped in. "LEAKY CALDRON!" she yelled. When it didn't work, the redhaired woman snarled "Bloody bad! _Obice maxima_!"

"Bloody! Bloody! Bloody!" giggled the green eyed boy who hadn't even had his first haircut yet.

The mother rolled her eyes, having no time to discipline her son, dropped the youngster back in his crib and performed the last part of a very intricate ritual the parents prepared for this moment. She smashed a phial containing her husband's blood against a bar, sliced her palm with a shard and nicked her son's finger. Making her son cry tore at the young mother's heart, she cuddled him as all three blood samples pooled in his little hand and whispered " _Familia Sociavit_!"

"Lily Potter!" the Dark Lord snarled "I will overlook that little locking spell in honor of your late husband. Hahaha. Just stand aside."

She whirled and threw away her wand, pleading "NO! MERCY! PLEASE! I BEG YOU!"

"Bad man!" the toddler accused, pointing at the intruder "Go'way!" A bit of accidental magic pushed out.

Voldemort laughed nastily "HAHAHA! Yes, I am a bad man. A very bad man. HAHAHA! Perhaps you could be my equal, Harry Potter, if you were allowed to live." Other than to slap the pleading woman away, he concentrated his attention on the brat. Not even hearing her pathetic sobs.

"Mummy hurt?" asked Harry, not at all happy. Then screamed "BAD MAN HURT MUMMY!"

Voldemort turned to the toddler and sneered "Too bad you'll have such a short life." He stalked over to the crib, his wand already glowing and was shocked when the brat vanished from sight. He looked around in a rage over the disappearance of his target. But then the brat reappeared, body wrapped around the Dark Lord's neck.

"BAD MAN HURT MUMMY! BAD MAN HURT MUMMY!" toddler Harry assaulted the monster, yanking on hair, kicking an ear and digging at an eye. Blood sprayed from two fairly small wounds.

Lily Potter stumbled to her feet, wand in hand. But the reeling Dark Lord made it impossible for her to get a clear shot. Then, to her horror, Voldemort got hold of the small boy and violently flung him into the far wall. From the sound and the unnatural position the neck was in, Lily knew her son was dead. In short, she went mad. Screeching in utter fury and despair, she charged and drove her wand straight through the murderer's throat. Then, ignoring the dying Dark Lord, Lily crawled over, turned her son's broken neck into its proper orientation and sobbed "Har-har-harry!"


	78. Chapter 78:The Sorting

[a/n] I was watching HPSS and this whole scene just popped into my mind.

 **Harry Does Different Zzzd**

The Sorting

"I am Professor McGonagall, Deputy Headmistress" the severe witch towered over the group of eleven year-olds "First you must be sorted into your Houses. They are Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin. Each has its own noble history and has produced notable witches and wizards?"

Harry raised his hand, wanting to know "Excuse me, but why isn't the Headmaster or mistress here?"

"HeadMASTER Dumbledore is inside waiting." She answered, fighting not to show a reaction.

Harry's hand was up again "Why doesn't he/she come out her to meet us?"

"HeadMASTER Dumbledore is a man." The deputy started.

Harry nodded "Oh, sorry. Thank you for making that clear. But, given how much we spend, wouldn't it be nice for him to welcome us personally?"

"That is not the way it is done, young man." She was getting annoyed.

Harry frowned in thought and asked "Errr? Why?"

"Because, that is the tradition the Hogwarts has followed since long before even Headmaster Dumbledore was born." Answered McGonagall, her tone indicating the conversation was over.

Indulging the curiosity that was crushed at Little Whinging Elementary, the boy persisted "Is he old? Is that why he couldn't come, himself?"

"Albus Dumbledore is quite spry." She was now visibly angry "Let us proceed to the Great Hall, before we are late."

Harry tapped her on the hip as he passed and asked "Beg pardon, Ma'am? What does spry mean?"

"Come on! Move it Harry!" the bushy haired girl he sat with on the train, and forced him along. The red headed girl beside her also glared at him. The Deputy Headmistress was glaring in the boy's direction, her left eye seemed to be vibrating oddly.

Harry watched the sorting process "Abbott, Hannah-Hufflepuff: Bones, Susan—Hufflepuff: Granger, Hermione—Gryffindor: Malfoy, Draco—Slytherin" and, finally "Potter, Harry."

"Let's not be so hasty, here." The unsorted Boy-Who-Lived complained, grabbing the Hat before it could be put on his head "Bloody thing is dusty, and been on fifty heads. Must have lice."

The whole Hall looked in shock. Students and Professors alike gaped at him. "Mister Potter!" exclaimed an outraged McGonagall.

"Gotta get the dust off." Harry commented, ignoring her. He jumped off the stool and began whacking the Hat on the hardwood seat. Not satisfied with a couple, he repeated the action ten times in rapid succession. "Better. But not quite good enough."

The poor Sorting Hat was in total distress "SOMEONE SAVE ME FROM THIS LUNATIC CHILD!" it screamed.

"Harry!" the Headmaster scolded sharply "That is no way to treat our Sorter!"

The boy spun, worried at getting hollered at, but he quickly forgot when he saw "A pitcher of water! That's what it needs! A good washing!" He pushed it into the pitcher and used his fist to jam it all the way in, swishing it around.

The Sorting Hat's protests came out of the pitcher as GLUB GLUB BURBLE GLUB as it was pushed around. Professors were still stunned as if _Petrificus_ ed. The remaining unsorted First Years were giggling at the sight. The students sitting at House Tables were mixed in reactions. Ron Weasley's twin brothers were rolling on the floor, clutching their ribs. Hermione Granger took it very seriously and was pulling at her hair looking for dirt.

"N-n-now Pot-ter! That is quite e-nough!" exclaimed Professor McGonagall. She was utterly flummoxed by the whole affair "Pu-ut that hat on your h-head and allow it to Sort y-you! IMMEDIATELY!"

To which Harry nodded, gleefully "Just need to dry it out, Ma'am." He promised.

"THIS BOY IS BLOODY INSANE!" the Hat screamed. You'd think so, too, if you were twisted round and round, folded over, twisted some more, and finally shook into a wrinkled version of your former self.

Harry hopped back onto the stool and put the mostly squeeze dried Sorting Hat onto his head, commented "When was the last time you had a bath?" then went on "I'd be real disappointed if I landed in the same House as Malfoy. So …. Ahh… No Slytherin."

"B-b-b-better beebeebeebe G-ga-ga-Gryffindor." The jittery magical object shouted before jumping into the Deputy Head's hands.

The newly sorted First Year hopped off the stool and skipped to an open spot beside Ron Weasley and near the twins chanting "We Got Potter!"

"Harry! How could you? That was just awful!" Hermione Granger complained.

And Fred Weasley wanted to know "What made you come up with that prank?"

"What prank?" asked Harry in all seriousness "That thing looks like it hasn't been cleaned in a thousand years and look at how many kids wore it tonight."


	79. Chapter 79:The Kiss

**Harry Does Different Zzze**

The Kiss

"We won Harry! We won!" Ginny Weasley burst into the Gryffindor Common Room holding the Snitch, and cheering. She saw her ex-boyfriend Dean Thomas, and instead of discouraging her, his presence somehow [rather naughtily] encouraged what she was about to do.

Harry's whole Quidditch Team was running in, dirty and sweaty, but he didn't them or the dirt and sweat. The-Boy-Who-Lived only had eyes for the mass of red hair waving his way. The monster that had been in his chest all year whenever his best friend's little sister was around woke and began growling. She was calling his name and soooooo close! Not really caring about the game, he declared "GREAT _GIN_!"

"Kiss me!" she demanded, wrapping her arms around his neck and crashing her lips into his.

Harry did have something witty and clever to say, but he rapidly forgot as their tongues began dueling. The monster howled in victory and quickly demanded more. He slid his hands into the uniform robes and down to her ass and first just rested them there, but when Ginny didn't protest he began squeezing.

Ginny moaned pleasurably against Harry's lips and was gently tugging on the hairs in back of his neck. It delighted her to feel him shiver from her touch. And it only heightened her fun that her brother was only a few feet away watching the whole thing.

"Well, guess we better-" he offered a flick of his eyes toward the portal and glanced over Ginny's shoulder to his best friend.

Ron looked shell shocked but nodded in apparent approval. Dean had crushed the glass in his hand and was seemingly unaware of the blood dripping off his fingers.

Harry nodded a Thank You to Ron, tossed an arm over Ginny's shoulder and gave a blatantly gloating look to his dark-skinned dormmate. Out the pair went, but Ginny's expression lacked the same bliss that was on her co-kisser's face. And he very quickly lost his happy expression "What's your problem?" he snapped.

"I'm trying to decide what pissed me off more." She fired back "The fact you seem to think I needed my brother's permission to snog. Or the look you gave Dean."

To which, Harry immediately shot back [finger inches from her nose] "Tell ya something about boys, Ginny. We don't especially like their girlfriends defending ex-boyfriends to them."

"Oh?" she sneered, pushing his hand away "Who said I was your girlfriend?"

Another flash of red caught Harry's eye "You know something? You're absolutely right. Bye! Hey! Susan! SUSAN BONES! Wait up!"

"Tha'bloody hell?" Ginny asked of no one in particular.

Peeves floated up beside her and whispered "Potter, the rotter! Dumped ya? Huh weasel girl?"

"OH! Shut up you stupid ghost!" Ginny stomped her feet to chase him off.

Peeves laughed raucously, rapidly orbited around the girl and faded from view.

Abcij

"What's on your mind, Harry?" the buxom Hufflepuff wanted to know.

He replied "Actually, the upcoming Hogsmeade weekend. Have you a date?"

"In fact, I do not." Susan answered, not quite smiling, she settled in beside him "But, tell me, what happened to your other red-haired fancy?" This wasn't an idle question. She was entirely too proud to play second fiddle to anyone.

Harry just blinked, owlishly. Nor was he staring at her chest, which he had on more than one occasion. He was just stumped "H-h-how did you know?" he asked.

"I can count on one hand the number of people who do NOT know about your crush on the youngest Weasley." She answered with an air of superiority "Most of the other redheads for instance. Certainly Dean didn't know. I'm sure Hermione does. I once caught a couple Slytherin firsties out after curfew talking about The-Boy-Who-Lived and his obsession. So? Give?"

Harry's lips moved, but nothing came out for several seconds, until he was just able to monosyllabically ask "How?"

Susan looked away to hide a blush, turned back and answered "Let's partner in Potions and Herbology this week and chat. Then we can walk to Hogsmeade together. You answer my questions, I'll answer yours."

"It's a date!" Harry enthused, and skipped away. Yes! He skipped!

Susan went the other way, planning how to learn the details of what caused Harry to lose interest in his crush. And, of course, confirm she wasn't somehow risking becoming the other woman. By Saturday she expected she would just be listening to Harry tell her what she already knew. Behind a merely happy expression, Susan Bones was doing a triumphal dance. She would squeal giggle and brag to Hannah Abbott, her best friend, behind privacy curtains and wards. Little known fact Neil Bones, her father, was in Slytherin.


	80. Chapter 80:Insufferable

**Harry Does Different Zzzg**

Insufferable

"Werewolves?!" exclaimed Hermione "We're not supposed to cover werewolves for months!"

Professor Snape spun and fixed her with a hostile glare "I did not ask for your input, you insufferable know-it-all!"

"Fifty points from Slytherin for name calling, Professor Snape!" Harry called out.

Every face froze in shock. Not only had a student directly spoken against a Professor in class, but he did not even offer the honorific of title. Mockingly taking points was beyond the pale.

"Would you care to repeat that, Potter?" asked Severus. His tone was low and unemotional. A danger sign.

Standing, insolently was the only word, the Gryffindor replied "Fifty points from Slytherin for name calling, Snape." His tone was identical to the professor's. "And another fifty for not calling me Mister!"

"Enough of this, Potter! Damn you!" the Potions Master turned DADA substitute actually growled. He reached across Ron to catch Harry by his robe collar and drag him out of class. All the way to the Headmaster's office Snape berated and insulted the Gryffindor.

Abcij

The Headmaster of Hogwarts was sucking on a lemon drop while doing paperwork. The gargoyle at his door reported a professor and student approaching. Without looking up he announced "Come in Harry, welcome Severus."

"I demand you expel this arrogant brat!" the dark man ordered.

Dumbledore continued scratching quill on parchment for almost a minute before deigning to look up, then steepled his fingers and asked quietly "Harry, Harry, what have you done now?"

"There you go!" complained Harry "Always blaming the victim!"

Holding up his hands, the old wizard offered a placating "Why can't you both see reason? And, come come, join me in some lemon drops?"

"Headmaster!" Snape gnashed his teeth "This glory seeking brat disrupted my Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson!"

Harry whined melodramatically "Did not!"

"And dared to usurp my authority by trying to take House points from Slytherin." Continued Snape.

Harry giggled "Now THAT I'll admit to! Proudly!" He rubbed his fingers over the candy dish then picked one from the bottom of the stack "Mmmmmmm!"

"I am glad you approve, Harry." Said Dumbledore "But, perhaps we can get back to the matter at hand? Did you indeed attempt to punish a professor in the performance of his duties?"

Looking offended, Harry answered "Of course not sir!"

"But you did not deny attempting to take points from Slytherin?" he tried to clarify.

Harry paused as if in thought, then snapped his fingers "OH! I see! Snape is somehow confusing teaching with insulting students!"

" _Professor_ Snape, Harry." The Headmaster corrected automatically "And I am certain you merely misinterpreted-"

Harry interrupted, Yes! Interrupted! "First, _Snape_ always calls me by my last name ONLY! No Mister. Moving on, how would you interpret and I quote _I did not ask for your input, you insufferable know-it-all_!" That's what Snape said to Hermione."

"Harry, you may go. Severus, let us talk." Said Dumbledore with a look of disappointment.

Abcij

As Harry approached the Great Hall, Draco Malfoy was the first one to spot him "You're getting expelled this time Potter!" he yelled.

"We'll see, Draco, we'll see." Harry replied, coolly.

The Gryffindor Table burst out in applause. Hermione threw her arms around his neck and partly scolded, partly thanked him "You really shouldn't have done that. Professor Snape will never forgive you. But I'm glad you stood up for me. You and Ron are the only ones who ever do! Thank you."

"I just hit a breaking point, 'Mione." He replied "And I don't care anymore about Snape. He's had it coming since '91. Buuuut as long as you're on my side….. I did a little prank up there."

An Extendable Ear landed on his left shoulder and an arm dangled on his right, George said "Tell us about"

Fred finished "it Harrikins."

"Fine, but …. Oh…. There's Ron. Can't leave him out." He led them to the side and whispered "I sprinkled a whole bunch of Miralax on Dumbledore's candy dish. And I mean a WHOLE LOT. A whole great big jug of the stuff."

There were expressions of confusion from all the redheads. Hermione recognized it, wanted to know "How did you come by something like that?"

"Vernon had a colonoscopy while I was back there." Harry answered her with a giggle [He refused to call Privet Dr. home] To the blank Weasley expressions, he explained "It's a test for cancer. I just helped myself to what was left. It was a lot. Cancer? I guess it's a muggle-only disease. Anyway, this Miralax mix… you add it to juice and drink it. The stuff, in little doses makes you….ahmmm….crap a lot. Vernon sat on the toilet all day."

Hermione looked disapproving, and the Weasleys still looked confused.

"Ok" sighed Harry "I know witches and wizards can get diarrhea, 'cause I've had it. You've used itching powder? Yeah? George, Fred? Well think of this as diarrhea powder. And to get a big jug of the stuff past Dumbledore, I just shrank it down, which of course made it much stronger. Soooooooooooo…"

Having been led to the punchline, the redheads began giggling.

"And it's the prank that'll never end." He concluded, laughing "Who knows how long those lemon drops will last? Or how often Dumbledore cleans it? The best part? He'll never suspect me 'cause I ate one."


	81. Chapter 81:Lawsuit

**Harry Does Different Zzzh**

Lawsuit

"Granger residence, hello." Said a female voice.

To which, came the reply "This is Harry Potter. May I speak to Hermione?"

"Hold on." She answered and after a minute "Harry! How good to hear from you! How are you feeling?"

To which he sighed "Pretty miserable. I keep reliving Cedric's murder. It wakes me up in cold sweats at 3am, then I never get back to sleep."

"Oh Harry." She commiserated "I'm so sorry. I wish I could help."

He had an idea, but it was still in its infancy "You can, I think. I'm trying to understand something on TV. And I think it might help me. Do you know about the American case of the football player, although they play it with their hands, who's going on trial for killing his wife?"

"OJ Simpson, of course." Hermione could be counted on to know everything.

Harry nodded even if she couldn't see it "Exactly. Seems to be all Vernon wants to watch, so naturally, it's all I watch. Anyway one of them said even if he's found not guilty he could still face a civil complaint."

"I heard the same. I'm impressed, Harry, you got that word for word. They went on to explain that the murder case needs to be proven beyond a reasonable doubt, whereas a civil case only needs more likely than not." She went on to explain.

She'd complimented him, Harry was immensely pleased with himself "Right!" he exclaimed "So now I think I can do the same. The stupid Ministry didn't even want to arrest anyone I saw with Voldemort in Little Hangleton."

"I'm due at Headquarters in a week." She said "I'll see if Hogwarts: A History has anything to say. Then, I imagine Sirius would be my best source."

Harry agreed "Sure, you get the ball rolling, then hopefully we can really get things done. Keep me in the loop."

"Of course, Harry. Bye." Replied Hermione.

Abcij

Just as the Headmaster was addressing Ron, Hermione arrived at #12 Grimmauld Place "Ah, Nymphadora, and Miss Granger, welcome." He greeted them.

"I have repeatedly asked you not to use my first name." the young Auror snarled.

Dumbledore ignored her and spoke to the room as a whole, but specifically looking at Ron, said "Now, everyone, it is vital, VITAL, that you not contact Harry."

The assembled Order of the Phoenix members nodded. First Ginny, then Hermione moments later and finally Ron, shook their heads with Hermione speaking "I promised Harry I would write him regarding something we discussed. Plus he NEEDS us after what happened with … Cedric."

"Miss Granger, I must insist you trust my judgment in this matter." Said Dumbledore.

Snape put in "Not only are you an insufferable know-it-all Granger, but now you are taking the worst of Potter's behavior."

"I might have to put up with that shite at Hogwarts, but we're not there now!" exclaimed Hermione with all the volume of a banshee scream. She slapped her hand on the table.

The Weasley kids were a study in shock. Fred and George disapparated from their seat, reapparated on either side of the young witch and simultaneously kissed her cheeks. Ginny giggled at the whole thing. While Ron's jaw hung loose.

Mrs. Weasley scolded them all "Fred George, shame on you. Just because you have your licenses does not mean you can abuse the privilege. Hermione, Professor Snape is your teacher and Professor Dumbledore has Harry's best interests at heart."

"You're not my mother!" Hermione snapped at her, then glared at the Headmaster "How is isolating Harry good for him?"

The deeply offended Weasley matriarch retorted "We do not have to explain ourselves to children. Now! Upstairs! The lot of you!"

"I am going home." Declared Hermione "From there, I'll have my parents take me to Harry's. Anyone interested in joining me? Sirius?"

The Azkaban escapee, eager for an opening and opportunity for action jumped up and declared "I'm in!"

"I cannot allow that." Dumbledore drew his wand and fired " _Expelliarmus_!" at Hermione.

Sirius stepped in front of the girl and the spell splashed uselessly against his body. To everyone's surprise, Dumbledore dissolved away. "That's what anyone gets when attacking a Black under the Black blood wards." He explained with a happy tone. Then offered his elbow to Hermione and asked "Shall we, Miss Granger?"

"What did you do to Albus?!" yelled Severus, pulling his wand. Who also promptly dissolved to nothingness.

Giggling madly, Sirius explained for the remaining Order members "And they chosen to use lethal or unforgivable curses, their ahh…dissolution…would have been uhhmm…permanent. As it is they're in England…hehheh…somewhere."

"Let us not tarry, Mr. Black." Hermione fought down a giggle to sound pompous.

Abcij

A very large and well appointed BMW stopped in front of #4 Privet Dr. Three elegantly dressed adults with one beautiful teen girl exited the vehicle and knocked.

"To your room, boy!" Uncle Vernon ordered "These are obviously important people who wouldn't want anything to do with your freakishness!"

As might be usual, Harry complied with reluctance and more than a little attitude, slowly stomping his way upstairs. He thought he recognized one voice, peaked down and yelled "Hermione!" and "Sirius!"

"The murderer?" both Dursleys gasped.

Sirius clicked his heels together and bowed "Convicted? Yes. Guilty? No. Pleasure to make your acquaintance I'm sure. Now that I'm out and about, just peaking in on the Godson. Allow me to introduce my associates, Ian and Michelle Granger. And the lovely young lady trying to squeeze the life out of Harry, their daughter Hermione."

"More freaks!" Petunia snarled malevolently. Her husband nodded and tugged on Dudley's shirt, the boy was showing interest in the freak girl.

The Grangers had been fully briefed on what little Harry had told Sirius about his home life. In the limited encounter so far the couple learned vastly more. "Yes, indeed, Mr. Dursley." Said Ian "And I was eager to mention Grunnings to our dental association, but I think we'll look elsewhere now."

"I must agree, luv." Michelle offered in support.

Acting completely oblivious, Sirius interrupted "Have some legal matters to go over with Harry. Shall we retire to your room?"

"Uhmm… it's a bit small… for two even." Said Harry, uncomfortably "Let alone five."

Sirius smirked, pulled his wand and replied "An _engorgio_ will take care of that."

"That unnaturalness is not allowed here!" yelled Vernon, he was doubly angry that he'd lost a possible business opportunity.

Sirius grinned maliciously and pointed out "Harry is underaged. I'm not! Mwuhahahahah!"

Abcij

"That was wicked!" exclaimed Harry once they were in the enlarged room

This time he only grinned angelically at his Godson and changed the subject "Thank you, Harry, for giving me an excuse for getting out of that decrepit house. Now, you have the start of a great plan as Hermione explained it to me, but we'll need to get it to the right people to get it going."

"We plan to do something about your situation here, as well, Harry." Said Hermione's mother, supported by a nod from her father.

The boy smiled and said "Wow! Thank you." He may have started more than he thought.

"Yes, Sirius spoke in Muggle terms to my parents' lawyer." Hermione explained "We drew up the documents, basically all you need to do is sign them, take them to a Wizarding lawyer and to Madam Bones."

His Godfather put in "I know the perfect guy, too. Furtivo & Assocs. was dear old Mama's sleazebag attorney when I was a kid. I'm sure he'd love to climb all over this. Yeah, I know. But sometimes you have to set a crook to catch a crook."

Abcij

"I could not imagine Stubby Boardman actually wanting to see me." Mr. Furtivo sneered "But I could make a pretty Knut turning in a notorious murderer."

Mrs. Granger explained coolly "In our world, there is Counselor/Client confidentiality. In this world, you call it Unbreakable Oaths."

"I am surprised to see a Black associating with Muggles." The attorney commented.

Sirius shrugged "The Black Family is changing, Brian. Do you want to follow along? Or do you want the biggest lawsuit of the decade on someone else's desk?"

"Who do you want to sue and what for, Mr. Potter?" asked Furtivo.

Harry smiled and replied "You are aware of the TriWizard Tournament at Hogwarts? Good. I speak for the Diggorys in this. We want to sue for Wrongful Death, Attempted Murder and assault. The names I have are Peter Pettigrew, Lucius Malfoy, Walden Macnair, Vincent Crabbe Sr., Gregory Goyle Sr., Alfred Avery, Joseph Nott, I heard Lestrange, and last but not least Tom Marvolo Riddle Jr. aka self-described Lord Voldemort."

"That is a remarkable claim, and a list that includes some of the pillars of our community." Furtivo commented as he leaned back and sucked on his cigar.

Sirius said the magic words in such a case "And the richest."

"You make a good point Mr. -excuse me- Lord Black." The attorney said, but pointed out "The Ministry and The Daily Prophet are both calling Mr. Potter and Dumbledore liars."

Harry shouted "I'M NOT LYING!"

"Easy Harry." Hermione blocked him with a hand "Then of course, they should be added to the list of defendants."

Furtivo smiled greedily "My fee will be GG10,000 up front and 50% of the judgment."

"If you want that much up front, then you only get 10% of the judgment." Mrs. Granger countered before anyone else could speak.

The lawyer frowned "Muggles should be seen, not heard."

"If you even think the word mudblood, we're gone." She countered "35% of the judgment, you pay all expenses. Take it or leave it." She stood and motioned the party to follow. Even Sirius snapped to his feet.

He looked stunned for a moment, then hurriedly snapped out "Agreed! I'll have the documents for Mr. Potter's signature drawn up while we discuss what exactly happened. And you should also take this to the DMLE."

"I already have a Portkey there and an appointment." Replied Harry.


	82. Chapter 82:Animagus

**[a/n]** Well 81 was a hit. I'll put it on my story list.

* * *

 **Harry Does Different Zzzi**

Animagus

"Here you go, Hedwig. You can find Sirius Black. Right?" Harry opened his Privet Dr. bedroom window. The Snowy owl gave him an 'Are you kidding' look. And Harry chuckled "No offense. Just making sure."

 _Padfoot_

 _Just making sure you're in a nice safe place. Me, Hermione and Ron are so glad you got away. And Buckbeak, too. I already let Hagrid know he's safe. I plan on siccing Fred and George Weasley on Malfoy. Stupid git's own fault. He's gonna have a bad 4_ _th_ _Year._

 _Prongs Jr._

 _Ps: We need to get me a real Marauder name. ||Hint, hint||_

Sirius Black read his Godson's letter with much amusement. Hedwig was spending her time hunting. And Sirius laughed heartily when she brought back a rather large rat. The owl tore a bloody strip of meat off the still living rodent's back and swallowed it. Sirius had to turn into Padfoot to howl. Hedwig looked at the dog and clucked, she jumped off her prey and nudged it at Padfoot. Who caught the rat's head in his jaw, tore it off, chewed and swallowed. Hedwig nudged the rat and took off, squawking. Padfoot rapidly devoured the rest and settled down with a full belly. Once Hedwig was satisfied, she returned to find a letter ready to go.

"Wow, a little bloody there, girl." Harry immediately observed. "None of it yours? Right?"

Hedwig frowned at her human clearly saying "As if!"

"Ah. I see." He answered, offering his arm "Well, come along then I'll get you clean." The Dursleys weren't home so he took her to the bathroom and ran the tub water. Hedwig quite enjoyed the experience. Harry then went to his Godfather's letter.

 _Prongs Jr._

 _Glad this found you in such a good mood. Your hint is noted and I quite agree. You can do three things to get started that won't set off the trace. So can be done at the Dursleys'. First, meditation. Not exciting, but essential. Close your eyes. Breathe slowly, in the nose, out the mouth. And concentrate on your magic. Think of it as a muscle like any other. Second, exercise. Run, situps, pushups. Healthy body, stronger magic. Lastly, a potion that you can make with all Muggle ingredients. The list and instructions are on the 2_ _nd_ _parchment. Think of it as a 'find your animal' drink. Good luck._

 _Malfoy? Son or daughter of Lucius, I'd assume? Far be it from me to discourage pranking, but I just want to mention that Lucius was a real nightmare. I'm amazed he escaped Azkaban. But, that just proves how dangerous he is._

 _Padfoot_

Harry was amazed at the list his Godfather sent. There really wasn't anything on it that Aunt Petunia didn't stock. He would have to think how to sneak in making the potion, but meanwhile, he had plenty to do. Just a couple days later Hedwig was eager to fly again and Harry had a letter just waiting to be signed and addressed.

 _Padfoot_

 _This is great! You were 100% right! Petunia cooks frog's legs once a week, so that's easy. Ginger is no problem either. And daisies are in the garden. I know I planted it. I can sneak all this stuff upstairs and cook it some night after they go to bed!_

 _Prongs Jr._

Sirius was actually putting on weight with Hedwig's visits. In dog form he shared everything the owl caught. In his Animagus he felt like he was running with the Marauders again. Hedwig was both an excellent hunter and a wonderful companion. This time, she stayed five days before returning to Harry.

 _Prongs Jr._

 _Remember, drink a full 16oz of the Potion. You should slip into a trance almost immediately. You'll stay unconscious for one to three hours. Let me know as soon as you wake up. I can't wait to find out. You might even find a stray dog on your doorstep._

 _Padfoot_

"Thanks for the reminder, Sirius." Said Harry as he concentrated on the pot in front of him. "What do you think Hedwig? At least the ginger will improve the taste."

His familiar leaned over the pot, then all but slammed her eyelids closed and flew up to Harry's bedroom.

"Yeah, I know, thanks for the support." Harry quipped sarcastically "Well, looks better than Polyjuice, anyway. Suuuure keep telling yourself that, Potter." He ladled the mixture into a large plastic glass, cleaned up the kitchen also allowing it to cool and went upstairs after ensuring no evidence of his nocturnal activity remained.

Hedwig looked at her human as if to say "Better you than me."

"Stuff yourself." He grumbled at her. And gulped repeatedly to get the whole draft down. He'd tasted worse, not much, but still. "Mmmmm yummy." And he fell over on his bed.

 _Padfoot_

 _You won't bloody sodding believe it! I'm not Prongs Jr! I'm fucken Wormtail Jr! A COMMON HOUSE RAT! Did you send me the wrong formula? This fucken sux! HELP!_

"Harry needs me, don't he girl?" asked Sirius of his Godson's familiar. Had anyone seen it, whether Magical or Muggle, a highly curious sight of a large black grim following a large snowy owl. Hedwig circled #4 Privet Dr. until Padfoot galloped into the backyard, then she flew into the window. The grim defied gravity, scaling the house to Harry's window. Padfoot needed a last tug on his neck from Harry to land on his bed.


	83. Chapter 83:Harry and the Howlers

**Harry Does Different Zzzj**

Harry and the Howlers

Harry Potter was in a real sour mood. Everyone was calling him The Heir of Slytherin. He was standing out in the courtyard in the snow, looking off to the white hills…brooding. Ron was glaring at anyone who dared approach his best friend. Hermione was reading a book.

"Look out everyone!" said Fred with a chuckle.

George finished "Scary Heir over there!"

"Sod off! Both of you!" Harry growled. It was the last straw. Not mere anger this was fury.

Not ones to take much of anything seriously, the twins rushed in and yanked off the Second Year's hat. They each took turns rubbing their knuckles into his head before laughingly running off, with his hat.

"STOP!" Harry roared. The hat wasn't particularly important but he made it so "Bring that back! Apologize!"

Still not realizing they were the targets of true rage, Fred and George continued. Laughing and tossing the hat between them. Assorted students thought this was something worth being late to lunch for.

" _Incarcerous_!" Harry fired while the pair were closest in their antics. It caught the Weasley twins at the same time with the one spell. Ropes quickly bound them both. He ran to the writhing Fourth Years, kicked one twice in the kidneys and jammed the sole of his snow packed shoe into the other's face "THAT'S how evil I can be! Anyone else got a problem!"

All the witnesses, stunned by the sudden end to a rather amusing scene, fled. They were all intimidated in spite of most having years of education and some twice the size of one Harry Potter. Any witness, regardless of age, who happened to be in Harry's path very quickly made him or her self scarce.

"Mr. Potter, given no professor or prefect saw this incident I find myself unable to properly punish you." Said a thoroughly annoyed Minerva McGonagall "That said. In future, you are forbidden from taking situations upon yourself to address. I expect you to seek out authority. Am I clear?"

Harry snorted derisively, and started for the office door "Where would we be if I followed that crock last year? That's going to happen to everyone who calls me Heir of Slytherin again!" And walked out.

***Great Hall, three days later, study period

Harry was actually studying something useful to Defense Against the Dark Arts instead of those stupid books Lockhart assigned. In came Pigwidgeon. With a red envelope.

HARRY POTTER

HOW DARE YOU BEAT ON MY SONS? YOU ROTTEN BULLY! AND AFTER THEY RESCUED YOU FROM THOSE HORRIBLE MUGGLES! WELL! DO NOT EXPECT ANY SUCH KIDNESS FROM A WEASLEY THIS YEAR! IN FACT MAYBE I'LL COME OVER AND HELP THEM BEAT ON YOU!

Ronald, Percival, Ginevra discontinue your associations with this little bastard, forthwith!

Harry was quite visible over the next few days in the library, and surprisingly, with Professor Snape. No one could ever catch a word they were saying. But the first time was in Potions class. It went "Sir, may I see you after class?"

"What waste of time is this Potter?" demanded Snape.

Harry replied "Something we have a common interest in, Professor. Give me five minutes."

"Class dismissed." The teacher sneered "And you have three. Starting now, Potter."

The most remarkable fact of this little moment was that, and it was actually seen, Harry was smiling as he approached the professor everyone knew hated him as much as he was hated.

***Ministry of Magic, Office of Misuse of Muggle Artifiacts

A larger than average regal snowy owl made her way flying just below the rafters until she reached her destination.

ARTHUR WEASLEY

HOW DARE THAT BIG MOUTH BITCH WIFE OF YOURS USE ONE OF HER LETTER BOMBS TO EMBARRASS ME! STOP HER OR EXPECT LEGAL ACTION!

"Mr. Potter, come to my office." Said McGonagall, and when they got there "Mr. Potter, I notice the situation between you and the Weasleys has deteriorated. I insist you desist."

Harry shrugged "Are you telling them to?"

"And on another note, exactly who taught you the Howler Charm?" she demanded.

At this he smirked "Professor Snape. Seems he's glad to help when a Gryff is being bullied. Given the right motivation Heh-heh! I guess if one professor says it's ok….."

***Hogwarts, Great Hall, three days later, breakfast

HARRY POTTER

HOW DARE YOU SEND THAT HOWLER! MR. WEASLEY IS NOW FACING AN INVESTIGATION AT WORK AND IT IS ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT!

" _Petrificus Totalis_!" Harry fired even as Fred and George were pulling their wands. The two fell over the Gryffindor table.

Again, Harry was in the office of his Head of House "I did note the two Misters Weasley going for their wands, Mr. Potter, so no punishment incurred for self defense. However, you did not follow my instruction to end this conflict."

"Professor, I have a question." He began "Is there any school rule preventing me from sending Howlers?"

She admitted "Not as such, no. However you are creating a disturbance."

"Not here, I'm not." He answered "Mrs. Weasley is doing that by sending them here. You know, she really embarrassed Ron. And that was on top of the punishment he got from you."

McGonagall jumped on that "And you don't think your friend's father is being embarrassed at The Ministry?"

"I really hate quoting Uncle Vernon." Harry replied, with a look of disgust "What's good for the goose is good for the gander."

Frowning, for more than one reason she used another axiom "Sometimes you have to be the bigger man."

"I'm twelve. How old is she?" he retorted.

***Ministry of Magic, Office of Misuse of Muggle Artifiacts

ARTHUR WEASLEY

STILL CAN'T CONTROL YOUR WIFE? LET'S SEE WHAT THE COURTS SAY!

Ten minutes later, Amelia Bones arrived at Mr. Weasley's office and closed the door sighing "No need to get up, Arthur. Let's have a talk about you, Molly and Harry Potter."


	84. Chapter 84:Smurfs

**Harry Does Different Zzzk**

Smurfs

"Tut,tut." Professor Lockhart was grading his first quiz "None of you seemed to know my favorite color is lilac. But, Hermione Granger knew my secret ambition is to rid the world of evil and market my own line of hair care products. Ten points to Gryffindor."

Hermione gushed and Susan Bones caught her arm to keep her from falling off her chair.

"Now! It's my job to train you up!" the Defense Professor suddenly exclaimed "To teach you to deal with all the dangers out there. Like I have! For examples, see my collected works!" he walked over and yanked a cover off a cage.

Seamus Finnegan guffawed "Cornish pixies!" And most of the class laughed with him. Even the Slytherins. Even Malfoy.

"Freshly caught Cornish pixies!" Lockhart clarified, as he seized the top of the cage. "Let's see what you make of them!" and he yanked on the latch. All the excitable blue creatures exploded from it causing instant chaos.

Most of the class fled out the door within seconds. The handful that were left were immediately tormented. Two began a tug of war with Susan's hair, causing the girl to holler in pain. Two more caught Neville by the fleshy part of his ears and were attempting to haul him to the ceiling. Ron slapped one off Hermione's hair with a book.

"Don't seem all that dangerous to me." Harry caught one out of the air and flipped it around in his hands "This one looks like Vanity Smurf." The small creature suddenly became a lighter shade of blue, a mirror appeared in his hand and his wings disappeared.

He looked at Harry and said in an effeminate voice "Put me down, sir. You'll mess up my perfect skin with your greasy brown fingers."

Harry complied and giggled as the Smurf wiggled away. "Hefty and Handy! Let Neville go!" he ordered the pair.

The two hung the boy on the chandelier and flew down, suddenly wearing white hats and pants "I don't like this look."

"Quiet and get back in the cage or I'll call Azrael." Harry threatened them.

Dangling be the back of his robes, Neville complained weakly "Why is it always me?"

"HELP HELP!" Susan Bones screamed.

Harry warned her "Hold still!" and snatched one Pixie off her overstretched locks. He told it "Bad Smurfette! Don't you know better than to yank another girl's curls." He stuffed her in his robe pocket. The other, as soon as Harry grabbed him, grew a full white beard "Papa Smurf!" Harry grinned, and put him in a different pocket.

"Get me down!" wailed Neville.

Harry pointed his wand at the one who had just destroyed the dinosaur display and ordered "You! Lower that boy to the ground or I'll make you Whiny Smurf and give you to Fang as a chew toy!" after Neville was safe on the floor he added "Now! Back in that cage!"

"Harry!" Hermione started to lecture "You can't do that! How DID you do that? What are you doing with those two?"

Harry laughed at his friend "Let's see for the first two, yes I can. And magic. Last one, I never really had a stuffed animal as a kid. So, Papa and Smurfette are all mine! Lala-lalalala-Laalalalala." He skipped out the destroyed classroom singing the Smurf song. "Come on Smurfs, let's smurf the smurf away."

* * *

[a/n] I've gone a little dry on ideas. Need some starting points, or scenes to keep going. Help folks!


	85. Chapter 85:Stardate 352427

[a/n] Just read a HP/STDS9 crossover story. It indirectly inspired this little mess.

[a/n1] Happy Thanksgiving

 **Harry Does Different Zzzl**

Stardate 35242.7

"Historical Archives. Section 31 records. Use of so-called magical people for the defense of The Federation. Ensign Luther Sloane recording. Location. Mid-Highlands Scotland. 2.3 miles north of the former Village of Hogsmeade. Castle. Room self identified as Headmistress' office. Device called a pensieve, that is P-E-N-S-I-E-V-E. Function is apparently to drain memories from a subject to allow direct experience of memories. Not dissimilar to a Holodeck in review mode, rather than interactive." a member of a small team spoke into a tricorder.

He then scanned the device directly "The precise method of obtaining memories is currently unknown. However, storage is remarkably simple. Memories are contained in apparently glass phials closed with an ordinary cork. Tricorder analysis shows anaphasic energy like a spiritual encounter described by Doctor Beverly Crusher of the USS Enterprise. Prior discoveries of less advanced devices indicate one need simply uncork a phial and empty the memory into the pensieve to activate. To experience the memory, one merely touches it while active in the basin. I have volunteered for this experience and Captain Dawson will monitor."

"Ensign Sloane touched the fluid in the basin precisely 11.2 seconds from the start of this recording." Captain Dawson began "All his vital signs are normal and precisely on his fully conscious baseline. Sloane, however, does not respond to any external stimuli. Pupils are unresponsive. A pinch on the shoulder elicits no reaction. Likewise a whiff of sulfur under the nose is ineffective."

In the memory, Sloane saw in first person, a face of a teenage girl smiling at him. The Starfleet operative generally preferred older women, however this Indian girl was quite lovely. As if she was talking to him "I'd love a dance."

"I was really stupid earlier, Parvati." Sloane felt himself saying "Why don't we get something to drink. A firewhiskey maybe."

The girl giggled lightly and kissed a hand. Outside, they climbed into a carriage. Parvati rubbed the hand between her own hands, then with a salacious smile brazenly sat on it and began wiggling in her seat. "I hope you can help me get higher grades in Defense." She said seductively.

Ensign Sloane had no real control, he just relived the experience. He felt a small delicate hand go in his pants. And in moments he felt an orgasm. Then he watched as those hands lifted a phial from between seemingly his legs and shut it with a cork. The teenager then kissed him and winked.

"Captain Dawson recording." The expedition commander spoke urgently "I ordered Dr. Grant to revive Ensign Sloane by any means necessary. Subject's blood pressure suddenly surged to 180/122 and his pulse spiked to 144. Out of the memory, vitals are returning to normal. Sloane returning to consciousness."

Sloane exhaled explosively and relaxed "Section 31 can obtain nothing of value from this particular sample. In fact, the whole collection is potentially tainted. Albus Dumbledore, the last known owner of this particular pensieve is thought to have been born in the 1850s on Earth's Gregorian calendar. The young female in the memory I just witnessed was certainly not of age and the memory was recorded sometime around 2000, again Gregorian."

"And the cause of your vitals change is related to this memory, how? Ensign?" asked the Captain.

Though young, Sloane was already incapable of blushing explained, clinically "The female in the memory manipulated the subject to ejaculation. For a higher grade."

"I see." Dawson answered with distaste "Your recommendation endorsed, Ensign. Destroy this entire collection. But retain the pensieve itself."

Sloane saluted and acknowledged "Aye, sir." He pointed his phaser at the wall of memories and they briefly glowed one by one until they vanished. After the Starfleet team removed the pensieve, they left, removing all trace of their visit.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAH!" a ghostly voice cackled wildly. The laughter went on and on and on. Finally, the ghost could not keep itself invisible. Ectoplasmic tears were forming glowing green pools in the stone floor.

Another spirit, quiet since the last magical disappeared from Hogwarts, yawned himself awake "Laughing? Joke? Potty! Potty made a funny? Tell! TELL!"

"PEEVESIE!" the ghost of Harry Potter embraced his fellow specter "Ghoulishly good to see you again matey!" And resumed laughing. Harry, in fact, laughed continuously for over a year.

Peeves laughed along with Harry, just for the fun of it. And when, finally, the laughing ended, he asked "What did Potty do?"

"Sneaky muggles wanted Hoggy secrets!" explained Harry through his giggles. He slapped Peeves on the back and continued "Potty gave muggles funny memory. Pranked bad muggles and Dummydorr at same time. Thinks Dummy naughty with students! Best part Dummydorr is my memory. Potty cut it off before bad muggle see Potty! Bad muggle burn all memories! All memories, gone! All magicals safe! WHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Peeves burst out laughing "Potty prank everybody! Peevesie bows to Potty!"

The two ghosts laughed together for years and years. One day a financier bought the castle. And was driven out by the endless noise. More years passed. The owner died, never setting foot in the castle again. The castle became run down. A new owner called in Starfleet to help. Going so far as to set off a photon torpedo. The laughing went on and on and on. Then, suddenly, about the time the USS Enterprise 1701-J was launched, it stopped. Eventually, a vast new city of millions was built on the site.


	86. Chapter 86:Eagle

[a/n]Animagus request

 **Harry Does Different Zzzm**

Eagle

"No matter how much everyone tells you, it's a thousand percent true." The werewolf told the son of his dead friend "Now, as an ex professor, I have not the slightest problem returning this to you." He handed back the Marauders' Map and smiled "I have a present for you. Long overdue. The three of them wrote step-by-step instructions for the Animagus transformation."

Harry's face split in a grin. "Something useful! And dead fun! Thanks Professor!"

"I just told you I'm not a professor anymore!" he shot back in good-natured exasperation. "Call me Remus, or Moony, and get on this scroll! The sooner the better. We'll give you an-rather-You will have earned an official Marauder name." He tapped it and said "Work. Hard. Potion, then practice on the form you see."

Abcij

"And I have a whole list of chores for you, boy." Uncle Vernon lectured as his BMW pulled into the driveway.

But, as he'd seen an odd Ravenclaw do, Harry tucked his wand behind his ear and said "You know that villainous criminal who was on TV all year? Well, he actually broke out of wizard prison, called Azkaban. The place was inescapable for almost a millennium. And, by the way, he's my Godfather."

"Wh-what?" Vernon stammered, lunging out of his car. Far be it from him to help with luggage.

That was okay. Harry repeated his explanation, not quite loudly enough for neighbors to hear "Oh…and he'd be HIGHLY vexed, I think he said… if I didn't have time for my homework. He didn't like my last grade report."

"Slacking still, no doubt." His uncle grouched "Well, that has nothing to do with chores. You know how things fall behind."

Harry nodded, arrogantly "Like when you lock me in the cupboard? He didn't like that. Might stop by one day about 2AM… y'know, just to check. Yeah it used to be real hard keeping my grades below Dudley's. Hard habit to break. Anyway, my favorite professor this year gave me a real interesting project. Lots of reading. Lots of time out of the house. No time for chores."

"Well, don't expect us to feed you if you're not working." Vernon blustered.

Harry shrugged "Nothing new there either." He took his trunk upstairs to 'Dudley's spare room' Took out the scroll and on the way out "Be back before the stars are out."

Abcij

And by the afternoon Sun, Harry read and read and read. Barely taking time to snark "If Hermione could see me now." The was a potion, he could make it from what was in the Dursley pantry. A mere four hour brew. What kind of extra credit could he get from Snape? Well, maybe present it to McGonagall or Sprout.

That night was a quick job of slicing, dicing and crushing. Then mixing into a simmering pan. He couldn't help the mischievous thought and eerie chant by the blue flame "Double bubble, toil and trouble, cauldron…well pot…burn and bubble. Mwuhahah. Anyway, one clockwise turn every fifteen minutes….and, voila…..one Animagus reveal potion."

"Honestly, 32oz is a lot to drink at one go." He complained "Lucky if I don't stain the bedding while in the trance. At least the ginger gives it a nice flavor." *gulpgulpgulp*

Harry saw an impressive bird. Intelligent eyes. A broad wingspan with massive feathers. Deadly gripping talons and a powerful beak. He didn't know the species but he felt the creature's muscles rippling in his flesh, and when it opened its beak a trill that made him shiver echoed in his very soul.

 _Dear Harry_

 _Have you done your homework? How are you? Have you heard from Snuffles?_

 _Love from Hermione_

 _Dear Hermione_

 _Well, in order. Yes. Pretty good. And yes. I even have a special projected from Professor Lupin that is taking up a lot of my time. I can't wait to see the results myself. *CAW*_

 _See ya soon_

 _Harry_

 _Ron_

 _Quiddtich? Over Durskaban? Are you kidding? The sooner the better!_

 _Eagerly_

 _Harry_

On return from her wizard's friend's house, Hedwig squawked in shock. "Where is Harry!" she demanded.

"I Harry!" the large bird squawked back.

Hedwig hesitantly hopped from window pane, to headboard, to dresser. "Prove it or I attack!" she snarled.

"You just got back from Ron!" the male bird was larger than the snowy female, but intimidated.

Hedwig inspected him with eyes and nose "What type of bird are you, Harry?" she wanted to know.

"I don't know." He answered "I've been working this up for weeks. I learned the change, but it's hard to practice changing back if you've never changed."

Hedwig squawked angrily "Stupid wizard. You read that scroll from Lupin teacher. All the way to end?"

"Well noooooo." Harry whistled back sheepishly "I could change each part. You know, an arm into a wing. A leg into a talon. Look at all my lovely feathers. Dark brown, maybe black."

Hedwig glared angrily "And now after being all proud of pretty feathers, no more Harry! Go on! Be human again!"

I can't!" he cried "I tried for hours after I changed! Right up until you came back! I know! Take me to Hermione!"

The owl huffed "I am of a mind to keep you this way. Quite an attractive bird. Would make fine chicks."

"Another filthy creature!" Vernon burst in "And all this bloody noise! Outta here! Both of you! Out! Out! OUT!" he brought in a newspaper and swatted at both Harry and Hedwig. The avians squawked and beat at him with their wings. Then fled Privet Dr. feathers were left all over the room.

Abcij

Fortunately for Harry, flying was as natural to him as breathing. It was also a good thing he was so full of adrenaline at first that it took three minutes before he was even aware he WAS flying. He was effortlessly pacing his owl and able to see things more clearly than he ever could in human form. Once he realized he was flying, his heart pounded for a minute or so, then he enjoyed it. Screeching with delight.

Hedwig would, every minute or so, look back to see if the much larger bird was still following. It made her somewhat nervous. The creature was clearly predatory, dangerous, yet she knew it was her human. So she repressed the instinctual urge to flee.

After about an hour [Harry wasn't sure how he knew that] of flight, he saw Hedwig circle an area and descend. He did likewise, landing on a roof. Well more like a skid/crash, but not bad for a first try. He panted more from excitement than exhaustion, he could have flown for hours. With his now amazing ears, he could not only hear the inhabitants of the house below his feet stirring, he could hear their heartbeats.

Hedwig rolled her eyes at the sloppy landing, then took on the short flight from tree to girl's window and tapped her beak on it.

"What are you doing here this time of night, Hedwig?" asked Hermione.

In answer, the owl shook her head and didn't offer a leg. What she did do was lean back on the window sill and turn her head. Then repeat the action a few times. She then said to Harry "Land in the backyard."

"You want me to go out back, girl?" Hermione tried to confirm, giving her breast feathers a gentle stroke.

Ian Granger was most annoyed "Hermione, now you know your mother and I need to get to work tomorrow. Holiday for us starts July 1."

"What is going on dear?" asked Michelle Granger.

Hermione threw up her arms "Mum! Dad! If I knew that I wouldn't be following the instructions of a grouchy big-headed snowy owl. Oh my!" Opening her back door, the teen saw a distinctly dangerous looking bird standing next to Hedwig.

"Sweetheart, never mind why your friend's owl has probably torn half the tiles off our roof." Mrs. Granger complained. Part-time bird watcher that she was, she knew this one "And can you tell me why an American Bald Eagle is on the wrong continent in my back yard?"

Ian nodded and gestured wordlessly, then "What your mother said?"

"Hedwig? Help?" she asked of the owl.

The two birds went into a remarkable exchange of squawks, then the eagle began a strange dance. When he was finished, he hopped onto the porch near the humans and squawked loudly. One wing swept out and pointed. Scratched into the grass in their back yard was **I HARRY**.

"Ridiculous!" Ian complained "Some kind of animatronic. People can't become animals.

The eagle squawked again, swung his wing to hit the man's leg and pointed emphatically at the ground.

"Sorry Dad. I know two." Answered Hermione "Professor McGonagall is a cat. A friend of Harry's Dad is a dog. But, Harry, how could … no…I don't believe it. You can't do it that fast. It is impossible."

The eagle squawked, jumped into the grass, danced around some more and jumped back. Wing shot out. This time sloppily squared off lettering, but understandable **MAGIC**.

"Well, it's wonderful then." She said with an exasperated tone "Change back and tell us about it."

Harry shook his head a couple of times.

"Why not?" she demanded.

Back to scratching the lawn, he wrote **CANT**.

"What does he mean?" asked Michelle.

Instead of being pleased with an explanation, Hermione frowned "Do you mean to tell me, you managed to change yourself into a bird of prey you have never even seen before? And now you cannot change back? What kind of idiot doesn't learn BOTH!"

Harry had been nodding dejectedly with each question. Then squawked angrily at the last one.

"I don't believe our daughter is actually arguing with a bird." Ian slapped himself in the middle of his forehead "Who has apparently been convinced that he is her teenage friend! Michelle? Coming to bed? Shall we read Alice in Wonderland?"

Hermione actually giggled at that and quoted "Six impossible things before breakfast. I think I can prove it. At least to myself anyway. Harry! Hop up on the table, there…..Right. Now stay still please…..i want to get closer…I won't hurt you…..….Mum? How many birds have green eyes?...And I defy anyone to say they have seen an American Bald Eagle with a bolt of lightning between his green eyes."

Hedwig melodramatically clapped her wings together and barked, laughing. Harry squawked at her indignantly. They argued back and forth for a couple minutes.

"If that really is your friend" Ian began "can you explain the owl?"

Harry flapped his wings and screeched at Hermione. He needed help.

"Yes Harry. I believe you." She acknowledged "So, you managed an Animagus. But now you can't change back. Right. Got that. You probably came here because I was closest. But really, I don't know how to undo an Animagus transformation. Who told you?"

Harry squealed happily, clapped his wings and jumped off the table. In the grass, he wrote **GET REMUS**.

"How?" asked Hermione with a confused look.

Both birds put their heads in the ground and whined. Hedwig hopped on one leg toward the girl, while the eagle angrily scratched in the dirt **OWL LTTR**


	87. Chapter 87:Marge

**Harry Does Different Zzzn**

Marge

"Oh Vernon! It's no good." Petunia Dursley wailed. "Mrs. Figg broke her foot."

Cousin Dudley whined "I don't want him coming! He'll ruin my Zoo trip. Piers hates him!"

"We could phone Marge?" Uncle Vernon suggested.

His wife shook her head "Don't be silly, Vernon, she hates the boy."

"Feeling's mutual." Harry muttered "Stinking fat bitch."

"What did you say about my sister, boy?" the massive man snarled.

Something went off in Harry that moment. He had enough of the abuse, the slaving, he didn't care, repeating "I called her a stinking…fat…. Uhhhhhhhhhnnnnnnnn!"

"Mr. and Mrs. Dursley? Dr. Griffiths. I am afraid your nephew is in a very bad way." The emergency room physician approached the worried looking couple "It would almost be easier to tell you what is NOT wrong with the poor bairn. Broken arm, wrist, knee, shoulder and these are relatively trivial. Back broken in two places, a broken rib punctured both a kidney and his spleen. I wish I could offer more hope."

The couple looked at each other sadly, nodded to each other, the uncle said "Such a shock Doctor. The boy has always been so small, but so much stronger than he looks. Insists on doing things that are really beyond him. Do all you can. Pet, I should go see Dudley."

"Of course, Vernon." She kissed his cheek then wiped at her own and watched him leave "Just like him. My husband has always been a compassionate one. I've always had to make the hard choices. This is coming from my dear sister, I think, you shouldn't make any heroic efforts. If you understand what I am saying, and we are not a wealthy family, Dr. Griffiths."

He held her shoulder for a moment "You needn't worry about money, ma'am. Your only concern should- "

"CODE BLUE CODE BLUE!" the stentorian announcement came over the PA.

Dr. Griffiths left the room as part of a scramble of personnel. It was over an hour later he was back "There was another broken rib we didn't know about, Mrs. Dursley. Your nephew briefly awoke, struggled against his restraints and it came loose. The rib …well, I'll spare you the details… we had no choice but to remove it and his right lung."

"What now, Doctor?" asked Petunia.

He reported sadly "He's critical. I can't promise he'll survive the evening. Might I suggest you, too, go home. You're all out. We'll call if …anything…"

"I understand. Thank you. I suppose I'll do like you say." She answered, and left.

An officer and Child Services counsellor appeared and asked "Well?"

"The injuries COULD have happened as they described." The doctor admitted "If the dresser they described was still overflowing with clothes and it was three flights of stairs he went down."

The counsellor asked "How about the kid?"

"I don't know what's keeping him alive." Griffiths gave a confused answer, a shrug, then "Magic?"

Abcij

"Why Petunia!" came from #7 "I saw the ambulance! We were all watching. Vernon didn't even pause. I'm so glad to see you. Is it Dudley then? Or Harry?"

She sighed at her neighbor, fake emotions were difficult to get rid of "I'm afraid it was Potter. Clumsy really. And insisting on moving furniture alone. You should just see it. Anyway, it doesn't seem too severe, Mrs. Figg. I think we might try to still get a dinner out for Duddy's birthday. Take the poor tyke's mind off it."

"I'm sorry, but what are you saying, Mrs. Dursley?" she asked "Harry got hurt?"

Petunia nodded "Well, like I mentioned, he was moving some furniture. It slipped and he fell down the steps. I really just need to get my mind off things for a bit. Please excuse me."

"Of course, dear. Give him my best." Mrs. Figg waved goodbye. She rushed into her house, even ignoring the protests of her outraged felines. Straight to her fireplace and yelling "ALBUS DUMBLEDORE!"

A smiling, relaxed old face appeared in the fire "Hello Arabella, my dear. How are you today?"

"Just fine Albus." She snapped "But I'm not here for me. You have me watching Harry. And I just saw Petunia returning from the hospital. I have seen both the other Dursleys, so that leaves Harry. And she just told me he was hurt moving furniture. Badly enough she is making sure her son gets out to have time to forget."

Dumbledore acted rather unconcerned, but said "I will, of course, have a look see. Thank you for your report."

"And you are?" the security guard at the desk asked.

The tall man with long white beard smiled "Of course, my good man. Albus Dumbledore. I rushed here as soon as I heard about young Harry's accident."

"Harry…..here we are, Potter." the middle aged black woman said "Now, Mr. Dumbledore, how are you connected to the patient? You understand about confidentiality."

He nodded, eyes twinkling over the half-moon rims of his glasses and lied through his teeth "I'm the boy's grandfather, here, see my identification." It was an ordinary scrap of paper.

"You see, our policies are for his protection sir." She said "I'll be glad to show you. Thank you."

The moment he was in the hospital room, he put a notice-me-not charm on the door and mesmerized the nurse on duty. The information on the chart was beyond him, but quite lengthy. All the machines, tubes and beeps did little to further his knowledge. So he called "Boxey?"

"Headmaster call?" asked the Hogwarts elf.

He nodded "Indeed, thank you, Boxey. Please tell Madam Pomfrey to collect what she might need to treat a seriously wounded child. Let her know she will be in a Muggle Hospital, and bring her here. Tell her it is most urgent."

The mediwitch looked around the moment she arrived "Involving yourself with Muggles, Albus? Oh my! Patient Harry Potter! I see." She read over the chart without difficulty, but with mounting distress "I am going to need much undisturbed time. Please make sure. I cannot completely heal him without giving away our existence, but I can get him out of danger. Without intervention, he'd be dead in hours. Too much longer and even our methods would not have helped."

"I would need to change some records to match Harry's new condition. Poppy, can you direct me? It has been a long time since I have had to do that." He said.

She knew nothing about hospital processes except what she learned in healer training, but that was years ago and out of date at the time. But under her direction some written records were changed. They left as unseen as they arrived, what they'd done was enough to help the wounded boy's condition. It would seem remarkable but not miraculous.

abcij

"Understand, Marge, it is important we seem concerned for the brat." Vernon told his sister as they rode the elevator to the intensive care unit "He was in desperate need of some discipline, but I just got a little carried away."

The duty nurse recognized him on arrival and let him in despite suspicions that were percolating around about the grievously wounded preteen. "Mr. Dursley? And, I'm sorry, you are?"

"Marge Dursley, my sister." He answered "How is my nephew?"

She nodded at the impolite looking woman "Miss Dursley… how do you do? Harry, made it through the night. It was touch and go, but he had a lucky turn. He's not out of the woods by any means however if this continues he may actually recover. Not fully, mind you, but we're cautiously optimistic."

"Stupid brat, can't even die right!" Marge Dursley, who was standing right beside the boy's bed, sneered.

Harry, unconscious, heard that, recognized the voice. And his magic recognized a threat. And acted.

They all saw it happen. The Doctor, the nurse, an orderly, the Dursleys. Marge blew up like a hot air balloon. Except she kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger. And, like any overinflated balloon. She eventually popped. Blood and guts were everywhere, except, mysteriously…not the patient. Comatose Harry was utterly dry.


	88. Chapter 88:Bad Ginny

**Harry Does Different Zzzo**

Bad Ginny

"Mum! Look! Harry Potter! There he is!" exclaimed Ginny.

Mrs. Weasley shoved her hand down roughly "Shame on you, Ginevra! It is rude to point!"

"Oh I don't mind really, ma'am." Said Harry "She's a lot nicer than some people who point at me. And prettier too."

The young redhead tucked her chin in her chest. She was blushing violently. Scuffed her shoe on the floor. So she was deeply surprised when her crush grabbed her by the shoulders and crashed their lips together. Even more so when he folded his arms around her.

"Wh-wh-why this is all too much!" Mrs. Weasley exclaimed, sensibilities outraged "Stop mauling my little girl you-you!"

Harry ignored her until the woman pushed the preteens apart "I don't see the problem, ma'am." He assumed an attitude of complete innocence.

"Attacking our sister!" Fred complained.

George added "Not smart mate."

"Fun." Ginny whimpered, touching her bruised lips.

Mrs. Weasley pushed her farther away "Whatever do you mean! You-you! How were you raised?"

"Just copying what I see, ma'am." Said Harry, politely "Happens in the Gryffindor showers all the time. Fred grabs Katie like that, lots. Sometimes it's George. Then Alicia grabs George. I don't think she can tell them apart, because she always yells FRED. Angelina likes it between both of them. They said I had to get someone my own age."

Mrs. Weasley managed to look at her sons, daughter and Harry all at once. No words came out, though. The twins were giving their mother very worried looks.

Ginny glanced around at her brothers and mother, then decided "Again!" She grabbed Harry and crashed their lips together again.


	89. Chapter 89:Sorry McGonagall

**Harry Does Different Zzzp**

Sorry McGonagall

"And you, Mr. Potter… I think an appropriate punishment will be assisting Professor Lockhart answering his fanmail." The stern witch glared at her Gryffindor.

Harry blinked and looked up in terror squealing "No not that! Please not that! ANYTHING but that!

"You got off light, in my opinion." Protested Hermione.

Harry scathingly retorted "Mind your business, Granger. I do better against Voldemort than I'd do against Lockhart."

"Do not say that name, Potter!" the professor's eyes flashed angrily.

Harry smirked "Whyever not, Professor?"

"Because I told you so, Potter." She answered gruffly "And, if you do I will give you a most harsh detention."

Harry laughed, YES actually laughed at that. Hermione looked like a stroke victim when he said "You can't Professor."

"And whatever makes you think that, Mr. Potter?" she was visibly building a wave of anger.

Again, he only smiled "Professor Dumbledore said use the name. I'd more than earned the right. You can't punish me for doing something he told me to do."

The Head of Gryffindor blinked. Had she been outwitted by a boy who couldn't even touch her chin? And there he was smiling up at her.


	90. Chapter 90:Shrivelfig

**Harry Does Different Zzzq**

Shrivelfig

Draco Malfoy walked into Potions class, arm in a sling from being 'attacked' by Buckbeak. Pansy Parkinson swooned over him. He put on a beave act and asked "Professor, I need some help due to my injury. You understand, sir?"

"Potter. Skin Mr. Malfoy's shrivelfig for him." Snape ordered, that special look on his face reserved for one person.

Harry gave a disgusted snort "He's not hurt. He can ruddy do it himself."

"Ten points from Gryffindor, Potter! How dare you speak to me in that tone of voice?" Snape's whole demeanor turned angry. "Detention!"

Harry shrugged and continued skinning HIS shrivelfig. It took perhaps half a minute for the professor to realize his instructions were not being obeyed. Harry ignored the tapping fingers next to his burner for a few more seconds before asking in a bored tone "You need something, Professor?"

"Gryffindors note, that is another ten points for Potter's defiance." Snape said coldly "I am waiting for you to skin Mr. Malfoy's shrivelfig."

Harry looked him right in the eye and asked "Why does Malfoy get a Mister and I don't?"

"That's be another ten points, Potter." Snape ruled "Now, get your arrogant ass over there and do as I ordered."

Harry made a show of looking at his backside and said "Ass, stop being arrogant! As for your little pet, it'll be a cold day in hell before a Potter waits on a Malfoy." He went back to adding shrivelfigs to his potion.

abcij

"And the brat had the unmitigated nerve to defy me in front of a full classroom!" Severus concluded his speech of towering wrath.

The force of the disappointed expressions bore down on Harry. Who immediately complained "My turn, yet? Peachy. He ordered me to do Malfoy's work for him? Now what would I get out of that? Extra credit? What about my own classwork? Never mind that. No Potter will ever pander to a Malfoy!"

"I do not find it right to expect Mr. Potter to do Mr. Malfoy's classwork." McGonagall acknowledged.

Dumbledore held up a hand and took over "While Professor McGonagall has a valid point, your behavior Harry was utterly disrespectful of Professor Snape. You will serve the detentions assigned."

"No." he replied, monosyllabically.

McGonagall was shocked to stammering "Wh-wwh-what? Of course you will serve detention!"

"Arrogant little brat!" Snape growled ominously "Like his father!"

Harry sneered "Detention Snape! Five points from Slytherin! How do you like it?"

"How dare you?" the Potion Master growled.

Harry shrugged and tossed it back "How dare you? I'm done listening to Greasy insult me and my family."

"Severus does have an acerbic manner." McGonagall pointed out "Especially, it seems, when it comes to Mr. Potter."

Harry added angrily "Ever since I walked into his dungeon. You know, my tuition pays your salaries. I deserve a lot more respect than I get around here."

"Be that as it may." Dumbledore's magic was beginning to shine through "Professors require and deserve respect of their position and experience. In addition to Professor Snape's detention, I am adding a further week to engrave the concept of respect upon you, Harry. And fifty points from Gryffindor."

The boy got out of his chair and calmly, coolly said two simple words "Expel me."

"That meets with my approval." Severus opined.

Harry snorted "No one asked your opinion, greaseball." He looked at the Headmaster, crossed his arms, deliberately ignoring the furious Potion Master, and demanded "Well?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Harry." said Dumbledore "Return to your dormitory. Your detentions start tomorrow evening, with Mr. Filch."

Harry started out, paused at the door "Mark my words. Either Snivilus goes, or I do." He'd known it was coming, his wand was already moving before he spoke. He caught Snape's spell on his wandtip, behind his back. Too bad it missed him, but it destroyed several items on the Headmaster's shelves. He looked back, smirked and strolled out.


	91. Chapter 91:Ripper

**Harry Does Different Zzzr**

Ripper

"So, you're still here, are you." Said Marge as she shoved her way in and pushed her umbrella at Harry.

He answered "Yes."

"Don't say yes in that ungrateful tone." She lectured at him "Good of my brother to keep you at all. If you'd landed on my door…would've been straight to an orphanage."

Harry snidely retorted "Been an improvement."

"What was that, boy?" she questioned, hostilely.

He answered sarcastically "Are you deaf, and fat?"

"Ripper! Get him!" she commanded, her vicious little brown and white bulldog.

Now, Harry had just come back from killing a basilisk with nothing but a sword. He looked down at the yipping creature with disdain and stomped his foot.

Ripper growled and snarled back.

"Go on! Try it you little snot!" Harry yelled aggressively "Better call him off me Marge. Or I might smash his ugly little pan.

Ripper took a bite at the human's foot.

"Mangy little ankle biter!" Harry spat as he kicked the dog right in the belly.

Ripper scrambled across the floor and hid under his owner's skirt.

"Bet you won't do that again." Said Harry with a smirk. And went to 'his' room.

Vernon stomped up the stairs after him and shouted "I told you I'd sign your stinking form IF YOU BEAHAVED! Well now you can FORGET IT!"

"Behaving doesn't cover getting bit by that little shit!" Harry cursed "And you'll sign it NOW or you haven't begun to see me behave!"


	92. Chapter 92:Hog's Head

**Harry Does Different Zzzs**

Hog's Head

"So, is that what you're all here for?" asked Harry with a tone of resentment.

Zach Smith arrogantly noted "Looks like the ayes have it, Potter. Everyone wants to know and you were the only one who was there. Speak."

"Hmpf!" Harry snorted. "I could tell the lot of you to go to hell."

There was a ripple of anger, especially among the Hufflepuff contingent.

"But, you know what, Smith?" he went on, now emotionlessly "If I'm going to relive it, the lot of you are going to relive every detail with me. You got the stomach for it? Then sit yourselves back down."

A few gulped slightly, but no one moved

"You don't have to Harry." Said Hermione.

He glared at her "They started it. You don't have to stay."

"Course we do, mate." Said Ron, looking angrily at the rest of the group.

Harry's tone got distant, cold "Me and Cedric both touched the cup. It was a portkey to a cemetery. I landed on a grave. Voldemort's father's. We both pulled our wands. I got that pain I get whenever he's near. Then I hear this high-pitched voice say ' _Kill the spare'_ Next thing, Wormtail comes out fires the Avada Kedavra. Everyone remember that spider from the fake Moody?"

The youngest of the group, like Colin and Dennis Creevey didn't have that particular presentation. But they were spellbound with the rest.

"That sick green glow." He went on, all but oblivious to the audience "One second, he had this fierce ready to take on the world look. It blasted him into a wall. When the body stopped bouncing, his face was just a little bit green and had this surprised expression. Kind of like that look when you sit on a tac, you know. Except it was totally frozen that way. It was still warm, his face, but his eyes…they were…staring…at, well nothing."

Boys looked away. Girls, some just wiped at tears, others openly wept. Susan Bones was supporting Hannah Abbott who was vomiting in the corner.

"Alright there, Abbott?" asked Harry, touching her on the back. When she nodded he added callously "Good. Now get your ass back on that bench because I'm not done yet."

Luna said "The wackspurts are dispersing as we speak."

"That was heartless Potter." Smith complained.

Harry's eyes barely flickered at the Hufflepuff boy "So, there I was looking into Cedric's dead face. I was yanked off him, my arm was sliced open so my blood could be used to revive Voldemort. Oh! Come on people! Get over it!"

"You don't understand Harry!" Susan half cried.

He looked at her, pityingly "No. I don't. You of all people, are the most like me and Neville. How many of you fluffs lost BOTH your parents? So, while my arm is still bleeding all over the place, Voldemort taunts me insulting my parents and sneering over Cedric's body. Desecrating it, by stepping on his face. Imagine dreaming that every night! And in a fraction of a second, I had a moment to honor his spirit's last request to bring his body home. Not leave it with a bunch of evil monsters. And they all bloody lived happily ever after! The bloody end!"

Disgusted looks and tears were all over the room. Justin Finch-Fletchley was furious "That was a horrible story, Potter!"

"YOU wanted it!" Harry retorted "Or do you want to believe Fudge that Cedric dropped dead of Dragon-pox? If you do, well, there's the bloody door. Don't let it hit you in the ass on the way out." With that, he turned his back on the whole assemblage and stood there rigid as a statue. He lost track of time staring at the filthy wall and not even Ron or Hermione dared to touch him.

There was shuffling of feet, whispering, angry noises back and forth. Smith finally asked "He's really back?"

"Of course he is." Said Luna "Harry said so. That's what this is all about."

That made him turn and smile. He couldn't help himself. He walked over and hugged the Ravenclaw's shoulders and whispered just for her "Thank you."

"So, you're just another student." Justin persisted "and a Fifth. They're Sevenths, some Sixths. What qualifies you to teach over a Ministry authorized professor?"

Harry gave a shrug "None of you can even say his name. I fought Voldemort to a draw four months ago. So two questions, anyone think they can take me? And anyone think they can learn from Umbridge?"

"No." Justin mouthed silently and sat, despite being a head taller. And no one else was willing to take up a challenge.


	93. Chapter 93:Stop Umbridge

**Harry Does Different Zzzt**

Stop Umbridge

"Essence of Murlap is the answer, Harry." Said Hermione, leading him to the Hospital Wing. She managed to pilfer a quantity to treat her friend's immediate need. "But it's only a temporary fix. It will not work forever."

He took it gratefully "Thanks, Mione." And they fled before Madam Pomfrey appeared.

"I still think you should tell Professor Dumbledore." She added, as they turned a corner "Or at least Professor McGonagall."

And the aforementioned teacher was there "Tell us what Miss Granger?"

"Ahhh…errrr, that is…" the girl stammered around.

Harry cut her off, eyes dull "We were just discussing the benefits of keeping our heads down, Professor."

"Well, you should get going before you are late for Defense class." She told them.

After they were away, Hermione criticized "That wasn't very polite. She could've taken points or given detention."

"Eh, what else is new?" he grunted "With Umbridge around we're finishing last anyway."

She scoffed "You don't know that."

"Hermione, I would bet everything in my vault." He sneered.

Some days later a highly agonized Harry paused in eating because his hand hurt too much. And while looking around, he noticed a girl eating awkwardly with her wrong hand. She was in Ravenclaw, but sitting in the middle of a big, empty space. It was Ginny's friend he met on the carriages between the station and the castle. Ignoring the odd looks, he sat beside her "Luna? Hi. Remember me? Harry? May I see your hand?"

"No." she denied softly.

He set his scarred hand in front of her and said "Please."

"I am sorry, Harry Potter." Said the quiet girl, putting hers gently on his.

He as gently traced a finger along her scars and said "It's time we did something about this. Did you tell Professor Flitwick?"

"Uh-huh." She nodded.

He frowned "Lemme guess? Keep your head down? Take a walk with me?"

"That sounds enjoyable." She answered brightly.

While a few mildly curious eyes followed the pair about, nothing especially suspicious was thought about it. Even when they walked to the Hufflepuff table. There wasn't a lot of space on either side of Susan Bones. The redhead was quite popular, and had a few highly protective friends.

"What do you want, Potter?" Justin Finch-Fletchley rose to his impressive six-foot height.

Harry was barely intimidated and mentioned "Maybe, well, it's not quite a life debt, but I called a poisonous snake off you a couple years ago. We just want to ask Susan to take a walk with us for a bit."

"Why?" asked Hannah.

Luna looked her over for a moment, then raspily answered "Harry wants to start a harem. Would you like to join?"

"Wha? I err… I mean to say…" the blonde Hufflepuff soon fell silent.

Susan blushed quite a bit, but stood coolly [drawing a few stares] commented "Well, unconventional, but the best offer I had today." She walked around the Ravenclaw and took Harry's other arm, swishing her hips, making sure her and his robes brushed each other.

"I-i-ii'm not really starting a harem, s-s-Susan." stammered Harry as they were alone in the hall.

Luna stomped her foot "Oh! Pygmy Puff Poodoo!"

"She's kidding ….I uhhh think." He said, uncomfortably "Anyway, we both have a problem I hope you can help with."

Susan shrugged, allowing the harem joke to die "What's up?"

"Did you know your aunt was at my trial?" asked Harry. She nodded and he continued "Well, just for an instant, she locked eyes with me and I knew she was on my side. If I tell her something else, something bad about someone important in the Ministry, I hope she will again."

Susan gave a shake of her head "That's a little too vague."

"Have you had detention with Umbridge?" he asked.

She nodded "Once or twice."

"Lines?" he persisted.

She acknowledged "Yeah. Why?"

"Did she give you a quill that didn't need ink?" he hinted.

She frowned "That's beginning to sound Dark. Auntie told me about Blood Quills. Is that what you're talking about? Show me your hands?" When they did "Oh Auntie hates her. And I know why she wouldn't dare try it on me. Because of Auntie, obviously. They hate each other. Were here together. Get me proof and Auntie will be glad to pull her down."

 **Professor Umbridge's Office**

The sickening pink room full of gaudy framed pictures of disgustingly sweet kittens. Harry Potter loathed felines now. It was a Saturday after breakfast and he walked in, saying sullenly "Good Morning Professor Umbridge."

"Good morning Mr. Potter." She said sweetly. Plopped a sugar cube in a cup of tea, stirred it a few times, pointed her quill at him, and continued "You know the routine, young man."

He muttered "Yes ma'am."

"Enter!" she squeaked to a knock on the door "Oh, Miss Lovegood! Do come in!"

The Ravenclaw meekly curtseyed and barely whispered "Thank you Professor Umbridge."

"Tut-tut speak up young lady." She scolded , pointing her quill.

Luna's eyes flicked to Harry, then back to the woman and "Sorry Professor Umbridge."

"Better." She said sweetly "Now, you know your routine, Miss Lovegood. We will resolve this regrettable behavior, my dears. Mr. Potter resume your lines please. Miss Lovegood, take your seat there. Begin….ahhhhhhhh!"

After less than a minute, Luna gasped, the signal for Harry to drop his quill on the floor. As soon as he was out of the chair, the Ravenclaw tossed her quill in the air [drawing Umbridge's attention] whipped out her wand and fired a stunner. Harry, in a single motion, scooped his fallen quill off the floor, snatched Luna's out of the air and fled. He hated abandoning his friend, but as was pointed out, he could outrun anyone in the castle short of Freinze.

" _Stupefy_!" Umbridge fired angrily. Luna wasn't quite a match for the Professor, she went down with a thud. Moving as fast as her short legs could carry her, she set off in pursuit yelling "STOP POTTER!" Only momentarily was she close enough to get off a spell that didn't even come close to him.

Harry skidded into the Great Hall and yelled "SUSAN BONES!" It was too crowded to get to her. He leapt onto the nearest table, ran down its length until he was close. Then bounded from table to bench to table until he jumped past her and landed on the floor behind her. He snatched the envelope she offered out of her hand and threw himself out the stained glass window.

"STOP HIM STOP HIM!" the defense professor screeched. Unfortunately, she was drowned out by students applauding Harry's acrobatics. Unable to get through the crowd, she turned away and out the main gate. This was to huge advantage as the boy had to run right past there on his way to the owlery.

Harry saw her and cursed. He ducked one spell and jumped over another. Most of the way to the owlery, he Tweeted as loud as he could, summoning his familiar. Still on the run, he put the two Blood Quills in the envelope Susan handed him, noted the letter inside, and sealed it. Hedwig swooped down, slowed as she settled over him and grabbed the envelope in her talons.

" _Avada Kedavra_!" yelled Umbridge, wand aiming at the sky. The green spell streaked past the rapidly ascending owl. She ignored Harry as she ran past him. She fired again, this time it was way wide. She stopped running, and settled a careful aim on target…" _Avada_ _Kedaaaaaaaa_ "

A little winded, but Harry quickly built up a head of steam. The tackle would have done any linebacker proud. He hit the professor with his shoulder right in the side and the two hit the ground hard.

Abcij

"This is about the brat who assaulted me! The Hogwarts High Inquisitor! I DEMAND to be in this hearing!" Professor Umbridge screeched, at the door.

The head of Gryffindor coldly ordered "That is precisely why you SHALL NOT, Delores. The victim of an attack cannot possibly be an impartial judge. And will not as long as I am Deputy Headmistress. Our committee will hear what Mr. Potter has to say, then pass our recommendation to Professor Dumbledore. We have heard your testimony and will weigh it against what Mr. Potter has to say. Now, go."

"The rules will soon be changing around here, Minerva." She declared and stalked off.

Snape said "Let's get on with dealing with the brat."

"Stick it, Snivilus." Retorted Harry.

McGonagall cut off the Professor "Mr. Potter, your situation is difficult enough without insulting someone holding your fate."

"Maybe I no longer care, Professor Useless." The student retorted.

She snarled "I beg your pardon!"

"And I quote Keep your head down Remember that?" he shot back "I'm not impressed with shorty over there either."

The Head of Ravenclaw snapped furiously "How dare you!"

"Luna Lovegood!" Harry spat back "How long are you going to tolerate her being called Looney?"

Professor McGonagall cut in "Give us a reason, Mr. Potter, to not recommend to Professor Dumbledore, your expulsion. You violently assaulted a professor."

"Well, thanks to you lot how many kids have been tortured with blood quills?" he retorted angrily.

She looked shocked "Such an object is banned. Why did you not come to me?"

"Keep your head down, Potter!" he repeated maliciously, mocking her "YOU told me that the first time I complained about Umbridge. So what use were you? And shorty over there! Letting something like that happen to someone like Luna."

The Head of Ravenclaw was torn between anger, embarrassment and loathing "How was I supposed to know? And call me names again—"

"What, you'll take points? Gryffindor doesn't have any thanks to toadface." Harry cut him off in a drawling disgusted tone "Took me two minutes to tell. Where were you?"

McGonagall looked deeply pensive and told him "I think we have enough to make an informed decision. You may go, Potter, you will be informed of our decision."

"Ok." He got up and left the room.

Filius looked at his colleagues and sighed "I didn't like that look. Through all that anger, which, by the way needs correcting, all I just saw is disappointment. As if we are the children."

"Worse ever than his snot of a father." Severus declared "All of Potter's arrogance without even the admitted grades to support it."

Minerva smirked "Why, Severus! Complimenting James. Oh someday I will tell Harry. But now while he is in school. Regardless of this, what do we do?"

"Are we really as blind as he thinks we are?" asked Filius.

Severus decided "The boy attacked a teacher. As much as I dislike her, nothing can change that. Expel him. At once."

"I do not think I can sanction that." Said Filius, he had a habit of twirling his mustache "If it is true Delores was using blood quills, then I would have expected my Claws to come to me. However, what is it about Miss Lovegood that could have caused such a scene as we had today?"

Minerva gave him a compassionate look and answered "We cannot know everything around here my friend. It is the purpose behind the point system. To get the children to police themselves. As for Mr. Potter, perhaps we should wait to see what comes of today's events. And perhaps we should listen to what our students say. I will also advise Pomona."

Abcij

"Potter, the committee has temporarily delayed ruling on your fate." Snape told the teen "You are barred from class and may only leave Gryffindor tower for meals and to go to the library. Am I clear?"

Harry shrugged "Fine by me."

"Sir!" snarled Snape "We have had this discussion more than once."

To which, Harry shrugged "Go tell it to someone who cares."

"Bloody cool, Harry!" exclaimed Ron.

Hermione gave both boys death glares "Don't you know he could expel you now? Harry! You should be nice to him!"

"We both know he's already voted to expel me, Hermione." He used her lecture tone "So it makes no difference. You know? It's pretty liberating. Won't be having anymore detentions with Umbridge. If it works out right she'll be out of here."

Abcij

Not even a day later…it was lunch in the Great Hall. The doors opened dramatically to reveal Amelia Bones, who first said "Afternoon, Headmaster. I am here to investigate a very serious accusation. I first ask that Luna Lovegood and Harry Potter accompany Auror Tonks."

"Amelia, surely any investigation of a student should include their Head of House to guarantee their rights are protected." Said Dumbledore.

Madam Bones nodded "Well, Miss Lovegood and Mr. Potter are not being investigated. Auror Tonks will be interviewing them as the crime victims. Aurors Proudfoot and Shacklebolt, take Madam Delores Umbridge into custody. The charge, two counts of using a Dark Object as a torture device."

"I AM A THE UNDERSECRETARY TO THE MINISTER!" she screeched, whipping out her wand.

All three aurors were considerably faster "Incarcerous!" and Umbridge was utterly wrapped in ropes.

"Professor, I do apologize for disrupting lunch." Bones said as she put away her wand "Do you, or Professor Sprout, have any objection to my joining my niece? Thank you."

Harry, watching Umbridge floating out the doors, burst into applause. Luna, next to him, followed his lead. Most of the students were soon clapping.


	94. Chapter 94:Rumors

**Harry Does Different Zzzu**

Rumors

"Hey, Lavender, heard a couple of strange stories." Harry said casually to Rumor Central of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He'd purposely said it in front of her number two and with a few random students about "I wondered if you knew anything about them?"

Parvati looked faintly interested, asked "What have you heard?"

"Well, I'm pretty sure they BOTH can't be true." Harry offered, in sotto, drawing more attention.

Lavender grew a little curious "Well, I won't confirm or deny until I know what you're talking about."

"Sure, well, I heard that Dumbledore…before he FOUGHT Grindelwald…was in love with him." Harry offered to the rumor mill.

That was interesting, no end, to the rumor mill. "What else, Harry?" asked Lavender excitedly.

"Well, and I swear this isn't me." Harry lied "I'm not trying to attack Snape here. But, I heard our happy Potion Maker got out of Azkaban because Dumbledore vouched for him. I'm not one to assume, buuuut….Like we say in Arithmancy A + B = C." And he walked off whistling.

A week later the rumor mill had done its job. The little kernels of truth had grown wildly. One version had it that Dumbledore and Snape were having a gay affair. Another had it that Snape was Dumbledore's great-grandson by some unknown woman. Still, another had it that Snape was Grindelwald's great-grandson by some unknown woman. Most fascinating was the version that had Snape as Dumbledore AND Grindelwald's son.

"This whole story is utterly absurd!" exclaimed Draco Malfoy, who overheard Luna telling Harry.

At that Harry wondered "If that's true, Luna, who do you suppose would have carried Snape?"

"Don't even go there Potter!" Draco looked outraged "PROFESSOR!"

Harry guffawed, grabbed the Ravenclaw's hand "Let's beat it!" and pulled her down the hall.


	95. Chapter 95:Harry Hunting

**Harry Does Different Zzzv**

Harry Hunting

Fourteen girls and seventeen boys, with two empty seats, were in Mr. McConnell's third grade classroom. It was near the end of a muggy summer day and all the kids were antsy.

"By and large, you did quite well." The teacher was saying "I was particularly impressed with Marie, Victoria and Malcolm…not you, Mr. Hatch. Fractions and decimals are difficult for many and I can tell those who tried and those who did not. Bonnie, well done. Matthew, could have done better. Dennis, I think we'll need a parent/teacher conference. Renee, you too. Harry, I know you can do better. Piers, tsk tsk. Tina, well done. Jessica, not your best. Dudley, well higher than last time."

The clock was ticking to dismissal. The teacher was marching back to his desk. Piers Polkiss hissed "What did ya get freak?"

Harry turned around his **69** , not a grade he was proud of. He remembered purposely getting a number of them wrong. And not even trying several.

Dudley cracked his knuckles and showed a **54**. Piers, Dennis, Malcolm and Gordon all grinned maliciously.

"For homework tonight, I want you to do the problems at the end of Chapter 26. You may go." Mr. McConnell dismissed his class.

Harry had been more than half-packed the moment after his teacher announced returning the Math test. The second his cousin showed his dismal grade Harry knew he had to get out fast. On the word go he was out of his chair, he was out the door when the bell rang. But in a minute, he was engulfed in other young bodies. "Please let me by." He begged of a sixth-grade girl almost twice his size. She wasn't very understanding.

"STOP HIM!" Dudley yelled down the stairs "DON'T LET HIM OUT OR ELSE!"

His gang was busy chanting "Harry Hunting! Harry Hunting! Harry Hunting! Harry Hunting!"

The students in front and around Harry made no effort to get out of the way of a boy only the size of a first-grader. While Dudley and his five friends were not even the tallest of the third-graders, they were led by an exceptionally wide boy and made an impressive wedge among the kids trying to leave the building.

"Out!" Harry extolled the virtue of crawling under big kids' legs. As stuffy as the school was, outside was plain oppressive, it gave him hope he could escape Dudley's gang. Certainly he could outrun his cousin. Gordon and Piers were the fastest. He took off.

A sixth-grader almost fell over him, and heard the bully boys giving chase, so out of sheer meanness he tripped the fleeing bit of skin and bones. And even pointed Dudley's gang where to go.

"There he is!" Piers pointed excitedly as he rounded the corner. As they were turning around the back of the school, Gordon grabbed a bat off the ground and threw it at the fleeing boy. It took out the fleeing boy by the legs to the cheering of the all the pursuers.

Dudley leaned over his cousin, panting heavily for almost a minute before "You know…..how Dad feels….when you ….. do better'n'me…in school." He slapped Harry across the face just as Dennis kicked him in the shin.

"Can't even do worse'n you when I'm just guessing Dud." Harry looked up with hate in his eyes.

Dudley's ham fist came down hard "Stupid freak!" he pulled up his cousin, then let him fall.

"You're stupider than me!" Harry spat back as Gordon kicked him in the kidneys. Then to his horror saw Dudley jump high over him and bend his knees in the air. The tiny third-grader had a split second to ponder how much damage his cousin's knees planted on his frail form could do when laying on a cement sidewalk. His life flashed before his eyes as he slammed them shut in anticipation. He felt…something…then heard screaming. After perhaps half a minute, he realized it wasn't him screaming…nor was he hurt. He opened his eyes.

Dudley was determined to do some real damage to the freak this time. Dad would approve because of the Math test. Dad hated it more than he did when the freak outscored him..in anything. He could hurt the freak just by stepping on his stomach. But this was even better. Dudley jumped as high as he could and tucked his feet under his substantial rear end. "This'll teach YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" he cackled all the way up…and screamed most of the way down.

Harry sat up and quickly realized he wasn't where he had been. But he could hear his cousin's gang very close. He spun this way and that, in some confusion…until, that is…he realized he was sitting on the roof of one of the school annexes. Just about fifty feet to the right of where he'd been and ten feet up. "Oooh. Dudders. Looks like that hurt." He taunted.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Dudley was crying and holding both his knees, almost trying to reassemble the damaged parts. "Go get help! And kill that little freak!"

Dennis ran across the street to call for help. Piers held onto his leader who was in agony. Malcolm and Gordon went after Harry. The pair of bullies started climbing the walls. Malcolm was first getting his fingers on the school roof, Gordon much slower.

Harry ran over and stomped on one, then the other, of his hands. It was quite satisfying to him to watch the bully scream and slip off. He didn't have time to see if there was any injury, because Gordon had made much more progress. He was trying to swing a leg onto the roof. Harry ran over and kicked him in the head. He slipped and was again dangling. Malcolm was again gripping the edge and trying to pull himself up. Harry got there in time to almost step on his fingers before the bully let go again. Gordon had pulled himself back up, so Harry ran over and stomped on his head. The bully fell.

This was when sirens were heard. Two police cars, a fire engine and an ambulance.

"You boy!" Cop #1 yelled "Get off of there!"

Two Emergency Medical Technicians got out of the ambulance and rushed to Dudley "London General, this is squad 54. Patient is a boy approximately ten years of age. Grossly overweight. Suffering from two broken knees. Patient semi-conscious. Substantial blood loss."

"Acknowledged, Squad 54, London General" the reply came back through a speaker "Start IV with D5W add Toradol for pain and transport."

EMT #2 spoke "Acknowledged London General. ETA 10 minutes."

"What are you doing up there?" Cop #2 called to Harry.

He had just stomped on Malcolm's hand causing him to fall and cry out as his ankle snapped "They've been chasing me all day!"

"Got ya!" Fireman #2 celebrated as he pulled Gordon down.

Fireman #3 ordered Harry "Walk across the ladder and I'll get you off the engine!"

"Yessir." Harry answered obediently.

After getting his statement, Cop #1 let Harry ride home in the front seat and turn on the lights. And talk in the microphone. Cop #2 walked Harry up to the door of #4 Privet Dr. and knocked "Good afternoon, Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, your nephew here and your son were involved in an incident at Surrey Elementary this afternoon."

"Where is Dudley?" Petunia wanted to know immediately.

Cop #2 answered diplomatically "The EMTs thought it best to have him checked at the hospital. London General. He would be in the emergency room soon."

"What did you do to my son?!" Vernon yelled and yanked Harry in by the hair.

Cop #2 was shocked "Let the boy go, sir!" he ordered "NOW sir!"

"You're really gonna get it!" exclaimed Vernon, as he tossed Harry aside. "Officer, we'll need an esc—"

Cop #1 was running up the walk, as Cop #2 spun the corpulent man roughly around and slapped handcuffs on "Mr. Dursley you are under arrest for assault of a minor. Do you understand these-?"

"Let me go you buggerer!" Vernon caught the cop with a lucky elbow as he was locking one bracelet.

Cop #1 shoved the violent man, damaging #4's main door, and pushing him to the ground. Both cops forced the strained handcuffs onto Harry's uncle as the young boy looked on in shock. He swallowed nervously as he was led back to the car. Uncle Vernon was put, none too nicely, in the back seat. Cop #2 got in with him as Cop #1 buckled Harry in the front seat.

Harry was given a lady officer's cheese sandwich and a Coke at dinner time. Another lady who said she was from Child Services apologized for that and looked stern when Harry said it was more than normal. That night, Harry slept in his first bed ever. It was Vernon's first of many nights in jail. Petunia would follow several months later. Dudley would spend three months in casts and six more relearning how to walk [with his Aunt Marge]

Gordon and Malcolm served long suspensions, but it took them longer to heal from their injuries. Piers and Dennis couldn't be pinned to any crime. In fact, Dennis was given a Service Award by the Surrey Police Department.

Albus Dumbledore, focused on final exams, didn't speak to a panicked Arabella Figg until two weeks after the incident. By then, the bureaucracy had swallowed Harry.


	96. Chapter 96:Quidditch Paranoia

**Harry Does Different Zzzw**

Quidditch Paranoia

"Look. That fat lump Longbottom left it behind." Draco Malfoy laughed, bent over and picked up the young Gryffindor's rememberall from beside a tree.

Harry Potter stepped forward and ordered "Give it here Malfoy!"

"No I don't think I will." The Slytherin moved into the air "I think I'll leave it somewhere for Longbottom to find. Maybe on the roof perhaps!"

Harry floated up and repeated his demand "Give it here Malfoy!"

"Have it your way then!" exclaimed Draco as he let it fly with all his might.

Harry zipped off after the rememberall with everything he had. It was a brilliant display of flying and he topped it off with snatching the rememberall out of the air just before it shattered against the castle wall. Unaware of the fact he was observed during most of this by Professor McGonagall. He landed and accepted the plaudits of his Gryffindor classmates.

"Harry Potter!" Professor McGonagall exclaimed, looking entirely displeased, then ordered perfunctorily "Come with me!"

Pansy Parkinson snorted happily "You're out of here, Potter!"

All the Gryffindors, not least of all Harry himself, gave alarmed looks. The bespectacled boy meekly followed his stern looking Head of House. She marched briskly through the castle, forcing Harry to sometimes run to keep up. By the time she stopped he was breathing heavily.

"Professor, may I borrow Wood?" she asked of the Defense Professor.

Quirrell, holding a large reptile, nodded "O-o-of co-co-course."

Harry was only slightly relieved when a strapping young man came out. He'd thought 'wood' was a cane he was going to get beat with.

"Potter, this is Oliver Wood." She introduced him "Wood, I have found you a Seeker!"

Harry was highly uneasy when the older boy looked him up and down like a Christmas present. It only got worse when he squeezed his shoulders. He shoved the hands "Stop that! What's coming off here!"

"I have never seen flying like that, especially in a First Year!" exclaimed McGonagall, happily "Wood, he makes Charlie Weasley look bad. Potter. I'm putting you on the Gryffindor Quidditch team!"

Glaring at Oliver Harry ordered "I SAID GET YOUR BLOODY HANDS OFFA ME! Now, who? The what? Where?"

"Quidditch kid! Only the best game on Earth!" Oliver exclaimed, again touching Harry's shoulder. "YOW!"

The clueless, but defensive, First Year had whipped out his wand and dug it into the older boy's hand "Touch me again and it'll be worse! So, am I right assuming I'm not getting expelled or beat?"

"We do not beat students in Hogwarts, Potter." The professor argued brusquely "And what led you to believe I was planning on beating you?"

Keeping his eye on the boy who made him quite nervous "I dunno, ma'am. Marching me through half the school. Yelling in there for wood. Then this big brute comes out and starts grabbing at me. What would you think? MA'am?"

"I should have expected hearing the word Quidditch would have clued you in Potter." She refused to see the student's point of view.

He looked totally mystified. In total ignorance asked "Who's that?"

"QUID_DITCH, Harry" said Wood with near reverence "is not a who. It is the ONLY game the Wizarding World follows."

To that, he frowned "Really? Uncle Vernon must follow ten. There's football, of course, tennis, golf, polo….err…hmmm… well Aunt Petunia loves swimming and gymnastics. Dudley's into boxi-"

"Quiet." McGonagall cut off the list "Irrelevant Muggleness. I want to see you on the Gryffindor Quidditch team. You would greatly improve our chances in this year's tournament."

Harry gave a semi-interested shrug "I'll give it a try, I guess. As long as you can convince Wood there to keep his hands to himself. I'm …well… I don't much like being touched."

"Mr. Wood, I trust you can accommodate our new Seeker." She said.

Oliver, happy to have such a highly recommended fill for the critical position merely nodded "Meet me at the pitch Saturday morning 10am, Potter." And returned to class.

Abcij

Oliver brought him into the basics of Quidditch over the next few days and in their one-on-one instruction. Very quickly, Harry learned several basic and a couple medium Seeker moves. Two weeks later he was ready for his first team practice.

"Hi all." Harry said, rather bashfully, surrounded by all these older students.

Katie Bell asked "Got the rules down, kid?"

"Think so." He answered "My job is to catch the Snitch. You girls put the Quaffle in the goal. It's Wood's job to stop that. The Beaters are like blockers."

Oliver sent off the Snitch and said "Right. Everyone, we're going to spin around the pitch a few times. Loosen up. Nothing too crazy, just feel the rhythm. Then run a few practice plays. UP!"

Harry enjoyed the flying around. Watching the Chasers fire a couple easy shots at the goals. Which Oliver saved effortlessly. It was also interesting to follow the Weasley twins bounce the Bludgers between each other. All in all he was enjoying himself. He spotted the Snitch a couple of times, once he just let it go for the sake of enjoying the view. Then it happened, he was loafing near the empty side of the pitch when a Bludger came at him. He ducked it without much trouble, but then close…too close…he caught one of the twins bash the other one right into him.

abcij

"Gently, Mr. Potter." Said Madam Pomfrey "Eaaaasy! Sit up slowly. Do you remember what happened? How do you feel?"

Harry groaned as his brain slowly came back online "Yeah, I 'member." He said through a fat lip "Firs practice at Idditch, an one o' dem two bastards tried to murder me!"

"What!" exclaimed Fred

George rolled on "Part of the"

F "game mate!"

"Da hell 'way fromme!" screamed Harry angrily as he threw his drinking cup that only missed George's head to his quick reflexes.

Professor McGonagall caught his arm before he could throw his pillow…admittedly not a damage causer, but still…And ordered "Restrain yourself, Potter! I think a night to calm down would do you good. Be ready to behave yourself tomorrow, or I will be forced to take action."

Harry spent the night burning with resentment. He didn't care it was his new friend's older brother. He'd easily been twenty feet off the ground and could've died. Sure the grass FELT soft when you walked on it, but he knew he'd spent hours out cold. What kind of _game_ allowed people do to stuff like that? It was infinitely worse than dodgeball. At least that was on the ground and the ball was rubber…it usually didn't hurt unless it hit the face.

abcij

"Good morning, Mr. Potter." Madam Pomfrey greeted him with the rising Sun. "I already checked you over. No permanent damage done. You're free to go. Breakfast should be starting."

Harry smiled at her "Thank you, ma'am. I feel okay. Hope I won't be back. Have a nice day."

"Why, thank you, Mr. Potter." She replied, pleased.

abcij

Behind his politeness, Harry wasn't going to let that attack stand. He wouldn't be answering to his Aunt and Uncle for fighting back against Dudley here. And, since a teacher didn't seem interested: He ran out to the Quidditch lockers, grabbed a Beater bat and made his way to the Great Hall. He spotted the Weasley twins and walked down the aisle behind them, bat hidden up one robe sleeve, said a few meaningless greetings along the way. They were sitting together, he whipped out the bat and swung with all his might catching George in the back. When Fred came off the bench, he was jabbed in the belly then took a whack on the chin as he bent over.

"Potter! Up here at once! And drop that bat!" McGonagall was outraged, all the students were simply shocked by the assault. Many were literally hanging their jaws open "What is the meaning of this-this premeditated dastardly attack!"

Harry slammed his bat into a pillar, then onto the floor; it split in half "Glad to!" he retorted, marching up to her "After one of them nearly killed me all YOU said was how I wasn't behaving! If I can't depend on you lot [he swept the Head Table with a hand] I'll get justice for myself!"

"Assault, Mr. Potter, is NEVER a justifiable response for ANY discretion." She retorted, forcefully.

The boy glared up at the professor "Oh? Where do YOU rate attempted murder?"

"Perhaps this should be taken into my office, Professor? Harry?" Dumbledore more than suggested.

Harry snorted, looked around the crowded Hall, answered "As if! Every time that happened, my cousin and his gang got off and I got punished.

"Think you woke up" Fred began, holding a broken tooth.

And George finished, barely able to sit "sore, just wait Potter!"

"Misters Weasley, enough out of you for now." McGonagall said, thoroughly frustrated "I will NOT have violence in my House. Am I clear? Now, Potter, why do you insist one of them assaulted you."

Harry was outright insulting "Weren't you paying attention? I'll repeat it, one of those gits whacked some stupid stone that landed me half dead on the pitch."

"Harry, mind your tone." Dumbledore scolded him "Now, I doubt Misters Weasley, either of them had malicious intent. Boys?"

George spoke for the pair as Fred's tooth was being reset by Madam Pomfrey "It was Fred, and all he did was hit a Bludger at Potter. Well within the rules. Not his fault Potter didn't dodge right."

"It seems to me, through no fault of his own, Harry was not given the full rules of Quidditch." Said Dumbledore, finding the true cause of the incident "Mr. Wood, might I be correct in that?"

A worried Oliver replied "But, sir! He shouldn't need it. I mean, he's a Potter! May as well be direct from Godric himself."

"Ahh…Oliver I mean not to assign blame, per se." said the Headmaster "Just locating the base cause of the incident. In future, we should all be aware that game rules may NOT be known by a particular child. Perhaps the rule of not allowing a First Year on the House teams has been preventing such incidents."

The Quidditch Captain looked alarmed "No Professor! You can't mean! I mean we just HAVE TO have Harry on the team. Professor McGonagall even says he's as good as Charlie ever was!"

"I don't think I want any part of it." Announced Harry "Too dangerous. Especially with backstabbers on the team." He was looking squarely at the Weasley twins.

George pointed out "Only one handing out back stabbings was you, mate."

"Pranks are one thing" Fred was speaking with a bit of a lisp "but we can do real war too."

Professor McGonagall cut off Harry from responding "There will be no violence in my House. And I will be expelling anyone who commits any such. I will not be handing out detentions, nor deducting House points. I will simply have your belongings thrown out the nearest window. Mr. Potter, sit and eat. Report to my office when you are finished." She swept out if the Great Hall, robes billowing.


	97. Chapter 97:Quidditch Paranoia 2

[a/n] Yes as you read it'll look very familiar. Just another take on a different Harry reaction.

 **Harry Does Different Zzzx**

Quidditch Paranoia 2

"Look. That fat lump Longbottom left it behind." Draco Malfoy laughed, bent over and picked up the young Gryffindor's rememberall from beside a tree.

Harry Potter stepped forward and ordered "Give it here Malfoy!"

"No I don't think I will." The Slytherin moved into the air "I think I'll leave it somewhere for Longbottom to find. Maybe on the roof perhaps!"

Harry floated up and repeated his demand "Give it here Malfoy!"

"Have it your way then!" exclaimed Draco as he let it fly with all his might.

Harry zipped off after the rememberall with everything he had. It was a brilliant display of flying and he topped it off with snatching the rememberall out of the air just before it shattered against the castle wall. Unaware of the fact he was observed during most of this by Professor McGonagall. He landed and accepted the plaudits of his Gryffindor classmates.

"Harry Potter!" Professor McGonagall exclaimed, looking entirely displeased, then ordered perfunctorily "Come with me!"

Pansy Parkinson snorted happily "You're out of here, Potter!"

All the Gryffindors, not least of all Harry himself, gave alarmed looks. The bespectacled boy meekly followed his stern looking Head of House. She marched briskly through the castle, forcing Harry to sometimes run to keep up. By the time she stopped he was breathing heavily.

"Professor, may I borrow Wood?" she asked of the Defense Professor.

Quirrell, holding a large reptile, nodded "O-o-of co-co-course."

Harry was only slightly relieved when a strapping young man came out. He'd thought 'wood' was a cane he was going to get beat with.

"Potter, this is Oliver Wood." She introduced him "Wood, I have found you a Seeker!"

Harry was highly uneasy when the older boy looked him up and down like a Christmas present. It only got worse when he squeezed his shoulders. He shoved the hands "Stop that! What's coming off here!"

"I have never seen flying like that, especially in a First Year!" exclaimed McGonagall, happily "Wood, he makes Charlie Weasley look bad. Potter. I'm putting you on the Gryffindor Quidditch team!"

Glaring at Oliver Harry ordered "I SAID GET YOUR BLOODY HANDS OFFA ME! Now, who? The what? Where?"

"Quidditch kid! Only the best game on Earth!" Oliver exclaimed, again touching Harry's shoulder. "YOW!"

The clueless, but defensive, First Year had whipped out his wand and dug it into the older boy's hand "Touch me again and it'll be worse! So, am I right assuming I'm not getting expelled or beat?"

"We do not beat students in Hogwarts, Potter." The professor argued brusquely "And what led you to believe I was planning on beating you?"

Keeping his eye on the boy who made him quite nervous "I dunno, ma'am. Marching me through half the school. Yelling in there for wood. Then this big brute comes out and starts grabbing at me. What would you think? MA'am?"

"I should have expected hearing the word Quidditch would have clued you in Potter." She refused to see the student's point of view.

He looked totally mystified. In total ignorance asked "Who's that?"

"QUID_DITCH, Harry" said Wood with near reverence "is not a who. It is the ONLY game the Wizarding World follows."

To that, he frowned "Really? Uncle Vernon must follow ten. There's football, of course, tennis, golf, polo….err…hmmm… well Aunt Petunia loves swimming and gymnastics. Dudley's into boxi-"

"Quiet." McGonagall cut off the list "Irrelevant Muggleness. I want to see you on the Gryffindor Quidditch team. You would greatly improve our chances in this year's tournament."

Harry gave a semi-interested shrug "I'll give it a try, I guess. As long as you can convince Wood there to keep his hands to himself. I'm …well… I don't much like being touched."

"Mr. Wood, I trust you can accommodate our new Seeker." She said.

Oliver, happy to have such a highly recommended fill for the critical position merely nodded "Meet me at the pitch Saturday morning 10am, Potter." And returned to class.

Abcij

Oliver brought him into the basics of Quidditch over the next few days and in their one-on-one instruction. Very quickly, Harry learned several basic and a couple medium Seeker moves. Two weeks later he was ready for his first team practice.

"Hi all." Harry said, rather bashfully, surrounded by all these older students.

Katie Bell asked "Got the rules down, kid?"

"Think so." He answered "My job is to catch the Snitch. You girls put the Quaffle in the goal. It's Wood's job to stop that. The Beaters are like blockers."

Oliver sent off the Snitch and said "Right. Everyone, we're going to spin around the pitch a few times. Loosen up. Nothing too crazy, just feel the rhythm. Then run a few practice plays. UP!"

Harry enjoyed the flying around. Watching the Chasers fire a couple easy shots at the goals. Which Oliver saved effortlessly. It was also interesting to follow the Weasley twins bounce the Bludgers between each other. All in all he was enjoying himself. He spotted the Snitch a couple of times, once he just let it go for the sake of enjoying the view. Then it happened, he was loafing near the empty side of the pitch when a Bludger came at him. He ducked it without much trouble, but then close…too close…he caught one of the twins bash the other one right into him.

abcij

"Gently, Mr. Potter." Said Madam Pomfrey "Eaaaasy! Sit up slowly. Do you remember what happened? How do you feel?"

Harry groaned as his brain slowly came back online "Yeah, I 'member." He said through a fat lip "Firs practice at Idditch, an one o' dem two bastards tried to murder me!"

"What!" exclaimed Fred

George rolled on "Part of the"

F "game mate!"

"Game? Game?" Harry all but sobbed "Dudley and his gang used to throw rocks at me and call it a game. We played dodgeball in school. All the bigger kids would line up and target us little kids." He vanished himself out of the hospital bed, landed on his butt underneath it; pillows, blankets and all, pulled his knees up and rested his chin on them. He began mumbling to himself.

While everyone was standing around trying to deal with this unexpected and inexplicable occurrence, the Headmaster appeared and immediately inquired "Precisely who just apparated? And, also, how?"

"Apparation?" exclaimed Hermione "That's impossible in Hogwarts. Well? Is it not?"

Dumbledore peered over his half-moon glasses and grinned at her "Reading ahead Miss Granger? Few things can truly be said to be impossible. Improbable, certainly. But then, that is the essence of magic."

"Come on out, Mr. Potter." The mediwitch attempted to draw him out by grabbing his hand "Nothing dange—YOWW!"

Harry had briefly taken Poppy's hand, drew it closer to his face…then bit a finger. He rocked back and forth, muttering inaudibly.

"This is something I have never seen before, Headmaster." Said Poppy, shaking a not really damaged hand slightly.

And after listening to helpless gropers, Hermione diffidently enough said "Something in a psychology book my parents have talked about a condition called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. A person is exposed to something their mind just cannot handle. It finally turns off in some way or other."

"What, Miss Granger, did this book suggest as treatment?" asked Dumbledore, leaving everyone surprised that such a venerable wizard would be asking the advice of a little girl.

She nibbled at her pinky and answered "Well, sir, first is to gently bring the patient out of his shell. Usually, someone familiar and close. Ronald, or I would be best. Maybe Hedwig too. No loud noises, no one should move suddenly. And if you can make it less bright?"

"Heya mate!" Ron stuck his head under the bed and grinned.

Harry screamed and tucked his head against the bed leg as far as possible from Ron.

"Maybe you should let me try, Ronald." Hermione said, annoyed. "Do magicals not have doctors who help people with mental problems? If not, at least my parents ARE medical doctors besides being dentists."

As the girl slowly crawled under the bed, Dumbledore said "Poppy, why don't you contact St. Mungo's and see what help they can offer? I will visit your parents, Miss Granger, and you are excused from class. In the absence of help, we will go with your ideas."

"Harry? Harry?" she said, softly, several times. Sitting Indian style she was crunched over a bit leaning toward him "It is Hermione. I am your friend. I won't hurt you." After repeating that for a minute or so, she put her hand on his knee.

Harry flinched at the contact and covered his face in his arms. Slowly….so slowly…..tension eased out of his body and he looked out through his arms and the blanket and pillows.

"Hi there." She said after just smiling at him for a time "See? No one's going to hurt you. We'll just sit here. You and me."

Harry's eyes locked with hers, then darted to her hand on his knee. He looked nervous but didn't protest. In a small voice he said "Hermione."

"Very good." She acknowledged gently "Remember, we're friends."

He nodded, smiled and put his hand on hers "Uh-huh. Why am i—we—under a bed?"

"The floor is a little cold, isn't it?" she replied with a smile "Why don't you hand me your blankets and pillow and you get in the bed? Ok?"

Over the next hour, Harry was again talking and acting normally. "I feel real stupid."

"No reason to." Said a kind male voice "Hermione, introduce me to your friend."

She stood up, hugged the man and said "Sure. Daddy, this is Harry Potter. Harry, this is Ian Granger, my father. I thought a Muggle perspective on your …ahh… injury, would be a good idea. Ok?"

"Sure, I guess. Nice to meet you Dr. Granger." He said.

Ian smiled "That's fine. You can use our first names if the Mrs. were here. Otherwise we won't know who you're talking to. I'll do the basics of an examination. Hermione told me your family were magical, but you were raised Muggle like she was. So, you know the drill."

"No, sir." He answered "Never went to the doctor. My Aunt and Uncle said it was too expensive."

Hermione's face turned red, but her father gestured her silence "Who prescribed your glasses, then?"

"There's a Pound Store in the mall near Privet Dr." he explained "Aunt Petunia had me pick these off the shelf there when I started school."

Again, Hermione's hackles rose, and again, Ian silenced her "Right. Start with the temperature and blood pressure. Well, they don't quite fit well. You can, I imagine, ask Hogwarts for an eye exam. I'm going to check you for signs of a concussion. Look left…right…down…up…other eye. So, what happened?"

"This slimy git in Slytherin who hates us Gryffindors stole our friend's rememberall." the boy started at the beginning "And because of the way I chased it down when the git threw it, Professor McGonagall put me on the Quidditch team. I really like flying and everyone says how good I am. Exactly how it happened, I don't remember, I got hit by one of the game balls, I fell off the broom and woke up here."

Dr. Granger didn't know half of what Harry was talking about, but it wasn't important, he got the general gist. "You don't have any signs of an injury. So, that's good." He smiled at the boy "Tell me? How do you feel?"

"M'kay I guess." Harry replied with a shrug.

Dr. Granger was about to probe into why his very intelligent daughter thought her friend had PTSD when Fred and George Weasley came bounding in, decked out in Quidditch gear and tossing a Bludger back and forth.

"YAHHHH!" Harry suddenly screamed in blind terror. A flailed fist caught one of the twins, knocking him onto a bed. Harry was back under a hospital bed, hugging a pillow.

Ian gave George a quick look, but that was interrupted by his daughter shoving the twin back down and screeching "YOU BLOODY IDIOTS! DO YOU KNOW IT TOOK ME JUST HOURS TO GET HIM- RRRRRRR GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!"

"Miss Granger!" Madam Pomfrey protested as she burst out of her office. "Be silent or begone!"

Ian Granger, meanwhile, had a bemused look "Madam, please don't interrupt this moment. It's the first time she's cursed …haha… ever. Hermione, dear, whatever you did to help your friend… do so again please. I'll have a word with your school doctor."


	98. Chapter 98:Fraction

**Harry Does Different Zzzy**

Fraction

"So! Harry! You must know a lot about Muggles?" Mr. Weasley sat down at the breakfast table and started eating "Tell me! What is the function of a rubber duck?"

Another Weasley came down the stairs in her pajamas "Mummy? Have you seen my jumper?"

"On the line dear." Replied Mrs. Weasley.

Harry finished off a piece of toast, and smiled at the newcomer "Hello!"

She looked at the boy in her kitchen, eyes popped, and fled faster than apparation.

"What did I do?" asked Harry, eyes following the girl.

The twins looked at each other giggling. Ron answered "Ginny. Been talking about you all summer. Bit annoying really."

Abcij

"Ginny?" Harry tapped on the door, did it again and repeated "Ginny? Hi. I'm Harry. Can I come in?"

She gasped in alarm "Bloody Merlin! How could he!"

"Are you alright?" he asked in some concern "Come on. I don't bite. Hehe, well, friends anyway."

That, relaxed the girl on the other side of the door. She steeled herself and opened it. "Hi" *gulp* she said sheepishly "I must've come off pretty stupid down there. Huh?"

"Just a little bit." The boy grinned at the girl, held out his hand "Hi there. Harry Potter. Nice to meet'cha?"

She looked into his smiling green eyes, blush faded, and took the proffered hand "I-i-I'm Gi-Ginny. Ginny Wh-Weasley."

"Well. This is the first witch's room I've ever been in." said Harry, he walked in and sat in a chair "Actually first girl's room. Do me a favor? Don't run like that again? I'll start to think I'm a troll or something."

Ginny abruptly stopped bouncing nervously on her bed and said "Ron wrote Mum and Dad about that. You really took on a Mountain Troll! Was it fifty feet tall?"

"No no no." laughed Harry "It wasn't even twenty feet. And Ron was the one who knocked him out. I was just …well kind of under foot. We had to help Hermione."

By the time Harry was finished with the story, Ginny was angry "Well, Ronald didn't tell that he made that poor girl cry! Wait'll I get done with him!"

"Poor Ron." He chuckled "Don't be too hard on him. I like the guy."

She tried for a stern look "As you wish, Mr. Potter."

"I WONT tell McGonagall about your impersonations." He joked, then looking at the wall, he noted "Well, Hermione will like that. You read a lot?"

The girl's blush was back, full force "Ahh…yeah. Y'know. Classic wizard stories. Beetle Bard. The Three Brothers. Stuff like that." Unfortunately for her, Harry's eyes were drawn right where she didn't want.

"Harry Potter and the Witch's Brew? Harry Potter and the Long March? Harry Potter and the Dragon's Treasure? Harry Potter and the Phantom Menace? Harry Potter's First School Day? Harry Potter's Christmas Wish?" after that he stopped reading the titles out loud. When he was done, though, he had a scornful expression and asked "What the bloody hell is this shite?"

Molly Weasley was silently monitoring the presence of a boy in her daughter's room. And the whole conversation was mostly to her liking. Except Ronald was getting grounded. Then came the foul mouth round from young Harry. She barged in "I will not have that kind of language under my roof, young man!"

"Sorry, Mrs. Weasley." Harry flinched away from the anger "But I was just looking at this sh-err…garbage. All these books, sorry Ginny, they're total rubbish. I didn't do none of these things. I mean MAYBE the Christmas one. But, seriously!"

She actually looked offended "I will have you know, these are written by some of the most authoritative, that means truthful, accurate, authors in our world!"

"Hmpf!" he grunted at her and crossed his arms "I know more about MY childhood than this bunch of gits."

Ginny looked at him with awe, and fear. No one talked to MUM like that.

"Be that as it may, young man." Mrs. Weasley eyed him with disfavor "I'll not have you criticizing fine witches and wizards you know nothing about. Nor will I tolerate foul language in my house. I think a brief timeout is in order. Go down to the sitting room and remain there for an hour."

Ron watched his friend stomp past his room, wondering what was going on. Followed him down the stairs and slump into a chair "What happened mate?"

"Your mother decided a bunch of idiots who never met me know more about my childhood than I do." Harry grumped at him.

Ron shook his head "Huh? Who?" he asked eloquently "I thought you were talking to Ginny."

"I was." He confirmed "And she's got all these crazy books about me."

Ron nodded "She's read them to Ginny every night until she could read herself. I read a couple. Dunno Harry, you did beat You-Know-Who as a baby. And stopped him last year. Don't forget the troll."

"You knocked him out, Ron." He countered "Not me. And you and Hermione helped me get to the Stone. As for Voldemort? How'd I beat him? With a smelly diaper?"

Ron flinched at the name, but laughed at his friend's ridiculous theory "You do stink, mate."

"Very funny." Harry tossed a pillow across the room.

Arthur Weasley overheard every word the boys said to each other. He almost never disagreed with or overruled his wife's parenting. He did on this occasion, and paused a moment to frame the conversation in his mind, then entered "Ronald, this is one of those occasions your mother should not have punished someone." He said, with authority "Harry, the language Mrs. Weasley spoke of, I'll assume was objectionable. But, set that aside. You find problems with my daughter's library?"

"All of those phony Harry Potter books she has." He said in a short summary "I didn't read anything but the titles but I never fought a dragon or a phantom. I had a first day of school, but I'll bet a million galleons that book up there isn't about how my day really went."

Mr. Weasley nodded thoughtfully for several seconds then said "Never thought of that. I have read those books on more than one occasion myself and…well…I will have a chat with Mrs. Weasley, go on outside with Ron, Harry. And I think you should come to work with me tomorrow."

Abcij

"What are we doing here, Mr. Weasley?" asked Harry, shortly after they apparated to the Ministry.

Mr. Weasley opened a door called Licenses and Copyrights, was greeted and shook hands with the man at the desk "Hello, Mark. You think Bonnie has a few minutes for an old friend? Maybe a new case?"

"You know she always has time for you, Art." The older wizard quipped, pointed a wand at the counter, which lifted to admit the visitors.

Harry noticed him making a gesture, he didn't recognize it. But he noticed Mr. Weasley blushing.

"Artie Weasley!" a girlish voice exclaimed "Great Merlin's hairy …oh my… ears." She gave him a tight, but brief, hug and a kiss on the cheek "Who have we here?"

Arthur nodded, looking embarrassed "Great to see you too, Bonnie. Harry, one of my favorite people from my Hogwarts days. Don't tell Ron, but I hung out with a few Slytherins. Bonnie Wright Flint, Harry Potter."

"I think everyone in the world knows that name." she acknowledged, glancing at the scar. She shook his hand then went back to Mr. Weasley, taking his arm. "Well, since …Arthur… rarely makes his way to this corner of the Ministry, what can the Department of Licenses and Copyrights do for the famous Harry Potter?"

Harry still wasn't entirely sure what was going on, so he let Mr. Weasley take the lead "Well, Bonnie, Harry started Hogwarts with Ron last year. He came to visit this summer and made acquaintance with my youngest. She had this in her library."

"Yes." She took the book with a grin "My granddaughter refuses to go to sleep without a Harry Potter story."

"That is exactly the problem, Bonnie." Said Arthur "Harry had a, shall we say… less than favorable reaction to Ginny's library."

And to that, Harry snorted.

"Well, gentlemen, you have my attention. I am all ears." She whimsically transfigured her ears into elephant ears. Looking between the wizards she grinned.

Harry failed to repress a giggle "Sorry ma'am. It's these books ma'am. I never told anyone these stories. And, they're just that. I mean, one tells how it's about the night Voldemort murdered my parents. No one alive saw that, but…well…me. Gosh. I'm not even a teenager yet. There's all these stories. How?" He ran out of ways to express himself.

"I see your point, young man." Said Bonnie pleasantly "And in fact, something I think you did not quite express. One is the fact is that, yes this whole series of books has been presented to everyone in our world as the truth. Exactly what you have really done." She smiled at the boy's nod of agreement, and went on "If, of course, all these people wrote these stories about you that aren't true, they certainly did not have your permission to do so."

The young bespectacled wizard first looked at Mr. Weasley then and Mrs. Flint and nodded "Exactly what I mean! Ma'am! Exactly right! Why do they get to make up stuff about me? And why do they get to use my name?"

"The short answer, my boy, is they don't." replied Bonnie "Getting there is a more involved process. I wouldn't expect the case to be quick or easy."

 **THE QUIBBLER November 7, 2003**

 **POTTER VS PUBLISHERS**

The Wizengamot has issued a final ruling on the case of Harry Potter versus the various publishers of Harry Potter adventure books sold since 1982. In all there have been fifty-two books, mostly targeted to children. As a group they earn an average of five million Galleons per year worldwide. After years of sometimes very ugly statements, and what must be hefty legal fees, the judgment can only be called a marriage of inconvenience. The order was for all four publishers to merge into one company and for Harry Potter to license his name, image and story to the as yet unnamed business in exchange for 52% interest. Plus an undisclosed cash payment.

"We had to consider society above the parties." Wizengamot spokesman Draco Malfoy stated "These books are part of our cultural heritage and we could not allow something a whole generation of young witches and wizards were raised on to be lost merely to monetary gain. Was Mr. Potter wronged? Yes. But to destroy a whole profitable industry, hundreds of good paying jobs and a culturally valuable franchise? Just for one man? That would be unacceptable in my view, and in the view of the majority of the Wizengamot."


	99. Chapter 99:Phlegm

Early completion in honor of the EAGLES SUPERBOWL VICTORY PARADE!

[a/n]I just had to comment on some of #98's reviews; summed up as "Where does Molly come off punishing Harry?" A little timeout is reasonable for 'bloody hell shite' but that's not what stuck. He'll remember those 'wonderful authors' she defended.

Yes I intentionally cast Draco as the spokesman. Which, I wondered, was everyone completely unsurprised by the 2003 article date?

This one is a reviewer idea

 **Harry Does Different Zzzz**

Phlegm

"I cannot believe she acts that way!" Hermione complained to Ginny.

And the younger girl shot back "I have had my fill of Phlegm! You'll wear this color at the wedding! My leetle seesteer thiiis my leetle seesteer dat. I want to smack Phlegm upside her Freeench heeed!" They both bounced on the bed giggling.

Harry had heard every word. He just arrived and was going to reserve himself a dance, and hopefully more, with Ginny. Now if looks could kill…well maybe not, Hermione was his sister basically. But Ginny was taking a huge step down in his estimation.

"Bloody hell! Dammit! Help." Ginny came rushing down the stairs minutes before the wedding was due to begin. She had her arms twisted behind her back, trying desperately to hold up her dress "Harry, come here, please. Zip me up."

Harry was more than willing to oblige. As a matter of a fact, getting close to a pretty girl did wonderful things to his teenage brain. "You look very nice, Ginny." He said, unable to stop himself fingering her bare back.

"Thanks, Harry." She blushed "Y'know, weddings are a great chance to dress up. You look good in dress robes, too. Just wish Bill had a leetle better taste." She finished, caustically.

He now remembered what he'd overheard. So, he figured he'd get Fleur a little revenge. He yanked on the zipper, which was entirely too fragile to handle his pulling. The tag came off between thumb and finger, and one side of the teeth came apart from the dress. He just commented "Oops."

"Yikes!" squealed Ginny in shock, she spun around grabbing at her torn dress, trying to hold it together. She glared indignantly at him and cursed "Bloody Potter! Wha'd'ya do that for!?"

He grinned at her unapologetically, answered with a shrug "Must've had some phlegm on my hands." He busily turned his hands in front of her face.

"You were spying on us!" she accused, outraged.

He corrected "No, I was hoping you'd save me a dance. Fleur's twice the witch you are."

"What!?" she exclaimed, angrily. Slapped him across the face and ran upstairs.

Fleur came around the corner, having heard the whole thing "Zank tu Harry Potter. You are a genteelman. Come, I zink you weel like to meet my cuzzeen, Marie."


	100. Chapter 100:The Spy

**[a/n]** Adding notes is important for talking to your fans, but it does throw off what I consider the real word count [meaning actual stories words] My total now is 1,035,022 words so I'm calling this my MILLION WORD DAY! Join with me and celebrate!

 **[a/n]** Very worthy additional milestone this is Chapter 100! When I started this I had no idea it would run this long! Yay!

 **Harry Does Different Zzzza**

The Spy

"Now, if all of you underaged ones would head out." Dumbledore announced with his usual grandfatherly smile "We need to have an Order meeting."

Fred and George had been inducted, the rest of the Weasleys, Sirius, Remus, Tonks, Mad-Eye Moody, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Hagrid, Mundungus Fletcher, Emmeline Vance, Professor McGonagall, Professor Snape and Hestia Jones.

"I realize the whole Order is not present." The leader went on "I will update them as the opportunity presents itself. The initial plan of attack is information gathering. I would like to have all of you Ministry folks pass along any information you learn about Voldemort's activities. Likewise, please tell your superiors whatever we gather as if you had obtained it through work. Also, so all of you know, Severus will be spying for us. Occasionally, some bits must flow the other way to maintain his position as a spy."

Harry had tucked his foot in the door and had heard every word. He pushed back and reentered the kitchen, demanding "What good is he as a spy? You told everyone including Rita Skeeter that Snape turned traitor on Voldemort."

"Harry! Shame on you, listening in like that!" Mrs. Weasley scolded, and began to hustle him out of the room.

With a few seconds warning to brace himself, Harry didn't budge even half a step "Excuse me, but this likely involves me. So I will have my say."

"Get out Potter!" Snape ordered, voice dripping vitriol "We have no time for your arrogance."

Harry's jaw came up defiantly at the Potion Master, as he shot back "Shut up Snivilus. This isn't your classroom. See I take this shite from him everyday!"

"Now, young man!" Mrs. Weasley protested "Severus will be paid the respect he is due regardless of location. And I think a little skrewt powder on the tongue to address your language."

Harry pushed back against her, fully into the kitchen again and calmly said "Molly…. With all the respect you're due as the closest thing I've had to a mother, I'm not a child. And Snivilus doesn't get to tell Voldemort anything about me."

"Harry, it is best you leave matters to those who know best." Said Dumbledore.

The other youngsters burst back in, led by Hermione "Harry! This is for adults only!"

"Beat it. The lot of you!" he snapped back "And before you go all mad, think about how I felt all abandoned by my so called friends! So? Bugger off!" Hermione's leaking eyes were met with a stony glare. Ron's shoulder bump was met with a counter-bump. And Ginny nearly fell over when he made no effort to let her pass.

Meanwhile, Sirius was standing up for him "Albus, I think Harry has a point. Voldemort should not learn anything about him."

"Severus will have to supply certain bits of information to protect his place as a spy." Explained Dumbledore "Otherwise all his unfortunate treatment of students to protect his status will be wasted."

Tonks was young enough to have enjoyed his classes "You mean this great greaseball gets to act like an ass to kids on purpose!?" she shouted.

"Nymphadora please." Dumbledore scolded "Name calling accomplishes nothing."

She snarled at the use of her full name, then swept an angry arm at the Potion Master "Tell that to dragon turd over there! Kept calling me a blood traitor!"

"And what educational value does Hermione get when greasy calls her a know-it-all mudblood?" asked Harry, right on her heels.

The rising accusatory stares, while disturbing to Dumbledore, did not deter him "While unfortunate" he sighed "it is a necessary evil. And entirely too far along in the war to change now."

"No reason Harry has to put up with it!" protested Sirius. Remus nodded in agreement.

Dumbledore called on all of his authority and declared "Severus must appear to favor the children of Voldemort's followers. It is the only way to guarantee his place among them when the time comes."

"Well, I'm not gonna take it." Harry forced himself back into the meeting.

Fred and George cheered him "Well done!"

"Boys, this is no place for supporting rebelliousness." Mrs. Weasley told them.

Harry glared at her "Mrs. Weasley, this is standing up to a bully. And that's all Snivilus is. Well, except for the fact he's got a title to back it up. Well, he won't do it to me. The first time he insults me in school I'm gonna cut loose with every Marauder insult Sirius and Remus can teach me."

"Wait!" exclaimed Fred.

George asked "What?"

"Oh, right I'm Prongs Jr, you might say. Misters Weasley meet Misters Padfoot and Moony." He added with casual waves of his hands. He looked at Dumbledore and added "And I'm sure that Snivilus isn't their best. I want a full dose of James Potter material on greasy."

Snape was beginning to boil, and it showed. Silence had settled over the dining room "You will pay for every least bit of defiance, Potter!" he growled, and out came his wand.

"Don't think so!" Remus had leapt across the table and was now standing on it, directly in Snape's line of fire to Harry.

Harry was immensely pleased with that support and emboldened as a result "Professor Dumbledore" he looked straight at the Headmaster "if he insults me, or my parents, in any way I'll start throwing out everything the Marauders ever did to Snivilus."

"Harry, as Headmaster I will not be threatened," his tone dropped the temperature in the room "disrespect for a Professor will not be tolerated. You will be disciplined."

And still riding high, the teen countered with a response he'd heard on TV "Sorry… Albus …I wasn't making a threat, I was making a promise."

"Harry Potter! That was disrespectful!" Mrs. Weasley hollered and went to slap at him.

He blocked and twisted, causing her to yelp briefly "No one hits me."

"Harry, I want to make this abundantly clear" said Dumbledore, ignoring the byplay "if you are in any way insubordinate to Professor Snape, you will lose House Points and you will serve detention."

Sirius put in "Maybe if Snivilus ACTS like a professor."

"Can't do anything about Points." Harry offered an apologetic look to his Head of House "But, no. I won't serve any of Snivilus' detentions."

The Headmaster dropped his final word "Then you risk expulsion."

"We'll see, then." Harry declared, then waved a dismissive hand "You lot can get on with your little meeting now."

Only one person reacted, Alastair Moody watched his retreating back with his artificial eye and emitted a barking laugh "Boy's got a big ole pair of Goblin steel balls!"


	101. Chapter 101:Lord Jumble

**Harry Does Different Zzzzb**

Lord Jumble

"The Ministry would have you not believe it. Cedric Diggory was killed by Lord Voldemort." Dumbledore was concluding his speech. "The ties we have made here, this year, are what will count in the trying days to come. Know that anyone ANYONE who needs refuge can count on Hogwarts. Thank you all."

Harry was looking around, he could see the doubt in their faces. Fudge's propaganda machine was already turning people against him. He wasn't going to stand for it. He angrily marched up the aisle to stand in front of the Headmaster, whipped out his wand, cast _Sonorous_ ...then drew it down the length of his right sleeve. It fell apart and he left his arm in the air, angry scar still clearly visible "You don't think Voldemort…look at that! You can't even hear his name without shitting your pants!... You don't think he's back? Where do you think I got this scar? Exploding Snap?! What do you lot think Cedric died of? Dragon Pox?".

"You expect us to take your word for it, Potter?" came from the Hufflepuff Table.

He looked at the whole Table hatefully "I don't expect much from the lot of you wimps! And none of you could do better than Malfoy's Potter Stinks badges. Not a one of you had the guts all year to curse me to my face. But then, how do you want to remember your hero? Not that you deserve him!"

"I think that is enough, Harry." Said Dumbledore.

He looked over his shoulder and retorted "I'll leave when I'm done." Back to the students, he tore his robe and shirt sleeve and continued "You want to know what it's like? I got this complements of one of his slaves…YEAH! That's what I call them! Every so called Death Eater! Nothing but a SLAVE! Anyway, he took a knife and opened my arm up like a butcher. But before that I got to see the Killing Curse. One second Cedric was there, beside me, wand out and ready to fight. The next he was laying there on the ground, staring… no expression… just lifeless eyes. And maybe I should mention, Voldemort taunted me by standing on his face."

"That's awful!" Hannah sobbed.

Harry looked unsympathetic "That's just the description, Abbott. I actually SAW it. So, everyone all afraid of Voldie? Let's talk about him. He was just like us… once… before he turned himself into a half-snake thing held together by my blood."

"Talking like that is dangerous!" a Seventh Year Slytherin yelled.

Harry shrugged "He's 0 for 4 in trying to kill me. Here, get this. Your mighty lord…hehehehe Lord Jumble!" He repeated what teenage Tom showed him TOM MORVOLO RIDDLE and morphed it into I AM LORD VOLDEMORT.

"What else do you know?" someone from Ravenclaw yelled from the back.

He shot the Headmaster a smirk, then turned back to the crowd "He was a student, like any of us. Haven't learned everything. Dumbledore knows more about him than I do. But, here basically during the Grindelwald war. Muggleborns would call it World War Two. Slytherin House, Head Boy. Tops at Defense and a favorite of the then Transfiguration Professor."

It was almost a reflex, everyone's eyes flicked towards Professor McGonagall.

"No, not her." Harry giggled "Right…Albus?"

The Head of Gryffindor protested "Mr. Potter!"

"What Professor?" Harry looked at her "It's them thought you were that old! Not me!"

That wasn't what she was scolding Harry for, but the laughter appalled her. She was taking names for next term.

"You guys will love this." Harry went on "Voldemort IS the true Heir of Slytherin. The Gaunts are direct descendants of Salazar Slytherin and Merope Gaunt was his mother."

Draco spoke up "Well obviously, Potter. And that proves his pureblood righteousness!"

"Thank you Draco! Hahaha. Thank you SO MUCH!" he actually bowed to his nemesis "But what about his FATHER? Hmmm? Who was his daddy? A Parkinson, perhaps? A Malfoy? A Potter, maybe? A Weasley even? Nope, your great pureblood leader was named right for his father. Tom Riddle."

Dumbledore hissed at him "Stop this Harry! Some things don't need to be known!"

"Shut up! Old fool!" he retorted "Secrets are bad! Haven't you figured that out yet! We'll get back to that in a second. Okay, all those obsessed with purebloodism, care to tell us about the Riddle Family?...No? I'm not surprised let me."

" _Silencio_!" came from the Headmaster's wand. "This was a memorial for a brave young man. Not a dissertation on Voldemort. Now, sit down Harry."

WHO WANTS ME TO FINISH? He drew with his wand HERE NOW OR IN THE PAPERS

The audience chanted for Harry to resume. And Dumbledore was shamed into removing the jinx.

"Don't. Ever. Do. That. Again." Harry snarled "Tom Riddle Sr. was…to quote Voldemort….. his Filthy. Muggle. Father. Malfoy! What do you think of that? Always so proud of Lucius? I watched him kneel and scrape! Nothing but a bloody slave. No worse a- _Expelliarmus_! Voldemort marks them. Like Americans do their cows. Death Eaters? Pah! Nothing but cows! There, that's the story. Now I have a question, Dumbledore!"

The Headmaster sighed "And what would that be?"

"Just what I asked First Year." Harry threw back "Why did Voldemort come after me? I wasn't even two. What threat was I? Why does he keep coming after me?"

Dumbledore shook his head "This is neither the time, nor the place. And I will not discuss sensitive information with someone unable to keep his big mouth shut!"

"I see." Voice cool, but seething inside "And I see Rita is still here. Miss Skeeter? Tomorrow's front page. Boy-Who-Lived wants truth, Headmaster refuses." He ignored the uproar and stomped out.


	102. Chapter 102:Chosen Ones

[a/n]A bit off my theme of changing a scene. But, I've been reading a few SW/HP crossovers lately. And I just watched the I,II,III trilogy.

 **Harry Does Different Zzzzc**

Chosen Ones

A young man with long brown hair and a scar across his face was sitting on an untouched green hill that rolled down into a small stream. Much of the rest of the world was in ruins, but this spot was still pristine. "I just want to be left alone for a while." He told his companion.

"As you wish, young one." Said the older man who had a prematurely greying beard. He walked off.

The much touted hero sighed "No one understands me."

"Ahh! Ouch! Oh." A young man with pitch-black hair and a scar on his forehead sat up rubbing his head. It'd been a fitful night and much to his annoyance it was still dark. He stretched and apologized "Sorry for waking you."

The young woman patted his arm and replied "No worries. Trouble sleeping?"

"You could say so." He sighed, "Think I'll take a walk."

She nodded "Alright. But remember the limits."

"Yes, Mum." He quipped, walked out of the tent and around a few trees. The much touted hero sighed "No one understands me."

The simultaneous utterance of the same words by two such similar personalities whisked one to meet the other. Between two steps, the black haired teen walked onto a different world. He dropped to his knees, whipped out his weapon and looked around suspiciously.

"I felt a great disturbance." The brown haired teen growled. He stood and whipped out his weapon.

The black haired teen saw a rod of glowing light and fired a couple shots at it. Only to see them blocked as the rod spun round and round. Curiosity aflame, he approached "Sorry about that. I mean you know harm. I'm just a little lost."

"You're outside Cala City." The brown haired teen answered without lowering his weapon "Well, what's left of it, anyway."

The black haired teen closed to easy speaking distance and introduced himself "Harry Potter. Hello."

"Anakin Skywalker, Jedi Knight." The brown haired teen replied "And you don't look like much of a threat."

Harry shrugged "Looks can be deceiving. How did this block my spells?" And he reached out to touch the rod of light.

"Don't do that! Kriffing idiot!" exclaimed Anakin, snatching it away "Haven't you ever seen a lightsaber before?!" He touched it to the ground and a circle of grass ignited.

Harry jumped back and exclaimed "Bloody hell! Ok, note to self, no touching long glowing things. Look, mate, I'll make you a deal, I'm putting away my wand. You put away, what did you call it? Your lightsaber. Now, you said Cala City? Where's that?"

"Well, we're on Dantooine, if that's what you mean." Answered Anakin as he clipped his extinguished lightsaber to the belt around his waist.

THAT both told Harry nothing and gave him much to think on. He finally clarified "You mean the planet Dantooine?"

"Well, yes." Anakin was beginning to have a low opinion of the boy "Like Cala, though, what's left of it. Why? Where are you from."

Harry answered "London, that's in England on Earth."

"Never heard of it. Sorry." Offered Anakin "Do you know its coordinates?"

Harry tugged at his neck before admitting "Ahh…no…" he thought of his Astronomy lessons "All that I learned before leaving was somewhere in the Orion Arm."

"I don't know that part of the Galaxy." Said Anakin "We'll see if Obi-Wan does. But, you know, it's strange. You don't look a lot like me, but yet, you do. And, not to sound arrogant, but didn't my name mean anything to you?"

Harry looked up. There was a considerable height difference. He shrugged "Sorry, no. Should I have?"

"Well, there's trillions who hate me, then there's the trillions who love me as The-Hero-With-No-Fear." The Jedi answered in surprise "Really didn't think there was a place that actually hadn't heard of me."

Harry found that amusing, greatly so, through giggles he said "Well, nice to meet you, Mr. Hyphen. That's me too; where I'm from, I'm called The-Boy-Who-Lived. Somehow killed the Dark Lord Voldemort when I was one. Except, somehow, he's still really alive and ever since I started magic school at eleven he's been trying to kill me."

"Impressive." Said the Jedi gravely "The Force must be powerful with you."

To which the wizard grunted "I suppose. What I know is that my Mother sacrificing herself to his killing curse reflected the one he sent at me back at him."

"I saw my Mother die, as well." Said Anakin, he sat back down on the grassy hill and invited his new acquaintance to join him with a wave of his hand. "I can still remember it like it was yesterday. Even worse is how I felt and what I did. Master Yoda tells me I did wrong to kill them all. But it sure FELT right at the time."

Harry nodded, "I can relate, Anakin. I used a torture curse on the witch who killed my Godfather."

"I don't understand the word curse, but I follow your meaning, Harry." Said the Jedi "Master Yoda would say you did wrong. But, I think Chancellor Palpatine would at least understand, if not approve."

The wizard chuckled sourly "This Yoda sounds a lot like Dumbledore. I felt kind of dirty using the torture spell, but one of my friends agreed; actually two of them. One's parents had been tortured by her."

"Darth Tyrannus cut off my hand." Anakin pulled off his glove and showed the metal skeletal construct "If I see him again, I'll take his head."

Harry nodded "This, Darth then, he's your Dark Lord. Like Voldemort is mine?"

"Actually, we're after someone called Darth Sidious." Replied Anakin as he closed his mechanical hand to a fist "My master killed Darth Maul over ten years ago. But we seem to keep getting number two. And there always seems to be another one."

Harry grinned slightly, and commented sourly "Well, dark lords seem all alike in that. Sidious, Maul, Tyrannus? Who was the first? Darth Meanie? Hahaha! In another of my planet's languages Voldemort means run from death."

"Our lives would be a whole lot easier if they had guts enough to come out themselves, and not send in the flunkies." Anakin observed.

Harry rolled his eyes "Don't I know it? My biggest complaint is all the Chosen One shite I have to put up with. I mean, all I should be worried about is vanishing my girlfriend's bra. Not killing dark lords."

"Chosen One, huh?" Anakin didn't know what a bra was, Master Lucas told him there were no such things, but he squeezed the wizard's shoulder sympathetically "Maybe you can tell me what exactly 'destined to bring balance to the Force' means. The Jedi Council has been beating me about the head with that ever since they decided I COULD be a Jedi."

Harry could only shrug, he punched other Chosen One on the knee and replied "Mate, I don't even know what the Force is. But, pretty likely, you've got to kill that chief Darth yourself. Frankly, if Voldemort hadn't killed my parents I'd tell all England to piss off. They should've finished him off without the help of someone still on baby food."

"You should talk to Obi-Wan, Harry. More, I wonder if the Council would listen to you." Anakin suggested, with a note of hope in his tone.

Harry stood and stretched a bit "Well, until I figure out how to get home."

"Aww…damn!" all Anakin had done was take his eyes off the other Chosen One for the time it took to stand and he was gone. "Hey Obi-Wan! You're not going to believe this!"

Hermione ran up to him and threw her arms around his neck, squealed "Harry! Oh my God! I saw you vanish! Where did you go? What happened? Are you alright?"

"I will be if I can breathe." He jokingly croaked "Hermione, it was amazing. I wasn't on Earth. And I met a guy just like me. Chosen to fix something he calls the Force, has a bunch of guys like Voldemort he called Darths after him. He even had a scar like mine, only it was more on one eye than right in the middle."

She gave him a disbelieving look and asked "But WHERE were you?"

"What? You want me to point it out?" he was giddy. He just pointed up "There! Thataway! He called it Dantooine. All I know is I was Far Far Away. Poor guy, even lost a hand so far in his war. Hermione, somewhere, out there…are fleets of ships destroying planets. I somehow walked from here to a pretty rolling green hill, but off in the distance was this huge column of smoke that used to be a city like London."

She could somehow see it, in his eyes "Oh, Harry…that's horrible!"

"Terrible." He nodded "Terrible, but great. That's what Ollivander said … about me. Come on, we've still got a lot to do. Anakin, wherever you are, good luck mate."


	103. Chapter 103:Oaths and Marriage Contracts

**Harry Does Different Zzzze**

Oaths and Marriage Contracts

[a/n]Lots of Marriage contract stories out there, decided to hit everyone with a conundrum.

Harry James Potter, Boy-Who-Lived and Man-Who-Defeated-You-Know-Who, SHEESH! That annoyed him. Life was now pretty good for him. He went back to Hogwarts for his Seventh Year with his friends, got back together with his favorite redhead, don't take it personal Ron. He was enjoying a summer off before even thinking about a career, he had plenty of offers on the table. Of course, that was a relatively small pile of his mail. The vastly greater pile was his major problem in life "Kreacher, explain this mess to me, please."

"Yes, Lord Black." The elf had accepted that his master had passed the title, largely because he respected Harry as the defeater of the Dark Lord "Whilst on your quest, your seventeenth birthday passed. As is custom in Pureblood society, Master became marriageable. All these is witches marriageable from Pureblood families seeking alliance with House Potter, House Black or both."

Harry absorbed that and eyed the pile with alarm "And how many are there?" he enquired.

"One thousand two hundred nineteen, m'Lord." Answered Kreacher without the slightest sign of humor.

Harry slapped his forehead, noting with some surprise that it barely hurt "Well, there's another plus of no more Voldemort." He looked at the pile which mostly covered #12's kitchen table and sighed "Right…how much time do I have to go through this pile. I assume I have to answer them all?"

"Well, yes and no, m'Lord." The elf bowed his head "Master must reply in person to any offer from a witch he personally knows. If Master has no interest in a witch he does not know, Master can send rejection letter. Master has one year"

Harry half-sighed in relief "Well, at least I have that long."

"Sorry, Lord Black" he continued bowing his head so low his ears swept the floor "Master has one year from Master's seventeenth birthday."

Harry gasped "That's three weeks away Kreacher! And what happens if I don't reply!?"

"Sorry, Lord Black" he apologized again and answered "Then m'Lord will commit to marry anyone nots rejected."

Harry rolled his eyes and shook his head "Bloody hell! My birthday is in three weeks! I have to get through a thousand of these things! Double bloody yell!"

"No m'Lord." Kreacher shook his head sadly "Master must respond to One thousand two hundred nineteen, m'Lord."

Harry bit back a sarcastic response, it wasn't the elf's fault and he was trying to help. There was no muggle way he knew of to speed this up and now way to read each, write a response, or visit said witch [and stay sane] in three weeks. Ron and Hermione were in Australia and he was probably tempting fate asking Luna's help. Lucky Ginny was in Holyhead Harpies boot camp, he sighed "Right, ahh…Kreacher…do you know of any magic that can sort through this mess faster?"

"Oh yes, m'Lord Black, yes." The elven head bobbed, ears bounced around "Kreacher can read offers without opening envelopes. And Kreacher can sort how Master wants, then write replies for Master's signature."

Harry spun that around in his mind and considered, talking and thinking just rambled "Yeah I can use that. Right. Let's start with …..uhhmmm….. This'll work, anyone not female, no offense, automatic no. Second category…hmmm…. Ages, I think, over…ahh, thirty for now. Kreacher, how young can witches marry?"

"Kreacher thinks m'Lord misunderstands." Said the elf "Marriage contracts only enforced at age eighteen. Contracts may be written any age."

He blinked at that "Oh no way! Right, we need…so that's three separate piles …so far, anyway, Wizards will get a nicely worded…you can do that Kreacher?...good, they get one saying basically I'm not homosexual, sorry. Fluff it up with some flowery words. Next pile, too old, basically say that but POLITELY. Any below…..ahh….fourteen I suppose; no way I'm even looking at someone who hasn't been on a broom….NYAHH! DON'T say that. A polite too young, sorry."

"Yes, Master." Kreacher acknowledged.

Harry idly picked one up at random and opened it "GAHHH!" he screamed "Didn't expect pictures. Nudes even worse. She must be McGonagall's age. Right. Another category for professors if you find any…bloody hope not. Any with pictures, Kreacher, we'll DEFINITELY need to return. How long will it take?"

"About two days m'Lord." He answered, excitedly flopping his ears.

Harry nodded "Good. Great, in fact. Plenty of time. First, we'll write letters that are proper and formal, I'll take them to a printer that'll save your time. I also want you to not overwork yourself. Am I clear? Anyone can make mistakes and this project is too important to do half asleep."

"Yes, Master." Kreacher was quite grumpy over this. He thought the new Lord Black too involved in how much work he did.

Harry read that look correctly "I mean it Kreacher. Oh! And all your other duties are suspended until this is complete and the last witch has received the last letter."

The elf first made neat stacks of all the envelopes. Ten high and covering much less of the table. In ones and twos an envelope would briefly glow, then vanish and reappear on another part of the table. It seemed slow, but as he got used to the task it accelerated some. More importantly it was infinitely faster than his Master could manage going through them one at a time.

Harry went out, leased himself a Ministry owl, visited a printer ordered some hundreds of this letter and some hundreds of that letter, smaller runs of other categories he had in mind. All told, he was sure the task was doable. Thank God for MAGIC!

Abcij

"Thanks so much Miss Jones!" Ginny Weasley exclaimed, jumping around happy as a loon. "THANK YOU! THANK YOU!THANK YOU!THANK YOU!THANK YOU!"

Gwenog finally managed to free her arm from the new recruit's grip "You're welcome. Please, I prefer both my hands. No harm done. Formal contract signing Friday. Welcome to the team. And no more Miss anybody. Off with you."

"Thank you, Gwenog." She said, one more time, much more sedately, but unable to repress the smile. Ginny's first stop was the rebuilt Burrow to tell her parents. Next was #12 Grimmauld to tell her boyfriend of one blissful year. Her smile was still plastered on her face when she flooed through "Hey Harry! You here? I got great news! Harry? I made the team!"

Abcij

Harry yelled from the kitchen "I'm in here!"

"What is all this?" asked Ginny, stunned at the mail piles "If you're sending Christmas cards to every magical, you're a couple months early."

Harry looked at her askance "No, this is my and Kreacher's project for most of the next week. Old Pureblood tradition of contracts for arranged marriages."

"You got all of these!" she was appalled, and a little insecure "What are you doing?"

Harry launched into a detailed explanation "Well, I just came back from a couple personal visits. Other Ancient and Noble Houses require it. This biggest pile are ones that are too old or too young. Did you know? There are some as old as McGonagall. Real creepy. Pictures too **shiver** Next is the pile for 14 to 30 year olds, figure I might've run into them at Hogwarts, so they get a personal note. This little pile is girls I actually know and need to visit, according to Kreacher, and this last one-"

"I assume you're rejecting them all." Interrupted Ginny, irritation plain in her voice.

Harry held up a hand "Of, course, but I just want to talk to you about this one."

"Oh? Why?" she asked, now angry "You expect me to sign up for a harem? Not happening, Harry James Potter!"

He rolled his eyes "Where did you get that ridiculous idea?"

"Oh? So, ridiculous, now, am I?" Ginny's hair was beginning to climb up her neck.

Harry defended himself, weakly "Nooooo! I said your argument was ridiculous. And it is. Now if you'll let me explain."

"Explain?" her wand came out "You want to explain why you're even considering one of those cheap bimbos!"

He suddenly felt angry "Now, just a second! Some of them fought at Hogwarts! Why don't you just cool-HEY!" He ducked as her wand pointed too much in his direction. Out came his.

"I, Ginevra Molly Weasley, swear on my life and magic to hate Harry James Potter forever if he doesn't reject every single one of these contracts IMMEDIATELY!" she shook her wand and it sparked briefly as the Witch's Oath took effect. She looked most satisfied with her ultimatum.

He looked at her, torn between sadness and fury "Well, good job that." He commented, biting down on his emotions and incidentally, inside his cheek. He picked up the one envelope he'd been specifically referring to and angrily flicked it at her, he snarled "You can read that one after you leave!"

"Wha? Huh?" stammered Ginny. She was shocked all around. After a speechless period she finally asked, distressed "What's got into you?"

Harry looked at her with an indecipherable expression. His tone was flat "You're still here? Kreacher! Miss Weasley is leaving. If she isn't out in thirty seconds, remove her. Door or floo, whichever. I don't care."

"Master?" asked the elf, in surprise.

Ginny blinked, absolutely unsure as to what had turned her boyfriend so hostile "Harry? What are you doing? This isn't like you. I demand you explain yourself!"

"Demand? I DEMAND YOU LEAVE MY HOUSE!" Harry raged, he slapped his hands, violently on the dining room table making an awful noise. He returned his tone to a normal level, addressing the elf "Kreacher, Miss Weasley's time is up. Send her out, now. If she cooperates, out the door, if not, through the wall. That's an order."

Kreacher took Ginny's wrist and said "Come, Miss. Harry Potter's orders. Please don't resist."

"Kreacher, when you return, we'll be looking at a few of these offers with an eye toward accepting." Said Harry, spitefully, his back now turned to the door.

Unable to resist the House-Elf's tugging, that was being magically reinforced by him and the Black wards that Harry controlled, Ginny was unceremoniously pushed out the front door. She glared at him and demanded "Do you want to explain just what that was all about?"

"Miss made oath to hate Harry Potter." Kreacher explained with a sneer, and pointed to the envelope Ginny held "All marriage offers. Miss very stupid. Miss now go away. Kreacher go to help Master."

Ginny was now staring at the door that had just been slammed in her face. She replayed the events of the last few minutes over and over in her mind. Glanced at the envelope in her hands, involuntarily crushed it in an act uniquely symbolic of exactly what she'd crushed. She started crying. It had her Father's handwriting.


	104. Chapter 104:Cheater

[a/n]A requested ahhh...chat...between Harry and Hermione

 **Harry Does Different Zzzzg**

Cheater

Harry Potter was lazing in a corner window of Gryffindor Tower. He liked this spot, being able to look down on the schoolyard and off to the Quidditch Pitch. He smirked at the highly useful Potions book in his lap and flipped a page.

"Using this Half-Blood Prince book, Harry!" complained Hermione "It is totally unfair! It is CHEATING! I am going to report you to Professor McGonagall!"

He jumped up and grabbed her elbow, sneering "Oh really, Granger? Let's talk about your cheating ways."

This brought everyone in the Common Room to attention. The Golden Trio fighting? The smartest witch of the age cheating. Could it be true? How? Ginny and Dean looked appalled. All the Firsties who hero worshipped the perfect grades looked betrayed. Lavender and Parvati simply shook their heads. Ron's jaw just hung down.

"You take that back at once, Harry James Potter!" she exclaimed, resorting instantly to the full name attack.

He looked her square in the eye, held up the book and countered coolly "This is a reference book, like any other. Just because it's a VERY GOOD one doesn't make it cheating. I assume you know the Webster's entry for cheating?"

"Well of course I do, don't be ridiculous!" she retorted, offended at even the implication of otherwise "To act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage, especially in a game or examination. Synonyms are swindle · defraud · deceive · trick · scam · dupe-"

Harry held up a hand and ordered "Ok stop, you made your point. Now, tell me how using a Time Tuner isn't cheating."

"What? Well, of course, it isn't." she declared firmly "Professor McGonagall got it for me. And I had to keep it secret. I only told you to help save Buckbeak and Sirius! You shouldn't have mentioned it!"

Harry nodded acknowledging, and making sure he had the Common Room's attention "Right you are. For everyone who doesn't know, the Time Tuner Hermione used in Third Year allowed her to take a total of three extra classes more than anyone else could. I mean she was literally awake thirty hours a day. So, if no one else ever gets to use a Time Tuner, she will have…uhhmm…how did it go? Gained an advantage in an unfair manner, over people just as smart who because they're not using a Time Tuner, can't work those extra hours because it's literally impossible."

"Put it that way Granger" said Parvati in an unfriendly tone. Her sister was #2 in the year "that does sound like cheating."

Stomping her foot in frustration, Hermione exclaimed "But it wasn't! Professor McGonagall authorized it!"

"Remember when Snape gave Flint permission to override our practice?" Katie Bell added, "That was pretty unfair. He always cheats for his favorites."

Looking to her other best friend, she pleaded "You don't believe that, do you, Ronald?"

"Makes all the sense in the world, Mione." The redhead replied with a shrug. "And, Harry's got the same book we do. His just has notes in it. You got a brand new potions book, mine was Bill's. Not like it's evil or nothing."

She finally Hmpfed and said "I'll have to think about this." And stomped to her dormroom.

"Well, that was fun." Seamus opined, giggling.

Harry glared at the Irish boy and sneered "Stick it Finnegan."


	105. Chapter 105:Stupid Goblet

**Harry Does Different Zzzzh**

The Goblet

"Harry Potter!" Dumbledore's voice echoed in the Great Hall as the slightly singed scrap landed in his palm.

Hagrid was shaking his head. The Durmstrangs and Beauxbatons looked at him with utter contempt. The booing from his own House followed Harry into that small room set aside for the Champions.

"Harry! Did you put your name in the Goblet?" asked Dumbledore, shaking the boy harshly.

He pushed at the hands "What part of N-O did you miss?"

"Of course zee boy is lying." Madame Maxime sneered.

Harry, barely up to her waist, glared up and retorted "Bite me you overgrown bitch."

"Harry, proper respect for the Headmistress." Dumbledore scolded him.

He gave a snort, countered "Not when she calls me a liar."

"Always trying for glory, Potter." Snape wore a nasty smile.

Harry didn't bat an eye "Same to you greasy."

"Fifty points from Gryffindor." The potions professor growled.

Harry looked at McGonagall and asked "But he doesn't get punished for insulting me? As usual?"

"Professor Moody? Do you have any theories as to how this might have happened?" asked Dumbledore, deliberately changing the subject.

The grizzled auror tapped his artificial leg with his wand a few times before responding "Well, if I were to want to sabotage the Goblet, I'd use a _Confundus_ Charm on it."

"Hmmm! Great idea!" Harry rushed back out to the Hall, pointed his wand at the Goblet and yelled " _Confundus_!"

The Goblet spit out another piece of paper. It said **Nikolai Chauchesku, Durmstrang**. Harry fired again **Alicia Thibadeaux, Beauxbatons** And again, **George Weasley, Hogwarts** Still another **Dennis Creevey, Hogwarts.** Still another **Samantha Bumstead, Beauxbatons.** Again **Josef Stalin, Durmstrang.** Another **Ekaterina Retton, Beauxbatons.** Yet again **Sarah Fawcett, Hogwarts.** Still at it, **Chad Warrington, Hogwarts.**

"Mr. Potter! What have you done?" Professor McGonagall exclaimed, in a panic, yanking away the teen's wand. But, of course, the damage had been well and thoroughly done. There were now thirteen competitors in the TwiWizard Tournament. The three Headmasters looked at each other in confusion.

Harry, irreverently, hopped on the Head Table. His legs kicking easily, he clapped a couple times and declared "NOW! Ain't we got fun!"


	106. Chapter 106:Stupid Goblet 2

**Harry Does Different Zzzzi**

The Goblet 2

Harry stood in the Champions' tent with a grim look on his face. He looked around at Viktor, Fleur and Cedric, with the school Heads. He'd been leaning toward this anyway and now he straightened his back and declared "Professor Dumbledore, I did not enter into this Tournament. And I absolutely and irrevocably refuse to participate."

"Potter, it is a magically binding contract." Barty Crouch Sr. snapped "You either participate, or die."

Harry looked at him contemptuously and cursed "Fuck you. And if that has to be...well…so be it, then."

"You cannot mean that!" cried Hermione. She ran through the back of the tent and hugged her friend.

Dumbledore offered small consolation "You will, at the very least, lose your magic."

"That's ok." Said Harry, resignedly "I'll move all my money from Gringotts to a Muggle Bank, start looking for work. I can still get to Diagon Alley from Tom's place.

Dumbledore frowned at him "Harry, we had this discussion on Halloween. You must participate."

"I don't much like Halloween." He retorted "And I don't much care for this contest. Fighting dragons? What was I going to use? _Lumos Maxima_ to blind it? No, wait _Aquamenti_ so it can't breathe fire?

Krum commented "That actually has some merit."

"Well, haha" laughed Harry "I guess Durmstrang doesn't have an intelligence test. But, go ahead, use them. I ain't setting foot outside this tent."

Both Headmasters stepped between the boys who were now glaring at each other. Dumbledore finally said "Go speak to your champion, Igor. As for you, Harry, we fortunately have time to resolve this. Now Mr. Crouch was most emphatic about your situation. You simply do not have the option of not participating. I do need to excuse myself momentarily to assist Mr. Diggory with his last minute preparations. Miss Granger, would you stand in briefly for me?"

"You cannot just defy him, Harry! He's …well…he's Dumbledore!" his female friend complained "It's just not done."

He answered "You heard me say so back during the drawing. I meant it then. I mean it now."

"Oh young love!" Rita Skeeter stumbled into the back of the tent, thereby pushing Hermione into Harry forcing the pair to steady each other. "Bozo! Get a picture!"

The photographer snapped the shot and acknowledged "Yea-hick!"

"You want a better story, Rita?" asked Harry with angry relish "Headline. Boy-Who-Lived revolts refuses to participate."

The scandal seeker's face lit up with glee "Tell me more, Harry!"

"I don't know about this, Harry." Hermione frowned at the exchange.

He shrugged "I have only one condition. No Quick Quotes. Sometimes fact is better than fiction. Here's the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. My name came out of the Goblet, fact. I did NOT enter my name, nor have anyone enter for me. Both Crouch and Dumbledore have promised I could, at best, lose my magic, at worst, die if I do not participate."

"You don't mean?" she exclaimed, scratching on her pad.

He nodded, gravely "Every last word. Look, there's Diggory coming in wounded. If fighting a dragon does that to the best Seventh Year in the school, what would it do to an underfed Fourth Year? I'm betting I'd end up in the thing's belly. Well, no thanks. Those nutjobs out there aren't getting their jollies off of me."

"Well, this begs a question" said Rita "Miss Delacour, there, heading out to face her dragon. Doesn't the Boy-Who-Lived feel embarrassed for not doing what a girl is willing to do?"

Harry was almost offended, but then realized "Again, Miss Skeeter, she's an adult, with three more years of magical education on me. I am, as was pointed out by our Minister for Magic, a child. Tell me do you think he'd be willing to face a dragon?"

"An interesting question you pose, Harry." She smirked at him. "And, oh my, that claw mark across her back looks quite painful."

Dumbledore came over just then "Harry, your turn soon."

"And what is your position on this, Headmaster?" asked Rita "A mere boy of twelve, unwillingly sucked into an event most adults would avoid competing in?"

After stoking his beard, he pointed out "Now Miss Skeeter, you cannot be a twelve year old Fourth Year. The fact that Harry's name came out of the Goblet means he was judged qualified and eligible. Unfortunately when that happened, regardless of how or why, it became an Unbreakable Magical Contract. Now, Harry, proceed to the coliseum."

"Rita, dear, you're going to want to get this one exactly. Albus, my boy, what part of N-O don't you understand?" Harry was looking right at the Headmaster as he sat in a chair. And, when the chair dissolved under him, other than a squeak of shock, he only shrugged, tucked his hands behind his head and noted "Maybe the ground is more suited to napping."

The scandal seeker grinned in sheer glee "Yes Albus, as Headmaster, what was the result of the investigation into how Mr. Potter's name ended up in the Goblet?"

"You see, Miss Skeeter, with the whole Tournament setup, the staff and I have had little time to investigate the matter." He weakly excused himself.

She followed up, brutally "However, you're certain that young Harry, despite repeated denials, entered himself in a contest where everyone was told only students at least seventeen could enter? Is that correct, sir?"

"Same thing I asked, ma'am." Harry said too innocently, winked at Hermione "Uh-huh, then the overgrown Frenchie called me a liar and his pet greaseball talked about how arrogant I always am. Oh and also insulted my Dad."

Hermione looked down at him with a sneer and kicked him none too gently at about his spleen "That is no way to talk about Professor Snape!"

"Do you frequently allow teachers to insult students, Professor?" asked Rita.

Dumbledore sighed in frustration "Miss Skeeter, let me assure you, Severus Snape has my every confidence and complete support."

"I'll just put that down as refuses to answer, shall i?" she quipped "So? What's next for this show? Bozo? Why are you not snapping away? How does our esteemed Headmaster respond to a flat out refusal?"

Harry looked annoyed "Beg pardon, Miss Skeeter... I think you should ask our esteemed Headmaster if that means he supports greasy always insulting me?"

Sighing, the Headmaster, ignoring Harry's question, could only reply "Short of an _Imperio_ there is nothing I can do."

" _Expelliarmus_!" Harry bounded to his feet and hit the Headmaster a bulls-eye. Hermione pulled her wand in support of her friend.

Rita squeaked in delight "Harry Potter beats Dumbledore to the draw! NOW that's a headline!"

"AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST! THE BOY WHO LIVED! OUR YOUNGEST COMPETITOR **HARRRRRRY POTTERRRRRRR!"** brought this sideshow to a head. Everyone in the tent looked at Harry.

Harry looked around at the supportive, negative or merely interested expressions. Then took another chair and sat, looked at the Headmaster challengingly and asked "Gonna vanish this one, too?"

"No, Harry, I am not." Replied Dumbledore coldly "But let the responsibility for this be on your head."

" **HARRRRRRY POTTERRRRRRR!"** again came from the coliseum. Then there was a buzzing of voices wondering at his absence. People who previously denounced him as a cheater were now calling him a coward.

So, he touched his wand to his throat and "Sonorous! Sonorous! SONOROUS!" voice now booming all through the whole area "ATTENTION! THIS IS HARRY POTTER! I DID NOT ENTER THIS TOURNAMENT! REPEAT! DID NOT ENTER! I ABSOLUTELY AND IRREVOCABLY REFUSE TO PARTICIPATE IN THE TRIWIZARD TOURNAMENT IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM! SO I SAY! SO MOTE IT BE!"

"Holy Merlin's hairy balls!" was one of the less profane exclamations to be heard as the echo of Harry's pronouncement faded.

There was a clomp/thump/clop/thump outside the tent "Get your bloody cowardly ass out here Potter!" the hateful voice of Professor Moody came, then the flap was torn off the tent. The grizzled Auror was in a state of utter fury. His wand came out like lightning and " _Imperio_!"

The spell enveloped Harry and his brain went fuzzy. He only had a dim awareness of being told to stand, and walk out the opening. Then as suddenly as the haze fell, it was gone. And he was looking at a man dressed as Alastair Moody. Dark hair, younger, but somehow old too…as if he'd had a difficult time at some point in his life. Like Sirius, Harry thought. Both eyes and both legs, unlike the Auror. It finally clicked, he knew this man!

"Barty Crouch Junior" said Dumbledore coolly, picking up the fallen wand "Now, how was he walking around the Castle the last few months as Alastor? Mr. Potter? Miss Granger?"

The Fourth Years momentarily looked guilty, Hermione took it, "Well, based on my studies, sir, I would say the most likely answer would be Polyjuice Potion. That would also explain missing ingredients from Professor Snape's stores."

"I'd like to know why you didn't figure it out for yourself." Harry retorted.

"And this bit would be a little above your grade level." He continued "But, one of our older contestants should know. Why would a Polyjuiced wizard suddenly and unexpectedly revert to his normal form?"

Viktor answered "Vhen he loses hiz magik."

"Quite correct, Mr. Krum, quite correct. _Incarcerous_!" Answered Dumbledore, and he headed out of the tent saying "Please keep an eye on our prisoner. I must get Severus to supply some veratisserum."

To which, Harry rolled his eyes "Damn, thought I could get through a day without Snivilus."

"Harry!" exclaimed Hermione "That could cost points!"


	107. Chapter 107:Quidditch Practice

**[a/n]** Nothing like a couple days' outage to crank up the creative juices.

 **Harry Does Different Zzzzj**

Quidditch Practice

"I reserved the pitch for now!" Oliver complained as soon as he saw the Slytherins.

Holding a small scroll Marcus Flint sneered "Easy Wood, I've got a note."

"I, Professor Severus Snape, do hereby grant the Slytherin team use of the Quidditch Pitch owing to the need to train their new Seeker." The Gryffindor Captain read "New Seeker? Who?"

Draco stepped forward with a smirk "And that's not all that's new this year." He declared, showing his broom.

"Nimbus 2001s!" exclaimed Katie "Where did you get those?"

Flint informed them pleasantly, hinting at superiority "A gift from Draco's father."

"Well, at least no one had to buy their way on the Gryffindor Team." Hermione observed, tartly "They got in on pure talent."

Draco snarled at her "No one asked your opinion, filthy little Mudblood!"

"No Ron!" Harry yanked his friend's wand from his hand before he could cast anything and restrained him "Think Ron! Now, go get McGonagall. Move!" The redhead glared rebelliously at his friend, looked down when his brothers glared back, then obeyed.

Likewise, Flint had sent Urquhart off for Professor Snape. By simple geographic circumstance, the Potion Master arrived first and launched right in "Potter! Can you not even obey written instructions? No! Likely not since you are abysmal in class! Very well, let me make it simple for your pitiful brain. Slytherin has MY permission to practice and that is all you need know!"

"That and Malfoy doesn't have the talent without his father's money." Harry retorted "And I guess he gets off scott free after insulting Hermione."

Snape glared "Twenty points from Gryffindor for being a tattletale Potter. Now, Flint, I thought I told you to practice today."

"Yes, Professor, Slytherins! In the air!" the Quiddtch Captain ordered. The team mounted brooms and prepared to follow his lead.

And that was when Ron and McGonagall appeared and demanded "Exactly what is going on here!?"

"Well, Professor Snape just showed up and took twenty points from Gryffindor calling me a tattletale." Complained Harry.

She glanced at the Slytherin with displeasure "We will address that momentarily. Now, as I understand it Gryffindor booked the pitch for today. Flint! Come down at once!"

"Yes ma'am. Professor Snape gave me this, this morning." Said the Slytherin Captain.

She read the scroll, then "Severus, when does your team's normal reservation occur?"

"That has no bearing on the situation, Minerva." He replied.

She looked at him sourly "Every House is entitled to three practices per week. Slytherin has had theirs. Your team has had its allotted practices. Your action gives your House four and causes Gryffindor to lose a practice. This, right before a Gryffindor/Slytherin game? I do not think so. Mr. Wood, resume your practice."

"Wood, disobey my note and you will have detention all year!" growled Snape.

Minerva looked at him like a misbehaving student "Professor, Wood is obeying my instructions and will NOT receive any punishment! Nor will ANY member of the Gryffindor Team! Now, regarding Mr. Potter, you had no cause to deduct points for him sending Mr. Weasley to seek me out. Your point deduction is revoked. Mr. Malfoy, your use of THAT word is unacceptable. Fifty points from Slytherin and detention with me, now. There, Severus, that should resolve any scheduling disputes for today."

"But, Professor!" the blonde-haired boy looked at Snape "She cannot DO that! Wait'll my Father hears of this!"

She waved a hand toward the school and replied coldly "You will find, Mr. Malfoy, that I most DEFINITELY can. Now, march yourself inside at once or I will deduct a further fifty points for your insolence. After your detention you may write your father. Now! Move!"

"PROFESSOR!" whined Draco, stomping his feet.

McGonagall pushed at his shoulder "That is an addition fifty points, Mr. Malfoy. Shall I deduct another hundred?"

Severus looked at his fellow educator and growled "Let's see what Albus has to say about this."

"MCGONAGALL MCGONAGALL MCGONAGALL MCGONAGALL MCGONAGALL MCGONAGALL!" echoed from the riders in the sky above.


	108. Chapter 108:Potions 1

[a/n]Cheers to Fugacity who reviewed wonderfully on many of these 1shots, but most famously offered :: Ewwwwwww! Creepy to the max on **Ch#11** and  Rita and Harry?!  
EWWWWW! You have a sick, diseased mind on **Ch#76**

 **Harry Does Different Zzzzk**

Potions 1

The classroom door burst open "There will be no silly wand waving in this class!" the dark teacher's robes billowed into the room "As such I do not expect much of you dunderheads. But for those select few" he favored the blonde-haired boy from his own House with a not-quite smile.

Harry was struggling with using quill and parchment, so after rolling his eyes at the ponce, he was tightly concentrated on copying the teacher's words **Teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, even put a stopper in death.**

"Then again." He suddenly sneered "Some of us come with skills sooooooo formidable they need not pay attention **.** "

The bushy brown-haired girl nudged him and Harry looked up to see the teacher looming over him. He gulped fearfully, feeling like he was confronting Uncle Vernon.

"Tell me Potter, what would I have if I added powdered root of asphodel was added to an Infusion of Wormwood?" he asked harshly.

Harry had to reswallow his Adam's apple to reply "I don't know, sir."

"Really?" the teacher responded with a cold grin "Let's try again. Where would you look, Potter, if I told you to get me a bezoar?"

Again, Harry swallowed a lump of fear "I don't know, sir." His voice quavered.

"Pity." His smile wasn't pleasant "One more chance, what is the difference between monkshood and wolfbane?"

Harry felt stupid, especially next to this girl who seemed to know all the answers. He choked back a sob and admitted again "I don't know." After that, though, he couldn't take it and burst out in tears "The stupid bloody Dursleys wouldn't let me have my books!"

"Come on, Harry." The girl next to him squeezed his shoulder comfortingly.

The crying subsided slightly, into wet sobbing.

"Stop that puerile nonsense Potter!" the teacher screamed, furiously.

Harry looked up at the angry man, momentarily silenced, then burst into a new round of far worse crying "AWWWAWAWAW! I'm WAWAWAHWAHWAHWAH sorry s-s-sir! Uhhg *snort* All my WAAAAAHH! FAULT!"

"Fifty points from Gryffindor, you insufferable little brat!" Snape roared, Potter's brat was worse than he could possibly have imagined "Now! SHUT UP! Or I will give you something to cry about!"

Harry held his hands to his face, protectively and sobbed and sniffled "N-n-no! W-w-w-wah! Please don't hit m-me s-s-sir!" He ran, bumped his best friend almost knocking him off his stool. He did fall into the redhaired girl next to him, spilling both into the aisle. By the time he helped her up and finished apologizing, the professor was there "No sir! Please! It was my fault, not hers!"

Abcij

"Mr. Potter, please remain after class." Professor McGonagall ordered as the bell rang. She'd had the opportunity and went out of her way to observe the boy's class performance. As it was only the second class of the year, you just didn't expect much of First Years. Yet here was a true prodigy. He'd beat the old record, held by Albus Dumbledore no less, by almost six minutes, for achieving toothpick to paperclip transfiguration. And the only reason he did not hold the record was Hermione Granger accomplished the feat 37 seconds sooner. She subtly watched the boy as the class departed.

Harry pushed himself on the chair that would not fit him properly for at least a year, probably two. Then he sat ramrod straight and away from the back of the chair, and folded his hands on the desk. At first, he swung his feet wildly under his seat, but now that was only movement due to small muscle twitches.

"An interesting first couple days, Mr. Potter?" she opened with, as she closed the door. She had to order the Weasley boy away with a flick of the finger and stern look.

Harry kept his gaze on the front of the classroom, answering "Yes'm."

"There are concerns that have come my way." She went on "I am not one to mince words. What happened in Professor Snape's class?"

The boy looked down and shrugged, muttering "…"

"Repeat that, and speak up." She ordered. "I would also appreciate eye contact."

He looked up without raising his head and said "I made Professor Snape mad at me."

"On the first day of class?" she questioned "I do not think that likely, so soon. What do you think might have made the professor angry?"

Harry sniffed "I couldn't answer his questions. He wanted to know all these potions things I should know. And I didn't. but I couldn't! Uncle Vernon locked up my freak stuff!" he was beginning to break down again.

"Are you telling me, Potter, you did not read a single bit of magic from the day Mr. Hagrid took you shopping until today?" asked McGonagall, looking angry.

And Harry had no idea why the tough looking woman looked so upset, so he assumed it was his fault. The more a child tries to look not-upset, the worse upset he gets, of course, now he cried through "No ma'am. Uncle Vernon told me if he saw one freak book, he'd burn the whole pile then throw me on it." More sobbing.

"Potter, why don't you go to lunch? We'll see more about this, later." She said gruffly.

The boy slid out of his desk, still looking disconsolate and headed for the door, he paused "Oh, one more thing, 'fessor, I'm real sorry I cost Gryffindor 50 points this morning."


	109. Ch 109:Harry Potter and Michael Myers

[a/n]A reviewer request from a while back. Had to spin it around for a while. It was so unusual that... well -

Assume the same rating as Halloween

 **Harry Does Different Zzzzl**

Harry Potter and Michael Myers

A teenage wizard was sitting around behaving perfectly normally in #4 Privet Dr. In fact, he and his cousin were having a comparatively friendly day. It was raining outside and there was nothing to do but watch the telly. Even that got boring so Dudley grabbed a random videotape off the box and popped it in. As the movie started, he immediately complained "Halloween? Not even close to my favorite day."

"I really didn't ask your opinion, Freak. This is what I grabbed, this is what I watch." Cousin Dudley fell into the chair he only got to be in when his father wasn't home. But he could grin at the fact Harry wasn't allowed on the furniture at all.

This, Harry ignored, deciding to not start a fight that would cause more trouble than it was worth. So he watched. And with growing fascination. The snippet of the little boy murdering his sister somewhat reminded him of what Dumbledore said about young Tom Riddle. He muttered "Does that make Hogwarts a sanitarium?"

"Don't talk about that freak place or I'll tell Dad." Dudley threatened then "Mum! When are we getting DVDs? Tapes are sooooooooooo 70s!"

She came rushing in "Oh poor Duddikins! We'll see about one for your birthday."

"What about mine?" Harry snarked. He didn't even get an answer, not that he expected one.

The movie went on. The boys watched the darkened form of the main character escape from his decade long cell, pick up a knife, and plunge it into the kidneys of a mechanic. The man gurgles blood unable to scream and dies. Michael effortlessly stripped the victim and put on the uniform which fit perfectly. Then he put a mask on and headed for town.

"Hey, Dud, get this" Harry was looking at the description on the back of the video case "They made Michael's mask by spray painting a Captain Kirk Halloween mask."

Dudley became fascinated with the couple having sex in the bedroom. The boy pulled the girl's shirt over her head and then snapped her bra off. "Never seen that before, Potter." He taunted his cousin.

"You paid for it, Dud." Harry retorted.

Then Michael appeared and drove a knife right through the boy's chest. Then choked the girl with a telephone cord. Through all of the murderous struggles, the victim seemed totally unable to fight back against Michael's strength. Even at the end, when the bald guy shot Michael multiple times, knocking him of a two story balcony he simply walked away.

"That was some creepy shit." Dudley shivered.

But, Harry was lost in thought. And weeks later, when he was at Grimmald Pl, he went up to Dumbledore and said "Professor, I have an idea to end this stupid war. And it won't even involve anyone we know killing anyone or risking our lives."

"Well, that's wonderful, Harry!" the Headmaster enthused "No bloodshed is a wonderful goal!"

Harry knew he was telling half the truth, but that's more than he ever got. He nodded "Thank you sir. I just need three things from you. An international Portkey from here to Haddonfield, Illinois, USA, and one from there to Malfoy Manor. Then from Malfoy Manor back here."

"What on Eahth is there!" Hermione demanded, speaking very thickly accented.

Arthur put in "You cannot possibly want to go right into Death Eater central alone, Harry."

"Don't worry. I have it all planned out." He promised "I'll have Dad's cloak with me. Fact is I probably won't be there more than five minutes."

Remus shook his head "No. I don't like this idea at all."

"Oh come on Moony! Think of it as a Marauder scheme." He countered with a grin.

Fred and George blinked at him, "Marauders? Really?"

"Yeah guys." Harry nodded enthusiastically "Meet Moony. I'm Prongs Jr. If I can't get Protkeys out of them, are you game?"

In stereo the twins replied worshipfully "At your command!"

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" screeched Molly.

Harry shrugged "You guys know you're overage? Right?"

Ginny started a hissy fit for no apparent reason, except it was just the chaos needed to distract Molly. By the time the house settled down Portkeys were ready and Harry vanished with a flash.

::Haddonfield, Illinois::

"Bloody!" Harry cursed "Feel like my arse is in my bellybutton!" That over, he looked around to get his baring. He couldn't help but smile "I love magic! DOCTOR LOOMIS!"

The balding man spun around and ran toward Harry "I don't know who you are, kid. But you're in extreme danger. My escaped patient is on the loose and killing everyone that gets in the way of him killing his sister!"

"Oh, I know all about it, sir." He answered as politely as the situation allowed "You know it won't end until he's dead, right? I can handle that. I just need to get close enough to touch Michael and we'll be gone forever. I promise."

Suddenly, a scream split the chilly Illinois air and Loomis pointed "There! Thataway!"

"No kidding." Said Harry, following the Muggle and simultaneously pulling out his Invisibility Cloak. It didn't take long for the pair to find the site of trouble.

With one hand, Michael lifted a girl by the throat. She was scratching futilely at his hand unable to speak above a squeak. A young man grabbed a lawnchair and swung it at Michael's back. He slowly turned and pushed the chair back. It was a heavy metal one. The man stumbled back. Still strangling the girl, Michael pushed down on the fallen man with the chair, crushing his chest.

" _Expelliarmus! Expelliarmus! Expelliarmus_!" Harry's spells threw the lawnchair out of Michael's reach, broke the girl from his grip and skidded the young man far away. He told the psychiatrist "Now, Dr. Loomis, I want you to yell for his attention. Shoot, but not at him. You won't be able to see me."

The balding Muggle looked at the boy as if he was nuts "Of course I can see you! Well I'll be damned."

"Probably." Chuckled a suddenly disembodied voice "Bye, Doc, it was a great movie."

Loomis saw the brown autumn leaves kick up in the direction of his mental patient, so he obeyed yelling "Michael! Over here!" and shooting his revolver in the air *BANG* *BANG* It was a little unnerving to see the horror stalking toward him. He aimed at Michael with a shaky hand. But, then, all of a sudden he was gone. "Well, good luck kid. Hope you know what you've got yourself into."

Malfoy Castle

"No wonder nothing hurts you." Harry commented in wonder, then ducked a misaimed punch. He retreated a few steps and tested the main gate. It opened. He threw off his Invisibility Cloak and shouted "Hey git! Over here!"

Michael lunged forward, in pursuit. The thick wood door was only a minor obstacle. He quickly broke through ripping it to splinters.

"Come on, Michael, come on." Harry taunted from half-way across the foyer "Got a lot of Death Eaters for you to meet." He let the not quite human get close enough to grab for him, then ducked under the arms and ran across the room.

The white mask almost seemed to smile at a spear held by a suit of armor. He pushed it over, violently, claimed the weapon and stalked Harry again.

"Who is in there?" an arrogant voice demanded, the sound was enough to draw the attention of people elsewhere in the house. There was the noise of chairs moving and footsteps approaching.

Harry laid his trap by running right towards the hallway he heard the noises from "Over here, git!" he yelled. Making sure Michael was looking his way, and advancing. He looked away from the lumbering murderer and the instant he saw people approaching, he pulled on his Invisibility Cloak and circled around to the destroyed door.

Of course Michael's deranged mind noted the disappearance of the one person, but so many others would go to satisfy the bloodlust.

"How did you get in here?" Lucius Malfoy demanded.

The half-transformed werewolf snarled "You don't know how to deal with intruders." He walked up to Michael and slashed him across the chest.

Michael staggered, only very slightly, and looked at the attacker curiously. Then took the spear and drove it right through Greyback's belly. He pushed the weapon so hard, it came out his victim's back. Michael was pleased as the spear creaked with the dying werewolf's weight.

"Damn!" Harry gagged under his Cloak. It was most unpleasant to see someone die like that.

Bellatrix Lestrange, who'd murdered his Godfather, whipped out her wand and fired " _Avada Kedavra_!"

Michael fell flat on his face. Harry was rather disappointed. His whole scheme over this quick?

After a minute or so of unresolved tension, Draco stepped forward and arrogantly kicked over the body. To everyone's shock, and particularly Draco's horror, the body sat up and seized his ankle. The pressure quickly became intolerable and he screamed like a firstie dealing with a Peeves prank. Draco cried in agony as his ankle was twisted the wrong way, anyone could hear the sickening crunch.

All the Death Eater wands were out, now, but none dared fire with Lucius' son in the way. Harry flinched in sympathy with his school nemesis, but made sure he was out of any line of fire as the scene continued to unfold.

Draco, in agony and desperate to escape, clawed at the powerful hand and got lucky. He scrambled away and didn't stop until he was behind his mother.

"Are all of my followers so incompetent?!" Voldemort roared onto the scene " _Crucio_!"

Harry felt a thrill of fear at the sight of his ultimate enemy. He hated himself for it, but couldn't contain it. He double checked to make sure nothing was exposed from under his Cloak. He was immensely pleased that the torture curse seemed to have no effect.

"A remarkable display." Voldemort suddenly changed attitude "I could use someone like you in my ranks. Why don't we discuss possible mutual interests?"

Lucius protested "My Lord! He's destroyed my foyer! Crippled my son! I want his head!"

"By all means, my slippery friend." The Dark Lord allowed with a wave of his hand. The other Death Eaters half-lowered their wands and backed away, leaving a clear path.

Lucius growled hatefully "No one comes into my home, attacks my son and leaves alive." He stepped forward, wand extended and within inches of the intruder.

Michael briefly looked over the black stick, decided it was useful, grabbed the hand holding it and squeezed.

"Ahhhhhh!" Lucius gasped in excruciating pain and dropped his wand.

It landed in Michael's hand, where he studied it briefly and then drove the wand straight through the softest part of his victim's throat. Blood spurted all over. It was most satisfying.

Blackness engulfed Lucius as he sagged against his killer's body.

"Well done, well done!" the Dark Lord cackled. He applauded as he approached this new killing machine, even patting him on the shoulder "Come, my new friend, take off your mask and tell us your name."

Harry couldn't help cheering as Voldemort screamed in pain. It just slipped out.

Michael looked at the hand on his shoulder, grabbed it and squeezed.

"Get Potter!" yelled Voldemort, and he cried "Help me!"

Harry was forced to use his last Portkey from Malfoy Castle to Grimmauld Pl. But he departed with the delightful image of his hated enemy being forced to his knees.

"How could you unleash such a creature?!" exclaimed Dumbledore on hearing the tale. "A killing machine! They could still repent and come to the Light."

Harry grunted, eyed the empty seat at the head of the table and retorted "Wouldn't do him any good, even if Bella sees the Light!"


	110. Chapter 110:Death Eaters and Benadryl

[a/n]This was, oddly, inspired by a comedy story about Harry winning the war via use of Benadryl.

 **Harry Does Different Zzzzm**

Death Eaters and Benadryl

"Amycus Carrow; Defense Against the Dark Arts will undergo a distinct change in curriculum going forward." The new professor announced "The so-called Dark Arts are nothing of the sort. Even the dreaded Avada Kedavra can be used for good. Suppose a family member is dying of a slow, painful, wasting disease. They moan and cry all day, all night suffering and completely incurable. It is a mercy to end their life swiftly. My job is to expose you to all of these spells. Your job will be to learn to use them. You will practice them to proficiency."

Soon after this the Voice of the Resistance went on the air "Gemini speaking today for the Light with a message for Lightning. Repeat - a message for Lightning, from Spots. Spots reports guns being used at home. Say again - guns being used at home. Message will be repeated every hour."

"Gemini is George." Ron knew instantly "I don't think Spots can be anyone but Ginny."

Hermione picked it up "Lightning is you, Harry. But guns? Why guns?"

"All of you know I think of Hogwarts as home, more than I ever did the Dursleys'" Harry completed "Guns are something only Muggles use. What's the closest thing Magicals would have? Uhhmmm…. Unforgivables. Someone at Hogwarts is using Unforgivables on students at Hogwarts. You two pack up, we're going back to school. I have some shopping to do. I'll be back in a few hours."

While packing, the pair heard the Late Night News from London "Good evening Londoners, this is Rupert Grint with BBC News at eleven. At the top of tonight's local stories is a rash of thefts from several large pharmacies in the Surrey area. On scene at the 2000 block of Kensington St. right now is reporter Tom Felton. Tommy, what's the story?"

"Well, thanks Rupert, I'm here with Pharmacy Manager Eleanor Columbus." The blonde haired reporter was holding a microphone for himself and one for a redhead woman "Miz Columbus? Can you tell us what happened?"

She tittered a bit "I'm actually on TV? Teehee! Sorry. It was strange. I have such a good memory for people, and most I can do, he's very lean shorter than the average man. Black haired, I'd call it raven. I looked him square in the face, but I can remember nothing. He had a scar, but I don't remember its shape, nor the shape of his nose, nor eye color. He asked me for our Benadryl stock and I let him walk away with every bottle I had."

"Much the same story throughout Surrey. You're not alone, Miz Columbus." Felton went on "Rupert, the pharmacies, like here, that have security cameras, all seem to have had malfunctions as the suspect entered right until he left. No one has offered any better description than the lady here. Back to you Rupert."

The anchor resumed "Thanks Tommy. Of course, the Surrey PD is investigating and speaking to victims. They do note that no one has been harmed, fortunately, but the suspect is assumed to be at least potentially dangerous."

"Hermione? Ron? You guys ready?" Harry arrived at the tent *pop* with a couple armfuls of plastic shopping bags.

And Hermione was righteously outraged "Harry James Potter! Shoplifting! What in the bloody hell do you think you're doing!"

"Hear that Ron? She CAN curse." he chuckled, dodging and blocking her assault on him "Shoplifting is easy. We've already committed kidnapping, assault. And don't forget my murder five years ago. Never mind the one I still plan on. As for now….Ron, would you let a little thing like money stop you from protecting Ginny?"

She just stomped her foot and glared at him across their magically roomy tent "It's not fair asking him a question like that! What exactly is this clever plan of yours?"

"The one medicine Petunia ever gave me was Benadryl." He pulled one bottle out of one box and showed it "This stuff never failed to put my lights out. Now if it works on a Muggle raised like me, what's it going to do to those Pureblood Junior Death Eaters? Just a little too much and they'll be out for hours."

Hermione frowned, deeply, shook her head "I don't like it. Drugs are dangerous. And what if someone gets more than they can stand?"

"Well, that's why I have all three doses of the pills." Harry explained, then with a touch of ruthlessness "And that's what you're for, help us figure out a way to make my dangerous idea a little less dangerous. And, once we have them out, how best to use them. Remember, they're _Crucio_ ing our friends."

Under the Invisibility Cloak, the Trio bypassed all the security and stole their way down to the kitchens.

"Masters Mistress how can Mipsy serves you?" asked a bowing Elf.

Harry frowned as he pulled off the Invisibility Cloak he began "How did you- never mind, not important- we're here to help all the suffering kids."

"Hogwarts elves want to help." She promised "What cans we dooos?"

He smiled at her "We want to put the bad kids to sleep, so they can't torture the good ones." It was a half truth.

"Harry Potter is lying." A timid elf came forward.

Hermione gave a sad smile "Hello Winky. I'm so sorry, if you did not get the news, but-"

"Winky knows." She straightened and gritted out "And Dobby be shamed Harry Potter dishonor Dobby's sacrifice. Harry Potter not poison Hoggy's children."

Harry's wand flashed blue and the female elf's body flew across the kitchen. She landed harshly and, after almost standing, fell over in a bowl of cookie batter. "Sorry about that, Winky" offered Harry with deep regret "Now, Mipsy, it is very important that all of the children using the bad spells get doses of these. All that happens is they'll fall into a deep sleep. Hermione will tell you which student gets how much and add it to their drink. Alright?"

"Yessir Master Harry sir!" exclaimed the kitchen elf, quite intimidated by the young wizard's display of power.

Hermione gave a dirty look, but complied "You know I do not like this plan, Harry. Right, anyone under a hundred pounds gets fifty milligrams. A hundred to one-fifty gets a hundred milligrams. A hundred fifty to two hundred gets a hundred-fifty milligrams. Over two hundred gets two hundred."

"What happened? Who are you? Where am i?" demanded Amycus Carrow in the early morning hours.

A masked wizard came out of the shadows and ordered "Sit up you Death Eater turd!"

"You're messing with the wrong group, mate." He sneered as he pushed himself up against a cement column.

A young witch's voice whimpered "Daddy is that you?" There was a crack of flesh on flesh and she cried out "DADDY!" Then she was pushed violently into the column and fell over him. She fell awkwardly, landed wrong and started sobbing "Owwowwwoww-oww! My shoulder, my head!"

"Flora sweetie!" hollered Amycus. Bound hand and foot, he could do nothing but squirm around then comfortingly nudge his head against his daughter's then snarled "What is this? Do you fools have any idea who you're messing with?"

Bright blue lights appeared, they illuminated three other nearby columns. Chained there were Vincent Crabbe, Greg Goyle and Hestia Carrow. A witch appeared and yanked on the man's thinning hair; she too was masked, her hair in a non-descript ponytail. "It's come to our attention you've been torturing students. Or, more precisely, you've been having students torturing other students."

"Come here, Junior Death Eater!" another masked wizard yanked Flora up by the hair and manhandled her to a fourth column. A few waves of the wand and the girl was chained next to her sister. He grabbed her throat and sneered "Having fun _Crucio_ ing little kids?"

The girl sneered at him "They will learn to worship at the Dark Lord's feet. Or die!"

"Really?" the wizard sneered right back, and violently drove his fist into her stomach.

One of the privileged, Flora Carrow had never felt pain, she screamed in agony. And, just as she recovered her breath, she was engulfed in a haze of green pain. She sagged until the chains, quite unforgivingly, held her up. And cried "Help me Daddy!"

"Honey! Daddy's here! I'm coming!" yelled Amycus as he writhed to his feet. Then, he could only grunt as the witch beside him kicked his bound feet out from under. He fell face first to the stone floor. Ignoring the blood dripping past his eye from the cut on his forehead, he cried "Sodding stop it!"

The Torture Curse was stopped after another minute. The four hostages cried for mercy, while the Crucio caster paced menacingly around the columns.

"I hope we've made our point, Death Eater." The first mask kicked the prisoner over and stood next to his left ear "We have kids under your 'care' Could be anyone. Hannah Abbott, for instance. Or, Ernie MacMillan. Susan Bones, perhaps. Orla Quirk, maybe or Anthony Goldstein. Ginny Weasley, Cormac McLaggen … you just never know. Now, you're going back. Number One, something of theirs, please."

The wizard still stalking among the hostages went into Hestia, pulled open her robes and began searching.

"Not what I mean!" he growled, then "Goyle! Hold up a finger! Hahah, very funny! _Diffindo_! A gift…for Greg's Dad."

The Seventh Year howled in pain as his middle finger bounced off his head and landed at his feet. He was sobbing pitifully when the masked wizard stalked over, picked it up, tore off a portion of is robe and wrapped it up. The mask walked over to Amycus and ordered, ominously "Say goodbye to your precious twins."

"I WANT MY DAUGTERS BACK!" the Death Eater screamed when he was next conscious. He then noticed that he was in his office and the Sun was almost up.

The, or at least A mask, was sitting in HIS chair in HIS classroom "Honestly, Death Eater, did you really think I wouldn't silence the area. No one can hear you." The mask informed him coldly "Now, just to be clear, if we hear about anymore Unforgivables being cast … and rest assured, we WILL … you'll get a body part. We might start with fingers and toes, but we could up it to eyes, lungs or hearts." The mask held up young Goyle's wrapped finger, conjured a bow to add, and tossed it just so it landed on the bound wizard's chest.

I'LL KILL YOU! AND YOUR FAMILY! AND EVERY MUDBLOOD ON THE PLANET! I SWEAR IT!" Amycus ranted and raged. The only response that reached his ears was the sound of footsteps, the classroom door opening and closing. He struggled with his bonds. It would be some time before he got loose.


	111. Chapter 111:Phlem 2

**Harry Does Different Zzzzn**

Phlem 2

Dedicated to Slytherin66, The Shadows Mistress, Katzztar, magitech, who pointed out Hermione's passive approval. A direct sequel to Ch #99

Harry was a bit the odd man out after the wedding. Fleur's cousin was …well…hot… was the only word for it. But, despite being the same age, Marie was somehow just too young. So, he wandered about the tent. He talked to Mr. Lovegood, then danced with Luna.

"I would like to speak to you." Said Hermione, her body language and tone of voice both neutral.

Harry gulped down his cup of pumpkin juice, turned and said "Why, of course, Hermione. Shall we dance while we're at it?" and offered his hand.

"Of course." She took the offered hand and allowed him to lead "My first Wizard wedding too. Quite different from the Muggle world. But, and don't tell Ronald, Bill knocked my socks off."

Harry grinned at her and slid both his hands over her hips "I, naturally, think Fleur made a stunning bride and her cousin Marie… well… I wish her personality matched her looks. Maybe she'd match well with Colin, or possibly Dennis."

"That is surprisingly mature of you, Harry." She complimented him "But I've always liked how you seem to not drool at Fleur. I am, however, not at all pleased with what you did to Ginny."

He raised an eyebrow, and though he still had his hands on her hips, the average two-year old could get between them. He queried "Oh?"

"Ripping a girl's dress right before she's in a wedding!?" she answered harshly "What possessed you to do that?"

He smirked, rather proud of himself and retorted "I'll tell you just what I told her. I had a bit of PHLEM on my hands. You get the reference, I trust? And don't even think of slapping me, cause I'll slap you right back."

"You wouldn't!" she snapped back "And anyway, since when are you a Fleur fan?"

He gave a single humorless "Ha." And "Try me. Second, remember that little thing in Fourth Year? You can't go through that and not respect someone. Even if she didn't, I think you of all people could understand. Some people have treated you shitty since day one. What are you doing, going along with it?"

"I didn't-" she began.

He tugged on her waist, bringing them nose-to-nose, and snarled "Bullshit! And don't bother with the language thingy. Did you stop Ginny's Phlem thing? No. You ever think about it from her point of view? Marrying a man from a foreign country? Come over three hundred miles to live among people she doesn't know?"

"Those didn't occur to me." She admitted, grudgingly.

He rolled his eyes, unimpressed "Still not the point. You're still … none of what I said should've even mattered."

"You know, Harry" she squirmed to get some space between them "this is starting to annoy me, especially considering I wanted to have words about what you did to Ginny's dress."

He gave a sarcastic snort and replied "I apologized. There was PHLEM on my fingers. As for you, well even I remember what Burke said Evil succeeds when good men do nothing."

"The actual quote is _The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing_." She corrected, absently.

He shrugged "Whatever. You get my point. My opinion, you owe Fleur an apology. So does Ginny. Mrs. Weasley hasn't been too welcoming, either. I think I've had enough dance, think I'll chat with the Delacours and sneak off for a snog with Marie."

"I was under the impression you decided she was too young for you." she observed with a distinct sense of disapproval.

Harry shook with laughter and pulled away "Hermione, I'm a red-blooded teenage wizard. I'm willing to snog most anyone in a skirt, except you who I consider a sister. So, while I'm having fun, feel free to think about what I said."

She watched him stroll off happy as can be, accept an embrace from Fleur and carry off the girl who seemed to have more curves than a racetrack. Half a dozen emotions and her logical thought processes warred within for dominance as Hermione tried to figure out exactly how her plan to lecture Harry on the wrongness of ripping a girl's dress turned against her.


	112. Chapter 112:Potions 2

[a/n]Last time saw a Harry more broken by Dursley abuse. This time is a Harry who listened more to what Hagrid said.

 **Harry Does Different Zzzzo**

Potions 2

Harry was writing, with difficulty on crinkly parchment using a quill, ballpoint pen and notebook paper were much easier. But anyway Professor Snape's words went I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, and even put a stopper in death. The girl Harmony, was it? From his own House got his attention with an elbow nudge. He looked at her and asked "Huh?"

"Then again, maybe there are those of us who come to Hogwarts in possession of abilities so formidable they need—not—pay- attention." Professor Snape stalked over and glared down, continuing "Mr. Potter, our new celebrity. Tell me, Potter, what would i—"

Harry glared back, cutting him off "Tell me, Snape, why am I a celebrity?"

"Don't interrupt me, Potter." The potion master snarled "Everyone knows why you are a celebrity. Hence the term. Gryffindors note, five points will be taken for your classmate's cheek."

The girl nudged him, nervously, when he started out of his seat. He poked her back and hissed "Let me alone Harmony!"

"It is HER—MY—OH—KNEE!" she over-enunciated.

Harry ignored her and went on "Well, I'll tell you, I'm a celebrity because some psycho named Voldemort wanted to murder me. And-"

"DO NOT USE THAT NAME!" roared Snape, apoplectic with rage. All the class, except Muggleborns who didn't know better, gasped in horror at the use of the feared name.

A little theatrically, Harry looked around the room, then back at the teacher "Whyever not? And, by the way, Slytherins note, five points will be taken for your professor interrupting me."

"Students. Do. Not. Take. Points. Potter." The professor gritted out "And that will be ten points from Gryffindor."

Harry glared back "Maybe I'll deduct fifteen from Slytherin. You still didn't answer my question, Binns is on Goblin Rebellions, what's wrong with saying Voldemort?"

"Fifty points from Gryffindor, Potter!" Professor Snape now actively hated his enemy's son on a personal level "And if you use his name again I. Will. Kill. You!"

The whole class gasped at the suddenly possibly violent confrontation. The girl beside him yanked on his elbow and ordered "Stop it Harry! Sit down!"

"Oh shut up Harmony!" he countered, her correction hadn't registered "This whole points thing is stupid. Five hundred points from Slytherin! And I still don't know what's up your greasy ass about Voldemort."

Pushed over the edge, but not so far as to use an Unforgivable, the furious teacher drew his wand and fired " _Confringo_!"

"Yipes!" squeaked Harry, and had he not ducked, it would have hit him square in the chest. As it was, the spell splintered Millicent Boldstrode's desk, behind him. Harry, Hermione, Ron and Susan were sprayed with desk shards. Harry had decided the whole situation was like dealing with his cousin. He taunted "Damn, Greasy, my cousin Dudley has better aim."

Provoked beyond reason, Professor Snape trained his wand, but the boy was running and dodging making it difficult to target him. Only adding to his fury, the brat yanked the classroom door shut as he fled. The raging professor ran headlong into the door, shattering the window and ended up hanging through it "I WILL DESTROY YOU POTTER!" he raged "YOU'LL WISH THE DARK LORD HAD FINISHED YOU!"

"Ya look a little stuck, Greasy." Harry taunted. He'd been sprinting down the hall when he heard the crash. He'd stopped and turned just in time to see the upper half of the potions teacher come through the door. "Hey? I still don't know why I can't say Voldemort."

Abcij

Professor McGonagall was teaching Seventh Year Transfiguration "…am very proud of you. Yes? What is it Mr. Potter? Should you not be in Potions?"

"Well, yes ma'am." He answered as he opened the door enough to step in, and added curiously "How did you know that?"

She replied brusquely "It is my job, young man. Now what do you want?"

"You mean, if I asked where Fred Weasley was, you could tell me?" he went on, oblivious to her annoyance.

The Head of Gryffindor stalked over and growled at the student "Never mind all that, what…Mr. Potter…are you doing out of class?"

"Oh…Professor Grea-I mean Snape- I asked him why I couldn't say Voldemort, and - uh…why is everyone looking at me like that?" he noticed the whole of her class with fearful looks.

She had her wand out and poked his shoulder "Mr. Potter! Stop with the distractions and finish your story!"

"Well, like I said, I said Voldemort and Snape yelled at me, then threatened to kill me if I said Voldemort again." Harry rambled a bit "Then he fired a spell at me that blew up a desk and… OW!..." he reached around his back and pulled a large splinter. "Ouch! Then he chased me."

The senior students were all agog at this little boy who dared to repeatedly use He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named's name.

"If Professor Snape was pursuing you so angrily, Mr. Potter, then where is he now?" McGonagall wanted to know.

To which the small First Year replied innocently "Last I saw, he was stuck in the Potions class door."

No one dared laugh, quite. But it was a near thing. One senior clearly had blue hair and another just passed out.

Abcij

"Don't worry, Harry. My ugly brother and me will dedicate our lives to making Snapey's life miserable." One of Ron's older twin brothers promised at supper that night.

A witch appeared at the Great Hall entrance. She was accompanied by three others. Whispers and eyes followed this witch, whose bearing made Professor McGonagall seem like a comedian. "Who is that?" was answered by "Dunno." The word "Auror" was heard.

"Hiya Auntie!" came from the Hufflepuff table. A cheery girl met the stern woman at the Head Table and took her hand. Harry noted it was the same redheaded girl who sat next to his friend in Potions. This somewhat ended the mystery.

The Headmaster himself provided another detail "Good evening, Amelia, what can Hogwarts do for the Department of Magical Law Enforcement?"

"Albus." She returned pleasantly enough, then she turned a steely expression on the Potions Master "Severus Snape… you are under arrest. Multiple charges of assault on children. Including my niece. Aurors, take him away."

Dumbledore stood and offered a placating gesture "Now now Amelia, surely we can come to some sort of understanding. Severus has my complete trust."

"Go on, Severus" said Amelia with what _looked_ like a friendly smile "resist, please. Why don't you go for your wand?" When the Aurors were less than gentle lifting him from his chair, his temper snapped. Amelia's response was to tug her niece protectively behind her and only very quietly, nearly inaudibly, warn her people "No. Not too hard."

He was bound, hand and foot. Magically. And it is really quite easy to transport someone using magic. But the trio of Aurors simply seized assorted body parts and unceremoniously dragged the struggling Potion Master out of the Great Hall.

"Amelia, that is uncalled for." Dumbledore complained "A Professor must have the respect of his students. Having him forcibly removed will damage his reputation."

She turned a hostile look on him "Headmaster, you may blame Severus for struggling against my people. Or do you somehow think it is Susan's fault your teacher tried to murder her? No, Headmaster, I am making it my life's work to see him in Azkaban. If I fail there, I guarantee he will never teach again."


	113. Chapter 113:Winky is not Dobby

**Harry Does Different Zzzzp**

Winky is not Dobby

"Alright! Which one of you cast it!?" a panicky wizard pointed his wand at Harry and his friends. "Which one? You? Or you!"

Mr. Weasley grabbed his wrist and yanked it away "Idiot! Barty! They're children! MY children!"

"This is the wand that cast it!" Barty Crouch exclaimed "Whose? Whose is it?"

Harry stepped forward "Mine, but I'd dropped it in the" he broke off his story when he noticed a familiar shape and touched the shoulder "Dobby?"

"Winky is not Dobby, sir." The elf answered.

Harry now noticed the elf was a female "Ahh… right… a girl elf, sorry about that."

"Great Harry Potter Sir calls Dobby! Great Harry Potter Sir calls Dobby!Great Harry Potter Sir calls Dobby!Great Harry Potter Sir calls Dobby!" the excitable creature from Second Year popped in and bounced all around, drawing even more attention, as if that was possible.

Barty yanked a glove off and threw it at the female elf and roared "AN ELF USING A WAND! SHAME! TO ME! TO MY FAMILY! YOU ARE GIVEN C-L-O-T-H-E-S!" He tossed the glove at the poor creature, who began sobbing miserably.

"Poor Winky!" Dobby immediately embraced the newly freed elf.

Harry noticed the Malfoys coming to the scene, got a glint in his eye and cried "OH NO! Dobby! It's him, come save me!"

"You shall not harm Harry Potter!" commanded the little elf, holding up one hand while leaving the other around his fellow elf's shoulders.

It was Draco who was deeply surprised "Father, you told me you beheaded that beast."

"Behead Dobby!" laughed Harry, loudly and raucously "You should've seen him! Dobby there kicked dear old daddy's arse. Blasted him clear down a hallway. HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Lucius growled "Be silent you lying little brat!" But he was intimidated by the stance of his former slave.

"Me? Lying?" retorted Harry "You told your son you murdered him! Looks pretty good for someone supposedly headless for a year. Go on Draco, let's hear it…Wait'll I tell my father….*giggle*"

Surrounded by some of the elites of wizarding Britain, the Malfoy patriarch stewed "Narcissa, Draco, come. Let us away from here."

"That might not have been wise, Harry." Arthur commented.

Stepping close to him, he whispered "Have you forgot who gave Ginny that book a couple years ago?"

"I'm so glad you're both freed." Hermione told the small pair.

Winky only wailed louder. Dobby clutched her tightly "Miss Grangy not understanding. Please to go away."

"You're …right, Dobby" Harry was trying to think it through as the elves might "I order you to take your friend someplace safe and care for her. I'm going to ask my Godfather to …. Dobby will you answer his call?"

The elf nodded gratefully "Oh yes sir, Harry Potter sir! You is the bestest wizard ever!"

"Go Dobby and wait for his call." He ordered, answering Hermione's frown of disappointment with just a raised eyebrow.


	114. Ch114:M Malkin's Robes for All Occasions

[a/n]A belated Happy Easter & Happy Passover.

 **Harry Does Different Zzzzq**

Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions

"Hogwarts dear?" said the woman Hagrid pointed out to be Madam Malkins "Got another young man just fitted up now, in fact. Bear with me a tick?"

Harry nodded and started looking around at the styles "Thank you, ma'am."

"Hello." Said the blonde-haired boy currently standing on a platform being fitted "Hogwarts, too?"

Harry looked up, nodded and replied "Yes."

"Father is next door buying books and Mother is looking at wands." The boy offered, unasked. His voice drawled and he seemed bored "I'll drag them off to the racing brooms. Don't see why First Years can't have them. I'll bully Father into getting me one and smuggle it in."

Harry frowned "My cousin does things like that all the time. Been a spoiled brat all his life."

"Got your own broom yet?" asked the boy, seemingly not having heard the remark.

Harry sat on a stool near the platform "No." he replied.

"You play Quidditch?" the interrogation went on. The boy glared at Madam Malkin when she accidently stuck him in the arm with a needle "Careful peasant!"

What was Quidditch? Harry thought, he decided to play the boy's game "I do. But I'd rather not brag."

"Interesting." The boy smirked "Father says it'll be a crime if I'm not on the House team. Know what House you'll be in?"

Again, Harry was totally lost, but he had a handle on this "No. But if we end up together…well, let's just say you better hope there's more than one spot on the Team."

"Hmpf!" the blonde boy grunted, arrogantly. But he was distracted from that when a huge shadow passed the window. He couldn't help gasping "Tha'hell is that?!"

Harry smiled slightly at knowing something the boy didn't "Oh, that's Hagrid. He brought me my letter. He works at Hogwarts."

"Right. The servant." Came a dismissive reply "Why is he with you? Where are your parents?"

Harry stiffened, answering coldly "They're dead."

"Oh, sorry." Replied the boy, not sounding at all sorry "But they were our kind, weren't they?"

Harry's opinion of his new acquaintance dropped again "They were a witch and wizard if that's what you mean." He answered tonelessly, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Well that's good." The boy commented, unaware or uncaring, he might have offended "They shouldn't let the other sort in. Father and Mother say so all the time. They're just not the same, know nothing of Wizard ways. What's your name anyway?"

That prickled, raising Harry's ire "You didn't exactly introduce yourself, you know."

"That's not required in our world. Everyone knows my family." The boy retorted "Unless….are you a Mudblood?"

Harry glared back "Don't know what that is, but if it's something you're NOT, well then I'm all for it."

"Right. That has you done, young master." Madam Malkins announced, surprising both boys as she'd been silent during the whole conversation "Expect delivery by the end of the week. Next, young sir."

Harry, put off by the whole event, got on the measuring platform and couldn't help cursing "Don't know what that sod's kind is, but I don't want any part of it. What's his name?"

"A woman in my position, Mr. Potter, does not benefit from sharing customer info." She replied "I'm sure you understand. However, I wouldn't be surprised if that lad is sorted into Slytherin. His family hasn't gone anywhere else for centuries."


	115. Chapter 115:AUs Suck

[a/n]A bunch of fanfics suck victorious Harry into a world that isn't his to fight the war all over again. Here's one where he's not all that happy about it

 **Harry Does Different Zzzzr**

AUs Suck

It was a battle of raw power and will to survive. Harry Potter's glowing red stream of magic clashed with Voldemort's glowing green stream of magic. The two met in the middle and warred for dominance. A knot of annihilation pushed itself from one combatant to the other. Finally, though, the advantage remained with the younger wizard. Ultimately, the Dark Lord was engulfed in a ball of fire and killed.

"I need a nap." Harry panted, collapsed on his knees, then promptly passed out.

A familiar voice was instructing "He will, naturally, be disoriented. What is important is that he be sympathetic to our situation. From the little I was able to legilimancize, he will almost certainly bond to the two of you."

"I dislike this, Albus. I have from the start." A woman complained.

Harry was wide awake by the time they entered, and ready to go on the offensive "You must think I'm fucking stupid to think I'd believe you're my parents."

"Regardless, Harry" the man sneered "I do not tolerate cursing in my house or at my wife."

Harry snarled back "You think I give a rat's ass for you, or your slut? I've seen pictures of my parents and it looks to me you lot fucked up Polyjuice."

"I'm warning you boy!" the James lookalike snapped.

Harry gave a snarky couple of claps "Oh, goody. Vernon immitations. Can the slut do Petunia? Or maybe Bella? I've missed her dulcet tones ever since Mrs. Weasley fried her skank ass."

"A little skrewt powder will do your tongue some good." The Lily clone commented.

To which Harry shrugged "Eh… your dead lord's _crucio_ was worse. And… well well well here comes the chief fake. Sloppy indeed, you must've got hair from before Dumbledore changed his appearance in Third Year. He always pulled that white wizard thing better in First and Second."

"Perhaps we can do a better job explaining ourselves and why you are here, Harry." The Dumbledore lookalike began lecturing "And it might be best to offer complete honesty. While we are exactly who we purport to be, none of us are exactly who you think we are claiming to be."

To which, Harry laughed weakly, which degenerated into a coughing fit. After that he observed "Well, O for effort, T for practicals. He does tend to babble, but at least he did it well. What did all that bullshit mean anyway?"

"You, young Harry, are the subject of a spell we… meaning myself and several of my associates… of a spell we performed. The intent of which was to bring someone here who had defeated Lord Voldemort, in the hopes you could repeat the feat here." the long bearded one explained.

Harry absorbed that and twirled it around in his mind "So let's see if I got this? You're still fighting Voldie? And this is a different world? Is that about right?"

"Merlin be praised, the snot has a brain." James quipped.

Harry glared and told him succinctly to "Fuck off, you fake. So, what brings me here? You can just get your Harry Potter to save your pathetic asses."

"HE WAS MURDERED LAST WEEK YOU ROTTEN LITTLE BRAT!" wailed Lily.

To which Harry shrugged "Don't see how that's my problem. I have my own life on my own world. You know? The one you stole me from?"

"MY son would have done anything to help anyone in trouble." James scolded, while holding his sobbing wife

Harry shrugged "Well, you know what? I already did it once. There's no reason I need to do it again. Especially for phony people I don't even know. You lot can just unspell whatever it is you did and send me home. Hop to it * **CLAPCLAP** * I got a girlfriend to apologize to."

"I should think some time to consider your situation would be worthwhile, Harry." Said Dumbledore "James, Lily? Shall we?"

Within half an hour a worried girl rushed into the room and threw herself into the bed with him "Oh sweetheart! I'm so glad you're alive and well! When they told me you were hurt! OH BOO HOO!"

"You have GOT to be kidding me!" exclaimed Harry. He'd never exactly made friends with any Slytherin, but this was too much. He, disgustedly threw her onto the floor and screamed "NO WAY I'M INTO PARKINSON!"

Pansy choked back a sob and apologized "Oh Harry, I'm sorry I hurt you. Please just let me be near you, hold your hand."

"If you don't get out of here right now I'll _crucio_ you until you're next to Neville's parents." He threatened.

She blinked in shock and whimpered "Oh Harry!" then ran.

"Do you know how much you scared your betrothed?" a Ravenclaw with substantial glasses walked in.

Here, Harry was at a loss "Who the hell are you?"

"You wound me, Harry." He declared "We couldn't be any closer if we actually shared mothers. Vincent Douglass Goyle, resident genius at your service."

Harry burst out laughing "Oh! Come on! But damn that felt good! First time I got to this whacky world! You and Crabbe barely have a brain cell between you. Get the hell out of my sight!"

"I guarantee I'll beat the life out of you if you even think of hurting Pansy." The bigger wizard snarled.

Harry gave a sarcastic snort and said "Yeah, sure. Voldemort was just a warmup for you. Touch me and I swear I'll kill you where you stand. Never come near me again."

"I'm going to assume it's your injury talking. I'll have your apology …soon." And he stomped out.

Dumbledore dispelled his Notice-Me-Not Charm and gave a very disappointed glare "You have deeply hurt that boy. He does not even know his true best friend is dead. And, what you said to Miss Parkinson, was beyond cruel."

"You can tell them the truth, or whatever else you want, after you send me home." Harry countered with a shrug "Sending them in was a huge mistake, Albus. Both of them were nasty to me all through Hogwarts. I would've killed both of them in the Great Battle if I saw them."

The long white beard was stroked contemplatively while formulating a reply "I should remind you that neither my Miss Parkinson nor Mr. Goyle are the people you know."

"What're you going to do?" demanded Harry "Keep sending in fake people ad nauseum? Send me back where you stole me from! I miss my friends and family! Send me back or I'll go to your Voldemort for help. He's not my enemy."

This, made the ancient wizard blink in shock "You are selfish on a level I cannot even conceive of. I am most disappointed."

"You'll get over it." The youth countered callously "But, to show you I'm NOT the bastard you think I am, before sending me home, I'll want an Unbreakable Oath from you not to commit this crime against ANY other Harry Potter."


	116. Ch116:Overprotective Older Bros Cliche

**Harry Does Different Zzzzs**

Overprotective Older Brothers Cliché

Harry was enjoying a well-earned couple of days off his job as Auror. And where else would be spend it, but at Hogsmeade where his girlfriend Ginny would be arriving anytime now. His best friend and Ginny's brother, Ron, was splitting his life very productively between his Auror career and Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes. An owl summoned Harry from Grimmauld Pl. to the thriving store.

"Go on in Harry, we're not open for business yet today." George greeted him casually and to all appearances cheerily, bowed him in with a hand flourish.

The door slapped shut behind him. Causing Harry to instinctively flinch. Somehow, the store wasn't its usual cheery self. Everything seemed ominous. Harry took in the presence of most of the Weasley males. He offered casually "Morning gentlemen."

"This is strictly business, Harry." Declared Bill, stonily "Very serious business. You face the Weasley Council."

Shrugging, he retorted "I notice your Dad isn't here. Neither is Ron."

"You're playing with fire, Potter." Said Charlie "You've not been approved to romance our sister. And given your history, we see no reason to."

Percy nodded and went on accusingly "Rule breaking, malingering, philandering, we highly disapprove of such an individual being involved with our sister."

"Rule breaking? You disapprove of that, George? You owe your Hogwarts career to the Marauders." Harry ignored the middle Weasley.

The still grieving twin shook his head "That's Percy's issue. As I see it you just attract too much danger for Ginny to be around."

"Well you guys didn't do all that good a job protecting her from Riddle." Harry observed, angrily "Who was the only one of you to go with me into the Chamber of Secrets?"

The most hot-headed of them all, Charlie, pushed him "How dare you! I wasn't even in school at the time!"

"Ginny fought Voldemort—" he began, stopped himself to give a derisive snort "Still can't say the name? VOLDEMORT! What makes you lot think you're even qualified to protect Ginny?"

Bill growled "We're her brothers."

"Your point?" asked Harry, utterly unimpressed.

The oldest stood nose to nose "Our point is, as her brothers, we choose who's worthy to date out sister."

"No, let's stick to the first one." Harry shot back "I destroyed a Horcrux and killed a sixty-foot snake at twelve. In one go. Can ALL of you match that? I killed Voldemort…again! HA!... one on one. You better get a few more people if you want to scare me."

The rational voice of Percy came in "It is not about fear, Mr. Potter, it is about respect. You violated tradition."

"Oh, enlighten me, great Pureblood… have pity on this poor little Mudblood." Harry's voice dripped with sarcasm.

Percy sniffed in disgust "Anyone properly raised would know to seek permission of a young lady's family before courting her."

"Well we all know I wasn't raised by decent people, so there. Continue with this though, I find it fascinating. Since Hogwarts doesn't have a Wizarding customs course, whom EXACTLY does custom say a boyfriend should seek permission of? And, at what point in said relationship?" Harry didn't give an inch.

Percy answered unhesitatingly, with a glance at Bill "The oldest male."

"Tsk tsk, Mr. Weasley." Harry shook his head "Barely an A minus…BARELY…The correct answer is, if available, the young woman's father. YOUR approval and blessing would be nice to have, your PERMISSION is not, I repeat NOT required."

Charlie asked the rather obvious "Does that mean you have Dad's approval?"

"You know, after all this, I don't think I owe you an answer to that question, Percy. Now …George… do I go out through the open front door, or the nearest wall?" Harry was simply pissed at all of them.

The Weasleys all looked at each other and burst out laughing.

"I don't find being cornered like this all that funny." Harry growled at them as a group "Now, I'm sure Percy can quote chapter and verse on threats against an Auror. And how long the stay is in Azkaban. So, I'm leaving, I'm not going to be late for my date with my girlfriend."

When Ginny appeared she instantly knew something was amiss, after a hug and brief kiss, she wanted to know "Hard workweek? No, something else is bothering you."

"No lie there." He returned the kiss lingeringly, more than a hint of possessiveness to it "Four of your brothers decided to lecture me on the propriety of my relationship with quote Our Sister unquote."

She frowned "Oh, they did? Did they? I'll be having words with them."

"Knock yourself out." Harry allowed, with a touch of bitterness in his tone "They're your brothers."

That bothered her "Everyone's always said you're at least an honorary Weasley."

"Well I never heard Percy say so. Guess he's not the liar the rest of them are." The bitterness was stronger.

She kissed him again and promised "I will deal with my brothers. Count on it."


	117. Chapter 117:Hermione on the Veela

[a/n]A magitech inspiration

 **Harry Does Different Zzzzt**

Hermione on the Veela

Occasionally a subject is so universally agreed upon that it crosses all other divides. Even genetically programmed enemies like Ron Weasley and Draco Malfoy could sit at the same table and drool over, as they both put it in near twinspeak "The hottest thing"

RW "to walk the"

DM "Halls of Hogwarts"

RW "since Rowena"

DM "Ravenclaw herself!"

"She's a porno movie live and in person." Muggleborn Dean Thomas put in.

Ravenclaw Anthony Goldstein offered "One of my uncles married one. Dad said he's never been the same since. You think she'd kiss? I brought a hundred Galleons for Hogsmeade."

"All you kiddies wouldn't know what to do if you had her. Girl like that needs a man." Lee Jordan spun his dreadlocks about his head impressively.

Harry, from behind the twins' partner in crime, quipped "Funny, from back here, you look more like a girl to me." That brought catcalls and wolf whistles from every male in audio range. Harry shrugged off the black boy's murderous look.

"It's perfectly dreadful! All of you should be ashamed of yourselves! Can't control your hormones!" Hermione slammed her pile of books on the table, and stomped her foot, prepatory to launching into one of her lectures that even intimidated Seventh Years.

George gave his twin a look and queried "Tell me Fred, how do you make a hormone?"

"I don't know, oh smart one, how do you make a hormone?" answered Fred with a quizzical expression.

George slapped his forehead and replied "Foolish boy! Any whore would moan if you didn't pay her."

"Oh shut up! Buffoons!" she snarled at them. "I am not surprised by this type of chauvinistic behavior from you, Malfoy. But, Harry! You and Ronald! And you, Anthony Goldstein! Smartest boy in our year. I am disappointed and and AND DISGUSTED!"

Draco gave a contemptuous look and snapped "This is man talk. Beat it Granger."

"Lighten up Hermione." Ron almost whined "Just having a bit of fun."

The assembled males were mostly deeply surprised by sudden agreement between the enemies, their jaws fairly fell when Harry sounded off "A bit hypocritical on your part, don't you think, Hermione?"

"I beg your pardon?" she demanded archly. Colin Creevey would later be awarded Wilfort Prize for Photography for catching the expression on the future Minister for Magic's face.

Harry mockingly pranced with his hands on his hip and mimicked "I beg your pardon!" much to the amusement of an ever growing crowd "Two words Hermione. Lock and Hart, remember him?"

"What does that fraud have to do with you lot drooling over Fleur like a bunch of puppy dogs?" she asked, her hair now moving of its own accord. Boys were backing away from her, intimidated by the display.

Harry didn't think much of it, and waved a dismissive hand, he posed even more …well, Lockhartish would be the only adjective…and walked about "Winner of Witch Weekly's Best Smile Award, three times. Honorary member of the Dark Force Defense League. I think Professor Moody there, would've made him pee his pants. As for drooling… hey Sue! She leave any drool stains on that first quiz?"

"I heard every word you boys were saying and I don't care much for it, either." A vivacious Hufflepuff sided in with the Gryffindor girl.

That took Harry a bit off guard, but Draco smoothly filled in "Ahh, yes…Bones…five points to Hufflepuff, you only got two wrong on that quiz. I seem to remember you drooling, too. Millie there was treasurer of his fan club here."

"Stuff it Draco!" exclaimed the redhead, her cheeks tinged to match.

Harry chuckled and looked back at his friend "So, Hermione? What's the theory? Is Lockhart a male veela? Did you get all excited over his perfect hair?"

"Yeah Granger" said Fred.

George continued "did you get that tingly sensation between your legs?"

"OOOO! You're both repugnant!" she pushed them both when they kissed her cheeks simultaneously.

Harry shifted his voice up an octave and swatted the Slytherin on the shoulder and complained "Oh Drake don't you think it just awful the way those sexist girls all fawn over that floozy of a Gilderoy."

"Like he's Merlin's gift to humanity." Draco swatted him back "The Headmaster simply cannot let him continue to flaunt himself like this."

Hermione just glared at him, full of indignation, and finally stomped her foot, shouted "THIS IS UTTERLY, COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!"

"How?" asked Harry concluding the conversation with an eloquent monosyllable.


	118. Chapter 118:Krummy Competition

**Harry Does Different Zzzzu**

Krummy Competition

"How the bloody hell am I supposed to beat a veela, an international Quidditch star and one of the top students in Hogwarts?" Harry Potter was sitting in library and complaining.

Hannah Abbott really deserved to be in Slytherin. All that led her to Hufflepuff was her psychotic devotion to Susan Bones. She spotted the Boy-Who-Lived lamenting his fate and waved him to a corner for privacy. "The way, Harry, to win a competition is to get rid of the competition." She told him, then told her remarkably simple idea.

"Shouldn't you be on Diggory's side? Why are you helping me get rid of Viktor?" he wanted to know.

The blonde gave her most charming, innocent smile and replied "Given my scheme, you are the logical one to get rid of Krum. Rest assured, an idea to eliminate you will present itself. Just as one will for that French twat. Good luck, Harry."

A shiver ran down Harry's spine, but he put the scheme into operation with a simple letter and a visit to his avian friend.

 _IAN AND MICHELLE GRANGER_

 _GRANGER DENTISTRY_

 _Dear Doctors Granger_

 _I'm very concerned about Hermione. You see, this year the school is hosting the TriWizard Tournament. It's a competition that's so dangerous they've reserved it for adult students only. Well, except for me, that is. Anyway about Hermione, the other schools arrived last month, and ever since she seems to have attracted the attention of the competitor from Durmstrang Institute. He hasn't said anything to her, that I know of. He just follows her around, constantly staring. I've seen him outside a couple of our classes. And, rumor has it he's not real smart, but his favorite haunt has been Hogwarts' library._

 _I'm enclosing a picture of the man I'm talking about. I think you'll see my point. His beard would scratch Hermione pretty well, if he kissed her. Assuming he hasn't already, that is. Please keep my name out of it, I really don't want her mad at me._

 _In concern_

 _Harry Potter_

 _Ps. Hedwig knows to stay with you. I suggest a letter to Arthur Weasley, whom you've met, at The Burrow. He'll be happy to walk you through to the Ministry of Magic._

This brought rapid, and public, action. An iron hard version of Susan Bones appeared in the company of a pair of very oddly dressed people. This, meant in the sense of for Hogwarts. Purebloods would largely be unfamiliar with their particular manner of dress, though they might have seen it in Kings' Cross. Voices of a pair of students quickly identified the new arrivals, they were Susan "Auntie!" and Hermione "Mum? Dad?"

"This place is most remarkable." Michelle Granger stroked her daughter's neck, affectionately "I can understand why you so eagerly board that train every September. We'll discuss that later, for now, we have a serious matter to contend with. And possibly a bit of a grounding for you."

Ian Granger nodded "Withholding information is the same as lying, my dear. Headmaster Dumbledore, we have a definite problem with that man." He pointed directly at Viktor Krum.

"You Muggle filth!" snapped an angry Headmaster Karkaroff "Albus, cast this lowly thing out."

Madam Bones gave a cold look and countered "You do a poor job of controlling your students, Headmaster. But I should perhaps expect no less from a Death Eater."

"Come, Amelia." Said Dumbledore "Igor was forgiven by the council."

She waved it away "Leave us not discuss ancient history. These parents of your student, Albus, are here with concerns…very serious concerns…over the safety and wellbeing of their daughter. And I…with a girl of my own here… understand their perspective. The Grangers were advised quite wisely, as Head of Department of Magical Law Enforcement, I am obligated to enforce this court order. Viktor Krum is hereby ordered to maintain a distance of not less than one hundred yards from Hermione Granger, at all times."

"That is all well and good, Amelia." Said Dumbledore "I think Mr. Krum has certain rights regarding such allegations leading to this order. Further, there is the matter of the TriWizard Tournament, which mandates Mr. Krum's presence."

Madam Bones all but smiled, it was not a pleasant expression and extended a scroll "Albus, this order is not interested in sporting events. And as Miss Granger is a pupil here, whereas Mr. Krum is not, the matter is simple. We should also point out Hogsmeade as a source of difficulty. Mr. Krum should be prohibited there as well, at least on the weekend. As for Mr. Krum's rights, a grown man has no rights, particularly in relation to inappropriate advances toward a child."

"Mummmmmm!" whined Hermione at the accusation "That is patently ab-SURD! Viktor has never-"

Ron interrupted "Dunno 'bout tha' Mione. How come he's always in the library? Bloody creepy if you ask me. Don't you think Harry?"

"Can't really say, Ron." He answered, noncommittally, pushing his glasses up his nose. "But, Hermione, I'm sure your parents only want what's best for you. I wish I had parents to look out for me."

Hannah Abbott watched the whole scene unfold with growing delight.


	119. Chapter 119:Curse of the Traveler

[a/n]I'm now reading a collection of stories by Dunuelos. This is just my take on Harry's first couple of intrusions on the timeline.

 **Harry Does Different Zzzzv**

Curse of the Traveler

"Who are you?" a young voice demanded with an imperious tone.

Harry looked down and blinked in surprise. He knew that face. He told the boy "I suspect you are Abraxas Malfoy."

"Of course I am!" he countered "That still doesn't identify you."

Harry shrugged "No. it does not. I am a Potter, I believe you can see the relationship well enough. I'm a little lost and would ask you a couple questions, if you please. Where am I, I mean where in the castle? And when? What is the date?"

"You're an odd sort, Potter." Said Abraxas "Alright. It's June 13, 1943 and you are on the sixth floor. Near Professor Libby's Muggle Studies classroom. I think I should report you to Headmaster Dippet."

Harry already had his wand trained on the boy "Sorry, Mr. Malfoy, I can't allow that. _Obliviate_!" And he caught the boy, letting him slide to the stone floor. Then made his way to the third floor, and the girls' loo located there. To, ultimately, secreting himself in a stall.

"Stupid rotten Olive Hornby! Serve her right if I hexed her stupid!" one stall was locked, she punched the door, started crying and slammed the door next to it open. She slapped the toilet seat down, slumped on the top and pounded her fists on her thighs.

Harry listened to the heartbreaking pitiful wails and sobs of the girl who was so soon to become a murder victim. He'd been working himself up to trying to talk Tom Riddle out of becoming Voldemort. But the more he listened to a 14-year old girl cry, the more he decided on a different course. He drew his wand, clutched it tightly and waited for what eventually happened.

~Open~ came a hissing. In came the heavy footfalls of an almost fully grown teenager. ~Kill all Mudbloods~

Myrtle stopped sobbing, turning angry at the male invasion of this female sanctuary. She was about to open her stall, but another male voice cast a spell and she was trapped. "Let me out!" she cried, yanking on the door.

" _Frigia_!" Harry cast, softly on the stall, a ball of ice fused the locking parts together "Believe me Myrtle, it's for your own protection. Get away from the entrance. Turn around and slowly throw your wand."

Tom complied to the point of looking at his sudden opponent. He clenched his fist around his wand "Who are you to interfere with me?"

"Someone who knows all about Voldemort." Answered Harry, emotionlessly "You can't be allowed to continue."

The teen's arrogant sneer faltered, though he maintained his tone "Mudbloods must be purged. What?! A spy! _Avada Kedavra!"_

"Run Myrtle! _Depulso_! _Avada Kedavra!"_ a bit of trash exploded as it intercepted the Killing Curse, saving Myrtle's life. There was no such protection for Tom. He had just enough time to gasp before the green glow of Harry's own spell snuffed out his life.

Barely had the lifeless body of Tom Riddle settled on the floor, when Armando Dippet and Albus Dumbledore arrived on the scene. The oldest man ever to have served as Headmaster saw the murderer of a beloved pupil and lashed out. The spell isn't recorded and the body of Tom Riddle's assailant was never found.

abcij

"Where am I now?" wondered Harry as he looked around.

And a small blonde girl approached him "I greet you, Traveler. My mother tells me you have journeyed far. We welcome you and offer you hospitality."

"That would be appreciated, child, but how do you know you can trust me? These are unsettled times in our world." Harry, of course, now knew where he was and with whom.

The door of The Rookery opened and a woman whose skin was porcelain in quality greeted him "Hello, my name is Pandora Lovegood, you've met my daughter, Luna. Come, have a meal with us."

"Thank you Mrs. Lovegood." He bowed his way in "That would be greatly appreciated. I don't need much, bread, fruit, or cheese. I cautioned your daughter and I repeat to you, our world is not kind to those who are too trusting."

Luna brought him a celery stick and a glass of pumpkin juice, answering for both Lovegoods "Perhaps so, sir, however you are not of our world. Well, not exactly at any rate. Mummy says you come from so far away, you could not possibly be a danger. In fact you are here for our benefit."

"Perhaps so." Acknowledged Harry, who couldn't help smiling at the younger version of his friend. He was now devouring a cheese sandwich "Pandora, I happen to know you are a very talented Spellcrafter. That is a noble profession, but very dangerous. I don't know today's date, however, I happen to know that on September 11, 1991 you will be working on a spell that will go horribly wrong. Forgive me for saying this in front of a child, but this is too important, you do not survive and Luna will witness it, changing her forever. Do what you can to prevent this tragedy."

Pandora was deeply surprised when the mostly eaten sandwich fell to the floor. Luna? Not so much. The youngster picked it up and said "I think the birds will enjoy it."


	120. Chapter 120:Dear Order

[a/n]SOOOOO Close! Last chapter stats read 99,992 words. Oy vey!

 **Harry Does Different Zzzzw**

Dear Order

"Did the boy send his letter?" asked lead Order fighter Alastor Moody.

Ginny gave a sarcastic eye roll and snarked "No, Hedwig flew across London for her health."

"Watch your tone, Weasley." Severus chastised her.

She blew a raspberry in his general direction and snapped "You're not my father."

"Well, let's see what young Harry has to say." Fred suggested, motioning the Snowy owl his way. She complied, he untied, unrolled and read.

 _Dear Order_

 _My Aunt's husband has threatened to strangle Hedwig. So, don't expect any more letters. Hedwig has orders not to come back to Privet Dr. so don't bother trying to send a letter. Like I've been overwhelmed by correspondence anyway. Any owl you DO send will likely be killed. I wash my hands of any blood of dead owls. The person who sends the letter is the only one responsible. You have been warned._

 _Love_

 _The-Boy-Who-Hates-All-You-Lot_

"This is awful!" Remus choked back a sob "Sirius has been dead only a couple of weeks! How do you expect him to mourn in such an environment."

Severus gave a disgusted snort "Stupid werewolf! Pandering to the foolish mewlings of that attention seeking brat."

"Harry is so completely the opposite of the way you talk about him! What even makes you a professor? You're a right foul…nasty…rude…slimy—" Ginny ranted until she threw up her hands and just screeched.

Mrs. Weasley was drawing her lecture forefinger prepatory to chastising her daughter's disrespect when the Potion Master's temper snapped. He yanked a fistful of the girl's hair, pulling her against him and snarled "You are going to have the worst experiences in your life come September."

"You'll let go of my daughter, or your brain will be on the kitchen wall." Mr. Weasley's wand was on the back of Severus' head and his voice, the like of which his children had never heard.

Dumbledore intervened with steel in his voice "Arthur, you will unhand Severus, immediately. I will not have violence in this house."

"This was Sirius' house and I frankly think he would endorse violence in defense of a child." Remus pointed out "He'd only view the fact Snivilus was the target as a bonus."

That, despite a squealed protest from Hermione, spurred the Weasley boys to throw themselves at the man attacking their sister. Who disappeared under an avalanche of red. And was soon peppered with punches and kicks. When it was over, a panting, bruised and cut Snape sagged against a wall and declared "The moment you set foot in Hogwarts I will make it my sole mission to make your lives a living hell."

"And I will spend every waking second before the Hogwarts Board demanding your termination!" was Arthur's heated response.


	121. Chapter 121:Hagrid's Lament

[a/n]Not for Hagridphiles

 **Harry Does Different Zzzzx**

Hagrid's Lament

The groundskeeper, and recently appointed Care of Magical Creatures Professor, smiled over his good fortune. "Great man, Dumbledore, great man."

"I don't think all that much of him. Especially lately." A particularly bitter Harry Potter grumbled.

Giving a cross look, the huge bearded man scolded "He got me outta prison, and tected me when they 'pelled me!"

"Eh…he keeps Snape around." Complained Harry.

Hagrid was angered by that, mostly because he at least partly agreed "It's not my place to question the 'eadmaster on tha' or your'n!"

"He doesn't take points from you for breathing too loud." Countered Harry. "I'm still waiting for Dumbledore to do something about that."

Glaring down at him, the half-giant roared "If IT WASN'T FOR DUMBLEDORE YOU'D'VE DIED IN YER PARENTS' HOUSE! I TOOK YE TO PRIVET MESELF!" What few people weren't watching now did, out of sheer self-preservation, no one had ever seen him mad before.

"So, didn't even know my name wasn't Freak until I started school. Used like a House-Elf until I started Hogwarts." Harry was deeply embarrassed by baring his worst suffering among his peers, but he was just as angry "SO THANKS FOR THAT YA GREAT OAF!"

"NO ONE CALLS ME THA!" he grabbed the boy by shirt-front and yanked him up to his face.

Harry just glared back and hissed "Fuck you!"

abcij

"I can't believe you said that!" Hermione exclaimed.

Harry groaned, barely even able to see yet "The bloody hell happened? Wait, I'm in bed."

"Happens when you're slammed into a stone wall, mate." Offered Ron.

Hermione had her arms crossed over her chest "You really upset Hagrid. Are you sane enough to apologize properly?"

"After he threw me into a wall?" asked Harry, voice full of disbelief "I want the fucking fat oaf fired."

She ran out in tears, Ron looked at him in shock.


	122. Chapter 122:Dudley's Tail

[a/n]Slytherin66 suggested something along these lines … way back in Ch#1, plus Katzztar's Ch#121

 **Harry Does Different Zzzzy**

Dudley's Tail

Harry Potter was remarkably happy for a boy who'd killed someone. But then, Headmaster Dumbledore had explained that in actuality Voldemort killed Professor Quirrell long ago. Harry did have two very good friends as a result of their adventures and that was good enough for any boy, especially one who just gained himself two awesome friends. "Bye Ron, bye Hermione." He told his best friends.

Ron met up with his family on Platform 9¾, Hermione followed Harry through the pillar to Kings' Cross. She gave a quick wave when she spotted her parents and vanished into the throng.

Harry was less fortunate in that Uncle Vernon was no where in the waiting area. He shrugged and pushed his way out of the terminal itself. Out in the parking lot, it wasn't hard to spot his overweight uncle bouncing on his toes impatiently at the open trunk of his status symbol BMW. Once there he offered the obligatory "Thank you for picking me up, sir."

"Well. About time you made an appearance." The corpulent man complained "I don't want any of your freak stuff in the car. If it doesn't fit in the trunk, it can stay here. Well? Get to it boy. And if you scratch my bumper, I'll take it out of your ruddy hide."

"Yes, sir." Muttered Harry. He knew better than to expect help. He managed, in stages, to get his school stuff into the car. Then headed for the backseat.

Vernon snarled "That bloody pigeon is NOT riding in my car. Stick it in the trunk with the rest of the luggage!"

"But Uncle you can't do that! She could die!" protested Harry.

Vernon snorted cruelly "So what? I didn't buy it for you. Ungrateful wretch."

Harry, instead, opened the cage and shooed Hedwig out "Fly! You can always find me. Right girl?"

The snowy owl cawed and nodded, flying just out of his uncle's reach.

"You're going to pay for that, boy. Among other things." Warned Vernon. He bullied Harry into the backseat, pushed the door shut, got in himself and ordered "Now, not a bloody word out of you all the way home."

Harry got in the car's backseat, buckled himself in and watched the scenery go by. He wasn't the least bit bothered by his uncle's instruction to be silent. One, it wasn't anything he'd never heard before and second, he had nothing to say to the man, anyway. Uncle Vernon eased into the exit lane, got off the highway and a few turns brought them to Wisteria Ln. and a last quick turn onto Privet Dr. After his uncle lumbered out of hearing range Harry muttered "Back home to the shit."

"Well, get your freak garbage out of my car!" ordered Vernon "And you can expect I'll check it for scratches. You're in Dudley's second bedroom and count yourself lucky I'm so generous. Put everything except your NORMAL clothes in the cupboard and lock it. Once you're finished that, you'll start pulling your weight again by making dinner."

Harry gave a sullen grunt and began complying. He managed his school trunk and Hedwig's empty cage. Naturally, he didn't lock the cupboard. Then took over the job of cooking from Aunt Petunia. As was routine, he was expected to serve his relatives before setting a plate for himself. Ham and cabbage was a simple, but tasty, meal. Conversation was carried on without his participation.

"Excellent meal, Petunia." Vernon offered with a grin to his wife, then turned an angry growl on his nephew "And now for you, Potter. You have been taking up space in this house for a decade and given nothing back."

Harry cut in "Except cook and clean and do the laundry and gardening."

"You'll only speak when given leave, Freak." Vernon snapped back "Now, I have been tolerant of your drain on our finances. What that giant of yours did was a positive outrage! I thought of the sheer fun it would be to just beat it out of your freak hide, and I may yet. But the surgery to remove that tail from my boy cost £57,500 out of pocket. Had the nerve to yammer about how it wasn't medically necessary! RUBBISH! So, starting tomorrow, you're up at 6 to get your regular chores done here, then by 10, I'm renting you out to the neighbors for whatever they need all summer."


	123. Chapter 123:Unexpected Girl Harri

**[a/n0]** When I started this bit of assorted 1shots I lettered them to keep them in sequence in Explorer. Never thought I'd go 5 times around the alphabet.

 **[a/n]** Often to be found in fanfic is girlHarry. Assorted reactions of characters thru the unpopular Potions Master.

 **Harry Does Different ZzzzZ**

Unexpected Girl Harri

"Good luck, Harry Potter." The Leader of the Light gave the Savior of the Wizarding World his blessing as he left a note in the basket on a chilly November morning. He promptly disapparated from Privet Dr.

Not quite ten years later, in a small cabin, on a small islet, in the middle of a storm and just as the clock struck midnight on July 31, 1991 the door was ripped off its hinges. In stomped a giant and at the first boy he saw "Ye're a bit bigger than I expected, Harry."

"I'm not Harry!" the huge 11 year old boy ran and cowered in a corner.

A far smaller than average girl with hazel eyes and long flowing red hear appeared and responded "Actually, I am."

"What kind of mockery IS THIS?!" demanded the giant in an ever increasingly loud protest.

Left alone by her cowering relatives to face the angry man, and not that she wasn't terrified, the girl just shrugged unconcernedly "No mockery, just me Harriet…though I sometimes get Harry, pretty much all the same to me. I expect you're here about the letters Uncle Vernon kept burning."

"Ya a natural Legilimens?" the giant scratched his beard.

To which, the girl shrugged "Dunno what that means. But you got one in your hand and it's addressed to Harry James Potter. That's just the boy version of Harriet Jamie Potter, which is me. Though this lot called me Freak til I started primary school."

"Well, I wasn't expecting this. 'Fessor Dumbledore tole me ta get this to Harry, not Harriet. An after yer parents were killed I brought a boy to Privet, not a girl. I dunno 'bout this." The giant's fury abated into confusion. "Sorry if I scared ya before."

To this, the girl shrugged "No point being scared. I couldn't stop you any more than I could Vernon or Petunia. Are you planning to hurt me?"

"Course not!" the accusation distressed the giant. He presented the envelope with a flourish "Well, I was all set to tell HARRY how he was a wizard. But 'pparently I'm a telling ya yer a witch."

Abcij

Walking into the imposing bank was a scary affair for the young witch. These creatures didn't even look scared at the presence of Hagrid, and they were smaller than her. "What are these things?"

"Goblins, Harri" answered the giant "Mean as can be, but the only ones wizards trust with their gold. Harri Potter would like to make a withdrawal. And I have a letter from 'Fessor Dumbledore about you-know-what regarding you-know-which."

The teller glared down at the small girl with long red hair and snarled "Since when is Mister Harry Potter a girl?"

"All my life you little twit!" she snapped, offence overwhelming fear.

The teller left his counter, waddled around, looked the girl up and down then turned to the giant "Hangnail will take you to Vault 713. As Gringotts was expecting a wizard, Mister Harry Potter's key will not grant access to Vault 687. A blood heritage test will be necessary to authorize a key for Miss Harriet Potter. Come!"

"Can you tell me WHY everyone expects a boy? I'm not now…and NEVER have been a boy." Harriet was highly angry but equally curious. She followed what, to her, was a mean looking midget slightly shorter than herself. Alone in a room, she jumped back when he drew a wicked looking knife.

Griphook smirked at the girl and turned the handle to her, offering the weapon and a bowl "Use the tip to prick your finger, allow three drops to fall into the bowl. It and magic will do the rest."

"Yes, sir." She agreed and complied. The blood she dropped seemed to boil and moved around, then transfigured into a gold key marked with the number 687.

The goblin grinned and nodded "Well that verifies your claim. You are indeed the child of James and Lily Potter. It also answers your question, let me explain. Gringotts recorded the birth of Harry James Potter to James and Lily Potter on July 31, 1980. Your mother gave birth to only one child and this test confirmed you are that child. There is but one magical method to cause that, you are a Metamorphamagus."

"Huh?" was the eloquently monosyllabic grunt of confusion.

"The ability to physically change one's appearance. Grow taller, for instance, or smaller, fatter or thinner. In your case, here, you happened to change sex and hair and eye color as well. Harry Potter was born with black hair and green eyes, you have red and hazel respectively. I suggest exploring those abilities. Now, let us proceed to your vaults." Griphook explained then led the young witch to the mines.

abcij

"Well bless my soul!" the creepy old man exclaimed "Harry Potter is a witch! Well, let's get you fitted."

Harriet came out of Gringotts with a wealth of information about who and what she was, and a caution to keep certain information to herself. "I am, sir." She acknowledged, briefly "I'd also like a wrist holster and wand care kit."

"A lady who knows her stuff. Excellent!" the man then proceeded through a tedious number of measurements of the girl's arm and hand. Then a dizzying array of wand tries until settling on one which responded with tremendous results "I remember every wand I've ever sold Miss Potter. The phoenix who donated your wand's core, gave another…just one…other. The one that gave you your scar. It has done great things…terrible…but great. I should imagine you will do great things.

Abcij

Harriet located platforms 9 and 10 readily enough and a large redheaded family drew her attention.

"Ginny?! What platform?" the large, loud woman shouted.

And a girl not too dissimilar from Harriet answered "Nine and three-quarters, Mummy!" she was out of breath and being half dragged.

"Excuse me…how do…i?" asked Harriet, hesitantly approaching the group.

The woman spoke kindly "Get onto the platform? Percy…Fred…George…..go on. Follow Ron, dear, best go at a bit of a run in case you're nervous."

"Harriet Potter. Nice to meet you." She said to the girl, shaking her hand "Can we write to each other? Give my owl something to do?"

The other redhead shook back and nodded politely "Sure, Harriet, I'd like that. Ginny Weasley."

"Such a polite young lady." Mrs. Weasley observed, then scratching her chin "Odd. I didn't know there would be another redhead. Must be Muggleborn, especially since she didn't know about the platform. Yet, for some reason, that girl looks oddly familiar. Did she mention her name, dear?"

To which Ginny nodded, but fingered her chin nearly copying her mother "Yes, Harriet Potter. Do you think she's related to him? I mean she doesn't have black hair or green eyes like the books?"

"That's who she reminds me of!" Mrs. Weasley exclaimed, snapping her fingers "Lily Potter! He doesn't have a sister. Cousin maybe?"

Ginny was bouncing on her toes "Oh can I go see, Mummy! Please! I wanna meet Harry!"

"You most CERTAINLY will not, Ginevra! A boy is NOT something for you to gawk at!" she chastised her daughter.

Abcij

Things, meanwhile, were happening on the Express. A redheaded boy looked into a near empty compartment and said "Oh, sorry, didn't see you. You mind? Everywhere else is full."

"Not at all." The redheaded girl replied, waving a hand at the opposite bench "Ginny's brother, right?"

The boy looked back, a little surprised, and nodded "Err… yeah….You know my sister? How? You don't look familiar. I'm pretty sure we're not related. Ron Weasley."

"Hi, Ron. No, I don't think we're related. I'm Harriet Potter. I met Ginny for a moment on the platform. Nice to meet you, but please, keep control of that creature. I don't like rats." She replied, with a scrunching of her face.

Ron complied a little begrudgingly, then eyed her "Harriet…? Potter? As in Harry Potter? The Boy-Who-Lived Harry Potter? Him? The scar and all?"

"Yeah scar and all. See?" she pointed to the lightning shaped mark on her forehead with a touch of irritation.

Ron's experience with his sister told him to move on "Right. So, you know what House you'll be in?"

"Nuh-uh?" grunted Harri, "I don't know anything about Hogwarts."

Ron detailed all he knew from his brothers about Hogwarts concluding "Fred and George told me you had to wrestle a mountain troll to be Sorted."

"I hardly think that is likely. After all, as of yet, we know next to nothing about magic. Especially people like me from non-magical homes." Harri argued logically.

Ron grunted in annoyance "My brothers were having me on. *snort* Figures."

"Has anyone seen a toad? A boy named Neville has lost one!" a bushy-haired girl exuding authority burst in and demanded "Oh? Are you doing magic? Let's see then."

Ron coughed, waved his wand over his pet and intoned "Sunshine daisies, butter mellow, turn this stupid fat rat yellow." Nothing much happened other than a brief flash of light causing Scabbers to squeal.

"Well! That's not a very good spell is it?" the girl exclaimed with an amused snort. She sat across from the red-haired girl "I've only tried simple spells, but they've all worked for me. "For example _Occulus Reparem_!"

A flash, a fizzle from the glasses and finally a pop, Harriet's glasses now fit properly and matched her nearsightedness perfectly "Well, thanks for that." She said "Though, I'd appreciate not pointing your wand AT me in future, unless first ASKING permission."

"I'm Hermione Granger, I can see your point. Is it common to make yourself up as The-Boy-Who-Lived in the Wizarding World? I read all about him: black hair and green eyes, with exactly that scar over his eyes. I'm Muggleborn so I only know what I was able to read so far." The girl orated.

Ron shrugged a little helplessly and made an effort to eye both girls at once. Harriet sighed "I suppose I'm going through this with everyone. If there ever was a Boy-Who-Lived, he didn't live. There's only me Harriet Jamie Potter, only begotten daughter of James and Lily Potter."

"Well, that's impossible!" declared Hermione in no uncertain terms, her voice up an octave "Every author I've read from Simon Grover to JK Rowling says Harry Potter is The-Boy-Who-Lived! That he killed Voldemort!"

Ron hissed and protectively cuddled his pet "DON'T use the name! Bloody stupid girl!"

"Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself!" Hermione quoted, glaring at the boy.

Harriet, on the other hand, was glaring at Hermione. She crossed her arms over her chest and growled "Well! Simon Grover and JK Rowling are gormless gits who know nothing! Why should everyone believe them? Were they there? Did they see it that night?"

"Dad knows all about Muggles." Ron commented carelessly "Looks like Muggles don't know much about us."

Harriet countered "Witches and wizards know less than nothing about Harriet Potter."

"I don't think you should be badmouthing famous authors." Hermione's tone was icy.

The-Girl-Who-Was-The-Boy-Who-Lived got up and poked the bushy-haired girl's chest and sneered "You wanna tell me who knows more about MY life than me?"

"I heard Harry Potter was on the train. He here?" the compartment door burst open and a blonde boy demanded.

Harriet looked away from her current irritant to the new one and snapped "What makes him so special everyone's looking for him? And who are you? Coming in here making demands?"

"Malfoy. Draco Malfoy." The blonde identified himself.

Ron snorted in amusement.

Eyes flashing, Draco snapped "Think my name's funny, do you? No need to ask yours. Rags, red hair. You must be a Weasley. Father told me all about your lot. More kids than you could afford. Can't even buy proper clothes."

"I'll take Ron over ten of you." Harriet butted in and gestured dismissively "You can see, no Harry Potter here, so why don't you….ahhh…well, what I almost said wouldn't be ladylike."

At this Ron guffawed, Hermione's jaw went slack.

Abcij

"First Years follow me! First Years follow me!" a giant voice boomed.

Harriet ran up to him, shocking all her little classmates, and hugged a leg "Hiya Hagrid."

"Err…right" he was a little flustered "Into the boats with you! Four to a boat only! Hurry up!"

She looked around, caught sight of another redheaded girl getting into a boat behind a freckle-faced boy. Running and jumping in beside her, she introduced herself "Harriet Potter" and extended a hand.

"Susan Bones." the other redhead smiled and shook, then gave a curious head tilt "Any relation to Harry Potter?"

Harriet gave a grudging nod "In a manner of speaking. Can't say how or why, but whoever you were told The-Boy-Who-Lived was, he's me. I don't ever remember being a boy and I don't have boy equipment."

"That's certainly against everything we've ever been taught. But then, Auntie says we live in a world where the obvious isn't always true. Maybe we can chat more?" Susan was friendly enough.

Harriet gave the other redhead a pleased grin "That has to be the nicest anyone has been to me since I got my Hogwarts letter. Thank you."

Abcij

The Sorting began and was soon in earnest Susan Bones followed Hannah Abbott into Hufflepuff. Later, blonde Draco Malfoy who made a distinct impression was Sorted into Slytherin. As the pool of First Years shrunk a girl with an unpleasant demeanor ended up next to Harriet and was called just before her. Pansy Parkinson all but enthroned herself next to Draco in Slytherin.

"Harry Potter!" the stiff Deputy Headmistress called out.

The redhead, with glasses, and a lightning bolt scar stepped forward. Taking in the looks of the adults, which ranged from surprise and disbelief to outright hostility, she sighed and approached the stool "Yes, I am the daughter of James and Lily Potter. I can't help if that isn't what you wanted. Please correct my records to read Harriet Jamie Potter. That's H-A-R-R-I-E-T J-A-M-I-E P-O-T-T-E-R."

"What nonsense is this?" a black-garbbed, sallow-faced man growled.

Professor McGonagall coughed and instructed "Come up then. We will see what the Sorting Hat makes of you."

"Something unexpected." A crotchety voice spoke into the girl's brain "I imagine a lot of people aren't going to like that. Magicals of this time aren't fond of surprises. Where shall I put you?"

Harriet thought back "You put that twit Draco Malfoy in Slytherin. I want NOTHING to do with him. I'd like-"

"Better be GRYFFINDOR!" the Hat bellowed, interrupting the girl's train of thought.

Harriet sighed "I was sorta hoping to be with Susan in Hufflepuff. She was nice to me." Then, put on a smile to meet her new housemates.

Abcij

"Harri! Good to see you again!" the Hufflepuff reached around Ron and poked her in the shoulder "How was Gryffindor last night?"

The Girl-Who-Lived gushed at the other redhead. The way she said the name, she was saying HARRI and not HARRY. She admitted "Not great. Most of my roommates expected The-Boy-Who-Lived to marry them and sweep them out of obscurity to fame and fortune. Parvati Patil and Lavender Brown are the worst. You don't seem to mind, you're-"

**BANG!**SLAM!** "There will be no silly incantations or ridiculous wand waving in this class!" the tall, angry, black-garbed professor Harriet remembered from the Welcoming Feast burst into the room, then went on orating "As such, I do not expect many of you to appreciate the subtle science and exact art that is Potion making. But for those select few." He paused to favor the blonde-haired boy she disliked "I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory and even put a stopper in death itself."

Harriet was busily writing verbatum what the known angry professor was saying. So busy, in fact that it wasn't until Hermione Granger nudged her was she aware of having attracted unwanted attention. She first snapped at her fellow Gryffindor "What?" then looking up "Oh?"

"Oh, indeed." Professor Snape sneered "Perhaps some of you have come to this class in possession of abilities so formidable you need not pay at-tent-ion."

The girl coughed nervously, but argued "With all due respect, Professor Snape, I was writing exactly what you said. Word for word, sir. See?" And turned her roll of parchment around.

"Five points for arguing with a professor." Snape ruled with a growl "Idiot girl. Tell me, Potter! What would I get if added asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?"

Harriet blinked at all the unfamiliar terms. As soon as she returned from shopping with Hagrid, Uncle Vernon locked her supplies in her former bedroom [that is the Cupboard Under the Stairs] And she had not been allowed since. She sighed "I don't know, sir."

"Too bad." The professor snarled "Tell me, where would you look if I told you to locate a beazor?"

Harriet's red locks bounced as she shook her head futilely.

"How about this, Potter? Tell me the difference between Monkshood and Wolfsbane." He demanded, now looming over the small girl.

Harriet gulped up at him and answered meekly "I don't know, sir."

"Pity. Clearly fame isn't everything." There was a victorious smirk on the man's face.

Harriet was sufficiently irritated not to care "Seems a pity not to call on Hermione. She has her hand up."

"A beazor, for your information Potter, is a cure for most poisons. It is most commonly grown in the stomach of a goat. Asphodel mixed correctly with wormwood will create a potion so potent it is called the Draught of Living Death. Finally, Monkshood and Wolfsbane are in fact the same plant. Muggles call it aconite. Well! Why are you not all copying this down?" the Potions Professor expostulated at length. He straightened up and stalked to his desk before announcing "Gryffindors also note, five points will be taken for your classmate's cheek."

Abcij

Nothing more happened for a few days as Harriet went studiously about her classes. She also asked pointed questions of older students. Finally she tapped on her Head of House's office door and was admitted "Enter! What can I do for you, Miss Potter?"

"I have a complaint against Professor Snape, ma'am." She began, a little timidly but confidently.

The stern professor frowned but allowed "What is on your mind, child?"

"Ma'am, I am certain that Professor Snape has a grudge against me—" she began

McGonagall's frown deepened and she interrupted "Miss Potter, Hogwarts Professors do not have grudges against students. You are all children under our care and our job is to educate you, equally and fairly."

"Ma'am, I KNOW when a teacher doesn't like me." The girl said, forcibly. She hadn't been able to call up the nerve to interrupt her Head of House, but she didn't hesitate in arguing her case "I don't know why Professor Snape might hate me, but I assure you he does. Now, may I make my case to you? Or do I make an appointment with the Headmaster?"

The senior witch's face went utterly still with shock "Very well. Speak."

"I was asked three questions about Potions that are impossible for a First Year to know. Fred and George Weasley knew what a beazor was from their brother Percy's Potion book. Percy is a Fourth Year. You know Robert Hilliard? Head Boy? Ravenclaw? He found Draught of Living Death about halfway through HIS Potions book." Harriet spoke at length, but concisely, paused and handed her a scroll.

McGonagall examined it with an analytical eye and asked "This is?"

"Professor Snape took points from Gryffindor for me not knowing answers to his questions." Answered Harriet "Those questions. He also took points for my cheek as he called it. He accused me of not paying attention, but all I did was show him the notes I was taking which are EXACTLY what he said …well, before he started in on me about being a celebrity."

An arched eyebrow considered the girl "You ARE a celebrity, Miss Potter. Not a single person in the world does not know your name. You should be aware of that."

"That gives a professor at right to call me an 'idiot girl'? Nobody seems to understand my point of view, ma'am. First you all expected a boy. Well, I'm not. And second, all my _celebrity_ has got me so far is dead parents and magic hating relatives. Who wants that!" and she sniffed back a tear.

This, the Head of Gryffindor recognized, wasn't a cry for comforting but one of anger "Miss Potter, I cannot speak for anyone else, but your mere arrival caused me to do some thinking. I still am. What may come of what you've told me, I cannot say. I will pursue it with due diligence. Dismissed."


	124. Ch124:Overprotective Older Bros Cliche

**[a/n]** Sakura Lisel had some concerns about Dudley's Tail. So, let's see, the surgical cost. I did just invent a figure. But consider, surgeon, surgical team, anesthesia, OR costs and supplies. Then there's bureaucracy, it'd be easy to see an insurance company not paying for what they determine isn't a necessary operation. And once it's diagnosed a non-cancerous growth, the bureaucrat can easily rule it an elective surgery.

 **[a/n0]** Same villains. Different reaction. Might be sequel worthy?

 **Harry Does Different ZzzzZa**

Overprotective Older Brothers Cliché 2

It was some weeks after the great Battle of Hogwarts. Wizarding Britain was still trying to get itself restarted. The Ministry of Magic was in turmoil figuring out who was on whose side. The-Boy-Who-Lived mostly dropped into seclusion, only occasionally venturing out, most of the time in the company of a redhead. Occasionally male, mostly female.

Of course this led to speculations, rumors, and articles. _Witch Weekly_ 's article Most Eligible Bachelor Not Available only made the situation worse. Living with her family, well, that was just unforgivable. And although Ginny herself laughed the whole scandal off as a case of mass jealousy, her brothers were most unhappy with what was being said about their poor ickle sister.

"Let's go Potter! On your feet!" a harsh voice commanded.

Harry jolted awake. The bedroom was barely lit, his chest was slapped half a dozen times, the cover sheet which was barely necessary in midsummer was torn off his body. He cursed "Tha'bloody hell!"

"You're dressed enough! Slippers will do, we're taking a walk!" evidently Charlie Weasley had decided to pay his family a visit in the aftermath of the war. The second son of the clan bullied The-Boy-Who-Lived down the stairs, through the kitchen and out the door.

Harry wore a pair of jean shorts that were only half zipped, no shirt. Once he got his bearings he was in the Burrow's yard by the large tree he enjoyed sitting under with Ginny. He was facing six highly sullen looking redheaded males "What's your soddin problem!" he yelled.

"You've seen the papers, Potter." Charlie was the first to speak.

He replied "I can't control what people print. Least of all Skeeter."

"Not good enough, Harry." Ron complained "They're dragging Ginny's name through hippogriff shit. All you do is say 'no comment' well that just makes Ginny look like a scarlet woman."

Harry gave his best friend an ugly look and retorted "As opposed to your great defense of Hermione's reputation, mate? You didn't say much in your Quidditch interview. What was it that reporter called Hermione? You know? Your future wife?"

"Don't change the subject, Harry!" commanded George, pushing on his shoulder.

He dodged a second push forcing the surviving twin into the tree and sneering "Clumsy. You think you lot are much protection?"

"I'd watch it, Potter, there are six of us." Bill pointed out.

Harry laughed, completely unimpressed and unafraid "How many of you killed Voldemort?" then he turned an angry snarl on the middle brother "What's on your alleged brain?"

"I was more inclined to neutrality about this whole situation, though I do see where my brothers are coming from." Percy offered, coldly.

Harry snorted in disgust "Well, that brings the family traitor back into their good graces don't it? That your opinion, too, _mate_?"

"Now Harry, don't go getting all ups-" Ron began with a conciliatory gesture.

Harry would have punched him if he was closer. As it was, he just repeated "That your opinion, too, _mate_?"

"If you're gonna be like that, _mate_ , then yeah I guess it is." Ron used the same contemptuous tone that they all just heard.

Harry butted shoulders with George, then Bill, pushing through and heading back to the house. He wasn't either subtle or quiet, especially given the early morning hour. He yanked open the kitchen door, angrily, pulling it off a hinge. His voice echoed through the Burrow "That's the way you lot want it?! You got it!"

"Don't you walk away from me, boy!" Bill stopped him, grabbed his shoulder and spun him around.

Harry didn't hold back "NEVER call me that again!" he shoved hard enough that the eldest Weasley fell into two chairs and subsequently to the floor, breaking one chair leg and the back of the other chair. Harry ignored the brothers' protests and took the steps up to Ron's room three at a time.

"What exactly is all this shouting and banging!?" the master bedroom door burst open and a sleep rumpled Mr. Weasley followed the trail of young men past his room to the fifth floor and demanded "Well? Explain yourselves! Do you realize it is probably the wrong side of 4AM? I have work tomorrow! Well, in three hours."

Harry couldn't bring himself to be mad at the Head of the family, so glaring at Ron and incidentally Charlie, he replied with a forced lack of emotion "Your sons have decided I'm not good enough for their sister. I want to thank you…both of you… Mrs. Weasley for the kindness you have shown me over the years." His wand snapped from the bedside table to his hand and " _sábana cummuto averta_!"

None of the Weasleys were particularly impressed with a bedsheet becoming a suitcase. It was an easy bit of transfiguration, really. Drawers opened and their contents flowed into his luggage. Mr. Weasley was deeply surprised, but diplomatic about it "Nothing we can't talk about Harry."

"There's nothing to discuss, sir. I don't much like having been thrown out of bed and down five flights of steps in the middle of the night. In fact it right pisses me off!" his angry gaze happened to have landed on Bill just then.

Mrs. Weasley gave an almost reflexive admonishment "Don't curse Harry."

"Sorry Mrs. Weasley, I really am. But you won't need to worry about it anymore. I'll send you an owl from time to time. Goodbye." Said Harry, politely enough to the woman he thought of as a mother. He wasn't so polite with George blocking his path out the bedroom door. His wand swished and the transfigured suitcase leapt off the bed, hit him under the chin and knocked the stunned young wizard out of the room.

Ginny, a particularly heavy sleeper, finally woke to the shouting banging and finally her brother yelling as it took a fall down a few stairs before catching himself. The persistent thumping of something on the stairs finally got her up and out of her room. As she turned on the second landing, the source became apparent, she yawned up at her boyfriend "Where are you going with that suitcase, Harry?"

"Get the fuck outta my way, Ginny!" he snarled, hatefully. As he passed that last landing, his movements were so fast and violent that the suitcase ripped a couple posts out of the railing.

She was so shocked she complied wordlessly, and was silent as every member of her family raced down the steps past her. Once alert and aware again, the young witch apparated to the Burrow's kitchen where she demanded in no uncertain terms "Just what the bloody hell is going on around here?"

"Your asshole brothers have decided I'm not good enough for precious little Ginny. The Dursleys taught me to know when I'm not wanted." Harry sneered at her. He dropped his suitcase on the floor and angrily kicked it into the fireplace. As he stepped in he promised emotionlessly "I'll return your sheet presently. Can I use some Floo Powder?...#12 Grimmauld Place!"

As the green flame of Harry's departure faded silence reigned at the Burrow.


	125. Chapter 125:Potter Stinks 3

**Harry Does Different ZzzzZb**

Potter Stinks 3

Harry Potter was an angry young wizard. Very angry. First he got suckered, he knew not how, into a contest meant for much older students. Most of his own school treated him with contempt, accusing him of cheating. This was no less true in his own House. Led by and most upsetting of all his former best friend.

"You know sitting like that is not entirely safe." A female voice complained.

Harry was on the floor of the highest point of Gryffindor tower, his feet dangling between the bars of the safety barrier. He didn't bother looking around, hiding a sob with anger "Since when do you care, Granger?"

"Whatever do you mean?" it was almost like she'd been slapped.

"When was the last time you sat with me at lunch? Hounded me to study? Snatched an essay from me to go over the spelling? Or had a bloody butterbeer with me?" it took iron control to keep his voice from cracking.

She looked distressed and offered "I was trying to coax Ronald into understanding your point of view. And really, Harry, you do not tend to curse."

"You think I fucking care if I OFFend _you_?" he snarled "You picked your side in this, now get the FUCK away from me. Or I might just pitch you off this _fucking_ tower!" A nasty smile followed the witch as she fled in tears.

Abcij

Professor Snape was the target of his next round. But, he'd show them rotten Gryffs what for, too. Having a school champion in the TriWizard Tournament was obviously very good for House Point totals. 'Well, we'll see about that.' He thought.

"The Mandrake forms an essential part of most antidotes…" the Potion Master was stalking around the classroom and lecturing, making sure the dunderheads were taking down his valuable lesson. He tried, valiantly to ignore the arrogant brat with his hand in the air, but some ten minutes of talking there was little left to impart "What is it Potter? And you better not be wasting my time."

Harry melodramatically lowered his hand and rubbed at his shoulder, and commented snidely "Well, thanks to finally getting around to me. Anyway, remember that question you asked me on our first day together? I found what a beazor is in-"

"Watch your tone, Potter." Snape warned.

Student shot professor a look and went on "AS I WAS saying, before I was so RUDELY interrupted. First time I sat in this class, you humiliated me by asking me what a beazor was. Well, this textbook has that and I can answer it cures most poisons and is found in the stomach of a goat. Now, I figure you owe Gryffindor those three points back, plus four years interest. What say we round it to ten?"

"I think I'll deduct fifty from the arrogant brat disrupting my class. And to it, a week's detention." Snape sneered. [Idle curiosity: Did JKR intentionally name him this way for alliterative purposes?]

Harry only flashed a smile "You forgot to mention that …how did it go… oh yeah 'Your father was a swine, Potter' that's right, isn't –"

"That'll be another fifty points!" he snarled "And if you don't shut-your-mouth –"

Hermione tried to pull him back into his seat, hissing "Harry! You'll get in soooooooo much trouble!"

"You already cost us a hundred points!" added Ron.

Harry threatened "Touch me again and I'll feed you to Aragog. Now, back to you _Professor_ , we were talking about my father. Well you can thank Sirius for this, I believe you were dubbed Snivilus by the Marauders."

" _SILENCIO_! _INCARCEROUS_!" roared Snape as his wand came out in a flash. It struck the student most satisfyingly, making it impossible for him to utter a word and unable to get off the floor.

Abcij

Practically all the next Potions class were already in the room, Second Year Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws, and a giggly bunch they were. It probably marked the first time in Snape's career that he allowed laughing in his classroom. But, given the circumstances, it amused him. The class bell wasn't _quite_ due to ring when he pointed his wand at Harry and said " _Finite Incantatum_! Now, Potter, you're dismissed."

"I'll need a note to excuse my lateness." Demanded Harry, stopping all sound in the room. His tone was not what a student should use when addressing a professor, especially the most fearsome one.

Severus almost smiled, an unseen expression in student memory, he responded silkily "You may tell Professor McGonagall whatever you wish, Potter. Who will she believe? You? Or me? Dismissed."

Abcij

"And now we put a little Draco lessons to use." Harry whispered to himself on the way to Transfiguration class. He paused at an intersection and blasted a small corner of wall into dust. He gathered it in his hands and rubbed his eyes, which immediately teared up. He was weepy with bloodshot eyes when he pushed open the classroom door. Entering, he blubbered "P-professor S-s-snape attacked m-m-me, may-making muh-me late!"

The Deputy Headmistress took in the disheveled, crying boy in a glance and rushed over, a hand brushed his shoulder, she asked "Can you clarify that, Potter?"

"Attention seeking half-blood!" Draco hissed.

To which Harry wailed "OH! SHUT UP! BULLY!"

"Enough of that nonsense." McGonagall scolded.

In response, Harry sniffled "But he's always doing that Professor. And Snape lets him!"

"Mr. Malfoy, I believe you have an assignment to complete." She reprimanded the Slytherin "Now, explain what happened that makes you think Professor Snape attacked you."

After emitting a couple loud, wet, snorts Harry wiped his eyes on his sleeve and gave a slightly biased report "Yuh-yes m-m-ma'am. So Sn-Snape he-he … I tried t-to ask a qu-question ab-bout a p-potion,and he made muh-me wait like ten minutes. Wh-when he k-called on me, he shouted I buh-better not buh-be wasting his ta-time. I asked if it was the s-same potion he asked about in First-" He took the handkerchief she offered, blew into it, returned it all mucosy.

"You're not saying Professor Snape quizzed you on a Fourth Year potion in First Year?" she asked, dismayed, in addition to being mildly disgusted at the soiled handkerchief having been handed back.

He nodded and muttered his acknowledgement of her summary, then through more sniffles, went on "Then he insulted my father."

"No lie there if he was anything like you." Draco said, snidely.

Only letting his nemesis see a sneer, Harry sobbed again "He's just as bad! With his POTTER STINKS badges."

"Now what is this about?" demanded McGonagall.

Draco self-consciously tugged on his lapels and answered "I don't know what he means."

"Bullshit!" cursed Harry, as he surged forward. He knew exactly where the badge was hidden, after briefly wrestling with the Slytherin, he produced exactly what he planned the whole sequence of events for SUPPORT CEDRIC DIGGORY changed to POTTER STINKS.

Draco pushed him away, ultimately and exclaimed "Don't touch me Potter!"

"Mr. Malfoy, that is enough from you. I will have a list from you of who has these …things… by the end of classes today. Then I will determine how many detentions to assign and how many points to deduct." She declared.

Draco looked offended "Wait til my Father hears of this!"

"And you can start your correspondence tonight by telling him that outburst cost you twenty-five points and a week's detention." She sentenced, then turned back "Miss Granger, Mister Weasley… escort your classmate to Madam Pomfrey so she can check him for injury."

abcij

Hermione was hesitant, but solicitous "Harry? Did Professor Snape really hurt you?"

Ron was angry and resentful "Use your head, Mione! Selfish git set the whole thing up!"

"What are you babbling about Ronald?" she complained.

Harry mocked her tone "Yes, Ronald? What are you babbling about?"

"If I wasn't sure before, I am now!" exclaimed Ron triumphantly "Bugger! You set the whole thing up! Insulting Snape, just to expose those stupid pins! Did you have to cost us all those points?"

Harry gave an uncaring shrug "Why should I give rat's ass about the great House Gryffindor? I haven't got any support from you lot all this month? And since you sussed it all out, I don't really need you, feel free to piss off."

"Fine by me." Muttered Ron, he turned the corner, slapping its edge as he did so.

Hermione stepped in front of him and asked "You didn't mean all that? Did you Harry?"

"You remember, before Sorting?" he countered, coldly. After her nod he continued "I can still hear McGonagall _Your House is like your family_. Well before Gryffindor, I had the Dursleys."

She emitted a sad sigh "I'm sorry, Harry. Really. What can we do to make it up to you?"

"Well, that's a start." His anger abated some "I appreciate that. You're not responsible for anyone else's behavior, Hermione, but don't expect me to just forgive and forget when it comes to anyone else. Especially when they're not even sorry."

She wisely decided not to push her luck and simply nodded.


	126. Chapter 126:Ron's Room

**Harry Does Different ZzzzZc**

Ron's Room

The place? The Burrow, the Weasley ancestral home. Exact location? The bedroom of the youngest male in the family. The time? 4:45 in the morning. The date? August 23, 1994.

"Get UP, Harry! Ronald! WAKE UP!" Hermione burst through the door and assaulted two soundly sleeping boys. The room was charmed to automatically light when voices were active. She yanked the sheet off Harry as she walked past his bed and proceeded to slap Ron's chest "GET UP! COME ON _RONALD_!"

Ron was appalled and yanked his sheet to his neck, whined "Get out Mione!"

"Oh don't be ridiculous. Honestly! Now get up and get moving." The teenage witch was blissfully uncaring that she invaded a boy's bedroom. At least until she turned to ensure the other boy was awake. She covered her eyes and squealed in outraged modesty " _Harry James Potter_! _Cover yourself_!"

The uncovered boy did blush, violently in fact. After all it is rather embarrassing, especially when you have a case of that never-to-be-sufficiently-damned curse of boys everywhere known as 'Morning Wood' Then he realized something, tucked his hands behind his head and retorted "Well, wha'd you expect 'Mione? YOU pulled my sheet off."

"Bloody Harry! What're ya doing?" complained Ron.

Harry tugged on his underwear causing his penis to be completely exposed, standing straight up, and lied through his teeth "It's alright, Mione, I covered up."

"Well thank Merlin." She went into full lecture mode "That was totally inappropriate. Shame on you. I have half a mind to tell Mrs. Wea- EEEP!"

Ron shook his head, eyes following their witch friend as she fled. He made an effort not to look in the direction of his friend's bed, and commented "Wouldn't want to be in your shoes mate."

"HARRY POTTTTTTTTTTTTER! GET YOURSELF DOWN HEREEEEEEEEE!" Mrs. Weasley bellowed through the predawn Burrow. She was furious! That boy had a lot to answer for! Her foot was on the first step and her fist pounded repeatedly on the bannister while she waited … most impatiently. Her youngest son received a deeply hostile look as he passed, asking for breakfast. When he finally descended the last flight, she rebuked him sharply "I called you almost **six** **minutes ago** , young man!"

Giving an eyebrow quirk Fred and George instantly recognized and went on to explain in great detail "Well, you see Mrs. Weasley, first I was feeding Hedwig while waiting for Ron to finish in the loo. Then when he was done I took a bath, it was time to cut my fingernails, my toenails didn't need it. But you know how much easier it is to cut them when they're wet. Anyway, after that, washing my hair is a chore. You know how tough it is for me to get it to stay in place. That was about when I heard your call and I still had to brush my teeth."

"Enough!" Mrs. Weasley snapped angrily "I am absolutely disgusted with your shameful display with Hermione!"

Her tone set male Weasleys all acringe, even Mr. Weasley had no desire to be near his wife during this particular rant. Ginny was eyeing Harry and blushing faintly, you couldn't tell what she was thinking.

"Exposing yourself to that young girl! What were you thinking?!" she waved her finger at him like a weapon. "INDECENT EXPOSURE!"

After initially flinching, he countered "Did she happen to explain how it happened? And specifically, where?" then adding flippantly "I think I'm pretty decent down there."

"A fail to see the relevance. And don't change the subject." She scolded, harshly, ignoring the outrageous comment.

Ginny blushed furiously.

Harry remained a step up, allowing him a slight advantage he wouldn't have if standing on the same floor and replied "Oh I think it's very relevant, Mrs. Weasley. She came into RON's ROOM and yanked MY sheet off MY bed. Honestly, I feel a little cheated, after all she hasn't shown me her boobs."

"I wouldn't! I'm not that kind of a girl!" she argued, stamping her foot.

The twins hid giggles behind hands "Dunno Granger."

Fred "You were"

George "awful eager"

Fred "to volunteer."

G "So Granger"

F "does he have"

G "a big one?"

F "Curious Ginnys"

G "wanna know."

"Eeep! Oh you!" squealed Ginny before fleeing the room.

The pair were slapping each other silly.

"When you two get back you will be degnoming the lawn!" Mrs. Weasley sentenced them.

They only LOOKED chagrined. Under the table, they were gleefully kicking each other's feet.

"Well, back to the business at hand," she turned from her twins "You, Harry Potter, are fortunate we've already paid for these World Cup tickets because I could think of no more fitting punishment for this kind of outrageous behavior."

He frowned at her "Ma'am, you're not my mother."

"While you are a guest under my roof, Harry James Potter, you will obey me!" she declared.

Harry's response was utterly polite, but would nevertheless become legendary at the Burrow for generations "Oh I understand perfectly, Mrs. Weasley, as soon as the Cup is over I'll go stay at the Leaky Cauldron. Thank you for your hospitality the last couple days."

 **[a/n]**

Based on a true event in my life. I was at work and went to the bathroom to pee. A couple were in there having a shouting match. I coolly went to the urinal, ignored their argument, did my business, washed my hands and left.

A little later I got called into my boss's boss's office and was berated for exposing myself to a woman. I listened, then with a grin asked "Did she happen to mention this so-called atrocity happened in the Men's Room?"


	127. Chapter 127:Harry Luna and the Thestrals

**[a/n0]** Only one comment about my own experience. A little surprised.

 **[a/n]** Demigod-Wizard-Gatekeeper's request

 **Harry Does Different ZzzzZd**

Harry Luna and the Thestrals

"You're not insane, Harry Potter. Well, no more than me." The blonde-haired girl with protuberant eyes promised.

After almost tripping over his own feet at the totally unexpected comment, he retorted "Rumor has it I'm pretty far along. You do have the advantage of me."

"Well that would be Mummy, Daddy and the Sorting Hat's fault." She explained "You see they waited until their wedding day to have sex thereby conceiving me. And the Hat felt I would be best in Ravenclaw. I am Luna Lovegood."

Harry gaped at her for several seconds, then "Well nice to meet you. I notice you petting these …well they look like horses … but not quite. Most of the kids act like they don't exist, the few that do just run away as soon as the carriages stop. Do you know why?"

"They are called thestrals." Luna explained as she stroked the leathery creature's neck. "Only someone who has seen death can see them. They are, therefore, illogically feared. The reason being they are a sign of bad luck, however the bad luck already occurred, so there is nothing to fear."

Harry joined her, not repulsed by the thestral, cogitated "I guess it must be from my Mum. First time I remembered hearing her voice was during the Dementor incident on the train last year. Tell me, Luna, who was it for you?"

"I was nine. My Mum invented spells. Her experiment went wrong. She died most unpleasantly. I saw the whole thing." Her words were horrible, but her tone was light and singsong. She fed the thestral an apple during her narrative.

His heart broke for the girl, he looked down and offered "I'm sorry, Luna, no kid should see that."

"No more than a baby in a crib, Harry Potter." She touched his upper arm.

It was instinctive that he flinched from the contact. No one did that except Hermione and it was a rare thing. Something about it, however, made him warm inside. He reached across and took the hand, saying "I think you're very nice."

"You have suffered much, haven't you? Even besides Voldemort's attack on your family?" they were phrased like questions.

Harry looked away, but found his hand was trapped by a surprisingly strong grip "I don't like to talk about that." He growled.

"Then we won't. At least not until the wrackspurt infestation about you disperses. Not to worry, it is a relatively minor case." She replied, equably.

He frowned in curiosity "I never heard of those. Not even from Hagrid."

"Oh, he may never have seen them." She posited, feeding another thestral "After all, most people don't see these lovely creatures."

This caused an eyebrow to spike "Lovely?"

"Well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder." Quoted Luna "Or, perhaps another way to look at it is they are so ugly they are positively distinguished looking." She giggled when the thestral nipped at her neck.

He didn't know where it came from and as soon as it came out he wished he hadn't said it, but "Can I do that?"

"Perhaps on our second date, Harry Potter." Her protuberant eyes were, if possible, moreso.

He asked "So this is our first date?"

Pulling him along by the hand, she smiled airily and answered "Oh no, since you have to ask the question. Our first date will be the first time you buy me pudding in Hogsmeade. A second date? Well, we'll have to see. Perhaps more goodies for the thestrals."

"Well, there's a visit tomorrow." Suggested Harry with a boldness he didn't know he had.

She gave a shrug, didn't quite nod, but didn't refuse. The pair skipped back to the castle hand-in-hand.

"You have got to be kidding me, Potter!" exclaimed Draco Malfoy, who accosted them at the main gate "Mudbloods and now freaks! What is wrong with **you**?"

In a split second, Harry had fistfuls of the Slytherin's robes. And nose to nose, told him "Draco, talk about my friends again and I'll give your dear daddy reason to see thestrals."

"PROFESSOR!" he ran off screaming at the top of his lungs.

When he returned, looking superior, with Professor McGonagall, she demanded "What is this I hear about you threatening Mr. Malfoy?"

"I have no idea, Professor." Answered Harry with an air look at Luna and a shrug "I just offered to help Draco with Care of Magical Creatures. Professor Hagrid mentioned thestrals and I explained what they were."

When she departed, scolding Draco vehemently, Luna commented "That was not the truth, Harry Potter."

"Sure it was Luna Lovegood. From a certain point of view. Now, shall I escort you to Ravenclaw Tower?" Answered Harry.


	128. 128:Dudley's Tail Muggle Protection Act

**[a/n]** Suggested by magitech as a sequel to CH#122

 **Harry Does Different ZzzzZe**

Dudley's Tail **Muggle Protection Act**

Augusta Longbottom, acting in her role as Speaker of the Wizengamot, called the body to order then announced "The House will come to order! Arthur Weasley, as primary advocate, please report your proposal."

"Thank you Madam Speaker." The redheaded man took the podium "The primary purpose of this legislation is to protect our world from accidental disclosure to Muggles by punishing the hoarders of cursed objects that accidentally come into the possession of Muggles. This behavior is really nothing more than a cover for Muggle-baiting."

"Blood Traitor!" was heard to be shouted out, and from more than one source.

Lucius Malfoy was idly spinning his snakehead cane, considering how best to destroy the Muggle loving fool's precious bill. However, his musings were interrupted by a flashback to a letter from his son.

 _Father,_

 _Greetings as your heir. I write this, not knowing if this information will have any use, however I would rather report ten bits of trivia than miss one valuable bit of intelligence on our foes._

 _It seems Dumbledore's Golden Boy has a bit of a dark side. I happened to overhear him gossiping with his Mudblood and the Blood Traitor. He tells a rather amusing tale of the Muggle lover's pet oaf visiting to introduce him to our world. Seems Potter Muggle uncle made an insulting remark about the Muggle lover, and where it gets interesting, the oaf used his umbrella to give Potter's cousin a tail._

 _I find this of some potential given the fact the oaf never even sat his OWLs._

 _Please convey my devotion to my Mother._

 _I remain in your service_

 _Draco_

Lucius would have to locate that particular correspondence as the exact wording escaped him. But the time to act was now. He stood and requested "Madam Speaker?"

"For what purpose does the Noble Lord rise?" asked Augusta, formally.

He cleared his throat, this was a little distasteful for him "Madam Speaker, it is well known there has been generations of hostility between the Malfoys and the Weasleys. I do not suggest that be waved away at this session. Occasionally, however, we may agree on a particular issue vital to all wizardkind. Department Head Weasley's legislation addresses such an issue. He and I may not agree on what Muggles are to us, but I think this issue is one area where we agree. I would ask this body approve Mr. Weasley's bill by voice acclimation."

"Ayes? Nays?" the Speaker enquired "Lord Malfoy, I commend you for putting the good of all above familial hostilities. Let the clerk record The Muggle Protection Act of 1992 as passed into law."

Arthur Weasley stood there in shock. His mind raced wondering what could possibly be a benefit to his lifelong political and personal enemy? He came up blank, and because it would have been the height of rudeness not to, despite his utter disgust offered a bow and said "Thank you for your support, Mr. Malfoy."

Abcij

"We have an anonymous complaint that someone has violated Wizard Law 1992-Q." Amelia Bones told her staff.

Junior Auror Nymphadora Tonks coughed for attention then when it was granted, asked "Forgive me ma'am, but I'm not especially up on that. Having just completed training."

"You needn't know every rule and regulation to be a professional. This happens to be a good one, however. It protects Muggles from being targeted by malicious Magicals. Thereby adding a layer of protection to the Secrecy Statutes." The impressive black Auror lectured.

Madam Bones nodded with a smile "Thank you Senior Auror. I picked you two for this because of your abilities and now I need to know that you can both set aside any feelings you might have and carry out the law. Either, or both, of you may decline this without fear of repercussion."

"I'm here to do my job, ma'am!" exclaimed Tonks, eagerly.

The Chief Witch acknowledged "Your loyalty is noted, and appreciated, but this is a serious matter. As I said I won't fault either of you for backing out now, but once on mission I'll discipline any lack of professionalism or competence… most harshly. We'll be going to Hogwarts to arrest a particular favorite of most students for decades. Rubeus Hagrid. We have an anonymous tip, supported by Muggle records of his unauthorized use of magic with an illegal wand to assault a Muggle child."

"What does Albus say?" asked Kingsley "You know about their special relationship."

She frowned and chided him "That, Auror Shacklebolt is exactly why the Headmaster did not need to know. Now, one more time, can I count on you both? Or shall I get replacements?"

"Count me in." the pair said about the same time.

Abcij

Appearing at supper time was deliberate. The Headmaster rose to greet the trio "Hello, Amelia, would it be correct to assume…from your company…that you are not here merely to have some family time with Susan?"

"No, Albus, I am not." She acknowledged, with only a smile at her niece. Then her expression hardened "I have both a search warrant and an arrest warrant for the person and property of Hogwarts employee Rubeus Hagrid on charges of violating the Muggle Protection Act of 1992. Mr. Hagrid? You will surrender, peacefully, I trust?"

The Headmaster's eyebrows spiked, accompanied by gasped shocks from both staff and students "I am acquainted with that particular clause of our laws. It is unfathomable to me that Hagrid would display any such cruelty."

"You'll forgive us if we conduct our investigation independently." She wasn't asking "Your platitudes notwithstanding, please don't interfere with Aurors Shacklebolt and Tonks as they secure the prisoner….Thank you….I assure you there will be a fair trial. Now, I would appreciate the use of a spare classroom and the company of four of your Second Years, Misters Potter, Weasley and Malfoy and Miss Granger. And privacy."

Abcij

They entered a classroom, the stern witch cast a variety of spells and announced "Well, there we are."

"Pardon, miss, but what spells were those?" asked Hermione, intrigued.

She smiled "Ahh, yes, my niece has mentioned Gryffindor's resident Ravenclaw. If I promise you a book on the unclassified spells Aurors learn, will you promise to offer honest answers to my questions?"

"Why is Hagrid arrested? And what do we have to do with it?" demanded Harry, not at all pleased with the whole affair.

Still wearing the same smile, the Head of the DMLE addressed her team "Secure the prisoner in the office, then remove his shackles. Then search his hut. I want a complete inventory and anything likely used in the crime impounded and taken for examination."

"DON DOOO THA!" bellowed Hagrid "YE NO HA THE RIGH!"

Madam Bones barely blinked, her wand flashed " _Petrificus Totalis_! Now I believe he will cause no further trouble. Mr. Hagrid I assure you, I have the right. Now, children, you are not in any trouble. In fact, you might be interested to know, Ronald, my purpose is to investigate a violation of a law your father proposed."

"Really?" this appealed to the redhead "Alright, I'll try."

Now she smiled "From letters from niece, Susan, I am somewhat acquainted with all of you. Now to business. Draco Malfoy, your father informed me of a correspondence you recently sent him. Please share the details."

"Yes ma'am." The Slytherin replied, dutifully. He was quick enough to know exactly which letter she was talking about and its contents, and why "My father helped champion the new anti-Muggle baiting law and when I overheard Potter telling his friends about such an incident, I felt he had to know."

Ron sneered "Happened to overhear? Right."

Draco countered the sneer with a couple of raised eyebrows "Harry there was telling his two friends that Mr. Hagrid attacked a Muggle boy using magic. I didn't hear all of the details."

"Leaving out your colorful metaphors that is essentially correct." She acknowledged with more than a hint of disapproval. Now, I may assume you three remember the particular discussion?"

Harry spoke up, worried "I never meant to get Hagrid into trouble."

"Does that mean…knowing you'd witnessed a crime… you would not have come forward?" she was as disapproving of Harry as she had been a moment before with Draco.

Harry swallowed "Well, not as such… no… but you have to understand, I didn't know it was a crime. I didn't even know about that law. Besides, the Dursleys are worse to me."

"Two wrongs don't make a right, Mr. Potter. Now, I would appreciate you repeating your amusing anecdote to me." She let it be known it WASN'T a request. And after he did so, she looked at the other Gryffindors and asked "Mr. Weasley, Miss Granger? Does that match your recollections?"

Both looked a little guilty, but could only nod, and "Yes ma'am."

"Madam Bones, Tonks and I did not find anything Dark as such in the subject's residence." The large black man was a little intimidating to Harry, not least of which due to his size "However, we did find numerous quite dangerous objects, and a few dangerous creatures. Lastly, a contraband wand. Or more precisely, pieces of one. In the disguise of an umbrella. It shows regular use going back decades."

Sighing deeply, the Junior Auror offered "Ma'am, I don't mind saying, I didn't enjoy this assignment."

"Tonks, I sympathize" replied Amelia "You'll take him to a holding cell. NOT Azkaban. While I finish up with the students…..Now, you four….The first thing you are going to want do is tell every one of your friends what happened, word for word. I'm telling you, if one word of this conversation comes out before this case hits the courtroom, I will make the leaker pay."

tbc


	129. Dudley's Tail Muggle Protection Act 2

**[a/n0]** I'm not exactly sure how many reviews Cassandra30 did, but you were clearly at it for quite a while last nite for a good 4 hours. I sincerely hope you enjoyed.

 **[a/n]** Yes ex post facto law. Laws work any way the Wizengamot says.

 **Harry Does Different ZzzzZf**

Dudley's Tail **Muggle Protection Act 2**

There were no significant incidents. A preliminary hearing found sufficient cause for one Rubeus Hagrid, age 64, to be brought to trial. The case and crime lacked the importance to go to the full Wizengamot. The cryer announced "All rise! Criminal court #6! Wizengamot Session 5-5-2! Her Honor Doris Crockford presiding."

"Be seated." She announced coolly "The case of the Ministry vs Rubeus Hagrid. Alleged crime, violation of Wizard Law 1992-Q also known as The Muggle Protection Act of 1992. I take judicial notice of the presence of the accused and the victim, also the minor child's family."

The Dursleys looked decidedly uncomfortable in a roomful of 'freaks' but made an effort to keep distaste off their faces. Harry was not fooled and rather resentful of their intrusion into his world. Nor was he in any way subtle in the expression of his feelings. Anyone looking at his face could attest to that.

"Verne Troyer for the prosecution, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore for the defense." Opposing counsel introduced themselves.

Harry took an instant dislike to the prosecutor, even if the little wizard vaguely reminded him of a very helpful Goblin.

"Mr. Troyer, the state's case, please?" asked the judge.

He stood on his chair and bowed "Thank you, Your Honor, I intend to prove the accused knowingly assaulted young Mr. Dursley maliciously and cruelly. Further, as the accused was expelled from Hogwarts before his OWL exams, it was illegal for him to use any wand. Let along one that was specifically broken as a result of his expulsion."

"Come now, Verne, surely this is an exaggeration. Hagrid is a dear friend and has my complete trust." Said Dumbledore.

The prosecutor addressed the judge "Madam Crockford are we to consider that defense counsel's opening statement? And, forgive me, I do object …under the circumstances… to Mr. Dumbledore's familiarity."

"Defense is cautioned to address prosecutor by title, or other formal address. Now, is there anything else to add?" the judge ruled.

A look of surprise so complete settled on his face and he asked "Is that not sufficient?"

"Assuredly not." Replied Crockford "Professor, looking out to the gallery, it is apparent that only a couple are old enough to be your contemporaries. Most probably too young to remember Mr. Hagrid as a student. I personally remember the big friendly giant who always protected those littler than him. But this is a court of law. Shall we proceed?"

Anyone with a less biased eye could tell Mr. Troyer didn't especially like the victims in this case. He had first Dudley then his parents testify. Vernon finally pointing out "And it cost almost £60,000 to get that abomination removed from my son!"

"For the record, that works out to GG12,000." The prosecutor offered, then held up the pink umbrella "And is this what the accused pointed at your son?"

Vernon nodded, looking both fearful and angry "Yes! At first I thought the monster was going to skewer Dudley with it. But it flashed and my boy screamed. That's when that monstrosity appeared. It was awful, just awful."

"I call Harry Potter to the stand." Troyer said after questioning Draco, Ron and Hermione.

When he stood the judge was surprised "Just a moment Mr. Potter. You sat along with the man accused of assaulting your cousin, instead of behind your family?"

"Relatives…not family. There's a difference, Your Honor." Said Harry, with all the contempt a 12-year old boy could manage.

Prosecutor Troyer smirked up at the boy as he passed "Judge Crockford? Permission to treat the witness as hostile."

"You knew about The Muggle Protection Act of 1992, didn't you boy?" asked Troyer.

Harry sneered from the stand "Boy has a name."

"Judge, please order the witness to answer." The prosecutor petitioned.

Crockford ordered "The witness will answer."

"When shortie apologizes and uses my name." he argued.

Troyer protested "You Honor!"

"Go eat Devil's Snare." Harry quipped, then crossed his arms and slouched.

Several in the gallery burst out laughing, even the judge failed to contain a single chuckle "The witness has a point. Speak professionally, Mr. Troyer, or be fined."

Unsurprisingly, as defense counsel, Dumbledore had no problem with the scene. He merely rested his left foot on his right knee and looked on serenely.

"Madam." The prosecutor acknowledged, respectfully and back to the witness "Now then, back to my question. You knew about The Muggle Protection Act of 1992."

Harry buffed his fingernails, and sneered "That wasn't a question, and I'm still waiting for an apology…And to be addressed properly."

"Mr. Potter." Troyer gritted, under the irritated look of the judge DID YOU … know about The Muggle Protection Act of 1992."

Harry smiled at the victory, replied "I guess that'll do. I only heard of it when Madam Bones came to arrest Hagrid for breaking it."

"Why did it not occur to you to report Mr. Hagrid for hexing your cousin?" he asked.

The boy replied "Well, at the time I knew nothing of our world. How would I know what is or isn't a crime?"

"The-Boy-Who-Lived, know nothing of magic, Wizarding World? Your place in it?" asked Troyer, with more than a hint of disbelief. "I find that uncreditable."

Harry waved a hand of contempt at the victims' table "Well maybe if they hadn't told me my parents died in a drunken car wreck, it might've been different. And why should I care if you don't believe me?"

"Your Honor? Argumentative." Troyer complained.

Harry snorted "You said I was hostile."

"Mr. Potter, please. There is a certain decorum in a courtroom." Crockford chided him "Mr. Troyer? Next question."

He nodded "Of course, ma'am. You were, I trust, paying attention during your family's testimony."

"You mean the Dursley? I was." Commented Harry "They've never considered me family and the reverse is true."

The little wizard waved a dismissive hand "Regardless of your opinion, the point being is what they said factually correct?"

"From their perspective, no doubt. They did leave out the fact that Vernon called Professor Dumbledore an old fool. And that Dudley was busy making a pig out of himself by stuffing his face with most of the cake Hagrid gave me for my birthday." Answered Harry.

Troyer protested "Your Honor, I ask the record only read the witness saying 'No doubt' the remainder being stricken as irrelevant."

"Forgive me Doris, I must protest that. Harry felt the need to fully answer the question and I feel all his words should carry weight." Countered Dumbledore.

She nodded "Mr. Troyer, your objection is overruled. The jury may consider that answer in its entirety and give the most weight to whatever words they feel appropriate. Have you further questions?"

"The prosecution rests." Troyer looked a bit deflated.

Dumbledore stood, twinkling, "Now, Harry, I would like to offer you an opportunity to expand on what you testified to earlier. You say your cousin stole your birthday cake?"

"Yes, sir." Acknowledged Harry "Never had one before, even if Hagrid didn't quite get the spelling right."

Grinning, the Headmaster admitted "Yes, our groundskeeper was not known for his spelling. More than one of his professors complained about his essays."

"Anyway, after he called you a foolish old man, well that was more than Hagrid could stand." The young wizard concluded his testimony.

In his closing, the prosecutor twisted that just a bit "So what we have, Your Honor, is a case of a young boy being punished for a comment his Father made; which just happened to offend the sensibilities of an ex-convict. So what? That Mr. & Mrs. Dursley dislike Albus Dumbledore? That isn't a crime. By Muggle standards, judge, you and I are old. The Headmaster is older than most Muggle countries. Find the accused guilty on all counts."

"Your Honor, this is a simple case of excessive loyalty on my dear friend's part." Dumbledore began, his eyes all atwinkle, "There was no need or reason to bring this incident before the court. A matter of a harmless prank. I would also point out, regarding the Dursleys' complaint of expense, as Muggles fully aware of the Magical World Vernon and Petunia could have simply contacted me to remove the tail."

The judge tapped her gavel "Very well. I now charge the jury with deciding the innocence….or guilt…..of one Rubeus Hagrid of violating Wizard Law 1992-Q."

"All rise as Her Honor exits." The cryer bellowed.

abcij

The next morning, Doris Crockford asked formally "Mr. Foreman, have the jury reached a verdict?"

"Yes, Your Honor, we have." Said the middle-aged wizard "In the above titled action, we the jury find the defendant, Rubeus Hagrid, guilty of violating Wizard Law 1992-Q. We recommend sending a message with a sentence at the higher end of the range. Many of us are personally fond of Mr. Hagrid, but celebrity should not bestow legal privilege."

The judge accepted the scroll with the verdict and recommendation, passed it to her aide then addressed the standing now-convict "Rubeus Hagrid, having been found guilty of violating Wizard Law 1992-Q, and with the jury's recommendation in mind…I sentence you to five years in Azkaban, with the possibility of parole after two. Plus, an additional fifteen years probation. Your wand is to be burned to ash. Upon your release, you are banned from using magic in any way for the rest of your natural life. Muggle-baiting is utterly unacceptable. You must not be allowed to influence children with this behavior. You are barred from all school property, to include Hogwarts, Black Lake, the Express Train, tracks and both Hogsmeade station and Platform 9¾. And any other magical school campus."

"Hogwarts is me 'ome!" the giant sobbed, speaking for the first time in the whole affair "An 'e insulted 'Fessor Dumbledore!"

Crockford gaveled him to silence harshly "Which is NOT a crime. And, no, young Mr. Dursley in fact said nothing…as every witness has stated…yet YOU took it upon yourself to punish a boy for the opinion of his father. No, Mr. Hagrid, more and more I think you should definitely reside far from impressionable children. Lastly, to compensate the victims, you are fine GG13,000. Which will be converted to Muggle currency…at your expense. Aurors, take the prisoner into custody for transport to Azkaban. Case closed."

"A moment, judge." Dumbledore protested with a deeply disappointed expression "My friend Hagrid is a simple man with simple needs. He has never even kept a vault at Gringotts, declining to ever accept a salary."

Crockford shot him an annoyed look and ruled "Well, Professor, since the prisoner was acting on your orders and defended you…personally…then, you personally can reimburse the Dursley medical expenses."

"Whoop!" cheered Vernon and pounded his fist a dozen celebratory times "There IS justice! Good job this!"

Petunia was so exuberant she actually kissed their little wizard prosecutor on his head "This is the singular most amazing experience I have EVER had with this lot!"

"I have a question, if I may, Judge Crockford?" asked Harry.

Dumbledore disagreed "I object, Doris, Harry's testimony was instrumental in my client's conviction. Any further involvement could damage even his chance at appeal."

"I, on the other hand, see no harm." Argued Troyer "The case is over. Potter's testimony is part of the record. Nothing further he say could affect the outcome."

Having received a permissive wave, Harry asked "It's a matter, Your Honor, of this payment. You see, you ruled Professor Dumbledore needed to pay the Dursleys for the Muggle surgery Dudley had. Correct?"

"That is correct. Although Professor Dumbledore did not commit the crime, Mr. Hagrid was acting as an agent that evening, on the Professor's orders. This makes Professor Dumbledore responsible for Mr. Hagrid's actions." The judge explained her sentence.

Nodding, the boy said "Well I can support that. At least in principle, as they say."

Knowing what they did of their friend, and the Dursleys, Ron and Hermione exchanged looks of disbelief.

"But?" asked Crockford, she was experienced and smart enough to know something was coming.

Harry smirked at his relatives and explained "You see, Your Honor, the Dursleys already got their money back. They used me as slave labor renting me out to Privet Dr. neighbors. I fixed rooves, washed windows, weeded lawns and watered gardens all summer long."

"Lying little brat!" Vernon was out of his chair, and slapped his nephew.

He was quickly stunned, and this decided the case "Apparently, Mr. Potter is not treated well in his Muggle family's care. There will be a custody hearing at a future date. As for the fine I just ordered, it is still ordered. However, as Mr. Potter was an innocent victim of Mr. Hagrid's actions, the fine will be paid to him and not the Dursleys. Court adjourned."

"Bloody hell Harry! That's a bloody fortune!" Ron exclaimed.

The Headmaster walked over shaking his head in disappointment "Harry, I strongly suggest allowing your Aunt and Uncle their victory. It will make living on Privet Dr. a bit more tolerable."

"Did you hear her?" exclaimed Harry "The judge said I might not have to go back! To hell with the Dursleys and to hell with you! You can put MY money in MY vault tomorrow!"


	130. Chapter 130:Damn the Statutes

**Harry Does Different ZzzzZg**

Damn the Statutes

Harry Potter was an angry, young wizard. He'd just seen the Dark Lord Voldemort regain his body using the foulest of rituals. He felt dirty at having been used for it. He felt worse at seeing Cedric casually murdered as a mere spare. He felt himself a coward for being unable to resist a _Crucio_ from his enemy and just barely escaping with his friend's body. He watched with a cold smirk as the Order of the Phoenix browbeat his relatives.

"You Muggles have heard of werewolves, aint'cha?" asked Moody as his artificial eye twirled menacingly "Boy's had a hard year and we best not hear about him being mistreated. And we WILL hear."

Vernon Dursley didn't know many people he couldn't intimidate. He sneered into the shorter man's face "You lot think you can threaten me?"

"As a matter of fact, we can, Durrrrsley." It was Remus, egged on by a snarling Padfoot, "My wolf has never partaken. Tell me, would you like to watch me eat your heart?"

Vernon backed down in terror and slunk away. He was barely out of the freaks' sight around a corner when his courage rushed back. Nothing made him feel better than pushing the brat "You're going to get it for your friends! Threatening me! You'll pay!"

"I am NOT your punching bag!" snarled Harry.

Dudley advanced on his cousin, spurred on by his father, "I'll teach you to respect your betters." He melodramatically rolled up his sleeves and took a swing.

"I've had it with you lot!" Harry effortlessly dodged and whipped out his wand. All their mistreatment for his whole life filled him with hate "Time to show what magic can do. _Crucio_!"

There were dozens of witnesses who saw the purplish glow engulf the heavyset boy, who watched him scream in pain, who saw his mother run to help. "YOU MONSTER!"

"Glad to give you a taste, horse face. _Crucio_!" Harry lashed out again. Then a great mass of flesh landed on his back. He drove his wand under the assailant's arm and again yelled " _Crucio_!"

Vernon cried in agony, joining his wife and son on the stone floor suffering. Which attracted the attention of the departing members of the Order of the Phoenix. It was stunning. A child efficiently and ruthlessly dishing out the Torture Curse. Moody and Tonks charged in, planning to disarm Harry but were interrupted by unknown people. Even more astonishing was the subsequent disappearance. No one around had any memory of the incident.

"You were seen, witch!" a steel hard voice came out from everywhere around Harry.

Harry shrugged indifferently "So what? I'm sick of those bastard Dursleys. They-"

"Silence!" the voice commanded harshly "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live! The commandments say. So let it be written, so let it be done. Burn him!" And before the witch could react he was lashed to a stake, and then a faint hissing. The whole room seemed to burst into flames.

In that fractional micro-second, Harry suddenly remembered Professor Binns' class and exclaimed "Oh Yeah! _Wendelin the Weird!_ **Fidgio Infamore**!" After shivering and laughing he nonchalantly walked away.


	131. Overprotective Older Brothers Cliché 2A

**[a/n]** Sequel to #124

 **Harry Does Different ZzzzZh**

Overprotective Older Brothers Cliché 2A

"You lot want to explain what the bloody hell just happened?" demanded Ginny.

Mrs. Weasley immediately scolded "Language, Ginevra."

"Come off it, Mother!" the youngest redhead snapped back "You think that matters? We've been through a Merlin-be-damned war! NOW! I want some answers from my bloody brothers, or so help me I'll bat-bogie their bloody heads off!"

Mr. Weasley subtly pulled his wand and fired a quiet "Expelliarmus! There will be NO offensive magic against your brothers, young lady. That said, _boys_ , explain what happened…and, bluntly, you had better be truthful and swift in relating your story. I do not expect to be late for work."

"Potter is wrong for Ginny. He proved it by his behavior, the way he stomped out of our house." Charlie was the first to speak. The brothers nodded in support.

Ginny tapped her foot angrily "I hardly think it's that simple! I LOVE Harry. Now! I want an EXACT account of what happened! Start to finish! Word for word! And under _Veratiserum_!"

"You can't be serious! Come on Gin, would we lie to you?" Ron was just the right side of whining.

Ginny raked her brothers with an angry glare and chose "Right. George has the best memory of all of you. Mum? I'm very serious. What have you to be afraid of if you know you're right?"

"Of course we're right GinGin." He replied. And took the three drops from his Mother's stores. He then, under his sister's questioning, gave as exactly precise a repetition as he recalled. The other four brothers nodded that his account was as correct as they could recall.

She rolled her eyes when it was done "You lot DON'T get to approve or disapprove my love life! I EXPECT all FIVE of you to apologize to Harry. Would you care to enlighten me as to exactly who better than the little boy who killed a basilisk there is? And just because I was his friend's little sister?"

"He really wasn't nice about it, Gin." Ron pointed out, in their defense.

Mrs. Weasley said "Come dear, surely you can see your brothers are entitled to their point of view, even if you don't fully agree with it. And as a guest-"

"You always said Harry was like another son." Ginny retorted, coldly "A guest? No wonder this lot felt they could throw him out of bed at 3AM. I'll be with Harry…..#12 Grimmauld!..." The green flames flashed as usual, however nothing happened.

Mr. Weasley pulled his daughter out of the fireplace "Come on, dear, Harry apparently closed off his floo. I want all of you to think about this situation and how you can make it right. And since I am not getting any sleep, you can make breakfast for your Mother and I."

Abcij

"Master Harry Potter must no longer drink." A worried Kreacher finally decided he could disobey the Head of his Family. It had been three days "House Black is not benefitting from weakness. Harry Potter will be sober and Harry Potter will make Sirius Black proud. Or Kreacher will die trying."

Declared fit nearly a week later, and permitted to venture out, he decided it was time to get on with his life. He asked for, and received, an instant meeting with the Head Auror "Morning, Mr. Robards. Sorry I had to have some me time, is that offer of a place still good?"

"Having the slayer of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named out there will double morale and quadruple law and order throughout Britain." The recently installed Gawain Robards smiled "We'll get you outfitted and on patrol. Some easy stuff but high visibility."

Harry nodded, a little unhappily "I see the need. Alright. But it do have a condition. Ron Weasley."

"I don't see any problem assigning him as your partner." Robards offered.

Harry shook his head "No sir. I actually mean exactly the opposite. I can't see anything wrong with him joining. He's good enough. I mean this as a professional opinion. On a personal level, well, I'm sure we'll have to run into each other… but if you want me in London, I'd prefer Weasley in Wales or Hogsmeade."

"I take your meaning, Potter. Aurors notably have issues and arguments. Britain is a big place and there are enough of us to manage that … most of the time. Your, err, friend is starting out patrolling his home village. How about Diagon Alley?" the Head Auror commiserated.

Harry gave a nod "Sure, if you think I can stay south of Rowling St."

"Interesting, a block before 93, huh?" Robards noted "Well, your patrol area will include Knockturn Alley. Up and around to Gringotts. Do you really think you'll avoid Weasleys indefinitely?"

Abcij

The Head Auror's prediction was of seer quality. Or was it just a matter of Harry's celebrity? He was hardly out an hour when Ginny found him "My brothers were a little out of line."

"A little?" asked Harry, while his eyes scanned the low district for trouble.

She frowned and put a hand on his chest, forcing him to stop "Well, it's not my job to apologize for them. And I hardly expected to be woke out of a sound sleep at 3AM. Let alone the nasty shit you tossed at me."

"The last thing I wanted was to stay in a house with a nasty bunch of gits who threw me down a fight of stairs." He countered, emotionlessly.

Ginny admitted with a sigh "I guess I can understand that. Have you thought about where that leaves you and me?"

"I want love. I want a family. I could see myself marrying you …one day. After three days drunk, I spent the past week deciding your brothers need to pay for what they did to me. I haven't figured out how….yet. if we get married, they're not invited. If we have kids, they will NOT be uncles." Harry declared.

Her hands flew to her throat, shocked "You're asking me to choose between my brothers and you!"

"Actually, no." answered Harry, with the tone of fate "I'm telling you they wrote themselves out of my life. I will never call Percy Bill or George brothers-in-law and no child of mine will use the names Uncle Charlie or Uncle Ron."

Abcij

And in less than an hour after, Harry's patrol was joined by Hermione "I have enough Weasley experience to know I got a less than objective story. I'd just like to know if there isn't some way to heal this."

"Hermione, they yanked me out of bed, pushed me down the stairs…lucky I didn't break my neck…You remember Ron's room is on the fifth floor? I felt like I was back with those Snatchers. Malfoy's dungeon was a lot of fun, wasn't it?" he was doing everything he could to keep the anger out of his voice.

She sighed sadly "I don't want to seem to be taking sides, please believe me. But I really do love Ron, I think I always have. I can completely understand you're angry, but-"

"Has he given any sign…at all…that he's sorry?" he cut her off, carefully maintaining a neutral tone "I bet he steamed and stewed that I closed my Floo. Didn't he?"

She nodded in a frustrated way "Yes, but—"

"Nothing's really changed since school has it? I forgave him for being a nasty git before the First Task. Then, partly my fault, but I forgave him for ruining the Yule Ball for me. How about abandoning us during the Horcrux hunt? If you marry him, I'll come to the wedding, as YOUR friend. I don't have a problem with Arthur and Molly, I'll even dance with crotchety Auntie Muriel. Sorry, no, I'm done." He ranted, then gave a defeated grunt.

Hermione looked even worse after that speech "I don't deny what they did is wrong, Harry. It was. Even as Ron told me, I could read between the lines. Fleur and Angelina have really been twisting the screws to get their boy to apologize. Honest. And I don't know, I think the person I feel worst for is Ginny. I just wish everyone could see how much it's going to cost all of us…if-if…err, Harry, why are you suddenly smiling?"

"Because I just figured out how to pay them back." There was something distinctly sinister in that expression.

And she saw it, no doubt "Harry? What are you thinking? Please. Whatever it is…..don't."

Abcij

What form Harry's payback took was a nuclear bomb among the few people who knew about it. On a regular weekday, a few days later, a goblin of long acquaintance entered Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes. A goblin entered the store during a not particularly busy time and said "George Weasley, I have potentially a valuable piece of business to discuss with you."

"Always delighted to discuss a new line, Ragnok." The redhead offered with a grin, and led the goblin to the strictly minimalist office, which led to manufacturing and storage.

The goblin looked regretful "I ask you to understand none of your business secrets were disclosed during this discussion. As guardian of your vault, I spoke with Harry Potter to negotiate a way out of your entanglement. Mr. Potter provided the initial seed money which got your remarkable enterprise off the ground. In return, you and your brother/partner offered unlimited unconditional access to your inventory."

"Yes, unfortunately, we've been on the outs of late." Said George, scratching the back of his neck nervously "Nothing in writing, you understand. A gentlemen's agreement, between friends."

Ragnok shook his head in disdain "This is the problem with you humans. Nothing spelled out. Arbitrary meaningless agreements. Your rental agreement? A clear simple, written unambiguous contract. The mess you two created as children? Madness! Regardless, an opportunity for us. Harry Potter wants nothing to do with you and wants his investment, with a reasonable profit."

"Well" a sneer was an expression goblins appreciated "he certainly does not need to come into _my_ store."

The goblin growled in frustration "Exactly why we dislike dealing with situations like this. Of course, Mr. Potter felt that might be your reaction. His Gringotts guardian informed me of the following: If you don't agree to A]Pay 200 Galleons per month for a period of ten years B]Pay 35 percent of revenue related to any Harry Potter merchandize to him and his heirs and C]Agree to offer nothing denigrating his name: Mr. Potter would take the case before the Wizengamot, and would also charge yourself and your brothers, Ronald, Percival, William and Charles with attempted murder in connection to an incident I believe you are aware of."

"He's really gone over the top with this." George growled.

Ragnok was not at all intimidated, of course "Mr. Weasley, your gold increasing is my number one concern. Bodrod, the Potter vault advisor, was quite shrewd…as, of course, he should be, for his client. I have two recommendations, first is agree to this exactly as is, second is never again enter into verbal agreements."

"I've half a mind to just stop selling anything with that git's face on it." The young businessman hissed.

To which the goblin rolled his eyes "That will cost six of your staff their jobs, reduce your vault status by one …perhaps two… levels, and delay your expansion plans at least five years. Mr. Potter's lawsuit, which you would probably win, would be a pyrrhic victory due to bad publicity. Of course, that would be if it didn't go through with the attempted murder charges. THAT publicity would bankrupt your business even if you were found innocent. Protect what you have and grow your future."

"Fine!" George snapped out his agreement furiously, and signed.

Abcij

Harry was in his cubicle completing an incident report while his partner handled the angry parents.

 _Three teenage girls, Hogwarts students from Pureblood families, were apprehended for First Degree Muggle baiting in Diagon Alley. A new First Year Muggleborn boy and his parents were trapped and being hexed. Spells consisted of itching and endless dance variety. The word Mudblood was heard shouted multiple times. The alleged perpetrators were stunned, brought into Auror HQ and held awaiting parents. Hexes were successfully removed, and the victims were taken to St. Mungo's for precautionary check._

Ginny looked over his shoulder, scanned his report out of curiosity for half a minute before announcing herself, highly irked "Why are you blackmailing my brother?"

"Good afternoon, Gin." He turned, smiling, pulled her in by the hips.

She twisted and backed out of reach, her irked expression moving to anger and her tone matching "I want an explanation for what you did!"

"Follow me." He stood, walked past her, led her through a hallway, entered an interrogation room. After Ginny entered he closed the door and ordered "Sit…..now, specify."

Struck momentarily speechless, she finally recovered "You know what I'm talking about, sending that goblin to WWW with that contract. Threatening to have my brothers arrested."

"Well, actually, I just told my vault guardian what I wanted. I don't know who Gringotts actually sent." He pointed out "But to be clear, I wanted a clear, legally enforceable, contract between me and a business profiting from me. He just happens to be the first, he's not the last."

She frowned "So Wheezes is nothing more than just another business to you?"

"No. It's a company that was founded on my Galleons. And by someone who threw me down a flight of steps because he didn't like me dating his sister." Harry shot back, coolly. "Gringotts just pointed out we can still profit, if I get my fair share. I could've demanded more."

She kicked a table leg in frustration "That's not how they meant it. They're just a little overprotective is all."

"So, let's see, I save you from teenage Voldemort and their response is to come almost as close to killing me as grownup Voldemort." He summed up his perspective on the matter "So, have you thought about what I said?"

She nodded "Where I have to choose between you and my brothers?"

"Between your boyfriend and a bunch of bullies who jump him at 3AM." Harry confirmed "Because, honestly, I'm getting tired of waiting."

She got up and reached for the door "Well, I don't see you making any effort to make things better. So I think we need a break."

"Okay. Make sure to clear your next boyfriend with them." Was Harry's only response as she walked out.


	132. Chapter 132:Potter v Umbridge

**Harry Does Different ZzzzZi**

Potter v Umbridge

"What? Mr. Potter, do you think is out there?" the climate in the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom got noticeably chillier.

Harry shot back "Oh. I don't know Voldemort." He ignored the gasps of his classmates at the feared name.

"He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is NOT back!" exclaimed the diminutive professor.

Harry got to his feet, violently, drove a fist into his desk and declared "It's pronounced VOL—DEE—MORT!"

"That will be twenty points from Gryffindor, Potter." Umbridge ruled.

This time he spelled it out "Vee-Ohh-eL—Dee—EEE-eM-Ohh-Rrr-Tee!"

"Enough!" snapped Professor Umbridge "You will have a week of detention! And that is fifty points from Gryffindor!"

Harry's eyes flashed to the Hufflepuff section of the class. He didn't mind locking eyes with Hannah Abbott, or Susan Bones for that matter "So? Cedric Diggory died how?"

"That was an unfortunate tragedy, Mr. Potter. But given the Ministry-stated official policy it is a self-evident fact that Mr. Diggory was a victim of the toll the TriWizard Tournament has on competitors." She answered, with a tone of long-suffering patience.

Justin Finch-Fletchley felt skewered by his classmate's look.

"Well? Wha'do ya Puffs think of that?" asked Harry, rhetorically "The Ministry thinks Cedric choked on a pigmypuff, perhaps? How about it, Delores, did he trip into the hedges and just break his fool neck?"

Feeling that she was losing control of the situation, she screeched "GET OUT OF MY CLASSROOM!"

Abcij

"Mr. Potter, do you honestly think you have the right to defy a professor's detention assignment?" asked Professor McGonagall.

Harry looked around, frowning. He was without support, just the Deputy Headmistress and a gloating DADA teacher. The Gryffindor Head's office never seemed so unfriendly to him. Not even in the aftermath of the ill-conceived flight in Mr. Weasley's enchanted car. "Professor [he used the word contemptuously] Umbridge gave me detention and took seventy points for…as she put it…lying about Voldemort's return and Cedric's murder."

"You will NOT use that name!" Umbridge let out a horrified hiss.

Rather childishly he snapped out "Voldemort Voldemort Voldemort Voldemort! See, I'm still standing. I faced snakeface. He scares the hell out of me, his stupid madeup name? Not so much."

"I informed you not to use that name!" growled Umbridge in anger.

To which Harry shrugged "Well, I flatly refuse to go along with the coward bullshit of Mr. Hyphenated. You know Professor Lu—"

"That will be fifty points from Gryffindor for use of the name I have repeatedly forbidden you from using!" Umbridge ruled harshly.

Harry retorted "AS I was saying Professor Lupin had no problem saying Voldemort. But, then, he wasn't a coward like you!"

"Potter! Insulting a teacher!" McGonagall automatically scolded.

Harry waved a dismissive hand "Lupin was a professor, she's not. She's not even a librarian. Open your books to page 33! Your wands will not be necessary! How is that teaching?"

"You do not get to decide the curriculum, boy." Professor Umbridge's tone was one of stone "It is the job of adults who know better."

He looked at his Head of House askance "What kind of grades did she get?"

"I beg your pardon?" McGonagall was a little shaken.

The boy blushed a bit, but braved through "Sorry professor, but we all know how old everyone is. You were my parents' teacher and for years before…..anyway, she's teaching Defense, what was her OWL? And NEWT?"

"What has that to do with anything, boy?" demanded Umbridge, harshly.

He flicked a thumb at her "That's no way to talk to someone who pays your salary."

"Mr. Potter! That is no way to speak to a professor!" McGonagall scolded him.

Harry shrugged "I could do a better job teaching Defense than her."

"Minerva, Mr. Potter's grades in my class are Ps and Ts. Nothing he says can be taken seriously." Said Umbridge.

McGonagall frowned "In an official conference, Professor Umbridge, we should endeavor to act professionally. Kindly address me accordingly."

"Wicked." Harry quipped with a brief grin "And Malfoy and his cronies get top marks, of course. Just like in Potions. Anyway, if I wasn't better than average in Defense, I wouldn't have fought Voldemort to a draw in that ceme-"

Umbridge slapped her wand on the table the professors sat at, it sparked and popped "That will be ANOTHER month's detention for using that name!"

"Just because you're a coward" he began.

She snarled sweetly "Insulting a professor. That costs you fifty points."

"Professor McGonagall, I cannot expect to be treated fairly in her class. I will NOT serve one single detention she inflicts on me for ANY reason." Stated Harry with a tone of finality.

Umbridge emitted an angry squeal and declared "I will see you expelled boy!"

"Eh…Snape's been saying that since 91." he shrugged carelessly, then to the Deputy, politely "Professor? Please consider this my interview for the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. Good afternoon."

Umbridge snarled "Where do you think you are going, boy?"

"Quidditch practice." Answered Harry in an offhanded manner "Wood tends to get snarky when we're late."

She snapped back "You have detention. This precludes the possibility of you practicing."

Harry left the room.


	133. Chapter 133:Scar Wisdom

**[a/n]** Death Eaters and Benadryl by Crowlows19 was the humorous inspiration for ch#110. Couldn't find it at the time.

 **Harry Does Different ZzzzZj**

Scar Wisdom

"Why do Unca Vern and Aun'Tunie call me fweek?" 4-year old Harry Potter sobbed in his cupboard.

Slits of light came from the kitchen as did the tapping and clinking of a hearty meal being consumed by the other inhabitants of #4 Privet Dr.

In a 'room' adequate to his little body, the boy had nothing to listen to but the rumble of his stomach and the meanderings of his companions Padfoo & Mooey, a pair of spiders. But there came a new voice whispering to him "You are not a freak. You are, in fact, an exceptional boy."

"Who dat?" the scarred boy squeaked. His head snapped around looking for the source, but of course there was nothing. Though highly suspicious, the tension slowly eased from the child. Nevertheless he could feel a presence somewhere close.

Softly, kindly, the presence introduced itself "My name is Tom…..hello Harry Potter…I was not able to talk to you before, but I can now. I have been with you since your parents died, and no they were not drunks and bums like your mean relatives say."

"No?" sobbed Harry with a hopeful expression "Unca Vern and Aun'Tunie lied?"

Tom gave an affirmative grunt "Exactly right, dear boy! Your Mum and Dad, James and Lily Potter were killed. They were heroes in a great war. Never be ashamed of them. You should, instead, feel proud to be their son."

"Thank you Tom. Thank you very much." Little Harry wiped at his nose and sat up straight on his shelf in his cupboard "Tom? Where are you? Why can't I see you?"

There was a brief silence, then "I am inside your scar, Harry. The memory of someone who also died with your parents."

"How could that happen, Tom?" asked Harry, touching his forehead.

This silence was much longer, then "The short answer to that is magic."

"Unca Vern and Aun'Tunie say dere's no thing." The little boy shook his head.

There was repressed fury in the comforting response "Another lie, Harry, another lie. Your Aunt Petunia is your mother's sister. She was there when she got her letter to go to magic school and grew up seeing all the wonderful things your mother could do. She hated your mother because she could not do them, and so she hates you."

"No fair! No my fault!" exclaimed Harry as he kicked the cupboard door.

Tom sent out soothing waves "No, it isn't. And I can teach you. Help you get strong much sooner than magic school. You won't go there until you're eleven. If you listen to me and do what I tell you, I promise your relatives will never dare hurt you again."

"Weally?" the little boy wiped at his eyes, then a flash of suspicion "Can I twust you?"

That only produced a light chuckle "Oh, excellent! You don't really. But I am only a memory, yours to command. I can't even live without you. I have seen how those Dursleys treat you and I want to stop it. It makes me very angry, very very angry, Harry."

So 4-year old Harry Potter decided to listen to the voice coming from his scar. It would lead to a shock for the aged wizard who left him on the Dursley doorstep. And it would change the world.


	134. Chapter 134:Pardon Sirius

**Harry Does Different ZzzzZk**

Pardon Sirius

Cornelius Fudge, Minister for Magic of Britain gaped in fear at the place where the most fear Dark Wizard just vanished from and whispered "HE really is back! You-Know-Who! Sweet Merlin! I must do something!"

"I'll tell you one thing you can do!" Harry Potter jumped down the politician's throat "Not that it means much now, but you can clear my Godfather!"

Dumbledore put in "Now, calm down Harry. Cornelius, it is actually a worthy notion. Sirius Black died fighting Voldemort, this proves he was not a Death Eater."

"I suppose I could do something." Fudge offered, seemingly magnanimously "Even have a brief presentation. Does that appeal to you, Mr. Potter?"

Harry smiled at the man he didn't especially like "That would be wonderful, sir."

"We'll make it in a couple days. I'll come to Hogwarts. It will make a wonderful show for the press." Fudge's eyes glittered with the image of the potential benefits "I shall make all the arrangements. All you need do, my boy, is show up in your dress robes."

Hermione gushed "Oh Harry! Isn't it just wonderful!"

"I ain't all that impressed. I mean really, he didn't do anything about giving Sirius a real trial for twelve years. But forget that, he didn't even investigate what we told him in Third Year. Just took Snape's word for it, even gave the greasy git an Order of Merlin." Ron pointed out as soon as the Minister was out of earshot.

By the time people were gathering in the Great Hall for the ceremony, Harry was less than thrilled with the Minister for Magic. The entire Mysteries Six sat in the front row. Harry on the end, so he could easily step up on stage. Hermione next to him, followed by Ron, Ginny, Luna and Neville.

There was a bustle as the Minister for Magic entered, people rose and applauded the Head of Government.

"Thank you, thank you." Cornelius exuded charm, waving and shaking hands as he made his way up the center aisle between Gryffindor and Ravenclaw. Once onstage he shook hands with Dumbledore and then waved to the crowd before taking the podium "Wizards and wizards assembled today, I thank you for your attention today. We're here to recognize that …yes… He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named has returned. Second, that a group of Hogwarts students ably assisted Ministry Aurors in repelling His intrusion into the Department of Mysteries. And that one Sirius Black, by his efforts on the same day, has earned a full and complete pardon for his crimes."

"Pardon?" asked Harry, through the corner of his mouth to his encyclopedic friend.

She whispered back the definition "According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary the action of forgiving or being forgiven for an error or offense. In this case, the government decision Sirius is deemed to have demonstrated that he paid his debt to society."

"I don't think I care for that very much." Grumbled Harry.

Minister Fudge had still been speaking "…And to accept this formal Certificate of Pardon from an appreciative government, pardoning Sirius Black of all past crimes, Harry Potter…Mr. Potter, please."

"So you're forgiving all Sirius' crimes?" asked Harry as he climbed the stairs.

The Minister nodded eagerly and offered him a certificate framed in a golden plaque "Just as we talked about, my boy." As he squeezed Harry's shoulder.

"You can't forgive someone of crimes they were never convicted of." Harry snarled angrily. He yanked the ornate plaque, smashed it on the floor, stomped on it and ground it under his boot a couple times, pulled his wand and yelled "INCENDIO! SIRIUS BLACK DID NOTHING TO BE PARDONED FOR!"

Fudge grabbed his arm and growled hatefully "You dare embarrass me, boy!"

"Why not?" Harry snapped back "You're nothing but a two-Knut politician with delusions of grandeur who doesn't even have the balls to take responsibility! My Godfather doesn't deserve a _pardon_! He deserved an APOLOGY! And I have NEVER been **your** _boy_! Now let go of my arm before I do something you'll regret!" He marched offstage and out the Great Hall followed by the rest of The Ministry Six and some thirty other students.


	135. Chapter 135:Wedding Woes

**[a/n]** A rebellious, smart, Harry reacts to a marriage contract.

 **Harry Does Different ZzzzZl**

Wedding Woes

 _I, Sirius Orion Black, being of sound mind and body…shut up, Moony…..do hereby declare this my Last Will and Testament. While the Black Family estate is a vast complicated financial empire, my wishes are simple. Draco Malfoy, you are a cruel nasty little boy, everything Mummy Walburga would be proud of. Nothing I want my legacy associated with, but the Family Creed requires an inheritance for a Black. Very well, I leave you sixteen Knuts. Narcissa, if you divorce Lucius and renounce Draco, I leave you one million Galleons._

 _Remus John Lupin, my best living friend, I leave you one million Galleons. Have a good life, buy nice clothes, jump Nymphadora's bones._

 _Andromeda Tonks, you were wrongfully expelled from the Black Family. I accept you back with open arms and appoint you the new Head of House Black. Except for listed above, the balance of the Moste Ancient and Moste Noble House of Black is yours._

 _Harry James Potter, as your Godfather it is my duty to see to your wellbeing. I did a pretty pitiful job of that for a solid decade. What little I was able to see of you, was that you are a brash, impulsive young man who leaps in where the Founders would fear to tread. You also have an amazing cadre of friends one can only acquire through shared experiences and loyalty given. In my opinion, you do not need a guardian. This will fully emancipates you, granting the full rights and responsibilities of an adult wizard. You will have full access and control of the Moste Ancient and Moste Noble House of Potter. I encourage you to solicit the advice of others, whoever you choose, but in the end make your own decisions. Farewell._

"It's earlier than expected, but we knew this would happen." Mrs. Weasley announced "Professor Dumbledore and I wanted to secure your future, Harry. And especially after the bravery of your rescue of our little girl!"

Harry looked around, utterly flummoxed "Err? What're you talking about?"

"Why, Professor Dumbledore acting as your guardian, signed a marriage contract between you and Ginevra, of course." She explained, as if it was a well-known fact.

Ginny grimaced at the use of her fill name, but blushed and curled her arm around his and squealed gleefully "Oh Harry! Isn't it wonderful!"

"I don't think I'm ok with this." Harry did what he could to disentangle himself from the redhead "I mean … don't get me wrong … Ginny, you're pretty enough. Any boy would be lucky, but well, see I remember that time Hagrid saw us in the corridor and how much we looked like my Dad, and well…you, my Mum. And…it, err…kinda grossed me out."

The goblin executor shook his head "That, Lord Potter, would not be wise. You see, a substantial penalty clause was built into the contract should you opt out. It would cost you half of the Potter estate."

"Well, all's not lost." Said Molly, greedily, summoning her daughter with a wave of her hand "Come dear, you'll just have to console yourself while swimming in a poolful of gold."

Ginny looked reluctant, but complied with her mother's command. The Weasley males all gave Harry deeply angry looks.

"What!" he snapped "Try picture snogging YOUR mother! And, Ragnok? Could I see that contract? And if you could specifically point out the penalty clause, please?"

The goblin left his seat, waddled around the table to Harry, with a scroll in hand. "You must understand it was written most specifically to be inescapable. We goblins take pride in giving what we are paid for. Nothing personal, you understand, strictly business." He smiled, showing teeth.

"My cousin watches movies all the time." Harry returned the expression "Michael Corleone used exactly those same words, then in the next scene shot his enemy in the throat and shooting a corrupt police captain in the head. Now …. Ahhh….even if you do mind."

Ragnok looked not the least worried. After all, Muggle matters did not concern him. "You will note…..Traditional Marriage Contract….agreement for raising of children by the Distaff House."

"Excuse me, Mother?" came from Ginny "I would be _perfectly_ capable of raising any children _we_ make!"

Harry actually looked faintly ill, spoke with his eyes closed "Ginny…..I'm sorry….I really can't picture doing with you….what….ugh…..to make babies."

"If I might finish this, Lord Potter." Said Ragnok impatiently "This part is critical…the undersigned herein agrees that should the party of the first part….That would be the aforementioned Harry Potter….. renege on said agreement, he would be liable to pay liquidated damages equal to one-half of the value of the value of the Moste Ancient and Moste Noble House of Potter. And it is signed by Albus Dumbledore acting as guardian." The goblin gave a quite satisfied grunt before passing over the scroll.

"I see." Harry nodded in thought, meanwhile boiling internally "Ragnok, this penalty clause does not indicate that the Moste Ancient and Moste Noble House of Potter must pay …the…errrrr… liquidated damages."

The goblin pulled at his whiskers "Not as such, no, but-"

"Ah-ah!" Harry waggled a finger in a McGonagallish manner "Master Goblin, the LETTER of the contract is everything. And another point, Albus Dumbledore acting as guardian, if Sirius can emancipate me as my guardian and he ALWAYS was my Godfather. Well, then, was there ever a court ruling naming the Headmaster my guardian?"

The goblin pulled at his whiskers "Not as such, no, but-"

"Again with the buts, Master Goblin." Harry pointed out, smirking "So, what we have here is an example of an unenforceable contract. Again, my apologies, Ginny, you're certainly pretty. But the look like Mum thing just makes it * **shudder** * G'day Weasleys."

Draco, despite the tremendous defeat of being all but disinherited from the Black fortune was laughing.

"Someone MUST pay for this atrocity!" Ragnok howled.

Halfway to the door, Harry paused, and waved a hand at the Headmaster "The contract only says … pay half the value of the House of Potter. It doesn't actually say WHO has to pay. I'd suggest the wizard who signed the contract." Then, leaving the others to stare at each other, stuck his hands in his pockets at ambled out into the corridor heading for Diagon Alley.


	136. Chapter 136:You Knew My Father?

**Harry Does Different ZzzzZm**

You Knew My Father?

"Indeed I did!" was Remus Lupin's eager response to the question "Harry, indeed I did! Two better friends, a man couldn't hope to have!"

Harry considered that and compared it with what he'd been told then "Permission to speak freely, sir?"

"With me, always!" he was even more eager for a connection with his best friends' son. "And no need to call me sir, at least not in private. You'll understand the need in class."

To which, the boy nodded then allowed extreme bitterness to drip from his voice "From what I've been told, I can't imagine anyone being friends with them. According to Professor Snape, my Father was an arrogant toerag who strutted around the castle like he owned the place. And ever since I could remember, my Muggle family has told me he was a drunken bum and my Mother was a cheap whore."

"That is a flagrant pack of vicious lies!" the professor was so furious he couldn't help a bit of werewolf peaking through his usual quiet demeanor.

Oblivious to that, he gave an uncaring shrug and countered "I should believe you? Over EVERY grownup from teachers, neighbors? What makes you so special?"

"I was one of your father's best friends in school." Remus was appalled by the progress of this encounter.

Harry snorted in disgust "Don't say much. So was that Black guy who betrayed him. Voldemort's righthand man? Way to go Dad."

"That is no way to talk about your Father! He was a great man!" Remus was beginning to get angry.

Harry wasn't impressed "Oh I get it. See, Malfoy calls Hermione a mudblood whore. Same must've been true of dear old Dad. The drunk shared his mudblood whore with his drinking buddies, huh?"

"That is the most offensive, insulting, disgusting thing I have ever heard!" growled the werewolf. "You really should consider changing your opinions."

Shaking his head, the boy replied "Vernon wouldn't like that. It took him ten years to beat them into me. Too bad one of Dad's friends wasn't around to change my opinions sooner. Is there anything else, _professor_? _sir_?" Both the title and the honorific came across as insults.

"This is not what I expected from the son of James Potter." Remus commented, not missing the student's tone "I hope I can change your mind."

Harry started for the classroom door, and without looking back asked "Where were you since 82?"

"Bloody Harry!" exclaimed Ron the instant the classroom door clicked shut.

Hermione swatted him on the chest and glared, then turned "Harry! You never said anything like that before! You don't really believe it? Do you?"

"Well, everything I said about the Dursleys, their neighbors and Snape is a thousand percent true." He qualified "But believe it? I know everything they say is a lie. After this, wait'll the next time greasy starts namecalling Dad."

She shook her head "I don't understand. Harry, you didn't see his expression, he was really truly hurt. I could tell. I think he really loved your parents."

"Not enough to check on their only son, Hermione." He answered "No visit, no phone call, nothing so much as a bloody Christmas card ONCE!"

She waved a finger his way "You don't need to curse, Harry. And I can hear you without raising your voice. Do you really think it's fair to lie to Professor Lupin?"

"Cry me a river." He retorted callously "I'd love to know what Mum and Dad think of him, but until I do, I don't care about their friend. So? Shall we get to Potions? No sense giving Snape a free reason."


	137. Chapter 137:Splinched 2

**[a/n]** Sakura Lisel, Hands Off MY Wolfie, BJH all requested a sequel to #36. I feel bad, Sue so sweet.

 **Harry Does Different ZzzzZn**

Splinched 2

**KnockKnock** Professor McGonagall responded to the tapping on her office door, expression already frosty "Enter." She didn't look up for two full minutes, continuing to scratch away on her paperwork, then "I trust it is safe to assume you know why you're here, Potter."

"I'm guessing it's not to award me points for carrying Susan Bones to hospital after she splinched herself." Harry snarked.

The Head of Gryffindor blinked "Miss Bones has nothing to do with this!"

"No?" asked Harry "It was her psycho-witch friend who attacked me."

Her eyebrows shot up her forehead "Be that as it may. Young wizards, Mr. Potter, do not beat up on young witches. I cannot believe even your relatives did not teach you appropriate behavior between the genders."

"Vernon had that talk with me last year." Harry gave a disgusted snort "And I quote Boy, don't you dare bring any freak brat you make with any freak whore into my home. I worked out the making mostly by listening around the dorm. Stupid rules didn't stop Bellatrix from killing Sirius."

That sent Minerva's brain whirring behind her stony exterior "There is a fundamental difference between a schoolgirl like Miss Abbott and criminals like the LeStranges. Two weeks detention and fifty points from Gryffindor. Last, you will PUBLICLY apologize to Miss Abbott."

"Lines with a Blood Quill, Professor?" sneered Harry "Keep your head down, Potter?"

She slapped her desk in annoyance and snapped "Stop with the extraneous topics! The library has adequate resources of the subject of proper cross-gender conduct. I expect a thousand words on the subject."

"Don't hold your breath." Harry cut in.

Her fist clenched and she declared harshly "That will be another fifty points, and you WILL apologize to Miss Abbott, or I will remove you from Quidditch captaincy."

"Here, take it. I thought you liked the Cup in here. Oh well, maybe Flitwick will get it. Can't see myself rooting for Sprout or Snivilus." He yanked the golden badge off his robe, tossed it on her desk and headed for the door.

McGonagall fired a locking charm at the door and "You have not been dismissed. That apology for Miss Abbott… breakfast tomorrow…..get out of my sight…now!"

Abcij

"Prior to breakfast this morning, a public apology is due for last night's unprovoked violence. Harry Potter and Hannah Abbott, you have the floor." Headmaster Dumbledore then relinquished the podium and gestured broadly with both arms.

They did shake hands, Harry looked expectant "Well Abbott? Unprovoked violence? Got something to say to me?"

"Professor Sprout told me you were ordered to apologize to me." The blonde Hufflepuff hissed, the while attempting to squeeze the boy's hand.

Having known pain, he just smirked at her "A _crucio_ from Voldemort is worse than anything you could dish out Abbott. Why don't we give it another try? Let's see how five years of Quidditch does." The pressure he could apply went far beyond what the svelte girl could manage.

"Professor! Make him stop!" she squealed as the pain increased. She futilely slapped at his hand, dancing and pulling on their linkage. "Come on Harry! Pleeeeeeezzze!"

Dumbledore ordered "Release Miss Abbott at once."

"Sure Professor." The Gryffindor replied, not showing a hint of strain….right up to the moment as everyone in earshot heard the sickening crunch. He shoved her away, pushing on the fractured hand and sneered "Don't touch me again you junior Death Eater."

Hannah screeched as pain lanced through her whole arm. She was on her knees, whimpering as her Head rushed around to comfort her "There there Madam Pomfrey can fix that with a flick. And Potter, I will have you know Miss Abbott is the finest of Hufflepuffs."

"Ehh…that's what you said about Pettigrew. Some Gryff he turned out to be." Harry glared at his Head "All this because I wouldn't date some stupid bitch who wore Potter Stinks badges. Right Bones? Well, fuck you and your overgrown tits."

Susan blushed redder than her hair. Though shy, she enjoyed the attention her figure drew…..but, not like that. She growled "No one humiliates me like that."

"Wait'll my auntie hears of this!" Harry sneered, passably mocking Draco.


	138. Chapter 138:I Trust Severus 2

**[a/n]** Sequel to #71 requested by _The Divine Writer_

 **Harry Does Different ZzzzZo**

I Trust Severus 2

"I will only reveal that if I have an Unbreakable Oath from each and every person in this room to not reveal or act on that knowledge in any way, shape or form." Declared the Headmaster.

Loyal members of the Order of the Phoenix for a couple decades, almost everyone in the room instantly complied without question. Even, at their parents' glare, did the Weasley children. To every apparent seeming, Harry obeyed the Leader of the Light as well. "I, _, swear on my magic not to reveal or act upon the revelations of Albus Dumbledore at this time. So mote it be."

"Headmaster!" exclaimed Snape.

And they listened as he explained "During the summer of 1981, I interviewed Sybil Trelawney for the post of Professor of Divination. Severus overheard Sybil give a prophecy identifying the unborn Harry or Neville Longbottom as the one who would destroy the then unstoppable Voldemort. Severus revealed this to Voldemort, then realized he painted a target on his childhood friend…..your Mother, Harry. From then on, he spied for the Order."

"THIS FUCKER KILLED JAMES AND LILY!" raged Sirius, whipping out his wand "AVAD-"

Harry pushed his Godfather's wand away and growled "Get out! Get the hell out! Both of you! Before I help him kill-GO! SIRIUS! You'd lose your magic!"

"For now that would be best. Come Severus." Said Dumbledore. And, he decided cooler heads would prevail if neither of them appeared at Grimmauld for the rest of the summer. This was an eminently wise decision. Even, after a lengthy private discussion, the two Marauders allowed themselves to be appeased by Harry.

Abcij

Molly embraced her seventh son warmly on Platform 9¾, but scolded him rather firmly "You'll keep your distance and not antagonize Professor Snape."

"Yes, Mrs. Weasley." Promised Harry with a long-suffering tone "Just like everyone else, I made an oath. And Professor Dumbledore's letter said it was for the Greater Good.

She kissed his cheek and praised him "That's a good boy. Well, on the train with you."

Abcij

"Susan Bones! Just who I was looking for!" exclaimed Harry as he was pushing between cars "And, no surprise, Hannah Abbott accompanying."

As the one addressed, the redhead quipped "No less surprising than your usual partners in crime. Where is the rest of the Golden Trio?"

"Let's just say they made a promise I didn't." he answered, a little obliquely "I'd like to invite you to Hogsmeade. Sort of a celebration of a little justice. Just one small favor I need your Aunt Amelia to arrest Professor Snape."

Both girls gasped and Susan wanted to know "On what charge?"

"Well, Dumbledore got Snape off charges of being a Death Eater, but he admitted….over the summer…to Snape setting my parents up to be murdered by Voldemort. As I see it, that makes him just as guilty as if he'd Avadaed them." Harry explained his case.

To that, Susan nodded "Well, I expect to be treated during our date. And, if you let me borrow your owl, I think I can promise Auntie will be at the Welcoming Feast."

Abcij

"Zeller, Gordon." Professor McGonagall announced.

And the last new First Year was sorted into "HUFFLEPUFF!"

"To all our new students, I bid welcome." Said the Headmaster in his grandfatherly tone "And a reminder that the Forbidden Forest is called that for a reason. A change in the staff this year, Professor Snape has graciously consented to assume the role of Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor. And please welcome back Professor Horace Slughorn who is resuming his role as Potions Professor."

From the back came "I must apologize, Headmaster, but the Department of Magical Law Enforcement has business with Mr. Snape."

"Sorry, Amelia, do you not mean Professor Snape?" asked Dumbledore "Good evening Percival, Cormac, Mary Lou. An unusual selection of the Ministry's finest. To confront educators in a schoolful of pupils, eh?"

The quartet of Aurors moved like lightning, in the wink of an eye the new Defense Professor was disarmed, cuffed and stuffed. The Head of the DMLE spoke the charges "Severus Snape you are under arrest for the murder of James and Lily Potter, the attempted murder of Harry Potter; conspiracy in the torture and attempted murder of Frank and Alice Longbottom, assault on Neville Longbottom, the violent burglary of the Longbottom Estate."

"Who dares? I have a Statute guaranteed right to know my accuser!" the now secured suspect roared, struggling against both his bonds and captors.

Harry proudly jumps out of his seat, climbs onto the Gryffindor table, pounds his chest and declares "ME!"

"Harry! You swore an Unbreakable not to tell on Professor Snape! It'll take your magic! Maybe your life!" Hermione looked up at her friend in shock and alarm. The older Gryffindors gasped, knowing what it meant.

He did a brief jig on the table, pulled his wand, cast "Lumos!" Grinned as the tip lit bright as always "Nox!" And as the prisoner was dragged past, he spat contemptuously "See ya in court Snivilus!"

"Harry, we will need to clear Professor Snape of this little error as soon as possible." Said Dumbledore, flanked by the other House Heads "However, of immediate concern is exactly how you managed to retain your magic after breaking an Unbreakable."

Giving an insolent shrug, he answered "Simple. I didn't. I never took the Oath. I held up my wand, whispered the light spell so my wand glowed when everyone else's did."

"You lied. I am very disappointed in you, Harry." The Headmaster scolded him.

The boy took a celebratory flip off the table, conveniently landing beside Susan, grinned at her, squeezed her shoulder and commented "I had help."

"Err… thanks." She replied with a blush.

Her stern aunt interjected "Now. I assume I can see this incontrovertible proof of Mr. Snape's guilt?"

"A memory" replied Harry "of Professor Dumbledore himself explaining exactly how Snivilus setup both my and Neville's parents. Ma'am, do I have your blessing to take your niece out on a date? I do sort of owe her for getting you here so fast." He frankly looked entirely too pleased with himself.


	139. Chapter 139:Flying Car

**Harry Does Different ZzzzZp**

Flying Car

"We missed the train!" a horrified Ron exclaimed.

Harry was just as panicked as his redhaired friend "What'll we do?! The barrier doesn't block magicals!"

"No problem Harry, we can just fly Dad's car to Hogwarts." Ron offered, brightly.

Harry nodded, somewhat reluctantly, and both young wizards rushed out of the train station to Mr. Weasley's Ford Anglia. By the time they put their luggage back in the car, Harry was having second thoughts "I'm not so sure this is a good idea."

"Oh come on Harry!" exclaimed the redhead boy "It's a piece of cake! All we hafta to is follow the train!"

The bespectacled boy shook his head, reached in and opened up his owl cage "Come on, Hedwig. I have a mission for you."

"Let's go Harry. I'm ready to go. Get in." Ron insisted, closing the driver's side door.

Harry shook his head "Wait here. I'm gonna send Hedwig to Hogwarts with a letter for Professor McGonagall. There must be a way she can help."

"Fine then. I'm gone." Declared Ron. He turned the car on, shifted in the flying gear and took off, leaving Harry and Hedwig trunkless in the station parking lot.

A couple squeaked in alarm, the woman screeched and pointed "Look at that! A flying car!"

Harry looked right at it, shrugged nonchalantly and replied "I don't see anything. Maybe your glasses are dirty." Then it really was gone. He walked to a fairly isolated corner of the parking lot and wrote his letter "There. Off you go! Thanks Hedwig!"

The snowy owl squawked her agreement and quickly disappeared against the cloudy sky.

"Mr. Potter, you seem to run into no end of problems." Professor McGonagall appeared in the food court several hours later.

Having just finished a second Big Mac meal, Harry finished sucking on the last of a Coke and grinned contentedly "Not my fault, ma'am. Really. We were blocked from getting to 9¾. We crashed into the post like it was nonmagical."

"Your letter did not mention anyone else. Who do? Let me guess….Mr. Weasley. Where is he?" the professor quickly came to the obvious conclusion.

Harry scratched the back of his neck, nervously before admitting "Well, you see, Ron thought he could just follow the Express in his Dad's flying car."

"Of all the irresponsible! OH!" she complained "I will clearly be addressing this when I see your friend. As for you, Mr. Potter, I am singularly impressed with your conduct in this affair. 25 points to Gryffindor. Now, to get us to Hogwarts. Are you familiar with Apparation? No? A magical way to travel, however it is somewhat unnerving the first time. I have heard it described as comparable to pulling your body through your belly button."

Harry coughed a bit, took her outstretched hand then nodded "Ready." A few seconds later, on Hogwarts' grounds within easy walking distance of the castle, Harry gasped "Well, that's about right Professor."

"Quite, you bore up well. Come along then. To the Great Hall with you." She ordered.

Abcij

The flying car was quite difficult for the young redhead to control, it seemed to have its own personality. In general Ron did manage to keep it on pace with The Express, but instead of letting him off with the rest of the children at Hogsmeade the Anglia flew right on to the castle. Sorting was just beginning when lights glared in from outside and he was quite unceremoniously jettisoned through the stained glass window. This was right beside the Slytherin Table, coincidentally showering Draco Malfoy, Vince Crabbe, Greg Goyle and Pansy Parkinson with glass.

"Idiot weasel!" shouted the Malfoy heir as he dove for the cover offered by the twin towers.

The twins, followed by a still unSorted Ginny, then Harry and lastly an irritated Percy ran over "Alright there Ron?" they asked almost as one.

"I'd be fine if it wasn't for my stupid ex-friend." Ron pushed his way to his feet glaring at Harry "Bloody foul git! Abandoning me to get here on my own!"

Hermione automatically exclaimed "Ronald! Language!"

"Not my Mum, Mione!" the staggering boy shot back.

She retorted coldly "That is HERR—MY-OHH—KNEE!"

"And you know I don't like _Ronald_." He grumbled.

Brushing off shards of glass, Draco chuckled "Looks like the Golden Gryffindor Trio ain't so gold after all."

"SHUT UP MALFOY!" all except Percy, and the arriving professors yelled.

"Come on Harry! You see my point!" Ron complained.

That drew interested look, to which he gave a shrug "Last thing I heard, _mate_ , I was an ex-friend. C'ya round."

"Potter, Weasley, these stained glass windows are centuries old." Professor Snape sneered "No doubt you will avoid expulsion, but this will cost you each a hundred points and detention for the entire year."

Ron looked like he was trying to reswallow his heart. Harry's jaw tried to hit his tie and complained "What?! Professor McGonagall! How does he figure that?!"

"Whenever Potter or Weasley break school rules the other is always involved. It is ALWAYS a case of Potter AND Weasley." Was the logic train of the Head of Slytherin. Most of his House offered giggles of approval, after all no way for their chief rivals to recover from such a large and early deduction.

Harry didn't react to them. He did turn to HIS Head "Professor! He can't be serious! I wasn't even with Weasley. I couldn't have broke them. You know that, I was with you. I was HERE when he crashed in."

"Given the circumstances, I must agree with Mr. Potter." Said McGonagall "And, Professor Snape, I will handle the disciplining of my Gryffindors in this matter."

To this everyone in the Great Hall looked stunned. Someone had ACTUALLY stood up to Professor Snape! It was not something ever witnessed, even heard of.

"Everyone will please return to their respective tables." Professor Dumbledore announced from his podium in front of the Head Table. "Professor Snape, Professor McGonagall we must speak privately."

Abcij

The next morning Ron and Harry were NOT sitting together at breakfast. The Head of Gryffindor took note of that, wondered what would become of it, but addressed the important topic "Weasley, your punishment has been amended. You will have 30 days detention. Your first, with me after supper tonight. in which you will write a letter to your parents detailing your actions yesterday. I have decided the point deduction of Professor Snape's will be halved. You may consider this a probation, however, as I may decide to reimpose Professor Snape's terms if you do not perform satisfactorily this term."

"But that's totally unfair! I wasn't even in school yet!" complained Ron.

She nodded at him "Very well, Mr. Weasley, your second detention will be a lecture on the purpose of detention. Then you will both write a report on the matter and present it to the school during Sunday study hall. Here is your schedule. Mr. Potter, Professor Snape did not have all the facts last night, as a result you have been pardoned."

"No apology, I suppose." He muttered under his breath.

Her eyes narrowed as she warned "Insolence. Now, back, everyone, to breakfast."

"Foul git." Ron growled at his former friend.

Harry shot back "You mean for not flying through a window? That's your opinion."

Every nearby Gryffindor became VERY interested in their breakfast.


	140. Chapter 140:The Spy 2

**Harry Does Different ZzzzZq**

 **[a/n]** Sequel to #100

The Spy 2

"Now, Harry, I trust you'll listen to all your Professors and do your best in class." Mrs. Weasley was patting the bespectacled teen on the shoulder at Platform 9¾.

Despite the mob of redheads around her, Harry shot back "You've made your position clear on Snape and honestly I don't care. He insults me in school, he's getting it right back. Sirius gave me lots of material and Snivilus is just my first shot."

"Now you listen to me Harry James Potter!" she immediately took to wagging her finger, invoking all her parental authority "I will see you grounded this summer if I hear of any disrespect to Professor Snape!"

He pulled away and said, with restrained politeness "Mrs. Weasley, thank you for letting me stay at the Burrow, but you're not my mother. Sirius told me not to start anything, just finish it."

"That is no attitude for a responsible parent to take, and I will be speaking to him. You can bet your sweet bippies on that. And you will see a grounding for your disrespect to me just now." She ruled imperiously.

Harry turned away from her "Sending me to bed without dinner, Mrs. Dursley? Oops, I meant Weasley?"

"That was plain rude, mate." Ron declared as soon as they closed the compartment door "No one talks to Mum like that."

Harry bit back a really angry retort, looked out the compartment window as the Express pulled out, and counted to ten before replying "So? You're opposed to giving Snape what for?"

"No, but this is about my Mum." The redhead complained.

Harry nodded, snapped his fingers and exclaimed "Exactly! Now, suppose Snape called her an arrogant toe rag!"

"I'd slap the greasy git!" Ron retorted.

Hermione slapped him in the belly and scolded "Language Ronald! And Harry I will be highly disappointed in you if you start an argument with Professor Snape."

"Did you forget?" Harry pierced her with a glare "Let me remind you, it was October and our resident werewolf needed a day off. Snivilus shut all the classroom windows and began the lesson. You answered his question, and he called you what?"

She sighed and admitted "Well, yeah that wasn't very nice. But-"

"But what, Hermione?" he demanded "It all starts out like Draco, insulting us. He'll grow up to become Snape and Snape'll grow up to become Voldemort."

Hermione took a second to think about that but still complained "You shouldn't even say negative things about a professor. You risk getting into the habit then something will slip out at the wrong time."

"Did you lot say something nasty about Professor Snape?" the door slammed open and Draco Malfoy avec goons stepped in.

Harry didn't have the patience for it, he shoved all three out the door, snapped "Go kiss Snivilus' arse, Malfoy." And slammed the door. When his nemesis cried out in pain, smirked down at him "Watch your foot, Malfoy." And slammed the door again.

"Proved my point" Hermione crossed her arms over her chest "You used THAT word for Professor Snape."

Ron's anger on behalf of Mrs. Weasley forgotten, he gave her shoulder a light slap and admonished "Oh, lighten up Mione!"

"That is NOT my name Ronald!" she snapped.

To which he retorted "I might remember that when you try RON!"

"Back to flirting, I see." Harry quipped as he laced his fingers behind his head and closed his eyes. He didn't need them to see their stunned expressions anyway.

There were little hints at the Opening Feast, a hostile glare, a nudge. As dinner wrapped up the Firsties were led away by the Prefects which led to Harry being alone. Professor McGonagall signaled for his attention "A word Mr. Potter, Professor Dumbledore has informed me of an incident between yourself and Professor Snape this summer. I trust you will behave with utmost decorum...in ALL your classes, you catch my meaning."

"Oh, I do, Professor." He readily agreed "And, as I told them, I will treat him EXACTLY as he treats me. I won't take him insulting me, or my parents, any more."

She sniffed imperiously "Potter, you will find Hogwarts does not respond well to ultimatums issued by students."

"Up until I got here, I thought my Mum was a cheap whore and my Dad was a boozing layabout." His face twisted in anger "My parents are heroes! And I WILL NOT HAVE THEM **INSULTED**!"

A spike of anger stabbed at the Deputy Headmistress behind her professional mask. How dare those Muggles spread lies about James and Lily Potter? There was school discipline though "That, Potter, is between you and your family."

"Family!" he spat.

"Do not interrupt." She ordered brusquely "Now, Professor Snape is a Hogwarts teacher, due all the respect of that title. I require all Gryffindors to act on that accordingly. Potter, in spite of your mischievous tendencies I have noticed a distinct code you operate under. I would like your word you will do nothing to antagonize Professor Snape."

Harry shook his head "No, Professor, I can't make that promise."

"You mean won't?" she countered in a clipped tone.

He didn't answer that, merely pointed out "I do have Charms to get to. May I go?" He took her silence as permission.

Abcij

Potions was as usual. Ron was paired with Harry, Hermione with Susan Bones. As soon as the Potion assignment materialized on the board pairs got to work. Silence was the order of the day. Strengthening Solution had one ingredient that caught Harry's eye particularly and he very quietly spoke to Ron "Infusion of Wormwood? Hmpf. And I was supposed to know that first day?"

"Back to work!" snarled Professor Snape who was suddenly behind the brewer. He seized the back of Harry's neck and pushed it closer to his cauldron.

It was a reflex, honest, it wasn't intentional. Harry spun around, lashing out catching the professor right in the nose. Which instantly squirted blood. Initially regretful, he exclaimed "Oh Professor! I'm sorry!"

"Don't touch me Potter! Hitting a teacher? Something even your swine father wouldn't dare do!" he growled hatefully.

Draco nudged Goyle and snickered "Gonna get it now Potter."

"Well, maybe Dad had a decent Potion teacher…" Harry paused on that, making sure he had all the class' attention, then added with a smile "….Snivilus."

What little color was there, vanished from the professor's face. Amazingly, he choked down his fury, speaking in a tightly controlled manner "Your puerile insult means nothing to me, Potter. However, that will be fifty points from Gryffindor. Plus an additional fifty points for striking a teacher. Further one month detention, every day after supper…with me…personally. Now get out of my classroom, that will be a zero for the day."

"Thought it was my class." Harry shot back as he headed for the door "After all, my tuition pays for it. And your salary, Snivilus."

abcij

By supper, the school was buzzing about the confrontation. In twinspeak, Ron's brothers declared "You Harry Potter are no longer The-Boy-Who-Lived you are The-Boy-Who-Slugged-Snape!" There was a muted cheering among the assembled Gryffindors. By the time the meal ended most everyone had got on with their lives. Many of the Ravenclaws off to study, Hermione was about to follow suit "Hold on." Harry touched her shoulder "guess I'll join you. Flitwick's essay."

"But, Harry, what about Professor Snape's detention?" the troubled prefect asked.

He led her by the hand, noting even Ron joining the procession said "You forget, Snape hit me first. I just defended myself, and I warned Dumbledore I wouldn't tolerate Snivilus insulting my family anymore. I meant it. Now, let's go study."

"I really wish you wouldn't use that." Hermione chastised "Did you see how angry it made him?"

He was utterly unrepentant "If you don't think the greasy git calling you an Insufferable-Know-It-All, him calling my Dad a swine IS enough for me."

"Mr. Potter, you will please join me." Ordered Professor from across the library, loud enough for the whole room to hear "Mr. Weasley can carry your books to your room."

abcij

Harry followed as she quick-marched through the school. Looks from students of assorted Houses, he shrugged off. But, as he realized they were heading to the Headmaster's office, he did lick his lips nervously.

"Enter…ahh…Professor McGonagall, Harry do come in." Dumbledore was seated behind his desk. The Potion Master was in one seat, the Head of Gryffindor took the other, Harry was forced to stand. "I am deeply disappointed, Harry. I was under the impression we settled this at HQ."

The boy nodded, seemingly meekly, but answered "Yes, Professor, I made it clear Snivilus didn't get to insult my family any more."

"That will be another fifty points from you, Potter." Severus growled.

Harry shrugged "Get used to it Snivilus. I want an apology for constantly insulting me. I don't pay thousands of Galleons tuition to be insulted."

"Harry, a Hogwarts Professorship is a highly prestigious post, worthy of great respect." Lectured Dumbledore "A professor without a student's respect cannot function properly. You robbed Professor Snape of that today. You further damaged his reputation by deliberately defying a lawfully assigned detention."

After a calming breath, the student retorted "I'm not doing a detention for defending myself and my family."

"Potter, the correct procedure is to bring any difficulty with a professor to your Head of House." Professor McGonagall pointed out.

This, Harry was ready for "Three First Years came to you one day, Professor. Remember? Someone was going to steal the Sorcerer's Stone. Go back to your room, you told them. Snivilus has been after me since first day when he expected me to know ingredients we're just learning about now."

"Harry, I expect you to publicly apologize to Professor Snape." Ruled Dumbledore "In exchange, in recognition of your troubling summer I will half the point deductions to Gryffindor."

Severus put in "I protest you pandering to this brat's overgrown ego, Headmaster."

"I protest Snivilus calling me a brat!" Harry slapped his hand on the desk.

Minerva had been considering her actions of years ago, decided Harry had something of a point at least "Headmaster, I do find it disturbing. Mr. Potter has a point, we have just witnessed Professor Snape insulting Mr. Potter. There should be a peaceful way out of this."

"Yeah, like he apologizes…publicly, as you say…Headmaster…for EVERY time he ever insulted me. PUBLICLY retracts the detention he gave me after insulting my father, AND—" Harry was well into his demands.

Albus cut him off "Silence! You may choose, Harry, between apologizing and serving every detention Professor Snape has assigned. With rescheduling allowed for Quidditch… or suspension from playing."

"The choice between my family and a game is an easy one." Harry declared. Reaching into his pocket, be brought out a gold badge marked with a Q and handed it to the Deputy Headmistress. Walking out he added "I'm sure we'll be doing this again."

Abcij

Back in the Gryffindor Common Room, with the notable exception of the Weasley twins, Harry was not very warmly received. Much of the House were quite annoyed with him over the mass-loss of points. So he felt no pang of regret announcing "Dumbledore told me I was off the team until I apologized to Snivilus."

"Well, you apologized? Didn't you Potter?" asked Angelina, callously.

He snorted, disgusted "My Dad rates higher than YOUR Quidditch career Johnson. No, I quit."

"WHAT!" she raged "Why's it even matter? He's dead."

Harry didn't reply, verbally, he walked up to nose to nose with the older girl….sneered, and backhanded her. Sprawled on the floor, she pulled her wand. He stomped on her hand incidentally snapping it. And walked off but not without speculating "Maybe he'll call your Mum a Mudblood. You okay with that?"

Abcij

"You are The-Boy-Who-Lived, Harry Potter, have you never considered making use of that in your troubles with Professor Snivilus?" it was Luna Lovegood, with her airy way of addressing issues.

He blinked at her, a little stunned "Do you have something against him?"

"Perhaps." She answered "How about an interview with _The Quibbler_?"

To that, he frowned "I don't much care for reporters."

"I am a fully credentialed member of Daddy's staff." Luna assured him "Now, why don't you tell me everything you know?" She had, in short, scored the biggest news coup of the year. Lovegood presses couldn't keep up with the demand for copies.

It only took a couple days for the Howlers to start.

YOU LET THAT HATEFUL MAN ABUSE THAT HEROIC BOY!

CARRYING A SCHOOLBOY GRUDGE - I AM TOTALLY DISGUSTED!

I SAW THAT GREASY GIT CALL HIS MOTHER A MUDBLOOD! ALL SHE TRIED TO DO WAS HELP!

WELL HAVE HIS JOB! IF NOT HIS HEAD!

And so on. It took less than a week. In the face of mounting protests the Headmaster had no choice but to terminate the problematic professor. Reaction in the Great Hall to the announcement Professor Snape was pursuing other career opportunities was interesting. Of greater interest, though unwitnessed, was a conference held some hours later.

"I trust you are pleased with yourself, Harry?" asked Dumbledore in a forced neutral tone.

The student paused thoughtfully, especially in the face of clear hostility radiating from the schools top officials, then answered "I expected he'd finally treat me decent, but I guess his hate was more important than his job."

"A caution, Harry, in Professor Snape you have likely made a permanent and potent enemy." Warned Dumbledore.

To that, the teen shrugged "Snivilus is nothing compared to Voldemort. Besides he's been my enemy since he called Dad a swine and Mum a Mudblood."

"Moving on, Potter." Offered the Head of Gryffindor with a smile "I am normally averse to be seen rewarding bad behavior. That said, I have prevailed upon Professor Dumbledore to lift your Quidditch suspension effective immediately."

Harry gave a pleased grin, which quickly faded "No. Professor McGonagall, it was my favorite thing in Hogwarts. But, he took it way to back a petty bully. How do I know it won't happen again? And with Johnson as captain? After the way she belittled my parents' murder. No. I don't want it. We done?"

"Off you go, Harry." The Headmaster dismissed the student perfunctorily. As the boy departed the professors exchanged astonished looks.


	141. Chapter 141:Daisy Dursley the Freak

**[a/n]** A common story of Dudley makes a magical. This where he lives up to his father's example. Next time, he's changed.

 **Harry Does Different ZzzzZr**

Daisy Dursley the Freak

"Ed? Lils? Have either of you seen Hedwig?" the adult Harry Potter asked of his oldest children, both Hogwarts age. The full name of the bird he was referring to was actually Hedwig the Third, as the fairly young snowy is the granddaughter of Hagrid's original gift.

The girl ignored the question in favor of diving smoothly into the large family pool. The boy, just sunning himself, propped up on his elbows and replied "Don't know, Dad, she took off sou-by-southwest a couple hours ago. What's up?"

"Nothing important, just wanted to send Auntie Amelia a reminder of the Hogwarts trip." Said Harry with a shrug. He frowned as his 13-year old daughter walked toward him from the far end of the pool. She had every bit of her mother's figure, but none of her shyness. He summoned a towel and wrapped it around her. "Less skin young lady."

She rolled her eyes at him as she walked by "Oh Daddy! You're so 1980!"

"Nothing doing Lillian Amelia Potter." He scolded "I don't want to see that much of you."

Just entering puberty and without a filter, the younger Potter giggled "Oh, all my friends would love it."

"Edgar!" she squealed in embarrassment.

Harry made a mental note to give his oldest son a talking to as the AWOL owl dove out of the clouds. "What have you got there, Hedwig? Don't recognize the handwriting. Ed, give her a cleaning…You can still get a burn helping out."

 **Potter**

"Well, that's an auspicious start." He commented dryly.

Lily had a hold of his arm, and curious, demanded "Who's it from?"

 **I'm sure you're as surprised to be reading this as I was at the need to write it. One of those damnable envelopes was in my mail this morning. Filius Flitwick? Minerva McGonagall? Does your kind do nothing but alliteration? Be that as it may, the Dursley genes came up short and Mother's side won out. Father is livid. Threatening to disinherit me and leave the whole thing to St. Brutus'. I'll not have it. This situation is your fault and I expect you to do something about it, nor will I wait long before acting.**

 **Dudley Vernon Dursley**

"Lily, help your brother with Hedwig." Ordered Harry gruffly "Then both of you help Dobby make up one of the extra bedrooms. I suspect we'll be having company, don't know boy or girl. Hedwig, come to the kitchen when you're ready. I'll be sending a reply."

The owl squawked a somewhat unhappy affirmative and the kids knew better than to argue with their father, just going about complying with his wishes.

"I'm so jealous." Harry quipped, as he tickled the toddler's chin [who was contentedly sucking on Mummy's right breast] Then simultaneously kissed his wife's temple and touched fists with the boy in the highchair who was getting about half his food in his mouth "So, sweetie, how would you feel about another mouth to feed?"

In response to his opening shot, she pinched his arm, to the other a quizzical observation "It's usually the witch with that line. Harry, is there something you need to tell me?"

"Hilarious Sue." He gave it the chuckle it deserved "No, Hedwig just brought this letter from you-won't-believe-who."

Susan Bones-Potter read the Muggle-written document with increasing wrath "We know people, Harry. Auntie, the Minister, Aurors. We won't even need bribery to cover it up. With who we know there won't be ANY evidence.,"

"Careful Suzy" he laughed, using her pet name "Very unhufflepuff of you. And Harry is almost old enough to be getting ideas. So? We have plenty of room?"

She nodded "Of course. But I will write that letter. You're not angry enough"

 **Dursley**

 **We have arrangements to make for our children. We shall arrive at precisely 7PM tonite. If anyone even thinks of harming the child I will make you all beg for death. And I promise you I will not only be cleared of any wrongdoing, I will be given the magical Victoria Cross for doing it. I know all the right people, my Aunt is our army commander. To say nothing of my husband's influence in our government. Be afraid. Be VERY afraid.**

 **Countess Susan Potter**

 **Ps…The same warning applies to Hedwig. Don't even think it.**

"The nerve of that hussy!" snapped Vernon, who flung a newspaper at the owl. The years hadn't been kind to Harry's uncle. A massive heart attack forced his early retirement [though with excellent pension and benefits] from Grunnings. He had to use a walker to get around.

The snowy owl squawked her indignation, took off, dropped a load on the semi-disabled man and flew out the window. After another drop on his BMW, she soared away.

"Poppy?" asked a timid girl who wanted nothing more than her grandfather's love back. She presented a sharp contrast, a bit on the heavy side and the product of a bit of pampering. That changed with the arrival of 'that ruddy bird' A bruise marred her hip result of an 'accident' on the stairs "Here, Poppy, a paper towel."

Vernon glared at her, backhanded her across the face and shouted "FREAK GIRL! A DRY CLOTH IS USELESS TO ME! SO ARE YOU! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT! NO! GET ME A WET CLOTH AND THEN GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!"

"Sorry Poppy." She sobbed, ran to the kitchen and complied. And stood there, meekly at her grandfather's chair.

Mum, who was suddenly Mother, gave an angry glare "Well? Weren't you ordered out of here, girl? The poor man has enough stress without looking at a freak."

"Dad?" Until this nightmare, she was always Daddy's Little Girl. She didn't even bother with Grandmother, who never really liked her anyway.

Dudley poked the brat with his Smeltings stick and ordered harshly "Cupboard! Now, freak!"

"But it's not my fault!" she screamed, and a lightbulb and small mirror beside Poppy shattered.

Mother grabbed her arm and flung her into the hallway, yelling "Get in that cupboard Freak!" The tension in #4 Privet Dr. abated not at all over the next three hours.

Abcij

Harry and Susan discussed the situation with their children over supper, smiled at their welcoming attitude toward a new inhabitant of their castle. A Floo call brought a small troop of Weasleys over. There was a commingling of greetings. Clothes came off and the pool turned into a water war. Ron joined that after adult greetings while Hermione listened to the situation her friends found themselves in. Afterward she observed bluntly "Well, clearly, the fruit didn't fall far from the tree."

"I'll not leave a magical child in their hateful hands!" growled Susan.

Hermione nodded, taking little Harry from his father "I'd go with you if I didn't have seven children to watch. Fortunately, I figured something like this as soon as you told me. In my bag is standard Ministry form 44, Magical Guardianship of a Muggleborn. Get your cousin and his wife to sign and that will make him or her your ward here. I'll have to get the adoption application when I go in on Monday. That's a longer process."

"Oh, I'm sure I can cut through the red tape." Susan assured them.

Harry sniggered "Wouldn't wanna be big D."

"There are checks and balances, Susan." Hermione warned, a stiffness in her tone "I can guarantee I won't be the case worker. There must not be even the APPEARANCE of Muggle Baiting. They will be checked for any type of compulsion spells. I can't believe I'm saying this, but Harry please control her. I'd go too, but-"

Harry laughed more this time "Yeah, don't think I didn't notice you including Ron in that count. Just make sure the place is still here when we get back. Thanks." He squeezed her hand before taking Susan's and disapparating.

Abcij

"I am not joking, Dudley." Vernon growled "I'll not pollute the family with Potter's unnaturalness."

His daughter-in-law, a platinum blonde whose looks closely aligned with her father, sneered "Heredity is from both sides, Vernon. Mine is an old Pureblood that disowned me, you forget. I hate that society as much as you do, but it's your wife's family."

"And yours. Boy! You never should've married her!" the older Dursley attacked both of them.

Just as angry, Dudley retorted "Well maybe you should blame yourself for marrying Mum!" That was when the doorbell rang.

"No, Sue, you CANNOT blast the door." An exasperated Harry pushed his wife's wand hand down.

She glared "Fine. Acidum will dissolve the door. No suspicious explosion. It'll just disappear."

"Potter." The door opened, it was Dudley "So this is your fake noble lady? I ain't impressed."

Susan gave a disgusted snort and fired back "No wonder Harry was always scrawny, you ate his share too."

"You'd do well to remember we don't have to worry about magic use, Dudders." Harry pointed out "Now, your letter wasn't even courteous to give a name. So, introduce us to the child. We can, hopefully, do this quickly. I don't want to be here any more than you want me here."

Dudley turned and shouted "Daisy! Get your freak arse out here. No reason to pollute much of the house, or ex—"

"Oh, tell me you didn't!" Harry whispered, desperately holding onto a virtual volcano. He saw a girl coming out of his old cupboard. The clothes, what little there were, were grimy and so was the child. Under it all was a cute, platinum blonde child whose face was full of sadness "You broke her. Your own daughter you bloody bastard! If we were alone, I'd kill you."

Out of the living room came a woman who was simply an adult version of the girl. In every line and feature, there was just no doubt of the mother/daughter relationship "So here he is, famous Harry Potter." She strutted, ignoring the young girl.

"Wow, if I didn't know better-" began Harry

Susan, upon seeing the clearly mistreated child, had rushed over shrugged off her corduroy jacket and draped it over her shoulders snapping the top button. Offering a kind face to the child, her voice turned harsh "Well well well Anastasia Malfoy. Following in Daddy's footsteps, are you?"

"It's Dursley now. And I'm glad to be rid of that freak name." she countered "And who are you? Other than an obvious golddigger?"

Susan sneered, but turned to her husband "Harry, meet the Squib sister of your school nemesis. We were all a little surprised back in First Year when Draco didn't have a protectress."

"Oh, you know the little snot?" Ana asked curiously.

Harry looked away "There was an…incident…at school. He's dead."

"Did you have something to do with it?" she asked with a shrewd look. At the clear and honest denial she shrugged and dismissed the matter "Pity. I'd've thanked you for that. Moving on, my husband and I are in complete agreement. Neither of us want any involvement with your freak world. Looking back, we clearly ignored all the signs, wishful thinking obviously. We're fortunate little Vernon shows none."

Harry snorted in disgust "You named a child after that monster?"

"Don't say that!" the girl stomped her foot "I love Poppy!"

He gave her a smile, Susan quietly suggested "You're going to stay with us for a bit, dear. Why don't you show me what you're bringing, I'll show you a trick."

"You will most certainly not!" Ana shouted.

Dudley added "The freak doesn't have any things! Just like a certain OTHER freak."

"Remember the pigtail, _cousin?"_ asked Harry, making a show of twirling his wand between his fingers "Hagrid did that after three years at Hogwarts. I've had seven."

Dudley thundered to the far end of the hallway. His wife assured "He's bluffing Big D. All bluff. He'd spend a couple years in Azkaban if he did. Heard of it, Potter? Dementors?"

"Don't Harry." Ordered Susan, pushing his hand down "But, a couple points Mrs. Dursley…my husband was instrumental in destroying the Dementors. Not that Azkaban is a nice place, that said you know enough of the Pureblood system to know how much trouble we'll likely suffer." _No need to tell them how much things had really changed_.

Dudley pretended haughtiness "Never mind all that. Just take the freak and go."

"What's your name, hun?" asked Susan and when the girl answered replied "Well, alright Daisy. My that is a pretty name. Is there anything you want? Clothes? Toys? You may not be back for a while."

Daisy shook her head "Daddy said no."

"Well never you mind that, Daisy." Susan assured her, gently patting her hand "Now, where is your room? …. Upstairs? …. Of course it is. Shall we?"

Ana moved to block them from the stairs, but Harry commented in a sweet tone "Mrs. Dursley, I killed … well, you know him as You-Know-Who … You and your husband combined aren't nearly as scary. Don't interfere with my wife. Well well well don't you look like shite Vernon?"

"None of your mouth, boy!" exclaimed the older man as he made his way using a walker "Now step aside, I need to use the loo."

Harry blocked his path, smirking, then said "I should really let you shit your pants. A good payback for locking me in that cell with a bucket. But I'm not a heartless berk. My wife is collecting Daisy's things, it would be foolish of you to interrupt."

"Is that a threat, boy?" Vernon was still taller, but the heart attack had a wasting effect on him.

Unintimidated, Harry retorted "You bet."

"Poppy! It was so cool! Lookit! She shrunk the suitcase! See?" little Daisy bounced down the stairs and exclaimed happily to her grandfather.

Vernon pushed her aside uncaringly and began lumbering upstairs "Outta my way freak!"

"You are a vile, nasty, bitter, old muggle." Susan had bounded down the stairs, but seeing Harry comforting the little girl, focused on Vernon. Her wand poked into his chest forcing out a squeak of pain "And I would be doing the world a service taking you out of it."

This time, it was Harry voicing reason, ordering her "Sue! Get down here! Give them the paperwork!"

"Oh fine." Sighed the redhead witch. The first act of magic in #4 Privet Dr that night was Susan disapparating. She reappeared at the bottom of the stairs, touched the girl's now swollen cheek softly "Don't you worry. We'll heal that in a minute at home. Sign this."

Uncaring of the injured Daisy, the Dursleys inspected the scroll in much the same way one looks at bird dung on the car window. Ana demanded "So? What is this?"

"A close friend at the Ministry" Harry offered, and after a moment's thought added "So close in fact, she is watching OUR children this evening. Anyway, a simple form, all we could manage on short notice. It makes us Daisy's Magical Guardians."

Susan picked up Daisy, believing the child had enough abuse, nodded to Harry and disapparated.

"Well, now that's done, sign." Ordered Harry "And, not that we don't have the money, but I think just to get in a dig… You'll pay adoption court costs. If you don't, well I'll just have to report all the abuse you magic-hating Muggles have been dumping on a young witch."

Surprisingly, Dudley's wife actually smiled "Tell you what, Potter, here's my authorization to access the Malfoy vault. Knock yourself out. I just ask you to embarrass my former family."

"I could almost like you, Mrs. Dursley." Harry snatched the signed scroll from his cousin and vanished from Privet Dr. as effortlessly as Susan had.


	142. Chapter 142:Bella Pays

**[a/n0]** Couple comments about the name Daisy last time. Actually, I like Azalea because it's my favorite flower, but in that case a little internal commentary on hypocrisy where Dudley's letter derided magicals for alliteration in their names [eg. Minerva & Filius] yet ignoring his own. How many kids? 4- In the one quick scene meant to be a bit crazy, I had rushed intros of Lily, Edgar, a toddler & Harry Jr. Ron and Hermione brought 2 over, Harry noting that Hermione totaled 7 kids she'd be watching...counting Ron. So, as Weasleys go, a small troop.

 **[a/n]** Deathmvp suggestion

 **Harry Does Different ZzzzZs**

Bella Pays

"I killed Sirius Black! I killed Sirius Black! I killed Sirius Black!" the demented witch danced around as she fled odds even she didn't like.

Fury and hate fueled Harry's pursuit, it wasn't long before he was in range " _Crucio_!"

The spell wavered, glowed and faded with little effect "Poor Harry Potter, can't play with the grownups." She taunted him.

"You must MEAN an Unforgivable for it to work." A new voice echoed and a new presence was felt. The Dark Lord apparated onto the scene. He laughed an evil laugh

Death Eaters, Aurors, Order members, DA members all froze at the horrific sight not publicly acknowledged for over a year.

" _AVADA KEDAVRA_!" yelled Harry at the top of his lungs.

Several dozen witnesses watched the sickly green light leap from the wand of The-Boy-Who-Lived, saw it strike the fleeing cackling witch, gasped in horror as she briefly glowed green and fell. Bellatrix LeStrange didn't rise, she didn't even move after the glow faded.

" _Expelliarmus_!" an Auror fired the disarming spell at The-Boy-Who-Lived and two of her colleagues apprehended him "Harry Potter, you are under arrest. The charge is use of an Unforgivable Against a Human."

Tom Riddle wasn't a dark lord just because he was powerful, no, he was exceedingly intelligent and able to adapt rapidly to new situations. The death of his most loyal and lethal follower could be seen as a serious defeat. But a few words, if they be the right ones, could change everything. He laughed evilly "Hahaha! Well done, my young apprentice. Should you escape your current predicament, you may take your place at my side."

"You heard him yourselves!" Minister for Magic Fudge cried in alarm after the feared Dark Lord apparated away "And he killed Bellatrix LeStrange! You-Know-Who's number two! Take him right to the Veil!"

Dumbledore had arrived just as Voldemort vanished and counseled "See reason Cornelius, Harry is a boy."

"I performed _Priori Incantatum_ on the suspect's wand, Minister." The diligent Auror reported "Both the Killing Curse and the Cruciatus were found. There is no error."

Utterly shaken by the sight of feared wizard in his very foyer, but spurred by the need to seem decisive Fudge shook his head "Not this time Dumbledore. It is clear what happened. You-Know-Who's followers were fighting for supremacy. Lucky we caught them before the situation became worse. You yourself warned Azkaban isn't safe. We cannot be seen doing nothing."

"She killed Sirius! She deserved it!" Harry had broken away from the Aurors and ran toward Dumbledore.

Four Aurors got between the violent suspect and the Minister. Impressive Kingsley Shacklebolt ordered "Take him to a holding cell."

"What? Sirius Black? The mass murderer?" questioned Fudge "All the proof we need. Come come, Aurors! This is a direct order. Right to the Death Chamber. Right through the Veil. Let it be known the Ministry has no mercy even if the murderer only murdered another murderer."

Everyone who'd charged into the Ministry, most especially Harry's friends protested what they'd heard. VEHEMENTLY. The Aurors, led by the Minister for Magic himself, turned a deaf ear. When they attempted to block their progress, the students were simply stunned and left on the floor.

"Potter, there is only one sentence for using an Unforgivable…let alone two. Aurors, in my capacity as Minister for Magic, I order you to toss in the prisoner." Declared Fudge in his most officialdom of tones.

Harry couldn't even see anyone of his friends as five Aurors bodily threw him into the grey mists. It was all over in seconds. All who witnessed it simply stood there in shock, looking at each other or the peacefully undisturbed flowing mists.


	143. Chapter 143:Safest Place

**[a/n]** Got criticism saying such a thing as last time couldn't happen. Of course it could. One word - Sirius. Some legal fun.

 **Harry Does Different ZzzzZt**

Safest Place

"Hello, I'm here for my appointment." The potential litigant and his close advisor entered.

The witch who was clearly hired more for her looks than anything else paused in scratching on a scroll. She barely looked up to acknowledge them "Name?"

"Potter, Harry J." he answered, flicking up his fringe of hair to display the mark that had somewhat faded since that June day not so long ago.

THAT caught her attention. Her eyes immediately flashed to the celebrated forehead and gasped "Oh my bloody Merlin! It's hisself!"

"Language!" the associate scolded "And Granger, Hermione J."

She ignored that, much more interested in the famous visitor "Such an honor Mr. Potter! May I get you something? Coffee? Tea? Me?" she flirted, plainly bending to accentuate her substantial bosom.

"Harry hears that a hundred times on a bad day." Hermione gave a bored yawn "And he's quite attached to my bloodsister. Now, if you please?"

The secretary ignored her, gave a wink, stood and strutted…hips swaying…into the back office. She came back a minute later, again disregarded Hermione, extended a hand and invited "Right this way, sir."

"Why thank you, **ma'am**." Hermione intercepted and vigorously shook the hand. Also making a point Harry could read easily enough that she was rather older than them.

The secretary frowned at the impudent girl, disengaged the handshake rather sooner than polite then hugged the famous arm and beamed "If you need anything…ANYTHING… at all, here's my floo address." And tucked a piece of paper in his pocket. "Mr. Schuyster, Mr. Potter and associate."

"That will be all, Mrs. Lynch." The lawyer dismissed her with a wave and after the door shut "Mr. Potter…and sorry didn't get your name miss…..Please forgive Evanna, I keep her because she is brilliant at her job. She is just a little allergic to female companions of unwed males. It's nothing personal."

Hermione accepted it with a shrug "As long as it doesn't affect our business, I don't see a problem. I'm Hermione Granger."

"What I don't know she does." Offered Harry "And this is her idea."

Nodding and leaning forward behind his desk, he introduced himself "Irwin Reginald Schuyster, esq. at your service. My firm can handle most any area of the law. What brings you here?"

"Well, I'll start." Said Harry "I was told, on my first introduction to the Wizarding World …and by no less a personage than Rubeus Hagrid… except for Gringotts Hogwarts was the safest most secure place in all the world."

The lawyer stuck a cigarette into an elaborate holder and lit it, smiling he pointed out "Everyone knows this."

"I have six years of documented evidence that SHOUTS otherwise, sir." Said Hermione "And from none other than The-Boy-Who-Lived-Who-Defeated-You-Know-Who."

Harry rolled his eyes "Seriously, Mione?"

"Well, they still can't use Voldemort." She snorted elaborately, then pointed across the desk to prove the comment.

And Irwin predictably complained "Please, miss. Regardless, back to the topic at hand."

"Offering just one example from each year." Harry took this at Hermione's gesture "Dumbledore told us, First Year, to stay out of the third floor corridor or suffer a painful death. Turns out there was a Cerberus there. Second Year, three students petrified. Third Year, I nearly fell to my death thanks to Dementors invading the Quidditch Pitch. Fourth, a tournament that had been stopped due to the death toll. Fifth Year…well…one word Umbridge. Sixth, Dumbledore murdered thanks to the actions of Draco Malfoy, just another student."

The teenage witch put in "Harry and I cannot speak at first hand, but the year of Voldemort's takeover saw professors actively using Unforgivables on students and handing out House Points to those willing to curse classmates. Not to mention essentially expelling every Muggleborn."

"I see I see." Mr. Schuyster cogitated "Mrs. Lynch! Draw up the usual client contract for Mr. Potter. Defendants to include Rubeus Hagrid, the Estate of Albus Dumbledore, Hogwarts….Leave some blanks, I will work out the details on the rough draft."

She blinked, her mouth formed words and nothing came out. Finally nodded and stammering "Y-y-yes s-s-sir."

Ultimately this document was filed in Wizengamot Court

 **HARRY POTTER on behalf of the class Students of Hogwarts**

 **vs**

 **THE ESTATE OF ALBUS DUMBLEDORE, RUBEUS HAGRID, HEADMISTRESS MINERVA MCGONAGALL, THE COLLECTIVE HEADS OF HOUSES, THE STAFF OF HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY, THE BOARD OF DIRECTORS OF HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY**

 **The plaintiff seeks restitution from the defendant[s] for misappropriation of funds, support of a terrorist organization, breach of contract, false advertising, abuse of children, child mind rape, child physical rape, child endangerment [malicious and negligent] Failure of fiduciary responsibility, multiple examples of professors using their position for financial, political or other personal gain**

 **Attachments A thru Q – Supporting and incident reports**

 **Attachments 1 thru 814 – Witness statements**

 **Ministry subpoenas – OWL & NEWT Transcripts for years 1945 thru 1998 inclusive**

 **Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry subpoenas – Student grades years 1945 thru 1998 inclusive, Professor classroom commentary years 1945 thru 1998 inclusive, House Point award rolls years 1945 thru 1998 inclusive, House Point penalty rolls years 1945 thru 1998 inclusive, Detention rolls years 1945 thru 1998 inclusive, Textbook assignment lists years 1985 thru 1998 inclusive, School Asset and Liability reports years 1945 thru 1998 inclusive, School Income and Expense reports years 1945 thru 1998 inclusive**


	144. Chapter 144:Kreacher Pays

**[a/n0]** One reviewer made note of my WWF reference. IRS would make a brilliant lawyer.

 **[a/n]** Written along with Bella Pays

 **Harry Does Different ZzzzZu**

Kreacher Pays

"May I enter, Petunia?" asked the long-bearded Dumbledore.

Vernon blustered "I WILL NOT have your freakishness in MY home!"

"Well, of course, I can chat with Harry…at great length…in your front yard. Where ALL your neighbors can see." The wizard offered.

The long-faced woman bustled her husband aside rambling "Yes. Fine. Great. Whatever. Brat's been lazing himself just taking up space upstairs. Gave him a room out of the kindness of our hearts."

"You must understand, the poor boy had a very difficult year. What with his Godfather being murdered." Dumbledore began.

To that Vernon snorted "Boy threatened us with this criminal showing up if we gave him the disciplining he needs. Wait'll I get hold of him!"

"There will BE NO disturbing young Harry's grief or I will be MOST displeased." The long beard became an almost threatening object "Now, do I go upstairs, or do Harry and I have our conversation outside?...Ahh, thank you so much."

The door creaked open and a cracked voice muttered "Wah-da-u-want?"

"To offer you my heartfelt condolences, Harry." He pushed the door open and approached the threadbare bed on which the teen sprawled "And to personally bring you up-to-date on current events. Gringotts had Sirius' will, you are his sole heir."

Harry grunted "Great. I get rich, people get dead. I don't want a fucking cent."

"I can certainly appreciate the sentiment." The older wizard commiserated "But please consider, Harry, you renouncing the House of Black will see that wealth go straight to Voldemort. Sirius had no issue, just three cousins. Andromeda, who was disowned, Narcissa, who is young Draco's mother and Bellatrix wh-"

That actually got Harry out of bed "Oh! Hell NO! Anything I have to do to prevent THAT!"

"I am not surprised by your vehemence." He offered a sympathetic nod "And a last request, after which I will leave you to your mourning. Headquarters has locked itself down. As you are the heir-"

Harry waved a hand "You lot can have it for all I care."

"That would be most gratifying Harry. However, it requires your direct personal order to open. Would you summon Kreacher?" he instructed.

The young wizard frowned "He caused Sirius' death! He's no better than Pettigrew!"

"He is the only one who can lift the wards." Dumbledore pointed out.

Harry sighed "Oh fine, Kreacher!"

"Dirty nasty Halfblood made Kreacher come to filthy Muggle area." The elf spat "Kreacher can smell them!"

Almost smiling, Harry turned angry, demanded curtly "Am I Lord Black?"

"Filthy Halfblood, disgrace of Mistress' House." Answered the ancient elf.

Harry grinned nastily "I order you to give Dumbledore control of the Grimmauld wards."

"Filthy Halfblood order, Kreacher obey." He snarled.

Harry looked at the Headmaster "Need anything else from him, sir?"

"No, Harry, but you should ensure he cannot speak what he knows." Advised Dumbledore.

The teen nodded "And I think he needs to pay for his crime. Kreacher, you murdered your last master. You cannot be trusted. I want you to go across the hall and drown yourself in the loo."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the elf wailed. "Filthy Muggle house!"

Dumbledore began to add "That is a little extreme Har-"

"Dobby!" he called out, and when his friend appeared "This little traitor has been ordered to drown himself. After he's dead, I'd like you to deliver the body to Aragog's nest in the Dark Forest. Make sure you don't endanger yourself in any way."

The condemned elf wailed "NOoooo! Please! Mistress promised! Kreacher's head would be mounted!"

"Why are you still alive?" asked Harry, voice dripping contempt "Dobby, whatever honor this little traitor thinks he deserves are forfeit for murdering his master. If he doesn't obey in five minutes, feel free to help him."

Dobby looked entirely too eager "Yes sir! Harry Potter sir!"

"That was very callous, Harry." Said Dumbledore after the two elves were out of sight "He was only following orders."

To which the teen shrugged "You yourself said we couldn't trust him."


	145. Chapter 145:Splinched Hufflepuff POV

**[a/n0]** How many chapters will there be? a review asked. Don't know, I started lettering the chapters when I started not figuring I'd get to Z. Now I'm 5 times around. Originally it was just about different book scenes, but its fun to touch on some of the various fanfic themes [to date, Marriage Contracts, Lone Traveler, AUs, Girl Harri]. 200 seems achievable. I know I haven't hit every canon scene yet so I'm not at all opposed to suggestions. I even did a requested crossover with Halloween.

 **[a/n1]** Accidently posted a previous. Let's try again

 **[a/n]** A companion to ch#36 & #137. Incidents in them are discussed as if they happened between scenes.

 **Harry Does Different ZzzzZv**

Splinched Hufflepuff POV

A disconsolate redhead leaned on the crutch provided by the school hospital. It hadn't been a good day. No. Not at all. In what still amounted to thousands of days in her short life this day certainly rated in the bottom fifty, certainly, maybe the bottom ten. She had a definite physical pain, this radiating out from her left hip. The reason being her spectacular failure with Apparation class. Well, at least her leg came with her in the attempt, even if it was some ten feet away at the time. That and her subsequent rescue by the object many witches' affections, was the cause of a bruised ego and a bit of heartache. She pulled her wand, tapped the barrel-lid door in the required sequence to gain admittance.

"Suzy!" her blonde-haired best girlfriend rushed to her side aid all but carried her to an overstuffed sofa, shooing a couple of younger students to the side "Why didn't you send an elf? I would've helped you."

The redhead rolled her eyes tolerantly "Oh I'm fine, Hannah, I just needed time to think. The walk did me some good."

"Oh come on!" she chastised her friend "Shit happens, Suz. Anyone can flop a spell on the first try. Even Granger doesn't get'em all."

Susan sat painfully on the couch, putting her weight on her right buttcheek. She glanced at the pair of Firsties, saw they were interested only in their textbooks, gave a sad sigh "Oh not the least. I threw just about everything I had at Harry Potter and bounced off him like a beaten Bludger."

"Wait? What?" asked Hannah "Just how did Harry get involved in this? It's been days since I saw him outside meals and you don't have Potions until tomorrow."

Susan grunted in acknowledgement "Guess the story needs details. Right. I landed myself in a hallway, no one around, until Harry Potter boy hero saved the day. Carried me and my splinched leg to Madam Pomfrey, didn't even use a lightening spell until I mentioned it about halfway there. It was quite romantic."

"Sounds quite delightful." The blonde girl acknowledged "About time Potter took an interest. After all you shared a crib on more than one occasion."

To which, the redhead gave a glum nod "Unfortunately, Harry apparently doesn't think much of that memory. The one he DOES have a solid lock on, is the badges from Fourth Year."

"Unforgiving git, ain't he?" observed Hannah, crossing her arms "And I guess he forgets what WE lost. Minor point was Malfoy didn't give us our money back when we tried to return them. So, not just unforgiving, ungrateful too."

Susan shook her head "That doesn't really stand up to the Harry I've seen over …well, what little we've seen. It's not much outside his Gryffindor circle."

"I think he shirked his responsibility." Hannah complained "Shame on him for not reaching out. And I will have words with him."

Susan looked doubtful. Wayne Hopkins, a boy their age, encouraged "Knock em dead!"

Abcij

"Where exactly did you get the idea having a chat with a boy included slapping his face and ripping out a fistful of hair?" Susan was standing beside her friend's bed in the Hospital Wing.

Mediwitch Pomfrey appeared with an unpleasant smelling mug "None of your ribs are broken, Miss Abbott. This pain potion will ease your symptoms. You may get sleepy, so you're confined for the next six hours, after which you are free to go. Miss Bones, how is the leg?"

"Yes, Madam." Answered Hannah.

Susan gave herself a slap on the left thigh and said "Working fine. Don't even need the cane. Mostly just really scared."

"I have no direct authority. But I recommend both you girls keep your distance from Mr. Potter." The mediwitch suggested.

Susan looked as she left, then to her friend "I don't think that's all that bad an idea Han."

"He will apologize to me, mark my words." The patient countered.

The redhead just silently took the blonde's hand and held it as she drifted off.

Abcij

"Professor, a word with you in private?" Susan requested of her Head. And once they were alone in her office "Professor Sprout, I don't like that Harry Potter beat up on Hannah, but between you and me…she did have at him first."

The normally cheery Head replied "And I think Miss Abbott was punished to excess. Would you send someone to Azkaban for a Floo violation? Of course not. The correct procedure, known to all students, and certainly veterans such as yourself, or Mr. Potter, is to report an alleged assault to a Professor … or Prefect. This would particularly be the case given the place and time of the incident. No, Mr. Potter went well beyond even dignified self-defense. He owes your friend an apology, in public, as was his brutal response. But, take five points Miss Bones, for displaying a willingness to argue the other side. Dismissed."

"Yes, Ma'am. Thank you Professor." She recognized that the subject was definitely closed. "G'nite."

Abcij

"Merlin, Han, back in hospital again!" complained Susan after her friend was treated for a hairline fracture of her hand "I can tell what you did…that handshake…Did you really think you could crush his hand? Remember Ced?"

Hannah frowned at her friend "Do you remember what he said to you? Just crass. Whose side are you on?"

"Yours always." Susan replied loyally "But that doesn't mean I can't point out when you've made a mistake. I didn't tell you that story so you'd smack him. Now, his comment requires a response, BUT not from you. It's my job and I'm not doing anything until I get Auntie's answer."

Abcij

"Harry, I did correspond with my Aunt about this problem between us." Susan approached him after Potions class.

Walking on Harry's other side, Ron gave a snort "Got her pegged, Harry, just like Malfoy _I'll tell my father on you_!" he gave his imitation a highly feminine quality.

"You might be best served by leaving it alone, Bones." Hermione wasn't exactly suggesting, nor quite using her Prefect status.

The Hufflepuff gave the other redhead a 'mind your own business' look and a less than friendly glance to the Gryffindor girl, then to Harry "My Aunt ordered me to deescalate the situation. I wish to apologize for Hannah's assault."

"Thank you for that." Said Harry as the four continued down the hall "But…honestly…no. I don't accept that." He silenced the Hufflepuff's protest with a hand "You didn't hit me, she did. But you might warn your Death Eater friend I didn't even try last couple of times-"

Susan gasped "Hannah Abbott is NOT a Death Eater!"

"Then maybe she needs a St. Mungo's visit." Suggested Hermione "My observation of her is that she is psychopathically loyal to you. All Harry did was refuse a date with you. Hardly a crime. Conversely, all Harry did was defend himself from attack, for which he is punished and expected to apologize to his attacker."

Susan ignored that in favor of changing subjects "You know…Harry…Aunt Amelia raised me on stories of my parents fighting You-Know-"

"Voldemort" he cut her off gruffly.

She shivered "I'm not …can't use—"

"Just a jumble of his real name. Tom Riddle." Harry went on "If your parents fought him, you should at least be able to use his name. That just feeds his power."

Susan shrugged and went back "My point being our parents were friends. I thought we'd at least be friends, but you never seemed interested."

"And I'd know that how?" asked Harry in a bitter tone "Legilimency perhaps?"

She decided that was an opening "Well, I could tell you what my Aunt told me. Hogsmeade, Saturday?"

"I'll tell you what." He snapped impatiently "Me, Ron and Hermione will walk around for the rest of the year wearing Bones Stinks badges, then some time in spring I'll go out with you. How's that?"

She flushed and looked away, stopped walking "I'm sorry for that. We didn't know, not for weeks, and Malfoy didn't even give us our Sickles back when we did."

"Thanks for that. You're the only Puff to apologize." Acknowledged Harry, then "I'd've loved hearing about my parents. Don't know why you didn't talk to me sooner. Like even before last year. Again, no… no date. Do your attack dog a favor, I held back, she might not live next time."

Susan stiffened. She'd witnessed both incidents and there really was no way her friend could win one on one against someone who was both a powerful wizard and athlete. "I can't imagine her, or her parents, responding well to a death threat. I'll do all I can to steer her away. For the record, no, you weren't rude turning me down. But it was disappointing. Bye then." She found a lonely corner and wept a bit before heading to dinner.


	146. Chapter 146:What's a Mudblood?

**[a/n]** A comment on last time. Harry agreed to a date with Susan. Oh, yeah...….. suuuuuuuuuuuuure.

 **Harry Does Different ZzzzZw**

What's a Mudblood?

"Better in than ou" Hagrid held a bucket to the redhead's face "Why did Ron curse Malfoy?"

Harry began "Well, he called Hermione… I really don't know what it means."

"He called me a Mudblood." She sniffed.

The gentle giant gasped "He did no!"

"It means dirty blood." She went on through the exclamation "Mudblood is a real foul name for someone who is Muggleborn. Someone like me!"

Hagrid patted her hand comfortingly "And it's codswollop to boot. No a spell our 'Ermione cant do. Don't you think on it, eh? Eh?"

Except for wishing Ron's spell hadn't backfired, Harry didn't give the incident too much thought until stumbling across a library book entitled _Ancient and Noble Houses of Wizards._ In it, he learned about Purebloodism, The Twenty-Eight, and family trees. He borrowed the book and spent a great deal of his study time with it, especially after coming across his own tree. And names that were familiar to him: Weasley, Nott, Black kept popping up, Parkinson, ahh Malfoy. He drew some by hand and discovered overlapping, a lot of overlapping. Uncle Vernon had a term for that.

"What did I tell you about talking to me, you filthy little Mudblood?" Draco Malfoy hissed that following Sunday when Hermione commented that Harry beat him to the Snitch.

Harry was armed for that "Beats being an ICH, Malfoy. Well, actually ICF, see I had to clean it up to avoid a naughty word. It stands for Incestuous Cousin Humper. I'm sure you can figure out the F."

Angelina giggled and whispered to the other Chasers, who gaped. A number of the Gryffindors present also found it quite amusing, though it was necessary to explain it to certain select Housemates.

"Yeah Malfoy, I read that Abraxas Mafloy married his first cousin. Blacks married everybody cause there were so many once. Your pet Pansy, there is your second cousin. Like I said, incest." Harry concluded with a mildly victorious nod.

Only into Second Year, Draco surprised witnesses with a sudden " _Glacius_!" the blue spell raced across the room toward his nemesis. It was disappointing when the spell ended up only leaving an icy spot on the wall.

" _Rictusempra!"_ Harry countered and taunted "What're ya laughin bout Draco? What're ya laughin bout? _Rictusempra!"_

You could almost predict it, a snarl of " _Finite Incantatum_!" and an off-red light canceled out the spell. Draco's laughing faded to giggling before finally stopping. "Fifty points for assault, Potter. And detention for a week."

"But, Professor Snape! That's not fair! Draco attacked Harry first!" several Gryffindors said essentially the same thing. Protesting the unfairness.

Harry shrugged "Eh. Nothing new. We now know Malfoy's just another ICHer. Right Draco?"

"And, what… pray tell… does that mean, Potter?" the Head of Slytherin loomed menacingly over the young Gryffindor.

Harry smirked at his still recovering nemesis and answered with his new phrase "It stands for Incestuous Cousin Humper, Professor. That's what Malfoy's father and grandfather are. That-"

"Enough Potter!" commanded Snape, harshly "That will be another fifty points and another week for insulting a classmate! Now, get out of my sight!"

It took little perceived antagonism for Draco to again mouth off to Hermione, right out in the middle of study period in The Great Hall a few days later "You're not even worthy to LOOK at me you filthy Mudblood!"

"I-C-H! I-C-H!" bellowed Harry, and by now the entire school knew exactly what it meant. Others took it up as a chant "I-C-H! I-C-H! I-C-H!"

One of the Ravenclaw Prefects, a Muggleborn, declared "Better a Mudblood than an ICH!"

"An interesting sentiment, Miss Lynch." Professor Flitwick was on the scene "Both terms are offensive. EVERYONE will cease using both. Kindly return to studying."

Harry was in his Head's office, standing before her desk "This new terminology is of your invention, Potter. Kindly explain it to me."

"Malfoy constantly insults Hermione cause she's Muggleborn." Harry began diffidently enough "He uses a real foul word. So, I thought I'd look up him, see if I could return the insult. I found a book _Ancient and Noble Houses of Wizards_ it had some history, but most of all it was family trees. Lots of the ones he hangs out with are from families that just seem to marry each other generation after generation. Sometimes even brothers and sisters ** **shudder** ** My Uncle called that incest and among Muggles at least it's a crime. The term he used was Incestuous Cousin Fucker. I knew that would get anyone in trouble, so an older boy suggested Incestuous Cousin Humper."

McGonagall looked like she'd swallowed some Skelegrow "Your …candor… is quite refreshing, Mr. Potter. That you have err…edited…your Uncle's expression to something less profane is notable. It is not, however, acceptable."

"Well, forgive me, Professor then why didn't Professor Snape punish Malfoy for calling Hermione a Mudblood?" asked Harry.

She almost sighed in frustration "I hope your Muggle education included a little bit of wisdom that goes _Turn the other cheek_ , Potter."

"Every time I did that, one of the Muggles I got stuck with slapped that too." Answered Harry "Another one that fits is _What's good for the goose is good for the gander."_

She barely allowed him to finish the sentence "Yes yes Potter. My point being I do not want to see another such incident where a student is shouted down as Mr. Malfoy was today. I do not object to you defending yourself as no doubt you did not fire the first spell, that said Gryffindors…many of them much older… singling out a Second Year, that I do not hold with. Do I make myself clear?"

"Is what the book said untrue, Professor?" asked Harry.

She answered curtly "Not as such, no. But your interpretation is not something that does credit to certain members of our society. The bottom line of this discussion is, as the creator, I want to see you help stamp out the use of this term."

"What about Mudblood, Professor?" asked Harry.

To which she gave a helpless look "I regret that has been around since long before you were born. And will…no doubt… be around for many centuries more."

"Dean's a Mudblood, besides Hermione, that girl in Ron's sister's class is too." Harry had a few examples "I guess Mum was called Mudblood by the ICHers of her day. Not anyone decent like Dad, obviously."

Now, she frowned, remembering a particular incident concerning Lily Evans, James Potter and Severus Snape. One that did not need to be spread "I do know of some incidents during her years."

"So. As long as Dean and Hermione are Mudbloods, and I'm the son of one, let's see how the ICHers like it." Said Harry with finality "Maybe ICF will become more popular."

To this, she colored angry "THAT will definitely be disciplined, I promise you."

"And Mudblood?" asked Harry.

She started scratching on parchment and said "You may go, Mr. Potter."


	147. Chapter 147:Dudley's Wizard

**[a/n]** Similar cast to Daisy the freak, even the Squib Malfoy. A better Dudley.

 **Harry Does Different ZzzzZx**

Dudley's Wizard

The family of Vernon Dursley II was quite normal and quite happy. April 29, 2018 was his 11th birthday and they were all singing "Ha-apppppy biiiiiirthdayyyyyyyyyy tooooooooooooo yo-oooooo-uuuuuuuuuuu!"

"Well done, son." Dad reached over and slapped the boy on the shoulder "Now, of course, you were born at 10:02pm, which is after everyone's bedtime, so presents will wait until tomorrow."

Gramma cooed at the boy, while Granddad chortled "Don't tease him, son."

"HA! HA! HA!" Erin, Winston and Piers Dursley laughed at the miserable expression on their older brother's face.

Mum was a classic beauty with platinum blonde hair. She could've been a model and in fact was a child model and Little Miss Surrey when she was six. But her choice of high school and college activity led to a broken nose that surgery could never quite fix. It would, however, lead to meeting her husband. She effortlessly carried the burden of a substantial stack of presents, setting them down she enthused "Many happys Vern!"

"Awwwwwww! Stop Mum!" the birthday boy only half-heartedly pushed his Mother's face away.

#7 Privet Dr. wrapped up the party and Dad accompanied his parents across the street. He stayed at #4 talking Grunnings business with his father for a time. It was long after dark when he returned and he barely noticed the brown and white spotted owl sitting on his mailbox.

 **VERNON DURSLEY II**

 **THE BACK BEDROOM**

 **#7 PRIVET DR**

 **LITTLE WHINING SURREY ENGLAND**

 **HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY**

 **HEADMISTRESS: MINERVA MCGONAGALL [ORDER OF MERLIN FIRST CLASS]**

 **Dear Mr. Dursley**

 **We are pleased to inform you that you have a place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.**

 **Term begins on September 1. We await your owl no later than July 31.**

 **Yours sincerely**

 **Pomona Sprout Deputy Headmistress**

Though after his bedtime, the youngster rushed downstairs holding the parchment aloft yelling "DA—ADDDD MU-UMMMM! YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT CAME! It's a gag, right? Winston probably."

"Bloody hell!" was Dad's reaction. This, just before his eyes rolled into his head and he fell backwards; out cold.

Mum, because of her conditioning, had little trouble lifting Dad onto the couch and applying smelling salts, she was telling her son "….no doubt it's true Vernon. I am from a Wizarding family. An ancient and powerful one."

"What!" Dad spewed, bolting up on the couch "Ana! You never told me!"

She gently pushed him down "Easy Dudley easy. I'll explain, there is a whole secret society hiding among us. Most never see them, or even if you do you wouldn't be able to tell the difference. They have an ability-"

"You-you're a witch!" exclaimed Dudley.

Ana, her full name is Anastasia, explained "Actually no. I am what they call a Squib, a nonmagical from an all magical family. When I turned eleven, I did not receive the letter you did Vernon, so my parents left me at St. Brutus' Orphanage on my birthday with nothing but the clothes on my back. Didn't even say a word to me; just signed me away and walked out."

"That's horrible!" exclaimed Vernon.

Ana fondled her son's hair and patted his cheek "I'll always have you to defend me. As for you, husband, I know all your reactions. And while you were certainly shocked, you were not…in the least…surprised. Can you explain that?"

"That Christmas card we get every year." Said Dudley, he was obviously suppressing a sigh "My cousin, Harry, he's a wizard."

To this, the boy jumped "You mean? That cousin we never met? He can do magic? I'd've loved to meet him! How come we never-?"

"Harry lived with us, after his parents were murdered." Dudley struggled with not putting himself or his parents in too bad a light "Gramma Tunie and Grandpop Vernon didn't like him very much. So, Harry and me, we never had the same friends. When he went to Hogwarts…well…he was around less and less. Then, there was the war against Vold-e-something."

Ana hissed "Don't use his name! No one does!"

"Doesn't matter dear." Dudley patted her hand "He's actually really dead now. After that, I saw Harry once when he told me. We kind of buried the hatchet, but I'm not really surprised we don't see each other much. He's something like a bobbie, he wrote, and has two kids."

Ana was stunned. Her Muggle husband knew more current information about her ex-world than she did "You-Know-Who is really gone?" she gasped.

"That's a stupid name!" Vernon giggled.

Ana still had the ingrained fear so she changed the subject "Dear, why don't you write to this Harry of yours. The letter doesn't explain, stupid really for Muggleborns, but if you write thinking of him, an owl will come to take your letter to him."

"Really? I never knew." Dudley was amazed

Vernon was no less impressed "That's just wicked!" And Mum's advice held true, hardly halfway done, an almost black owl tapped on the window. He waited patiently on the kitchen table and listened intelligently to the human's directions. And off he went.

Abcij

Two days later Dudley had his parents over to finally break the news. The young Dursleys were all in their rooms while the adults talked in the living room. The younger couple had yet to bring up exactly the purpose of the visit, it wasn't a conversation Dudley thought would go well. He saw sitting in his favorite chair with his wife on the arm "So Dad…we called you over to talk about Vernon."

"He likes his XBOX?" asked Vernon, indulgently.

Ana, on edge because she was a victim of exactly the reverse situation, answered eagerly "Oh, sure thing, Dad. In fact, I'm certain he'll want to demonstrate his current favorite. Barely get the tyke to bed. The weekends are going to be murder around here."

BingBong

"Oh I'll get it. I'm closest and you can bring me up to speed in a moment." Petunia offered. Without even waiting, she bustled to the door and opened it, instantly recognizing the visitor "You! What are YOU doing here?"

Not in the least phased, Harry answered "Hello to you Petunia. Just visiting my new Wizard cousin. Dudley sent me an owl."

"WHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTT!" she wailed "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

Harry idly doublechecked the door "Nope, says #7 here, definitely not yours."

"What is all the shouting about?" Vernon came stampeding through the hall, followed by the actual homeowners.

Still unruffled, Harry said casually "Hi Vernon, Dudley invited me to meet his wizard. You know? Your Grandson? Namesake?"

"WHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTT!" the senior Vernon roared.

Dudley pinched his nose "I didn't get to that YET."

"Ooops." Offered Harry unrepentantly "Careful Vernon. Don't want a myocardial infarction."

Meanwhile, eyeing the visitor, Anastasia wanted to know "Your cousin is Harry Potter?"

"Yea why?" demanded Dudley, trying to deal with his suddenly crazed parents "Mother! Father! Calm yourselves!"

Led by the oldest, the children made an appearance on the staircase, he wanted to know "Dad? What's all the shouting? Who's he?"

"Mum! Dad! Living room!" Dudley ordered, marching the elder Dursleys through the hallway "Ana, yea, my cousin Harry. Handle the kids from here."

Harry considered the woman who was clearly Dudley's wife. Quite beautiful, oddly familiar. The girl's red hair gave him a twinge. The youngest boy was Dudley to a T, the oldest made him instinctively uneasy. He forced all those emotions aside, determined to not make surface judgements and introduced himself "Harry Potter, and yes, I'm Dudley's cousin. My Mum and his were sisters."

"Anastacia Dursley" the woman introduced herself and the children "Winston, Piers and Erin. And the reason for your visit, Vernon II. Nice to meet The-Boy-Who-Lived."

This put Harry off his game "I n-never expected Dudley to marry a witch. You look about my age, but-"

"I was never at Hogwarts? No." she anticipated him "I'm a Squib. But I heard all kinds of wonderful things about you before my relatives tossed me into an orphanage."

For the sake of the kids, Harry refrained from laying out everything, just commented "Sorry to hear that. Forgive me but you do look like I really should know you. And you said you heard stories."

"Two sources." Ana acknowledged "My ex-brother and ex-father, Draco and Lucius."

Harry's first reaction was bug-eyes, his second a laugh "Yes that is who you look like. Those Malfoy genes are strong. But I doubt either of them had good stories about me."

"As to that, never fear." She retorted "But you see, I reconsidered those stories after I was expelled from Malfoy Manor. And I had lots of time to do it."

The kids watched the adult exchange with great interest. Vernon II challenged "You don't look like a wizard. Do something magic."

"You would expect me to walk around Privet in my Merlin clothes?" quipped Harry, then he vanished and reappeared next to the girl at the top of the stairs "Boo!"

She squeaked "Eep! Mummy!" and ran down to Ana.

Chuckling, Harry vanished again and still chuckling, he reappeared leaning on the oldest boy's shoulder "So, how's that Vernon?"

"You mark my words boy!" the senior Vernon stormed out of the living room "There will be hell to pay if you let this freakishness persist! Petunia, come!"

She didn't so much as glance at Harry, but hugged and pecked each of her grandchildren before her husband hassled her out the door.

"Well, perhaps now isn't the best time." Harry grunted, offered a hand to his cousin "Dud, what do you say to meeting Saturday? Diagon Alley is where the kids shop for school. Mrs. Dursley? Do you remember The Leaky Cauldron? Excellent! Say noon? I'll have the Mrs. and my motley crew."


	148. Chapter 148:Yule Application

**Harry Does Different ZzzzZy**

Yule Application

"A dance! Bloody hell! Harry, what're we gonna do? How do we do this?" Ron was on the verge of a mental breakdown "I mean really! Look at them! Running around in packs! How the bloody hell ya supposed to get one alone to ask?"

Hermione looked at the redhead with a disgruntled expression "A little clue, Ronald, girls aren't much appreciative of cursing when asked." Then she stormed off.

"Nutter." Ron snorted "So? What's the plan?"

Harry was in deep thought. Finally he came out of it, told his friend "Got a plan. Well, at least for me. Gotta hit the library. Later mate." He patted Ron on the shoulder and left. Of Madam Pince he asked for, and obtained a sample of what he needed. A few days later small shelves were outside the entry to every House Common Room. On each was a small stack of forms.

 **JOB APPLICATION**

 **DATE FOR YULE BALL**

 **SUBJECT HARRY POTTER, GRYFFINDOR, 4** **TH** **YEAR, UNWILLING TOURNAMENT PARTICIPANT**

 **IF INTERESTED, PLEASE ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS**

 **NAME _**

 **AGE [minimum 3** **rd** **year, sorry not my rule] _**

 **HOUSE _**

 **SPECIES _**

 **RACE _**

 **HAIR COLOR _**

 **EYE COLOR _**

 **HEIGHT _**

 **WEIGHT _**

 **OPINION OF VOLDEMORT _**

 **OPINION OF DEATH EATERS _**

 **OPINION OF QUIDDITCH _**

 **OPINION OF HARRY POTTER _**

 **DANCING ABILITY? I have no experience and need help _**

 **AS FRIENDS OR MORE? _**

 **WHY? _**

 **YOUR IDEA OF A GOOD BALL? _**

 **ANYTHING ELSE YOU WANT TO TELL ME? _**

 **I will be accepting applications until curfew November 7 and will select by November 10.**

"Mr. Potter, I want to see you in my office in one quarter of an hour." Professor McGonagall ordered, with an imperious look as she marched past where Harry was sitting at the Gryffindor table.

Seamus threw a roll at him and taunted girlishly "Mr. Potter! I want to see you in my office in one quarter of an hour!"

"Don't see the problem." Harry complained as he got up. Three owls landed near his spot, each with a paper. He grinned and commented "Hmm… three applications already."

The nearest Gryffindors…boys and girls…displayed astonished looks. All eyes followed his departure.

Minerva McGonagall counted slowly to ten before acknowledging the knock on her office door "Enter, Mr. Potter. Do you seriously expect this is an effective way to obtain a companion for the Ball?"

"Well ma'am, three were owled to me after you left and another girl ran up and handed me one before I left the Great Hall. I think she was too young though." He looked a little abashed.

She tried to give a harsh look, but failed "For the record, I cannot…as your Head of House…condone this type of conduct. It simply is NOT an approved way of asking a young lady on a date."

"I just took what you said to heart, Professor." Explained Harry "Well mannered frivolity you said. Do not do anything to embarrass Hogwarts or Gryffindor. This way I know someone is sincere and she knows what she's getting into."

The stern witch tapped her teeth with her wand in thought for a few minutes before finally allowing "In my experience with your parents, this is something your Mother would disapprove of; whereas your Father would not do such a thing, while undoubtedly giving you a thumbs up or a high five. I think I will do likewise, one day of detention and five points to Gryffindor for original thinking."

"So, you're ok with it, then?" asked Harry doubtfully.

She sighed "Who am I to argue? Especially if young witches seem to be lining up. Get out of my office before I change my mind."

"I wish you'd asked me about this, first, Harry." Hermione complained back in the Common Room almost as soon as he arrived.

Everybody wanted to know what happened, you could just tell by the expectant looks on Gryffindors of all ages and both sexes.

So, he told them "She gave me a detention and awarded five points for…she called it original thinking."

Ron, still angry and jealous about Harry's participation in the Tournament crossed his arms and stomped to his room. Fred and George looked at each other, their mouths formed wide Os of shock and delight, then high fived Harry. Hermione clearly looked disapproving. In a corner, a redhead was crinkling a certain document in her hands.


	149. Chapter 149:You Got a Girlfriend

**[a/n]** Good ideas for Application, which was almost unanimously well received. I do find it amusing that most every chapter has one naysayer. Application will be revisited.

 **Harry Does Different ZzzzZz**

You Got a Girlfriend

"Harry Potter! Ladies and gentlemen what an occasion!" the famed author pulled him into a one-armed "Who would have thought when young Harry came in…he must be delighted to leave with a…my …entire… collected works."

The Daily Prophet photographer snapped and skittered out.

Draco Malfoy looking down from above sneered. He tore a page out of the spellbook he was leafing through and pocketed it, bouncing down the stairs he derisively said "Famous Harry Potter, can't even go into a bookstore without making the front page."

"He didn't want all that." Snarled Ginny Weasley, defending her crush and saying more than she ever had in Harry's presence.

The blonde Slytherin grinned at the gift "Look, Potter, you got yourself a girlfriend."

The Weasley boys, all dirt stained from the Floo trip all took threatening steps forward.

"Two actually, Draco." Harry gave a gleeful grin and put an arm around each of Hermione and Ginny. Implication plain, he added "But, you do too. How are Crabbe and Goyle?"

Ginny was deeply embarrassed to have her crush's arm over her. She couldn't do much more than blush. The Weasley boys, even Percy, wore amused grins. Deeper in the store, Mr. Weasley and the Grangers were aware of the minor disturbance and began approaching.

"Draco, I thought I told you to stay out of trouble." A silkily venomous voice preceded the appearance of an impressively dressed long haired man. He was quite pleased with his son's performance in creating the confrontation to further his plan. "Well well well, vacant expressions, tatty secondhand textbooks, you must be the Weasleys. And this, from your description… Draco… Miss…Granger." To which, the smaller blonde gave an important nod.

Harry gave a disdainful look and commented "Well, Draco, I see where you get your girlish obsession with perfect hair from."

"Now now Harry." scolded Ian Granger "You mustn't denigrate nonbinaries or people of your LBGTQ community. Hermione told us of oppressed minorities in your world. Apparently this is similar to our problems."

Mr. Malfoy shot him a glare "Foolish Muggle. Don't use meaningless terms." Then dismissed him offering a hand in introduction "Harry Potter, charmed, Lucius Malfoy."

"Nice to *grunt* meet you." Replied Harry, he felt the need to free his hand from an unpleasant grip.

Draco gave an amused grin while his father pretended lack of awareness and continued "Ah, your famous scar. No less famous than the wizard who gave it to you. Forgive me." He pulled Harry close as he was speaking, and used his snakehead cane to push the boy's hair aside.

"Get offa me ya bloody git!" Harry yelled. He yanked his hand free, then snatched the cane from Mr. Malfoy and broke it over his knee.

A store employee, coming to diffuse the confrontation, froze in his tracks and looked at the floor. "You broke it!" he gasped "You DON'T break someone's wand!"

"You DON'T just poke at someone like science experiment!" Harry shouted accusingly at Mr. Malfoy.

Lucius was apoplectic with fury. All he saw was his broken wand on the store floor, this through an all-encompassing red haze. He grabbed at his son, found his wand in his robe, yanked it out and shoved the boy away in a fluid movement as fast as lightning. He snarled hatefully " _AVVVVVVVAAAAAAAAAD_ -"

" _Expelliarmus_!" Arthur Weasley wasn't nearly as fast, but he had more time as he knew exactly where his wand was. He felt great satisfaction seeing black robes and blonde hair flap and spin and tangle in each other.

A pair of patrolling Aurors ran up and helped the fallen wizard to his feet. The witch demanded "What is going on here?"

"I did that, miss." Mr. Weasley said, matter-of-factly "Arthur Weasley, Head of the Department of Misuse of Magical Artifacts. I want this man arrested on the charge of attempted murder. I'll be along as soon as my wife comes out to attend to our children."

The male Auror released the suspect "No thanks, this is Lucius Malfoy. More than my job is worth."

"Your partner is going to face desertion and dereliction of duty, Auror." He told the witch harshly "What about you?"

She gave an impish smile "Following orders, sir." And gleefully took the suspect into custody, twisting his arms behind his back.

"Let my father alone!" Draco charged.

Harry watched his school nemesis get wrapped in ropes, with barely a noticeable movement from the young…ory was it? He burst out laughing

"Watch your back Potter! You'll meet the same sticky end as your parents!" Lucius growled and twisted trying to free himself.

She twisted his arm behind his back and snarled "Behave yourself cousin. I think we'll add resisting arrest and making death threats to the list of charges. Don't worry Director Weasley, Lucy and me…we'll get along just fine."

"So, Draco, see you…and YOUR girlfriends…at school." Harry said, flippantly, then added "But I think mine are cuter. Shall we, girls?"

Hermione started to protest at her friend's remark, but ended in a blush. Ginny didn't even get that far, she just blushed. Percy looked at his father with something akin to awe. Fred and George giggled at Harry's handling of the affair. Ron didn't know what to make of the whole situation, except liking that Draco was restrained and on the store floor. Most other store patrons enjoyed the chaotic affair and looked forward to their ten seconds of fame in an interview.


	150. Chapter 150:Space Camp

**[a/n]** Bit of setup needed. 1986 movie called Space Camp. Based on a NASA program for children to experience astronaut training. The first unlikely presumption is from the movie, that NASA would allow a group of kids aboard a Space Shuttle during a live engine test. The second unlikely presumption is from HP, that the Dursleys would send Harry to USA for this. Well maybe they wanted to get rid of him for a summer and didn't mind paying to do it, or they hoped an accident would kill him. Lea Thompson of _Back to the Future_ is probably the best known name from it, Joaquin Phoenix of _Gladiator_ was in it as a child actor. If you know the movie cast Harry in Joaquin's role.

 **Harry Does Different ZzzzZZa**

Space Camp

 **HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY**

 **HEADMASTER:ALBUS DUMBLEDORE {Order of Merlin, First Class: Grand Sorcerer: Chief Warlock: Supreme Mugwump}**

 **Dear Mr. Potter,**

 **We are pleased to inform you that you have a place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.**

 **Term begins September 1. We await your owl by no later than July 31.**

 **Yours sincerely**

 **Minerva McGonagall, Deputy Headmistress**

Minerva was in her office preparing for her usual day of visits to Muggleborns. There were four on the schedule. She would set appoints for them together and tour them through Diagon Alley as a group. Being a Pureblood, she of course expected a simple owl of acknowledgement from Harry Potter. Her first surprise came when a simple Ministry owl arrived with The-Boy-Who-Lived's answer. Did he not own his own personal owl? Second, and far greater, was the content of the letter. She read it. Squeaked. Dropped it, picked it up, read it again. Squeaked again, threw powder into her Floo and cried "Albus! I'm coming through!"

"Good afternoon, Minerva." The ancient Headmaster greeted her placidly "Whatever has you so excited, child?"

Few could address Minerva McGonagall that way without being laughed at, of those that could only one could do it without raising her hackles. This time she did not even notice the form of address "I just received a reply from one Harry Potter." She announced, Scottish burr in full evidence, she handed over the letter.

 **Dear Miss[es] McGonagall**

 **Perhaps. I would like a little more detail. You see, I just got back from a visit to America, a NASA program called Space Camp. During the program I had the actual opportunity to sit in a US rocket called Endeavor. There was a rather lucky accident that forced it to actually launch during the engine test. I spent a wonderful, if a little scary, two days in orbit. I suspect my relatives are a little disappointed I came back.**

 **Be that as it may, I want to become an astronaut. Maybe go to the Moon, or Mars. I am thinking of becoming both a doctor and an astrophysicist as I learned two careers are a bonus for spaceflight. I started physical training while at Cape Kennedy and am continuing now that I have returned to Surrey.**

 **I planned to speak to a counselor at school here for class requirements to help my plans. Of course, this is a different opportunity, but I won't give up my dream. Two important questions I have. Does Hogwarts have a fitness program? Is the classwork sufficiently similar to the non-Magical world to meet my goals?**

 **Thank you**

 **Harry Potter**

The Headmaster read the letter with a raised eyebrow that settled as reason prevailed "Think nothing of it, Minerva, Harry will come once assured his parents would want THIS for him. Travel to the Moon? Codswallop! To use the modern vernacular. Muggle fantasy tales, little different from our own fiction. Harmless enough but nothing to be taken seriously."

"This is not the first time a Muggle child has questioned our curriculum, Albus. Potter has expressed an interest but a desire to pursue his own dreams." Said the Head of Gryffindor.

The concern was waved off "Harry is much more a part of our world than the Muggle one. However, perhaps you ARE correct to a degree. Why don't you pay a visit? Tell him of Lily and James, perhaps a Marauder story or two?"

"While I think the boy's sympathies can come into play, his real concerns should be addressed." She complained.

Dumbledore countered "Minerva, magic will surpass anything young Harry has seen in his short life. Once he gets here all will be well. It is vital…VITAL…he comes here and once he is we needn't worry. Off you go."


	151. Chapter 151:Career Advice

**[a/n]Space Camp is likely to be revisited. It was fun, as were its reviews. This time I felt the urge to mess with Umbridge.**

 **Harry Does Different ZzzzZZb**

Career Advice

"And what are you planning to do with your life?" asked the Head of Gryffindor.

Harry shrugged "Well, I had thought I'd make a decent Auror."

"I hardly think that likely, Mr. Potter." Professor Umbridge said through sips of her overly sweet tea "After all, your grades in Defense Against the Dark Arts are quite lacking."

He frowned at her "I wasn't asking your opinion. And I SAID ' _thought'_ as in past tense. No Professor McGonagall, I thought I'd use Professor Lockhart as inspiration."

"How so?" the stern witch was most displeased at the reference, but didn't wish to see her colleague take offense at her pupil's dismissal of her remark and deduct points Gryffindor seemed to be having trouble accumulating this year.

Harry looked at his Head and smiled "Well, ma'am, it's like this. I figure my parents left me quite a roomful of Galleons since that's just a trust vault I'm using now. And really, how can her opinion of me matter? Either I'll kill Voldemort - OH! Get over it! *rolls eyes* - or he'll kill me. Of course, if I die, ambition is pointless. If I win, I'll be more famous than I already am. And that's saying a lot."

"You-Know-Who has NOT returned. He is dead! And that will be 25 points from Gryffindor." Umbridge ruled.

He barely spared her a glance "So as I was saying. I was hoping there is a literature or writing class I can take here or somehow through Hogwarts to get my skills up. I'd rather write my own memoirs than pay someone to do it for me. I was thinking a book for each school year. Already got the book titles _Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone_ for First Year, _Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets_ for Second Year, _Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban_ for Third Year, _Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire_ for Fourth Year. Still working on this year, maybe _Harry Potter and the Nutty Professor_."

"We do have non-core electives, Potter." McGonagall struggled to hide a very unprofessional giggle, then continued "There are certain minimum requirements to remain in our world. I have little doubt you could OWL in Charms, Transfiguration, Potions and DADA. Only two are required."

Unaware she'd been insulted, Umbridge criticized her colleague "Minerva, Mr. Potter, from my observation is most unlikely to pass the rigor of Ministry Defense testing. You should not build up a child's expectations to unattainable levels."

"After killing Voldemort, which has to be an automatic NEWT, I think maybe I'll teach Defense." Harry quipped, looking right in her eye "They seem a Knut a dozen…and just as replaceable."

For the first time, her sugary smile was gone as she scolded "And that will be a detention, Mr. Potter. You will learn to show proper respect for your professors."

"HA! The only DADA teacher I respected was Lupin." Countered Harry, then looking at McGonagall asked "May I go, Professor?"

She waved him away "Dismissed."

"The only one…besides me…you should've respected Potter, was Professor Quirrell." Umbridge declared.

Harry sneered at her "You mean the one with the guy that doesn't exist anymore growing out the back of his head? Good job putting yourself in with him."


	152. Chapter 152:Another Heir

**Harry Does Different ZzzzZZc**

Another Heir

"I do not recall seeing Potter, or his friends, at dinner." Professor Snape pointed out "Most suspicious, Headmaster. I recommend that Potter be suspended from all extracurricular activities while the staff more thoroughly investigates this matter."

Ron screeched "What! That's totally unfair!"

"Now, now, calm down, my fellow Gryff." Harry patted his shoulder in a placating way "He's entitled to his opinion. I have my own theory of the crime, however. I personally suspect Draco Malfoy."

The aforementioned Slytherin protested "What? My father will hear of this, Potter!"

"My father will hear of this, Potter!" echoed Harry mockingly barely half a syllable behind his nemesis. This was accompanied by sniggers from the assembled students.

Snape snarled "That will be detention Potter, for a false accusation against a classmate."

"What! That's not fair! He can make one against me?" protested Harry "Professor McGonagall, I object!"

Dumbledore waved, dismissively "That for later, Severus. Have you some basis for your accusation, Harry? Or is this just a wild skrewt chase?"

"Not at all, sir." Harry assured him "Consider what the writing says, ENEMIES OF THE HEIR BEWARE. Professor McGonagall, in class you told us Slytherin wanted to purge Hogwarts of Muggleborns. Malfoy looked this way and said You'll be next, Mudbloods. Exactly what he called Hermione just last Saturday."

The Headmaster nodded "It is well reasoned, Harry, though even you must admit lacking in actual evidence."

"Snape didn't need evidence when he wanted me thrown off Quidditch." Harry pointed out.

Dumbledore chastised "That is PROFESSOR Snape, Harry."

"Yeah ok." The student shrugged that off and added "So why not put Draco off Slytherin's team? Let's face it, might end up being a favor in the end. Everyone knows his father bought him on."

Draco yelled "That's a lie!"

"Oh please." Harry scoffed, huffing in the Slytherin's face "Dear old Dad spends **GG** 20,000 to buy all new brooms and you just happen to get on the team? I wouldn't bet a rusty Knut on that one."

Draco threatened "You'll pay for that Potter!"

"My father will hear of this, Potter!" Harry taunted. There was a ripple of amusement among the students, even a few Slytherins who didn't happen to believe the appointment particularly deserved.


	153. Chapter 153:I'm a Father?

**[a/n]** Have you read where Harry comes back after a few years to find out he's a father? Well this doesn't have the usual ending. Yes there will be a pt2.

 **Harry Does Different ZzzzZZd**

I'm a Father?

On May 2 1998 " _I know that you are preparing to fight. Your efforts are futile. You cannot fight me. I do not want to kill you. I have great respect for the teachers of Hogwarts. I do not want to spill magical blood. Give me Harry Potter, and none shall be harmed. Give me Harry Potter, and I shall leave the school untouched. Give me Harry Potter, and you will be rewarded. You have until midnight._ " —Lord Voldemort's ultimatum

"Gin?" Harry yanked off his Invisibility Cloak and presented his semi-victorious grin to his ...girlfriend? "I'm gonna have to face him…alone."

She looked horrified "Oh Harry? No! Please! You'll die!" A redhead missile launched at him.

"Ginevra!" Molly was deeply disturbed at her daughter's unladylike display.

The couple popped away…..to the Seventh Year dorms…Ginny had no way of knowing whose bed was whose, regardless, she pushed Harry back until he fell back on one. "You are NOT going to die Harry Potter. But consider this my way of saying good luck." She pulled off her robe, dropped her skirt to the floor and unbuttoned her top.

"Wh-what are yuh-you duh-doing Gin?" he wanted to know.

She tossed her top aside and climbed on, sliding sensuously up his body, answered huskily "I'm pretty sure you can figure it out."

"You are absolutely beautiful." He declared and met her lips halfway.

Harry went on to win the war. He survived…but damaged. The rebuilt Burrow became his home and it was an unsecret that he was sleeping with the youngest Weasley. Hardly a month later, while Hermione and Ron were in Australia, he had a lengthy conversation with the eldest Weasley and received his blessing.

"Come on in, Harry." Ginny was highly nervous when she heard the knock on her bedroom door. She'd just learned a life-altering bit of news and barely knew how to tell him. As soon as the door opened, hardly looking his way, she stammered "Ha-Harry I have s-something t-t-to t-t-tell you."

"I was just at Gringotts. Wanted to ask you, Gin." He was all smiles, his words overlapping hers.

Hormones pounding in her ears, she shouted "Dammit Harry! Let me get a word in edgewise!"

"This is important." Insisted Harry, eagerly. He was fingering the small box in his jeans pocket.

Ginny angrily slapped a bedpost, then yelped in pain "What Harry bloody Potter has to say is more important?" she snapped "Well I don't give a pile of hippogriff shit!"

"If that's the way you wanna be!" he shot back, punched the wall…incidentally knocking a Harpies' poster off it… and stormed out. He then stomped to the room he shared with Ron, furiously packed a suitcase and stomped his way down to the kitchen.

Molly and Arthur were eagerly waiting, barely half a syllable apart they said "Well congratulations! And where is the future bride?"

"Your daughter!" he began furiously, then remembered his general fondness and gratitude to the Weasleys. His voice was lower but no less angry "I went to propose and Ginny told me I wasn't worth and I quote a pile of hippogriff shit. Well I doubt my Mum would approve of her ring -RRRRR- Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, thank you for everything over the years, I mean that…May I use your Floo, I don't feel up to Apparating?…. I'll write where I ultimately end up…..THE LEAKY CAULDRON!"

Ginny ultimately made her way down and after a day of angry stubbornness flooed to the motel herself. Approaching the desk, she requested "What room is Harry Potter in?"

"Who might you be, child?" the proprietor countered.

Not liking that particularly, she retorted "I might be any number of people. As it happens I am Harry Potter's girlfriend."

"That does not identify you, girl." He shot back "Now, excuse me while I assist a paying customer. Yes sir?"

During the next three minutes, she at first fumed from the summary dismissal, then changed her whole approach "I beg your pardon, sir, I am Ginny Weasley. I understand my boyfriend Harry Potter came here last night. What room is he in, please?"

"He checked out this morning." He answered, cordially enough, but minimally.

Ginny ultimately tracked her AWOL boyfriend to the Ministry's Department of Travel or MDOT where his name was on a signin sheet. There, it took Mr. Weasley applying pressure as a Department Head, calling in favors, and most of a week, to learn he purchased an International Portkey. Nothing, however, would get the destination. The family welcomed George Harry Weasley some seven months later.

Harry never dipped much into his Trust account. And, as it turned out, that was only meant to cover his Hogwarts years. Upon majority, he discovered a poolful of gold and other investments. Because he wanted to see in person a sight he'd only seen pictures of, that day he chose Niagara, Ontario, Canada. He wrote to his friends, didn't hesitate to tell them where he was. Ginny became She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Wrote. Harry made the NAQL Niagara Falls as Reserve Seeker. After a couple years sold some of his British investments and bought the team, minor league system included. He was happy playing a few games per season. The first-string Seeker was about as good and the team won several championships. The best part, in Harry's opinion, was his fame was much more Quidditch based than Boy-Who-Lived. Dates? Plenty. Girlfriends? Yes. Serious? Not especially.

For Ginny the seven years since Harry's departure were busy. First with the pregnancy, birth and recovery. Later was getting into shape for her Quidditch career. She made the Holyhead as first string Chaser when two retired after the 2000 season. Bitterness filled her at first, he left her, he didn't deserve to know about HER boy. Eventually Georgie's questions about his Father combined with his strong resemblance led to stories that put Harry in a good light. There was a determination however that she would NOT discuss her son in a letter.

"The Americans invade." Arthur Weasley read the front page of Quidditch Weekly to his family at the weekly dinner his wife insisted the Brit-based Weasleys have. Ron & Hermione were there with their twins Hugo and Rose, so were Bill, a pregnant Fleur and Dominque, George Angelina and Fred II, and lastly Ginny with George II "Two teams from the NAQL, the El Paso-Juarez Chihuahuas and the Niagara Falls will swap with the Wimbourne Wasps and the Chudley Canons for three seasons. This announcement from the International Confederation of Wizards Quidditch Committee in a joint statement with the British Department of Magical Sports and Games."

Halfway through the reading Hermione and Ron swallowed nervously and exchanged concerned looks, she commented "You know what that means."

"Maybe a couple wins for the Canons…finally." Ginny quipped with a smirk at her brother.

Ron was smiling, then looked at his sister significantly "It means, dear sister, a certain unmentionable topic will be unavoidable." His eyes went to where all the kids were playing.

"Kindly speak clearly, Ronald." Mum ordered.

Hermione looked suddenly rapturous, she barely contained a squeal "It means my brother is coming home. Harry owns the Falls!"

"Harry _**OWNS**_ a Quidditch team?" Ginny was flummoxed "And you lot never saw fit to discuss that with me? You do remember I play the sport?"

Ron pointed out, with a bit of disdain "Yes, I do. You might remember I was on the Auror security team for the games. And WWW has booths to sell our goodies to the fans. It's public knowledge. Dark-Lord-Defeater plays Seeker on team he owns? You really should pay more attention to your career."

"Now, now Ron." Dad chastised him, before an adult argument exploded with child witnesses "And, Ginevra? Perhaps you thought waiting until Georgie was of age was the best course. I doubt it will stand up to sharing a country with Harry, let alone a stadium. I believe you'll play three regular season games?"

Nervous, and suddenly short fused, Ginny pounded the table with her fist and snapped "Dammit Daddy! I can do the math!"

"Mummy mad? Don be mad at Granpa." A boy of six ran up to Ginny and put his chin on her knee. The youngster's hair color was such that no one doubted his Weasley parentage, while his lack of scar and glasses made his Potter heritage not quite so obvious. But everything else about George H Weasley would scream Harry Potter…if, that is, someone would look under the hair. Few did.

Arthur Weasley gave his grandson's hair a fond tug and admonished him "George, I think your Mother has an important story to tell you. About all those bedtime stories you hear." He turned a stern expression to his daughter and commanded "To your room, young lady." And when several of the cousins tried to follow, he blocked the stairs and ordered "Back to the living room with you lot."

"You remember all the stories, Georgie?" asked Ginny, softly in the privacy of his bedroom "About the knight rescuing the princess from the demon and his dragon? The knight giving his life so his wife could protect their baby from the evil king? And the knight finally defeating the bad king who invaded his castle?"

The little boy nodded as he settled in his Mother's lap "Course, Mummy. It's too early for bed, Mummy. Wanna pway wif Freddy and Rosie and Dommi and—"

"How about I tell you every one of those stories happened?" Ginny cut off his rollcall of cousins "That your father was the knight who saved the world and rescued the princess, who was me, and it was HIS Daddy who lost the fight trying to save YOUR Daddy and his Mummy from the evil king."

That naturally brought George's protest to a screeching halt "Reawwy?"

"And a million other stories." She assured him.

In the way of kids George had a way of going for the throat "Then why didn't you tell me before? And where was he, all my life?"

"I think it would be best if we all talk about that together." Ginny dodged tackling that one "As to why now, well we just found out he will be coming home in a month or so. Meantime I can now retell all those bedtime stories with everybody's names. Now, how's that?"

The boy wrapped his arms about her and squeezed "Wicked Mummy!"


	154. Chapter 154:Troll in the Dungeon

**[a/n]** Back to _I'm a Father_ in a bit. This popped up first.

 **Harry Does Different ZzzzZZe**

Troll in the Dungeon

October 31

"It's Lev-eee-oh-sa, not Lev-i-oh-sah!" the bushy-haired Gryffindor corrected the redhead Gryffindor's spell pronunciation.

It was then that Harry's freckle-faced partner caused his feather to burst into flames.

"Well, class dismissed. I think we've had enough excitement for one day." The part Goblin professor declared in his cheery high-pitched tone. "And, Miss Granger, take three points for helping a classmate."

Walking through the courtyard with the other Gryffindor boys, Ron complained "She's a nightmare! Honestly! Lev-eee-oh-sa, not Lev-i-oh-sah! No wonder she hasn't got any friends!"

Neville Longbottom was silent while Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnegan giggled at the remark. Hermione shouldered her way through the boys, clutching her books to her chest and ran off.

"And she's a Gryffindor! You lot remind me of Malfoy." Harry wasn't one for bullies having dealt with a group all his life. He glared them into silence, with Neville looking the most guilty. "I am going to see to MY Housemate. Nice going mates."

Hermione Granger was sobbing her way to the only loo she knew no one would disturb her. The one on the third floor was the residence of a particularly loud ghost who would burst out of a toilet splashing you if you tried to use it. The harassed girl wasn't planning to pee, just cry. Suddenly, her elbow was caught, she spun and snapped "Wha'd'u want?"

"Just to say Ron's a berk." Said Harry, backing away slightly "Though, I must say, Miss Granger, for a grammar Nazi that certainly was sloppy."

She frowned at him, then emitted a wet snort of amusement and complained "Not funny Harry!"

"Oh yes it was!" he affected an offended look, which produced the expected response "That's better. Instead of dinner, why don't we sneak into the library?"

Hermione shook her head "We can't do that. Madam Pince would also be in the Great Hall for dinner."

"Our little bookworm refusing a trip to the library!" gasped Harry, face a study in horror. When she swatted him he giggled and faked a flinch, grabbed her hand and dragged her where she loved to be anyway.

Thus, they were hiding out in the library while the Halloween Feast was in full swing. Neither heard there was a troll in the dungeons. Because Hermione was sitting next to him studying away, not in a bathroom stall crying over what Ronald Weasley had said to her during Charms, she never saw the troll.

However, the Slytherins who left the Great Hall, fleeing toward the dungeons turned a corner and collided with the monster. Sixth Year prefect Lucius LeStrange pushed a couple of first years toward the troll to protect himself. Greg Goyle crawled behind a suit of armor, leg shattered. Daphne Greengrass was clubbed to death. Lestrange's actions were futile, the troll grabbed him off the floor and ate his head. By the time the Seventh Years immobilized the troll Pansy Parkinson, Marcus Flint, and Graham Montague had all lost their lives. Fifteen other younger Slytherins spent at least one night in the Hospital Wing, having been trampled by their Housemates.

Harry, who'd been reading with Hermione until near curfew, didn't hear of this until breakfast the next morning. He resisted the temptation to taunt the disconsolate blonde boy who'd insulted all of his friends. Hermione couldn't quite wipe a grin off her face, she had a friend.


	155. Chapter 155:I'm a Father? 2

**[a/n0]** Never got a review that just said "1" Marksbay… hmmmmm

 **[a/n00]** Guest rant..."You are doing it too. Write 100000 words, get everyone interested then stop and start a whole new story. I think that all but a very few of the authors on here are nuts. I spend a lot of time on this site and use the advertisers too. I am done. No more alerts and no more follows. From now on I will only read stories that are complete." Guess he/she/it didn't read where the summary said this is a series of 1shots. Gee, I was the straw that broke the camel's back *grin*

 **[a/n]** Promised sequel to #153

 **Harry Does Different ZzzzZZf**

I'm a Father? 2

"Matt Lewis, _Seeker Weekly_ , first I wanted to say welcome home Mr. Potter. Miss Weasley your presence is something of a surprise. Care to explain?" a reporter asked.

Ginny gave a depreciating grin "Nice to see you Matt. Looking debonair. There are official representatives here, of course, so I can't speak for Harpies management. But I'm pleased to see Harry again."

"Rumor had it you were especially close." Came from another source.

Used to the press fully by now, Harry countered "And you once wrote that Hermione Granger was playing with mine and I believe the term was Romanian Bon-Bon's affections. Wasn't it Rita?"

"No sense bringing up the past, Harry." The tabloid journalist scoffed "Just talk about the here and now."

He waved a hand in Ginny's direction "There was no such rumor, folks. It is a fact that Miss Weasley and I dated, for a time, during my Hogwarts Sixth Year. I dated no one during what would have been my Seventh. After the war, I lived with the Weasleys and as anyone in Ottery St. Catchpole can confirm, we were a couple. After I moved to America, we had no further contact. Unless, that is, you believe we managed a torrid bi-continental love affair under your very nose. Sloppy reporter work there, Miss Skeeter."

"Hmpf!" the scandal raker huffed and sat down.

Ginny hid a frown behind a fake smile through the rest of the introductions of the two teams and then Q&A session. As a celebrity of equal status she had access to the stage "Can't say I much care for your response to Rita. Torrid love affair, really Harry. Irregardless, Hermione and Ron specifically send their …love… Mum would like you over to the Burrow for a visit."

"Good to see you, Ginny." Said Harry, neutrally "All kinds of craziness next couple days. Saturday soon enough? Ron and Hermione there?"

She didn't expect the lack of emotion any more than she had being put off ANY length of time. "I suppose that works. I have a morning practice. Ron and Hermione are off weekends."

"Tell them I look forward to it. Been a long time." He said.

She only nodded her head, this was too public a venue to voice her annoyance "See you then."

Abcij

"You've been gone a long time, Harry." She welcomed him at the edge of the Weasley wards with an outstretched hand. It was necessary for someone not related by blood or marriage.

He took it and let go the instant he passed the ward line, commenting with bitterness "I'd've rather seen Ron or Hermione first. I saw you two days ago."

"Don't know what you're still angry about. As I remember it's you walked out on me." Ginny's look was full of repressed fury.

He gave an indifferent shrug "That's the way you want to remember it. I think we can avoid each other after today. Britain's a fairly big place. Well except for Falls-Harpies games. Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to see my friends."

"Stop Harry!" she commanded sharply "We have something to discuss!"

He turned back and sneered "Can't imagine what. Been close to a decade and I think my best friends rate a bit higher than an ex-girlfriend."

"Dammit Harry! Why are you making this so hard?" Ginny stomped a foot in frustration, patience at an end "Fine! Here it is, short and sweet. When you walked out on me all those years ago I was bleedin pregnant!"

He blinked at the sudden outburst "Yeah sure! After you called me…what was it? Oh yeah! Hippogryff shit. Real lovely especially when trying to propose! Wait! What? Say that last part again."

"Deaf and dumb." She complained, then "I said I was pregnant. You know that tends to happen when a couple are sleeping together. And what proposal?"

Harry ignored her question and retorted "I KNOW how people get pregnant. Now back to that, I guess you're claiming it's mine. Wanna explain why I didn't know long before this?"

"Of course he's yours!" she came back angrily "You DO NOT refer to a little boy as an IT. And I might have been inclined to have my brother mention his existence if you'd bothered ONCE asking about ME! Months! Then YEARS went by! What? Wasn't I so much as worth an inch of parchment?"

To that rant, he barely raised an eyebrow "Just as much as your last words to me. I never forgot them. So, no, I wasn't especially interested in you. And forgive me if I have my doubts, Quidditch players deal with fangirls all the time."

"How DARE you?" she snapped.

Unfortunately for Ginny's anger, they'd reached the Burrow's door and it was flung open by a no longer bushy-haired witch who exclaimed "Harry!" and embraced him violently.

"Good thing, that, her husband coulda been jealous." Said Ron casually as he slapped his friend's shoulder "Great to see ya mate."

After kissing Hermione's cheek and a tightened squeeze, he released her and returned the shoulder slap. A bit choked up, he said "You too Ron." Then with a grin "Mrs. Weasley."

"None of that." She scolded him fondly and hugging him added "Don't want me calling you Mr. Potter."

He chuckled "As you wish Molly. I don't see the Mister."

"Oh in the sitting room with the gran-" she was explaining when a small boom went off and the topic of conversation came running in. A boy and girl with more brownish than red hair, the boy barely out of diapers. Last a redhaired boy older than either. They all stopped when they saw a stranger and ran to their respective parents. Molly took up that train of thought with little effort "Children, this is a very good friend. You can call him Uncle Harry."

The pure redhead boy disentangled himself from his mother's leg and walked up to the stranger "Mum told me you're my father."

"No way!" the cousins exclaimed.

Harry sat in the kitchen chair to get more level with the boy and answered calmly "That's what she just told me, too." He softly pushed the boy's chin a bit higher and commented "You've got your mother's hair. Well, my mother had about that color too, I've been told. But that face. Haha. No, don't think there's any doubt about it. So, I'm Harry, Harry Potter. Looks like I'm your Dad. What's your name?"

"George Harry Weasley." The boy said with pride.

Harry fired a cross look at Ginny, but gave him a smile and offered a handshake "Nice to meet you George. And now you know where your middle name came from."

"Uh-huh. And Mummy tol me yousa knight. Rescued the princess and beat da bad guy." Said George with a grin, then a glance to Ginny.

After another glance at Ginny, this one a bit more tolerant, he nodded and replied "Quite so. And after dinner maybe I can tell you how Uncle Ron and Auntie Hermione helped. You know the knight never goes it alone. Probably tell you parts of the tale your Mum doesn't know about."

"Girls can't be knights!" the brownish-redhaired boy protested. His little sister smacked him upside the head. Both earned rebukes from their parents thereby.

Harry chuckled "See that George. Never underestimate the female of the species. Arthur? Good to see you again."

"Perhaps." Was the senior Weasley's response "We don't think much of those who don't honor their responsibilities."

Keeping his tone pleasant for the sake of the children, Harry replied "I think that's between me and Ginny. Nor is it for young ears."

"That you must see Arthur." Said a bustling Molly as she began filling the table with food "Supper everyone!"

Dinner was a usual boisterous Weasley affair although with an undercurrent of tension. And as the meal wrapped up, during which newly acquainted father and son enjoyed each other between the Golden Trio catching each other up on their lives, little George asked "Daddy can I see your house?"

"Well, okay it with your mother." Allowed Harry, hardly batting an eye before agreeing.

Ginny saw how kind and patient he was with their son. It gave her great hope for their future together as a family. "I think it would be a good chance to get to know each other better. Why don't you go pack a change of clothes and Babbity Rabbit. I'll be up in a second to make sure you're ready."

"I don't think that is a good idea, Ginevra." Mr. Weasley objected after the young boy disappeared up the stairs. He eyed Harry with distinct disfavor.

Ginny was about to defend her decision, but Harry jumped in with "I don't think where my son spends the night is your business."

"That was a little harsh, Harry." Ron defended his father by way of reflex.

Hermione restrained him and more than suggested "I think we should get Hugo and Rose out of a scene they don't need to see. Ronald!"

"I will not be talked to like that in my own house, boy!" declared Mr. Weasley as soon as the other children were in the yard with their parents.

Harry flinched then responded coldly "You know, the last person to call me boy was Vernon Durlsey, right before they hid from Voldemort. HA still can't handle it! Voldemort!"

"Harry don't make me change my mind about this little sleepover." Threatened Ginny.

He gave her a glare just as cold and pointed out "After his reaction? You wanna tell him you changed your mind? I'll bet you a year's salary you'd be up all night with a screaming kid."

"I'm going to see if Georgie is ready." Said Ginny grudgingly.

Arthur didn't like what he felt was the gloating expression and used it to point out the overriding issue in his mind "Not that what you did is forgivable, but you owe our daughter an apology for walking out on her all those years ago."

"I don't think what happened between me and Ginny is your business." Harry shot back.

Arthur was apoplectic, his ears redder than the parts of his hair not grey "You hear that Molly? Do you? Our daughter is none of our business!"

"They're coming! Cool it Arthur!" hissed Molly forcefully.

Harry winked at the boy "Off we go George. Say good night to your Mom and Grandparents. You like Quidditch, right? You'll meet my team."

"Yippee! Hear that Mummy!" he wrapped himself around her legs.

She picked him up and squeezed him with a smile "Mind your father." She admonished him "Brush your teeth and wash your face and hands good before bed. Don't be up too late." Then she watched as her son walked alongside his father and disapparated.

Abcij

"Arthur? Mrs. Weasley? May I come through?" Susan Bones, visual similarities notwithstanding, was not a close relation to either. She fought in the Battle of Hogwarts, receiving the Medal of Merlin First Class, for killing several Death Eaters who'd cornered and were tormenting some children and Madam Pomfrey. Not Auror material, she used her family's influence to place herself in the Department of Wizard Child Services and was now a judge. Receiving permission, she smoothly stepped out of the Floo "Good morning, I need a word with Ginny."

Molly offered "If you'd like…a drink? Water? Pumpkin juice? Ginny is working out. She's a Chaser on the Harpies, you know."

"I do." The other redhead nodded "And, no, thank you. Please this is an important matter."

Arthur nodded "Of course, she's just outside, won't be a moment."

"Judge …Bones." Ginny was red faced and panting from her workout, her hair was tied back into a ponytail except for some stray strands "My father said business? Quidditch related? That should probably be something for my agent."

Susan shook her head, all business, they were at most acquaintances "No, Miss Weasley." She said formally "I am here as a representative of the Department of Wizard Child Services. There is no easy way to say this. WCS has ruled that you violated Harry Potter's parental rights and ordered temporary custody of the minor George Harry Weasley-Potter be awarded to Mr. Potter."

"Wait! WHAT?" all three Weasleys yelled practically as one.

Susan didn't so much as flinch "I do not shirk my responsibility. I heard the case. This will have international implications. I ruled in favor of Mr. Potter."

"The boy's not even British!" complained Arthur slapping the table. "Ran out on MY pregnant daughter!"

Susan rolled a scroll across the table "That does not jibe with the evidence I heard. Here is the transcript. I suggest you hire some big guns. Mr. Potter has, along with securing the support of the Canadian Embassy."

"You scratch his back, he scratches your tits…eh Bones?" Ginny accused.

Susan flushed angrily "That's JUDGE Bones and a good thing you're not in my court. Make a remark like that there and you'll only see your son in the company of a Dementor. Court records show Mr. Potter was only represented, he himself was not present. Arthur? Might I impose on you for some Floo."

"I believe you can apparate, JUDGE Bones. The ward line is out that door. Don't come back." Arthur ordered brusquely.

Susan flung the indicated door open and departed without another word.


	156. Chapter 156:Dare

**[a/n0]** One review interestingly accused Harry of kidnapping.

 **[a/n]** The classic kids game. And fanfic always has it leading to Harry falling in love with Ginny.

 **Harry Does Different ZzzzZZg**

Dare

The Gryffindor Common Room was full of students doing this and that. Harry Potter was tutoring his best friends in Defense Against the Dark Arts. A group of girls of assorted ages not interested in studying were happily playing a round of Truth or Dare.

"Truth or Dare Bem?" challenged Lavender Brown.

The younger girl grinned confidently "Truth."

"Tell us, if you can, anything Muggles can do that we can't." Lavender wasn't anti-Muggle, she was just raised to believe in Magical superiority.

Arianna Bem's mother was an astronomer. She took Hogwarts astronomy for the easy O. She grinned at the Pureblood girl "I don't think a witch or wizard has set foot on the Moon."

"Oh bullshit!" more than one insular Pureblood exclaimed, drawing attention of most of the Common Room. But ultimately her statement was validated. The game went on.

Katie Bell looked at Ginny and challenged "You Red?"

"Do your worst." The redhead fired back.

Grinning at her fellow Chaser, she smirked "You got it Weasley. I dare you to go right over to Mr. Harry Potter and give him a long juicy wet kiss. Tongue is expected."

"Uh-uh." Ginny shook her head mutely. She looked nervously over to where the Golden Trio were sitting, at least his back was to her at this embarrassing moment. Hardly anyone in fact was paying attention.

Except of course for the game players. Emily Stewart, her best girlfriend in her year, gave an evil laugh and commanded "Off you go Weasley. You agreed. Get to it."

"You're gonna pay, Stewart." Ginny grumbled as she stood from the group and made her way over, finally stopping next to the chair Harry was sitting in. Tapped him on the shoulder.

Harry looked up and smiled a bit happily. Of course he was pleased to see his favorite redhead. "What's up Gin?"

"Not much. Y'know. Defense, huh?" she replied, proud of her outward calm. She flashed a hostile look at her so-called-friends then grabbed Harry's face and crushed his lips with hers. After a minute or so, she decided this was quite pleasant. Fred, Ron and George's protests were to be blithely ignored. Hmmmm… I think that is Harry's left tonsil. Peaking at her gamemates, they were all cheering. As soon as she slid onto his lap she realized Harry was quite definitely enjoying himself. The bulge that moved along her thigh was at once embarrassing and exciting. Abruptly, she stopped, looked fearfully at Harry and fled the room squeaking "I can't believe I did that!"

Dean Thomas had been working up his courage to ask out the girl with three overprotective older brothers. This scene crushed his dreams.

Harry sat there in shock. That was probably the single most enjoyable experience in his life. He smiled the biggest smile of his life. Until he locked eyes with the Weasley brothers. "What?" he complained "She kissed me."

"You didn't have to look like you were enjoying it so much, mate." Observed Ron.

He looked at his Quidditch teammate and asked "Ange? What did Fred look like when Hermione caught you two in a fourth floor cupboard?"

"That's neither—" the twin blushed.

Hermione interrupted "Harry, you should go after Ginny."

"Great idea!" he responded enthusiastically, rushing out the door before Ginny's brothers could react.

Luna Lovegood was studying her Astronomy textbook near Hogwarts' main gates. She glanced up as her redheaded friend ran through them. A few minutes later a boy appeared, she immediately addressed him "Hello Harry Potter. You might be interested to know Ginevra Weasley went outside three minutes and eighteen seconds ago."

"Thanks!" he waved a salute as he shot past.

Ginny sighed when she looked up "Come to embarrass me more, Harry?"

"Why did you kiss me?" he wanted to know. Hoping very much it was because she liked him. It was a most enjoyable experience that he was looking forward to repeating.

She stood and angrily shouted "It was a stupid dare alright! I was playing a stupid game with a bunch of stupid girls and they thought it would be funny to humiliate me! There! Are you happy?"

"I see." Replied Harry, voice brittle, it was a knife through his ribs "Well trust me MISS Weasley kissing you was just as disgusting for me! Don't EVER humiliate ME like that again!"

Ginny recoiled from the usually gentle boy's fury, actually intimidated into silence. She watched his retreating back not knowing what had happened or how to react.

"Harry!" Hermione yelled, running up to him "Did you find Ginny?"

He snarled, then forced some of his anger away … not remotely all of it… and answered "Oh yeah. She's at the lake. And the bitch is lucky I didn't throw her ass in it."

"Speaking for my brothers we'd rather not see you kissing our sister." Ron wasn't as fast as Hermione and the twins were considerably slower.

Rolling his eyes Harry retorted "I can guarantee it'll never happen again. Would you like an Unbreakable to that effect?"


	157. Chapter 157:Population Speculation

**[a/n0]HAPPY 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY TO HDD!**

 **[a/n]** The idea stems from reading BJH's posting on the matter **.**

 **Harry Does Different ZzzzZZh**

Population Speculation

How many Magicals are there in Britain? BJH states JKR figured around 3100 and goes on to say Jo is bad with math. There is, I believe, actual Calculus formulae to work out numbers. Well, I wanted to be a pilot out of high school, and Calculus is required for Aeronautical Engineering. I averaged 20 on my first three quizzes, so I'm not going that route. And so I don't display any kind of bias, I'll present all my assumptions with reasoning first then do calculations at the end to see what spits out.

My method is following some much easier math. Look at the population of Hogwarts. There are four Houses. Potter wikia specifically names six to ten students of both genders in Harry's year in each House, plus numerous names in 1990s without specific years. Let's go with twelve per House per Year on average. So, 12 x 4 = 48 x 7 = 336

Students are age eleven to eighteen. And we are assuming Hogwarts is the only Wizarding school in Britain.

I looked up Population of US on Wikipedia and they have a lovely Population Pyramid broken out by age. It also breaks the population into Male and Female. The chart shows 10 million boys between ages 10-14 and 12 million boys between ages 15-19, then 10 million girls between ages 10-14 and 11 million girls between ages 15-19. Each age bracket is 1 year too long for Hogwarts, so knock 3 million off each bracket for each sex. Totaling out then, there's 19 million boys between ages 11-18 and 18 million girls between ages 11-18. The total US Population is 328 million. 37/328 means boys and girls 11-18 are 11percent of US Population.

336 is 11percent of 3054. I suppose Jo didn't do too bad after all. With a 1995 UK population of 57 million [keeping it within the HP timeline] that's a 1:19,000 Magical to Muggle ratio. Work that out to the world there will be 369,000 Magicals on Earth. For Brits, that's less than Bristol. In America, call it Atlanta. That's for the whole world. Good thing there's Muggles, you'd never notice Magicals if you passed by on a starship.

The only literature I ever read with a planetary Human population of that level are new colonies on new worlds, Isaac Asimov's Robot Series and cataclysm tales.

I can't true that up with some of the other occurrences in the books or movies. First would be the vast wealth frequently displayed or implied. Harry's small trust vault comes to mind. I won't get into the crazy amounts some fanfics give Harry. Is Earth worth a Quadrillion Dollars?! The money needed to fund building the Quidditch World Cup stadium. Modern major ones cost up to $1billion. Then there's the stadium itself, as shown in the movie it would hold a significant fraction of the global population. The crowds shown at Hogsmeade and Diagon in the movies are certainly hundreds maybe thousands. I don't think most of Magical Britain turns out to go school shopping on the same day Hagrid brings Harry. Then there's all the people at the Battle of Hogwarts.

My belief is the world depicted has many times the magical Britons that Hogwarts seems to supply. How? A couple ways come to mind. Magicals are longer lived than Muggles, Dumbledore is awfully mobile for 150. Maybe the current crop of kids is low because of the last war, whole hallways are empty. Or…well, Hogwarts is described, several times, as _The finest magical School in Britain._ No one ever says it's the ONLY.


	158. Chapter 158:Stardate 12563

**[a/n0]** Everyone should take a look at the reviews for #157. There are some interesting commentaries on magical populations.

 **[a/n]** Thanks to kb0 whose Harry's Trek got this one off the ground

[a/n1]Star Trek Characters from The Original & Animated series

 **Harry Does Different ZzzzZZi**

Stardate 1256.3

Harry meets Kirk and crew.

The Battle of Hogwarts had come to a climax. Actually few fights were going on in the main courtyard. This was because most combatants were watching the main event. There was a flame of green energy lashing out from the Dark Lord, it was being met by an equally intense finger of red fire coming from The-Boy-Who-Lived. The space between the pair was a boiling writhing mass unlike anyone has ever seen. It moved between the leaders as more and more power was used. Finally, there was one overwhelming flash. Those not killed in the blast were left to gape at a hole larger than most houses. Then they had to wonder what happened to Harry Potter and Lord Voldemort.

Two enemies were sucked into a rather narrow tunnel. Too confined for any type of wand usage, battle became purely a physical Muggle type. Harry's hands found his enemy's throat and squeezed. Tightening and twisting he eventually felt no more resistance. The Voldemort War was over.

Abcij

Captain's Log: Stardate 1256.3 The USS Enterprise has left behind the world of Megas-tu. I found it deeply humbling to meet a being thought to be the ultimate evil of Christianity. Remarkably, Lucien or Lucifer, was just a bit of mischief. He reminded me rather fondly of my old Academy friend Richard Finnegan. We should be re-entering Federation space in approximately one week, taking a slightly different course home to ensure we encounter different species than on the way out. I am hoping for a peaceful trip.

"Captain, wormhole! Emergency stop!" the three legged, three armed Edosian announced and his hands raced over his control board. The starship went from warp 6 to motionless in just over two seconds. However that was enough time for the phenomenon to travel the radius of Enterprise's saucer section.

James Tiberius Kirk spun around in his command chair and bellowed "Red Alert! Lt. M'Ress order all stations report damage to First Officer."

"Explosive decompression, decks 4, 3 and 2." Spock answered coolly "Medical teams to affected decks. And bridge viewscreen destroyed. Casualties unknown. Dr. McCoy to the bridge." He walked over to the wreckage at the front of the command deck "One and approximately ¾ apparently human of unknown origin. Condition critical."

The CMO arrived and gruffly demanded "Where's the injury? Never mind, I see. Microcephalic stimulator, 2 millivolts. Cordrazine, 10cc."

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" the patient screamed, seizing his doctor's throat, then promptly lapsed into unconsciousness.

After securing the patient to a mobile anti-grav biobed, McCoy said "I know, Jim. Full casualty reports in ten minutes. Especially our mystery man and the blackened glob there, I assume. No worries."

Abcij

"Nothin good, sair." Complained the Chief Engineer "Be most of a week 'fore we kin fabricate enough plating to patch the hull."

The senior officers met in Sickbay to accommodate the doctor who refused to leave his star patient. "Bones?" asked the Captain.

McCoy replied "Very lucky no one was sucked out of the ship. A blamed miracle. But I've got three men and two women regrowing lungs. Breathing space does that to the pulmonary system. Half a dozen cases of vacuum blistering, too."

"How about our mystery man?" Jim wanted to know.

McCoy shrugged "Dammifino Jim. He shouldn't be alive if what Spock tells me is right. And I haven't a clue how he's healing. Should be out at least another couple days. As for—"

"Fess Gonog" said patient muttered, then half laughed as his eyes slitted open "Who misused Polyjuice?" the laugh degenerated into a hacking cough.

The Caitian officer reported "Mrrrooww Lt Uhura onmmmm the bridge advises Starfleet Commroowand replied asking if we need a support ship."

"No sair." Answered Scotty "We should be underway by the time they get here."

Kirk ordered "Send Mr. Scott's evaluation, Lt M'Ress." Then turned his attention to the prone patient "If you're well enough to joke, you're well enough to answer some questions, mister. Name?"

"Harry Potter." The patient looked around blurrily "Wher'm'i?"

Nodding, the man in the gold shirt said "Alright, fair enough. Kirk, Spock, McCoy. And you're on my ship, the USS Enterprise, which you caused about a half-billion credits damage to."

"USS?" asked Harry "American?"

"A little larger than that, Federation starship." Answered Kirk.

Spock's raised eyebrow settled to normal after rising "Captain, if I may? Mr. Potter, where are you from."

"I was defending a school in Scotland." He answered, then sat up sharply in the bed "Voldemort! What happened to him?"

McCoy answered "If you mean the other person you were with, I am sorry to say he or she did not survive."

"Are you sure?" demanded Harry.

The CMO gave an odd look "I've been a doctor longer than you've been alive. And I know a dead person when I see one, even if I can't tell much else. Who was it, son?"

"Mass murderer, sir, him and his army killed hundreds trying to revolt." Harry gave a short answer then "You're sure he's dead?"

Spock gave the facts coolly "Based on your mass of 150 pounds and the additional non-animate 128 pounds 9 ounces, and estimated ¾ plus or minus 10percent emerged with you in the wormhole."

"Wormhole?" asked Harry, curiously. He was semi-convinced Voldemort was really dead "I'd burn whatever remains, he's been dead before."

Kirk gave a look "A wormhole is how you got aboard my ship. And I'd appreciate an explanation. My superiors are going to want an answer as to why parts of it are left behind."

"We could tell Starfleet the Megans kept it, Jim." Quipped McCoy.

Harry wanted to know "Megans?"

"Extradimensional beings who once visited Earth. They used the knowledge and abilities from their homeworld to teach Humanity to further its civilization." Explained Spock.

Harry gave a vaguely comprehending nod and tiredly asked "Some water, please?"

"Bones? Spock? Charlie?" Kirk ejaculated at his officers as a nearby sink turned on and a cup floated to the patient.

The Vulcan shook his head "Forgive the reminder, Captain, but that is reminiscent of an act by Commander Mitchell."

"Oops, sorry." Harry sheepishly apologized "But you've seen magic?"

The Captain touched a button on the wall and commanded "Security to Sickbay two guards, phasers on kill."

"Kill!?" exclaimed Harry "Waitaminute!"

Kirk spun around harshly and retorted "I have no idea where you're from. What I do know is you delayed my ship by over a week and caused a billion credits damage. Being reminded of some of my most painful moments is no way to get on my good side."

"If you Americans know about magic, then I demand to speak with the British Magical Ambassador." Harry had come so close to dying so many times, he wasn't scared so much as angry. "As for killing…lots of people tried. Including Voldemort and such. You lot don't look near as impressive."

Spock interjected to sidetrack his superior's flash of anger "Perhaps, Mr. Potter, you can explain the circumstances of your arrival. Particularly of interest is the death of your relative."

"That was Voldemort! He most DEFINITELY is NOT related to me!" Harry snapped angrily.

McCoy put in "Sorry son, maybe you didn't know. But I took a sample from you and from the remains that came through with you. From genetic crossmatching I was able to identify a male, age inconclusive, but a 32percent match. You only get that much from family, close family. A little less than parents, but more than a cousin."

"I was involved in a magical fight for my life." Explained Harry "Voldemort was trying to murder me and everyone I know. He's dead because I won."

Spock then put in "An observation, and please refrain from rampant emotionalism. I have queried our records and all recent updates. None of them mention any type of attack on any Scottish school. Could there be a temporal as well as spatial component to the wormhole?"

"All this doubletalk is getting pretty annoying! Where the bloody hell am I anyway?" Harry suddenly demanded, erasing any doubt of his origin.

The arriving redshirts, which also included Scotty, who chuckled "Not a doubt. Laddie's definitely from near me home."

"Mr. Potter, to your reckoning, what is the date?" asked Spock, only pausing over the engineer's comment.

He shrugged "June 4th. 5th."

"Indulge me. The year?" the Science Officer persisted.

Harry gave an impatient eyeroll "Anno Domini 1997."

"This will come as a shock. You are currently traveling at, in your terms, some 50,000 miles per second towards generally speaking Earth, some 20,000 light years distant in the direction of Sag-A Star which is the Galaxy's central supermassive black hole. The date is, in Earth terminology November 7, 2267." Spock orated.

This made Harry blink "Three hundred years! Not on Earth? No. I don't believe it."

"For the moment, take the walking computer's word for it, son." The Doctor advised "We'll show you a view out a window soon enough. Nothing but stars out. For now, I think my patient needs some sleep."

Harry chuckled fondly "Yes, Mr. Pomfrey. Sorry, Healer, that's just what my favorite Mediwitch would say."

"We found nothing identifiable as a weapon, sir." The redshirt said "A metal beltbuckle, an assortment of Bronze, Silver and Gold coins. Each tested at .999 pure. A small fortune…back in the day. Clothes, mostly ruined. The only other things were these two wood sticks. Common Earth trees. Elm and sambucus. Both contain feathers of birds we could not identify. We also have no way of explaining how the feathers got in there. Lt. Kyle suspects some kind of transporter accident."

Harry wasn't going to be without a means of defense, he reached out and managed to summon both, and accidently a Sickle. After catching them out of the air he explained "They're called wands. A wizard's do-it-all tool. No self-respecting Magical goes without."

"I would appreciate you ASKING for something, Mr. Potter." Kirk complained.

Harry gave an unrepentant shrug and replied "One's mine the other is the bad guy's. I still don't know where I am and you already threatened me once. I'm a lot safer with these and you can't use them."

"Now, Jim, take the tension down a bit." McCoy advised "If he feels safer somehow… and as he says, they belong to him. They did arrive with him in the wormhole."

The Captain growled, but said "Fine Bones. But listen to what I tell my men… Both of you, constant surveillance. I mean CONSTANT. At the first sign of a threat, shoot first ask questions later. Are we clear?"

"Yessir!" both redshirts rapped out militarily and focused on the patient.

Harry tucked one wand into the loose patient clothes, the other he kept in his hands offering coolly "They're as safe as me, Captain."

"No more of that in my Sickbay." McCoy snapped "Jim, a lone teenager, three hundred years from his home, is not a threat. And since you do respect Healers, Harry, take a nap. Doctor's orders."


	159. Chapter 159:Revenge

**[a/n]** Yes I skipped ZzzzZZj (btw, these Zs are becoming too long, I think i'll switch to Roman numerals at the end of this trip thru the alphabet) that's being worked on as a request forSakura Lisel which is becoming a project. Might post 1 or 2 more before it's ready.

 **Harry Does Different ZzzzZZk**

Revenge

"What're you doing, Hermione?" Harry peaked over his friend's shoulder.

She looked up a little red-faced "Magical makeup doesn't work so well on me. I tend to break out."

"You can do that." He was deeply surprised "How's it work?"

She went on to explain "Simple really. Mail order. This is called the Sears catalog. You can order most anything. I have a dozen order forms. Mum and Dad will pay for most anything I order, the item gets delivered to them and they owl it to me."

"Mind if I leaf through it?" asked Harry interestedly. He later did so and finally had a few items "These alright? I can give you the Galleons for them. What? About 200?"

The girl's eyes almost popped out of her head "Harry! What on Earth would you need a 4 foot long chainsaw and gasoline for?"

"A bit of revenge." He replied with a smirk "Don't worry. I promise I will not use it on any student or the castle."

It was with more than a little trepidation that she finally nodded "Alright….I have your real word? Right?"

"Packages Potter!" announced Draco from across the Hall a couple weeks later.

Harry shouted back "Nothing you'd be interested in, purely Muggle!" then to his best friends "Tonight. Just after curfew. Ron, you'll enjoy this."

That night, under cover of Harry's Invisibility Cloak, the trio lugged his rather bulky brown box through the castle and out the main gates. They stopped within sight of the Whomping willow. This was where he told them to open it. Inside was fully two gallons of gasoline and a four foot chainsaw, compliments of the Sears Summer Catalog. Returnable for full refund within 90 days. Some assembly required. In this, Ron was quite useless, he had to be stopped from tasting the gasoline. Harry and Hermione did reasonably well. Soon, Harry was pointing it like a shotgun, and revving the blades… looking a little demented.

"So? What's this all about then?" Ron wanted to know.

Harry gave a maniacal laugh and ordered "Go on Ron, get close enough for it to take a swipe at you. Don't worry, I'll be right behind you." The Muggle contraption roared under his urging.

Not a single student in the castle heard any of the yelling, buzzing or thumping. Everyone slept the night away in peace and comfort. It was Hagrid who brought the news in the morning, racing through the Great Hall until he was huffing and puffing in front of the Head Table "Pro…fessor…Dum…ble…door! The Whomp…ing Will…ow! Nothing left of it but-but saw…dust!"

"Professor Sprout, Professor Flitwick, please check the scene of the crime for magic. Anything powerful enough to do that could be a danger to Hogwarts." The Headmaster ordered. No one thought to look at the package neatly stored under Harry Potter's four-poster.

Only once did Harry tell the story, and that in the Room of Requirement, to Fred and George Weasley concluding "And that's what it gets for beating up on the Anglia! With me, Hedwig and Ron in it!"


	160. Chapter 160:Transylvania 6-5000

**[a/n]Cheers to** Kairan1979 who came down on the side of the Willow.

 **[a/n]** I can't really call one Bugs Bunny cartoon my #1 favorite but this one's in my top 50.

 **Harry Does Different ZzzzZZl**

Transylvania 6-5000

Harry Potter was laying on the floor watching television. He had little choice but to watch whatever his cousin wanted. But in this case, he rather approved of this choice. Warner Bros cartoons! On came a Bugs Bunny episode entitled Transylvania 6-5000. It began with a vulture woman with two heads admiring how tasty Bugs looked. Our hero idly moseyed on down the road coming to a castle he mistakes for a motel. He's admitted by the opportunistic vampire.

"Harry? Are there vampires?" asked Dudley.

To which, the young wizard giggled "Well, we haven't covered them yet." Harry admitted "But, if it wasn't for the fact he teaches, I'd swear one of my professors is one."

To this, Dudley shuddered and went back to the cartoon "Well, this guy don't seem so smart anyway."

Bugs was reading from a book, that frankly, Harry found interesting "MAGIC WORDS AND PHRASES. Magic can be performed by either the use of Potions." To this, Harry cringed at the reminder of Snape "Or the use of magic words and phrases."

Both boys tensed as the evil vampire opened a panel in the wall behind Bugs' head to grab the unsuspecting rabbit.

"Among the most powerful of these" Bugs continued to read "is the word abba-Abba Cadabra."

The two cousins squeaked in shock as the vampire turned into an overgrown insect looking thing with ridiculously small purple wings. They both burst out laughing when Bugs pulled a flyswatter and crushed what he called a mosquito.

"Another highly useful word" Bugs went back to the book "is Hocuspocus. Magic words...it is to laugh."

This, the cousins found funny as the vampire had flown out the bedroom window turned back into a man. And plummeted to the moat FAR below.

"That looks a bit like Gryffindor tower." Harry commented on the scene. "First Year dorms are about that high."

Dudley wanted to know "Weren't you scared? Up all that way?"

"Nah." Harry shook his head "Loved it almost like flying on my broom."

Dudley decided he didn't want to know.

By now the cartoon lagomorph hero was strolling through the castle idly entertaining himself singing "Lah-dah-dah-dee-duuh-da Abba Cadabraaaaaa! Lah-dah-dah-dee-duuh-da Hocus Pocus!" The pursuing vampire was injured by turning back from a bat into a man while suspended from a door arch.

Harry and Dudley bonded over laughing at the now not-so-alarming transformation.

"Now I crush you!" the vampire announced in a menacing voice.

The cousins cringed as the shadow of a massive rock loomed over Bugs.

"Abba Cadabra!" Bugs suddenly chanted. The vampire turned into a bat, holding a massive rock in the air. With nothing to support it in midair, the rock crashed down with a loud thump.

Harry and Dudley both winced in sympathetic pain with the villain. Then they giggled.

"Hocus Pocus!" came a muffled voice from under the rock. The huge vampire man reappeared looming over our hero again threatening to bring the rock down on him.

They cheered "Say it again Bugs!"

"Abba Cadabra!" Bugs again chanted and the villain was flattened.

Harry rolled over and high-fived Dudley cheering the apparent underdog's victory.

Once you've seen it once, the menace lessens considerably. The poor villain got more and more wounded looking after each repeated crushing of his bat form by the large rock. Finally though, something changed, Bugs was removing his catcher's uniform and he didn't say Abba Cadabra, he said "Abra capocus!"

The cousins looked at each other in confusion.

The vampire returned to man size but still had a bat head.

"Mmm-ahhh Hocus Cadabra?" said Bugs.

The vampire's man sized head now had bat wings where ears might normally be.

"Newport News." Said Bugs.

Now a confused witch Hazel appeared aboard her broom.

Both cousins were now laughing up a storm.

"Wow I can do better than that." Bugs decided "Walawala Washington."

Witch Hazel turned into a tuxedo clad two-headed male vulture.

"Huh?" asked Harry with a shrug. And Dudley replied with a head scratch.

Bugs called on the two-headed female vulture who immediate took to chasing the unwilling two-headed male vulture saying "Isn't it romantic!"

"At last a teley-oh-phone!" Bugs was relieved. He called "Acme travel agency, I have a complaint." And while on hold, sung "Lah-dah-dah-dee-duuh-da Abra Capocus!" His ears became bat wings and he decided to fly home.

After laughing at the ending, Dudley wanted to know "Can you lot really do things like that?"

"Dunno, haven't covered it yet." Harry was rather dismissive about the whole thing, but as he made his way to his small bedroom decided to have some fun "After all i wouldn't really be doing magic."

The Dursleys came together for supper at 5:45PM. This was utterly normal for the utterly normal Surrey family. The meal always began within 20 minutes of the patriarch's arrival and Vernon was rarely more than 15 minutes late getting home from work as he traveled south from London every day. He ordered gruffly "Get to it boy! You know better than to sit with the family."

"Lah-dah-dah-dee-duuh-da Abra Cadabra!" Harry pointed his wand and sparks came out.

The Dursleys looked on in worry as the bowl of steaming spaghetti floated over.

"Milk? Juice? Coke?" asked Harry, still without getting up from his chair he sung "Lah-dah-dah-dee-duuh-da Hocus Po-ocus!"

The gallon bottle of milk, a half-gallon of grape juice and a 20oz bottle of Coke left the suddenly open refrigerator. They all floated to the table. The Dursleys were aghast. Dudley complained "But you said this morning! You didn't learn this!"

"If it's good enough for Bugs Bunny, it's good enough for Harry Potter." He said with an uncaring shrug "Ain't it cool? "Lah-dah-dah-dee-duuh-da Hocus Cadabra!"

The meatballs floated over on a plate, but the spaghetti sauce looked like milk. Vernon groaned at the unpleasant image.

Harry bit into one and chewed happily. It was delicious "Yumm!" The admonition against using magic away from school didn't seem to apply when using words created by Warner Bros. Harry enjoyed his summer.


	161. Chapter 161:Stupid Order

**[a/n]** To Jake, who asked about the Big Hairy monster from WB, his name is Gossamer. Though he didn't at first have a name when he appeared in Hareraising Hare. Marvin the Martian named him. Eager Young Space Cadet Porky defeated Gossamer with barber clippers. Seems he was ALL hair.

[a/n1]Minor oops. This was 4th Year so Cedric was the casualty.

 **Harry Does Different ZzzzZZm**

Stupid Order

"Dursley, I trust you'll understand, Harry there is very important to a lot of people." Alastor Moody put a faux-friendly arm over Harry's uncle and grinned at him "So we just want to make sure the lad is well treated. You get my general meaning?"

Vernon snarled "Are you threatening me sir?"

"Well now you're catching on!" exclaimed Moody with the same tone, of talking to a dim child.

By the time he pilled into #4's driveway, Vernon was seething "Get your freak stuff in the house quick as scat boy!" he ordered harshly, and after slamming his car door shut added "And if I see so much as a scratch on my bumper I'll take it outta yer freak hide!"

"Just try it fat ass!" Harry growled back, all his anger and misery over the death of Cedric bubbled out. It was miserable enough as things were he then muttered to himself "Stupid Moody really made it better." He dragged his trunk into #4's foyer and it was pure instinct that made him dodge the incoming fist. Well mostly, it glanced off his shoulder without much harm at all.

Vernon waited, fuming, while the freak took forever to comply with his simple order. And the longer it took the angrier he got. The freak's turned back somehow pushed him over the edge, it offended him somehow. Out of the sight of any neighbor, he could dish out some proper punishment, so he shouted "DON'T TURN YOUR BACK ON ME BOY!" and swung. To his horror the brat moved, must be some freak thing. Vernon's momentum sent him over the trunk "YAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Take that! And that! AND THAT!" Harry's adrenaline pounded in his ears as he kicked, double-axe handled and drove his knees into Vernon's vulnerable body. A single punch to the jaw dropped Petunia when she tried to intervene. When Dudley came charging out of the kitchen, he fired a freezing spell at the floor and his cousin's feet went in opposite directions. Harry could only laugh while he cried and cradled his groin. Looking at the writhing mass of misery, he took on a look of disgust and growled "I hate all of you! I hate this fucking HOUSE! I'm leaving and never fucking coming BACK!"

On Wisteria Ln not 10 minutes later an oddly dressed man approached the still shaking teen and ordered "Ya need ta git back in that house, boy."

"Mind your own fucking business!" Harry was still in a vulgar mood "Who the hell are you to tell me what to do?"

The bald man identified himself "Mundungus Fletcher, Order of the Phoenix, assigned by Albus Dumbledore for your protection. Now get back in your uncle's house."

"Well you did a pretty good job, git." Sneered Harry, holding up his wand to summon the Knight Bus.

The adult wizard got angry at the defiance pulled his wand and lashed out with an enraged " _Crucio_!"

" _Expelliarmus_! _Reducto_!" countered Harry, he didn't have the chance to see the effect as the Knight Bus clanged up. He jumped in and yelled "Leaky Cauldron!"

The purple triple-decker hardly got off Wisteria before four Aurors apparated aboard, rendered Harry unconscious and disapparated. They delivered him to a Ministry holding cell. The Wizengamot was called into emergency session by Minister for Magic Fudge himself. "A most serious case we have to deal with this evening. The lesser charge of Use of Magic in Front of Muggles. A much more serious charge of capital murder. The defendant Harry James Potter."

abcij

"What? Who?" the accused cried out from the defendant's chair. He hadn't the chance to speak to a soul, just sat on the floor of his cell.

A severe looking witch commented "The accused certainly has the right to know the identity of his victim."

"I would think, Madam Bones, someone in the position of enforcing the law would at least sympathize with the crime victim and not the criminal." A pink dressed witch countered.

Dumbledore protested "I am the first to demand justice, Madam Umbridge, however Madam Bones is not now sitting as a representative of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, but as the House Bones Regent. And it is a valid point, Harry the man you attacked was Mundungus Fletcher. A man responsible for your safety."

"I only defended myself!" yelled Harry, then less loud "Said be belonged to some Phoenix group. Tried to drag me back to my uncle, who'd just beat me."

The old wizard, clearly not on the defendant's side, frowned and said "Come Harry, surely that's an exaggeration, at least. Your relatives provided love and a good home for you." Nor was he pleased at the uncovering of his Order.

"Hemhem! I think, Minister, simple matters of childhood discipline are beneath our notice." The pink-clad witch complained with a shudder "We are trying a murderer."

Madam Bones pointed out "Not to correct my esteemed colleague, but I'll note for the record that we are trying an ALLEGED murderer. One only is a murderer after conviction."

"So noted." Fudge said with distaste. "The accused has not yet been convicted."

Harry didn't like that at all "I guess I shouldn't defend myself against a _Crucio_!"

"There was no such evidence of that. Just a dead body, Mr. Potter." Fudge countered.

Harry snorted "Just like all the proof of Sirius' guilt? How about _Priori Incantatum_? Try that on that scumbag's wand!"

"Harry, shame on you for insulting the memory of the dead." Dumbledore scolded, fixing him with a disappointed look.

His friends were there, looking both scared and profoundly unwilling to associate themselves with the case.

"I am of the opinion Mr. Potter's request has some merit." Madam Bones offered "To further the case for justice, of course. I think it wise to perform Priori on BOTH his and Mr. Fletcher's."

Minister Fudge was set to rule against the request, but he saw the nodding of heads so "The sense of the Wizengamot seems to support more discovery. Very well, I Cornelius Fudge, order _Priori Incantatum_ on both wands. Auror Tonks, if you please." He waited importantly while the requested evidence stumbled its way to the center of the courtroom.

"Two Cruciatus Curses from Mr. Fletcher's wand." She reported "A Disarming Charm and Basting Hex from Mr. Potter."

Not looking pleased Fudge said "Thank you, Auror. What have we to draw from that?"

"I should like to know how Mr. Potter managed to throw off such a spell." Madam Umbridge questioned "Surely that must be a dark ability, possibly connected to his Parseltongue skill."

Harry really did not like the pink-clad woman "Well, I guess after taking it from Voldemort, the slimeball wasn't strong enough to hurt me."

"Silence Potter!" Fudge gaveled and his wand emitted a blast of light "You-Know-Who is DEAD!"

Harry snorted "Can't even say VOLDEMORT. Ha. Coward. I guess Cedric died of what? Oh, I know, dragonpox."

"Mr. Potter!" she shrilled "Respect for the Minister!"

Harry was most unsubtle "Kiss my ass bitch. Oops. I meant witch."

"While we may sanction Mr. Potter for profanity," Madam Bones spoke severely but had an amused look "I do not see that we can convict him of murder. Seems to me this is a case of self defense pure and simple."

Dumbledore argued "Nothing, Amelia, is simple when we are talking about a human life. I do not see that this can be brushed off with a slap on the wrist."

"Why not?" asked Harry angrily "Snape lets Malfoy off every time he insults Hermione. Doesn't even deduct a House point."

The Headmaster looked disappointed, chastised him "The two, Harry, are not in any way similar. A schoolboy indiscretion in no way equals a murder. Down that path leads darkness and the way of Voldemort."

"So, Draco grows up to be Snape and Snape grows up to be Voldemort." Retorted Harry, as uncaring of the protests as Albus himself.

Repeated flashed of light and bangs came from Fudge's wand eventually quieted the Wizengamot "Very well, those voting guilty?" … Some hands went up, among them, Madam Umbridge and Minister Fudge … "Not Guilty?" Dumbledore did not raise his hand for either, but a majority went Not. Loathing to say the words, Fudge announced "Accused is cleared! Case dismissed."

"Great job Harry!" exclaimed Ron.

Hermione was less enthusiastic "Professor Dumbledore was really worried about you. That man….he was a member of The Order of the Phoenix. You know it's supposed to be secret. He-"

" _Crucio_ ed me, Hermione." He cut in, annoyed "He was a Dementor at Durzkaban. And I am NEVER going back to that hellhole!"

Abcij

The arrival at Grimmauld Pl was triumphant. Freed of her official duties, Nymphadora pushed Harry into the arms of escaped felon Sirius Black "Well bloody done! There is some justice in the world!"

"What justice? The boy murdered an Order member and got off." Hestia Jones was NOT among those cheering.

Harry pushed away from his Godfather and demanded "Well who the hell'er you?"

"I was taking out Death Eaters BEFORE you were in diapers." The witch shot back.

Dumbledore interjected "Now, Hestia, you are free to dislike the outcome. Nevertheless, the Wizengamot chose to not convict Harry. And we must move forward."

"NO thanks to you, old man!" yelled Harry, with far more hate in his eyes than what he directed at Hestia.

Mrs. Weasley protested "Now, Harry, he is our leader and deserving of utmost respect."

"HE wanted me convicted! YOU didn't see it! My opinion, for what it's worth, that bastard was a Death Eater." Harry threw out the accusation, then back to the Headmaster, growled "I hate you! If I wasn't in Hogwarts I'd never see you again!"

Albus sighed as the boy stormed away "I fear this will lead to a dark daaaaark place. Everyone, I strongly recommend watching Harry MOST closely. He certainly will be, in school."

"Anyone planning to report on Harry can leave… now." Sirius declared "All you see is some misbehaving child. I see a man who never had a childhood, something I can relate to. My position is this, Albus, if we ever hold a leader of the light election….Harry gets my vote."

Hestia sneered "You aren't in charge here, Black."

"Do I head the Order? No, my dear." Sirius acknowledged, just a bit condescending "BUT… *holding up a finger* I AM in charge here. And anyone who … well, I suppose it's alright to dislike Harry… but anyone not showing him the full respect he's due will be shown the door. Or, maybe thrown through it."

Harry, for the first time in a few days, smiled. He thoroughly enjoyed his Godfather's support.


	162. Chapter 162:Of iPhones and iPADs

**[a/n]** Take 5 points if you know the TV show mentioned in the punchline. nonAmericans take 10. Detention for not knowing the guest family.

 **Harry Does Different ZzzzZZn**

Of iPhones and iPADs

"You are Albus Severus." Harry told the new First Year "Named after the two bravest men I ever knew." [a/n: Can see my way clear with Albus. NOT Severus.]

Meanwhile, not too far away twin redheads were hugging their father. "Yes Daddy. Remember what Professor Longbottom said. We can take Alan with us. Hogwarts welcomes pets like owls, cats and toads." Twin #1 said, just a little petulantly.

"And we'll email you every day." Twin #2 promised.

The train whistle blew. The father buried his face between his girls' chests, unashamedly sobbing, pulling them close "Lunch and dinner EVERY night. Both of you. And you don't have classes seven days a week so I want to see pictures on Facebook. Your classrooms, dormrooms, classmates, everything. And Facetime. I can't go three months without seeing the most beautiful girls in the world."

"Yessss….Daaaaaaadiiiiiiieeeeeeee!" they both drawled out melodramatically, though they had tears in their eyes too.

Harry gave a grin to Ron and Hermione as they said their last goodbyes, then a not friendly nod to Draco and Astoria Malfoy. That was when he noticed the pair of girls climbing aboard. He squeezed his wife's shoulders and pointed "Hey Gin, check that out. Poor Neville, he's gonna think it's a Weasley invasion."

"Quiet you!" she poked his ribs "Come on then. It's impolite to talk about people without introducing yourself. Hello there….Ginny Potter, my husband Harry, we couldn't help noticing your daughters. Muggleborn, I assume since we're not related, that we know of anyway?"

The man shook her hand, then Harry's politely enough "Muggle, I read about that, your way of referring to …well… everyone else. Hello. Yes, I do see our particular gift. I did notice a few other gingers. Since you're introducing yourselves to me, am I to suppose you're related to the others?"

"Ron, my brother." She confirmed "He's a little anti-social when it comes to not being in his shop."

The man nodded a little absently, looking for his daughters' faces aboard the train "Chris Columbus, my girls Violet and Eleanor, first time we've ever been separated. Good thing I got them iPhones and an iPad. Oh, there they are." He waved with one hand while holding something the Magicals didn't recognize. As the train started moving all the kids could be seen waving to their parents. A few had something similar, both kids and parents.

"Potter, Weasley, your pet Muggles get more daft every year." Draco Malfoy stood with his wife, both were above anything so vulgar as waving.

Harry turned and grimaced "Chris, I have the unfortunate duty to introduce you to Draco and Astoria Malfoy. Moreso that he's family. Astoria's sister Daphne is married to Ginny's brother Charlie and Draco and I are cousins. The Malfoys represent a part of our society that believe Muggles and Muggleborns, like you and your daughters, are basically lower lifeforms."

"I see." Said Mr. Columbus, he made no effort to take a hand that wasn't offered anyway "So refreshing to see Nazis are alive and well."

The Malfoys became haughtily disinterested and departed.

Ginny stepped into the tension "My Father is in charge of our government's relationship with yours, so he's fascinated. Could you tell me? What did you call it? Mypad?"

"This is an iPhone, made by a company called Apple." The Muggle explained, holding up one, and deliberately putting the Malfoys out of his mind "On it, I can call anyone in England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland without paying long distance. [a/n:No, I don't know British cellphone plans] I can even have a video conversation with anyone who as a similar phone. It has both a still and video camera, so I can take a picture, like this of my daughters waving. I can use it to check my email, share pictures or video on social media like Snapchat and Facebook. Social media? No? Converse with people all over the world, reunite with old friends you lost contact with for whatever reason. Express your political views…well, as long as you don't offend the wrong people and get yourself banned. And you haven't a clue as to what I mean. Internet? World Wide Web?"

Harry and Ginny both shook their heads ruefully and laughed "No. Not really."

"Then I wonder how long i can keep in touch E & Vi." Said Chris with a melancholy sigh.

Harry offered "Well I'll write to my oldest, James, he's a Gryffindor Prefect… ahh…sort of an officer student at the school. He'll lead them to where the school owls are and you can send letters back and forth that way easily."

"I thank you both for your courtesy. Sincerely." The Muggle replied, but now with new concerns "Bird delivery seems a rather slow and, not to be rude… insecure… way to communicate. Perhaps I can show you what I mean. See? Let me do Facetime. I'm calling Violet's phone … there she is… hi Vi. This is Harry and Ginny, parents I met."

A redhead image filled the screen "Hi Daddy. Hello. E's here too."

"Your Father was telling us about these interesting …iPADs… he called them. Amazing, really. I'm Harry Potter." He introduced himself "Not to sound immodest, but you'll probably hear a bit about me. If you girls ask around the train for either a Potter or a Weasley, one of them will help you in using an owl to write back and forth with your Father."

A voice, not the girl's face Harry saw, must be Eleanor asked "An owl? Really? You don't do email? I'd go crazy without Facebook."

"Daddy? You're getting all pixely." Violet commented.

Ginny was the first of the adults to notice "Your daughter stopped moving."

"So I see." Chris observed, unworried. He tapped a red button on the screen and the display changed, surprising the Magical couple "They'll try a regular call. If not, there's always the Wi-Fi hotspot on the iPAD."

Harry considered himself more up on the Muggle world than your average wizard, having spent the first half of his life there and with Dudley's occasional correspondence, surely he was up to date. Those terms Chris used offhandedly left Harry feeling lost. All he could do is grunt "Huh?"

"This is an iPhone." Chris again held up the device, then the bag draped over his shoulder and resting at his hip, "In here is an iPAD. It's larger and you can't use it to talk, but it has more range and more data storage. Neither of you have heard of the largest company on the Planet? Apple? Well, this has been educational. I bet they lose signal altogether from your reactions, not a cell tower on the horizon." He wrote his name and address in London on a paper.

Ginny gave an odd look and queried "Why not use a quill?"

"A pleasure meeting you both." He didn't…couldn't…frame an answer to that question, so he made an excuse "Have to put in my half-day at the office. Write me soon, please. I have many questions." As he strolled away he idly sung from an old TV show…"No phone, no lights, no motor car, Not a single luxury Like Robinson Crusoe It's primitive as can be."


	163. Chapter 163:Anastasia Dursley nee Malfoy

**[a/n0]** Didn't remember the'Weird Al' reference to 'Amish Paradise' but yeah stellar song. I even like most of his hits where I didn't care for the original. That and the Flintstones song, Gump too.

 **[a/n1]** "I wont read an HP based ad for Apple!" says one review of the last chapter. **giggle**

 **[a/n]** Offered as a prequel to #141 & #147. Those two represent different sides of Dudley fathering a magical child with the Squib sister of Draco. This is her early life, which also could lead to either person.

 **Harry Does Different ZzzzZZp**

Anastasia Dursley nee Malfoy

***Halloween 1982 Malfoy Castle

"Bad Dobby! Bad Dobby!" the future of the Malfoy line was practicing his Elf technique with a Beater's bat on the floppy eared creature easily double his size

Dobby was under Master's standing orders exactly how to react. He was to cry out, back away, allow the Young Master to hit him, and repeat. Always ensuring Young Master was completely safe when out of either Master's or Mistress' sight.

"Draco, stop playing and come. Follow me to your Father's office." Commanded Mother.

Narcissa Malfoy swept into her husband's private sanctum and other than allowing her Son entry took absolute command of the room "Lucius, I am delighted to announce our family is due to get a little larger by about mid-June."

"Ahh…most excellent." The recently minted head of the Malfoy Family was pleased "This could lock my claim on the Black line. Yes, yes indeed. I can begin quietly spreading our having heir to both Malfoys and Blacks. Nothing too blatant of course. Merely a proud papa showing off his good news. You should be seen shopping, buy blue naturally."

Toddler Draco offered a limited toothy grin and exclaimed "Bay beee!"

***May 30 1983

"AHHHHHHHH!" Mrs. Malfoy's voice could be heard through much of St. Mungo's "I will freeze Lucius' bits off the next time I see him! Where is that rat!?"

The attending Mediwitch replied in a soothing tone "Your husband is with the Minister, we were told. I'm sure that's very important to the Ministry. He'll be along just as soon as humanly possible."

"WAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" a set of lungs that threatened to outdo Mum announced themselves to the world.

The Healer performed a couple simple cleaning and drying spells and presented "Welcome your new witch Mrs. Malfoy."

"A girl. We were expecting a boy, like Draco." The mother took the child with something less than absolute joy "Nevertheless witches have their own value."

The Mediwitch noted "We certainly do." She disregarded the patient's lack of excitement.

"You have a daughter, Lucius." Narcissa told her husband, coolly, as soon as he arrived. Some 3 hours after the birth and almost 8 since the onset of labor.

Husband eyed wife with disfavor, inspected the infant critically "Little can be done. As we cannot change a child's sex, we must make the most of it. She appears healthy, well formed. I expect House Malfoy will get some benefit. My ancestor Lucius' wife was named Anastasia."

"A worthy Pureblood name." the mother granted "And Walburga from the distaff line. High standards I expect she will live up to."

The father allowed it with a nod "As soon as you are well, we will introduce her to her big brother. A formal announcement will be in order. An appropriate pose outside the hospital as well." And thus the Malfoy clan publicly showed off its new member.

***September 1 1986

"NO! I DON WAN YOU TA LEEF!" three-year-old Anastasia screamed in protest as her brother donned his dragon-print schoolbag. She tugged on his sleeve.

Big brother Draco was totally in love with his little sister. He indulgently picked her up, leaning back to balance their combined weight and sloppily kissed her forehead. "Don't be like that Annie. Mum don't like it. I gosta goto school. I'll still be home at dinner."

"Weawy? Still pway wif me?" the little girl sniffled.

Draco smoothed over her same exact shade of hair and promised "Course. I love my baby sis. We'll play with Dobby. Dobby!"

"Yes young Master." The House Elf popped in, cringing.

Draco stood importantly, now about the same size and commanded "You watch Anastasia or you'll feel Father's cane. You hear me?"

"Oh yessir yessir!" ears flopped all over the place as young master departed with Mistress. And so, young Ana giggled as she played the game with the Beaters' bat her big brother taught her.

The Wizarding World had some of the events as Muggles, among them was beauty contests. The top of Pureblood society used such things to show off their marketable daughters. Narcissa Black participated in such until her father found suitable alliance with Abraxas Malfoy and starting in 1988 her daughter was introduced to the circuit. The child made appropriate acquaintances with girls such as the youngest Greengrass, a potential mate for her brother. But was instructed to spurn any redheads, be they Bones or Weasley. Little Ana loved the attention and celebrity. She won in 1989 and 1992.

***September 9 1991

"Stinking Saint Potter!" 8-year-old Ana spat, angrily flinging the scroll of her beloved brother's letter across the room "Wait'll I get there! I'll hex him THROUGH a wall! No one rejects a Malfoy offer!"

Mother was pleased "A decent, proper, young lady. You managed to express your temper without a vulgar display of accidental magic."

***May 30 1994

A watershed moment in any young Magical's life. Of course, Ana was a witch. How could she NOT be? With her bloodline? No, today was nothing for her to fear. Only delight awaited today. This would be the last year she would be separated from her beloved brother on her birthday. They would now be at Hogwarts together. Teach that rotten Harry Potter to mess with the Malfoys! At long last!

Nothing of the sort happened. Father gave a cold glare and announced "I am going to the Ministry, possibly Hogwarts." Then he stormed out.

"Papa…is something wrong? We missed my birthday dinner." An upset newly minted eleven-year-old Ana appeared in the family room hours later. Angry voices had drawn her, even from her room. The words weren't clear but her parents NEVER spoke to each other that way.

Lucius Malfoy was not known for displays of affection but he did have his moments. This was certainly not one such, he regarded his offspring with contempt and sneered "Every magical has incidents of accidental magic. I do not remember one from you."

"Mama always said I was very controlled." Ana defended herself in a weak tone. That anger, she realized, was directed at her. That beautiful blend of Malfoy and Black genes flinched, because with looks came the brains. Ones that warned Ana of danger "Please tell me what's wrong?"

Like a volcano, Lucius erupted "A squib is USELESS to this family!"

"I AM NOT A SQUIB!" the youngster yelled back, deeply upset.

Calmly, coolly, Narcissa interjected "You most certainly are, my dear. Your father confirmed it with the Ministry and Hogwarts' registration book within the past hour. Your time of birth has passed, no owl is coming."

"oh" was all Ana could reply, meekly.

Lucius slapped the couch he stood beside stinging his hand "I will not have it in my house Narcissa! Come here girl!" he grabbed her by the wrist and disapparated.

"Ow! Daddy, that hurt!" she whined as they reappeared. A forced, rushed magic travel could be unpleasant. A child could experience pain.

Lucius glared down at her and snarled "Silence girl! Address me as Mr. Malfoy should you have reason. That is all you need know me as for the duration of our acquaintance." He dragged her along around the corner, up a few cement steps and through a heavy glass double-door.

"Good evening sir. And welcome to St. Brutus." The receptionist greeted with a scripted speech "Our normal business hours are 9AM to 5PM. I am sure we can find a compatible child to add to your family."

Lucius had nothing but contempt for the foolish Muggle, though didn't express it that way "Young woman, I did not attain my place with charity. I am here to divest myself of this defective creature. I can safely assume you have the necessary paperwork."

"Seems like a perfectly beautiful child to me." She complimented the girl, earning a small grin "In fact, I could swear that face belongs on a magazine." The intercom buzzed and she spoke into it briefly, listened.

There was only one administrator on duty at this time of night. St. Brutus was the place known to Purebloods as the spot to turn over their undesirables. 24 hours a day someone knew of the Wizarding World and this precise situation. This middle-age man was a squib himself and most unforgiving. As he closed the office door he snarled "Another shitty parent."

"If you knew who I was!" growled Lucius.

To which he snorted "All too well. My brat brother's little playmate. You knew me as Abraxas Crabbe. First thing I did was shed that bigoted name. Recognized you on the security video, even after decades, ickle Lucy. Don't even think of trying a _Crucio_ , or you'll die of lead poisoning to the brain."

"That's my Daddy!" protested Ana, reacting poorly to the threat.

The former Crabbe offered her a gentle smile "Such a sweet, loyal child. Should be a Gryffindor, don't ya think Lucy? Now, we know all about the backwardness of your laws. Heads rule all and the rest of that tosh. Most of the world operates much more ethically. Yes, we will accept temporary custody of Ana tonight BUT your wife must come here and sign away her parental rights as well. Sign here, initial there, there, and sign." Assorted documents were presented.

"Papa! Don't leave me! I don't like it here and I HATE him!" Anastasia wailed.

Lucius looked contemptuous "Did I not tell you address me as MISTER Malfoy! And, you boy, are lucky I need you on this occasion."

"Go, Malfoy. Get out of my office." The Squib ordered, then knelt beside his fellow Squib undisturbed by her declaration of hatred "Ana, go through that door and, well …you call them Mediwitches, but get in the habit of using Nurse from now on, alright. Off you go!"

The look from her father made Anastasia comply. It would be the last time she saw the man she called Daddy for her first decade…ever.


	164. Chapter 164:Unwanted Veela

**[a/n0]** Spent yesterday remembering the victims of 9/11.

 **[a/n]** Requested by Sakura Lisel A theme I've not tried before and not read, but decided to give it a spin after reading one with Gabrielle. Rather outside my comfort zone. Not anti-gay.

 **Harry Does Different ZzzzZZj**

Unwanted Veela

The students of Hogwarts were filling Hogsmeade Village on traditional weekend activities. There was shopping, eating, playing, snogging, running, snogging. Dominic Maestro's Music Shop had a small storage room on the second floor. It has unique properties beneficial to keeping a meeting nonpublic. One being with unusualness of the location, second being above a very noisy store. The Ancient and Noble House of Malfoy owns a minority, but significant, share in the business. This day it was the site of a Malfoy meeting. Present were Draco, Narcissa and Lucius, the nonfamily participant was the boy's Godfather and Hogwarts Potion Master Severus Snape.

"Your opinion was not asked for, Draco. The Dark Lord gave an order. It is merely for you to comply to the best of your ability." The ill-tempered teacher pointed out.

The unhappy mother complained "My son's biology is not meant to be exploited in this manner."

"This is not a matter open for discussion, my dear." Said Lucius silkily.

The teen was most opposed to the idea "It's NOT Potter the veela wants! Stori is my mate! I've been sensing it for DAYS!"

"And you are more than welcome to her AFTER we have the Potter estate and our master has Potter's carcass." Said Lucius as if making a grand concession.

Draco was beginning to tremble with need, not entirely part of the plan. Obviously his first transformation was sooner than the scheme had considered. He gritted out "I cannot wait much longer! I must mate soon! Today!"

"Then drink this." Ordered Snape, producing a mug from his robes.

Mistrustful, Draco demanded "What is it?"

" _Imperio_!" Lucius hit him from behind, then commanded "Now drink!"

Draco resisted and repeated "What is it?"

"Drink!" Lucius re-enforced his order. And after obtaining compliance, "I suggest we allow Draco to locate his mate."

Abcij

Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop lacked a lot of being Harry's first choice for a date, nor Ginny's for that matter. The decoration was very tacky, frilly, covered with bows, and cramped. The windows steamed up and the gaudy tables and chairs were all claimed by teenagers holding hands or kissing over cups of tea and coffee. It had exactly one redeeming quality that was as gold as Galleons, it was that Ron had already been in it and absolutely irrevocably declared he would only enter it again when The Canons won BQL Championship. To the waitress he ordered "Tea, Earl Grey, hot."

"You two are just so cute together!" she squeaked "And for you lil miss?"

Ginny turned a bright magenta that was rather drowned out by the generally pink décor "Butterbeer!" she snapped. And after her departure grumbled "One more lil miss and she'll be walking funny!"

"Could be worse, Ron could be in the next booth." Observed Harry, he trapped her hand on the table, an excuse to hold it, but the added benefit of keeping her away from her wand.

Ginny's eyes flashed for an instant, then she smiled "I suppose we have better things to do. Eh. Harry." Then leaned across the small table and kissed him. The kiss deepened when he encircled her shoulders. The happy couple were completely oblivious when a mostly transformed veela entered the tea shop.

"Where is Harry!" the semi-avian was heard to say, even though the human language wasn't quite meant for that facial structure. Someone actually pointed to the table where the couple were snogging. Unable to control himself, Draco lashed out and charged. He tore Ginny from Harry and flung her across the room, crashing into the opposite wall and slumping down, unconscious. Harry was caught by the powerful almost-wings and immobilized. Humanity all but subsumed, he drove his beak into his mate's shoulder and gave a satisfied hiss "Miiiiiiine!"

Harry squirmed against the creature. Futilely. Then when it bit him all he could do was cry out in agony. It was a pain to rival Voldemort's cruciatus. He was only barely aware of the shouting Aurors who arrived on the scene and simply stunned them both.

Abcij

A thoroughly irate Mr. Malfoy was berating the Headmaster "…and I hold you, Dumbledore, entirely responsible for this whole revolting state of affairs."

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhh!" groaned Harry, stirring at the disturbance but not quite able to reach consciousness.

Dumbledore argued with his usual air of superiority "Come now, Lucius, consider the circumstance. No one could possibly know Draco is a veela. Especially males, which less than five arise in any given year. I would remind you the incident occurred in Hogsmeade Village which has its own government and Auror force. Neither myself, nor Hogwarts as an institution, can be held in any way responsible."

"Outrageous! We will just see about that!" Lucius blustered "Meanwhile, let us consider my son's condition. Veela are not my area of expertise."

Unwilling to speak during a confrontation between the two most politically powerful wizards, Madam Pomfrey finally put in "Young Mr. Malfoy was in the midst of his first veela transfiguration. In that form he apparently selected Mr. Potter as his mate and bit him."

"Absurd!" Lucius was outraged "It is impossible for two males to mate!"

Dumbledore held up a placating hand "In this, I am perhaps as uninformed as you. It is the reason I have seen fit to summon an expert in the matter. Ahh…Miss Delacour… your timing is all but magical. As my missive stated we have something of a situation."

"Ello Eadmazzer Dumblydorr" she greeted him "Delighted to return ezzpecially to much joy. Oh! Moi sens zee bond forming! Un deelite! Un veela je suis onored! And certainment I remember Arry. Not a boy at all, truly, after facing Voldemort!"

Albus kissed her offered hand chivalrously and introduced "Miss Delacour, this is Mr. Malfoy, our emergent veela's father…as you can imagine, he has some worries for young Draco's wellbeing."

"Draco wrote glowing descriptions of your performance in the Tournament Miss Delacour." sad Lucius smoothly "But he did not remotely do justice to your beauty."

Flattered, she replied "Charmed, kind sair. I promiz while zee bond was frustrated at non consummayshun, ees strong. Both are strong magically, fulfillment weel onlee bring more joy."

"Pansy will not dislike being married to a veela." Lucius was referring to the long-arranged marriage of the Slytherin couple.

Fleur was aghast "Mon Dieu! Non! Arry zere iz zee chozen von! Zee bond iz zee marriage!"

"IMPOSSIBLE!" Lucius roared "Draco has the sole responsibility of producing an heir! You cannot do that with…Potter!"

The female veela gave a derisive snort "Au… non non non zis is non a concern Monsieur… for childs? Childs? … Zee mate will -through magic- change. Family lines are most important."

"HARRY!" a trio of Gryffindors burst through the unwatched doors. Thanks to Ginny's far briefer hospitalization, and a pair of WWW's Extendo-Ears™, fully informed. Ginny then declared "What is this tosh? Harry's MY boyfriend!"

Fleur gestured dismissively "No more of that leetle fille. Arry 'as un grander future than you can wish."

"Call me leetle again, Phlegm, and I'll bitchslap you." Threatened Ginny. Ron and Hermione both grabbed her.

Lucius considered that beneath his notice "Well, if magic addresses that, I am not opposed. At least it isn't a Mudblood. Very well, Mr. Potter will have to be properly instructed in Pureblood etiquette. Living with Muggles, I am certain such education is sorely lacking."

"Under no circumstances zhud zee couple be separated until zee bond is consummated." Said Fleur with absolute authority.

This gave Lucius an unexpected opportunity to jump ahead on his plan, and he could still claim ignorance about veela matters "A most serious matter. They should be moved together without delay. Further, Mr. Potter should immediately take up residence in the Slytherin Dungeons. I am quite certain Severus will be cooperative in the matter. Thinking further down the line; Christmas. Draco has considerable social commitments. If this unique situation persists, then Mr. Potter must come to the manor for the holidays. See to the arrangements, Dumbledore. Now, I must inform my wife about this matter. She is most concerned." Having delivered his orders, he briefly visited with his still sleeping son before sweeping out of the Hospital Wing.

Abcij

Harry listened about halfway through Fleur's glowingly happy description of the situation, with first irritation, then finally bursting out furiously "I am NOT going to be Malfoy's bloody fucktoy! That's Parkinson's job! Ron! Ginny! Hermione! Help me outta this damned zoo!"

"Non! Tu must non exit! Ze bond willne allow eet!" protested Fleur as she moved to bar their path to the door.

Ginny whipped out her wand and fired " _Chiroptera Mucus_! Stupid Phlegm! Don't get in my way." And the veela was quite unable to prevent their leaving. Harry, regrettably, was another matter. The four Gryffindors barely not though the double doors when Harry grunted inaudibly and collapsed.

Abcij

Harry slowly stirred again, he felt warm loved and at peace, a feeling quite alien to his customary state. Finding it pleasant, he merely floated in at out of slumber for a timeless interval. His brain finally registered telling him something wasn't quite right. Soon came the realization he wasn't alone in bed, an utterly unprecedented event. His eyes flew open and the sight simply horrified him. Harry simply could not get out of the bed fast enough.

"Hahahah!" came an amused chuckle "Vun vuld think Arry Potter never slept with anyone."

Panting and trembling with adrenaline Harry spun around and exclaimed "Fleur! I was in bed with Malfoy! God that's disgusting! What idiot did that? Fred? George?"

"Eet was on my suggestion." She bristled at the implied insult "Zee bond needs closeness, iz why tu collapsed. Bonded pair canno be apart until zee bond consummates, zooner zee better."

Harry shot her an angry glare "I thought I told you…Malfoy has a fucktoy. Find Parkinson. I'm NOT into him in ANY way!"

"Iz not all Eenglish" she commented with a frown "Mon Guilliam iz non vulgar. Kindly refrain. Irregardless, un chozzen veela mate is not permitted to revuz. Nozzat eet comes up. All are 'onored."

He gave a snort "Swell, I'm honored, let someone else have it. I have enough honors with all the-boy-who-lived… plus I have a girlfriend. So, I'll be telling Malfoy I'm not interested. I assume there's a way to break this bond thing."

"Zee veela bond, Arry, is sacred… eternal… and more unbreakable than une Unbreakable Vow." Said Fleur with a bit of harshness creeping into her tone "Eet would be MOST unwise to go against eet."

Draco stirred in his sleep, and betraying unrequited affection, moaned "Ha-aarr-rrry!"

"Go to your mate, Arry!" Fleur urged "E needs tu. 'Old hiz hand, pet hiz beak, stroke hiz feathers. Specially zee breast, mos sensitive."

Loathing, disgust and if he were honest with himself, more than a dash of fear. He reflexively backed away a dozen feet shaking his head and argued "Last time that thing got close to me it nearly killed both me and Ginny!"

"You do not understand." Fleur shook her head "Certainment, poor Draco attacked zee leetle fille. She was…how you call it? … cheating, I think… zee veela up vith zat will not put. Az for zee minor wound… just a love bite… hickey you call it? Marking his territory, nuzzling more."

Harry gave a harsh laugh, snapped "Did you see the fountain of blood? Tried to murder me, it did! His dad is Voldemort's lackey after all! I may have to be in the same room, but I'm not letting Malfoy get within fifty feet of me!"

Fleur's patience was at an end "Je weel be emousser…blunt…if rejecting zee bond does not actually kill you, zee Veela High Council weel hold you accountable for your mate's death. Zey may execute you… painfully."

"I've been bit by a basilisk and _Crucio_ ed by Voldemort." Harry shot back "I'd RATHER die than _mate_ with Malfoy!"

Abcij

From Halloween up to the Christmas break, the situation at Hogwarts was very tense. Some, most notably Severus Snape, considered Harry extremely selfish and spoiled. He flatly refused to go anywhere near the Slytherin Dungeons, forcing Draco into the Gryffindor dorms. Every bed was occupied and every night Harry put all the anti-intrusion and privacy Charms Hermione ever read about on his bed. Professor McGonagall set up a cot for Draco to sleep on.

Considerable testing, again thanks to Hermione' suggestion, revealed that Harry and Draco would pass out whenever they got more than precisely sixty-one feet four inches apart. This meant when one had to use the loo, the other had to go along. And, obviously, they could not attend different classes. It was a horrified Ron who pointed out a Quidditch Pitch is five times that distance end-to-end, that Harry could no longer play Seeker. Slytherin was equally upset over the need to replace _their_ Seeker.

When Draco expressed disgust with the subject of Astronomy, Harry all but ran to Professor Sinistra to get back into the class pledging to work hard to catch up on missed time. The teacher was thrilled to have such an eager pupil in class. Draco despised being dragged out of bed for the late-night sessions.

Draco's status in Slytherin took a nosedive. He was never there as Harry insisted…with some justification…his life would be endangered by being among children of Death Eaters. Pansy's standing initially plunged right along, but the young witch came back by victimizing her former paramour, quickly recruiting Draco's former bodyguards.

Prefects did little, after all Pansy is a girl, and her _being_ a one also lent a certain legitimacy to her actions. Draco himself cared little about the bullying, he pined for attention from his mate. And if he was unpopular generally, nowhere moreso was in Gryffindor Tower where Harry's obstinance compelled him to be. The restrictions of the veela bond meant Harry could not play Quidditch. Ginny was brilliant as a substitute Seeker, but she wasn't Harry. Likewise Dean was the best replacement for Ginny as Chaser, but he wasn't Ginny.

At first Harry simply acted no different toward Malfoy than he ever had. Fleur's warning concerning displays of affection deepened his resentment, he could not kiss Ginny if his _mate_ could see them and the veela bond made it virtually impossible to be OUT of his sight. As time progressed, the bond even made the simple act of handholding unpleasant for Harry. Snape made the situation worse, blaming Harry …correctly from a certain point of view… for his Godson's suffering, the Potions Master escalated his punishment of Harry. And, naturally, upon figuring this out led Harry to heap ever more looks of hate on his longtime nemesis.

"Mr. Potter, I am in receipt of a missive from Mr. Malfoy's parents requesting your presence at their castle for the Yule Holidays…actually requiring would be more descriptive of the tone." Professor McGonagall sat next to where Harry was sitting with Ginny, Hermione and Ron.

Draco immediately perked up from his rather depressed state "Ohh! Yesssss Harry! Do come. Christmas has always been wonderful at home."

"Even if I wanted to Professor" this, Harry had been prepared for, glaring witheringly at Draco "which I really DON'T … I don't have a guardian's permission for that. See, the Dursleys signed a slip for me to stay here over the Hols and the only time I did different was with …err… my Godfather."

Draco scoffed at that "But they're just Muggles, they don't count! Pleeeeez Harry!"

"Colin, Dean and Dennis are Muggleborn… to name only three. If you want another reason why I hate you Malfoy, it's your racism." Harry's voice was laced with contempt "Hermione's one of my best friends and I won't set foot in some hole where she's not welcome!"

In a resurgence of spirit Draco shouted back "Wait'll my father hears of this!"

"Go ahead, tell him." Harry sneered "No better yet, call Rita Skeeter! Headline! Harry Potter chooses Mudblood over Malfoy! Should make the front page." It was the first time Hermione was seen to giggle at the use of that word.

The Head of Gryffindor stood "Well, my only purpose was to deliver the message. The decision, Potter, is yours…and of course… the Dursleys." Then she left.

"I have responsibilities to my family, Potter!" Draco snarled, showing much of his old self and rousing the veela in him.

Perhaps Harry should be afraid, but just then and for some time, he simply didn't care "You want me to go there, you'll have to kill me and drag my dead body in."

Not a single Gryffindor spoke, they barely breathed. Some half drew their wands in case Draco attacked Harry. The male veela flared and started to transform. Harry simply stood opposite him and glared. Draco sagged and the moment of danger passed, everybody sighed in relief.

As usual Hogwarts virtually emptied for Christmas, Gryffindor no less than other Houses. Hermione would be proud as Harry either studied or helped his fellow Gryffindors the entire two weeks of the Yule Holiday. So while he missed his friends and particularly his girlfriend intensely, Harry enjoyed his Christmas.

Draco was utterly lonely. The remaining younger students avoided him out of fear of both the veela transfiguration and past experience with bullying. He slept within feet of his mate but was denied the closeness the veela cried out for. He pined away.

The resumption of classes after Christmas only hastened Draco's decline. In the coming weeks, his grades plummeted. The only source of comfort was Harry touching him. This, however, was solely in the interest of dragging Draco from class to class so Harry didn't miss his education. The contact wasn't kindly. Draco ate less and less, though he was in the Great Hall, it was sufficient that he was discarded at the main entrance while his mate went on with his friends and that hateful Blood traitor Weaselette!

By March a suspension for poor academic performance was seriously contemplated, there were meetings. The whole affair came to a tragic climax on March 15. Harry came down from bed feeling unusually cheerful, he leaned over the couch and kissed Ginny's cheek. Finding it a curiously pleasurable experience, given the last six months, he did it again… on the lips and deeply.

"Hey Potter where's your leech?" asked Dean Thomas. While the black Gryffindor disliked Draco as much as anyone, he was deeply jealous of his ex-girlfriend's current relationship.

Concerned, Hermione noted "You're a lot more than 61 feet from the Sixth Year dorm, Harry."

"I'll be glad to get him!" offered Dean cheerily "Be right back! No cheating now."

Ginny pulled him down next to her, encircled his neck and offered "If you're enjoying yourself, don't pass up a good thing."

"I can always hex Dean later." Harry conceded, leaning into her again. Miracle of miracles! He was even getting a hardon! Something else he'd long been deprived of.

An ashen Dean scrambled down the stairs from the dorms and said shakily "Weasley, go get McGonagall. Now. I think Malfoy's dead."

"Mr. Thomas, are you sure? What did you see? What did you do?" the Head of Gryffindor demanded upon her hurried arrival.

Shaking a bit, and appreciating Lavender Brown's handholding he stammered "I s-s-saw him ly-lying th-th-there, y-y-yelled his n-name. Ev-en k-k-kicked th-the c-c-cot. J-j-just his arm f-f-fell out."

"I see. All you prefects, clear everyone from the Tower. You are all to report to the Great Hall. Miss Granger, check the girls' dorm for stragglers, then remain at the boys' entrance in case I need you. Mr. Weasley will accompany me."

Within an hour, the school knew Draco Malfoy had indeed "Passed peacefully in the night." As the Headmaster put it.

" _Harry Potter_!" a furious Fleur arrived a couple days later with a score of very angry looking veela. They were all very intimidating in their creature forms and armor. Three of them, plus Fleur, clanked down the aisle. One backhanded him across the face rendering him unconscious, then she announced "You are under arrest."

 **THE QUIBBLER**

THE TRIAL OF HARRY POTTER

 **Dear readers, you all know I love to find the hidden facts behind any story. I dig and dig and dig until they tell all. But every once in a while the truth is even stranger…not only than we thought…but stranger than we could ever have imagined. Such is the case of what I witnessed on April 1 in Vichy France.**

 **How many of us have followed the tale of Draco Lucius Malfoy? The sad, rejected veela mate of our own Harry Potter? Were you on Team Draco siding with the boy who pined away for unrequited love? Or were you on Team Harry worshipping his beloved Ginny and refusing to give her up? This is what brought us to Vichy and before the shadowy and secretive Veela High Council.**

 **Veela are regarded the world over as the most beautiful of near-human creatures. [Disclaimer: That, a British Ministry classification] Any wizard who attended the Quidditch World Cup was deeply affected by the French cheerleading team. One generally turns the average wizard into a babbling idiot. I have personally witnessed the impact Beauxbatons TriWizard Champion had on the boys of Hogwarts. A notable exception to this is our own Boy-Who-Lived, Miss Delacour had little affect on Harry. This is something veela of both sexes find highly attractive.**

 **A word about veela: Females are relatively common with a few hundred born per year. Males do not reveal themselves until maturity and have sometimes gone year with none arising. Males are, therefore, protected by laws controlled by the Veela High Council based in Vichy France. In almost all cases a chosen veela mating is entirely mutual and concensual.**

 **Therein lies the problem. Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy have a history, starting from their first encounter [see pages 27-29 for a list for reported and alleged incidents] of mutual antagonisms. Mr. Potter took great offense at Mr. Malfoy's veela mating act, calling it quote attempted murder unquote, of both himself and his girlfriend one Ginevra Weasley. He categorically, repeatedly and vociferously rejected the mating, declaring his only interest at this time was the aforementioned Ginevra [see pages 29 & 30 for witness statements]**

 **Due to the rarity of male veela, a mating bond is considered an automatic marriage. The International Confederation of Wizards has recognized this since 1412. Rejection of the bond is unprecedented. The Veela High Council took the position that Mr. Potter interfered with the mating bond which resulted in Mr. Malfoy's wasting death, arresting him and extraditing him for trial in Vichy.**

 **To say the outcome was surprising is an understatement of epic proportions. We rather expected something of a show trial and rapid sentencing of our boy hero. We did get quite a show [see transcript pages 32-35] but it was NOT at all what we expected.**

 **Hogwarts Chief Mediwitch Poppy Pomfrey dropped a bombshell on the event by reporting her finding that young Draco had been potioned. It was a powerful compulsion mix known as Credulax. When consumed by a mature unmated veela the potion draws the mating instinct by adding a selected person's hair. Narcissa Malfoy, the victim's mother, then tearfully confessed to her indirect involvement in her husband's plot to use their son's status to gain control of Harry Potter. The scheme was to then bring Mr. Potter to You-Know-Who for murder, with the Malfoys inheriting the asset of the Ancient and Noble House of Potter.**

 **Based on Mrs. Malfoy's testimony, Lucius Malfoy and Severus Snape were convicted of manipulation of a veela bond. The sentence for such a crime is death by slow torture. Albus Dumbledore made an impassioned plea for leniency for both men. In the interest of diplomacy, the Veela High Council granted mercy to Severus Snape. He was beheaded at dawn April 2. Lucius' sentence is scheduled to begin tomorrow morning, it is expected to last at least a week; depending on his own general health and the skill of the executioners, it could be a month.**

 **For her failure to initially report the crime Narcissa Malfoy was sentenced to 25 years in Nurmengard and fined one-third of the value of House Malfoy; Half of which was awarded to Harry Potter. The other half to Astoria Greengrass, who based on veela testing was identified as Draco's true veela mate. The young witch was also awarded full citizenship in the Veela Nation.**

 **Ariana Gregorovitch, Supreme Mugwump of the High Council, scolded Harry Potter for "Your callous behavior toward a troubled boy." However, they recognized that first Harry was an innocent victim of this crime and that his rejection of a potion-induced bond was not illegal.**

 **Mrs. Gregorovitch also announced that as the scheme was ordered by You-Know-Who, the Veela High Council renounced any and all ties to the Dark Lord. Further, that a bounty of GG1,000,000 will be paid for his apprehension… alive if possible, for trial. And, if desired, the Nation will make every effort to find a compatible mate.**

 **When I asked Harry for his reaction to his castigation, he started an angry response, but a tall rather bedraggled man squeezed his shoulder and whispered in his ear. Harry's statement ultimately was "I thank the Veela High Council for its support in the war against V-CENSORED-t."**


	165. Chapter 165:Galleons and Pounds

**[a/n0]** Cheers to Noylj reviewing older chapters.

 **[a/n00]** ToDemigod-Wizard-Gatekeeper 'Abcij' came from needing a way to separate scenes. FFnet cuts letter lines to a single character and I don't really care for the inserted line. Started with the whole alphabet, got too long, 'j' is my initial, so I cut it back to 'Abcdefghij' And later didn't want to do that anymore, so now its 'Abcij' That's the tale.

 **[a/n000]** Had a laptop crash. Needed a new one. And don't have all data off the old one so half my WIPs are missing. Now happily using Roman numerals for chapters. 7 Zs is just tooooooo many

 **[a/n]** Troublesome exchange rates **.**

 **Harry Does Different CLXV**

Galleons and Pounds

Harry Potter learned at five years old the value of money. It had been almost a year since Aunt Petunia ordered him to start cleaning around the house. During that first week, he'd found a small handful of 5p, 10p, 50p and £1 coins. Instead of a kindly thank you and reward, little Harry was lectured sharply on the great importance of money and that he is never to withhold so much as a half-penny from Aunt Petunia, Uncle Vernon, or in a pinch, Dudley for so much as a minute. To do so would be most severely punishable.

His cupboard, Harry knew, none of the Dursleys interested themselves in. He instinctively knew that he could keep much of the found money buried in a hole in his cupboard. A personal treasure chest. He always made sure to hand SOME immediately to one of his relatives. When school started, young Harry learned that you earned money for working and spent it to buy things you wanted. Now, he knew he wasn't stealing, he was simply collecting wages. He kept money he found outside #4 too.

Banks, when he learned of them, were magic to pre-Wizarding Harry. There was a place he could take his money away from the Dursleys and THEY would pay him to keep it. Why they gave something called Interest was still over his head, as was all the regulations for a child setting up a bank account. It was 5 tries down the line and with the help of a friendly adult and an intentionally negligent teller at a nearby branch of Royal Bank of Scotland that he finally succeeded. Dursley lectures notwithstanding, they were quite careless with money and kept considerable cash in #4. Harry wasn't too greedy that his 'wages' were obvious. By 1991, he'd accumulated £2,800.

"29 Knuts to a Sickle, 17 Sickles to a Galleon, easy enough to remember." Hagrid had told him.

And there Harry was staring into a 'trust vault' with stacks of gold silver and bronze coins. Precious metals were something he learned about as well. He knew that gold was, the last report he'd seen running along the ticker sign at his bank, £188. Silver, he knew to be £2. He asked about what Knuts "What are these made of?"

"They, wizard, are bronze. Part copper, part aluminum." Answered Griphook, his Goblin escort.

Harry followed up, fingering one of each type "How much metal in each coin?"

"Galleons and Sickles are 1oz each, Knuts are also an ounce with a 4:1 ratio copper:aluminum." Explained Griphook.

Life at the Dursley had taught him secretiveness and the ability to keep emotions from his face. He only asked "What is the purity for Sickles and Galleons?"

"Better than any Muggles, I assure you of that …boy." He answered with a prideful growl.

Harry waved it off "No offense intended. People don't know these things unless you ask. Now, can I ask you one more question? Or should I ask another employee, telling them of course you didn't know?"

"Ask your question." Was the surly response.

The boy gave a polite nod "Thank you. You mentioned purity. Gringotts mints the coins, then. What is the metal content of the silver and gold coins?"

"We certify our minting process at least 92% for Galleons and 94% for Sickles." This with pride from the Goblin "Every one of us serves a decade or more in some part of the production process, from mining to coinage."

To this Harry knew a compliment was expected "And the work is very fine. The dragon on the Galleon is well done, but I think I like the ram best. Now, Hagrid told me there are 29 Knuts in one silver Sickle, and there are 493 Knuts in one gold Galleon. And that £5 buys 1 Galleon."

"Accurate if simplistic." Griphook criticized, while swelling pleasurably at the artwork "1 Galleon is currently EXACTLY £4.97 1 Sickle is currently EXACTLY £0.287 1 Knut is currently EXACTLY £0.011."

Harry nodded intelligently and requested "I would like a pouch; which please take the price from here; that'll hold fifty of each. Don't know how much I'll need for those Hogwarts supplies…..Thank you." Now 10 pounds is a little on the weighty side and after complaining about it Hagrid offered to carry the pouch and mentioned the Featherlight Charm. Harry would remember the goblin not mentioning the possibility.

Abcij

"Ahh…our young scavenger. Hello Mr. Potter." His friendly teller greeted him on entry to his bank.

After letting a couple people go ahead of him for her to be open, Harry stepped up to the counter and quietly requested "Can we talk privately, Mrs. Voyles? I have something more than the couple Pounds at a time.

"All right. Follow me." She agreed after a moment's thought. The boy was usually reticent about where his money came from, but not this secretive. She led him to room, that though anyone could see in the glass wall, was quite private "So, what's on your mind, Harry? Find some treasure?"

He gave a nod "Sort of. I got an invitation to a school up north that my parents went to. Someone from there took me downtown to buy school supplies."

"And you didn't stop here for money?" she chided him with a smile.

That's when he hefted his pouch out of the old ratty bookbag of Dudley's and set it heavily on the desk. Looking a little abashed after the years of scrounging he explained "Didn't really need it. You see, one of the stops was to visit what I was told was a small trust vault. Just meant to get me through school."

"Do you have any idea what's here?!" she exclaimed. Her eyes had popped the moment he opened the bag and only got wider as she realized fully what they really had. She stood suddenly and said "I'll be right back."

The man who entered when she returned introduced himself "Harry, I am Mr. Nokes, I manage this branch. Mrs. Voyles has kept management informed over the years of your situation. A little boy bringing in a Quid here and a Farthing there without permission of his parents is one thing. Don't interrupt me! Mrs. Voyles bent a few rules for you, and honestly, I approve of that. What you have here is a whole different breed of cat, it's-"

"24 gold coins, 9 silver and 17 bronze." Offered Harry, honestly.

The bankers gasped at each other then to Harry, Mrs. Voyles wanted to know "Have you any idea what that is worth?"

"I never saw what aluminum or copper are worth on the sign outside, but the silver is about £18… the gold over £4000." He answered, a bit timidly.

Again the bankers exchanged looks, Mr. Nokes addressed him "You are remarkably well informed, young man. I will take your word for the moment. Now, in general, a bank does not bother itself with where its depositors' money comes from. There are some exceptions and the biggest one is where we think a crime was committed. A young boy coming into my branch with a bagful of precious metal is a reason to be a little suspicious. Tell me about Harry Potter, and why I shouldn't be concerned about him."

"I'll tell you what I told Mrs. Voyles. My relatives complain that I'm a drain on their lives and that my parents were drunks and layabouts." Harry said bitterly "They've said that all my life. I worked for every penny in my account. I just found out they lied to me every day, my parents were rich and they were MURDERED. Sorry for hollering, but they were. They left me a big pile of these coins…REAL BIG…I guess they didn't want my relatives knowing about it."

Mrs. Voyles patted his shoulder kindly, noted that the boy flinched from the touch but only asked "Then why, I wonder, were you left with them?"

"Maybe I'll find out. I'm going to their school." Harry answered with a shrug. Something that avoided the topic of magic "But anyway, can I keep my account here?"

Mr. Nokes tapped a pen on the desk for a time then nodded "Yes, Mr. Potter, I believe what you say. And yes, I approve Mrs. Voyles purchasing your coins. Just know that a superior, who I will have to discuss this with, may override me."

"Thank you for believing me, sir." Harry shook his, and the helpful teller's hands. He left, after testing of the coins, with his bankbook reading a balance of £7,306.19. Pleased, in fact ecstatic, that his idea worked. Sure his math had been a little off and the Knuts hadn't worked too well, he received £1 for that lot and hadn't expected the Analysis and Transaction fees which amounted to £270. Long before he even reached the corner of Wisteria and Privet, Harry stuck his bankbook in his pants and put on his see the Dursleys face.

Abcij

"Where have you been all day, boy?" demanded Aunt Petunia the instant Harry entered the kitchen.

He gave a snort and countered "Freak stuff."

"Insolent boy." She rebuked him "Start with Dudley's bed, then change mine."

With a long suffering tone, behind which he wondered how much money he'd find, he sighed "Yes, Aunt Petunia."

Abcij

"Be right back, Ron. Just need a word with Hermione in private." Harry excused himself from the chess game with his male best friend to catch his female one "When you shopped at Diagon Alley you went to Gringotts to change Pounds for Galleons, right?"

Bushy hair bounced "Of, Harry, it's wizard money. How else would I have bought my supplies?"

"Ah…how indeed, but not the point of my question." He was enigmatic "And you got a 5:1 exchange rate?"

Hermione nodded "They charge a 5% fee, but yes. Why? And couldn't we talk about this when I come back? Or why didn't you mention it sooner?"

"Because you want to research and talk everything." Replied Harry immediately raising a hand "And I didn't want you discussing this with everyone here for a reason. Did they take some of the Wizarding coins home with them?"

She nodded, looking impatiently at the other students boarding carriages "Yes…Harry, I need to go or I'll get stuck here."

"Do one thing while you're home for Christmas." He instructed "Take them to your bank. DON'T tell them about magic - obviously- Just say you wanna sell them." When she started to question, he silenced her with a cutting gesture and commanded "Don't tell anyone on the train…COMING OR GOING…don't even talk to me about it when you get back until it's just us ALONE. Right? … Ahh! I'm quite serious! I'll explain it to Ron this week. Maybe he can do something over the summer."

She gave him a confused but compliant nod and departed with a "Happy Christmas Harry."

"It's actually hard to make people rich." He complained as he made his way back to the Great Hall.


	166. Chapter 166:Good One Goyle

**Harry Does Different CLXVI**

Good One Goyle

"Well siddown." Draco curtly ordered his pair of bodyguards as he flopped down in the leather Slytherin couch "You'd never know the Weasleys were Purebloods, the way they behave. They're an embarrassment to the Wizarding community. All of them."

Ron, in the guise of Vince, cracked his knuckles menacingly. Harry gave him a nudge.

Draco went on "I'm amazed the Daily Prophet hasn't done a report on all these attacks. I suppose Dumbledore is trying to hush it all up. Father always said Dumbledore was the WORST thing to happen to this place."

"You're wrong!" Harry shouted, reflexively defending his hero. He immediately regretted the outburst.

Draco angrily jumped to his feet and loomed over his friends "What? You think there's someone who's WORSE than Dumbledore?" He paused, expectantly and demanded "Well? Do you?"

'Crabbe' shook his head gormlessly, but knowing his nemesis there was only one logical response 'Goyle' replied "Harry Potter?"

"Good one Goyle!" exclaimed Draco after a moment's thought "You're absolutely right! SAINT Potter! And people actually think he's the heir of Slytherin?"

Harry and Ron exchanged baffled looks Goyle probed "But then you must have some idea who's behind it all."

"You know I don't, Goyle." snapped Draco "I told you yesterday! How many times do I have to tell you. But my Father did tell me this. It's been fifty years since the Chamber of Secrets was opened. He wouldn't tell me who opened it, only that they were expelled. He did tell me that the last time the Chamber of Secrets was opened a Mudblood died, so it's only a matter of time before one is killed this time. As for me, I hope it's Granger."

Crabbe was on his feet ready to thrash the leading Slytherin within an inch of his life, Goyle jumped up and shoved him back.

"What's wrong with you two?" demanded Draco, not even really aware of the threat "You're acting very…strange."

Harry decided he'd had enough and Goyle roared back "What's wrong? What's wrong! I'll tell you what's wrong you stupid git! Hermione's got ten times the brains in her little finger as you got in your whole body! And she's a hundred times prettier than that sough Pansy you got hanging around you!"

"How dare you?" roared Draco.

Ron pointed and warned "Scar!"

"And one last thing! I'm going to Professor McGonagall! I'm sick of being your flunky and I want out of Slytherin! Maybe I can at least live in Gryffindor!" Harry declared, then he seized Ron's shoulder "Come Crabbe!"

Draco shouted after them indignantly "You come back here! How DARE you speak to me like that?! Wait'll my father hears of this!"

Harry pushed Ron out the door, turned and yelled back "Harry Potter is my hero! Your Dad isn't even half the wizard he is!" With that final sally they fled Slytherin's dorms.

Abcij

"They look so miserable, Harry." Hermione was looking over at Draco's two henchmen, sitting alone, lamenting their situation at the far end of the Slytherin table "We just have to admit—"

Ron was aghast "Barkin mad you are!"

"Trouble in paradise, Granger?" asked Fred as he dramatically sat beside the younger witch.

Harry hushed her with a slicing motion "I'll tell yous why, but ONLY if you promise to keep your mouths shut!" After dragging the twins behind a pillar…eliciting a pledge of secrecy…relating a slightly edited truth…and promising a full story in the future he returned to address his rule-loving friend with a smirk "Hermione, Fred and George have assured me they will NOT prank you silly as long as you keep our little secret."

"That is mean Harry Potter!" she complained with a huff.

Seamus' Irish brogue teased "Trouble in the Golden Trio?" This being the first known reference. "Though I would love to know what's going on."

"You're way too young, laddie, way too young." George assured him while ruffling his hair.

Fred nodded "True oh second handsomest one. But let's offer this, our… ahh… Golden Trio here –"

"Without saying exactly how." Added George.

Fred concluded "Did have something to do with the forlorn expressions on Messers Crabbe and Goyle."

Hermione still looked unhappy, Harry gave a satisfied grin, Ron looked highly pleased with himself.


	167. Chapter 167:Safety Gear

**[a/n]** Yay! BestBuy data transfer from the dead laptop was a success. Just took a week.

 **[a/n1]** Yes it is okay to pity Crabbe & Goyle as was eloquently pointed out. But remember they aren't exactly innocent.

 **Harry Does Different ZzzzZZq**

Safety Gear

"And now that Potter has shown his absolute lack of knowledge, let's see how you dunderheads do with the simplest of Potions." Professor Snape flicked his wand at the board and a stick of chalk proceeded to scrawl the recipe for a headache brew. Even with the large writing, ingredients and all, took up less than half. "You have 45 minutes. Begin!"

All the kids jumped to obey, with the sole exception of a certain bespectacled boy who raised his hand and rather meekly asked "Pardon me, Professor Snape, but what about standard safety gear? I mean, technically if you wear glasses, goggles aren't NECESSARY. But what about eye safety? And rubber gloves? We are dealing with fire. Accidental splashes."

"Were such things included in your equipment list, Potter?" the Professor demanded.

Harry's eyebrows furrowed in concentration, trying to remember all his letter. It was Hermione who answered "I still carry my list with me, Professor, and… no, sir… no safety gear listed. For Potions I just see the size 2 pewter caldron and phials…glass or cr-."

"Why thank you Miss Granger, for offering information unasked." Snape sneered "Gryffindors note, that will be one point off for speaking out of turn. Now, back to your brewing!"

Most complied, a few, specifically among the Muggleborn hesitated looking to Harry for leadership. Who added "Not even insulated potholders? I mean these cauldrons will be heated. I assumed since they weren't listed, safety stuff would be supplied. Y'know, like brooms for flying class."

"Perhaps, Potter, you could leave the teaching to the professor?" suggested the now visibly annoyed teacher.

But while Harry recognized a growing confrontation, he'd spent too long in science class, he shook his head "Sorry, sir, but Miss Klein always told us safety first. Goggles and gloves are love." And while Hermione was looking to the adult for guidance others of a Muggle background, like Dean and Seamus, were nodding.

"You will complete the potion on the board, Potter. Or you will receive a zero for the day." Snape bore down on the rebellious student with a lethal glare.

There wasn't a Muggleborn among the Slytherins so they dove into their work. Even the Gryffindor Purebloods and Susan Bones wilted under the ugly look. Hermione started wavering, but it took Dean to tilt the balance, the black Gryffindor put down the knife he'd picked up and said "Sorry, Professor, I agree with Harry. I'm not losing my hands or eyes in a preventable accident."

"Everyone of you that agrees with Potter is welcome to leave." The Potion Professor sneered "At the cost of 25 points EACH."

Abcij

It was the worst single first day in Gryffindor history in many many years. Minerva McGonagall was glaring at her colleague's account of the incident, alternately eyeing her students with intense disfavor "Failure to perform classwork: Deliberate defiance of authority: Disruption of the learning of your classmates. Your House is now a net 309 points in the red. I was NOT EVEN BORN the last time this happened! Now, Harry Potter, your name stands at the very top of Professor Snape's report of this incident… so explain this affair before I determine what additional punishment I need to mete out."

"Potions isn't an especially safe subject, Professor." Pointed out Harry in a slightly intimidated tone "And they - that is- no safety gear. No gloves, no glasses, nothing to protect from injury."

The severe Head gave an impatient sigh "While such things might be necessary in the Muggle world, Mister Potter, we have ways of treating the most critical of injuries that Muggle medicine does not come close to."

"That's fine. I know Neville's wrist was fixed in a trice." Acknowledged Harry "But if that's the case, why bother with those Quidditch pads?"

She shook her head "Quidditch, Mr. Potter, is a potentially dangerous sport. Potions is not the same thing. You cannot get-"

"Accidental fireball? Potion ingredient accidently splashing in someone's eye? What if something gets on my hand?" asked Harry, firmly.

Professor McGonagall waved away the concerns "Do not interrupt me! But to address your point, of course accidents occur … RARELY… and that is why we have one of the best Mediwitches in all Britain on staff to treat any injury that happens. You may trust that Madam Pomfrey can heal anything as rapidly as she did Mr. Longbottom."

"Beg pardon Professor" said Hermione with hand raised "first, I would like it noted I did complete the class assignment as Professor Snape instructed. That said Harry has a point, simple precaution only makes sense. My Mother says an old truism is that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure."

Harry didn't much like the Muggleborn witch, but he was pleased to see his point had a convert "That's all we're saying ma'am, rubber gloves, goggles, every Chemistry and Biology class back home used them for experiments."

"No such has ever been necessary in Potions. I shall discuss the matter during the next staff meeting. As for the six of you, there will be no further insubordination in Professor Snape's class. You will comply with all instructions and complete all tasks assigned by ALL professors. Am I clear?" she lectured and ordered brusquely.

Dean began "But Professor safet-"

"AM I CLEAR, Mister Thomas?" she cut him off "This meeting is concluded. You will all be confined to the tower after supper every night for the rest of the week. Dismissed." At the hint of argument she exclaimed "DISmissed!"


	168. Chapter 168:Seven Potters

**Harry Does Different ZzzzZZs**

Seven Potters

"Want a fireworks display, Potter?" asked Madeye Moody with a derisive snort "We don't have the time for nonsense."

The bespectacled wizard shot a glare then to twins "Fireworks is just what I have in mind. Except all in one place AND all at once. You do have some with you?"

"We never" began Fred Harry

George Harry continued "know when"

F: "they come"

G: "handy."

Harry grinned, not at all pleasantly, and explained "You see, fireworks are explosives, they just burn slow and make pretty colors and loud noises. Rig whatever you have to go off as soon as someone gets near it and KAPOW!"

"Harry! That's murder!" Hermione complained.

He was again more than a little put off by looking at his own face, but hearing a different voice "Anybody coming here tonight is out to kill me, Hermione. What about it guys?"

"Well…it won't be a big boom." Said George: Fred concluded "We just didn't bring that much."

Harry thought about it, then smiled something not exactly mischievous "I have something Muggle that can help that. We simply turn on the oven … and all the burners … but snuff the flame. Now, Madeye, can you put up a ward so that as soon as someone not related to me enters the house it sets off the fireworks."

"That will-" Hermione began

The Master Auror eyed the young wizard with comprehension of the plan, and a hint of awe "-make a satisfactory boom. You two, rig your fireworks. I can start the wards, everyone else take to your brooms."

Abcij

Londoners, those not wakened by the blast, turned on their televisions and their morning news. The dramatic theme of BBC News came from any that was turned on regardless of channel "Sophie Raworth here in the newsroom, good morning London. The Sun is just beginning to light the sky as the fire squad is still on the scene of a devastating explosion in Little Whining, Surrey. Our own Simon McCoy is on the scene with a report….Simon?"

"Good morning, Sophie." A very disheveled…unshaven…man appeared onscreen "Not up to my best, I know. I've been up since 4AM when I was tossed out of my bed in East Horsley, just a few miles from Little Whinging. I jumped in my car and followed a firetruck. Brave first responders. The scene turned out to be fairly easy to find. A cloud of smoke and debris was still in the air over Privet Dr. where it intersects Wisteria Ln. Fires were actually small and easily extinguished, but the devastation was near total. Where #4 Privet stood is nothing but blackened ground and a crater thirty feet across and ten feet deep. The neighboring houses, #2 and #6, are lucky to be standing. Houses on both sides of the street as far away as #25 and two blocks away have blown out windows. Ahh! Captain Rickman, what can you tell us?"

"Mr. McCoy, a pleasure… big fan." The Fire Captain acknowledged the celebrity "I'll tell you what we know. At approximately 3:30AM #4 Privet Dr. exploded. We are investigating the matter as a terrorist act. Some form of gunpowder has been verified. There were numerous people killed, as yet, two female and three male. No… I cannot confirm or deny any identity, that will have to come from the Medical Examiner. In fact our number is a minimum as we are still sifting through the rubble."

The reporter took over again "Thank you Captain. I won't keep you further. Sophie I'll keep you posted on this situation as it develops."

"Thank you Simon." The screen switched back to the newsroom "We will have additional updated during our broadcast at noon. Onto sports, Manchester United lost a nail-biter-"

Abcij

Cyrus Greengrass bowed before the Dark Lord "Master, that is all the Muggles know of the attempt to kill Potter. I, personally, was able to verify the identity of each. Rudolphus and Bellatrix Lestrange, Eric Crabbe, Curt Selwyn, Tasha Yaxley and the Imperiused Stan Shunpike. I have not yet accounted for the three others on m'Lord's list."

" _Crucio_!" Lord Voldemort was furious. The simple killing of a barely educated teenager had not only failed, but cost him several top fighters, including…most disturbingly… the fanatical Bella. After a satisfactory period of screaming he commanded "Go Lord Greengrass. Find my missing followers. Dead or alive. Do so rapidly, or you will regret it. GO!"


	169. Chapter 169:Azkaban Harry

**[a/n0]** I did borrow newscasters from British TV last time. They seemed about the right time period.

 **[a/n]** My take on the unjustly imprisoned, superpowered Harry

 **Harry Does Different ZzzzZZt**

Azkaban Harry

There were a myriad of witnesses to the crime: Ginny Weasley and Rubeus Hagrid stood together near the edge of Black Lake. They weren't the main source of interest, it was the rare sight of a unicorn ankle deep in the water and bent down drinking. It made no attempt to flee despite the closeness of the Hogwarts pair and in fact seemed to approve. That was when Harry Potter appeared via portkey and screamed at them "YOU STINKING TROLLOP! CHEATING ON ME WITH THIS OVERGROWN OAF!"

"Chu on about Arry?" asked Hagrid in his usual jovial manner.

Ginny reacted hostilely to the accusation "Don't be an idiot Harry! Hagrid's a professor, and I remind you… your friend!"

"LIAR!" roared Harry. Anyone close enough could see the hate radiating from The-Boy-Who-Lived. He stalked around the shocked pair shouting obscenities then finally whipping out his wand and yelling " _CRUCIO_!"

Clutching her stomach and writhing in agony, Ginny looked up at her tormentor and declared "You're …not… Harry!"

"You're right, Weaselette, but you're dead." The attacker countered, whirled his wand and fired " _Avada Kedavra_!"

Heroic Hagrid was seen to throw himself in the path of the sickening green light. Harry Potter only shrugged nonchalantly and fired a second Killing Curse. Everyone saw him flash a triumphant smile, hold up a shoelace [his portkey] and vanish. Witnesses would testify at the trial how chilling it was to see such a coldhearted murder.

Abcij

"I was in my bed! I didn't even know about it until McGonagall came up to arrest me!" cried Harry, a many repeated refrain. He saw no one in the courtroom but Ron [sobbing into his Mum's shoulder] and Hermione [holding his hand in her lap] "Come on guys! THINK! I saved her Second Year! From Voldemort! The basilisk!"

Albus Dumbledore himself passed sentence "The second time in my life I sponsored a troubled youth into our world. The first time led to Lord Voldemort. This time we will put a halt to it BEFORE it becomes a threat to our society. However, in the hope you will achieve redemption, I commute the death penalty and remand you to Azkaban Prison for a term of not less than fifty years. Not to exceed your natural life."

"You fuckin shit!" Ron cursed the convict as he was taken out. Aurors did not even make a verbal effort to stop the redhead's assault that started with a fist driven deep into Harry's solar plexus and ended with several stomps on the head.

Battered, bruised and bloodied, Harry whimpered as he watched his sister-in-all-but-blood throw all his prized possessions into a bin and cast a flame spell. All, that is, except for Hedwig. The only Mum he ever knew reached into the cage and cruelly throttled the snowy owl, then spit in his face. Harry spent his first week in Azkaban's hospital wing.

April 5 1996 PRISONER REPORT

Subject: Harry James Potter

Crime: Murder, two counts: Use of an Unforgivable against a human, one count: Use of an Unforgivable against a near human, one count.

Sentence: 50 to life: First parole hearing scheduled April 5 2022

Prisoner behavior is apathetic, has to be dragged from cell to kitchen to cell again.

May 4 1996 PRISONER REPORT

Subject: Harry James Potter

Prisoner third offense, escalated to written documentation. Refuses work details. Ignores guard instructions. Further defiance will result in solitary confinement.

June 15 1996 PRISONER REPORT

Subject: Harry James Potter

Behavior unchanged, prisoner assigned to high security for 90 days.

July 3 1996 PRISONER REPORT

Subject: Harry James Potter

Prisoner sits, unmoving, in cell all hours. Random checks around the clock verify prisoner sits crosslegged on cell floor. Prisoner does not respond to guard orders. Food left for prisoner disappears without prisoner movement.

June 15 1997 PRISONER REPORT

Subject: Harry James Potter

One year update. No change whatsoever in prisoner's position in cell. Faint blue aura noticed by guard last week. No longer present.

August 19 1997 PRISONER REPORT

Subject: Harry James Potter

Blue aura returns. Guard cannot open cell door. Prisoner ignores guard.

October 31 1997 PRISONER REPORT

Subject: Harry James Potter

Remnants of Dementor cloak found outside prisoner's cell. Blue glow too bright to see inside cell, but wards confirm physical presence of prisoner.

November 7 1997 PRISONER REPORT

Subject: Harry James Potter

Dementors cannot even be coaxed into the same corridor as prisoner. Provided food trays continue to be emptied.

March 25 2002 PRISONER REPORT

Subject: Harry James Potter

Supreme Mugwump Albus Dumbledore and Minister for Magic Arthur Weasley arrived with a Writ of Release. Document countersigned by Wizengamot Speaker Augusta Longbottom. All prisoner records to be classified as State Secret. By order of the Minister for Magic. First time since 1997 blue aura has dissipated. Record ends.

"We have conclusive proof of your innocence, Harry." Said Albus Dumbledore, looking every day of his 120 years "And we are so deeply sorry."

The now former convict got to his feet smoothly, giving no indication of any stiffness that might exist as a result of sitting in one position for over 5 years. And actually smiled. He looked at both and spoke…also for the first time in 5 years… as far as any guard or inmate knew "One hundred eighty eight million…..three hundred fifty seven thousand…four hundred ninety six."

"I beg your pardon?" both of the visitors looked at the boy they'd known with barely a wisp of recognition.

Showing no visible emotion, Harry answered "The precise length of time… in seconds… I have waited to hear that from the time I was wrongfully convicted."

"Ahh… yes well –" stammered Minister Weasley.

Harry gave a contemptuous look "One Knut for every second is three hundred eighty two thousand fifty two Galleons twelve Sickles four Knuts. I expect it in my Gringotts account by this time tomorrow."

"Greedy all of a sudden. Not at all how you used to be, Harry." Dumbledore scolded him "Nevertheless, we may see to the Ministry addressing some of your concerns."

Stone cold, Harry countered "I've only just begun. That is just my first nonnegotiable demand. You still have Voldemort to contend with, but we won't discuss that until I have received my reparations. I'll be at the Burrow 11am tomorrow, don't bother looking for me, both of you aren't smart enough."

"We can discuss it now." Said Dumbledore. But they were surprised when a wandless, semi-educated wizard vanished through the impregnable wards of Azkaban.

Abcij

"…and he seemed really well, Professor?" asked Hermione.

The old man nodded, stroking his beard "Curiously at peace with what he went through, Miss Granger. He quoted us an astonishingly large number saying it was the precise number of seconds since his erroneous incarceration, and then demanded one Knut for each of his time."

"That sounds very unlike Harry." She commented, speculatively "He was never very mathematical, nor very greedy."

Ron waved dismissively "Never mind all that, Harry is Harry. All is forgiven. And - he's here!" The redhead man rushed out the kitchen door like a little boy and stopped in front of his boyhood friend "Heya mate! You look good…considering."

"Considering the beating you gave me?" Harry countered coldly "Seven kicks in the face, nine punches in the stomach and but HEY! all is forgiven."

Ron backed away, gulped and said "Well…umm…sorry. But you…well everyone saw you."

"My broken jaw took three weeks to heal." Harry informed the assembled Weasley clan. Children included.

Into the silence, a little girl wanted to know "Who's you?"

"And who are your parents?" asked Harry, politely if not exactly kindly.

She pointed to Ron and said "Daddy." Then to the rapidly approaching Hermione "Mummy."

"Well sweetie" this time his tone was completely kind "you can call me Uncle Harry. And Daddy is a right bastard who beat the shit outta me five years ago. And Mummy is the stinking bitch who destroyed everything Uncle Harry ever loved."

The couple frowned at him, Hermione picked up the child and pushed her head into her shoulder "My daughter does not need to hear-"

"The truth?" Harry cut her off "Dumbledore? Minister? Well, I've confirmed the reparations payment from the Ministry for my wrongful imprisonment. Not let's discuss my demands for dealing with Voldemort."

The Headmaster interjected "Now Harry, there is no reason to turn opportunistic about this. Tom is a threat to the entire world. You might remember he killed your parents."

"No I haven't forgotten. I also haven't forgotten your indirect role in their murder. I also haven't forgotten you sentencing me for a murder I didn't commit. I also haven't forgotten you standing by and letting Sirius goto Azkaban without trial for a murder HE didn't commit." Harry's tone was now harsh, and he addressed his case "Now, let's get into HOW I was cleared? Care to take this Dumb-bee?"

Dumbledore held up a hand to silence Hermione's protest in his defense "Draco Malfoy was captured approximately three months ago. Under direct questioning with Veratiserum, it was discovered that he used Polyjuice Potion to impersonate you, Harry."

"And gee… no one I know has ANY experience with Polyjuice?" asked Harry, voice dripping sarcasm "Huh, Weasley? Granger?"

The young girl, it was very clear by her looks Ron and Hermione were her parents, glared defiantly at Harry and declared "I don't like the way you talk to Mummy and Daddy."

"And I don't give a rat's arse." He talked down at her "Another point that should've been looked into. Things aren't always what they seem, huh? So, is Malfoy dead yet?"

Arthur exclaimed "Certainly not! We have a system of justice in this country!"

"Yadayadayada." Harry waved it off "He will be in a week. Now, to explain, I spent much of the last five years in our dear Dark Lord's head. I know everything he does. I know things about him even he doesn't know. I saw every plot he plotted every murder he ordered or did over the last five years. I know what he plans for the next decade."

Arthur reddened angrily "You could HAVE stopped so much DEATH!"

"Nobody especially important to me was targeted." Quipped Harry uncaringly "Moving on. Let's start with ahhh …five million Galleons."

Dumbledore looked offended "To reduce the freedom of a nation to mere money is shameful."

"So is locking up its innocent citizens, but you don't have a problem with that." Countered Harry, then to Arthur "That's from Ministry vaults. I want something personal from you lot. You know…this is the first place, outside Hogwarts, that I was ever really happy."

For the first time, Arthur smiled "Thank you, Harry. It's been in my family ten generations. We've added to it, especially since my becoming Minister for Magic and the pay raise."

"I moved in here too, after we married." Hermione was eager for the subject change. And she eyed her husband with a little concern. She gave a conciliatory smile to Harry "Rose and Hugo, this one's twin, just love it here."

Giving a curt nod, Harry ordered "Burn it."

"I beg your pardon?" Arthur was the first to ask, though Dumbledore was just more than a syllable behind.

Harry clarified, in a mildly insulting tone "I want you, Granger and your weasel son to point your wands at your precious ten generations long home…cast moderately powerful fire spells at it… and stand here with me until it is a smoking ruin."

"You're full'o'shit mate." Declared Ron in no uncertain terms, his wand came out.

Dumbledore stepped rather nonchalantly in the path of Ron's draw "Perhaps, Harry, you would make yourself more understood. Why …for example… would you want the Weasleys to destroy their home?"

"Excellent! Straight and to the point!" Harry offered a mocking bow "Why is simple. Granger burned everything I ever loved and his bitch mother murdered Hedwig."

Ron gave an incoherent yell and charged, pushing the Headmaster aside. He was stunned before he could reach the ex-convict, who hadn't moved. He went on as if nothing happened "Come Harry, that might satisfy some sense of vengeance, but make a reasonable request and Arthur…in his role as Minister… and I will put every ounce of political weight behind making it so. I am sure you realize the Weasleys will not be destroying the Burrow."

"If they don't, I will." Harry declared in no uncertain tone "If I do it, I will leave Britain to Voldemort. He can have the whole bloody island."

Arthur put in "Now, Harry, while I admit my family wronged you in the past, that's no reason to make impossible …. And frankly… unacceptable demands. You deal with You-Know-Who as you promised when I released you from Azkaban, or-"

"You mean for a crime I didn't commit?" growled Harry "As for evidence, I remind you …Minister… of Sirius. Tell me, what's happened to the Black fortune?"

Dumbledore answered "You would not ask…Harry… if you did not already know."

"I want it. Every last Knut." Said Harry, bluntly "Per the terms of Sirius' will. Now, get to the burning."

Arthur hemmed and hawed "I couldn't remotely make such a decision without Mrs. Weasley. There are irreplaceable -"

"How are you even Minister?" Harry snorted with disgust "I suppose you need her permission to pick your nose. Don't do that again, Ron. I expect you to be able to use your wand to light fires."

Utterly offended, Arthur ordered "Hermione, you and Ron take Rose to meet Molly. That is…unless you want a little girl to see her home burn? Are you that petty, Potter?"

"Go. Now. Before I change my bloody mind." Harry commanded, gruffly.

Ron gave his father a look of betrayal then snarled at Harry "You're gonna live about ten seconds longer than You-Know-Who!"

"Yeah, Voldemort's just practice for Ronnie Weaslebee. " Harry taunted "But…here's a gift… just about as soon _as You-Know-Who_ bites it, I'll be leaving this Godforsaken island…never to return!"

Hermione paused in the act of obeying her father-in-law wanting to know "Why would you leave England? It's your home."

"You're supposed to be bright Granger. You figure it out." He sneered. Standing with Albus and Arthur for a minute after the small family vanished from sight Harry finally callously ordered "Well, get on with it."

With a tear in his eye the now vastly older looking man countered "It's not easy to say goodbye to something you've loved for half a century. If Ginny were still here she would be ashamed of you."

"Wasn't for me Ginny would've died before her twelfth birthday. Something you lot forgot." Harry countered stiffly.

To that Arthur flinched, Albus gripped his shoulder and pleaded "I beseech you Harry. Show some compassion."

"April 5 1996 that's when that Harry Potter died. Along with his owl, album and cloak. Time's up, Weasley." Harry declared harshly. He didn't feel any particular satisfaction as he watched The Burrow go up in flames, though he gave that impression to the older wizards. And as the flames began to go out "Well, good job this. I'm happy. See you at Stonehenge on April 1, 11:55pm."

Dumbledore held up a hand to stop him from apparating "And what about Voldemort in the meantime? What will you be doing?"

"Well, you've been handling that …not quite so will for five years. Do your best." Harry answered, less than respectfully "As for me, I have a number of preparations to make."

The aged wizard offered "I am certain my assistance would be invaluable in anything you need."

"And perhaps not. Just get the funds in my Gringotts account… and of course… the Black Estate, before the goblins close for the night." Harry told them, then a taunt "Bye Minister. I made reservations for you with Tom. One week, my treat."

Arthur growled angrily "I will never forgive you for this and I think I can speak for the rest of the Weasleys. A lot of people may die in the next week-"

"James and Lily Potter, for instance?" Harry cut in, he smiled grimly when he heard the shocked outcry of Molly Weasley who had just arrived on scene.

Abcij

Harry was already deep into a chant in ancient Etruscan when a force of Aurors under the direct command of the Minister for Magic arrived. He glowed in a way no wizard had ever seen. He stood between the two oldest stones of the ancient monument. He seemed to be drawing power directly from them. He stopped chanting and opened his eyes "Neville Longbottom, Luna Lovegood come into the circle."

"Why them, Harry?" asked Dumbledore "Surely you would need someone of great power and knowledge."

Harry ignored him. Only the two he called upon were permitted to pass. A lens grew in his hands and glowed. He again spoke in Etruscan and after building impossibly bright, the lens sent out a polychromatic wave that rapidly encompassed the assembled witches and wizards, raced out to the limits of Stonehenge and continued to the horizon.

Three of Minister Weasley's elite protection detail grabbed their left arms as they burst into flame, dying horribly. This was a great concern, but suddenly, Charlie Weasley was screaming as well. He died as horribly as the others "What happened to my SON/BROTHER?" all the family cried.

"I learned things from Voldemort's mind…about his so-called Dark Mark. A perversion really of the Protean Charm." Harry's tone was quite conversational "When I discovered a way to twist it, I also discovered how to use it to kill every last Death Eater. The magic of the Dark Mark linked all of them to Voldemort. My spell … among other things … destroyed it and everyone who had one."

Molly Weasley rushed to her fallen son and began using every healing spell she knew "Arthur! Nothing works! HE murdered our Charlie! Like Ginny! _AVADA KEDAVRA_!"

"HARRY!" Luna and Neville were simultaneous in their warning and desire to throw themselves in the path of the spell.

Harry gave them a smile that was angelic in quality "Thank you my loyal friends. Now I know I chose properly. I-"

"Professor Dumbledore!" Hermione screeched as the old man fell over like a toppled tree.

Harry ignored the Weasley matriarch's failed attack as if it was irrelevant and said "Well that was rather an unexpected effect. You see, Voldemort did not even know what he created. And Molly dear, there is a reason your attempt to murder me just now failed. I have stripped magic from…well…everyone."

"You couldn't do THAT Potter!" Mad-Eye Moody snarled.

Harry gave a shrug "Have a go, _Professor_." He mocked "Cruciatus? Avada? Feel free. A rare few MIGHT manage a weak lumos. But nothing more. Except for me, Luna and Neville that is. I suppose anyone Dumbledore's age just can't survive without their magic."

"And you're ok with that?" complained Hermione "Harry! You made us destroy The Burrow! Everything our children loved is GONE! Now Charlie! And Dumbledore! What gave you the right?"

Ignoring her, he addressed the pair he spared "At a guess, I'm probably fifty times stronger than any wizard -ever. Luna, you and Neville, I expanded your magical cores tenfold." Turning to the rest "You lot, this is my curse. You'll all REMEMBER magic, but you'll never EVER make any real use of it again."


	170. Chapter 170:Sears and Roebuck Tournament

**[a/n]** With _Diary of Time_ concluded. This will be my primary focus, unless another full story catches my muse.

 **Harry Does Different ZzzzZZu**

Sears and Roebuck Tournament

"So Hermione, I found something in the library I didn't quite expect." Harry offered his male friend a wink while giving his female one a concerned expression.

The witch lit up predictably "Well don't keep it a secret! Haaaarrriiiiiiiiieeeeeeeee!"

"Miss Granger!" the librarian warned, dangerously.

The boys smirked at each other while Harry continued "I never quite imagined a Muggle shopping catalog turning up in a Hogwarts library."

"What?" whispered Hermione in a befuddled tone.

Harry slid a book she might have defined as 'a bit of light reading' across the table "Behold - Sears and Roebuck, Summer Catalog, 1958. American no less."

"You cannot buy much of this in Britain anymore." Noted Hermione, fascinated by the Guns & Ammo section it was open to. Then she saw his expression "Uh-UH! Harry! No WAY!"

The librarian snarled "Enough Miss Granger! You are banned for three days! You and Misters Potter and Weasley!"

"So what would be best against a dragon?" wondered Harry as he turned pages. He leafed through, scanning each page until something caught his eye. "Ahh…here we are…mmmhmmm…order form … page 984 … item F2. Mione? Can your parents mail it? Then they can send it here. I don't think Hoggies has a zip code."

Abcij

Harry coolly and confidently strode out of the Champions' tent to face his dragon, yelled "Hey ugly! I'm gonna use your head for boots!" This elicited a furious roar and a fireball. Which Harry dodged, a planned move behind a boulder. Out of his robes, he pulled something a bit larger than a Snitch…tugged on it… then heaved it at the monster.

Gasp was the crowd's reaction. Was this all the Gryffindor boy could do? Throw things at it? Were they about to see the end of Harry Potter?

**BANG** Everybody heard it a bare second before blood brains or bone rained down on the crowd. The Hungarian Hortail had caught whatever was thrown in its mouth. The body thrashed this way and that, then collapsed…quite definitely dead.

"You weren't supposed to kill her you bloody bastard!" screamed Charlie Weasley leading an army of furious Dragon Handlers.

Harry was just pleased to be breathing. He held up the egg in a triumphant stance. Nor did he care about Ron's feelings "Stick it up your arse Weasley! I'm alive! This thing tried to make a Harrykabob!"

"Before determine your points, what exactly did you do Harry. All of us would find it most difficult to credit the slaying of a dragon by a teenager." Dumbledore's voice was at least unaccusatory.

But Harry was offended…deeply so… "That didn't stop you gits tossing me in and telling me to sink or swim, did it? But hey, I already have a basilisk under my belt. Here, Sears Catalog, item F2 US Army World War 2 surplus Fragmentation Grenade."

"I see, well, we won't have this come up again." Dumbledore took the page from the youngest competitor and a quick flash of orange and yellow destroyed it "Judges, let us debate the scores for this event."

Abcij

Harry's hair was still wet and messier than usual, having just come from an illuminating dip in the Prefects' bath. He unshrunk his Catalog and opened beside Hermione "Myrtle gave me the last piece of the puzzle. I get it now. They're going to steal something valuable of mine and give it to a bunch of hostile mermen who live at the bottom of Black Lake."

"How are you supposed to breathe to get all the way down there? It must be hundreds of feet!" Hermione complained "And Professor Dumbledore destroyed your -"

Harry shrugged "All he destroyed was one page of the Catalog. Let's see … HA! Here it is! Under Recreational Diving … page 1219. Items 1 thru 5 G. Then Fishing Gear … page 745 item A, then 25 of item T I think. Good thing Hedwig likes travel."

"What's a spurgin?" asked Ron with a gormless blink, he was leaning over Harry's shoulder.

It was lucky that Harry had until February to obtain his items. Sears returned Mr. Granger's check and order form because SCUBA gear had developed quite a bit since the 1950s and those specific items were no longer sold. A new form with modern items and the greater cost had to be remailed for processing.

Abcij

Whereas Fleur Viktor and Cedric showed up well dressed for a swim, Harry was fully equipped in the Muggle sense for an undersea war. Rubber suit, oxygen tank, flippers, speargun and quiver of underwater arrows. Muggleborns whispered in some degree of awe, Purebloods were scornful of the ridiculous getup. Regardless, no one questioned the Muggle gadget or the long thin pieces of metal he chose to jump into the lake with.

"Only one!" the greenish-merman growled at the wizard and stuck a pitchfork against the offender's throat.

Harry's reaction was instantaneous. He stuck his speargun into the attacker's belly and pulled the trigger. In a trice, he reloaded and fired two more times … setting both Hermione and the little French girl free to float to the surface, then swam off with Ron. On the way to the surface, he saw multiple pursuers and fired repeatedly. Jumping on the boardwalk full of spectators and yanking his friend from the freezing cold water, he used his last two bolts on furiously screeching mermen who only stopped when Dumbledore screeched back.

"Harry, explain yourself." The Headmaster commanded "You killed six and wounded three. Why?"

Panting with still unused adrenaline the youngest contestant complained "Don't much like … almost getting … beheaded. Then chased by …army."

"Obviously, we cannot let you keep such a weapon and we will have to see about appeasing the Merch ief." Dumbledore pinched the bridge of his nose and retired to consult with his fellow judges.

Abcij

Neville Longbottom had grown quite wary of his fellow Gryffindor this past year. A boy his own age who nevertheless was competing in an event known to have quite a casualty list. And that among the competitors, not usually among judges or staff. Timidly, he approached "Can I ask what you're doing, Harry?"

"Just trying to work out the next task. How ya doin Nev?" he replied "Just wish I could figure what they're up to at the Quidditch Pitch."

Neville looked hesitant "You know I'm pretty good with Herbology?"

"I don't think I'd've made it through First Year if it wasn't for you." Countered Harry earnestly.

Neville grinned at the praise "You've been good since. But…anywho…I walked past there the other day and smelled Scottish march dyke. They use that for hedges and hedges make great mazes. I'd bet a Galleon or three that's what they're growing in there."

"That makes a lot of sense, mate, a whole lotta sense." Harry slapped him on the shoulder grinning "So what's gonna help me navigate a maze?" He started leafing through the Sears Catalog on his lap.

As un-anti-Muggleborn as the Weasleys, he was nevertheless even more clueless "Not to be too Ronish, but bloody hell! What's that?"

"Who says I have to navigate a maze?" asked Harry gleefully "Hermione! I need your parents again!"

The young witch rushed over with some trepidation and asked "What now?" and when she saw what filled half the page groaned "They're REALLY going to ask questions. That look doesn't help!"

"Thanks Mione." He replied with a widening grin.

Abcij

The day of the Third Task Draco Malfoy was remarkably more observant than usual "Idiot Potter! You don't bring underwater stuff! That was last time."

"Not bad, Malfoy." Harry nodded at his nemesis "This DOES look a bit like SCUBA gear. You might call this its evil twin, though. See, I noted the object was to go THROUGH the maze. No reason I can't go through walls. Shortest distance and all that." He demonstrated with a brief fireball.

The crowd watched in astonished awe as the youngest champion moved faster than any of his competitors to the Cup. His progress made obvious by the flames. What made them cry out was the obvious flash of a portkey whisking away the winner.

Abcij

"Oww! Uhh!" grunted Harry as he shook off the portkey effect. He was just a little paranoid at the unexpected event, so he spun around when he heard footsteps.

A cruel high pitched voice cackled "Congratulations Harry Potter. Though if you hadn't had my help. Wormtail! Stun him!"

"Don't try it." Commanded Harry. He only spared a glance to confirm the flamethrower was still operational.

Peter Pettigrew was completely ignorant of Muggle technology. The homunculus Voldemort hadn't the patience with his resurrection at hand "Stun him now fool!" Wormtail's hand went to his Lord's wand and the spell was on his lips as he took aim.

Harry might not be as fast or accurate as his parents' betrayer, but then his finger was already on the trigger and a flamethrower doesn't need to hit a Knut at 50 feet to be lethal. He looked on in shock as both screamed in agony. Whether you could say a homunculus was alive is debatable, but either way both died horribly trying to beat out flames with burning hands. It occurred to Harry this might be proof needed to free Sirius so he ran down to the half consumed bodies, _accio_ ed the TriWizard Cup and returned to Hogwarts.


	171. Chapter 171: HPDD By Delylah

**[a/n0]** Note of importance from last time. The US liked to use an acid based detonator that had a nasty tendency to fail in storage. Word of advice? If you encounter *ANY* WW1/WW2 vintage munition, do NOT handle it.

 **[a/n]** I read this one recently, which sadly fell into the incomplete category way back in 2007. It's a dozen chapters of Harry in his new alias. My way it's only one, but it creates a huge mess. 1st half of tale IS the original [with some editing]

 **Harry Does Different ZzzzZZv**

 **Harry Potter Deadly Deception** By Delylah

 **Chapter 1 - Minus One** 1 September, 1997

Hermione Granger stood alone on Platform 9 3/4 at King's Cross. She scanned the crowd of students and parents repeatedly but had yet to spot the face she was looking for. She began to grow impatient; then impatience turned into worry. What if . . .

"Hermione." A masculine voice spoke her name at the same time that a large hand fell on her shoulder.

Hermione whirled around and beheld the somber countenance of Ron Weasley. Wordlessly, they embraced each other. It had been three weeks since the funeral; the pain was still too fresh to allow them to speak of the events of the summer. Tears sprang anew to Hermione's eyes, and she let them fall. She wore no makeup to be concerned with, and had learned that no matter how often she wiped them away, new tears welled up to take their place. She sniffled and felt Ron's arms briefly clutch her tighter before he released her.

"Here." Ron fumbled in his pocket, withdrew a soft handkerchief and handed it to her.

She accepted it with a whispered "Thanks," and dabbed at her face. "I'm sorry," she said, in a voice that had been made hoarse by grief. "I keep promising myself that I won't do this, but I just can't help it."

"I know." Ron's voice was also hoarse. If Hermione had looked closely, she would have seen that unshed tears glistened in his eyes as well. He drew her to his side protectively and waited while she collected herself.

"I think I'll be okay now. Where is the rest of your family?"

"Helping Ginny with her things. They'll be along in a minute. I've got to go back for my trunk; I wanted to see if you were here yet, so I ran ahead."

"I'm glad. I was starting to get worried. I don't think I could bear it if . . . ."

"Hush. Don't even think that. Come on, let's get your things on the train, then I'll go get mine."

As Ron took Hermione's trolley and steered it towards the baggage car, the rest of the Weasley family began to emerge from the barrier that separated Platform 9 3/4 from the Muggle world. Fred appeared first, followed by Ginny and George. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley brought up the rear. Ginny ran to Hermione and embraced her in a tight hug.

"I'm so glad to see you," Ginny murmured.

"Me too," Hermione replied, squeezing the younger girl. "I've been worried about you. And about Ron." She released Ginny and stepped back a bit to talk.

"Ron is . . . okay." Ginny said.

"And you?"

Ginny turned haunted eyes to Hermione's face. Hermione could see that she was unusually pale, and that her eyes were red-rimmed. She knew her own appearance couldn't be much better. "I'm surviving," Ginny answered finally. Hermione imagined that was probably the best way to describe it for all three of them. "I just . . . I still can't believe he's truly gone. It doesn't feel right, going back to Hogwarts without Harry."

"I know," Hermione said. "But we have to, Ginny. He would have wanted us to."

Ron walked up to the girls once more, having retrieved his own trunk and loaded it and Ginny's onto the train. Without speaking, Hermione and Ginny each reached a hand out to him, which he grasped firmly. They stood quietly together for a long moment. Ron was the one to finally break the silence. "Ready, then?"

"Ready," the girls replied together. Mrs. Weasley embraced each of them and whispered words of comfort in their ears. Ron shook hands with Fred and George, and embraced his father. Fred and George gave each of the girls a hug. It was a time for family to cling together, and for once they were in no mood for pranks. Together the students boarded the Hogwarts Express, minus one of their own. Harry Potter would not be returning to Hogwarts with them.

Ginny, Ron, and Hermione were the last to board the train. As they made their way down the corridor, the train lurched several times beneath their feet and began rolling slowly away from the station. Hermione and Ron stopped near the front of the train. Finally, Ginny peered into one of the only compartments left. It was occupied by a boy she didn't know, who was seated next to the window watching the scenery pass by. When she rapped softly against the door, he turned in surprise. "Um, hello," he said.

Ginny noticed his cheeks pinken slightly. She smiled and returned his greeting. "Hello. I was wondering if you have room for a few more?"

"Erm, sure. There's just me in here. And my owl." He pointed to the tawny owl perched on his shoulder, who nipped his ear affectionately.

"I wanted to save seats for my brother and our friend. We have an owl, too, and a cat. Is that okay?" Ginny brought the carriers into view. Pig was fluttering madly about his cage; Crookshanks was napping.

The boy looked at her nervously. Ginny believed she saw him swallow hard before he answered. "Of course. There's plenty of room."

''Thanks." Ginny eased into the compartment and shut the door behind her. "Mind if I let Pig out? He's a bit restless."

The boy smiled. "Pig would be the owl?"

"Yes. Pig is short for Pigwidgeon. I know it sounds silly, but it means 'small.'"

"Really? Suits him, then. Go ahead, let him out."

Ginny opened the door to Pigwidgeon's cage. He immediately shot out and began fluttering about the compartment. The boy's owl hooted indignantly at him when Pig flew too close. Ginny laughed and held her hand out for the little owl. He landed long enough for her to feed him some owl treats before fluttering about in circles once more. "He's been cooped up all morning. Maybe if he flies long enough, he'll be calm by the time Ron gets here and Ron won't yell at him." Ginny noticed the boy looking at her a bit strangely and realized she had failed to introduce herself. "I'm so sorry. You must think me terribly rude. I'm Ginny. Ginny Weasley. And you are?"

"Um, Evan. Evan Jameson." The boy swallowed nervously once more.

"It's nice to meet you, Evan. You're new, aren't you? I don't remember seeing you at Hogwarts. But surely you can't be a first year. You look much too old."

"No! No, I'm not a first year. I'm . . . I'm a transfer student. From Durmstrang. I'll be at Hogwarts for my sixth and seventh years."

"Oh, you'll be in the same year as my brother Ron, then. And Hermione, too. She's one of . . . she's his best friend," Ginny finished sadly, reminded yet again that they were minus a friend this year. She felt her eyes burn with unshed tears and busied herself with Crookshanks, who was still napping. When she felt she could speak without choking, she continued. "I'm in fifth year. O.W.L. year, you know. Did you take O.W.L.s at Durmstrang?"

"Yes."

"Really? How did you do?" Ginny had taken the seat across from Evan. She pulled Crookshanks onto her lap and stroked his fur as he purred contentedly. He had barely stirred when she'd removed him from the carrier. When Evan did not reply to her question, she looked up to find he was staring warily at the cat in her lap.

"Oh, I didn't even ask if you minded."

"No, it's okay. I just don't always get along all that well with cats."

As if on cue, Crookshanks blinked his eyes several times and rose to a sitting position on Ginny's lap. He switched his tail back and forth slowly as he peered at the boy across the compartment. Ginny continued to stroke the cat as she chattered.

"Oh, Crookshanks is a marvelous cat. He's very intelligent, and a great judge of character. You'll probably get along with him just . . . ."

At that moment, Crookshanks jumped across to the seat next to by Evan. He stood on his hind legs, placed his paws against Evan's shoulder and sniffed Evan's face and hair.

"Wha...what's he doing?" Evan stammered, clearly uncomfortable.

"Crookshanks! Leave him alone!" Ginny was mortified. "I'm so sorry. He usually keeps to himself around strangers."

Crookshanks ignored Ginny and climbed onto Evan's lap, then rose up once more and sniffed the owl on Evan's shoulder.

"Crookshanks! Really, that's enough!" Ginny called again. The cat turned to look at her, blinked twice, then turned a circle in Evan's lap and plopped down to continue his nap.

"Well, I never." Ginny said, amazed by the cat's behavior. She reached across to retrieve the cat, but Evan stopped her.

"No, it's all right. I don't mind. I didn't say I didn't like cats. I just don't always get along with them. But he seems to like me okay."

"I'm terribly sorry," Ginny apologized again. "He's not even my cat. He belongs to my friend Hermione. He's usually a bit of a snob, in fact. I don't know if I've ever seen him take to someone this quickly. But, like I said, he's usually a great judge of character. You must be okay, then," she teased gently, and smiled. Evan returned her smile and stroked the cat in his lap.

"You never answered my question, you know?" Ginny reminded him.

Evan looked up. "What question was that?"

"How did you do on the O.W.L.s? Were they terribly difficult? I'm just dreading them. Ron and Hermione and Harry had an awful . . . " Ginny trailed off once more, stricken, realizing that she hadn't mentioned Harry to Evan before. She choked on the rest of the sentence and realized she would not be able to stave off the tears this time. She stood abruptly. "Excuse me, I need to find the loo," she whispered and left.

Harry exhaled loudly into the empty compartment. His heart was thumping wildly. Ginny's grief-stricken expression had nearly undone him. He was glad she had excused herself; hopefully it would give him a chance to pull himself back together before she returned. He had known he would come face to face with his friends sooner or later, but had prayed it would be later rather than sooner. He had desperately hoped for some time to get comfortable in his new identity before he encountered them.

Harry looked towards the window, where he could see a partial reflection of himself. The image was still startling; he still had to consciously refrain from doing a double take when he passed in front of a mirror or window. His hair was deep brown and very neat. His face was fuller, the jaw more squared and the chin less pointy than they used to be. His nose had a distinctly different tilt, and his mouth was shaped differently as well. His eyes were still green, but he had purchased brown contact lenses, the kind he could sleep in, to wear in lieu of his glasses. His height remained unchanged, but his body had been made to appear heavier and more muscled than his own slighter build. His voice had been altered as well and now rumbled out of his chest in a way that was disconcerting at times. The charms were long-term; he only had to strengthen them with an incantation once a day, and he had some leeway even then.

Dumbledore had warned him that the year ahead would not be easy. Harry had expected that, but he hadn't comprehended just how difficult it would be, not really. It was killing him just to see the sadness in Ginny's face when she had inadvertently mentioned his name. He hoped she was all right. He closed his eyes and rested his head in his hands as he remembered the events that had brought him to this point.

**********8 August, 1996

Ron and Harry ogled the latest Firebolt model in the window at Quality Quidditch Supplies. Harry was perfectly happy with his own Firebolt, but he enjoyed looking at the new models. Although he knew he would never get rid of his Firebolt, which was precious to him because it had been a gift from his godfather, he might find it necessary to upgrade someday. He might play professionally, for Puddlemere United, or the Tornadoes, or the Cannons. He lost himself in dreams of Professional Quidditch while Ron babbled statistics next to him. When Harry checked his watch again, he discovered that he and Ron had frittered away most of the half hour they had to spare before meeting the girls.

"Ron, it's almost one. Let's go. Hermione and Ginny are probably waiting on us."

"Harry, they're girls. Girls are always late. They're probably looking at cosmetics, or reading about the latest beauty charms in some magazine. We've got time."

"Ron, I'm hungry. Let's go, okay?"

"Looking forward to O.W.L.s this year, Ginny?" Harry asked, in an effort to make conversation while they studied the menus.

"Oh, of course, Harry. I simply can't wait to study eight hours a night, skip Hogsmeade visits to study on weekends, and scribble essays on parchments until my fingers bleed. Thanks ever so much for reminding me," Ginny replied sarcastically. She kicked Harry lightly under the table and then returned her attention to the menu. Harry kicked her back and laughed when she stuck her tongue out at him. As he perused his own menu, his three companions glanced at each other in surprise, pleased to hear laughter from their friend.

Truth was, Ginny Weasley had become rather attractive over the past four years. He usually didn't take much notice of her; she was just there, Today was a little different. With Ron and Hermione so obviously dancing some kind of animal kingdom pre-mating ritual, he felt as if the group had been divided somewhat differently today, with Ron and Hermione on one side and himself and Ginny on the other. It was . . . strange, but not uncomfortable. Ginny glanced up, noticed him watching her and crossed her eyes at him. He grinned and took another swallow of butterbeer, nearly draining the bottle. The room seemed to be growing warmer, and he imagined it was because he was having unusual thoughts about Ginny. He ran his hand across his forehead and discovered he had broken out into a sweat. As he looked down at his hand, his vision seemed to blur a bit, and he began to feel nauseous.

"Harry?"

He looked up again. Ginny was watching him worriedly.

"Harry, are you okay? You look a little pale."

Her voice sounded far away, and he felt he had to strain to hear her. He tried to focus on her face, but his vision hadn't cleared up; it seemed as if the room was getting darker.

"Harry, you really don't look so good." Ginny reached her hand over and touched his own.

Harry noticed that her skin felt much warmer than his did. His stomach clenched suddenly, and Harry wondered if he would make it to a lavatory before losing the contents of his stomach. When he slid down from his stool, Ginny slid off of hers, too, and stood beside him, placing a hand on his arm as if to brace him. He noticed Ron and Hermione had stopped talking and were staring at him now as well.

"I think I may be ill," he told them. He grabbed the chair beside him as a wave of dizziness washed over him. It felt as if the entire world had tilted. Ginny tightened her grasp on his arm.

Harry tried to take a step forward and suddenly felt as if he had been dropped into an icy lake. He was freezing, and he couldn't draw in a breath, as if his lungs had collapsed from the sudden cold. He stumbled into Ginny and grasped at her arms in an attempt to steady himself. He looked into her eyes; she appeared to be horrified.

"Gin . . . help . . . please." He could no longer hold on; his legs buckled under him, and as he collapsed to the floor, he could hear her screaming.

"HARRY!"

Then the world went black.

**********11 August, 1996

When Harry awoke, he was in an unfamiliar bed in an unfamiliar room. There were no windows, and there was only one lamp on the nightstand beside the bed. It was lit, but it didn't do much to dispel the darkness in the room. He groaned as he attempted to sit up. His entire body ached as if he had been run over by a train.

"Slowly, Harry. You have been ill for several days." The voice was a familiar one. He turned and saw Albus Dumbledore sitting in a chair next to the bed. The Headmaster appeared weary and seemed to have aged since Harry had last seen him at the leaving feast.

"Ill? I feel like I've been dead."

"In a manner of speaking . . . you have been."

"What? What do you mean?"

"What is the last thing you remember, Harry?"

Harry struggled to reorient himself. His brain felt foggy. Finally, he remembered. "Diagon Alley. Leaky Cauldron. I got sick."

"You were poisoned, Harry. You have been in a near-death sleep for four days. I have much to tell you; I only hope you will be able to forgive me once you have heard it."

"Where are we? Why am I not at the hospital? Who poisoned me? Where are Ron and Hermione and Ginny?"

Dumbledore sighed heavily, and Harry grew extremely concerned. The Headmaster was usually lighthearted by nature. The last time Harry had seen him so disheartened was after the fiasco at the Ministry of Magic. After Sirius had died. -"Harry, you are aware of the role that Professor Snape plays for the Order of the Phoenix."

"Yes."

"Several nights ago, the night before your trip to Diagon Alley, Severus came to me. Voldemort had summoned him and commanded him to kill you, Harry. Had he refused outright, Voldemort would have killed him immediately."

"You're saying Snape poisoned me?"

"Professor Snape, Harry. Yes. Professor Snape and I have been expecting this for some time. In order to be prepared, we had already worked out a feasible plan. Unfortunately, the best opportunity to follow through happened to present itself the day after Professor Snape advised me of Voldemort's instructions, which was the day you visited Diagon Alley."

"Opportunity? You let him poison me? Without explaining any of this to me first?"

"Harry, please understand this was a matter of the utmost urgency. It was important that Voldemort continue to believe that Severus was completely loyal to him. It was important for him to believe you were dead. I apologize for not being able to inform you prior to poisoning you, but in actuality, it probably worked out better that you didn't know beforehand. It was more realistic that way."

"Did it work?"

"Yes."

"How?"

''The poison Professor Snape used is one that causes the victim to fall into a stupor that simulates death. Circulation, respiration, and other bodily functions are slowed to the point that they are undetectable, even by medical professionals. Professor Snape also included several other ingredients to add a bit of drama: chills, sweating, nausea, and convulsions" Harry shuddered at the thought of having gone into convulsions in front of his friends. Dumbledore noticed and grasped one of Harry's hands with his own. "The rest will not be easy for you to hear, Harry. I beg you to hear me out and try to hold your questions until I am finished. I would not have taken such drastic measures unless your life and the lives of others were at stake."

Harry nodded that he understood (even though he didn't yet, really), and Professor Dumbledore continued.

"After you collapsed at the Leaky Cauldron, you were rushed by members of the Order to St. Mungo's, where you were pronounced dead later that evening. Your aunt and uncle were notified of your passing. Your funeral service was conducted at the chapel in Hogsmeade two days later, which was yesterday, and you were buried in the cemetery there." Professor Dumbledore paused as Harry's face grew sheet white.

"Buried?"

"It was necessary to complete the illusion. You were buried with a Portkey on your person, which was set to activate last night. It brought you directly here. I've been waiting for you to awaken since that time. Professor Snape stood guard at the gravesite until I notified him you had returned safely."

Harry closed his eyes in an attempt to push down the revulsion. When his stomach clenched and his mouth watered, he knew he was about to be sick. Fortunately Professor Dumbledore recognized his distress and produced a small vial from his pocket.

"Drink this. It will soothe your stomach," the headmaster said.

Harry opened the vial, which contained a chalky liquid that smelled faintly of mint and lemon. The potion tingled his throat on the way down to his stomach, where it settled and eased the churning Harry felt. He returned the empty vial to Dumbledore, and then leaned forward with his head between his knees until the nausea had completely subsided.

"You were given an antidote as soon as you arrived, but the poison has not completely left your system. It may cause some residual illness for the next day or two," Dumbledore explained quietly, but Harry knew it wasn't the poison that had caused his stomach to clench. The thought of having been in the ground was abhorrent to him.

"What about Ron, and Hermione, and Ginny? And the rest of the Weasleys?" Harry finally croaked when he was able.

When Dumbledore closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, as if to gather his strength, Harry knew this answer would be the worst of all. "Harry, for your own safety, and that of Professor Snape, it was necessary that they, along with the rest of the world, believe you are dead."

"No. No. Tell me you didn't let them watch me die. Please," Harry pleaded. His last memory was of Ginny screaming as he fell.

"I am sorry, Harry. I had to."

Harry buried his head in his hands and wept.

************September 1 1996

Harry looked back towards the compartment door when he heard it slide open. Ginny had returned, looking pale but somewhat calmer. Harry only wished that he could say the same about himself. Ginny's scream still echoed in his head, and he wished with every fiber of his being that he could comfort her somehow. He almost hated Dumbledore for placing him in this position. He knew that Ginny was stronger than most people gave her credit for, but for her to have witnessed his "death" first hand, for her to have been the one he collapsed against . . . . Harry feared it had placed a heavier burden on her than she could bear. He hated deceiving her this way; he was afraid he was not up to this task at all. But he had to try. "Are you okay?" he asked her.

"I'm fine. I'm sorry; I didn't mean to be rude.". She reclaimed her seat across from him and wrapped her arms around her middle. "I . . . we lost a friend earlier this month. Harry. He would have been in your year, too, along with Ron and Hermione."

"Harry Potter?" he asked. He hoped that she couldn't detect the slight tremor in his voice.

"Yes. You've heard of him?"

Harry swallowed. Merlin forgive him, please. "Of course," he replied gently. "I grew up hearing about Harry Potter. I think everyone our age did."

Ginny flushed slightly. "Of course you did. That was silly of me. It's just . . . I didn't really think of him as 'famous Harry Potter' or 'The Boy Who Lived' anymore. He was just Harry, you know? Our friend. One of the family, really. My brothers kind of adopted him during his first year at Hogwarts, and the rest of the family followed along the summer after that. My mum and dad considered him one of their own. He spent summers and holidays with us." Ginny took a deep breath and smiled through the tears that had spilled over her cheeks once more. "Gods, I'm sorry. Listen to me babbling on like this. You must think I'm cracked." She searched her pockets for her handkerchief and swiped at the tears.

"Not at all," Harry replied, both touched and tormented. He had never known that she had stopped thinking of him as "famous Harry Potter" and thought of him as simply Harry. It warmed his insides in a way that he had thought he might never feel again. Hedwig chose that particular moment to remind him of her presence by hooting softly and chewing a bit of his hair.

Ginny looked up at the tawny-colored owl and smiled. "What's your owl's name?"

"He . . . Hecuba."

"Pretty name. Very regal. Hecuba was the queen of Troy in the Iliad. Do you think she'd like some owl treats?"

"I'm sure she'd love some."

Ginny held her hand out with the promised treats. The owl hopped from her owner's shoulder to the seat next to him, then flapped across the compartment to the seat beside Ginny to take the treats from Ginny's palm. The owl allowed herself to be stroked and hooted softly towards the girl. "She's beautiful," Ginny said.

"Thanks. She's a good friend, too."

When Ginny looked up at him, there was a strange look on her face for a brief moment, but it soon cleared. He imagined she was reacting to the melancholy tone in his voice. As if in answer, she spoke again.

"It must be hard to transfer to a new school where you don't know anyone. I hope you'll let me be your friend, too, Evan Jameson."

"I think I'd like that, Ginny Weasley." He smiled at her and was gratified by the warm, open smile she gave in return.

 _ **Delylah's til now. Here's where I step in.**_

On the surface Evan Jameson pleasantly interacted with Harry Potter's friends. His disguise worked flawlessly, as Professor Dumbledore told him it would. Underneath, Harry Potter was deeply upset. He could just read the pain on their faces and it tore at his heart. The Dursleys? Hell, they probably invited unAunt Marge over for a party when they got word of his demise! Every time Ron, Hermione, Ginny or Neville would choke on a memory he would feel like such an imposter.

"FIRS YEARS THIS WAY!" was heard to echo in Hogsmeade Station as soon as the Express doors opened for the arriving students.

Harry felt a sense of relief at being able to drop the troublefree mask of Evan. He approached the giant who'd been his first contact with the Magical world and gave a melancholy "Hiya Hagrid, I imagine you were told to keep on the lookout for me? Transfers need to get Sorted like Firsties."

"Ye know me? 'ow?" the bearded wonder was taken aback.

Harry just sighed "Somehow I doubt you'd believe me." The ride across Black Lake on the boats that was such a joy to 11 year old Harry was a source of anguish to the teenage wizard. He held the lantern and sat in the back of the boat to allow the rookies to enjoy the experience to the fullest. He was regarded with curiosity, but not spoken to. He didn't really belong.

"The First Years, plus one, Fessor Gonagall." Said Hagrid to the stern looking witch who towered over all but one of the new arrivals.

"Thank you Professor Hagrid. Welcome to Hogwarts. You will join your classmates in a moment." This was the Deputy's ritual speech for decades "But first you must be Sorted into your Houses. Now, while you are here, your House is like your family. You will earn points for your triumphs, any misdeeds will cost you points. The Houses are Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin. Those new to magic, please know that each House is in honor of one of our Founders. Each has produced its share of remarkable witches and wizards. Follow me."

It was then Harry decided what he needed to do, he called out "Professor! I wonder if I can speak to you?"

"Mr. Jameson, I believe it is." She acknowledged the teen who was easily identified "The Headmaster informed me of your transfer from Durmstrang. A rarity indeed. Very well, children, go on ahead. We will follow you." After the youngsters led the way, she began slowly walking "Mr. Jameson you have my attention."

Harry nodded "Professor, you know generally that vision can be easily tricked any number of ways? Especially with magic?"

"Of course." She replied a little brusquely "And I assume there is a point to your query. Kindly make it brief as I have VERY little time before the Sorting begins."

Harry gave a semi-amused snort and scolded her "Why Professor, not making a new transfer feel all that welcome." He ignored her offended expression and continued "You can look for glamors and such? Can you test me? Without removing them? Then tell me if you can remove them?"

"Those spells …Mr. Jameson… were cast by an exceptional individual." She answered after a few flicks of her wand "Yes, I do know the necessary counter-curses. Would you care to explain?"  
He shook his head "Not just yet. I'd rather do it in public. Say after the Firsties are Sorted you can announce my name and remove them. How's that?"

"Agreed." She replied, stiffly "I want it understood that I will have my eye on you at all times. Do not do ANYTHING even remotely threatening or you will be hexed! Are we clear?"

He gave a flippant half-salute in honor of Sirius and quipped "My word of honor Minnie."

"If I didn't know better-" she began and cut herself off with a sniff and wiped her eyes.

Evan's expression didn't change, unlike the grieving of his friends which only brought sadness and guilt on his part, that of his Head of House brought anger. Quite suddenly, he was furious … with Dumbledore for doing this to him … and with the nasty son of a bitch who was deemed more important than Harry's life. "Just announce me like expected, let me step onto the platform and instead of putting the Hat on me, fire your spells. Right?" he said, curtly.

"Mr. Jameson, you are not making a good first impression on someone who is going to have considerable say on your educational career." She countered, irritably.

It occurred to Harry that his 'death' had affected more than just those he was close friends to. He gave a subdued "Yes Professor. Please understand I'm very angry at two people in there right now. I didn't mean to direct it at you."

"This, then, has to do with your fictional appearance?" she concluded "Know that removal of those charms tends to cause … discomfort. Precede me into the hall."

Harry only nodded and complied, he saw the tip of the Deputy Headmistress' wand poking in her robe.

"Now that we are all assembled, let the Sorting commence." Announced Professor Dumbledore. With that, William Abbott joined his sister in Hufflepuff and it wound down with Mafalda Weasley in Slytherin. "And now, one last, a transfer student from Durmstrang. I hope you will make Mr. Evan Jameson welcome. I believe you have seen the process enough to get the idea. Please step forward."

Professor McGonagall acted rather strangely, especially to those who had seen multiple Sortings. She suddenly drew her wand and fired a bright white spell at the transfer pupil. He fell to his knees gagging. There was an immediate uproar when he recovered, straightened and showed his face.

" _Sonorous_!" touching his wand to his throat declaring "Yes! I am Harry Potter! And rumors of my death have been GREATLY exaggerated! Specifically, by that LIAR!" he pointed to the Headmaster "To protect THAT Death Eater!" he pointed out the not-yet-announced Potions cum DADA Professor.

Dumbledore was on his feet "I am most disappointed in you-"

"Worse than your father! Can't obey a simple order! _AVADA KEDAVRA_!" Snape lashed out and the green spell raced toward its target.

Wand already out, Harry dodged and countered " _EXPELLIARMUS_!" As had been seen, that spell could either pop a wand out of an opponent's hand or blast one across a room, depending on intent and force. Snape was blasted right through his chair and one of the stained-glass windows behind the Head Table.

"STORRR-YYYYYYYYYYYYY!" came from the Slytherin Table, it was Daphne Greengrass wailing at the sight of her sister's still form on the floor. So distracted was everyone by the sight of the Head of House being blasted by a student that they hadn't followed where the dodge spell had gone. Regrettably the course, after Harry dodged, intersected with the completely unsuspecting Fourth Year who took it in the back of the head.

Abcij

Hours later, and ordered away from a happy reunion with his thrilled friends, Harry was in Dumbledore's office being scolded "…and I explained the necessity of this - at great length, Harry. Professor-"

"Snivilus!" the boy cut him off, angry at the lecture.

The Headmaster snapped back "You will show PROFESSOR SNAPE the respect he is due!"

"Fuck him. And fuck you too!" Harry shot back "He fucking poisoned me and you fucking helped him!"

The Head of Gryffindor chose to ignore the outburst "I would appreciate an explanation as to what is going on. While I am immensely pleased to see Mr. Potter alive and well, I am more than entitled to a how and why."

"Voldemort told Snape to kill me and the bearded idiot there helped greasy pull it off." Harry's summary was replete with angry gestures.

Dumbledore sighed in disappointment "Clearly I was expecting too much of you, Harry. You are simply too young to understand the decisions made in wartime. Now, I will need considerable cooperation from you to contend with the fallout of the situation you have created. I do not yet know how to - Amelia … and Cyrus."

"That is LORD Greengrass, Dumbledore. My wife is currently tending to my SOLE daughter and I am here to decide whether I will call for your removal from this school. I assume the boy's presence has something to do with Astoria's murder?" the man was throbbing with repressed fury.

The Headmaster was gathering his thoughts when Harry jumped in "HE needed a spy, so HE decided to help Snape kill me. But it was some kind of trick. Now he's pissed at me for blowing the whistle. Snape threw an _Avada_ at me, but missed. I guess, in a sense, you can blame me for your daughter."

"Blame you? For not dying? I think not." He said gruffly "No, but it does settle my position. I will do all I can to get you off your throne here. As for Astoria's murderer I -"

Madam Bones held up a hand interrupting "That is a LEGAL matter, Cyrus. I will be taking Mr. Snape into custody to stand tri-"

"Amelia, PROFESSOR Snape has my full confidence. And more importantly, we must find a way to make the best of the mess Harry created by ruining our plan." Dumbledore urged worriedly.

The young wizard snorted "You mean YOUR plan. YOU didn't see my friends cry over MY death. Bloody liar. But, Mr. Greengrass, maybe he does have a point. Voldemort hates liars and failures. I say we send him an owl where to find the greasy git."

"Judging by Daphne's account, I find that option wholly acceptable." The grieving father said.

The Head of DMLE said "While I leave the matter of Hogwarts' administration in your hands, Mr. Snape will get a trial as the law mandates."

"Wonder why Sirius didn't get one." Harry sneered at her.

She shot back "Do not overuse your popularity with me young man. Now, Headmaster, where is the suspect being held?"

"Severus is in his quarters, Amelia and I trust it will be handled with the respect he is due his position." The Headmaster was most stressful in his insistence.

The Greengrass lord was of a different opinion "Boy has a decent idea there, but I'm more inclined to actually slay the Death Eater myself."

"That, sir, is why you will remain here while the suspect is removed to a holding cell in The Ministry where he will be in custody until trial." Madam Bones was firm, but respectful "There are five Aurors in addition to myself here now. Their job is to ensure the suspect receives justice and not a lynching."

To which Harry gave a derisive snort "Too bad you didn't do the same for my Godfather. But, too late, so just sweep it under the rug…right?"

Abcij

"With that the Defense rests. I thank the Wizengamot for your attention." Said the witch who spoke on behalf the defendants.

Ignoring her Dumbledore stood "This action, ladies and gentlemen, is completely uncalled for."

"On the charge…against Severus Snape… of second degree murder and the associated charge of using an Unforgivable against a Human how does the Wizengamot find?" asked Minister Fudge, gravely.

Cyrus Greengrass had worked quietly behind the scenes for this moment for weeks. Friends were promised favors, enemies were blackmailed, there was little doubt of the result. The Wizengamot screamed "GUILTY!"

"Have you considered a sentence?" Fudge followed up.

The mood in the courtroom was such that only one response would've satisfied "DEATH!"

"Aurors, secure the prisoner." Ordered Fudge, then almost gleefully "How do you find regarding the conspiracy charges… against both Severus Snape and Albus Dumbledore… to poison Harry Potter."

This was not unanimous, but Augusta Longbottom spoke "Guilty and we recommend sentences of 25 to 50 years on those counts."

"Aurors, take Dumbledore to a cell for transfer to Azkaban. Throw Snape through the Veil…immediately. Court is adjourned, of course if anyone wishes to enjoy the execution, they are more than welcome." The Minister for Magic was almost dancing on his toes.


	172. Chapter 172:Evil Little Cockroach

**[a/n]** November 15 was million hit day! Throw some confetti!

 **Harry Does Different ZzzzZZx**

Evil Little Cockroach

The trio were walking through Hogwarts courtyard and came upon a big nasty looking man who was holding an even nastier looking weapon. The man saw the children, gave a sinister smile and began stroking the blade with a stone. The closer they got the more …well…erotic … the hooded man's sharpening of the weapon became.

"We have to tell Hagrid!" said Harry as soon as they were out of earshot and rushed off in the direction of the groundskeeper's hut.

The Slytherin trio were crouched behind a stone obelisk at the top of the hill leading to Hagrid's. They were laughing nudging each "Come on! Lemme see! I want the head!"

"Just too horrible." Complained Hermione as they reached the end of the corridor.

Ron was first to see them "Just got worse."

"Look who's here!" gloated Draco "Mudblood come to see the show!"

Hermione advanced on him snarling "You! You foul loathsome evil little cockroach!" out came her wand and it was soon pressed into their enemy's neck.

"Come on Mione! He's not worth it." Pleaded Ron, the rare voice of reason.

Crabbe sobbed "d-d-Draco!"

"Go on. Give him a good one." Harry cheered however "Be real creative, and mean."

She glanced back and in that instant, the Slytherin ducked and fled. She shot her friend a disgruntled look and fired " _Licarnum Inflamoree_!"

"If I may borrow, Ron" said Harry with a mocking bow "Miss Granger, that was bloody brilliant." Ron just gaped.

abcij

Upon their return the trio were confronted by a pair of angry Heads of House. "Professor Snape came to me, Potter" the Head of Gryffindor started, holding up charred evidence "with a complaint you had torched Mr. Malfoy's pants. Unless you can account for your whereabouts and actions I will have to deduct points and assign detentions."

"Guilty until proven innocent, Professor?" complained Harry, holding up a hand to silence his friends.

Snape looked furious "Are you daring to call me a liar, Potter?"

"You? Ehh" Harry shrugged off "Malfoy? Yes. Every chance Mr. Sleekeezie's gets, especially about me."

"How dare you!?" the Potions Master snarled "That alone is worth 50 points!"

Ron protested "Oi! Not fair!"

"What else is new?" was Harry's rhetorical jab "Anyway, Professor, you have MY word …and Ron, Hagrid and Hermione as witnesses… that we're back from comforting him over the beheading of Buckbeak."

The Professors frowned at each other, then Snape queried "So you can deny …Potter… encountering Mr. Malfoy at all today?"

"Not at all-" began Harry

Snape interrupted "Sir!"

Harry hardly blinked at him "I remember seeing him at breakfast, but then I also saw Susan Bones there too. Wanna accuse me of burning her pants?"

"Damn your arrogance Potter!" he growled.

"That is a little on the perverted side, Harry." Hermione pointed out.

He blushed and gave a sheepish shrug "Right! Moving on! As I see it, Professor, you have a choice…you can believe HIS snake…or YOUR lions."

"Does Mr. Malfoy have additional evidence to substantiate his claim?" McGonagall asked her fellow Head.

Snape sniffed and declared "Mr. Malfoy's word is not to be questioned. If you will not punish Potter then I will! Qui-"

"Why don't I rate Mister while Malfoy does?" Harry cut him off.

McGonagall want to know "What are you talking about?"

"You say Mr. Malfoy and Miss Granger and Mr. Potter" he clarified "HE just says Potter Weasley or well…know-it-all for Hermione."

Snape was plain irate "Do not interrupt a professor! Now for the destruction of Mr. Malfoy's pants you are barred from Quidditch for the next month."

"I'll nae have it!" McGonagall retorted, her burr showing her irritation "There is apparently some validity to allegations of favoritism. I'll be having a discussion with my Lions tonight. Severus we will be discussing this during the next staff meeting. And no, Mr. Malfoy's unsupported word is not enough to punish Mr. Potter. Your deduction is nullified. You three, off you go."

Once out of sight and earshot Hermione wanted to know "Should I confess? After all, it was me that done it?"

"Are you barmy?" countered Ron.

Harry shook his head "You wanna confess? Tell Fred and George. But, seriously, Malfoy…or Snape… made it about me. Let's first find out why before anything else."


	173. Chapter 173:I See No Difference

**[a/n0]HAPPY THANXGIVING!**

 **[a/n]** Don't know if this is a canon event, but I read about it once.

 **Harry Does Different ZzzzZZy**

I See No Difference

"Malfoy hexed Hermione!" shouted Ron as his friend clutched at her face.

The spell effect faded and the young witch looked up, her front four teeth were excessively long, almost down to her chin. Much of the Potions class, even Gryffindors, laughed. The Slytherins were merciless.

"Not so bad." Susan Bones comforted her "Come on, I'll help you to Madam Pomfrey."

The Slytherin professor fired a spell that closed the classroom door "You will do nothing of the kind Bones. I did NOT excuse you from my class."

"GO Hermione." Ordered Harry in a tone that was inexorable but compassionate. He ran to the door, forced it open and blocked it bodily from shutting.

Now Snape got physical, sweeping down the aisle, pushing Harry and Susan aside, and turning Hermione's face up for examination. He sneered at what was truly a grievous disfigurement "I See No Difference. Sit down Granger."

"Stuff yourself, Snivilus!" growled Harry, angry at being pushed he punched the teacher catching him dead center. He was sprayed in blood.

Snape stumbled away clutching his face. Daphne Greengrass responded rapidly and _episkyd_ him apologizing "Sorry sir, I could only stop the bleeding. I think it's broken. It's got a lump." In fact she was underreporting the matter considerably.

"One of you! A mirror! At once!" he commanded harshly. Pansy Parkinson was swift to comply with a handheld one from her bag. Inspecting himself he snarled "Thirty points to Slytherin, Miss Parkinson. Class is dismissed. Potter report to the Headmaster. You will be expelled for what you did to my nose."

The center of attention, and he knew it, Harry unapologetically declared "I See No Difference. You've always had an oversized nose to go with your greaseball hair."

Abcij

"In all of my years as a Professor, I have never before been called out of class because a student has assaulted a Professor!" the Head of Gryffindor could hardly speak coherently "And for it to be one of my Lions. What have you to say for yourself?"

There was no one else in the office for Harry to look to "Malfoy hexed Hermione, Snape insulted her - **I wasn't finished** -Susan Bones was trying to help her, and he PUSHED me. And I'm past fed up listening to Snape and his _Your father was exceedingly arrogant_!"

"There was a certain animosity between your father and young Professor Snape." McGonagall pointed out reasonably.

Harry frowned and snapped "Do I look like… ok I do… but how is that MY problem? Seriously, let's say…I dunno…2020 you're Headmistress and have a certain messy-haired DADA Professor. Every other day he gives detention or takes points from Slytherin. What're you gonna tell Draco Malfoy Jr?" **shiver**

"I will not discuss hypotheticals with you Mr. Potter. Hogwarts cannot have students assaulting Professors. Headmaster Dumbledore is assuming this affair. For the meantime, you may continue to attend class … except Potions, where you will continue to be responsible for theoretical. All other privileges, including Quidditch, are suspended until further notice. You may go." She lectured.

He began "Professor, i-"

"You may go, Potter." She said with steel and looked down at a paper on her desk.


	174. Chapter 174:Forbidden

**[a/n]** So yes I did say I was converting to Roman numerals. That is so true! Just had to wrap up this last trip thru the Zs, and these are the last pre-crash ideas.

 **[a/n1]** Character death warning!

 **Harry Does Different ZzzzZZz**

Forbidden 

"You'll be serving detention with Hagrid tonight." The unsavory squib caretaker gave the trio of Gryffindors a broken-toothed grin "You're going into the Dark Forest."

The huge keys-keeper stood above everyone, holding a crossbow "Something's been killing unicorns and it'll be our job to search it out." He explained

"We can't go in there—" began Draco fearfully

ARRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

The blonde Slytherin then all but cried "There's werewolves out there!"

"Ohhhhhhhhh! There's faaaaaaaar more than that." Filch cackled with sinister glee "You may go in. You may not come out."

Hagrid hefted his crossbow and announced "Ron, Hermione you'll come with me. Harry you'll go with Mafloy."

"Fine! Then I get Fang." Declared Draco.

To this, the giant agreed readily "Course. Just so ya know, he's a bloody coward."

"I'm not going with Malfoy. That first night Professor Dumbledore called it the _Forbidden_ Forest. It must be that for a reason, right? So, sorry, no. Maybe I can write lines or polish trophies." Harry started for the castle.

Immediately cutting him off was Hermione, both physically and verbally "Harry! No way! You can't refuse a detention! It's …well…rude at least. We could get in trouble."

"Weren't you there when Dumbledore called told the whole school FOR—BID—DEN?" he argued forcefully "No offence, Hagrid, but if I have to choose I'll obey the Headmaster over the Groundskeeper." He circled around the young witch and made his way to Gryffindor Tower.

Abcij

A pale and sick looking Ron Weasley was in the First Year dorm failing to deal with the emotions of what he'd seen. He stumbled his way to his best friend's four-poster "Harry ya gotta get up! Is jes awful! She's dead!"

"Huh? Wha?" The-Boy-Who-Lived fought his way up from deep sleep and groped for his glasses and rubbed cake from his eyes "Ron? What're you on about?"

The redhead sobbed "All the times for her to be wrong about rules!"

"Hermione dead?" all sleep was burned away "How?! Ron! How?"

Punctuated by sobs and pounding the bed "Hagrid sent her with Malfoy one way … me and him th'other … we heard a scream and went after it. Bloody coward left her to face it herself! Saved hisown bloody arse. Hate bloody Malfoy! Anyway there was this this THING drinking from a unicorn and she was jus lyin there not moving. Hagrid shot at it but missed. And it flew away. Never touched a dead person afore. Never forget it either."

"That's awful." He pounded his crying friend's back "It should've been me there."

Ron countered "No mate, you were right. Stupid place. How many kindsa idiots they gotta be? We barely got down wand movements! And Hermione was the best of us all."

"She's really dead?" asked Harry, unable to wrap his mind around it. "My God she didn't deserve it."

Ron shook his head "Come on. McGonagall sent me up here to both tell you and bring you along. Didn't think I'd _actually_ cry."

"You didn't mate." Harry squeezed his shoulder.

Abcij

The Headmaster's office was most intimidating to any First Year, particularly when it was full of adults and among them the parents of your dead friend. The centenarian wizard offered a twinkly gaze and said "We do already have most of what we need as regards this unfortunate affair. Mr. Weasley insisted your perspective has relevance. I, as well as Professor McGonagall, am highly concerned about your actions and motivations. Please explain your point of view."

"Yessir." Snapped Harry, recognizing that as an order not a request "First, Mr. and Mrs. Granger, I'm so sorry. Ever since the troll incident it's been the three of us."

The grieving parents looked at each other, decidedly displeased and her mother instructed "Maybe we'll address a past incident later. What was your involvement in our daughter's death?"

"None really, and for that I'm sorry." Harry was only sad "Maybe if I was there."

Ron frowned "Didn't we just say she was the best? Hagrid was there. If … it woulda been you dead."

"I suppose." Harry gave a dejected shrug "Anyway, before we ate, right after Sorting Professor Dumbledore said Don't go near the third floor left side unless you want a horrible death and the Forbidden Forest is …well… forbidden. Hermione said we can't refuse a detention, I pointed out going there broke Professor Dumbledore's rule and came back here … well, to Gryffindor Tower."

This time it was Mr. Granger who glared accusingly "Exactly WHY …Headmaster… was something deadly in a school full of children. And surely ANYONE with a brain knows better than to FORBID children indulging curiosity."

"Here now! I'll na ha' anyone insulting Fessor Dumbledore!" bellowed Hagrid in high dudgeon for his hero.

Mrs. Granger, who didn't exactly tower over Ron or Harry, got between her husband and the looming giant snarling "And where were you mister? While my daughter was dying? While I think the old man has something to answer for I am very much interested in YOUR whereabouts. Exactly WHAT was more important than a little girl's life?"

"Now Michelle, Hagrid has my full conf—" began Dumbledore.

Every Magical was stunned that she interrupted him "And since when, _Headmaster_ , are we on a first name basis? I am asking a grown…or rather OVERgrown…man to account for his actions. Is he unable to speak for himself?...Well? We're waiting! You had a lot to say a minute ago!"

"Quite, Mrs. Granger, questions that… in one form or another… have been around since before I was born." A man with long blonde hair entered, followed by Draco "Forgive me for being late. My son was filling me in on this evening's events. Lucius Malfoy. Please accept my heartfelt condolences. We … meaning Hogwarts' Board of Governors … of which I am a member, plan to consider drastic reforms here. Hogwarts will discuss reparations and I personally guarantee …err, to put it delicately…final expenses."

Even if they hadn't heard the introduction, Ron and Harry would have just KNOWN. After hearing their nemesis insult their friend endlessly both boys were disgusted and shared a look that said as much, but what could they do?

"That is an acceptable starting point, Mr. Malfoy." Hermione's father shook the man's hand "And you can count on our testimony if it is helpful. The current staff here leaves much to be desired. Certain death around a corner? Nighttime detentions chasing poachers? What kind of _school_ is this?"

The Pureblood supremacist gave an appropriately sorrowful nod and grimly shook the Muggles' hands. "I will not impose upon your mourning." He promised "Let us just conclude with Draco's statement, he was the last to see Miss Granger."

"Yes Father." Said the younger Malfoy "I didn't know why, but I heard Potter and his friends were planning to break curfew. My intent was to just confirm this then report immediately to Professor Snape. Unfortunately, Professor McGonagall saw me, declared me out of bounds as well and punished me along with the Gryffindors. The servant said we were to find what's killing unicorns, took Weasley off in one direction and told me to lead the other with a mutt hoe himself said was useless."

Hagrid interrupted "Now hey there!"

"Daddy!" squealed Draco, hiding behind Lucius, but smirking at Ron. Upon emerging from cowering resumed "Anyway Hermione and I came upon a horrific sight. Some kind of creature! It wasn't human…quite…had vampire fangs! And was dripping silver blood when it looked at us. I yelled for Hermione to run and fled myself. I figured she was right behind me. Mr. Granger? Maybe if I'd looked back? Mr. Hagrid did put me in charge?"

Hermione's father gave an angry glare, not to the blonde boy, but to the giant "No Draco this was not your fault. We don't expect a boy to fight a monster. None of you should have been sent on such a mission. In our world, detention is meant to impart the value of obedience, what did it get these three boys? Death. Well I hope you and your headmaster are proud of yourselves. And Professor McGonagall, I am sure my wife remembers…as I do…Hogwarts is the safest place in all the world. Your words."

"Mr. Granger I really do not think it appropriate for you to criticize the senior administrators of this school." Mrs. Weasley complained.

Ian Granger regarded her coldly "Madam, I am exceedingly gratified _you_ still have _your_ son. Kindly do not tell me how to address my daughter's death. Mr. Malfoy? My wife and I will assist in your investigation…at an appropriate time. Michelle and I are not so blinded by grief to not want to help prevent another incident."

"Neither of us can pretend to know about a whole world we were introduced to hardly a year ago." Said Hermione's mother with a choked up voice "But there are considerable penalties for negligence and incompetence, particularly when a child's death is the result. Ian, let's go."

Abcij

The Great Hall was black, everyone was dressed in black, the Gryffindor banners that hung from the ceiling were black, the mood of every mourner was …well…black. There were several speeches by numerous dignitaries with the Headmaster wrapping up "-one of our most promising new students. We are all deeply saddened by your loss. Any of Miss Granger's friends are more than welcome to offer a private word to her grieving parents. This service is concluded."

"Justin, Susan, thanks." Harry was shaking hands with a pair of Hufflepuffs. The 42nd & 43rd he thought impatiently behind a friendly smile.

Draco Malfoy extended a hand to Ron and when the pair gripped, Draco smiling pleasantly "Scratch one Mudblood, eh Weasley?"

"RWARRRRRRR!" Ron incoherently attacked the blonde Slytherin, utterly forgetting his wand.

Harry wasn't as close as he would have liked. He asked of no one in particular "Mudblood?"

"Think kaffir." It was Dean Thomas who provided the quick translation.

Not even Professor McGonagall's shrieked commands were enough to end the assault.


	175. Chapter 175:Exceedingly Arrogant

**[a/n]** Seriously ffn? Do we need files to have a 1 year life? I was more than fine with 90 days.

 **Harry Does Different CLXXV**

Exceedingly Arrogant

Severus Snape was subbing in his old classroom for his old professor, and currently glaring down over his third or possibly fourth favorite target "Tell me, boy, does anything penetrate that thick skull of yours? Didn't you hear me say, quite clearly-"

"S-s-sorry p-p-p-rofessor!" stuttered Neville Longbottom.

Draco Malfoy snickered into Pansy Parkinson's shoulder.

"Qww-ietttt!" Severus made a show of not exactly disciplining his favorite student. "Do not interrupt me Mr. Longbottom."

It had been building, this resentment Harry felt toward the now former Head of Slytherin, for a long time "You know, you gave that same speech a couple years ago. Don't have any new material?"

"Silence Potter. Five points from Gryffindor." Snape ruled.

Harry shrugged off a poke in the ribs from Hermione and retorted "Sure, I lose points and Malfoy gets off scotfree. What else is new?"

"So like your father, Potter. Exceedingly arrogant." This time the professor made no effort to stop the ripples of amusement from Slytherins.

Harry clutched the slicing knife in his hand, looking angry, Hermione's cautioning look only serving to feed his anger. But it was Ron's expression that somehow inspired a retort "Maybe my Dad had something to BE arrogant about. Chaser on two championship teams. 76 and 77. Don't see Severus Snape on any trophies. Hehe! Or Draco Malfoy." He gave his archrival a mocking salute.

"I could beat you anytime, Potter!" the Slytherin snarled.

Harry laughed "Not once since Second Year, Draco. But don't give up hope."

"Professor!" whined Malfoy.

Snape ignored him "Some people, Potter, value academic achievement over sports."

"Ahh, that's why there's a shrine in Slytherin's Common Room to the 1983-1990 Quidditch Team. No Potter in Hogwarts then." Harry observed, he wasn't at all angry now. He was enjoying himself.

ALL the Slytherins openly gaped at him "When were you there? How, Potter?" they demanded, in one turn of phrase or another.

"I'll never tell." Harry retorted, giving Ron a cautioning look "Never know when I might need to again. Now, to your point, Professor, true there are other things. A Slytherin was awarded for special services to the school back in 1944. Guy by the name of Riddle. What? Only Ron had to polish trophies? Ahh well, don't matter, besides he has a more well-known alias Vol-"

Snape boomed "DO NOT USE THAT NAME POTTER!"

"-demort" Harry concluded as if uninterrupted.

Snape gave a hateful glare "A month's detention and a hundred points from Gryffindor for using that forbidden name."

"No." was his monosyllabic response "Go ahead, though, a million points from Gryffindor."

It only took seconds for everyone to realize he was packing his books. Snape sneered "Leaving Potter? An arrogant coward like your father." Again, he did nothing to suppress the giggling that elicited.

"My father was one of the bravest men to ever come out of this school." Harry declared "Like Neville's parents and Ron's uncles. He stood between a stinking murderer and his mudblood wife and their son. He died fighting! What did you do? Or your Daddy? Got on their knees and sucked Voldie's ass."

Draco's wand came out in a hurry "My father will KILL you Potter!" Then he was blasted out of his seat and into a classroom wall. He slumped down, dazed.

"He already tried. Dobby kicked his ass." Harry said, coolly, grinning at his performance "Three million points to Gryffindor, Potter, excellent use of the Disarming Charm. Why thank you Professor Flitwick. And, to honor Sirius, buh-bye Snivilus."

There was nothing but fearful silence accompanying Harry into the hallway.


	176. Chapter 176:Rejected Twin

**[a/n]** My take on the Twin genre

 **Harry Does Different CLXXVII**

Rejected Twin

Everyone knows the story of The-Boy-Who-Lived. Charlus Winston Potter had been cursed by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. In his rush to slay his potential enemy, Lord Voldemort merely defeated the parents. James and Lily Potter while alive, were utterly unable to interfere as their twins were attacked. It was unclear exactly WHY the murderous assault failed, but it did. What wasn't public knowledge was that the Potters were a family of four, not three.

The public story was that the three Potters were fearful of retribution from Death Eaters. They fled the UK for parts unknown under assumed identities. With them went enough of the Potter wealth to establish the exiles in the upper middle class of Toronto, Ontario, Canada.

Albus Dumbledore added a layer of deception to the secret, recommending the Potters be declared dead in the Muggle world and one of the twins placed with Lily's sister. Vernon and Petunia Dursley would likewise be lied to, given money to properly care for the boy and told of his future attendance at Hogwarts. Nothing else. Although the Dursleys were unaware of the term, they used their 'orphaned' nephew like a House Elf.

Harry Potter arrived at the gates of Hogwarts a confused young wizard. Mistaken for some bloke called Charlus, repeatedly. Thanks to a Pureblood wizard Ron Weasley who grew up with a sister who had a crush [and thus all the books] on The-Boy-Who-Lived. And a Muggleborn witch Hermione Granger who had a solid 11 months to read whatever she could before riding The Express. He now knew some version of the life Magicals thought he lived, but not why. That wasn't the end of his surprises, that happened right after "Zabini, Blaise" "SLYTHERIN!"

"We are privileged to be able to end a …well… coverup is the only word." Announced Headmaster Dumbledore in grand fashion "A decade has passed since Lord Voldemort's fall and for their protection the Potters were hidden, under assumed names in the Colonies. Harry Potter, I would like to reintroduce you to your family. James, Lily, Charlie as he likes to be called, and twins Violet and Azalea."

Everybody in the Great Hall looked at the family, noting the boys looked similar but hardly identical. The girls looked like they'd come from a copy machine, while Charlus was above average in height and strong looking Harry was substantially below average in both height and weight. What was said between the reunited family went unheard, people watched the young girls back away from the boy they'd clearly wanted to hug: The fitter boy glare at the smaller one: The mother's hands flash to her throat, clearly in shock: The father clutch his shin in pain after being kicked in it by his now fleeing son.

"It's been so long! Can I hug you Harry?" cried Lily Potter as the boy approached hesitantly.

Harry gave a longing look that suddenly turned to loathing "Petunia called you a two-pound freak whore. And YOU a layabout drunk whose driving got them landed with me! I hate you! I HATE YOU ALL!" Harry lashed out catching James with a kick, shoved his way between his sisters and ran blindly through the castle.

Abcij

"I am sure that this can be smoothed over with little trouble, James, Lily. Ahh, I take it Professor McGonagall has retrieved our wayward Potter." Headmaster Dumbledore was soothing the shocked parents "Come on in Harry and we'll discuss your outburst. After which, Professor McGonagall will make sure you get a bite to eat."

Harry's body language screamed of repressed rage "All my life I'm told they're dead. Now they come walking in with THEIR happy family! Vernon and Petunia were right about you!"

"We're your family too Harry." Lily assured him, starting to reach out.

The boy all but jumped toward the office door and snapped "Don't touch me EVER!"

"Yeah, they taught me all about _family_." Sneered Harry "Most people call it slavery. Cook breakfast Potter, wash the BMW Potter, mow the lawn Potter do Dudley's homework Potter. How dare you get better grades than Duddykins?"

James flushed angrily "I paid them a small fortune to make sure you were cared for properly."

"Liar!" Harry all but literally spat the accusation "All they ever told me was how I'm such a burden on them, well ever since you died. Well gee, THAT'S a lie huh?"

Lily scolded "You'll not take that tone with your father, young man."

"Or what? One of you got a belt like Vernon?" sneered Harry, scared of just such a punishment but not caring.

The parents looked appalled, were struck momentarily speechless. The Headmaster scoffed a bit "Come, my boy, surely you exaggerate."

"You knew!" he shouted accusingly and flung himself across the desk. Unfortunately for Harry, he hadn't especially noticed and certainly not known the significance of Fawkes. The remarkable bird reacted to protect his human throwing up a shield the boy rebounded off of. Such a thing gave no consideration to the wellbeing of the attacker.

Abcij

Poppy Pomfrey was enormously pleased to see students she'd nursed through four of their years at Hogwarts "James Lily I honestly NEVER thought anyone would beat your records for being hospitalized. However lead it to your flesh and blood to accomplish it. I don't even know where to begin, a dislocated shoulder at four, scars on his back and legs broken bo—"

"Ooohhhh!" Harry fought his way to consciousness "Feel likely Dudley stepped on me aga - What happened? What're they doing here?"

Introducing herself "I am Madam Pomfrey, school Mediwitch. I was discussing your injuries with your parents. You broke sev -"

"Beg pardon Madam" Harry interrupted quite politely but with a baleful glare at his parents "on telly I learned of something about doctors having to keep patient secrets. Is-" he suffered a weak coughing fit "-that something you follow?"

Uncertain what she was in the middle of she nodded "There are some technical differences between Magicals and Muggles, but yes, I adhere to patient confidentiality."

"Then I don't want you talking about me with Mr. or Mrs. Potter or ANY member of THEIR family." Harry gritted out against considerable discomfort.

Lily choked back a sob, then sobbed anyway "Oh Harry! You are our son!"

"You got one you two-pound whore!" the insult had been repeated so often in #4 the boy had no problem repeating it. Then in frustration "Why can't I move?! No wait! Don't answer til they leave!"

Madam Pomfrey hesitated then relented "James Lily, it might be best for now." And when they were alone "Exactly what happened between you and your parents is not my business as a medical professional, Mr. Potter, that said I don't know how long you expect to shut them out."

"As long as they shut me out." Snarled Harry.

She finally sighed "I shant mince words and maybe you need the shock. Whatever you did broke your neck young man. And in the Muggle world it might be years …if ever… before you walk again. Now, if you do as your Healer instructs, you'll be out in three days. Drink!"

"Yuck!" Harry gagged when he obeyed.

She retorted "Well wha'd you expect? Pumpkin juice?!"


	177. Chapter 177:Battle of Little Hangleton

**[a/n]** Why didn't the Marauders' Map get a bit more use?

 **Harry Does Different CLXXVII**

Battle of Little Hangleton

Ron Weasley and Seamus Finnegan were laughing their way through the courtyard. Harry Potter had quite enough of it too he marched up to his former friend and declared "You're a right foul git! You know that?"

"You think so?" the redhead sneered.

The bespectacled wizard sneered back "I know so."

"Anything else to say Potter?" demanded the Irish boy.

Somewhat put off Harry retorted "Yeah! Stay away from me!" and pushed between the pair and stormed through the Gryffindor Common Room up to his dorm. Throwing himself on his bed, he punched his pillow a few times and growled incoherently. Then for lack of anything to do, pulled out his Marauders' Map and idly traced through it. He hummed a tune for a bit then abruptly stopped "Who is this in DADA? Barty Crouch _JUNIOR_?"

Abcij

The Death Eater stood over the imprisoned Auror with a mocking expression "And I've got Potter eating out of my hand. Little Longbottom will drop the gillyweed clue at the proper moment."

" _EXPELLIARMUS_!" Harry simultaneously flung the office door open and fired. He'd heard every word. He ran up to the fallen 'professor' tied his hands and feet, slammed his head on the floor ensuring unconsciousness, then opened his map. He walked over and looked into the multi-compartmented trunk "Alastor Moody I presume? Guess your vigilance was a bit less than constant."

The bound, helpless and half-bald Auror snarled "Get me outta this box boy!"

"And what do you plan to do?" asked Harry, casually "Assuming I do, of course?"

He struggled and snapped "I was thinking of _Avada_ ing an Azkaban escapee. Now! Get me outta this box boy!"

" _Mobilcorpus_." Harry hit him with the spell and let him thump on the floor "Now, before cutting you loose I was thinking of using a different Unforgivable. I overheard Barty there blabbing away about his plan. Voldemort talked too much too. I assume he's told you the rest?"

Moody stopped struggling and nodded "That he has. Dark Wizards can't seem to shut up. What do you suggest Potter?"

"Excellent!" the teen fired a slashing hex that freed the Auror's wrists "If he's one of Voldie's usual crowd it'll be some grand scheme to kill me at the end of the year. This time they get it in front of the whole Wizarding World."

Moody rubbed his wrists, untied his ankles and stood, chuckled darkly "I felt like James Bond every time he opened that lid." Then went on to tell a rapt audience of one every phase and aspect of the resurrection scheme.

"Right. Lots to do but plenty of time to do it. I suppose it's best to let the thing go all the way to the climax." Said Harry, scratching his chin "Professor Moody over there showed us _Imperio_. I was pretty good at shaking it off. Do you think you can hold it on him? And for how long? And how far?"

Looking impressed the true Mad-Eye nodded "I'd like to test that, but for now what's your plan?"

"Haven't known about Junior there for very long, but let's see. You'll get some pleasure …I take it… in leaving HIM in that box the rest of the year." Harry was mischievously malicious and he received a welcoming nod "Well, milk him for every last iota of detail about it. Then …well don't know yet… figure a way to sabotage the final-whatever ritual it is."

The Auror nodded "We can plan in greater detail as we go. I'll have a chat with Albus."

"I wouldn't tell him anything important." Cautioned Harry "I'm not entirely sure he doesn't know more about this plot than he's let on."

Mad-Eye chuckled "That tie should be green and silver."

"Might've been if not for Draco Malfoy." Harry noted wryly. Then "So you'll tell me whatever you learn?"

Nodding, the Auror offered "And how? In great detail?"

"I already burned a man to death at eleven." Harry pointed out and left the room.

Abcij

The scheme developed between the conspirators after sucking the Death Eater dry was as ruthless as it was subtle. To all appearance spectators at every event saw a nervous Harry Potter somehow come out on top twice. The third event was no different, except for Harry giving an unpleasant look to the Headmaster.

But not a spectator noted it. What they did notice was the ruthless way in which the youngest Champion cut down each of his opponents when he encountered them in The Maze. Fleur Delacour wrapped up in grappling hedges spelled to act like Devil's Snare. Cedric Diggory and Viktor Krum were tussling so he simply stunned them both and went unopposed and unerringly for the TriWizard Cup. Then disappeared. No one particularly paid attention to Professor Moody vanishing.

"Reports of my disappearance have been greatly exaggerated." Harry Potter revealed himself in dramatic fashion, some ten minutes later, by Transfiguring himself back to human form from a bench and chuckling at a pair of fallen girls "Sorry there, Daphne and Susan. Enjoyed myself though. Anyway! At this moment Professor Moody is leading the Auror Corps against Voldemort's attempt to regain power. I will now happily take questions."

Abcij

"Hurry Wormtail I am anxious to have a body again." The high-pitched voice commanded.

Peter Pettigrew went through all the steps correctly, binding the Potter boy to the statue and slicing his arm open "Bone of the father, unknowingly given, you will renew your son. Flesh of the servant, willingly given, you will revive your master. Blood of the enemy, forcibly taken, you will resurrect your foe." He howled in pain as his hand plopped into the potion followed by the knife stained with blood.

"Robe me Wormtail." Lord Voldemort rose from the cauldron finding his body good "We will see how many of my followers return."

Only to be interrupted by gravely laughter "Funny thing about spells and incantations, _my lord_."

"What are you doing here Barty?" demanded the Dark Lord "Your assignment was to now slay that muggle loving fool."

Mad-Eye chuckled "Oh I'm not your slave my lord. That's Crouch." He pointed at Harry Potter "And, if I'm not off, the Polyjuice should be ending soon. And there's no need to continue my _Imperio_. _Finite_!"

"Master! Flee! I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough!" came out of Harry's mouth. Then his whole form bubbled and changed. Barty Crouch Jr. was struggling against the bronze statue.

Voldemort gaped, but just for a moment "Wormtail! My wand! _Crucio_!" Then he clutched his chest.

"Feeling tired my lord?" Mad-Eye taunted as he shook off the torture curse with minimal effect.

" _Expelliarmus_!" came from an entirely different direction. The wand flew unerringly into the hand of: Amelia Bones fired an " _Avada Kedavra_!" catching the Dark Lord square in the back.

Mad-Eye fired a stunner at Pettigrew, knowing that Harry would be rather pleased at being able to clear his Godfather. Five more utterly trustworthy Aurors joined their leaders and five minutes later, most of the senior Death Eaters were disarmed and stunned for portkey to holding cells. When it was finished he saluted her "Madam Bones, a pleasure doing business with you."

"Well done, all of you." The Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement told her troops "I'll see Orders of Merlin all round."


	178. Chapter 178:My Key

[a/n]A request from Vixen Uchiha Harry's first time in Gringotts. Would you have him asking why Hagrid has his key? What else would you have him question.

 **Harry Does Different CLXXVIII**

My Key

"Gringotts, the wizard bank! Ain't no safer place. Not one. Except perhaps Hogwarts." —Rubeus Hagrid opinion of Gringotts

Harry was deeply impressed by imposing snow-white multistoried marble building that dominated Diagon Alley and more than mildly intimidated by the greeting on the massive front door _Enter, stranger, but take heed Of what awaits the sin of greed For those who take, but do not earn, Must pay most dearly in their turn. So if you seek beneath our floors A treasure that was never yours, Thief, you have been warned, beware Of finding more than treasure there_. He gulped nervously as he passed through a set of silver doors, wondering idly if they actually were made of that precious metal. He looked around the richly appointed room and commented on the strange creatures behind the desks "Uhm…Hagrid …err.. what are they?"

"Goblins Harry. Not the friendliest of beasts." The giant answered "Don't wanna go crossing them. Nosir!"

A goblin with scraggly white hair looked up and bellowed "NEXT!" The witch in front of Hagrid and Harry stepped forward. After a few minutes, the same goblin called "NEXT!"

"Mr. Harry Potter wants to access his vault!" announced Hagrid, rather too loudly for client confidentiality.

The goblin frowned, shifting an unpleasant look from bearded man to small boy "And does Mr. Harry Potter have his key?"

"Ah. Fessor Dumbledore gave it to me." The huge man answered jovially as he fished around his heavy coat "Got it 'ere somere. Ahh!" and produced a small gold key with a big smile.

Harry was prepared to answer that "No and please replace it for me." Instead he just held his peace until they were away from Hagrid. After what most wizards and witches have complained about he panted "That was wicked sir!"

"I find you an odd sort, young Potter." The goblin commented as he climbed from the rail car "Lamp please. Key please."

Harry complied and joined the goblin beside the vault "What do you mean sir?"

"That would be a starting point." The goblin began "Wizards, as a rule, find us beneath contempt. Let me also ask you, the ride here, you enjoyed?"

Covering the goblin's comment first Harry answered "Seems stupid if you're guarding our money. And yeah, but could it go any faster?"

"Most cry like hatchlings at #3. We tell them one gear only." Again the goblin was reevaluating the young wizard "Only Quidditch players enjoy themselves. It goes to #10, boy."

Harry's expression was part frown part grin "Name's Harry, I don't like that _boy_. Reminds me of my uncle."

"Noted. Address me as Griphook. Now time is money. Take what you will." Said the goblin, gesturing at the pile of coins.

For a full half minute the Boy-Who-Was-A-Burden gaped at the rows of stacks of riches. He scratched at his chin then asked "Griphook? I wouldn't want to take too much, but then I don't want to waste time coming back for more. Can you recommend an amount?"

"Despite getting to ride the rails again?" quipped Griphook with a rather intimidating smile "I actually find that thoughtful…for a human. I would say GG200 will cover your school needs and a trifle extra."

Harry scooped the recommended amount into his bag, then took ten more and passed them to the goblin saying "I thank you for your assistance, sir. Now just one other question, please. Why would the Headmaster of Hogwarts have the key to my vault?"

"That is not a question I can answer." The goblin showed no emotion.

To Harry, whose life depended sometimes on reading people, the answer said plenty "Then please take me to the appropriate goblin."

Abcij

"I understand you questioned how your account is handled. Are you dissatisfied with Gringotts, Mr. Potter?" a more richly dressed goblin asked once the door of his well-decorated office closed.

The young wizard didn't know what could have brought about such irritation, he just went on with his concerns "I am - err- that is today is my first day dealing with this. I didn't know Gringotts existed so I didn't know I had an account. Now that I do, I want to know all about it. How much is there? How is it invested? How much interest do I earn in a year? Though, my first question came from Hagrid…the man who brought me. I wanted to know why Headmaster Dumbledore had access to my account."

"A summary I can have prepared before you leave." He promised "Including all deposits and withdrawals for the last year. As for your Headmaster, he was appointed Magical Guardian by your Wizengamot."

Harry frowned at the unfamiliar term "What's a wiz..err…gamod?"

"Your judiciary and legislature. Ask the bookstore for something on it." The goblin was helpful but not overly so "And a Magical Guardian is … where it pertains to Gringotts … responsible for an orphaned child's finances until he or she can manage the account."

This, Harry absorbed and he nodded intelligently "I'll look at what you give me, sir. Would it be you I contact if I have questions about what I read?"

"Indeed. I am Ragnok. Does this conclude our business for now?" he wasn't exactly dismissing the young wizard, but he did push a substantial scroll across the desk and a look that, in a human, would be a sneer.

Harry interpreted it as such "Right. Thank you then. Time is money, or so I hear."

"That it is." Ragnok all but gasped at a wizard quoting goblin commandments "May your enemies wealth fill your vaults."

Harry didn't have any enemies who were especially wealthy, just Dudley and his gang of bullies. But he could see the justice of getting money from them; he didn't know a proper reply so he merely nodded "Thank you and you."

Abcij

"There's our young man!" boomed Hagrid the instant he recognized his charge "I was starting to worry! And whats all this then? Eh?"

Griphook took a dislike to that "Are you disparaging our ability to protect a valued depositor?"

"Sorry Mr. Hagrid." Answered Harry "Didn't mean to keep you waiting. This? Nothing special, just some stuff to read. Don't worry, they've been great. I'm ready to go shopping if you're done." Into Diagon Alley he took not just a bank statement, which he would find raises several questions, but a list of ideas from the goblins. Flourish and Blotts would do quite a bit more than typical First-Year volume from the typical First-Year. Unusually, archived Daily Prophets from late 1981 and early 1982.

Abcij

Harry was enjoying himself in getting to know his new friend. Chocolate Frogs were a fascinating confection. About then, the door burst open. "I'm Malfoy. Draco Malfoy. This is Crabbe and Goyle. You'll soon learn, Potter, that some Wizarding families are better than others. I can help you there." He turned an angry expression at the snort from Ron "Think my name's funny do you? No need to ask yours. Red hair, hand-me-down clothes. You must be a _Weasley_."

"I've done nothing but read about wizards since I knew nothing about us a month ago." Harry stood and shook the blonde boy's outstretched hand "For example, I know Lucius Malfoy … your father I believe … spent time in Azkaban for supporting Voldemort. The man who murdered my parents and ordered Ron's uncle's murders. Now, there's no reason to carry that on another generation? Is there? Crabbe…Goyle nice to meet you both too." And he shook the other boys' hands as well.

The redhead was horrified as the trio departed "You can't be friends with HIM! He's sure a Slytherin. Not a witch or wizard who went bad wasn't in Slytherin."

"Sirius Black, do you know who he is?" Harry sat back down, incidentally without closing the door.

Ron's flinch was almost as fearsome as the one that went unnoticed moments earlier "You-Know-Who's righthand man! He's in Azkaban for selling out your parents!"

"Right in one." Acknowledged Harry with a nod "I read about him, he went to Hogwarts with my Mum and Dad. Evil as they come, right? What House was he in?"

Ron gave a negligent shrug "Slytherin, of course."

"No. Gryffindor." Answered Harry "I read the Daily Prophet article of when they caught him. Couldn't find anything on the trial yet. Still got a lot to read."

Ron slumped in his seat and grumbled "Only thing I wanna read is about Cannons winning."

"Holy cricket! You're Harry Potter!" a bushy-haired girl exclaimed, saving Harry from even asking about Ron's fanaticism "Did you mention reading? I read all about you. I'm Hermione Granger… and you are?"

Swallowing a chocolate frog, the redhead boy gulped "Ron Weasley."

"Nice to meet you Hermione." Said Harry, politely, while choking down a laugh at the other boy "If you've read some of the books I've seen you'll probably be disappointed in meeting the real me. I'm just Harry. I certainly don't live in a fairytale castle like one guy said."

Hermione looked at the boy she'd read about uncomfortably. After all, Harry Potter would certainly know more about Harry Potter's life than anyone. But he was calling into question the authoritative books she'd read. With visible effort, the bookish girl decided "Well, it's nice to meet you too. How about we pretend I never picked up a Boy-Who-Lived book?"

"I like that idea." Harry gave a pleased smile "Join us?"

Abcij

It was well into the term, actually the first Christmas decorations were beginning to appear when Harry was ready to drop his bomb. He'd only hinted at the issue with his best friends. Ron was too sensitive about money and Hermione was a little too rule-bound for this. He'd tell them after the fact. So during a study hall he approached his Head "Professor McGonagall? Would you please arrange an appointment for me with Professor Dumbledore? And please attend yourself?"

"And what is this regarding?" she asked in surprise "First Years don't usually meet the Headmaster one on one. What is this in reference to?"

Harry wasn't surprised by the question, but neither was he quite willing to have a public discussion on the matter "Well, some of it's school related, but I mostly want to talk about November 1 1981."

"That is a topic that Professor Binns does not cover." The Deputy Headmistress tensed, thus drawing some attention.

The student noted the heads turning "But of interest to me. Please tell him I'd like to meet as soon as possible." And he walked back to his seat.

"Bloody hell Harry! I never seen McGonagall look like that!" exclaimed Ron.

He slid into his seat and handed Hermione an envelope "They told me, at Gringotts, there are memory spells. If I don't ask about this every day right before dinner for the next week, open it and do what it says. Will you do that? And not open it before next Monday?"

"You're being awful mysterious, Harry?" she resisted, but finally nodded "Alright."

He sighed "Thank you. I'll explain then. I promise."

Abcij

"Ahh…Harry do come in." said Dumbledore affably enough "I do trust Professor McGonagall has mentioned the rarity of a First-Year student meeting with the Headmaster."

Harry flopped into a chair, quite uninvited, and retorted "I should think you'd have a closer relationship with your Magical Charge. Can I call you Albus? Or maybe Uncle Albie?"

"Respect Potter!" McGonagall snapped almost reflexively.

Dumbledore held up a hand "Peace Minerva. You are remarkably well informed."

"For someone abandoned on a doorstep. Thanks Albus." Harry finished for him, then went on "It all started with asking Griphook why someone I don't know had a key to MY vault."

Dumbledore steepled his fingers and leaned forward "Harry, it is the job of a Magical Guardian to watch out for a young witch or wizard and-"

"You were going to tell me when? After I graduated?" complained the boy.

McGonagall frowned and scolded "Mr. Potter, proper respect for the Headmaster."

"At the moment I am talking to my Magical Guardian." Argued Harry "And truthfully a rather failed one."

That really soured the mood "How did you come to that conclusion, Mr. Potter. I made careful arrangements with Gringotts to provide a modest annuity for your care."

"Right. Let's jump to the end." Harry snapped and went on with an occasional snarl "That's the first thing I cut off. See, Vernon doesn't need my money when I'm not even there. And I told Ragnok to see what he could do about getting back all the money they never spent on me!"

Dumbledore shook his head, expression turning dark "That, Harry, is something to be decided by a Magical Guardian. And I will be overruling those decisions as they are not in your best interest. Living with your Aunt and Uncle is best for you."

"Ragnok explained to me about adult minors in the wizard world and that I'm too young now." Harry acknowledged "But I also noticed that the Potter family has a pretty big balance there. I simply mentioned I don't really want to make major investment changes … right now, but as Vernon and Petunia haven't spent a farthing on me to date… Well I CAN empty my account at any time after my fifteenth birthday. And, I'll do just that if Gringotts chose not to support me in this."

The Head of Gryffindor looked scandalized "Mr. Potter! That is blackmail!"

"Ragnok was pleased." Harry was not at all abashed "He said well played especially for someone my age."

Dumbledore was pulling his wand "That will not do at all, Harry."

"He told me about memory spells." Harry's appearance of calm was just that, appearance "Plans are already in motion and I have multiple ways to remind me if you somehow make me forget."

McGonagall looked distressed "Mr. Potter! You can't think that of Professor Dumbledore!"

"Why not?" he snapped back "I don't know anything about him. For me, personally, all I can say is he dumped me on Petunia's doorstep unwanted and hated every day I was in HER house."

The Headmaster flinched visibly "Harry there are things in place and you are treading on very dangerous ground. I know you and your relatives don't get al-"

"You KNOW!" the boy was suddenly out of his seat, another piece of the puzzle he'd been corresponding with Gringotts about clicked "YOU BASTARD! No wait, of course you do. That explains the money to that bloody cat lady! Used to think she was actually nice to me. But you were paying her. Or rather I was paying her! Well! It's over. All of it. No more Galleons for either of them."

Dumbledore's expression hardened "That is simply not an option. I will not permit it. You will stay where I dictate."

"I'll stay at a hotel." Harry was intimidated but angry "Saw some nice ones near Kings Crossing. Probably cheaper than what you been stealing for Vernon and Figg."

Now McGonagall was directing an angry look at Dumbledore "I told you, Albus. They were the worst sort of Muggles imaginable."

"What!" for the first time Harry had another focus for his anger "You knew too! Well fuck you both! I'd rather DIE than go near Privet again! You hear me! I'D RATHER DIE! I—" the boy's tantrum was cut off by assorted items on the office wall emitting violent noises and basically dying. Not usually given to cursing but since he already dropped the big one "What the bloody hell was that?"

Affecting a deeply disappointed look Dumbledore scolded "That, Harry, was magical evidence that any bond that protected you and your family is irrevocably destroyed. I once taught a boy named Tom and I watched him make many unfortunate choices. He grew to become Voldemort."

"Well he's dead. Thanks to me, according to Hagrid. Anything else?" the youngster was seething.

Albus sighed wearily "No Harry. I will have alternate arrangements for your care before the summer holidays."

"I choose where I live from now on." He started out the door and so did not see the reaction of the Headmaster when he concluded "Even if it's an orphanage."


	179. Chapter 179:I'm Not an Owl

**Harry Does Different CLXXIX**

I'm Not an Owl

Ron pulled a most unwilling Hermione along through the forest until at a break in the trees, she and the youngest Weasleys came upon Harry "Ronald would like me to tell you that Seamus told Parvati was told by Dean that Hagrid would like to see you."

"Is that right?" Harry's hackles immediately rose. Neville did his best, at the edge of the lake, to fade into the background. Harry looked back with an expression of confusion "Wait. What?"

Hermione exchanged looks with Ron and Ginny. Ran back and whispered with Ron, then growled and came back to Harry "Dean was told by Parvati that-" she broke off and glared back, threw up her arms in exasperation and pleaded "Don't make me repeat it. Hagrid's looking for you."

"Well you tell that g!" if Ron couldn't talk to him, Harry wouldn't either. Nor did he like the glares he was getting from Ginny and Hermione.

But the Gryffindor resident genius was infuriated with both boys "Stuff you Harry Potter! I AM NOT AN OW-WL! Come on Ginny." This caused Neville to slink entirely away from the scene.

"No you're not, Granger!" Harry snapped back, utterly sick of all the abuse "Hedwig's too smart to pass stupid shite like your little weasel's been passing around. She'd crap on my head if I tried."

Hermione stomped her feet, sobbed into her hands and fled. Ginny had to redirect her brother to prevent a physical altercation, she did offer a critique "That wasn't nice Harry."

"You're right." Harry's tone dripped vitriol "I'll apologize to Hedwig first chance I get. Comparing her to Hedwig? Shame on me." He took their unified glares and returned it with his own until everyone went their separate ways.


	180. Chapter 180:Merry Binns

**[a/n0]** Interesting, people coming in on Hermione's side last time. But think about it, wasn't she giving every appearance of siding with Ron?

 **[a/n]** A **MERRY CHRISTMAS** to one and all. I've done Christmas chapters in my stories before, but never did the storyline sync with the Yule Season. 1shots free me from such restrictions and I can actually post a Christmas happening during actual Christmas.

 **Harry Does Different CLXXX**

Merry Binns

"For homework, I want three feet on the subject of Lunglock the Undefeatable and the Rebellion of 1446." The spectral professor said to an immediate chorus of complaining students.

Harry put up a hand and asked "Beg pardon, Professor Binns, there's something I don't understand about the Season. You see, in the Muggle World, we learn about atrocities like the Spanish Inquisition and the Salem Witch Trials where Magicals were tortured, drowned, hung, and burned alive. This was done by Puritans in America and the Catholic Church in Europe. Sir, why do we celebrate Christmas?"

"An interesting question Mr. Kiln." Everyone was used to the ghost not getting their names exactly right "One which Muggles would distinctly look down upon. What is certainly not taught in Muggle history is that Jesus was a wizard. As far as we know, the most powerful ever as well as the first known. Thus, we celebrate His birth."

Muggleborns were enraptured by this piece of history. This was common knowledge among Purebloods who seemed rather bored.

"So His miracles? Turning water to wine and walking on water? As written in the Bible were displays of magic?" this deeply fascinated Harry, then with a mischievous smile added "Bet Vernon and Petunia will LOVE this."

Professor Binns seemed pleased "That is indeed the case Mr. Kiln."

"Well, thank very much sir." Said Harry with enthusiasm "Blimey! This changes my whole view of history!"

Something quite unexpected began happening. The spectral professor became clearer and somehow solider. In addition, he no longer glowed blue, but seemed almost alive. The ghost blinked and suddenly seemed more aware of his surroundings, which proved true when he spoke "Mr. Potter, I have lectured here for 154 years. No student has ever thanked me before. i. thank. You." And with a multicolored burst of light he left this plane of existence.

"Potter killed Professor Binns!" exclaimed Zach Smith from the Hufflepuff side of the classroom.

Hermione rolled her eyes "Don't be ridiculous! You cannot kill a ghost, who is …by definition… dead."

"Well we should tell someone immediately." Susan Bones pointed out.

Ron complained "Come off it Bones, let's just enjoy the rest of the free period."

Abcij

"The brat is a total menace! Headmaster, he must be expelled at once!" the resident Potions Master concluded his verbose and loquacious argument in front of the entire student body in the Great Hall.

Harry was no longer a terrified First Year and, in particular, had grown callouses over abuse from that source "Shovel it, Snape. I still got five more years. At a teacher a year I'm bound to get to you."

"This is a serious matter, Harry." Dumbledore chose to ignore both the comment and the uproar resulting from it "Every ghost specter and poltergeist in the castle has verified that Professor Binns has truly crossed over. Many are fearful, a few wish to seek your help in doing likewise. I must know what you did, and how."

After months of the whole 'Heir of Slytherin' tripe and considering the looks of those same classmates of his Harry gave a semi-evil chortle "It's a gift, like Parseltongue. I just learned how to use it, but you might warn those who really want to stay best keep me happy. RIGHT PEEVES!"

"Yes oh great one! Oh yes!" the snarky poltergeist made a show of groveling before flying off into the ceiling display.

To this Harry only giggled and concluded his statement with "Merry Christmas Cuthbert Binns."


	181. Chapter 181:Thank You Mrs Weasley

**[a/n]** Another Christmas story I was inspired for. Watching PS saddened my heart the way he asks "I've got presents?"

 **[a/n1]** No the number doesn't match the sequence. I have a string of basic titles already for those, but I focused on getting this written as close to Christmas as possible. **HAPPY 2019!**

 **Harry Does Different CLXXXVIII**

Thank You Mrs. Weasley

Hedwig was awake and alert before the Sun came up, as was proper for any self-respecting snowy. Most of the male humans disappeared recently and this was pleasing. Only her human and the redtop remained, most pleasing indeed. The routine of the last couple days was her human would poke the redtop repeatedly, who would groan and roar then the pair would stumble down to eat. Bacon was quite a treat. What surprised Hedwig this day was that the red arose before her human did. What other surprises awaited the day?

"Come on Harry! Wake up!" was just audible to the range of human ears.

Hedwig, on the other claw, heard redtop loud and clear SQUAWK!

This got into Harry's sleep and he stirred, stretched and yawned. He sat up and rubbed gunk from his eyes, tossed off his blankets, stumbled over and stroked the downy feathers of his owl's breast. "Happy Christmas, Hedwig. YAWWWWWWN!"

SQUAWK! This delighted the owl no end.

"Come on Harry! Wake up!" again came from down in the Gryffindor Common Room.

That caught the now-bespectacled boy's attention, who grinned at his first friend and ran off. Looking down he shouted "Harry Christmas Ron!"

"Happy Christmas Harry! Come on! Presents!" the redhead yelled up excitedly.

Harry blinked "I've got presents?"

"Yeah!" exclaimed Ron "Hurry up!"

Harry complied, eagerly. He had two large packages. He tore into the largest, discovering what he came to know as his father's Invisibility Cloak. The other, as his friend predicted, was what in Hogwarts was known as a Weasley Sweater. The term going back to the days of Bill and Charlie. It was wool, blue, and with a capital H woven in red. He pulled it over his head then smoothed it down his torso, most pleased "I'm going to have to thank your mum, Ron."

"Gee, welcome Harry." The redhead's ears pinked.

 _Dear Mrs. Weasley_

 _I just want to let you know how much I appreciate having my own Weasley Sweater. Ron told me how you knit them yourself and it really shows._

 _Happy Christmas_

 _Ps Hedwig is my owl and doesn't need to be paid. She would enjoy some water and she really loves bacon, if it's not too much trouble._

 _Thank you again_

 _Harry Potter_

That summer, aboard the Hogwarts Express, Hermione started putting away her light reading and shooed the boys out of the compartment "Out out out! I need to get changed into my Muggle wear."

"Yes Mum." Ron complied dryly. He shot his friend a quizzical look "What're you putting that on for mate?"

Harry's Weasley Sweater was still a bit big on him. It had been to start with, eating well helped fill him out over the term, but wear tended to stretch a woven sweater. It evened out. He shrugged his shoulders and pulled on the hem to straighten it out. He didn't look the other boy in the eye as he replied "Think I'm getting a cold. No sense pushing my luck."

Abcij

"PERCIVAL! RONALD! HERE! HERE!" bellowed Molly Weasley in the midst of the chaos that was Platform 9¾ the evening of June 18, 1992. A pair of towering redtops collided with a mane of red with squeals of delight. Then she turned and squealed "Oh my! One of mine but not the right hair color."

Harry looked up at the imposing redhead woman with a shy smile "Yes ma'am. Harry Potter."

"Well of course you are!" she exclaimed happily. She bustled around his cart and pulled him into a hug, then withdrew and looked him over "Ronald was right you are skin'n'bones. We'll jus have to have you to the Burrow and fatten you up. You get your guardians' permission and come just as soon as you can, right?"

The boy nodded eagerly "Oh can I really? That'd be brilliant! I'll ask them as soon as I find them."

"Oh I'm sure you'd want to spend time with them and your Muggle friends." offered Mrs. Weasley, but she was talking to his rapidly retreating back. And in a very few minutes she was introduced to a frowning man easily twice her size "Hello, it is a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Dursley."

Vernon Dursley grunted, not deigning to take the extended hand "The boy tells me you invited him for the hols. The whole thing? Do you have your husband's approval?"

"Oh Arthur's working at the Ministry today, couldn't get away. You know how that is." She waved off that concern "And if my children's letters are any indication, Harry will be the better behaved of the lot. Ginny? Fred? Percy? George? Ron? Yes, that's the lot. Looks like we're having company. Harry, say thank you to your uncle."

Complying dutifully, the young wizard said "Bye, Uncle Vernon. Thanks." Then "Thank you Mrs. Weasley."

"Don't expect me to pay you for taking him." Vernon had to get in a jab.

Mrs. Weasley watched the boy shrink in shame "Go on, Harry, meet Ginny. Head over to the Floo Station and I'll just finalize things with Mr. Dursley. Off you go." As soon as the children were out of earshot "You Vernon Dursley are lucky I can't turn you into a pig in this Muggle filled place. Have a pleasant summer."

"Of all the nerve!" Vernon blustered "Freaks like that in the government! I'll be protesting to my MP!"


	182. Chapter 182:Trelawney Trumped

**Harry Does Different CLXXXI**

Trelawney Trumped

"The truth lies deeper than any book." Professor Trelawney was lecturing her first class of the morning. She looked to Neville "You, boy? Is your Grandmother well?"

The young Gryffindor gulped ""I-i-I think so."

"Give me the cup." She ordered and after briefly studying the tea leaves declared "I wouldn't be so sure!" turning to Ron asked "And what do you read in your partner's cup?"

Ron looked at Harry's leaves, scratched his head and interpreted "Well, it looks like …err… you're gonna suffer, but you'll be happy about it."

Hermione rolled her eyes, not at all impressed with the professor's antics. And even less impressed when she emitted a horrified gasp.

"Oh dear boy!" exclaimed Sybil. She dropped the cup which promptly shattered. She stammered dramatically "Y-y-you ha-have the g-gr-Grim!"

Seamus called out "What's a grim?"

"A grim takes the form of a large ferocious dog." Justin Finch-Fletchley read from the textbook "One of the darkest omens in our world. An omen of death."

Harry looked back and forth between the Hufflepuff and the professor with a look of panic settling on his demeanor sobbed "No! Not the Grim! Ahh! Ahhhh! AHHHH!" After which he fled the classroom.

Abcij

"Well of all the places students have ever fled to, I suppose this is relatively benign." Professor McGonagall archly grumbled as she entered her Third Year Boys' dorm "And, while I find myself less than pleased one of my lions skipped a class, I am not dissatisfied with how you are spending your time, Mr. Potter."

Harry slid off his bed looking shamefaced "Sorry ma'am. Finch-Fletchley read about the Grim which were the tea leaves I had in my cup and I went round the bend because I actually saw one."

"Where would you actually see such a beast?" the Head asked in an alarmed tone.

Coolly, calmly, he answered "Right down the street from the Dursleys' after they threw me out. I think it was going to attack me before the Knight Bus appeared."

"I shall discuss this matter with Professor Lupin." She promised "Meanwhile what shall we do about Divination?"

Harry gulped "Much as I'm not really afraid of a dog anymore, I really kind of …shall we say… have an allergy for the subject. No offense to Professor Trelawney."

"Mr. Potter, were Hogwarts to punish everybody for running from a death warning from Divination, I doubt we could stay open." Minerva allowed her mouth to twitch "At the very least, we would no longer need Mr. Filch's services. You may NOT spread that statement around. Regardless, you then have a difficulty. Withdrawing leaves you short four credits for the year."

Harry nodded thoughtfully "I figured that. Arithmancy is my best choice. My Muggle grades won't show it, but I'm actually pretty good at math. Didn't dare get grades better than Dudley. Had to work hard sometimes to get answers wrong. Anyway? Can I switch to that?"

"I shall speak to Professor Vector. You can speak to Miss Granger about catching you up on the first couple of classes. And possibly share textbooks until owl-mail order can get here." Her tone and face were neutral but she was secretly pleased.

Harry nodded "Yes Professor." Then he gave a questioning look "Something about that, ma'am. How could Hermione be in both when the schedule overlaps?"

"Magic, Mr. Potter." She answered shortly "Now, I just raised my expectations of you. Do not disappoint me."

1st class, Grim, harry snaps


	183. Chapter 183:True Troll

**Harry Does Different CLXXXIII**

True Troll

"TROLL! TROLL IN THE DUNGEON!" yelled Professor Quirrel and moments later he felled like a tree laying there unmoving.

Harry ignored the commotion and Dumbledore's announcement asking "Where's Hermione?"

"Padma Patil said she saw her in the girl's bathroom, crying." Neville Longbottom reported. Harry sprinted off with Ron hot on his heels.

Hogwarts was proving no different from Smeltings Elementary for one Hermione Granger. No friends. Not even in what Professor McGonagall described as just like your family. The nastiest may have been the Slytherin boy, but if she'd rather not have one Ronald Weasley of Gryffindor as a brother. Finally the last of her tears drained on her cheek she determined to make a go of it as a witch come hell or high water. But turning she was confronted by an ugly green hairy blob, attached to a club wielding ugly monster. Intellectually, she knew it was not a hundred feet tall. All she could do was try to swallow the lump in her throat.

"HERMIONE RUN!" yelled Harry as the pair of boys had just overcome the taboo of boys entering a girls' bathroom.

And just as she dove into a particular toilet, the wood divider splintered over her head. She screamed incoherently.

"HEY PEABRAIN!" Ron screeched and threw a shard that by luck bounced off the troll's head.

The girl used the distraction to crawl away from the toilet and seek shelter under a sink. Hardly had she huddled beneath it, than the troll's massive club crushed the sink right next to her. Hermione squealed in abject terror.

Seeing the monster was preparing another swing at the defenseless girl, Harry charged and caught his club. This was somewhat effective as the boy was lifted onto the troll's neck, and his club was totally deflected from targeting Hermione. Harry yanked on the monster's ears then jammed his wand in its nose. But that resulted in his getting grabbed by the ankle and having to awkwardly dodge the club as it whizzed past his head. He pleaded "DO SOMETHING!"

"What?" cried Ron.

Desperate Harry yelled "ANYTHING!"

"Swish and flick!" Hermione encouraged as the redhead boy pulled his wand.

Sheer terror at getting pulverized was more motivation than failing Professor Flitwick. Ron smoothly fired " _Wingardium Leviosa_!" The club was lifted right from its owner's hand and dangled alarmingly. Then, most effectively, bashed the troll square in its right eye. The monster swayed briefly then crashed, incidentally smashing a few more bathroom tiles. "Cool!"

Harry just managed to scramble aside avoiding getting smushed.

"Is it dead?" asked Hermione as she approached, uncaring of the sink water spurting at her.

Harry shook his head "Don't think so. Just knocked out. Troll bogies." He pulled his wand from the monster's nose.

The children barely had their wits about them when Professors Quirrel Snape and McGonagall arrived "Oh my goodness! Explain yourselves!"

"What it is-" Harry and Ron began.

Hermione cut in "It's my fault Professor."

"Miss Granger?" the Head of Gryffindor quizzed.

She nodded "I went looking for the troll. I read all about them and thought I could handle it. But I was wrong. If it wasn't for Harry and Ron finding me I'd probably be dead."

The boys looked at each other in disbelief 'By the Books Granger'? Lying to a teacher?

"Be that as it may." The Head of House went into lecture mode "That was very irresponsible and I am very disappointed in you Miss Granger! 5 points will be taken from Gryffindor for your serious lack of judgment! And as for you two gentlemen I jus hope you realize how fortunate you are! Not many First Years could take on a fully grown mountain troll and live to tell the tale! 5 points will be awarded you each of you for sheer dumb luck!"

Professor Quirrell squeaked and jumped as he was prone to "Perhaps you ought to go. Might wake up." And just for an instant, if someone had been looking, there was a flash of fury.

"Professor McGonagall I can't, in good conscience, take points awarded under false pretenses." Said Harry, bringing the little procession to a screeching halt.

Ignoring the noises of protest from the other children, McGonagall said "Alright, Mr. Potter. Exactly what happened tonight? From your point of view?"

"It actually started this afternoon in Professor Flitwick's class." Harry told the tale "Hermione tried to help Ron get the levitation spell right, which he did, but I'll get to that. As we were walking to Greenhouse #5 Ron complained she was a real nightmare. Hermione heard it and ran away. At dinner, when Professor Quirrell announced the troll Neville told us she was in the loo and I knew it was near where the dungeons exit. Now it definitely WAS Ron's spell that konked the troll. But I jumped on its back so it didn't mash Hermione into the sink."

Disapproving glares were abundant. Hermione and Ron, though for different reasons, at Harry. The professor at two of the children, also for different reasons. "I find I was rather …short… with both praise and criticism. Miss Granger that will be ten points from Gryffindor and a detention for lying. But award eleven points for loyalty. Mr. Weasley ten points to Gryffindor for defeating a mountain troll with your spell, however nothing good comes from insulting a fellow student. For that, fifteen points from Gryffindor and a detention during which you will write a letter explaining the full circumstances to your parents. Mr. Potter, your frank honesty is quite breathtaking. Fifty points to Gryffindor. Now you may return to your dormitories."


	184. Chapter 184:Toddler Accident

**[a/n0]** kainan1979 I heard your request. Interesting idea. I'll take it up in #192. Cheers.

 **[a/n]** Subject manner warning

 **Harry Does Different CLXXXIV**

Toddler Accident

Privet Drive was a perfectly normal suburb street with perfectly normal houses perfectly normal cars perfectly normal people and perfectly normal streetlights that were lit at 2AM on November 1 1981. That is, until a perfectly abnormal man wearing perfectly abnormal clothes and sporting a perfectly abnormal long white beard appeared from nowhere and extinguished all the perfectly normal streetlights. He then turned his head and smiled at a perfectly normal cat and addressed it "I should have known you would be here Professor McGonagall."

"What gave me away?" the cat transformed into similarly attired woman.

The white-haired man chuckled "Rarely have I seen a feline with such purrfect posture."

"Foo!" she hissed then fell in step as they moved down the street "Are the rumors true, Albus?"

He nodded "I am afraid so Professor. The good and the bad."

"And the boy?" asked Minerva.

The old man gave a weary smile and answered "Ahh…Hagrid is bringing him."

"You think it wise? To trust Hagrid with something this important?" she criticized.

He ignored the tone and answered firmly "I would trust Hagrid with my life."

Just then a single glaring light all but banished the stars as something came screaming out of the sky. It landed. Tires screeched. And out of it came a huge lumbering man, carrying a basinet, who announced "Little tyke fell asleep over Bristol."

"You think it wise, Albus?" Minerva questioned her boss' wisdom "I've watched these people all day. The worst sort of Muggles imaginable. They really are-"

Dumbledore claimed the child, basinet and all "Thank you Hagrid. Very well done. -the only family he has, Minerva. Good luck, Harry Potter." And after setting it gently on the step… with a most detailed letter… the magical trio vanished from Privet Dr."

Abcij

Hours earlier #67 had erupted in a fight, Frank Polkiss lashed out "You're lucky I don't belt you one!"

"My Granny hits harder than you!" Paula Polkiss taunted him in response. And when he swung on her she hip-tossed him then wrenched his shoulder just a little bit out of true. And the harangued housewife laughed cruelly as her husband stumbled out the door.

Frank Polkiss spent the next several hours downing pints and throwing darts at Stonewall Pub. Surprisingly, the more he drank the more he won. Then he drunkenly said goodnight to his mates. This was just minutes before closing time of 2AM. He staggered to his car and drove the ten minutes home, only missing one stop sign. Turning from Wisteria Ln onto Privet Dr. with a skid and an invective "Bloody! Why are the streetlights out! Damn when did that pothole form!" And he went on his way home.

Abcij

"Ma? Da? I cold." Little Harry Potter woke up not knowing where he was or how he got there. The toddler struggled free of wrappings and rolled out of the basinet. He picked at the scratch on his head and sniffled a little. Baby Harry didn't know he was magical, or even what the word might mean. But a useful ability was Apparition. Now a toddler did not have sufficient control, will, or sheer power to accomplish it over any real distance. That said, Baby Harry was cold, a little hurt and desperately missing his parents. Uncontrolled pops of apparition and a magical sense of direction put him right on course for home.

In general the orphaned toddler followed a straight line. A car was in his path, so he went around it. That one surface was an off-white color and the other black meant nothing to Harry. He'd progressed to perhaps #15 Privet Dr. When it happened it was mercifully fast, he barely heard the skid before the impact of a ton of rubber and steel doing 30mph struck the 30lb boy.

A rookie Medical Examiner was seen to vomit on the scene. More than one police officer, even veterans, cried. The dry factual report listed where each body part was found. The child was identified … based on finding a swaddling blanket on the stoop of #4 … as the Harry Potter of the note. Petunia Dursley after strenuous questioning, reluctantly acknowledged the likelihood she was the boy's aunt. This was the first she'd heard of her sister's death and, no they'd not heard anything until an officer knocked on her door over two hours after the tragedy.

All of Privet Dr. turned out for the funeral and burial of little Harry Potter whose life was snuffed out much too soon. A collection paid for the sad ceremonies. The young Dursleys spoke little as they accepted the neighborhood's heartfelt sympathies.

Frank Polkiss was found guilty of Second Degree Manslaughter and Driving Under the Influence. His lawyer argued successfully that had the street been properly lit, the poor man might have avoided the child. Surrey clearly must be just as much to blame. He would spend a year in prison, five on probation and lose his driver's license for life. Baby Piers couldn't grow up with such a cloud over his head, so Paula moved away while her husband was still in prison.

The Dursleys received £20,000 in a settlement for pain and suffering. The signer of the note, one Albus Dumbledore [old tall, white beard as described by the child's uncle] was sought for Child Abandonment.

May 1 1982

"A pleasure to make your acquaintance." she had been waiting for an opportunity without making it too obvious, so she had been introducing herself up and down the street until it didn't seem she was eager to meet who she was watching. Luck had it the family was out for a stroll and passed by "Arabella Figg, I'm a retired teacher. Love children. I run a side business breeding purebred cats. Don't worry, I have all the required municipal licensing and will be very careful with upkeep."

The corpulent man spoke for the couple "Vernon Dursley…my lovely wife Petunia." They shook hands "Our son Dudley."

"Mr, Mrs Dursley, Dudley." Arabella gushed over the boy "Would you ever need a babysitter?"

Petunia replied "I would like to go shopping, y'know with the girls, and Vernon works so hard looking for advancement. But you said you have cats."

"Most are instinctually clean and gentle with children." She assured her neighbor, then slipped in what concerned her mission "Is it just the three of you? #4 correct?"

The Dursleys nodded, somewhat tersely, Vernon answered "Yes to both. Though perhaps we might have an additional someday."

"I hope I am not intruding." She began cautiously. This was IMPORTANT but couldn't be pushed so early "A few of the other neighbors seemed to think you had two children. No truth to that?"

"Pet doesn't like talking about it." Said Vernon gruffly "There was an auto accident some months ago. Careless old fool left a baby on our stoop in the middle of the night, and long before any decent person would be up. Our nephew. Poor waif just lost his parents, murdered. Boy woke in the dreadful cold and wandered into the street."

Mrs. Dursley used a cheery voice, the lie came easily with months of practice "We're both receiving counseling. Just glad our little Dudders is too young to have been affected."

"That's a dreadful tale!" Arabella was appalled. Albus would have to know as soon as possible, though she would need to confirm it. Such things would have been all over the news, but she was from York which was about as far away as it is possible to be and still be in England. "Would you care to have a cuppa?"

Vernon declined politely as neighbors do "Thank you. No. We're just enjoying the Saturday, Dudley loves the park. Shall we son?" And he offered his beefy hand which was taken by the pudgy boy.

Arabella politely waved the Dursley family from her gate, then coolly went about her business. Fed the cats, trimmed the hedges. A bit later, she made sure a few neighbors saw her toss her shopping bags into her jalopy of a station wagon and as soon as she was off Privet Dr., make a beeline for Surrey Regional Library. Retired teacher that she was, just needed to ask "Your periodical section please?"

Abcij

"Yes? Hello?" the Headmaster of Hogwarts answered his Floo feeling rather pleased with himself. The first term since Tom's defeat was largely successful. Did it ALL work out the way he wanted? No. But Severus and Sybil were in place for the future when Tom returned as only a few beside himself were aware. "Why good morning Arabella!" he exuded delight "I assume you are well ensconced on Privet Dr?"

The Squib spy gave a nervous sigh and delayed "Well, yes sir. I even managed …a couple days ago… to chat with Vernon and Petunia."

"Well done." Said Dumbledore as an almost negligent complement "And how is the family getting along?"

Figg sighed. There was just no easy way to work it in "Harry was not with them. He's dead."

"I beg your pardon?" he slowly got up from behind his desk and leaned into the fireplace. "I'm not sure I heard you correctly."

 _There was nothing for it_ , she thought and repeated "The Dursleys only had the one boy. Petunia herself told me her nephew died. I spent four hours at the library researching. And you know I know my way around one. I have copies of all the records."

"Minerva warned me, but to murder their own flesh and blood?" the Headmaster wondered as he stepped through the Floo "How could I be SO wrong?" And if he was a century old when he left his office, he was easily another when he returned to it. He finally allowed the gargoyle to permit entry to concerned colleagues.

abcij

"Great Merlin Albus!" exclaimed Minerva "Forgive us but you look dreadful."

He looked about sadly "No doubt. I feel older than Hogwarts itself. But I imagine I look less dreadful than Harry Potter."

"And what does the git's brat have to do with anything?" sneered apprentice Professor Snape.

Albus just sighed tiredly "Shut up Severus. Minerva, by tomorrow you will be Headmistress Pro-tem. I am retiring, possibly to an advisory capacity. Either or both may be changed by the Board. But I will do my best to assure your permanent appointment."

"This …precipitous… decision is somehow linked to Harry Potter?" asked Minerva.

He handed copies of the Muggle newspapers provided by Mrs. Figg to the assembled staff.

 **ALLEGED DRUNK DRIVER KILLS CHILD** Filius read the November 3 article of the _Little Whinging Gazette_. **TRAGIC VICTIM HIMSELF RECENT ORPHAN** Severus read the November 4 article. **UNEXPLAINED LIGHTING OUTAGE FACTOR IN TODDLER DEATH** Minerva read a March 25 1982 article of the Surrey Times.

"You mustn't blame yourself Headmaster." The incoming Head of Hufflepuff argued forcefully.

It was with a tired smile and a sigh that Albus answered "You will do well for your House, Pomona. I shall stand beside you for the announcement, Headmistress, from there I will surrender myself to the charges. Muggle Aurors called it Dangerment, I believe."

"Surely the Ministry would protect you from prosecution, Albus!" Minerva looked alarmed.

Albus nodded and acknowledged "Yes, I imagine so. It is why I will be resigning as Chief Warlock. Millicent and Tiberius have too much to be on about to worry. Theodore Tonks… I believe he has a foot in both worlds, if a trifle young."


	185. Chapter 185:My Mother

**[a/n0]** Reviews from last time were lively. So passionate about Frank Polkiss. The case could've gone either way. Good lawyer and sympathetic judge.

 **[a/n]** I can go easy on Snape sometimes.

 **Harry Does Different CLXXXV**

My Mother 

The Gryffindor Quidditch team marched eagerly to practice listening to their leader exhort them "I've got a whole new plan. We are going to work earlier, harder and oftener. I -what the? I booked the pitch for Gryffindor today!"

"Easy Wood." Sneered Marcus Flint, extending his hand "I've got a note."

Oliver Wood, keeper and captain, took the scroll and read "I, Professor Severus Snape, grant the Slytherin Team permission to practice today, owing to the need to train their new Seeker. You got a new Seeker? Who? Haha Malfoy!"

"That's right." The blonde smirked as he stepped into view, complete with accessories "And that's not all that's new."

Ron ran up with Hermione on his heels, and gasped as soon as he spotted it "Those are Nimbus 2001s! Where did you get those?"

"Gift from Draco's father." Marcus gloated.

And Draco went right on "See, Weasley, unlike you my father can afford the best."

"No one on the Gryffindor Team had to buy their way on!" Hermione shouted "They got in on pure talent!" Much to the pleasure of her housemates.

Deeply humiliated, the Slytherin spat "How dare you talk to me? Filthy little mudblood!"

Hermione's face drained of color. She was horrified.

"Bloody!" growled Ron, but his brothers restrained him.

Harry, furious, surged forward caught his nemesis by the lapels and throttled him. Then he planted a knee in the groin, doubling Draco over, setting up a crushing axe-pounding to the back. Harry was panting, but Draco was asprawl on the grass unable to cradle all the places he hurt.

"POTTER! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!" apparently, a student had run off to summon a teacher to quell a potential problem. And as luck would have it, the one brought to the scene was the Head of Slytherin.

Harry cringed _Could this get any worse?_ And hardly had the question formed than the Head of Gryffindor appeared. He didn't know, but _In for a penny_ …as the saying goes "You think I did this for the fun of it?! He called Hermione and MUDBLOOD! You know what that means? DO YOU! Well I do! My Mum was a mudblood too! Maybe you didn't know that. Maybe you don't care. But I'm gonna thrash ANYONE that uses that word. I swear it!"

"Mr. Potter calm yourself!" commanded Professor McGonagall.

Professor Snape went stark white at the outburst. Potter's brat couldn't possibly know, yet he all but stomped all over the truth. "Minera, as it was my student assaulted, I reserve the right to discipline Potter."

Students' eyes flashed back and forth between the professors. Draco hacked out a gleeful chuckle as he staggered to his feet. Harry stood his ground.

"Potter that will be ONE night's detention with Professor McGonagall and FIVE points from Gryffindor." The Potion Master looked sickened.

Not a student dared comment, at least not until Draco complained "What? Professor that's outrageous! Wait til my father hears of this! I—"

"And you will serve detention with me Mr. Malfoy." the Head of Slytherin sneered "During which you will compose a letter informing your father of exactly what caused you to need Madam Pomfrey's services. And that is exactly where I will be going. Mr. Flint, obviously my note is no longer applicable."

The Gryffindor team stood gaping at each other until Ron finally asked "What the bloody hell was tha'bout?"

"If you want" George began.

Fred continued "you can go"

"ask Snape." they concluded together.

Ron was too busy rubbing his arm from where Hermione pinched him.


	186. Chapter 186:Grimmauld Levity

**Harry Does Different CLXXXVI**

Grimmauld Levity

"Hey Ron, betcha a Knut I can prank the twins here and now." Harry dropped the challenge during dinner "And all without doing a thing or saying a word TO them. On top of that, they'll kowtow to me in thanks."

Christmas dinner with Sirius, Remus, Tonks and the Weasley clan crashed to a halt. This particularly true in Ginny's case as her fork, full of ham, fell out of her hand and clanged on her plate. "I can barely prank them on my best day. If they actually bow to you, I will too."

"I do not at all approve of this." complained Mrs. Weasley "Your father is fresh out of hospital."

Mr. Weasley gave a weak smile and waved her concern off "Nonsense, Molly, it's good to have a laugh. Harry DID say he wouldn't actually DO anything to the twins."

"That is quite a boast, young Mr. Potter." Said Fred.

George nodded and seemed to swell "I think someone's biting off more than he can chew."

"How many other people you know took on a Basilisk and a Dragon single handed?" asked Harry, challengingly. Adding with a smirk…pausing to count "Just - uhmm - ten words."

The twins met his look with their own and as one said "Go for it Potter!"

"Hey Padfoot? Pass the salt?" he asked, eyes flicking to his Godfather. Then grinning turned to the werewolf "Moony? Cabbage please?"

Both men automatically began to comply with Harry's request then paused. Ron, seeing his brothers' jaws go slack, suddenly didn't remotely mind losing a bet. The other Weasleys weren't sure what was going on, but apparently their resident pranksters WERE being pranked.

"If true" said George.

Fred continued "you would know"

G: "what to say"

F: "to a certain parchment."

Remus and Sirius shot curious looks at Harry, who shrugged, causing them to duet "Perhaps you mean … I solemnly swear … I am … up to … no good."

F: "Great Merlin's"

G: "hairy balls!"

"Boys! None of that!" exclaimed Mrs. Weasley.

The next few minutes would enter legend as the brood of kids ignored their Mum. Ginny offered "Ohhh… you mean the Marauders' Map."

"How'd you know about that?" demanded all three boys, practically in one voice.

She shrugged happily "I assumed you wanted to keep it a secret. So, I was saving it for a time of real need."

"Well done ickle one!" exclaimed Fred while dragging his knuckles across her scalp.

George was more serious "Exactly how long did you know?"

"Couple years." Ginny punched Fred "I heard it when you figured out the password."

Harry was rubbing his nails, looking quite satisfied with himself and asked askance "Now accepting bows and grovels?"

"You've only identified two Marauders." Fred pointed out.

In a rare twinsplit, George criticized "Rather niggardly dear brother. I personally am quite satisfied."

"Well unless Remus and Nymphadora have something to tell us," began Sirius, deadpan "The only BIOLOGICAL heir to the Marauders is Prongs Jr. there.

Remus desperate to cover his embarrassment offered "We'll not discuss _Wormtail_ today. This is a happy day. Are we to understand you two passed Harry the Map? How did you get it?"

"Moony? Padfoot? Prongs _JR_.?" the twins questioned with worshipful tones in their voices. "Tell us EVERYTHING!"

Sirius looked suitably humble "Well. Everything would take quite some time."

"Am I to understand I have the two of you to thank for their delinquency?" Mrs. Weasley looked utterly disgusted.

Harry started giggling, then burst into a full-on belly laugh "I didn't just prank the Weasley twins! I got the Marauders at the same time!" The scowls he received from everyone over the age of 15 simply broke him up.


	187. Chapter 187:Umbridge Unqualified

**[a/n]Inspired by CrazyDuck5280**

 **Harry Does Different CLXXXVII**

Umbridge Unqualified

"Read chapter 1-3." Harry imitated caustically "Put away your wands, you will NOT be needing them. How the bloody hell can you teach defense without wands?"

Madam Pince hissed at him "Hush boy!"

"Harry! Language!" complained Hermione.

He gave an apologetic "Yes Madam Pince." To the librarian, then sat across from his female bestie and quipped "Yes Pince Jr. Anyway back to the basic question. _Back to Basics for Beginners_ , what are we? Firsties?"

"Too bad Percy isn't still around." Ron observed "He'd just LOVE Umbitch. -OWW! I said that out loud?"

Hermione pinched his arm a second time and scolded "You most certainly did Ronald! Regardless, even I recognize the fundamental worthlessness of relearning wand waving techniques. That said, what do you suggest doing about it?"

"Sometimes you just need a little luck to walk your way." Harry had been looking, futilely, for inspiration for some fifteen minutes when a contingent of Hufflepuffs entered the library "Susan **Amelia** Bones kindly join us humble Gryffindors."

This brought another hiss of disapproval from the librarian, but a joking grumble from the target "I suppose we could grace you with our presence Harry **James** Potter."

"I am merely calling attention to a lengthy dose of ignorance of connections in the Wizarding World on my part." Said Harry, indicating she should sit beside him "In this case, I'm certain you have SOME relationship to the **Amelia** Bones who recently attended my Underage Magic trial."

The redhead sighed "Barely an acceptable Mr. Potter. Hardly worthy of Ravenclaw level skills."

"Noted." He accepted the playful rebuke "So would you agree that Professor Umbridge doesn't have the teaching skills of Filch?"

Susan nodded "Auntie mentioned a certain young wizard who … I believe the Senior Undersecretary put it … could not respect his betters. And the displeasure felt when he escaped his sentence."

"Oi!" protested Ron thereby earning a rebuke from Madam Pince.

Harry nudged him and pointed out "She wouldn't be sitting here if she wasn't on our side. It occurred to me… as soon as I saw YOUR lovely face, Miss Bones… that sometimes you need to beat them at their own game."

"Since when did Harry Potter hit on girls? Especially non-Gryffs?" asked Hannah Abbott.

Not looking at the blonde Hufflepuff, he went on "If I read things right …AUNTIE… isn't too fond of Toadie. Quiet Hermione. So here's my plan, and Hermione you can help too. Is there ANYTHING in Umbridge's past we can use to get rid of her?"

"That's rather underhanded Harry!" Hermione hissed in mild offense.

Ron pointed out "Like Snivilus did to Lupin?" earning a poke from the rule-enforcer.

"Snivilus?" the Hufflepuffs queried as one.

Harry giggled "The less than polite nickname bestowed on 12-year old Severus Snape by 12-year old James Potter."

"Ahh…that explains the love you feel in Potions." Observed Susan parenthetically "One battle at a time though. I think Auntie would approve of my taking on a special project. For educational purposes, of course. I'll write her. Better not use a school owl. Would a certain Snowy mind a little trip?"

Harry gave a nod "As long as I'm with you she'll take it no problem."

"Why Harry!" she almost squealed "Is this your way of asking me out?"

He caught the eagerness and felt his own face flush, answered coolly "One battle at a time, Bonesey." And was distinctly pleased by the redhead's crimson cheeks. "Hermione? A little light reading? See if you can't get something on Hogwarts' requirements for Professor. Once around the owlery?"

"Now how do ya bloody like that?" Ron gave an exasperated moan "Walks out with one of the hottest witches in the school."

To Hermione's furious growl, Hannah only giggled. Eliciting yet another warning from Madam Pince.

"Don't you have somewhere else you'd rather be Abbott?" hissed Ron malevolently.

The blonde Hufflepuff merely smirked "I just got ditched by my best friend. I can't think of a better place to be than watch you get out of the hole you got yourself into."

"Now 'Mione" began Ron. Now it must be remembered the redheaded Gryffindor, while not especially booksmart, did have a flare for chess. In other words, thinking several moves ahead was a talent of his. Or in this case recognizing you're about two moves from checkmate, but having a remarkable save. He took Hermione's hand and kissed it "Of COURSE Bones is ONE of the hottest witches in Hoggies. She is a redhead after all. Note, I did NOT say she was THE hottest, now did i?"

As Hermione gushed and blushed Hannah simply screamed, then bashfully nodded "Yes, Madam Pince. Two days detention?"

"Three I think." Declared the Librarian.

Hermione decided to kill two birds with one stone, she needed a little space to figure out Ron and to thank Hannah by distracting said "Ahh… Madam Pince… Just a little project, for History of Magic… I'm sketching biographies of the last fifty years' teachers. Would you particularly have their school records?"

EDUCATIONAL DECREE #19 was the beginning of the end of Delores Umbridge's problems. At least, so she hoped. It was how she would finally separate the Potter and Bones brats. " _All non-scholastic interactions that cross House lines must be sanctioned by the Hogwarts Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor."_

"Mr. Potter, Miss Bones what are you doing?" asked Delores in a highly agitated tone.

The couple held their liplock a little too long than even typical teachers patience tolerated. Then Susan smiled at her rather sappily "Why Madam Umbridge, it's called kissing. I believe it was Madam Malfoy at the time would have covered How to Please Your Wizard during your years."

"Explains SOOOOO much." Mumbled Harry, around her lips. The comment was loud enough to hear but nonspecific. He did go on to clarify "This wouldn't be snogging as our clothes are still on."

That was defiance "You are in direct violation of Decree #19!"

"In fact, Hogwarts does not currently have a QUALIFIED Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor." Hermione announced.

Scottish tones in full evidence, McGonagall demanded "Miss Granger! Explain yourself!"

"I see Potter's hand behind this entire affair!" cried Umbridge "Professor Dumbledore I demand you expel him forthwith!"

Harry separated himself from his girlfriend and nodded "Yessir. We got all her school records. Hogwarts requires a Professor to NEWT with an O in their chosen subject. Additionally, NEWT in another subject and OWL in two other subjects. Delores Umbridge got an A in her Defense OWL. Professor Mortitia Carrow declined to accept her into the NEWT program. The only NEWT, an EE in Muggle Studies. Hardly a stellar academic."

"Not for you to judge, Potter." Snapped Professor Snape.

Hermione shook her head "With all due respect sir, we should expect a certain knowledge from our teachers."

"Knowledge? Mudblood! I am the appointed of the Minister for Magic himself!" the sweet tones belied an undercurrent of fury. "I will SHOW you Dark Arts!"

A pair of mid-level such spells were racing toward Harry before most pupils had a chance to blink. Not so for The-Boy-Who-Lived had caught her movement and acted. The two minor curses easily missed, one hitting a column, the other easily caught on his wand and dissipated, he sneered "Most unimpressive."

"Impudent brat." Delores hissed, then snarled out " _Crucio_!"

The spell knocked Harry to the ground. In rushed a full platoon of Aurors led by a certain not-quite-friend of Harry's "Lay still. I never would have let thins go on if I thought she could do that."

AHHH-CHOOO! His face twisted and he sneezed again, then laughed, almost giddily and greeted her "Hiya Auntie. Not to take it lightly, but after Voldemort, her Cruciatus is pretty lame."

"Well this should finish your teaching career." Amelia addressed the captive "Delores Umbridge you are under arrest for use of an Unforgivable on a wizard. Auror, take her to a holding cell, level 5 precautions. And, no matter the lightness, my niece would never forgive me if I allowed her boyfriend to go untreated. Healer McKellar?"

Susan pushed her way through with a concerned expression and Harry moaned "Well I guess you're right. Sue? Help me up?"

"Hmmmm!" Amelia scowled as her niece helped a teenage boy away to bed, never mind that bed was in the hospital wing.


	188. Chapter 188:Harry's Ball

**[a/n]** So as my anthology approaches 200, what do I find? There seems to be no end to the possibilities. Outlines currently reach 203. Thank yous are due for the most prolific reviewers. I'll do that on #200. For now, a more generalized one to everyone. Meanwhile HAPPY GROUNDHOG DAY **!** Long live Punxatawney Phil **!**

 **Harry Does Different CLXXXVIII**

Harry's Ball

"Frederick Gideon Weasley! Exactly what are you up to?" demanded Angelina Johnson.

Pulling a face he countered "No idea what you're talking about oh ebony beauty." Meanwhile discretely using his wand behind his back to float a phial to George, who for no apparent reason did a remarkably graceful dance spin. Which just happened to dispense the contents into the punchbowl.

Padma Patil was not having a good time. This being the direct result of the behavior of one Ronald Weasley. Parvati Patil was highly resentful of this circumstance. Harry Potter was, therefore, excusing himself to take his third trip in an hour to the loo. Within seconds of George Weasley's performance, Harry happened to dunk a cup into the bowl before the Weasley concoction had much change to mix. Carrying an additional cup, he made his somewhat reluctant way back to his less-than-delightful date.

"Hey! Watch it!" a Beauxbatons girl jostled him as he took a swig from his cup. A second collision dumped him most ignominiously on his rear. After a momentary blackout Harry grabbed an offered hand, a Ravenclaw Sixth Year boy. The tug on his arm did more than pull Harry to his feet. He vaulted over the crowd's heads, twisting in midair and stuck a landing some fifteen feet away. Then making a wild display of hip thrusts and gesticulations, finished with a high-pitched "OWWWWW!"

Hermione's sniffles of outrage were stifled by her date's tapping her shoulder and pointing. She exclaimed "When did Harry start moving like Michael Jackson?"

"Vho?" asked Viktor.

Not thinking anything was unusual, Harry seized Pansy's hand and spun her about. Even boosting the Slytherin over his head. She fled in terror the moment her feet touched stone. Michael Corner lost his partner to a moment of inattentiveness when Harry pulled Ginny into series of gyrations that would've scandalized the Weasley matriarch.

"It's that Potter predilection for redheads." Minerva was heard to comment to the Headmaster who was her partner of the moment.

Harry, barely breathing a beat above normal, clutched Ginny's robes and kissed her. No one would've thought it his first, let alone hers. Or theirs for that matter.

Albus chuckled lightly "Seems we shouldn't rush to judge. Apparently, Xeno's daughter has continued her dance lessons as eluded to in _The Quibbler_. Oh dear … I'll probably have a lengthy Floo with Amelia about young Susan's injury tonight."

"It will be difficult for Rita to write a scandal about this evening." Pomona was heard to be giggling to Igor.

Thinking similarly, but caustically, to his fellow Slytherin, Severus observed "No matter what Potter manages to foul up he manages to come out smelling of amortentia. Just like his swine of a sire."

"You bloody broke my hip, Harry!" growled the recently mentioned Miss Bones "You'll bloody snog me to distraction while Madam Pomfrey bloody fixes it!" Harry complied with alacrity and enthusiasm.

Seeing her friend resting comfortably, floating to the Hospital Wing, Hannah Abbott turned her ire on the cause. She delivered a scathing diatribe of verbal abuse punctuated by several slaps "You blasted idiot!" was the mildest remark. What had infuriated the blonde Hufflepuff most was probably the stinging in her hand from when she slapped Potter's head.

"Having fun?" Harry taunted his assailant all the while effortlessly blocking each attempted slap. After backing her into a pillar, he forced her arms around his neck and locked yet another set of lips. And he didn't stop for two solid minutes, only encouraged by a litany of whistles and catcalls. When he backed away he smirked at her and said. "You're welcome."

Parvati confronted him "Just what do you think you are doing?"

"Having fun, luv." He answered flippantly, beginning to sway his hips again "You should try it." He then proceeded to completely exhaust a pair of Beauxbatons girls. That was when the Weasley potion wore off and he slumped over into a heavy snore.


	189. Chapter 189:NMoFP by STarKan

**[a/n0]** Guest review of #186 Why didn't the twins cry We're Not Worthy? Sorry they're too young.

 **[a/n]** Not the 1st time I've borrowed directly from other fanfics. The departure here for me is changing a different character's actions. In this case, Ginny. The quoted chapter is 18437 words. For my purposes, I only needed about 1000 before taking it off in my own little direction.

 **Harry Does Different CLXXXIX**

Harry Potter and the Nightmares of Futures Past by S'TarKan Chapter 27

"Yes, Madam Pomfrey," Ginny replied, stripping off her pyjamas, never so glad in her life to see her camisole and pants. Supposing that the toothbrush on the nightstand was intended for her use, she finished her morning ablutions, promising her hair a good brushing when she got back to her room, but deciding that that level of hygiene would wait. She needed to find Harry.

Harry, however, was not to be found.

Although she thought she knew the most likely places (Harry was, after all, a creature of habit) she kept drawing a blank. For once, she wished it was not a Saturday, because she at least knew his class timetable. She stayed in the Great Hall long enough to chew through a hastily assembled bacon, egg and tomato sandwich on toast, while she formulated her search. Without looking desperate, she asked everyone she thought might have a clue if they'd seen her rescuer, but those students who weren't shying away from her confessed that they, too, hadn't seen Harry that morning. She considered going back to her room for a good cry, more out of frustration than anything else, when she ran into Luna.

"You're looking for Harry, aren't you?" Luna asked, in a rather direct manner.

"Do you know where he is?" Ginny asked eagerly.

Luna looked thoughtful for a moment and then shook her head. "No, but if I was Harry, I'd go somewhere where I thought no-one would find me while I wondered whether or not any of my friends still liked me," she said, looking out the window at nothing at all.

"But we all said that it didn't make a difference, now that we knew the truth!" Ginny exclaimed.

"Maybe he wants to hear it again, personally," Luna replied. "That, or perhaps he accidentally inhaled a Bibbering Gimble-chock. It produces much the same behaviour according to my dad – he wrote an article about it last year in the double-length August edition."

"So where would he be?" Ginny asked, not wanting to get into any discussions involving animals mentioned in the Quibbler.

"Oh, the Owlery's a good place," Luna suggested.

"Been there."

"Then that leaves the Quidditch pitch, or the bridge overlooking the lake," Luna said conclusively.

"Thanks, Luna, you're a life-saver," Ginny gushed, running towards the door closest to the pitch.

OoOoO

And then the events of the previous day caught up with him and his eyes snapped open. His stomach clenched at the thought of Ginny in the Chamber of Secrets again, despite his best efforts to prevent it. Was Fate that adamant about having her way? He and Ron didn't use Polyjuice to infiltrate the Slytherins, so instead Draco used it to infiltrate Gryffindor. Was that just a coincidence as well? Was there any such thing as a coincidence anymore?

 _But she didn't really know, did she?_ Harry asked himself. He levered himself off the bed, his sore muscles protesting, and lurched toward the showers. The hot water soothed his muscles, but not his doubts. After drying off, he looked out the window at the morning sky and dressed for flying.

Skipping breakfast, Harry slipped out of the castle with no one the wiser, and was soon back in the air – one of the few places he really felt comfortable anymore. His stay in the hospital wing had indeed left him rusty, so he began slowly, gently circling the pitch. After a while, he began to work the kinks out and began to fly a bit less conservatively. In seemingly no time, he was tearing up and down the pitch, diving and rolling, and engaged in aerobatics designed to give a bat indigestion.

Still, as good as the flying made him feel physically, emotionally he wasn't getting any better. He'd avoided answering Ginny's questions, the ones she couldn't directly ask in front of the others. It was fairly despicable of him to use his friends, and Ginny's residual shyness, to keep her from putting him on the spot. His only defence was that he didn't realize what he was doing at the time, but now he did. She deserved to know. Harry couldn't face himself in the mirror if he continued to conceal things, no matter how embarrassing or painful.

Harry was resolved to return to the castle and face the music, when he noticed a lone figure sitting on the stands. It was rather small, but topped with a mane of fiery red hair that Harry could pick out of a crowd of thousands. Instead of landing on the pitch, he descended toward the stands, landing next to Ginny. He dismounted and sat down a few feet away, holding his broom carefully in his lap.

"Nice weather for flying," she said in a slightly strained voice.

"Yeah," Harry nodded. "The match against Ravenclaw is in a week. I'm not sure if I can be ready in time."

"Playing against Cho Chang?" she asked.

"I think so," Harry said, nodding. "I need to be at my best against her; she's a pretty good flyer."

"Very pretty in general," Ginny observed coolly.

Harry glanced at her out of the corner of his eye as he nodded agreement. Her eyebrows twitched a little – perhaps because she thought Harry was still looking out at the pitch. "She and Cedric make a good couple," he added.

Ginny frowned at Harry and he turned in his seat so he was facing her. "If you saw anything after the DA meeting, she gave me a peck on the cheek because of what I said to Cedric when everyone was accusing Hufflepuff."

The redheaded girl blushed lightly as she stared down at her hands. "Then you two never…?"

"In the future?" Harry asked, but continued without waiting for the answer. "Yeah, we went out once. It was a complete disaster," he added with a grimace.

Ginny let out the giggle she'd failed to completely swallow. "I'm sorry," she said quickly. "It's just, that look on your face…"

Harry shrugged. "I'll admit it's a bit funnier in hind-sight." He tried to remain blasé, but he knew what was coming next. She'd ask if _they_ ever had a relationship, he'd tell the truth, and she'd hopefully just tell him he was more of a brother to her now. If she felt betrayed by his actions, she'd be hurt and angry. Harry wasn't sure if either of them could stand being together at The Burrow if that happened. He clenched his hands on his broomstick to keep them from shaking.

"I didn't see you in the Great Hall at breakfast," she said, suddenly changing the subject, to Harry's vast relief.

"I didn't much feel like eating," Harry admitted.

"Well," Ginny said, bouncing to her feet, "I didn't have much to eat either, and they should be starting lunch soon. If you get any thinner, Mum won't let me and Ron hear the end of it when we go home for the holidays."

"All right," Harry agreed. It still made him smile when Ginny fussed at him like that. In at least one way, she was truly her mother's daughter.

They began walking back to the castle, side by side, Harry's Nimbus balanced on his shoulder. He enjoyed the warm sunshine and the comfortable silence when the latter was broken by Ginny's voice.

"Harry?" she asked, her voice little more than a whisper. She was looking down at the grass as they walked.

"Yeah?" he answered. It was easier, he supposed, if they weren't looking at each other.

"We were more than friends, weren't we? In the future, that is." She asked, her voice catching a little at the end.

"Yeah," he answered, steeling himself for her reaction.

She was silent for a maddening length of time. "I am creeped out by that on so many levels I don't know where to start. How about age? Almost Dad's give or take? You know things about all of us we haven't even done yet. I suppose you could tell me what tattoo I'll get in October 2001. Or is that so long ago you forget? Damn! Time travel really screws with the language!"

"You've no idea." Despite the verbal flaying, or maybe because of it, Harry found that hysterical.

Ginny was not impressed "All of us! But me worst of all! I'm NOT your wife! But you'd know EXACTLY what to say to manipulate me into it! Bloody easy probably with that stupid crush as a start."

"I don't see you as stupid." His tone was flat "I see you as one of the most amazingly powerful witches in the world. And the most beautiful."

THAT would impress any girl. Now they weren't physically close anyway, but she backed further away "Th-thank y-y-you, Harry, but no thank you." She stammered blushing "I get the whole training and exercise stuff. You told us about Mum and Dad so I'll wait, as long as you stay on … Let me put it this way, I plan to date. Don't know who, or when, maybe in a couple years."

"I really only want the best, Ginny…for everybody." There was a grownup tone in the child's voice.

She gave a frustrated sigh and declared "Date someone else Harry. You're too old for me. I don't know if you always will be. Thank you again, I mean that. But please put a little space between you and me."

"I love you Ginny." He said, holding her eyes with his intensity.

She couldn't help the pulse of pleasure that ran through her body. Then she was angry at herself for it and him for evoking it. She snapped at him "No Harry! You don't! You love your wife! I'm NOT her."

"No i-" he began, but stopped when he realized he was only speaking to her rapidly retreating back. Harry felt less like eating than he did when he walked out here in the first place. Sighing sadly he looked away from Ginny "Didn't really think of it from that perspective."


	190. Chapter 190:Broom Closet War

**[a/n]** Kairan1979 you might be interested in the coincidence that your review of the last chapter was #1979 of this little mismatched collection.

 **Harry Does Different CXC**

Broom Closet War

"Stupid bloody Snape!" growled Harry Potter as he stomped into the Gryffindor Common Room. There was no point in going to the pitch, the game must be close to over and probably all but decided if not. He threw himself into the soft chaise and sulked. That is, until he heard voices. Allowing the Arithmancy book he wasn't reading anyway to fall he caught the excitement of his Housemates and just _knew_.

Clutched in her upraised fist, wings still fluttering, Ginny charged in chanting "WE WON! WE WON!" Her eyes locked with Harry and she closed on him, suddenly forgetting the roomful. Just like that! Harry was wearing Ginny, or was it Ginny wearing Harry. After a couple minutes during which there was considerable whistling and catcalling, the kiss broke and she smiled up whispered "Wow!"

"That sums it up." Harry grinned into her eyes. Looking away his face took on a concerned look until he found an approving expression on Ron's face. He couldn't help feeling a certain triumph at Dean's expression. He offered an elbow gallantly and suggested "A walk?"

Ginny grinned back and gave a curtsey "By all means, sir knight, let's."

Abcij

As a general rule, the Headmaster cared little for the romantic involvements of his hundreds of students. Not so Harry and Ginny. He began fiddling with the patrol schedules, deliberately leaving gaps. Then had Minerva order Hermione to take over planning the schedule, on the premise of testing her for Head Girl. He also ordered the Hogwarts elves to start injecting a bit of a potion that tended to lower a person's inhibitions into the young couple's food and drink.

abcij

Harry fumbled with the latch and growled "I can't concentrate on this with your hands in my pants!"

"Well hurry the fuck up!" she snapped back and started gnawing on the back of his neck. This would undoubtedly leave a mark. Hardly the only of the night.

He finally managed the normally simple mechanism, bending it to near uselessness. But that was hardly important. Quite turned on, he roughly kissed Ginny then shoved her into the broom closet. When she fell, he squeaked "Oops!" But it wasn't so bad as the pile of brooms and flying outfits smooshed and settled under her weight. Relieved, and in fact egged on he pounced on top of her with a battle cry "BANZAI!"

"Have you two wands, Mr. Potter?" she asked throatily.

He aggressively attacked her mouth for several minutes before answering "If you're keeping this up, we're not stopping."

"Never said… anything about …stop-ping." Answered Ginny while panting. Their tangled legs made disrobing complicated and Harry's insistent squeezing and sucking on her breasts did little to help. Finally kicking both his pants and her skirt away she mounted him and made no protest when he roughly pushed her panties aside. At his entry, she whimpered "Oh Harrrrrrry!"

Struggling with the unfamiliar activity, he soon caught on, clutched her hips and began thrusting. With a howl that would have done Remus proud he exploded "I'm CU-M-MMM-MING!" After a few minutes his vicelike fingers relaxed leaving behind red marks and bruises in the witch's rear-end.

"That was a-MAZE-ing!" Ginny moaned. Utterly spent, she sprawled bonelessly atop him, exhaustion eventually becoming a dead slumber.

 **HE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-NAMED CONFIRMED DEAD**

 _Minister for Magic Rufus Scrimgeour himself confirmed the startling news. The body was taken under close Auror guard to St. Mungo's where it will be examined by both Healers and Unspeakables. A statement released by attorneys for Lucius Malfoy says the Dark Lord was forcing them, by threat to the Malfoy heir, to grant him sanctuary and use of Malfoy Castle as a base of operations. Lucius and Narcissa are being questioned, but are not considered suspects of Death Eater activity at this time._

 **BOY-WHO-LIVED-UNCONSCIOUS**

 _Deputy Headmistress Minerva McGonagall confirmed previous rumors that Harry Potter was transported to the Hospital Wing late last night. The nature and cause of the injury remain undisclosed. His condition is said to be stable and resting comfortably. There is some speculation, based solely on the timing, that Harry's collapse has some connection to the downfall of You-Know-You._

"Ahh, Harry, good to see Madam Pomfrey as punctual with her estimates as usual." Said Albus Dumbledore as he offered a pair of spectacles.

The young wizard groaned and half sat-up "I feel like Malfoy after meeting Buckbeak."

"Not perhaps, dear Professor Hagrid's best moment from a teaching standpoint." Chuckled Dumbledore.

Harry's spectacles found their way onto his face and perched on his nose. As he focused, he bolted upright in bed and exclaimed "Professor Dumbledore! He, I mean, she… that is … I'm in hospital. Wha'happened?"

"Ah, perhaps I should begin…my boy… by mentioning you have been here slightly less than a hundred hours you have been here." He began with an enigmatic smile "And it was a certain young Weasley of the female variety that brought you here."

Harry half jumped out of bed "Ginny? Is she alright?"

"She might have limped for a day or so." Quipped Dumbledore "Earning very much the ire of a large percentage of the female portion of the student body, and … I might at … a notable portion of the males as well. But, be that as it may, Miss Weasley is perfectly well. Though quite concerned with your welfare. I believe she will be your next visitor, there is however a particular matter we must discuss. You may recall our discussion shortly after your confrontation with Professor Quirrell and the Mirror of Erised? What did I tell you?"

Thinking back the young wizard recalled "That while Voldemort marked me …especially my head… with hate, my Mum marked me with love."

"A masterly summation." The old wizard enthused "Not exactly the words of the day, but an improvement I believe. Now, I must offer an apology to you …and Miss Weasley-"

Harry was distracted by the fluttering of Hedwig. He was delighted to see his feathered friend again. But his expression suddenly changed to dread "Why are you carrying a Howler?"

" **ALBUS BRIAN WULFRIC PERCIVAL DUMBLEDORE!"** the scarlet envelope tore a hole in the air it was so loud " **I don't know if that's even the right order! BUT NEVER MIND! HOW BLOODY DARE YOU SACRIFICE MY DAUGHTER'S BLOODY VIRGINITY ON THE ALTAR OF YOUR BLOODY SCHEMES!"**

The Headmaster shot an apologetic look to the Chief Mediwitch who was glaring with disapproval. He looked at Harry and began "Apparently I have not been so subtle as I thought. I -"

"Oh-ho ho ho! I get it just fine!" Harry chortled. "No-no-no you don't need to explain anything to me. Fact is I couldn't be happier. I must be the first teenage boy in history to have sex with his girlfriend and say … quite honestly … it's all someone else's fault! Hahahahaha! No, that's not true! I'm the first one EVERYONE will BELIEVE! HAHAHAHHA!"

Madam Pomfrey now complained "Oh you may as well get out of bed, Mr. Potter, before you fall out of it!"


	191. Chapter 191:HPYoD by dbzdragonlanceman

**[a/n0]** Everyone seemed to enjoy killing Voldemort with kindness. Well, Albus did say love is The Power. I just took it literally.

 **[a/n]** And now for a HDD moment from a much loved ffnet [I've seen the reviews] classic.

 **Harry Does Different CXCI**

 **Harry Potter and the Year of Discovery** By dbzdragonlanceman

Chapter 22: Percy, the Death Eater

Harry went to Gringotts and rode the roller coaster like trolley down to his vault. He scraped several hundred galleons off the top of the pile into a sack. He rode back up to the main hall and walked down the street to Quality Quidditch Supplies. The clerk bustled up and asked, "May I help you?"

Harry began in a businesslike voice, "Yes, I need a Nimbus 2100, if you please."

The clerk eyed him warily, "Those cost two-hundred eighty galleons."

Harry returned his stare, "I am well acquainted with the prices of broomsticks. I have a Firebolt of my own."

The clerk froze, "You own a Firebolt?"

Harry nodded, "Yes, it was a gift from my godfather three years ago."

The clerk peered at Harry closely, "You're Harry Potter."

"Yes, I am. Now, could we please get the broom. I have to return to Hogwarts soon. I don't mean to be rude, but I am in a slight bit of a hurry."

The clerk bobbed his head up and down, "Yes, Mr. Potter, right away. Would you like the broomstick wrapped?"

Harry shook his head, "No, just put it in a box. I'll wrap it myself."

Fred turned to Harry, "So, is that it, mate?"

Harry nodded, and sat the box on the counter. He pulled the lid off and both of the twins' jaws dropped open. "Do you think that she'll like it?"

George looked goggle-eyed at Harry, "Like it? You better hope that you have something soft to land on behind you when you give it to her."

Fred nodded, "No kidding. She's going to tackle you. Ginny's never had a new broomstick."

"Not to mention that's a Nimbus. The only thing better is the Firebolt." George put in.

Harry grinned, "As long as she likes it, I'm not worried."

While Ginny was talking, Harry realized what he was sensing from Percy. It was the Dark Mark. The fact that it was so unexpected was the only reason that it took him so long to recognize it. Harry quickly drew his wand and grabbed Ginny, pulling her behind him since she was standing between the two of them. Harry asked Percy pointedly, "So, Percy, was your ambition worth this much? Is it that important to you?"

Ron looked at Harry as if he was crazy, "Harry, what are you talking about? I know he's a prat for not apologizing to Mum and Dad, but that isn't really any of your business. That's between them."

Harry ignored Ron as though he had not spoken, "Well, Percy, you didn't answer my question. Was your ambition worth it?"

Percy finally spoke, "Worth what, Potter?" He drew his own wand out and pointed it at Harry.

Harry countered, "Worth knowing that you are going to die serving your master."

Ginny screamed, "Percy, what are you doing?"

Percy grinned, "What should have been done long ago."

Harry quickly constructed a shield around Percy and himself. This kept stray curses from hitting any of the others. They began to duel. Percy caught Harry with the Cutting Curse along his left arm, but Harry countered with a Banishing Charm that slammed Percy against the wall of the shield. The other students were screaming at them to stop. Dumbledore saw that there was some kind of commotion going on at the end of the hallway and was running towards them quickly. He was, however, too late to save Percy. Percy landed from the Banishing Charm, and shouted, " _Avada Kedavra_." Harry anticipated the move and conjured a mirror in front of the curse. The jet of green light bounced off of the mirror and back to its caster. It hit Percy right in the chest, and Percy fell lifeless to the ground.

Harry dropped the shield only to have Ron tackle him, and begin punching him in the face. Harry twisted underneath him and threw him off. Then, he stunned Ron. Ginny was crying over Percy's body while Hemione, Neville, and Luna looked on in horror. They all thought that Harry had lost his mind. Dumbledore looked at Harry wearily, thinking back to the conversation that the two of them had had the night before. It was almost too much to bear. Dumbledore really thought that Harry was under control. "Harry, why did you do this?" Dumbledore asked quietly.

Harry answered in the same tone of voice, "You're looking at Voldemort's spy from Fudge's office."

Dumbledore snapped his gaze down to Percy's dead body and then back to Harry, "What?"

Harry said, "Ginny, pull up his left sleeve." Ginny merely continued to cry. Hermione enervated Ron and the two of them fled down the corridor. Harry walked over to Ginny and Percy. Ginny pulled away from him and drew her own wand.

"You stay away from me. You killed my brother." Ginny turned back to cry over Percy's body as Harry stepped back.

Dumbledore nodded, "I'll go and contact Bill and Charlie, after I have St. Mungo's Medi-wizards come to take the body."

Harry led Arthur and Molly towards Gryffindor tower, while Dumbledore headed back up the stairs into his office.

Once the three people reached Gryffindor tower, Harry paused before giving the password to the Fat Lady. Arthur looked at Harry, "What's the matter, Harry?"

Harry motioned towards the common room. "Ron, has already attacked me once over this. If he's in there, its not likely to be pretty."

Molly pulled Harry into a hug, "Don't be silly. You're part of this family. Come in."

Harry nodded as he followed Arthur and Molly into the common room. All the students in the room were silent except for the crying that could be heard from the corner. There sat Ginny with Neville and Luna patting her on either shoulder, and murmuring supportively. Harry's heart almost broke from the pain that he had caused his beloved Ginny.

Ginny looked up to see her parents. She jumped up and ran toward them, "Mum, Dad!" Then, she saw Harry standing beside Molly. She stopped and her face grew cold. "You." she hissed. As quick as lightning she drew her wand and screamed, " _Crucio_!"

Harry could have easily blocked the curse, but his blood was up from the fight with Percy and the followup assault by Ron. His response to this attack was the same as to her brothers. A mirror flashed into existence between them and the blob of purple light rebounded, striking her. Ignoring the shocked onlookers he stomped up to the writhing girl and glared down as the spell inflicted its gruesome toll. After watching, stone-faced, an elaborate wand motion ended the curse. He spit on Ginny and declared "That was exactly HALF what you intended for me." Then, finally, stalked off.

The next morning during the memorial service, Harry walked up to Gryffindor tower and brought his things down to the hospital wing. Later that evening Ginny finally showed up in the doorway. She stood there and waited for Harry to notice her presence. Harry noticed her but did not look up from the book he was reading. She finally decided to risk speaking, "Harry?"

"Yes?" Harry replied without lifting his gaze from the book.

Ginny gulped, "Can we talk?" Harry didn't respond, but he did look up from the book and set it aside on the table. Ginny walked over and sat down in the chair beside the bed. "I.. I.."

Harry interrupted, "Spit it out." There was a hint of coldness in his voice.

Ginny laid her head down on the bed beside him and began to cry. She threw herself onto Harry, "I'm so sorry. I don't know why I blamed you. Mum and Dad told me about the Dark Mark. I love you so much, Harry. I don't want to lose you over this."

"Get off me!" he snarled, pushing her to the floor "Did you like it! HUH? Did you!"

She stood, sniffled and shook her head "I hated it." She sobbed "My foot is still tingling."

"Aww… my heart bleeds!" Harry shot back, shoving a hand at her as she approached blocking her roughly. He addressed what seemed to be an empty chair "Madam Bones? You heard?"

Appearing out of the air with a sizzle, an iron woman with a now grim face and nodded "Yes, Mr. Potter. Josephina, Pius take Miss Weasley into custody. Assuming that is what you want Mr. Potter?"

"What? Why?" exclaimed a shocked Ginny. She struggled as the female Aurors tossed off Invisibility Cloaks and seized her by the elbows.

Her wand came out in the scuffle to be retrieved by the leader who held it up, drew her own and spoke formally "I request and require you, as duly assigned Aurors, to bear witness. _Finite Incantatum._ Having seen the suspect wand indeed having cast an Unforgivable, I hereby confiscate it for evidence. Ginevra Weasley, you are under arrest for use of an Unforgivable on a human. As a minor you will be held at the Ministry and permitted consultation with your parents. Aurors, take her away."

A kicking, screaming, pleading Ginny was eventually stunned and transported from Hogwarts.

Abcij

The trial was one for the papers for weeks. From Ron's sneering mere wish he'd beat the git to death himself, to Hermione's sobbing testimony acknowledging she'd seen her best girlfriend use the utterly dark spell on the boy who was her brother in all but blood. It was Mr. and Mrs. Weasley's tearful plea for mercy AFTER the guilty verdict that led to a slight softening.

"Chief Warlock, I understand that while a victim may not impose a harsher penalty than the law allows for a crime, he or she may set a lesser penalty?" queried Harry without looking at Ginny.

Dumbledore smiled "Subject to a certain review by the Wizengamot, yes by boy. What did you have in mind?"

"Well, subject to a condition of my own, I propose just five years." Said Harry.

Not quite happy, Dumbledore allowed "Very well, the court will hear the condition."

"Well notwithstanding her brother's brutal assault on me … from behind, I might add … AND her OTHER brother's attempt on my life, the Weasleys HAVE been good to me over the years." Harry offered before continuing "Judging by Ron's look he doesn't think much of it, but oh well. Before the murder attempt, I was very excited to give my _girlfriend_ a top-of-the-line broom for her birthday. I want her to have it, in the cell with her … stripped of all magic of course, and made indestructible."

The implications, once it settled on the assembled court was met with a few sniggers but mostly awe.

Ginny was taken away in chains. The remaining Weasley boys gave sullen angry glares, but didn't speak … in public that is.


	192. Chapter 192:Hermione and the Troll

**[a/n]** Kairan1979 asked for this twist on the troll. A Hermione does different.

 **Harry Does Different CXCII**

Hermione and the Troll

"Stop! Stop!" Hermione restrained her classmate's wandhand "It's a wonder you haven't poked someone's eye out. And it's Lev-i-oh- **sah** not Lev-i-oh- **saw**."

Ron thumped his elbows on the table and snapped "Fine then! You're so SMART you do it!"

" _Wingardium Leviosa_!" the bushy-haired Gryffindor waved her wand at the feather in the precise pattern and the feather floated into the air. She couldn't help the self-satisfied grin.

Ron, on the other hand, was flushed across his cheeks and ears. Not a pleased blush, but one born of humiliation and after class he expressed it "It's Lev-i-oh- **sah.** She's a nightmare, honestly! No wonder she hasn't got any friends!"

Abcij

"Troll in the dungeon! TROLL IN THE DUNGEON!" Professor Quirrell interrupted the Halloween feast.

Through all the yelling and screaming students, Harry grabbed Ron desperately and exclaimed "Hermione! She doesn't know!" The pair of boys ran for the girls' loo.

Abcij

"Stupid bastard Ron Weasley." Hermione NEVER cursed, at least not where anyone could hear, and wiped the tears from her face. She froze in shock when her eyes focused on a flabby green belly.

Harry's voice echoed in the room before he himself entered "Hermione! MOVE!"

"AHHHHH!" the young witch screamed and dove under a sink. She was promptly showered in shrapnel when the one next to her exploded. She scrambled under one after another until she was cut off by a wall of wood.

As the troll reared back to deliver the crushing blow, Harry unthinkingly jumped on the club that was bigger and heavier than he was. Ron whipped out his wand.

" _Wingardium Leviosa_!" shouted Hermione as she saw her would-be rescuer hauled into the air. It was, after all, the only spell they'd really learned. To her immense delight, the club was torn from the troll's hand and from on high thumped it square between the eyes. The witch's very next concern was dragging her fellow Gryffindor from under the unconscious creature. "That was so dangerous Harry! And I cannot thank you enough for trying!"

Into that moment erupted Professor McGonagall "What is all this?"

"What it is - " began Ron

Hermione cut him off "What it is Professor, is Harry running to help me when the troll cornered me. Between us, we knocked it out. Why I was here? Ronald Weasley has been nothing but a bully to me since classes started. He resented me helping him in Professor Flitwick's class, insulted me and made cry. I was in here and the troll trapped me. If it wasn't for Harry, I'd probably be dead."

"I see." The Head of Gryffindor considered the story, and the looks on all three children's faces "Well, ten points from Gryffindor and a detention, Mr. Weasley. During which you and I will discuss House loyalty … among other things. Mr. Potter, we customarily seek out older students or professors when confronted with a dangerous situation. But I cannot argue with the outcome. Twenty points to Gryffindor."

A version that was more complimentary to Ron and less flattering to Harry was in the boys' dorm, where he was confronted by Ron's twin brothers "We hear you're spreading falsehoods about our baby brother."

"Look, I was never a fan of tennis." Snapped Harry, unimpressed "Tennis talking just gives me whiplash. Anyway, check with some of the others in Flitwick's class. Ask Flitwick himself. If you don't believe them, prank me to your hearts' content. No matter what, leave Hermione alone. If you don't I'll take it to McGonagall."

"Ickle Harry's"

"got a bark"

"but no bite." They quipped.

Not one to use his fame trivially he glared at them and asked "Seen Voldemort lately?" He smirked when they cringed. Little changed for Harry in the next week except that Ron Weasley was swapped for Hermione Granger. He gravitated to Dean Thomas in his dorm, but not as a best friend. A Saturday lunch was interrupted by an owl with a red envelop.

"Look everyone, Potter's got a Howler!" Ron was utterly gleeful. He knew his family owl.

Neville quivered "Better open it Harry. I tried to ignore one from my Gran once. It was horrible."

 **HARRY JAMES POTTER HOW DARE YOU AND THAT MUGGLEBORN CHIT CONSPIRE TO EMBARRASS MY RONALD? YOU HAD BEST WATCH YOUR STEP AROUND THAT SCHOOL, OR YOU WILL BE HEARING FROM ME AGAIN!** After delivering its message the intricately folded parchment made a raspberry sound and committed an elaborate self-immolation.

"Sounds like Aunt Petunia when I beat Dudley in Math Class." Commented Harry, before taking a swig of pumpkin juice. There was some laughing, but all the Weasley boys looked put out. Otherwise Hogwarts saw little fallout from that Halloween night.

Abcij

Amelia Bones was not looking forward to this meeting. She really liked the Head of the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Department. While he was theoretically her equal, the department had long reported to hers and the situation was certainly a Law Enforcement matter "Come in Arthur. Although this is a serious matter, I do not wish you to think the Ministry is at all dissatisfied with YOUR job performance. In fact, please, have a cup of tea."

"Thank you Amelia, I'll pass that onto my people." The lightly greying redhead acknowledged the compliment.

The Head of the DMLE sighed "And that's what makes this so bloody frustrating. There was an incident of bullying at Hogwarts that brought this about. The matter was taken quite seriously, the children's parents got involved, retained some very heady representation and got a formal Protection From Abuse writ issued."

"MY!" exclaimed Arthur "I know Fred and George tend to get into mischief but they always seemed to be all in good fun."

She coughed uneasily and said "Not this generation's Marauders. No. And nothing committed by them has ever been referred to my level. The complaint is against your youngest son Ronald, for indirectly endangering the life of a Muggleborn witch by the name of Hermione Granger. A secondary complaint bars your wife from sending any howlers to the girl, about the girl, or mentioning her in ANY way. There is a personal note, not actually legally binding as the other child's guardians have made no supporting filing. It would be wise if you were to act as if such has been."

"Molly tends to be overprotective when it comes to her brood, especially with two so far away." Arthur wasn't quite apologizing and they both knew it "She mentioned an incident and I usually leave such in her more than capable hands. I'll speak to her."

She shook her head "Sorry, Arthur, I will need more than that. You can read the file in the privacy of your office. But you need to be aware the boy your wife sent her Howler to was the one and only Harry Potter."

"Bloody hell." He gasped, as he fell out of his seat.

After enervating and offering the victim something much stronger than tea, Amelia concluded the meeting "I don't know why Mr. Potter's guardians have not followed through on the example of the Grangers, but it is rather lucky that has not happened. As things stand, I do not have to take official notice, and I will not. That said, this is an order, your wife and son will apologize … publicly… to Miss Granger and Mr. Potter."

"Molly does not react well to …as she would term it … coercion. However I will convey the gravity of the situation to both her and Ronald." Arthur promised and excused himself, beating a hasty retreat.


	193. Chapter 193:Lone Traveler 2

**[a/n]** Peaking in on Dunuleos' travels. I saw for the most part, The Lone Traveler knew exactly what he was doing.

 **Harry Does Different CXCIII**

Lone Traveler 2

An hour here, a day there, sometimes a week. Harry Potter guessed this curse he was under had gone on for a couple years or more. During one stopover he'd met a teenage Pandora Lovegood who dubbed him The Lone Traveler, so he introduced himself as he altered different points in history. He hoped someday he'd learn how some of his visits affected different histories, particularly the one where he'd prevented entirely the birth of Riddle. He looked around his new surroundings and noted "Restroom … the sounds of trains … the only sensible place that could be is King's Cross. The date is another matter."

"Come on mate!" there came a thumping at the door "We're not women! All ya gotta do is drain the vein!"

The Lone Traveler rolled his eyes, flipped on the hot water and ran it rather longer than necessary. When he finally left, he smirked at the man. He was easily twice Harry's age, affecting a McGonagall accent "Hap yeself laddie." He strolled away in search of additional information about WHEN he was.

Abcij

"Oh! I beg your pardon mister!" a young boy's voice apologized from behind a loaded luggage cart. A snowy owl squawked in protest of her cage being rattled and nearly toppled.

The Lone Traveler had been rushing to Platform 9¾ to make sure nothing went wrong with his first meeting with Hermione and Ron. Turning a corner, he smacked into an unexpected obstacle, senses reeling he launched a barrage of verbal abuse "OF all the bloody stupid! Why don't you watch where you're go -" And he was looking up into the fear-filled eyes of 11 year old Harry Potter.

"It was all my fault sir!" sobbed the young boy.

Forcing his vision to clear and his temper out of his voice The Lone Traveler addressed the boy "My apologies, Harry. You see my job is to point our kind where they need to be and I was away from my post a bit longer than I was supposed to be. Loo call, you understand. Regardless, don't be concerned with my woes. Two intersections thataway will get you there. I just pointed a kindly redheaded woman there who'll be glad to get you to the Express. Can't miss her. Leading a brood of boys and a girl."

"Thank you very much, sir." Said Harry politely, though still somewhat shaken from the collision "Beg pardon, sir, but I couldn't help notice how alike we look and -"

The Lone Traveler gave an almost wistful smile, easily reading the desire to permanently leave the Dursleys, but he sidestepped "You'll find, Mr. Potter, that there are people in the Wizarding World that are about as closely related to you as Dudley … and who love you, just as dearly … Maybe we'll cross paths again."

"Well, goodbye then." Harry knew he was being told to buzz off, and did so without looking back.

The Lone Traveler read aright his younger self's displeasure and chuckled, then looked around nostalgically for a while. Suddenly, he snapped at himself "Fool! I could be watching my first meeting with the Weasleys!" He pulled his Invisibility Cloak over himself and set off dodging other travelers as he went.

Abcij

"Excuse me, how do I -?" Harry hesitantly approached a red-haired woman.

After looking the boy over, she nodded to herself "Yes a new Hogwarts pupil. Fine choice of an owl, young man. But perhaps you can tell me how you knew me for a witch?"

"Oh sure, ma'am." Replied Harry politely "The wizard at the far end of the station. His job is to direct anyone who needs help."

This particular witch hid her shock at that revelation. It actually sounded like a useful idea that should have been in place for a century, and one that her department would implement with all due haste. Externally she nudged the redhaired girl beside her "Introduce yourself to your new classmate dear."

"Susan Bones." She offered her hand with a sidewise look that promised retribution "And my Auntie Amelia, who's just a tad bossy."

The boy shook with the girl, shooting a nervous look at the adult witch "H-hello I'm Ha-harry Potter."

"It is a pleasure to meet you Mr. Potter." Said Amelia, pretending obliviousness she leaned over and pecked her niece, whispering "I expect a report … verbatim … of your interaction." Then to Harry "I leave you in Susan's capable hands. A word of advice, if I may ... take your education seriously, your lessons and assignments may seem trivial but they are not."

Harry looked from adult witch to young witch, nodded nervously and answered "Yes'm."

"Come on Harry!" Susan squealed and took his elbow "We're gonna be late!"

The Lone Traveler watched the whole interaction with growing shock. He was improving the lives of his other selves, pushing them in the right direction. What had just happened? How had he utterly steered his 11 year old self from the Weasley family? Could be even begin to fix it? And just as he began to process this turn of events, his vision filled with the bright light that signified he was again leaving another time and place.


	194. Chapter 194:Whoopi v Voldemort

**[a/n0]** I may well occasionally revisit the Lone Traveler character. That's an almost unlimited realm by itself. But I don't have think I'll make him a central feature. We'll see what the muse says.

 **[a/n]** I was watching The View on ABC which mostly disagrees with current US policy and specifically President Trump can do no right. Whoopi did _actually_ call Trump You-Know-Who, inspiring this.

 **Harry Does Different CXCIV**

Whoopi v Voldemort

Whoopi Goldberg, Joy Behar, Sunny Hostin, Meghan McCain and Raven-Seymone were discussing the political events of the day "Welcome to The View! Welcome to The View! Welcome to The View! Welcome to The View! Welcome to The View! Welcome to The View!" exclaimed the dreadlocked, dark skinned hostess of the long running talk show.

"Our much complaining President is at it again." Grumbled Joy "The poor victims of violence are, in his mind, the most dangerous committers of violence in America."

Meghan pointed out "Now you know I have no love for Donald Trump after the way he insulted my father, BUT we have the right and …in fact, duty… to control who comes into our country."

"I can't tolerate ANYTHING that person does. He has no place sitting in MY White House!" Raven complained, with a loud huff.

A heckler stood up and yelled across the soundstage "You promised to leave the country if he won! Why ya still here?"

"Shaddup you! Security take him out!" ordered Whoopi with her hostess authority, then she turned to chastise her co-hostess "Now, Meghan, that name should not be used in polite company. Going forward use something like He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named or more simply You-Know-Who."

Abcij

The Dark Lord had his nemesis high up on a damaged parapet and gloated "Bravery, haha, got your parents nothing Harry. And sorry to say it will get you nothing but a mention in history. Today is the last day of your life, boy."

"Then we'll die together!" snarled Harry as he bodily flung himself at his enemy, throwing their combined weight into a death plunge to the courtyard far below. The whole while struggling to choke the life out of him. And he was almost disappointed when they apparated unharmed to the ground. He rolled, simultaneously aiming and firing a spell Hermione told him was related to the Time Tuner, yelling "TEMPUS RUBIKUS!"

The battling pair vanished to the sound of tearing paper, if you can imagine a sheet of paper a hundred feet long and a foot thick. As far as the other combatants were concerned, the leaders simply vanished.

Abcij

Lord Voldemort reappeared in a hallway. His unnose wrinkled with distaste as he took in his surroundings, he snarled "Where have you brought me, Potter? This place reeks of Muggle."

"You there! I don't know you! Lemme see your pass!" a huge black man with massive arms seized the stranger from behind and spun him around. Then backed away, face teverwisting in disgust "Shiiiiiiiiit dude! You one UG-ly mothafucker!"

The Dark Lord took great offense, sneered at the muggle "And you, muggle, are dead. _Avada Kedavra_!" Stepping out to where he heard voices, and in particular, a reference to himself… pointed at the specific individual and demanded "You there! Muggle! How do you know of Lord Voldemort?"

"Who is this bozo?" demanded Whoopi "You know what? Never mind, get that freak outta my studio!"

Two men, who were even more massive than the previous guard approached. One twirling a blackjack, the other hanging slightly back with his hand on the gun at his hip. The closer ordered "You heard the boss, asshole, we can do this the easy way or the hard way."

" _Crucio_!" everyone saw the spell lashing out and hit the bulky guard, who went down screaming in agony. Voldemort smiled evilly and quick as can be Joy and Sunny were on the floor writhing violently. "You invoked my presence muggle. And you can die for it. _Avada Kedavra!"_ Whoopi was dead before she hit the floor.

That was when Harry appeared out of nowhere. He took in the scene and instantly warned "NO! Leave him to me." And trained his wand on the Dark Lord.

Security guards ignored the warning and acted. All of the ones with guns opened fire on the ugly terrorist, and they were good shots.

"Now I can explain." Said Harry in a calmly appeasing tone, trying to process the fact that Voldemort was apparently dead, but very unsure as to where he was. He recognized the black woman he'd seen slain, but couldn't imagine why Whoopi Goldberg looked so much older than he remembered. On the bright side, magic chose to intervene just then and return him to Hogwarts.


	195. Chapter 195:After Lone Traveler

**[a/n0]** This is definitely a lot slower than my usual pace. I had some serious surgery on my back, worse is what the anesthesia does to the brain. Just couldn't write. Don't think this is exactly how I sketched this idea out before the surgery, but I like this a whole lot better than the gibberish I put together last week.

 **[a/n]** Sequel to #193  And while he doesn't appear, character credit to Dunuleos

 **Harry Does Different CXCV**

After Lone Traveler

 _Amelia Bones_

 _Ministry of Magic_

 _Department of Magical Law Enforcement_

 _September 4, 1991_

 _Dear Auntie,_

 _I decided to hold off after seeing the look one professor gave Harry during the Welcoming Feast. So this is lunch after Potions. Starting with the Express, then I'll also cover the Feast. I'll only briefly cover my time in the Hufflepuff Dorms as you've already been there. I can only tell you what Harry told me about his experiences in Gryffindor, as you taught me hearsay. And so we begin._

Susan Bones unaffectedly pulled Harry Potter through the barrier between platforms 9 & 10.

"Whoa!" the ignorant young wizard gasped at the experience. This was in addition to the rarity in his life of the kindness of two adults who were strangers, and the in his experience zero friendliness replaced with the casual way a girl he didn't even know was willing to touch him. He opted for awe at the scenery "Wow! And nonmagics can't see this? Can't get here?"

The young witch snorted amusedly "The word is Muggle, Harry, say nonmagics like that and you'll get the queerest looks. Like you tried to pass off a three Knut coin."

"Oookay" said Harry rather blankly, looking around deeply impressed with the surrounding "Wow! So this is 9¾!"

Susan gave the bespectacled boy a nudge toward the train and commanded "On you get! You help me with my trunk and I'll help you."

"Gee thanks. All I got from my uncle was 'scratch my bumper and you'll get whatfor." *grunt*

The young redhead witch smiled and grunted with him, filing away that appalling piece of information and hauling the pair of trunks aboard "My best friend Hannah was getting here real early, so she has a car set up for us. Well her and I anyway. You're welcome to join us. That is if you don't mind sitting with a couple of Hufflepuff girls."

"Mind?" asked Harry, in astonishment "I'd be delighted!"

That simple acceptance made her beam at him. Grabbing her cart she said "Well! Let's get on then!" Pushing ahead, she looked back with an inviting smile and a flick of her head.

"Dunno what a Huffle is, but I think I'll like it there." He gave a minor grunt and followed. Several semi or completely empty compartments were passed, which figured meant his new acquaintance was specifically looking for someone. Experience in Little Whining automatically raised his suspicion of upcoming abuse and dismissal. When she squealed and was engulfed by another girl who giggled happily, he began to look for his usual escape route to invisibility.

Stopping her lightning fast prattle with her lifelong friend, Susan unabashedly pushed him into the compartment and barreled on "I'll push in our stuff, you and Hannah store it." The job took little time, especially under the taskmistress, until finally "Well? What're you standing around for? OH! How silly of me! Harry Potter, Hannah Abbott. Hannah? Harry."

"Merlin! Are you really?" exclaimed the blonde girl, eyes shining.

Susan rolled her eyes, mimed petting her friend and feeding a treat, scolding "Down kneasel! Down!"

"Did you really ride a dragon when you were six?" asked Hannah.

To which Harry blinked and shook his head "Err… no… my uncle wouldn't spring for it in the park. How would you know about that?"

"Diarrhea-of-the-mouth is talking about all the books about your glorious adventures." Said Susan in a sardonic tone "Now can we assume you don't mean an ACTUAL dragon?"

Giving one girl a smirk and the other a sheepish look, Harry admitted "Right. Kiddie ride at an amusement park. Had to watch while my relatives rode it. Best day in my life was when Hagrid showed up with my Hogwarts letter."

"Hagrid? Rubeus? Very large man with a beard? 8 feet tall?" asked Susan looking for confirmation. Then, to his indignant squawk explained "NO. I don't mean anything bad. It's just normal for a professor to deliver a letter. You're…well… YOU and if there was trouble, well, one of the Heads of House."

Hannah suggested "My and Sue's letter stories are pretty drab, yours sounds interesting."

"Well, that's one word." Was Harry's mildly sarcastic response.

 _Auntie, I really think these Muggles are all wrong for ANY Wizarding child. How Harry turned out so nice is beyond me. Anyway, just after the Tale of the Keeper of Keys we had a lovely visit from Reducioed Lucius._ Susan giggled as she wrote the words knowing the expression of amused disapproval that would cross her regent's face, but she continued with scroll and quill.

** **BANG** ** **ZIIIIP** ** **WHUMP** **

"Honestly, Draco!" squeaked Hannah, making a motion to cover herself "We could have been CHANGING!"

While his hulking aides covered their eyes, the blonde boy snorted in dismissal "Halfblood flesh is of no importance. Besides, you're OBVIOUSLY not changing, so your point is irrelevant. You….are Harry Potter, of course. I am Malfoy, Draco Malfoy. These are Crabbe and Goyle. You'll need to associate with the right people, I can help you there." He finished the speech offering an outstretched hand.

"Crabbe, Goyle…pleasure." Said Harry with a nod at the background pair. He did take the offered hand "Now, Draco, I do happen to like these two girls. They're nice, if a bit bossy. Eh Sue? I'm not opposed to making friends, so let's just see how it goes."

Having watched the whole interaction with outward disinterest, the two girls giggled as the trio of boys departed. Hannah quipped "Nicely played, Harry. I don't think anyone has ever flummoxed Draco so badly before."

"Careful about him, though." Offered Susan, who handed him a paper she'd been drawing on "I don't claim to be an artist, but look out for anyone that has this on their forearm. His father, Lucius, does. It's You-Know-Who's mark."

Harry worked through that but asked a different question "Hagrid had the same problem. I mean it's just a name, right? Voldemort?"

"Has anyone seen a toad? A boy named Neville's lost one." Asked a new intruder.

Susan and Hannah were both relieved at the change of subject, and unlike Draco, this one hadn't thrust open the compartment door uninvited. Hannah rolled her eyes and drew her wand "Honestly! That boy. He needs a leash for his pet. _Accio_ Trevor!" Nothing remarkable happened for almost a minute then a croaking, rather slimy ball of green landed on the blonde girl's hand.

"Well, off you go then." Ordered the redhead "He's your crush after all."

The blonde squealed " _Susan_!"

 _Harry got sorted into Gryffindor, after a rather longish discussion with the Sorting Hat. Apparently the Weasley twins pranked their brother into believing you had to fight a Mountain Troll to pick your House. Are you SURE I'm related to Ron? Red hair notwithstanding? Harry was polite enough to introduce me to his dormmates. Percy Weasley had some pointed questions for me. He knows EXACTLY who I am and who YOU are. Didn't catch all of his book, something like_ _Prefects and Power_ _. Wonder how he avoided Slytherin. Which reminds me, take a wild guess where Draco landed. The Hat initially wanted Slytherin for me, but I asked where Draco would end up and …well to be polite … told it no thanks. So I follow your and Mum's footsteps. There's a bit of a surplus of Hufflepuffs so we're spilling into other classes. I casually volunteered to fill the open seat in the Gryffindor-Slytherin Potion Class. That was most educational._

***BANG***SLAM

"There will be no silly incantations or wand waving in this class!" Professor Snape burst into the classroom "As such I do not expect most of you to understand the subtle science and exact art that is Potion Making. But for those select few … with The Gift … I can teach you how to bewitch the mind and ensnare the senses. I can tell you how to bottle fame, brew glory and even how to put a stopper in death. Then again maybe some of you come to Hogwarts in possession of abilities so formidable you need not pay attention."

 _Now Auntie I swear Harry told me he was writing exactly what Professor Snape was saying. Word for word in fact. I saw his notebook._

"Mr. Potter … our new celebrity." The Potions Professor focused on the one Gryffindor "Tell me Mr. Potter, what would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?"

Harry swallowed nervously "I don't know sir."

"Let's try again." Smirked Snape "Where would you look if I asked you to find me a beazor?"

Harry shook his head futilely.

"Powdered root of asphodel when added to an infusion of wormwood, for your information…Potter… produces a potion so potent that it simulates death. A Beazor, you will find in the stomach of a goat and it will save you from most poisons." After lecturing while bearing down on Harry, he swept back to his desk and declared "Gryffindors note, five points will be taken from your House for your classmate's cheek."

Out in the corridor, Ron complained "What a smarmy greasy-haired git!"

"That is not a proper way to refer to a professor, Ronald!" snapped Hermione.

Susan interjected "The Weasley talent for vulgarity notwithstanding, there is a valid point. Auntie told me EVERY professor has their pet and their favored House. Now obviously that is Slytherin for the Head of it, no surprise there. But honestly! Beazors are only mentioned briefly in chapter 20. And I saw the Draught of Living Death in Auntie's Auror handbook. I guess your birthday is somewhere in January, Hermione, if not sooner. Then-"

"What do you care, Bones?" sneered Ron. "This is a Gryffindor matter."

Harry got in front of him and ordered curtly "Let her alone Ron. Maybe she knows more about things like this than you, regardless, she's my friend … a bit longer than you, by the way. And I want to hear what she has to say."

"No need to get shirty." Ron grumbled under his breath, but other than that no further protest.

Susan shot Harry a really winning smile and continued "Well, like I was saying, there are ALWAYS favorite students. As far as the professors go, there's been a long history of mostly trying to keep them evenly representing the Houses. And some of THEM take House loyalty more seriously than others. I dunno, though, something more than the old Gryffindor/Slytherin rivalry happened in there."

"I wouldn't spread rumors Susan." Cautioned Hermione.

To which the Hufflepuff shrugged "I don't. I write letters to my Aunt Amelia. 'See you lot later. I'm heading for Charms."

"What's special about that?" asked Hermione.

Ron gave a shrug, but Harry knew "She's Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. And if this is what we're in for, I'm all for Snape getting squashed."

 _So that concludes my first few classes at Hogwarts. Hannah offers her greetings. Hello from two Happy Hufflepuffs!_

 _Love_

 _Susan [heir presumptive] Bones_


	196. Chapter 196:Life & Times of DU

**Harry Does Different CXCVI**

From: Slytherin66

I wonder what becomes of Umbridge after the war when its clear she was wrong about Riddle and in fact would be considered a war criminal herself.

 **[a/n0]** A departure from the basic premise, but was fun to explore.

The Life and Times of Delores Umbridge

" _...she drafted an anti-werewolf legislation two years ago that makes it almost impossible for him [Lupin] to get a job._ " —Sirius Black

After leaving Hogwarts, Umbridge quickly rose to influential positions in the British Ministry of Magic. At the age of 17 (just after leaving Hogwarts) she started her political career as an intern in the Improper Use of Magic Office. Before reaching age 30, she became the Head of the Office, due to her ruthless tactics and tyrannical leadership under her sweet attitude, which also involved taking credit for other people's work[1]. This set up the beginning of her dubious career as a Ministry employee, one who tyrannises her subordinates while flattering her equals and her superiors.

She, being very opportunistic and power-hungry, was ashamed of her father, who was a low-level worker in the Department of Magical Maintenance, while she was seeking a professional career. Under her pressure, he retired early and she promised him a small monthly allowance in exchange for quietly leaving the public sight. From that point on she lied about her family, claiming that she was a pure-blood rather than a half-blood. She eventually became Senior Undersecretary to the Minister for Magic and had a place in the Wizengamot.[1]

Throughout her career, Dolores tried to garner affections of one of her superiors in order to advance her status and security, with no particular desire on which superior it would be, as long as he would be a powerful husband. However, while they valued her hard work and ambition, those who got to know her best found it very difficult to like her very much. Indeed, when she got intoxicated from a glass of sweet sherry, Dolores was prone to spout very uncharitable views, which shocked even those of anti-Muggle ideologies with some of her suggestions, behind closed doors, of the treatment that the non-magical community deserved. As such, Dolores never succeeded in getting married.[1]

Umbridge's hatred towards "half-breeds" led her to draft a piece of anti-werewolf legislation in 1993, which prevented people with lycanthrophy to have a full-time job, which made it nearly impossible for werewolves, such as Remus Lupin, to find work.[11] This act also made it easier for Lord Voldemort to recruit werewolves to his cause, preying on their treatment by the Ministry. In 1994, she also campaigned that the merpeople be rounded up and tagged, though this idea was scrapped due to it being too ludicrous to be put into effect.[12]

As Senior Under-Secretary to the Minister for Magic in 1995, Umbridge managed to claw her way up to power using Cornelius Fudge's increasing paranoia and insecurities to her advantage.[1] She also used her authority to intimidate Harry Potter during an interrogation before the Wizengamot. She was very outspoken against him and tried to discredit his claim that the only reason he cast a Patronus Charm was because of the presence of Dementors.

She said that the Dementors were under the control of the Ministry, and that it was preposterous that they would just happen to wander into a Muggle suburb and chance upon a wizard. She believed Harry should be punished for inadvertently violating the Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery. Owing to the fairness of Madam Bones and a majority ruling of the court, Harry was found innocent. Only Fudge, Umbridge, and roughly a half-dozen of the court voted for conviction. Harry was cleared of all charges, much to Umbridge's disappointment.[7]

" _The Ministry of Magic has always considered the education of young witches and wizards to be of vital importance...There again, progress for progress's sake must be discouraged, for our tried and tested traditions often require no tinkering... Let us move forward, then, into a new era of openness, effectiveness, and accountability, intent on preserving what ought to be preserved, perfecting what needs to be perfected, and pruning wherever we find practises that ought to be prohibited._ "

—Umbridge interrupts Albus Dumbledore's start-of-term speech

n 1995, Umbridge was placed at Hogwarts as the new Defence Against the Dark Arts professor, by order of the Ministry of Magic, under the terms of Educational Decree Number Twenty-Two, without Albus Dumbledore's consent. Her placement was to limit the learning of martial magic and allow the Ministry to monitor the activities at Hogwarts.

She taught according to a politically restricted Ministry-approved curriculum. This curriculum entailed learning strictly the theory of Defence Against the Dark Arts, with no practical applications. Umbridge taught exclusively from a simplistic book: _Defensive Magical Theory_ , by Wilbert Slinkhard, which seemed, based on the chapter headings, to concern itself with negotiation and appeasement of, rather than actual defence against, the Dark Arts. By teaching basic defensive theory as opposed to real spells that would prepare her students for the outside world, she and the Ministry hoped to decrease the chance that Dumbledore could form a wizard army of students

She steadfastly stuck to the Ministry line that Voldemort had not returned and that Harry Potter's claims were only to get attention for himself. When Harry dared to contradict the Ministry of Magic's stance, Umbridge punished him by giving him detention where he was forced to write the phrase " _I must not tell lies_ " repeatedly with a Black Quill; whatever the user wrote with it used their own blood as ink and sliced the words into their flesh, eventually leaving his hand permanently scarred.[7] Owing to her lack of teaching ability, obvious disrespect towards the school and its residents and her unwavering loyalty to Fudge, Umbridge quickly became a heavily disliked person by the overwhelming majority of students and teachers alike.

" _Having already revolutionised the teaching of_ _Defence Against the Dark Arts_ _, Dolores Jane Umbridge will, as_ _High Inquisitor_ _, have powers to address the seriously falling standards at_ _Hogwarts School_ _._ "

—Cornelius Fudge's bias regard of Dolores's teaching skills

Thanks to the newly passed Educational Decree Number Twenty-Eight, Umbridge replaced Dumbledore as Headmistress, but found herself on the receiving end of numerous pranks performed by Hogwarts students in an attempt to make her tenure difficult. Many of these were orchestrated by Fred and George Weasley, who led the resistance before Umbridge caught them, though they flew away on their brooms before she could have them whipped. Indeed, Hogwarts Castle itself seemed to join its inhabitants in making her life difficult, with Peeves the poltergeist (at Fred and George's request) spearheading the rebellion.

 **Umbridge** : " _Of course. Of course... very well, then... you two stay ahead of me._ "

 **Harry Potter** : " _Can we have your wand, then, if we're going first?_ "

 **Umbridge** : " _No, I don't think so, Mr Potter. The Ministry places a rather higher value on my life than yours, I'm afraid._ "

— Harry and Hermione leading Umbridge into the forest

She then claimed that the illegal Cruciatus Curse might " _loosen your [his] tongue_ ". Hermione, much in shock, protested against it, but Umbridge simply brushed her off and noted that what "Cornelius doesn't know, cannot hurt him." Desperate, Hermione tricked Umbridge into following her and Harry into the Forbidden Forest in search of an alleged "secret weapon" of the Order of the Phoenix. There, Umbridge was confronted by a herd of centaurs, whom she shamelessly insulted with racial slurs and arrogance. Umbridge then attacked one of the centaurs near her. She was chased and nearly killed by them. Although she survived, her wand was snapped in half when one of the centaurs stepped on it.

Muggle-Born Registration Commission

 **Alderton** : " _No, no, I'm half-blood, I tell you! My father was a wizard, he was, look him up, Arkie Alderton, he's a well known broomstick designer, look him up, I tell you — get your hands off me, get your hands off —_ "

 **Umbridge** : " _This is your final warning. If you struggle, you will be subjected to the_ _Dementor's Kiss_ _. Take him away._ " — Umbridge overseeing a biassed trial

Following Lord Voldemort's takeover of the Ministry of Magic in 1997, Umbridge resumed her post as Under-Secretary and oversaw the registration and persecution of Muggle-born witches and wizards. She conducted trials subjecting innocent Muggle-borns to the presence of Dementors and sending them to Azkaban for supposedly stealing magic from "real" witches and wizards. She also wrote the propaganda booklet _Mudbloods and the Dangers They Pose to a Peaceful Pure-Blood Society_ ,[8] which featured a cover including a rose being strangled by green weeds.

 **[a/n1]** Biography credit to /harrypotter fandom com& assorted HPOotP HPDH quotes

A grizzled Auror approached the mourning Weasleys and addressed the powerfully built black man "Shack I know what we've just been through, but this is only half the fight. We've got tons of You-Know-Who's people running around The Ministry, in Merlin know what positions."

"Still can't say a dead murderer's name?" sneered Harry. He had a fistful of Ginny's hair, while she sobbed into his right hip.

The Auror's wand didn't quite aim at him "Insolent boy. Sir? What are your orders?"

"I think we have little choice but to remove the bulk of those currently in power, including …I fear… Pius." The big Auror looked full of regret.

Harry steeled himself and said "Right, Kingsley. Ready when you are."

"No more, please!" Ginny hic-cough-sobbed.

Shacklebolt gave the young girl who'd just lost a brother a pitying look and squeezed the shoulder of the boy comforting her "No son. You did your part. More. What WE should have done before you were born. You are EXACTLY where you need to be. Sonorus! NOW HEAR THIS. I AM GOING TO NEED EVERY ABLE-BODIED WITCH AND WIZARD. FOR ALL YOUR SAFETY I WANT EVERY DEATH EATER, REGARDLESS OF CONDITION, BOUND WITH MAGICAL SUPPRESSORS. ONCE DONE, MUSTER TO ME, HERE. I'LL NEED AN EXACT COUNT OF PRISONERS. WE'LL LEAVE GUARDS. PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL WILL BE IN CHARGE. AS MANY CAPABLE AND WILLING WILL BE APPARATING WITH ME TO RETAKE OUR MINISTRY FROM THE REGIME THAT HAS DARKENED IT FOR TOO LONG. WE LEAVE IN TEN MINUTES!"

Devastated himself, and barely holding together an inconsolable Ginny, Harry would not learn of the bloodshed until the arrival of an owl carrying an issue of The Quibbler almost two days later. The Battle of London lacked the vast fireworks quality of The Battle of Hogwarts, but the resulting building collapses very nearly caused the exposure of the Wizarding World. Minister Thicknesse was arrested, and upon discovering his possession by a marked Death Eater, was removed from office.

What came out during the trial of Delores Umbridge nearly destroyed Wizarding Britain. He had indirectly supported her, only his fighting at the Battle of Hogwarts, plus his name and family connections earned him a place as court cryer. Percy Weasley's voice trembled as he announced "All rise for the Honorable Susan Amelia Bones. The War Crimes Tribunal is now in session."

"AH!" came from the defendant's seat, then a scramble and the bouncing of the chair "I do not recognize that child's authority of me! I am THE SENIOR UNDERSECRETARY TO THE RIGHTFUL MINISTER! **OUCH**! HOW **DARE** YOU?"

Susan settled herself in the raised judge's bench and paused while the defendant struggled to remain seated while continuously getting jolts of moderately painful magic. Eventually, with not a hint of a smile, the barely out of school judge nodded "You may all be seated. The cryer will read the indictment."

"The accused will rise." Ordered Percy. He couldn't help wincing as the chair zapped her again until she was simply unable to remain seated "Delores Jane Umbridge is hereby accused of 709 counts of abuse of power, 622 counts of ordering assaults, **SILENCE**! 447 counts of false imprisonment, 366 counts of Second Degree Grievous Bodily Harm, 299 counts of Second Degree Murder, **SILENCE**! 188 of which by illegal Kiss. 62 counts of illegal wand snapping **SILENCE**! 49 counts of illegal use of a Blood Quill, including 6 counts on minors. Lastly and most seriously Crimes Against Humanity, Crimes Against Muggleborns, Crimes of Apartheid and Genocide and Attempted **SILENCE**! Genocide."

 **[a/n2]** Some liberal paraphrasing of the Nuremberg charges

Judge Bones allowed the audience free reign for exactly a minute before her wand flash-banged and she announced harshly "The court will now hear the accused's plea."

"I do not recog—OW! Hem-hem! That OW!" everything the prisoner tried to say was cut off by jolts of pain.

The classmates of the Susan Bones who was a cute little girl redhaired starting Hogwarts barely recognized her in the jurist. Adults remarked to each other, very quietly, how she was a harsher version of her Aunt Amelia. In flat tones the judge ruled "That is a GG50 fine. The accused will stand, respectfully enter a plea, and the trial will commence. If the accused fails to comply a further contempt charge will be added with additional fines. If the accused's defiance persists a summary conviction on all charges will result. Now, how does the accused plead?"

"I think I get the point." Snarled Delores, loathing the situation she was in.

Judge Bones looked down at her and ruled "I don't think you do. That is a further GG250 fine. The next words out of your mouth will be 'Guilty' or 'Not Guilty'. If I hear anything other than 'Guilty' or 'Not Guilty' we can skip right to the sentencing phase. -AHH!- I don't want to hear you so much as clear your throat, that _hem!hem!_ thing was plain annoying. Now… and for the LAST time… how does the accused plead?"

"Not Guilty." Snapped Delores, and to all outward appearance dignified took her seat. This time there were no magical jolts.

Her attorney stood "Your Honor, Robert Coltrane for the defense, I wish the record to show my objection to the court's treatment of my client. We are ready to proceed."

"Your objection is noted, Mr. Coltrane." Judge Bones acknowledged "Madam Prosecutor?"

A tall, thin woman stood "Fiona Shaw, Your Honor. Ma'am, the court heard the tremendous volume of charges. While every single charge represents a real personal tragedy, for the court to hear about EVERY single incident would literally take months. Having discussed the matter with all the victims, the consensus was for everyone to submit a scroll of their suffering-"

"That is ALLEGED." Coltrane inserted.

Shaw nodded "My opponent's point is taken. The scrolls detail each of the prosecution's allegations. A single representative victim of a particular _alleged_ crime will testify in court. Under veratiserum."

"Your Honor, I must object." Coltrane stood and protested "For unsworn documents to become a potential factor in determining my client's future is a violation-"

Shaw interjected "In deference to my learned opponent, the prosecution is able …and every witness is willing … to come, be sworn, and testify. I have 2,019 scrolls. At an optimistic ten witnesses per day, we might conclude by Christmas. If things go slowly, Christmas next year is possible."

"That is completely outside the realm of my client's right to speedy trial." Protested Coltrane. "I demand bail be set."

From the gallery, Harry called out "Like my Godfather got?"

"That is quite enough! Mr. Potter, this court acknowledges your contribution to our world, but that gratitude does not extend to interrupting trials. Please remember that." Susan's words to her former classmate were harsher than her tone. Then to the defense and lectured "Mr. Coltrane, you and I both know no bail will be set. The charges are such that your client will either be cleared…completely… or at the VERY least spend the rest of her life in Azkaban."

"Impudent child." Sneered Delores, and she jumped up with a yelp.

To which, the judge commented "The accused is well aware of proper court etiquette and will continue to be subject to _reminders_ until she behaves appropriately." There was a ripple of amusement which she ignored.

"The prosecution calls Harry Potter!" announced Shaw.

Coltrane immediately stood "Your Honor! I protest! Extreme prejudice against my client."

"You would object similarly were I to call Mr. Ollivander or Gwenog Jones?" countered Shaw.

Coltrane changed tactics "Personal bias. Your Honor was the witness' classmate."

"Indeed I was." Acknowledged Susan "I can remember a couple Potions brews we did together over the years. Mr. Potter helped me, Neville Longbottom and a couple others with First Year Flying. I was part of a group Mr. Potter tutored in Defense Against the Dark Arts. I am undoubtedly not recalling EVERY interaction. Feel free to subpoena my Hogwarts records for comparison."

The defense attorney looked disgruntled but nodded, then whispered to his client "Madam Umbridge indicates we have nothing to fear from what Mr. Potter might say. Additionally, she endorses the notion presented by the prosecutor. As she puts it, _the sooner I am cleared the better_."

"How's it go? Fool for a client?" quipped Harry as he took the stand. And gave a grin when the judge hid a laugh with a cough.

Susan cautioned "This is a courtroom, Mr. Potter."

"Yes, Your Honor." Acknowledged Harry before being sworn in.

Shaw stood and began "Good Morning, Mr. Potter. When discussing your testimony, I made it clear you could only swear to either what happened to you personally or what you personally eyewitnessed. I acknowledge the value of what you feel when your friends shared their stories, but YOU can NOT swear to what they tell you. To begin, Judge Bones mentioned it, you taught Defense Against the Dark Arts?"

"Unofficially, you might say." Answered Harry with a nod.

Shaw added "You might say that. Others might not say that. Why do you say that?"

"None of the professors sponsored or participated in it. Actually none authorized it." Answered Harry "It was started, organized and run by students. By a group vote, I was the leader."

The prosecutor dramatically looked around the packed courtroom before continuing "And why did you, a half-educated wizard, feel the need to go outside the classroom to learn a subject taught at Hogwarts?"

"Because the so-called professor hired to teach us couldn't and wouldn't." not only were the words accusatory, but the tone was openly hostile. Nor was there any doubt as to the target.

The defendant reacted furiously to the response, screaming "INSUBORDINANT BRAT! HOW DARE YOU IMPUGN MY TEACHING? YOU DID NOTHING BUT UNDERMINE MY AUTHORITY!" Delores leapt over the defense table, spilling assorted scrolls onto the floor. Three stunners intersected and she landed among the pile.

"Your Honor, I request a recess to allow my client time to recover?" Coltrane petitioned.

Judge Bones shook her head "Denied Mr. Coltrane. Your client is benefitting from your able representation and will continue to receive that regardless of her presence in the courtroom. A Healer will assist your client and medically authorize her return. Prior to that, you will inform Madam Umbridge that she is fined GG1000 for her outburst. And that higher fines will be imposed for future outbursts. Madam Prosecutor, your questions?"

Shaw nodded "Thank you, Your Honor. Mr. Potter, people would argue a student has no place determining the qualifications of a professor. What, in your opinion, said the defendant was inadequate as a teacher?"

"To start with, her textbook Defensive Magical Theory was horrible." Replied Harry "The beginning of it Chapter One: "Basics for Beginners" While I admit it would've been useful to an incoming First Year Muggleborn, to anyone above that, it's useless."

While the defense attorney scratched furiously on a scroll, the prosecutor continued "Now, Mr. Potter, there is a difference between unwilling and unable. Can you show where Madam Umbridge refused to teach her subject?"

"My friend Hermione Granger was the first to question that there would be no active using of spells. Umbridge's response was that learning the theory is enough to pass an OWL. You can't do that. Theory is fine, but you have to USE a spell to get it right. It's like – the best magical cook I know is Molly Weasley. Why? You ask? I've seen her cooking from the minute I get up to the time I goto bed." Harry testified. He grinned knowing he was earning points.

Making only a quick note, Shaw asked "Right. Moving on, can you offer instances where the defendant victimized you in abusing her power?"

"After a Quidditch game she banned myself, Fred and George Weasley from ever playing Quidditch for the rest of our lives. And she, personally, stole my broom. I didn't get it back all year. She abolished all student organizations when Fudge gave her the Inquisitor job, and allowed almost all of them to _reform_ as she called it … except for the Gryffindor Quidditch Team … that only after we missed five games, losing us ANY chance for The Cup." Harry was increasingly agitated during his reply.

Susan intervened, asking "Does the witness require a break? _Aquamenti frigia_!"

"No, and thank you for the water Your Honor." Replied Harry, letting the almost icy drink calm him "Go ahead Miss Shaw."

The prosecutor approached, slowly, and signaled to her opponent to do the same. At last, ordering, kindly "Harry, I want you to show the court the back of your right hand. And I would ask, for absolute fairness, that Mr. Coltrane describe for the record exactly what he sees."

"I do not see the point in this, Your Honor." The defense attorney protested, but complied after a look from Susan "I see a pattern of scars. They appear to say I MUST NOT TELL LIES."

Shaw nodded "I thank my opponent. And thank you Harry, make sure the judge sees … thank you… Would you tell us how you got those scars?"

"Umbridge had me in detention for saying Voldemort was back in class. She told me to write lines with a quill that didn't need ink. I wrote – it pulled blood from me and the words appeared." Harry testified, holding in his anger until finished, then he punched his knee.

Shaw was done, she gestured as she walked back to her seat "Your witness."

"You openly and repeatedly defied a professor, correct Mr. Potter?" Coltrane went immediately on the offensive.

Harry stiffened in the witness chair and shot back "She called me a liar. All the time. Turns out she was the liar, huh?"

"Your Honor, please order the witness to answer the question asked." The defense countered.

Susan had little choice under the circumstances, though her tone was regretful "Harry, you must answer what the attorney asked."

"I'm proud I defied her. So Y-E-S!" Harry spat.

Coltrane gave a triumphant smirk "Indeed. Before taking Mr. Potter too seriously, I would consider his disciplinary record. Seems he has a LONG history of disrespect to professors. I took the liberty of obtaining both his Hogwarts and Muggle school records. I can start with Little Whining Elementary 1st Grade … for us that converts to age 6. Harry Potter kicked Gym Teacher Lipshitz in the knee when said teacher pulled him off one Piers Polkiss. There are literally dozens of such incidents. Then coming here, you brought your dislike for authority to Hogwarts. You cost Gryffindor points in the first minutes of your Potions class. And that only began your history of discipline that merely came to a head with Professor Umbridge."

"If you wanna talk about Little Whining, bring my relatives here and give them veratiserum." Harry shot back angrily "Dudley and his gang were a bunch of schoolyard bullies. As for Snape, he hated me because I looked like my father. I think our judge lost all the points she did in Potions only because she had the misfortune of sitting next to my best friend!"

Susan looked thoughtful, clearly reviewing her own memories, however "The court will accept your exhibit, Mr. Coltrane. And give it due consideration. Please move on."

"This group you created" the defense attorney didn't stop "you called it Dumbledore's Army, I believe. A seditious group intended to overthrow the Minister."

There Susan interjected "I can testify to the fallacy of that accusation as a member."

"As Your Honor says." Acknowledged Coltrane "Though I reserve the right to revisit this subject if new evidence presents itself. Perhaps we can touch on Professor Umbridge's skill as a teacher. Ministry records show a 9% increase over previous years, in all Defense Against the Dark Arts tests, OWL and NEWT included. I submit those records as evidence. I am finished with this witness."

Abcij

After swearing in the eighth witness of the trial on morning of the third day, court cryer Percy Weasley asked "Please state your name and occupation for the record."

"Minerva McGonagall, Headmistress, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry." The imposing witch, who everyone knew introduced herself.

The prosecutor gave a respectful half-bow and began "Can you briefly sketch for us your qualifications, Headmistress."

"I graduated Hogwarts in 1950 with NEWTs in Transfiguration, DADA and Herbology, further OWLs in History of Magic, Potions, Flying and COMC. I initially worked as a civilian in the DLME, but teaching was my passion. By 1954 I was an associate professor under Albus Dumbledore, teaching the First and Second Years. It was anticipated I would be fully prepared to assume full responsibility for the entire curriculum when Headmaster Dippet retired and Professor Dumbledore became Headmaster. I taught, becoming Head of Gryffindor in 1971 and Deputy Headmistress in 1985." And she concluded her extended answer with a pleased grunt.

Shaw thanked her and went on "It is safe to call you an expert in the education of Magical children. Looking at school records and from your own recollection, what kind of student was Delores Umbridge?"

"Low end of average." Replied McGonagall "She graduated with a NEWT in History of Magic and OLWs in DADA, Potions and Muggle Studies. I quote from Professor Slughorn _Delores might do better in class except she is too focused on advancement not yet earned. She is not above sexual advances, which I had to chastise her for based on a report by Head Boy James Potter. Her counter-complaint that it was based on her status as a Halfblood, I discredited, pointing out Mr. Potter's ONLY love interest is Muggleborn_. As Mr. Potter's Head of House I forwarded the initial complaint, with the recommendation it be a private reprimand. Mr. Potter's major concern was the age difference and his budding relationship with the future Lily Potter."

The multiple _hem-hems_ which had been disregarded during her reply was finally acknowledged by Susan "Mr. Coltrane, has your client a question?"

"Not at this time You Honor." he replied. "I apologize for the disturbance and will speak to her." And took to whispering.

Though she'd heard it before Shaw was still shocked "A colorful record to say the least. How about your experience with Madam Umbridge as a colleague?"

"Hogwarts has a reputation as the premier Magical school in Britain." Minerva said proudly "You get that by hiring the best educators. Certainly a NEWT in their subject, an O preferably. Madam Umbridge achieved an A in the Defense OWL. I certainly would not hire her with that grade. And how can a person with NO teaching experience credibly evaluate the teaching abilities of others, while still teaching a subject she is unqualified to teach? If you can't teach, how can you run a school?"

Shaw was satisfied "Thank you, Headmistress. Your witness Mr. Coltrane."

"Is it fair to say you had a negative opinion of my client as a student?" he asked.

Minerva shook her head "Not in the sense you mean. Delores COULD have done well had she applied herself, and not try to scheme her way to importance."

"And there we get to the professional jealousy." Coltrane all but cackled "She took the spot you wanted!"

The Headmistress locked eyes and stared down harshly "Mr. Coltrane, I would be - strike that - if Headmaster Dumbledore were still alive, I would not be seeking promotion. He left VERY large shoes to fill and I can only hope to do as well. Your client besmirches the title."

"In your opinion." Declared the defense attorney, looking unhappy.

Abcij

The prosecutor rose at the start of the afternoon session of the fifth day of Delores Umbridge's trial called the twenty-second witness "Arkie Alderton to the stand."

"Objection! Highly prejudicial!" Mr. Coltrane complained loudly, because the witness approached accompanied by what was little more than a walking corpse.

Everyone in the courtroom was rather repulsed by the sight. Judge Bones did order "Madam Prosecutor, this hearing is not a drama. Explain the presence of that … creature." She couldn't help the look of disgust that wasn't half what many of the spectators had.

"It was not my intention to offend, Your Honor." Fiona did not exactly apologize "Mr. Alderton, I know this was impossibly difficult for you. Please, identify your companion."

Arkie nodded while choking back a sob "Mrs. Shaw, this is my son, Donald Alderton. Up until 1997, he was the future of Alderton Brooms. We supply broomsticks to all the major flying manufacturers. In perhaps a couple decades, I planned to retire to an advisory position and allow Donald to take over. That won't happen now."

"Please tell us, exactly, what happened to Donald and how you found out." Shaw probed.

Wiping away a tear, the man continued "It was St. Valentine's day 1998, I was romancing the Mrs. with a special meal there was a knock at the door. A trio of very intimidating Aurors presented Donald as he is now, handed me the Kiss order from the Muggle-Born Registration Commission signed by _that woman_ , also handing me a copy of Mudbloods and the Dangers They Pose to a Peaceful Pure-Blood Society, pardon my language. They then shoved my poor Donald into the house and disapparated."

"You do not support the findings of your Ministry?" demanded Coltrane, speaking out of turn "While not part of the aristocracy, your family has been certified Pureblood."

Mr. Alderton sneered at the defense attorney "That didn't protect my son! So I guess being Pureblood doesn't mean all that much, does it?"

"SEDITION!" screamed Umbridge, who was forced down into her seat.

Abcij

The last…on the ninth day… was a pair of witnesses, which Coltrane protested "I object, Your Honor! There is no precedent allowing two people on the stand simultaneously!"

"Katie, show the judge." Ordered the young man and the girl stepped close to bench, opening her mouth wide, displaying her lack of a tongue "I am Kevin Entwhistle, my sister Catharine can't speak. Obviously. We're the only survivors of a family of ten. Our parents and all our brothers and sisters were sent to Azkaban by the Muggle-Born Registration Commission, specifically HER, for the crime of _stealing magic_. That's even though we're Purebloods. The real reason she did it was because my father refused her sexual advances and reported them, thus slowing her advancement. Katie saw our brother murdered by Azkaban guards, we never saw any of our sisters. They felt my right arm was useful to experiment on and sawed it off. It still somehow hurts. Katie's tongue was literally ripped out, to silence her lies, we were told. No one could quite bring themselves to kill a 6 year old girl."

Coltrane had to go on the offensive "How do you know my client had anything to do with what you claim?"

"Claim?" snarled Kevin "You want to relive them ripping out Katie's tongue? Anyone got a pensieve?" he picked up his sister and held her tight.

Coltrane persisted "Regardless, where is ANY evidence my client had anything to do with what happened in Azkaban?"

"If you can't connect the dots, you're dumber than you look." Kevin started for the exit, but was physically blocked by Umbridge "My sister has seen enough death, but for you I'll make an exception."

Susan ordered "Aurors, return the accused to her seat. For the record, Mr. Entwhistle, the court offers its condolences for your losses. That said, the court frowns on death threats."

"Judge" Kevin turned haunted eyes to the bench "there's nothing you could do to us that hasn't already been done worse. We came to tell our story. We're now done."

Coltrane was not pleased "Your Honor! I DEMAND he be sanctioned for insulting me! I have additional questions and DEMAND the Aurors return him to the stand. BY FORCE IF NECESSARY!"

Judge Bones gave no such enforcement order and no Auror moved to prevent the young Entwhistles departing.

Abcij

There was a lengthy list of defense witnesses, most of which backed the Pureblood agenda that led to Voldemort's rise in the first place. Some of whom were serving lengthy sentences for Death Eater activity. On day 38 and after the 144th defense witness, a very bored Judge Bones complained "Mr. Coltrane, we have heard little testimony that is new … or different … in over two weeks. I have twice overruled Madam Shaw's objection to ongoing proceedings. Enough is enough. Court will break for lunch until two. After which I will hear a closing argument - not to exceed five minutes - from each side. Then the case will be in recess until I am prepared to rule. And no, Madam Umbridge, I will not authorize bail. Aurors, return the accused to holding."

"You look tapped out, Sue." Said a kindly voice when she entered and elevator.

Falling into the school familiarity, the judge sighed "You have no idea, Harry." Then she stiffened and became utterly formal "My apologies for not appearing at your swearing in Auror Potter."

"Judge Bones I-" he began, at first taking great offense, then his posture and tone relaxed "Proceed to your destination, Your Honor, I will exit. A report of this interaction will be on Head Auror Robards' desk within the hour." During the eighteen seconds it took for the elevator to reach a stop, the former classmates did not so much as look at each other. Harry left without a word.

Abcij

Coltrane's argument for his client's innocence could at least be called thorough "Your Honor, this is clearly a case of manufactured evidence against Madam Umbridge. Forgive my lack of recall, it was so long ago, but the prosecution listed nearly FOUR THOUSAND charges. Nobody could harm that many people on their own. To hold an appointed jurist responsible for atrocities committed in Azkaban is the height of unfairness. Your Honor, herself, would risk similar charges at a future date. And consider that a great many Ministry officials were forced to do unfortunate things to protect themselves, or their families, during the rule of He-Who-Must-Not-Be Named. Lastly, with due respect to Your Honor, I would like to register my concern about her impartiality … especially in light of the reported encounter between yourself and a key prosecution witness."

"Your closing, Madam Prosecutor?" asked Susan, as she offered an acknowledgement to the defense.

Fiona nodded, first to Coltrane "My learned opponent" then the judge "Your Honor, before us today is one of the worst cases of abuse of power this century. Going to her childhood, young Delores sought power for its own sake. She attempted to seduce a Hogwarts Head Boy. It is worth noting the primary target of her later abuse when named as a professor and later High Inquisitor, was the son of that same Head Boy. Moving away from Harry Potter, please bear in mind for every witness I brought to the stand I have at least fifty who were content to submit a written statement. We would not be halfway through the prosecution even now, had we gone that route. I can assure Your Honor she need not be concerned about prosecution unless it can be proven she have a direct personal link to a convict, who is then also connected to an Azkaban guard she has bribed to specifically torment said prisoner. In Madam Umbridge's case, this is over a hundred such counts. Did you, by chance, attempt to seduce a Head Boy when you were 13?"

There was a ripple of laughter, even from Judge Bones.

Then she continued "It is a judge's duty to see justice done, not merely to enforce laws. He or she must use judgement to see an unjust law is not enforced. Certainly a law saying Muggleborns stole magic from a deserving witch or wizard is not merely unjust but impossible. Madam Umbridge does not even have the old _I followed the law_ argument as a defense. She used her position and the unjust laws enacted by the Dark Lord's puppet to take revenge on political opponents and personal enemies. She should not only be found guilty, Delores Umbridge should be punished to the maximum extent allowed. Thank you."

If the explosion of applause was any indication, the accused would have been summarily executed.

Abcij

"I thank the public for its patience." Judge Bones began her speech "I spent the past two weeks reading the transcript of all sworn testimony. I also read, entirely at random, an additional hundred scrolls of written accounts. The accused will rise for judgment."

Madam Umbridge shook her head "I will do nothing of the sort you trumped up strumpet! OWWW!"

"Auror, you may use the _Imperius_ on the accused. You may only compel her to stand." And when this was accomplished, to the baited amazement of onlookers, she resumed "Delores Jane Umbridge, this court finds you guilty on ALL counts." Now standing herself and donning a ceremonial red, blue, green and yellow magical hat "The easiest sentence to hand out is, in some ways, a death sentence. It certainly satisfies the human desire for vengeance. A number of your victims asked for something less than the death penalty. This, from no one particular suggestion, but I find it fitting. Delores Umbridge, hear now justice from The Founders. You shall never leave Azkaban alive."

The full courtroom booed. Loudly.

"Silence!" ordered the judge in an iron tone "You are additionally sentenced to receive all the memories of your victims. Those willing may contribute pensieve memories any of the experiences they had while imprisoned or otherwise under Madam Umbridge's authority."

In general, the spectators were less than happy with the judge. It would be some time before this seeming softness was seen for the harsh punishment it truly was. Once the process was firmly established, it became the new standard for Criminal Justice.

July 31, 2019, Azkaban Prison, 2PM

"Judge Bones, pleasure to see you, even in this miserable place." Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, Harry Potter greeted his longtime associate, and dear friend, with an embrace.

Susan was married, but to a Muggle, and even had she wed a wizard, her family name was too important so she maintained it … as did her wizard son. She hugged him back as affectionately, observing "Of all days to bring you out here. Don't you have better things to do?"

"Ginny said she better not be faking." Chuckled Harry "Or she'll finish her for messing with my birthday."

She gave a snort "Typical." Then turned to their host "Mr. Diggory, good to see you again."

"Susan honestly! I am Amos to you. You're busy putting me out of a job and I couldn't be more delighted." Said the warden. After losing his son in the TriWizard Tournament, the man had so solidly endorsed the new justice system, the posting was just a natural. He wasn't especially fond of the younger man who was his boss, he just nodded curtly "Mr. Potter."

Harry wasn't unaware of the man's feelings, he was just at a point in life where he could simply return the greeting "Good Afternoon, Mr. Diggory, shall we see the body? And while I'm here, please give me the quarterly report."

"This way." The warden indicated, and spoke as he walked "It took a few weeks, as you may recall, for the transferred memories to make an impression. Sometimes she seemed completely unaffected. Others, she just cried. The last couple weeks, she wasn't eating regularly, had to force feed her. This morning, she didn't come out for breakfast. The guard, fairly new man, found her. She hung herself using the cot and her sheet. We're looking into how to prevent future suicides. Umbridge is the second lifer to die this quarter. Mulciber was sentenced before Susan's brilliant idea, prison terms just aren't good for people. Here's the body."

Harry flipped down the sheet and studied it "She didn't age well, but I remember her never being pretty." He commented and went on "Those lines, and all that grey. That expression. There is a part of me that … just looking at her, brings back all the hate. But you can just tell."

"I know what you mean, Harry." Said Susan, picking up on the thought "Crime is way down, and still dropping. In a way, I suppose, we owe it to her."

Amos put in "I would say, more to you. What you did all those years ago. Still wet behind the ears. People didn't want to experience the effect of their crimes.

"Well, warden. I guess you can go ahead and bury her here. The usual prisoner provisions." Harry said.

Susan gave him a kindly push on the shoulder and told him "Go on. Get out of here. Enjoy your birthday. I'll talk to _The Prophet_. Merlin! I hope Xeno shows up instead."


	197. Chapter 197: ABM by Valandar

**Harry Does Different CXCVII**

A Better Man by Valandar

Vernon changed in the beginning to be a better man, thanks to a wish. How will this affect Harry, and the entire Wizarding World?

 **[a/n]** My twist on another fanfic. It redeems Vernon on a 2nd goaround. My version? Well, take a guess. 1st Chapter quoted

 **[a/n0]** Lookout for assorted guests and walkons to lighten some.

Of the many reactions to the death of Vernon Dursley, Harry Potter's reaction was expected only by the rare few who understood him.

Petunia Dursley wailed and moaned as if the world had ended. Dudley Dursley stared wide-eyed all around, only occasionally stammering anything to those who asked about him. Aunt Marge 'tut-tutted', and laid the blame for the man's death on 'undesireable elements' in society.

But Harry Potter, nephew to the man, could only find in himself indifference. And relief. For Vernon Dursley, his uncle and for many long years the only male role model he had, was one of the greatest sources of fear, resentment, and abuse in his life.

The funeral was held on a blustering March day, in a cemetary not far from Little Whinging. Of course, it was hidden from view, as such a macabre place would not be good for everyone to see as they passed in and out, going on with their industrious little lives.A large number of people from the neighborhood showed up, just to say they were there and to 'show their support' to the widowed Petunia and her precious Duddykins. Most beleived that he had died in an attempted mugging while on a cigarette break at work.

The truth was he had been slain by a rogue Death Eater. A dark wizard. Less than two months before, the very same Harry potter mentioned above had destroyed the last horcrux which anchored the darkest wizard in history to life, and the Second Wizarding War was all over except the cleanup.

For you see, Harry Potter was a wizard, too. He was a legend, at first 'The Boy Who Lived', and then later 'The Chosen One'. He had defeated Voldemort the Dark Lord not once, but twice - the first time as an infant, this second and more recent time at the age of seventeen. With Voldemort dead, the dark wizards who followed him had scattered to the four winds. Some tried to go back to lives they had left, while others clung to the torture and depravity that had been part of their lives for so long. It was one of the latter that had killed Vernon Dursley for the crime of harboring Harry Potter since the death of his birth parents.

If the Death Eater had known in what manner the 'esteemed' Mr Dursley had sheltered Harry Potter, he likely would not have killed the man, but instead cheered him and rewarded him. For Vernon -hated- Harry, and everything that he represented, specifically the Wizarding World. He abused, starved, and virtually tortured Harry in an attempt to 'squash' the magic out of him. But instead, the magic awoke, and brought the Boy Who Lived to one of the two places he would consider home in his heart - Hogwarts School for Wizardry and Witchcraft.

Harry watched as the various 'mourners' said their platitudes to his Aunt Petunia and cousin Dudley. He also noticed Petunia's eyes drying remarkably swift after the last one left, and only he, and the two Dursleys, remained. Steeling himself, he walked over to her.

As she opened her mouth, probably to hiss at him, blame him for his uncle's death, or who knows what, he silenced both her and his cousin with a wave of his wand. "Don't start. Either of you. I just want to tell you this is the last you will ever see of me. And don't scowl at me. You have what you wanted - he had a rather large life insurance policy, which will support you and allow you to coddle Duddykins for many years to come.

"I just came over here to tell you that the years and months of my life spent in your house were torture. You would bray about 'supporting me', but you never spent a dime you didn't have to. I got the drippings from the table, and the clothes that would otherwise have been thrown out. You kept me in a cupboard... A CUPBOARD! For nearly ten years. You would starve me, beat me, and spit on me. And when I started going to school, when the bruises would show, you let Dudders here beat me, and just blame it on roughousing.

"I despise you, Aunt Petunia. And I pity you, Dudley. And Vernon... wherever he is... I can only wish he had been a better man. That is something I pray with all my heart." With that, Harry Potter turned on his heel, and left the Muggle world forever.

zzzzzzz

The spirit of Vernon Dursley appeared to be a much younger and fitter man than he had been on his death. In fact, he took the form he had when he had been most proud of himself - at the age of twenty, and fresh from the rugby team at college. However, that brought him no pride, as he beheld the scene in front of him.

You see, the scene was Hell.

Being a bit of a literal sort, the Hell that he saw was a classical one - mountains of sulphur and brimstone pits, torturing the damned in an infinite variety of ways. He, himself, had not yet been consigned to these pits, but had been allowed to wait until his own funeral had completed.

One of the aspects of being dead that added to the true horror of Hell was knowledge. The damned finally understood the evil they had caused, the pain, and the torment. And for many that in and of itself was enough. For Vernon, he may not have been in the pits, but looking at Harry and knowing what he had done to the noble young man was torment enough.

"Well, seems you're not even a success at being evil," chortled one imp guarding him. "Couldn't even break the spirit of a little boy, could you!"

"Silence," snorted a demon behind Vernon. "Let us see what the boy will say to his only remaining blood relatives."

As they listened, the deceased man's soul winced with every accusing word. He quailed, for every single word was true. He despaired, knowing the harm he had done could not be repaid in a lifetime.

However, the moment Harry uttered his final wish, a shockwave seemed to pass through Vernon, the imp, and the demon. The infernals' faces paled, and Vernon merely looked around in confusion. "Wha... what was that?" he stammered.

The demon fixed the shade with a glare. "That, mortal... is your chance at redemption. We are summoned before the Grey."

zzzzzzz

The Grey was a vast, grey curtain in the deepest pit of hell. Flanked by twin monstrosities that Vernon could not look directly at for fear of losing his sanity, it shimmered and waved in a nonexistant wind. The imp had fled upon learning of their destination, so Vernon stood beside his demon guide, staring into the misty expanse of the Grey. "What... what do I do?" he asked.

The demon snorted. "You walk through. Anything you need to know will be known to you then."

Vernon swallowed hard. He had never been a brave man, just a blustering one. The unknown terrified him, but the known, in this case, terrified him even more. He took a deep breath...

... and stepped through.

 **abcij**

Vernon Dursley became fully aware of his surroundings and was quickly able to identify where and when he was. It was the morning of November 1, 1981 and he was in the kitchen of #4 Privet Dr. This was the instant that landed him on the path that led to the pit of brimstone. With his memories, he could make some small adjustments that would change his destiny. And it would start with the occupant of the basinet on his kitchen table. If Vernon ACTED like he actually liked his nephew then everyone would believe in the loving Dursley family, and if his act was good enough he would make it true to himself.

"Mama! Dada!" 15-month old Harry Potter started out of a sound sleep. To his young mind, something wasn't quite right. In a way, this was the same as when his parents left home for a strange place. But this was even stranger. To the large face he gurgled "Who you? Where Mama Dada?"

' _Demanding little brat'_ Vernon almost snarled out loud, his first test. The burly, but decidedly unfat man was pleased with himself. He reached into the basinet and as softly as he could explained "I'm your Uncle Vernon, Auntie Petunia is getting your Cousin Dudley. Then we'll all have a nice breakfast together."

"Unca Vern… Ahhn Tuney… Kuz Duddy." Said Harry, smiling, proud of himself. But he hadn't forgotten "Dada? Mama?"

Almost grinning at the boy's quick intelligence, Vernon then frowned thinking ' _stubborn'_ But he told the toddler just what adults usually tell children too young to understand "They had to go away for a bit. You are going to stay with us. You'll like it here. Annnnnd here they are! Right on time!"

"Dear, I thought we were going to beat the you-know-what out of him." Petunia didn't quite whisper to her husband.

Another moment he had to repress his true wish "No, luv. That's the wrong way to handle this. Harry and Dudley will be brothers. What one gets, the other gets. When Dudley does well in school, we reward him, the same goes for Harry. If either does poorly, yes, we punish him … but we correct it. That is the kind of parents we'll be."

"I see." The less than beautiful woman holding her pudgy boy was taken aback by the curt instruction, she tightened her arms around the 2-year old "You truly intend to be harsh with Duddikins?"

Vernon nodded firmly "Absolutely. If the situation warrants it. And I'll expect you to do likewise. A slap on the bottom or a bit of red pepper now will keep them out of jail, or worse, in future. We'll discuss this more. For now, breakfast."

"Brekkie!" came from the bouncing in the basinet "Eggie?"

It was already getting easier for Vernon, that brought a smile "Right Harry. Have you had bacon before?"

"Bacon!" enthused the new arrival "Yummy!"

The sudden brightness was infectious, Petunia put a still drowsy Dudley in his highchair and bustled over the stove while announcing "Bacon and eggs for four." Soon, the pleasing odors of cooking filled the kitchen. And just a few minutes later, plates full of breakfast were waiting for the adults to feed the boys.

"Good thing today is Friday." Said Vernon "I can call out, explain the situation to Mr. Grunning. We'll go out and get another highchair. We can probably use some of Dudley's old clothes. For now, ahhh…. Some pillows will make one for breakfast." He brought several from the living room. It seemed all Vernon's old life's hostility to his nephew was suppressed. Once the makeshift seat was ready, he held out his hands over the table.

Petunia, complying reluctantly with her changed husband, and suppressing her own reluctance to even touch ' _you-know-what'_ took her nephew from his basinet.

What neither Dursley knew is that Harry developed a minor stomach virus, nothing serious, just the usual, a bit of spitting up and diarrhea. A night sleeping in the basket and all morning left a thorough mess in toddler Harry's diaper. It was quite full and THAT was the moment he crunched up his face, cutting loose. The diaper simply couldn't handle any more, the tape gave way and the whole mess fell all over the wonderful smelling breakfast. Well Harry just thought that was the funniest thing, he squealed gayly "POOPIIIIEEEEE!"

"Bloody idiot boy!" Vernon snarled in a blind rage. He slammed his nephew, not on the heavy wood table, but straight through it. Petunia fainted. Dudley woke at the noise and began crying, not knowing why. The sight was a horrible mess when Vernon's rage faded. Food mixed with Harry's waste, topped with Harry's broken body. The police listened with a doubtful look "It … the boy… our orphaned nephew. So sad really, the Mrs' sister. Of course, we were glad to take him in. Just arrived last night. We had a nice breakfast all prepared and the little lad- well Tuney was passing him to me. It was just a horrible accident, Harry slipped right through both our hands. And the table? A cheap piece really. Old too. We've been talking about replacing it."

The woman sergeant looked at the bulky man harshly, she'd written down his statement _verbatim_ , finishing she commented "You do understand, Mr. Dursley, it is my job … in cases like this … to suspect child abuse."

"Not at all ma'am." Petunia still looked shaken, her teeth clicked through her remarks "I loved my sister, even if we didn't see each other much. And Vernon already decided to call out so we could buy some essentials for little Harry. My husband was most insistent that we would raise the cousins like brothers."

 **April 22, 1982**

London Family Court, the cryer called out "Case 92-R4014 The Crown vs Vernon and Petunia Dursley."

"Evanna Lynch for the prosecution, Your Honor." A pretty blonde woman introduced herself "In the interest of justice, The Crown moves at this time for all charges to be dismissed for lack of evidence."

The judge looked ancient, he no longer used a powdered wig because his hair was whiter than one the nameplate read HON RICHARD HARRIS, asked "Any objection from the defense?"

"Lucy Saunders for the defense, Your Honor." The Dursley lawyer stood and addressed the court "No objections."

Vernon and Petunia thanked the judge and effusively thanked their lawyer. The couple swore to never involve themselves with the law again.

 **June 6 1987**

"Grint, Melling, Columbus" Vernon welcomed the trio of scientists to his office "I was looking at your three submissions over the weekend and I wondered, if we combine this, that, and this….like so….wouldn't we streamline at least half our manufacturing process? And save at least that in cost?"

With a shrug, Columbus commented "No part of my job."

"Never thought of such a thing." Said Grint with mild interest.

Melling was stiffly silent, thinking _'Guy couldn't do this himself so we do all the work.'_

 **February 2 1992**

LITTLE WHINING BULLETIN

LOCAL BOY MAKES BIG

Five years ago, Grunning Drills was a modest family owned business. Today it is the rising star of Britain. It premiered yesterday on the London Exchange and promptly rose 400%. With insider valuation, the company is worth in excess of £1 billion.

The man behind this remarkable company is one Vernon Dursley. It was just five years ago that this brilliant inventor seized on a revolutionary manufacturing process. Not a single drill maker could match it. Now from the tiny, fine drills of your family dentist to the massive North Sea oil drills only Grunning provides drills to all of Britain. The company's pilot and experimental plant is here in Little Whining, while major operations had to be located in the industrial northeast. Everyone all the way up to York and into Scotland either has a job or knows someone who has a job with Grunning.

"Our secret process manufactures drills for a tenth the cost, using a tenth of the materials." Boasted Vernon himself to this reporter "So we could cut prices and still make a tremendous profit over our competitors. The stock offer? Well, North America, Russia and the Arabs need drills too."

 **December 27 1998**

LITTLE WHINING BULLETIN

LOCAL BILLIONAIRE KNEELS BEFORE ELIZABETH II

Happy Christmas Vernon, Petunia and Dudley. Nothing seems to stop our pride and joy. He started as a simple salesman, today he is head of a conglomerate that employs much of the UK. Last night, the Queen awarded Vernon Dursley hereditary Earldom of Surrey as well as the right to sit in the House of Lords.

 **March 27 2010**

LITTLE WHINING BULLETIN

ROYAL WEDDING

Windsor Palace announced that Princess Victoria will marry sometime late this year. The groom? No one will be surprised to know it is our own future second Earl of Surrey. Congrats to Dudley and Vicky from us at The Bulletin. For watchers, while Dudley isn't in line, his firstborn will be 19th in line to The Throne.

 **October 31 2020**

"Presenting His Royal Majesty, the King of England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland, Protector of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith, our Lord Voldemort." Minister for Magic Bellatrix Lestrange announced gleefully "You may all rise. Except, of course, for the former royals."

The Prime Minister charged for the throne with an animalistic snarl and stopped cold by an " _Avada Kedavra_ " from Delores Umbridge.

The new King smiled beatifically, not having moved "Why thank you, my dear. We hereby appoint you Our Prime Minister for Muggles."

"Thank you, Sire." Madam Umbridge was all too suited for the role of yes-man.

From the Queen down, the House of Windsor was summarily exterminated, until the nineteenth-in-line came up with his family. Dudley spoke, on his knees, for his injured son "My Lord, I married into the family, not for politics but for love. But Edward here, does provide a bloodline to legitimize your rule in the eyes of the people."

"A point, young nobleman." The King allowed, magnanimously "And, We might even be more favorably inclined to your particular branch for the excellent service your father provided in bygone days."

The politically, financially and physically powerful noble boldly raised one knee, but kept his head bowed "Pray tell, Sire, how might my family continue to serve."

"You mean your father" Voldemort waved a hand at Vernon "never told you the tale? Of how he eliminated The-Boy-Who-Lived long before he could ever become half as powerful as it was claimed he was?"

Vernon Dursley had not thought of his nephew in decades, even less had the memory of rivers of fire, valleys of Sulphur and mountains of glowing rock touched his consciousness. Of late, since news of this rebellion, nightmares had been waking him in cold sweats. He led an active, healthy life and was the vision of what Dudley aspired to be in thirty years. The memory of Harry Potter hit him like a pile driver right into his heart, and that vital organ imploded.

abcij

"Greetings, greetings!" cackled a red-tinged, goat-teed, tailed, pitchfork carrying creature, who then gestured "Follow. This way. This way."

Recall hit the spirit of Vernon, just as hard as the Earthly manifestation. He hoped to delay the inevitable "Excuse me, but you are who?"

"Ise be Dobby the Demon." He rasped happily, and poked out with his pitchfork "No more delays! Work time!"

Vernon was again on his knees "Please sir! Let me see Him again! Like before!"

"Dobby thinks it bad idea to disturb master." The demon advised "No. Not good." Nevertheless, the newcomer's petition was to be heard.

Vernon was hacking and sweating as he was led through several massive doors, past pits of slaves and shoved to the ground forcing his head into the smoking dirt.

"Criminal bows respectful to The Master!" ordered Dobby in his raspy tone.

A massive throne stood empty. Another, much older, demon commanded "The Master would know what comes from the pits?"

"Criminal waste number two chance." Dobby called back "Begs number three chance. Keep face in dirt, criminal!"

Black lightning ripped the red sky, cries of great suffering were ripped from the throats of the cursed spirits. Lashes demanded return to work. A dark figure now sat on the Throne. It spoke "Speak my servants!"

"Master, Vernon Dursley wishes to speak." The old demon cackled.

The black-clad Master commanded "Silence Kreature. We will hear the criminal. Dobby, allow him to kneel."

"I-I erred, Great One!" Vernon cried out "I see that now! I once again let my temper get the best of me."

The Master rumbled "You did more than that Dursley. You stole the ideas of three inventors, using it to make yourself a member of the Royal Family. Only to later see your spawn gladly sell them for his miserable life."

"Dudley lives?" asked Vernon, showing a wisp of selflessness.

The Master seemed amused under His cloak and answered cryptically "No one lives forever. And you all get your just desserts. It is only a matter of time. And no, I do not bargain for souls, particularly ones I already own. Behold your accuser, Vernon Dursley!"

"No one looks on The Master's countenance!" Dobby slammed his pitchfork across the slave's back.

The Master cast off His cloak revealing not one, but two, with matching scars and matching green eyes "What do you say Harry?" asked the older of the younger.

"You'd leave my fate to - AHHHHHHH!" Vernon charged the podium on which the Throne sat, then screamed in pain as his very feet ignited.

Little Harry, the one directly murdered, passed eternal sentence with two babyish words "Ba'man ba'man!"


	198. Chapter 198:A More Permanent Solution

**[a/n0]** I do take ALL my meds, Wolfie, would you like the list? 😊

 **[a/n]** Feeling ruthless

 **Harry Does Different CXCVIII**

A More Permanent Solution

"We could complain to Professor Dumbledore." Hermione suggested.

Fred and George flopped down beside her and tennis-talked "No imagination Granger. We can turn her into a rat. Got some old Scabbers hair."

"Useless." Said Harry, looking at his best friend, "Dumbasadoor, that is." then he gave the twins a truly dark look "Moving on, I'm inclined to a more permanent solution to Madam Inquisitor. You three can help me, but it's best for everyone if I give you separate jobs. Don't talk about them to each other or Ron. Not even to me unless we're alone in the RoR. Clear?"

Even the irrepressible Fred and George nodded affirmatively and departed.

"You're elected first then." Looking at his favorite girl "Whip me up some Polyjuice Potion, please. Eh… no questions! Right?"

She sighed and nodded "You know it takes a month?"

"Thank you." He acknowledged.

Abcij

The eldest Weasleys were simultaneously playing chess and quizzing each other on Charms when Harry joined them "What's on your mind, boss?" they asked in tandem.

"Hermione has her project and needs no help." Replied Harry curtly "I want you two to brew up a Draught of Living Death. And don't look at me like that, most of your stock involves Potions. Get on it. Now, I'd like to play some chess with your brother."

Fred frowned "You're not as"

"fun as you used to be." George finished.

Abcij

"Checkmate!" gloated Ron for the fourth time since he'd sat "Even you're not usually this bad."

Harry sighed "You're right, mate. I want to ask you to do something, regardless of consequences and no questions asked."

"Is it illegal?" asked Ron.

To which Harry shrugged "In itself … truthfully… no. But it might cost Gryffindor the House Cup and land you in detention til you graduate."

"Bloody hell!" gasped the redhead "I'm so in."

The bespectacled wizard gave a sad sigh "I won't mind if you say no after hearing. Here goes. I want you to get some of Snape's hair. You have two weeks to do it, even if you have to tear it out in the middle of Potions. And I need the hairs."

"That doesn't sound like some prank." Ron commented shrewdly and narrowing his eyes.

Harry shook his head and almost smiled "I don't fall for Fool's Mates anymore, Ron. Trust me you DON'T want to know."

Abcij

"…and a small scroll on Unicorns due Wednesday. Friday we'll meet one on the edge of the Forbidden Forest. Class dismissed." Announced Hagrid, to the delighted squeals of his Fifth Years.

Harry raised his hand and waited to be called on, then addressed the giant formally "Professor, may I see you a moment please?"

"Of course, Harry." He said effusively.

When his friends remained in the room, he approached the teacher's desk and requested "Alone, sir?"

"Ron, Hermione? Off you go." said Hagrid with a touch of unease. "On the outs with your friends, Harry?"

He gave a half-shrug and began his scripted speech full of half-truths "Not exactly, Hagrid. Hermione doesn't exactly like I'm not involving her in my research project. Just want to do this on my own. And Ron's favorite research is counting the veins inside his eyelids. Anyway, I'm looking into the uses of exotic magical creatures in Potions. I was wondering if you could convince Aragog to part with some venom?"

"Be 'appy to see me old friend agin." Agreed the COMC teacher cheerily.

This was the most guilt Harry felt about his plan to date, but he offered a cheery smile "Thanks much Hagrid. See you Friday."

"What was that about, Harry?" Hermione crossexamined him the moment he turned down the corridor.

He shrugged and quipped, not-so-innocently "You mean your eavesdropping spell didn't work? Pity that. Ask me no questions, Hermione, I'll tell you no lies." Ron just snorted in amusement, he was keeping his own minor secret from their nosy cohort.

 **October 31, 1995**

"Mr. Weasley? Where is Mr. Potter?" demanded their Head.

Hermione replied "You know how Harry gets, today, Professor. He's been snapping at everything for days. I would be surprised if even we see him this weekend."

"Of course." Acknowledged McGonagall "Both of you may proceed to dinner."

Abcij

"Snivilus." A voice whispered in the Slytherin Common Room.

Severus Snape spun around "Who said that? I'll have you in detention so long your grandchildren will have grandchildren!"

"We both know you'll never live that long." Came the whispered reply.

He spun the other way and roared "WHERE ARE YOU?"

"Maybe I am you." It came from another direction again. And Harry threw off his Invisibility Cloak.

Severus Snape was staring at Severus Snape "I don't care who you are! I will see you expelled."

"I am exceedingly arrogant, just like my father." Severus told his mirror image and the knockout punch was only a syllable behind. Harry then fired a stunner that would last precisely one hour. He could have fired that, but he enjoyed the punch too much.

Abcij

Albus Dumbledore took the lectern and announced "Let the feast begin!" it was a joyous day for the Wizarding World.

"I notice Potter did not deign to make an appearance." Sneered the Head of Slytherin.

The Head of Gryffindor glared "This is not a happy day for all of us, Professor."

"And what gives one child an exemption to the day's festivities?" squeaked the High Inquisitor.

Snape sneered "I neither require nor want your assistance, foolish woman."

"Severus peace." Scolded Dumbledore with an upraised hand.

Black eyes flashed "Shut up you stupid old fool!"

The Head Table now had the complete attention of the student body.

" _Hem Hem_!" squeaked Umbridge "Now see here Severus!"

He leapt out of his chair, shoving it across the platform, stomped over to the much smaller magical, seized her by the throat, and in the same motion popped a cork off a phial of yellowish liquid and poured the contents down her throat. Then flinging her aside, swept out of the Great Hall, robes billowing all the way.

Abcij

"Here you go, Hedwig." Harry tied a small package to his familiar's leg "Take this about a mile out over the North Sea. Feel free to try some seafood while you're away. If you like it, I'll make sure you get more." _Squawk_!

 **Rap! Rap! Rap!** "You have three minutes Mr. Potter!" exclaimed a stentorian voice through the walls of the Fifth Year Boys' Dorm "Two minutes!"

"Professor McGonagall?" asked a clearly disheveled teen, busily rubbing grit from his eyes. He yanked his robe around his naked torso "Wassamattah?"

She replied rather disconcertedly "Mr. Malfoy, without much evidence, accused you of murdering both Professor Snape and Professor Umbridge. This despite there being several hundred witnesses to the contrary."

"Huhhn?" grunted Harry stupidly.

She sighed, promising "Obviously this false accusation will cost Slytherin points. Kindly dress. I will escort you to the Great Hall. Professor Dumbledore is currently ascertaining Professor Snape's status."

"Yes'm." yawned Harry, pushing the dorm door shut "Be right down." He didn't say it, he didn't let even a flicker of it show on his face even alone in the room, but he thought gleefully ' _ **Unexpected bonus**_!'

Abcij

"Yes Albus, I must take your Potions Master into custody." Amelia Bones had one of the suspect's elbows while a mildly pleased-with-herself pink-cropped woman held the other "I have over three hundred eyewitnesses who saw precisely the same thing. Ahh… Harry Potter… what do you know of this business?"

Harry walked in and answered "Only what Professor McGonagall told me on the way here." Then flippantly "And greasy here looks good in cuffs."

"Curse you Potter!" growled the prisoner.

Harry countered, taunting "Go for it!" Then he turned his back and strolled to his usual spot "Hey, Ginny? Pass the rolls?" It was of no particular interest that he didn't happen to look anyone of his closest friends in the eye that evening.


	199. Chapter 199: 911

**[a/n0]** Poor alix having so much in common with Ron.

 **[a/n1]** Thought more people would love Dobby the Demon.

 **[a/n2]** Important to remember LIVING Death. So Aragog juice sealed the deal.

 **[a/n3]** Established early, wizards aren't logical. Harry gave his friends solidly innocent tasks, no one of which could be solidly traced to what everyone witnessed. Why does a magical society so readily believe what they see? Any material evidence went with Hedwig: phials, Harry's hair/skin on Snape's robes:

 **[a/n]** A prank

 **Harry Does Different CXCIX**

911

"What're you smirking about? Ruddy brat." Vernon Dursley snapped at his freak if a nephew. Not his blood luckily "Well, are you waiting for an engraved invitation? Don't expect me to strain my back. And if that ruddy pigeon shits in my trunk I'll throttle it."

Harry Potter sighed explosively "Yes Uncle Vernon whatever you say Uncle Vernon. Ouch!" He nicked his forearm causing a faint line of blood to appear. He didn't expect any sympathy, nor did he receive any "I let Hedwig loose, she'll find her own way to Privet later."

Abcij

MUCH later, Harry was mourning the death of his fellow Champion in the early hours of the morning. He was idly twirling his wand between his fingers. But interspersed with those memories were those of a happy moment with his Marauder friends.

 _"Peter was a valuable member of the gang." Remus was saying "For that quality that made a rat his Animagus. He could skulk about, unnoticed and warn us if we were about to get caught. That was also what he gave to the Map."_

 _Sirius was less charitable "Ok, he had his uses. Your Dad and I, we provided much of the slapstick and raw power behind Marauder pranks. Moony here, was the subtle one. If we wanted to do something to a Professor, or setup someone to take a Point-sapping fall, he was the goto guy."_

Focusing on that memory and allowing other ideas; particularly cutting himself on Vernon's car; somehow eventually led to a rather effective bit of payback. Not now, not today. There was PLENTY of time to perfect this scheme. Ultimately, the best day was the start of the next Hogwarts term.

 **September 1**

"Move it Potter!" complained Uncle Vernon "Get your freak stuff outta my trunk! Got half a mind to run you over!"

Under his breath, Harry snarked "First part of that was about right Vern." He finished loading Hedwig's cage on the cart with his trunk. Then took out his Potions knife and, wincing, dragged the blade almost the length of his forearm. He unrolled his stolen garbage bag and wrapped it around the wound. He made some busy noise at the trunk, tucked the bag partly under the spare tire, then pushed it shut, and called out "See ya in June, Uncle!"

"Harry! Good to see you!" exclaimed Hermione "And so early too!"

Grinning at his friend, he said "Relatives happy to get rid of me. Hey, listen, can you watch my cart a bit? Got a quick call to make." Not giving her a chance to ask, he ran off to a nearby payphone. His call to the police was brief and to the point "Hello? I think this was just too suspicious. I live on Privet Dr. and I saw my neighbor at #4 drag a heavy bag of what looked like rubbish out to his car. A dark blue BMW. And drive away about midnight. I didn't think much of it then, but in the brightness of day … oh, thank you officer. Bye."

Abcij

"Get me the registration of any vehicle at #4 Privet Dr. Especially if it's a BMW. Send a patrol car by the location to check for it. Then run the identity of the owner. I want to know where he or she works." The duty sergeant ordered a quiet investigation.

Within an hour, they knew a small green BMW was used by Petunia Dursley, primarily for shopping. And that Vernon was the registered owner of both, and what was actually a large grey one. It was then located at Vernon's place of employment, Grunnings Drills. A search warrant was issued and two patrol cars were sent to the location.

Abcij

"Force the lock." Ordered the Special Victims detective, which was instantly obeyed. It took barely a cursory search to find the trashbag. And any detective can recognize blood in his sleep.

Out the main double doors to the factory stormed Vernon Dursley "What're you band of hooligans doing to my car?" He was wielding a hastily seized sample drill bit.

"Police! Drop that at once! Identify yourself!" demanded a bullhorn from the open trunk. Two officers now had their weapons out. One was pointing it, the other not quite.

Confronted with guns, the loud man tossed away his improvised weapon and complied "Vernon Dursley, I'm a director of this facility."

"Dee? Fred? Arrest that man. The charge is suspicion of murder." The man with a badge about his neck ordered. The two uniforms holstered their guns, moved in and quickly subdued the increasingly resistant suspect.

 **September 5**

During a study period, Professor McGonagall approached "Potter, a legal matter seems to have arisen between the Muggle authorities and your family."

"Family, ma'am?" asked Harry, with a slightly nonplussed expression "I have the Weasleys, but I suppose if it involves Muggles you probably mean the Dusleys."

The scene had already caught some attention. Word of it began to spread.

"Yes, as it happens." The Deputy Headmistress' eyebrow twitched "Your uncle has come under suspicion and only your presence, it seems, can rectify the issue. Please accompany me to the Headmaster's office. His floo can get you to where he is being held."

Harry stood and folded up his books asking "Ron? Take these to our dorm? Thanks." But he paused and queried "Professor McGonagall? If Muggles are involved don't we need to worry about the Statute of Secrecy?"

"That is always relevant Potter." She was showing a hint of impatience "But what is your concern here?"

Hermione was looking at him with baited breath, not yet seeing his point. He flashed Ron a look that he wasn't quite sure his friend got.

"Well Professor, if they need me there IN PERSON; here I am in Scotland I can't just pop into Little Whining in two minutes by any Muggle method can i?" he pointed out. "Flooing would break the Statute."

She nodded and relaxed "A valid point, Potter. Ten points to Gryffindor. We will work something out. Now, please. Professor Dumbledore is waiting."

"Of course." He agreed "Oh one second! Let me write a quick note. Hermione?" he did so as he passed her seat, then folded it in quarters.

She waited impatiently until he was gone and was deeply confused when she opened it. Immediately showing the cryptic comment to the Weasley brothers. It only contained one word **PRANK.**

 **September 8**

"You disappear for two days!" Hermione came up and half assaulted an unusually cheery Harry "Where HAVE you BEEN!"

Harry effortlessly blocked the rather girlish attack, half giggling, he caught one hand then the other, spun her around, hugged her from behind, lifted her in the air and twirled. He gleefully ordered "Find any Weasleys, I'll do the same. Meet in the RoR in 20 minutes."

"I don't quite get it." Ginny admitted, and you could tell she spoke for her brothers.

Harry explained "Sirius and Remus told me the best prank is subtle. Framing Vernon for my own murder STILL got him locked up for a week and I got a chance to tell the Muggle Aurors all about my time under his 'care'. Obviously the blood in the trunk showed years of their abuse. Got to tack on a day because, of course, I couldn't get from here to London in a few minutes. Why I was gone for two days."

"But you can." Fred pointed out.

Harry smirked "You know that, I know that, Muggles DO NOT know that."

"Statute of Secrecy." Said Hermione thoughtfully.

Harry slapped his knee at let out a "WHOOP!" and continued "Added benefits… I got us ten points, don't forget … obeying the law. And Sirius has custody of me in the Muggle world. Goodbye Privet Drive!"


	200. Chapter 200:Karate Harry

**[a/n0]** This is the promised **THANK YOU** chapter. Some authors do it every chapter, I think it's just to drive up the word count. I kept a running dialogue with my other stories for plot discussion. With 1shots, there isn't any development, except for the small fraction of sequel chapters that I've done by review requests. Diary of Time being the only one I split into a separate story. I do plan some sequelizing of #169.

 **[a/n1]** Actual chapter word count _506 words_

 **[a/n2]** Thanx to first Slytherin66 who, looking back I couldn't find a single missed chapter, most reviews quite detailed, 1 or 2 as long as the chapter itself.

magitech is nearly as busy during lots of his reviews

Fallow55...cameron1812…Banner…mwinter1…StrongGuy159…EP…Not quite all but very consistent

Katzztar competes with Slytherin66 for length at times

old-crow gets a special thanx for his reviews because of his works _An Inconvenient Truth_ & _Thank You Ms Bones_ that inspired my Susan fandom

Pixel and Stephanie Forever I don't see regularly here, but has crossed over from my earlier works

Likewise BJH who also inspired #157

Noble Korhedron, Demigod-Wizard-Gatekeeper & Kairan1979 are strong regulars with interesting feedback and ideas when I began to dry up

alix33 is interesting, indulge your grammar to your hearts content I would like to see more on the actual content of the chapter

Hands Off MY Wolfie very entertaining always

Sakura Lisel is often quite insightful as is Demigod-Wizard-Gatekeeper & nfosurfer

Therio liking of my Lone Traveler guest star appearances was inspiring

sparky40sw haven't seen you in a while

V. L. Crawford...Vukk...MeinGimli..sunsethill...Deathmvp...Polydicta... deserve honorable mentions

A number of reviewers have joined late and reviewed from the beginning. None are currently still, but I note recent newbie BorderLand who just hit _Rita and the Broom Closet._ I love that chapter! Thanx!

 **[a/n3]** Apologies to britpickers of #199. I have of late seen armed bobbies. The 22 March 2017 terrorist attack outside the Palace of Westminster comes to mind. Full riot gear and whatever the assault rifle there is called. I don't know about regular duty, but Vernon under suspicion for murder.

 **[a/n]** So one day I was watching the Karate Kid series...never quoted a song before

 **Harry Does Different CC**

Karate Harry

The green light-red light battle raged for minutes. In the middle of the combatants a vortex of light, heat and wind tormented the air. Harry felt the advantage going his way. By short, hard, jerky step he advanced on the Dark Lord, both hands all but strangling his wand. The green light faded, shortened and eventually dimmed. Harry landed a couple uppercuts.

Voldemort staggered under the magical and physical assault. Desperate, he backed away, but the enemy would not be denied. Ultimately he could no longer withstand the offensive, fell despite any humiliation, to his knees.

Fueled by a lifetime of abuse, poured on memory of murdered parents, topped by murdered friends, and capped by a year on the run, Harry clamped his hands together and delivered one ** **crack** ** after another after another. The pounding went on and on for whole minutes. Until he saw through the red haze. The misshapen human head was more dented, discolored from its unpleasant green and spouting blood from mouth and flat nose. Finally, sapped of adrenaline, Harry seized the back of his enemy's neck and demanded "Live or die, man? Live or die?"

"Live! I beg you! Live!" the bloody pulp of a dark lord sobbed.

The battle had stopped. Combatants on both sides stood intermixed watching the climatic fight between their leaders. Nothing like it had ever been seen, not even for those who had witness Dumbledore dueling with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named in the Ministry of Magic. This made that look like a kitten/puppy fight. And they were all ignored by the duelists. They all heard the plea for mercy. Demoralized Death Eaters unconsciously dropped their wands. A few alert defenders acted to quickly stun or otherwise immobilize. Hermione was close enough to see the expression and plead "Harry! No!"

"YAAAHHHH!" he let out a blood-curdling battle cry and drove in with a lethal hand. The blow never landed, but stopped within inches, pinched the flat nose between thumb and forefinger. He emitted a loud "HONNNNK!" and shoved his enemy face-first to the rubble-strewn dirt.

Ginny ran up, pausing just long enough to kick Voldemort aside, threw her arms around his neck and sigh "Ohhh! Harry."

And, somewhere in the distance, a Canadian was singing

"Tonight it's very clear  
As we're both laying here  
There's so many things I wanna say  
I will always love you  
I would never leave you alone

Sometimes I just forget  
Say things I might regret  
It breaks my heart to see you crying  
I don't wanna lose you  
I could never make it alone

I am a man who will fight for your honor  
I'll be the hero you're dreaming of  
We'll live forever  
Knowing together  
That we did it all for the glory of love

You keep me standing tall  
You help me through it all  
I'm always strong when you're beside me  
I have always needed you  
I could never make it alone

I am the man who will fight for your honor  
I'll be the hero  
You've been dreaming of  
We'll live forever  
Knowing together that we did it all  
For the glory of love

Like a knight in shining armor  
From a long time ago  
Just in time I will save the day  
Take you to my castle far away"


	201. Chapter 201:AIT by old-crow

**[a/n0]** Now I need to get Dan to record _Glory of Love..._ eh, Wolfie

 **[a/n1]** During my exploration of reviews, the 1st time I was asked _How many?_ was #145. To which I answered 200 seemed achievable. I currently have outlines to 230, not including sequel requests. So 300 is likely. Continuing into 2020 at least.

 **[a/n]** Thanx to old-crow. a sort of blend of his story & _19 Years Later_

 **Harry Does Different CCI**

An Inconvenient Truth By: old-crow Epilogue 3

The concierge of _The Hippogryff_ had several specific orders. ANY member of the DA NEVER stood in line, a few members did not pay…most especially any with red hair. Atop this, was a special note to inform the owner instantly if someone with bushy brown hair appeared, and AT ALL COSTS keep her in the restaurant or club. When a woman meeting that description came in with a blonde man…also on the list, the white glove treatment was ordered.

"Good job, Colin." The owner told his number one exactly six minutes later. The row of booths had been quietly allowed to empty and only a quartet of black shirts loudly calling out SECURITY occupied the end seats.

"Two decades between meetings? Not good Miss Granger. Or is it Mrs. Diggory by now?" there was no anger in the question, just nostalgia and a hint of hurt.

The couple snapped out of their booth, shocked, the woman exclaimed "Harry! Cedric and I planned to look for you as soon as we got settled."

"From where?" asked Harry, shaking the older man's hand.

She wondered "How did you find us?"

"No real secret." He gave a deprecating shrug "It's mine, the club that is, I own it. And the staff has rules to follow for certain people."

Cedric grinned "Oh, that explains the five-star treatment."

"No, this is a five-star establishment." Said Harry with a look at his concierge "I'll want their Experience Report on my desk in thirty minutes, Mr. Creevey."

She blinked "We're not trying to get anyone in trouble, Harry. Good to see you, Colin. But I wonder, only a half-hour for an old friend?" looking faintly hurt.

"Sir, ma'am, anything you need, please don't hesitate." Said Colin in a crisply professional tone before departing.

Harry indicated they should sit, and hardly had they done so than a tall thin glass of pumpkin juice was placed in his hand "Thank you, Grace." He said to the server, then after her departure explained "I only ordered the report delivered at a specific time, I never said when I would read it. But woebetide to the one who hasn't met the deadline."

"A little ruthless, don't you think?" asked Hermione with a critical tone.

He nodded unaffectedly " _The Hippogryff_ is the ONLY five-star place in Wizard West London. I learned from the best and I employ the best. Now where have you been for the past nineteen years?"

"I obliviated my parents and sent them out of the country, you remember?" Hermione narrated "Well, I very carefully hid them … even from myself… long story short, they were dentists under the names Wendell and Wendy Whitesnake in Western Australia. Cedric needed time to recover, most definitely away from the fame I'm sure you know. We married a year after restoring their memories…had two sons, both squibs…didn't figure Britain much changed. But our daughter is high on the magical charts, so we thought we'd scout out the old grounds."

Harry gave an understanding nod, summing up "Time just…got away. I get it. How are you Ced?"

"Well enough." Said the former Hufflepuff "I know everything about my first seventeen years, thanks to my lovely wife and parents. I have an amazing family. I'll just really never know who I was…before…And I accept that. It was time."

Harry grinned at the man who was a schoolboy competitor "Well, after you left, I looked at my life…long talks with Sue… decided I didn't want to chase bad guys forever. Did my part. Sort of bumbled into the food business. And I'm not just the boss of my clubs, I can do it all, from dishwasher to concierge. And all levels from _The Hippogryff_ down to roadside diners."

"It's amazing, Harry. Really." Gushed Hermione "How do you do it? People are generally rude, crude, demanding and unhappy with even the best food service."

A server wordlessly topped off Harry's pumpkin juice, took the guests' dinner plates and left a dessert menu.

"Thank you! Amazing!" Hermine's gush was even broader "How do they do it?"

With an enigmatic smile, the restaurateur answered "Sorry, trade secret. You'll see changes at Hogwarts, but like them I think. Sinestra is Headmistress, with Flitwick as Deputy. Minerva is now on the Board. Snape would have a …well hippogriff [chuckle] if he knew Neville was teaching Potions. I guest lecture Defense and Flying when the business allows. Then there's Ami, my pride and joy."

"Should Susan be jealous?" asked Cedric with a smirk.

Harry didn't rise to the bait, answering "Amelia Luna Potter. Got her Hogwarts letter last week. Smarter than your wife. The first Sixth Year Head since Nicholas Flamel. Already has two NEWTs under her belt. To borrow, brilliant. Scary. But brilliant. She'll be teaching First Year History of Magic, in addition to a full class load. Seems Professor Binns was waiting all these years especially for her, announced his crossing over day will be exactly seven years after Ami's graduation."

"You MUST tell me how you knew!" exclaimed Hermione when another server brought Cedric chocolate pudding and her a healthy helping of cantaloupe.

The witch merely smiled "All part of the service." Topped off Harry's pumpkin juice and went to another booth with menus.

"I know Sue would love to see you again." Harry gave an appreciative nod to his employee as she departed and went on "Dinner? Tomorrow night? The address is #67 Rowena Blvd, Godric's Hollow. You and Ami can debate the whichness of the why until the early morning while me, Cedric and Sue compare Quidditch styles."

The couple looked at each other, nodded and smiled at him "It's a date Harry" said Cedric "See you then."

Harry departed with a distinct spring in his step.


	202. Chapter 202:Post Azkaban Harry

**[a/n]** Sequel to 169

 **Harry Does Different CCII**

Post Azkaban Harry

One of the powers Harry manifested during his imprisonment was the ability to visualize any other place on the planet. Nor was he lying when he said he planned to leave Britain, never to return. During the week between his release from Azkaban and his final offensive against Voldemort, Harry was busy. In exchange for a few concessions, he offered his chosen new home dibs on his place of birth. Magical Britain on a silver platter. His mission accomplished, Harry reapparated in front of the RCMM in Montreal and strolled in. To an unimportant room he made his way.

"You're Harry Potter." The man, another of Harry's powers immediately registered he was not magical, offered a hand which he shook "Justin Trudeau, I represent the nomaj government in this, I am empowered to grant you Canadian citizenship if majgov is satisfied with your actions. In detail, please?"

Harry didn't know the two foreign terms, but he caught on readily enough "Gladly." He began "I was unjustly convicted and spent six years in prison for murder. Outright framed. Voldemort aka Tom Riddle had one of his followers frame me. My trial was a sham. Almost everyone I loved betrayed me. They destroyed everything I loved, killed my familiar as I was dragged away. They caught the true murderer and were all set to 'pardon' me if I took care of their little problem."

"How nice of them. So exactly what brought you to us?" The functionary wasn't too impressed.

Harry gave a dry chuckle "Pretty much my feeling. I turned my connection to Voldemort on its head, I read his entire mind. Every cell. Then I went past him. I visited the world without ever leaving Azkaban, physically. And I learned how to destroy him. I set my own sort of take'em or leave'em terms for the Brits and dared them to refuse. They…hehheh… obeyed. My solution ended up doing a bit more than what I started with."

"And this is where, I take it, you impressed my maj counterparts?" Trudeau asked with a slightly predatory grin.

Matching it, the former Brit agreed "I told them to have their Aurors ready for about the easiest conquest in magical history. My method only intentionally killed Voldemort and his Protean marked followers. A valid act of war under international law, I believe?"

"I was briefed on your Civil War in preparation for this conference." Trudeau acknowledged with a nod "I think, for the record, a court should hear you. But I see no problem."

Harry nodded, smiling more "And if Canada benefits, Canada will use its immense influence before any tribunal. All that was made clear, and I'm sure Muggle Canada will do well too. Because my spell had to cover ALL of Britain, it took ALL of Britain's magical powers."

"I don't know much about magic, but can you explain that so a nomaj can understand it?" asked the Canadian "Seems it would take a lot of power to do something like that. Are you really that powerful?"

Harry's face became unreadable "That question has two answers Mr. Trudeau. Yes, I am. Make no mistake about that. No one else on the planet could. Even if they had the power, only I know HOW. Point two, one of my conditions is that I never answer that question fully, I'm sure you were told that."

"Can't blame a guy for trying." Said Trudeau with an innocent look.

Harry merely smiled "Of course. I told your Ministry that the moment I appeared here, today, Magical Britain won't exist. Your window of opportunity is very short. Eventually, the rest of the world will know, and it will take longer to decide what to do about it. Put your people there, now, and the rest of the world will have to accept it."

"Your point is well taken." Trudeau acknowledged, a greedy look on his face "And the Minister for Magic did start a 'war game maneuver' after your earlier visit, so we are ready. What do you want?"

"Before going into that" said Harry "I made one, or rather two, exceptions to our preliminary agreement. Luna Lovegood and Neville Longbottom still have their full magical powers, and a bit of a bonus. They will not oppose your takeover, if approached peacefully. And I INSIST they not be interfered with."

Trudeau didn't look especially concerned, only offering "Well, that will be up to my superiors and the higher ups among your kind."

"Mr. Trudeau, I'll put it in Muggle terms for you." He said mildly "Consider a typical witch or wizard to be a hand grenade … you know what they are, I assume?... Good. Neville or Luna would be a fission bomb like Hiroshima. Me? I'm one of those modern missiles with ten little bombs that can each destroy a city. See?"

Looking both doubtful and intimidated, Trudeau asked "The rest of your conditions?"

"I want to live someplace with a very good view of Niagara Falls." Harry answered "Iguazu is a nice place to visit, but not a place to live…for me anyway. I'm not worried about transportation I can just pop about, and will pay market price for a home, but the government will help close the deal for me. Second, I'm moving my entire fortune from Britain to the Bank of Montreal, no taxes on that money and I pay half the income tax rate for the rest of my life. Otherwise, I mostly want to be left alone, mingle among the tourists, enjoy the sights. Once I'm settled, and I understand them fully, I will take the Canadian Oath of Citizenship."

Trudeau sat back, copying his father's political face and calculating, tried to consider the whole package. This man was a decade younger, from his dossier, yet he was offering his country a once in a lifetime opportunity. And thanks to his father, he was told to sink or swim. He felt like a child. Inevitably, some of Canada's finest would die, on his recommendation. And Canada would, by the man's own admission, be accepting three potentially highly dangerous individuals in its borders. The Brit's terms were reasonable…modest even… was it deceptively reasonable? A life in a political house had not given Justin any way to read Harry Potter. He proposed "Help me a little bit, Mr. Potter. What does it mean? To be magical? What exactly can you do?"

"Animagus. That would impress your magical superiors." Harry replied after a moment's thought "Britain's registry has about a hundred living animagi…well FORMER now… not one are still. There is no record of being able to become more than one." In rapid succession, he transformed into a horse, pig, duck, dog to honor Sirius, emu, boa, werewolf, and just for a true scare velociraptor.

Justin couldn't help the jolt of terror, all but whimpered "That …is…impressive"

"Thank you" said the green-eyed dinosaur "I liked Jurassic Park. I've done fish, but there's no water in the room. Not that I couldn't make some." A stream of ice cold water sprayed out of its foreclaw. Then Harry morphed and the puddle disappeared with a wave of the hand.

Trudeau was struck speechless for almost a minute, knew he was making a poor showing of representing a powerful country, and slightly resented the man who'd done it, but he finally agreed "You have a bargain, Mr. Potter, but as you did modify the preliminary agreement slightly, I will reserve for my governments the right to make changes of a similar proportion."

"I can live with that, Mr. Trudeau." Said Harry, offering a hand and smiling. He sent pulses into the Canadian just above the level of perception and in an unbreakable grip "Just so you pass on all my concerns."

Justin Trudeau was glad to leave the room he'd met Harry Potter in.

Harry Potter was satisfied his life was finally his own.


	203. Chapter 203:Post Azkaban Harry 2

**[a/n]** Sequel to 169 &202...How does Britain get along without magic? Centers on Neville & Luna

 **Harry Does Different CCIII**

Post Azkaban Harry 2

There was much for Hermione, the Weasleys and the elite Minister's contingent to mourn. Three of Arthur Weasley's handpicked finest, a witch and two wizards, died as their magic burned them to death. More, on a personal level, the same fate took their own second-born. They were left with unanswered questions of when and why Charlie went over to You-Know-Who. And there was also the seemingly useless loss of the venerable Albus Dumbledore. On an intellectual level, once that came up, Hermione did want to know exactly what Harry did, and how?

"We should look to leave soon." Neville eventually suggested, practically, he'd stayed to comfort the mourners "This is a Muggle tourist sight."

One of the guards pointed out "We can just obliviate and confund them."

"And apparate home." Added Ron

Hermione looked around, saw a rock, she was an exceptional witch with several NEWTs " _Dasypodidae Xenarthra_!" she fired, fully expecting it to become an armadillo. Nothing of the sort happened. Frowning at her wand, she harshly commanded " _Lumos_!" which accomplished as little. Angry, she pointed at her husband and snarled " _Chiroptera Mucoso_ "

"Bloody hell woman!" Ron complained. Crossing his eyes, all he saw was a green-yellow glow that wiping his arm across his nose banished.

Guard #4 screwed up his face and grunted, nothing happened "Deliberation, determination, destination." He whispered, producing exactly nothing. Everyone repeated the effort to not even a hint of success.

"Perhaps you and I should check our family." Luna airily addressed Neville.

After seeing a brief performance and trying himself...Neville still had his abilities, and then some he felt... he nodded "Good idea. Gran and Uncle Algie wouldn't know what to do without magic."

"Wait! You can take us with you!" Arthur put in, holding their departure.

Luna tilted her head in askance, then decided "Not a wise idea. If we gave you the easy solution, Harry's lesson would be lost. No, it is best you handle this on your own."

"We can help a little." Neville suggested "As a matter of fact, I think we have to. We can't leave the bodies for Muggles to find. I feel strong enough, but Luna, maybe you should take Charlie to the Burrow."

She nodded sagely "Very wise, I think. We must maintain the Statutes as best we can until help arrives."

"It's decided then." Said Neville "My floo is Longbottom Greenhouses if you need anything.

Arthur, now used to years of command, said "Hold! I do not think you kids have considered all the complications here."

"We are adults, Minister." Pointed out Luna, coolly "And we ARE the only magicals dealing with a magical crisis."

EVERYONE in the group blinked at the pair. They still were when cracks in the air announced the disapparation of two plus five bodies.

Abcij

"OH Neville! Thank Godric Gryffindor, the other founders and Holy Merlin himself you're back!" the formidable Augusta Longbottom all but cried "Enid and Algie both passed right after we all felt a strange sensation. We all felt fifty years older. Not a single spell works for me. I tried EVERY wand in the house. I have been flooing all night and everyone… well everyone who answers, that is… says the same."

Neville gulped down a lump, momentarily mourned his Great-Aunt and -Uncle, answered "I know Gran. The whole world just changed and I saw it happen. Harry did it. The spell he used was…maybe Hermione got it, I didn't even recognize the language… he pulled energy from the very stones at Stonehenge. Some Aurors were Death Eaters, they died *gulp* it was awful, like they burned from the inside. Then Dumbledore, he was with us, just dropped, like what you described. I brought him here while Luna took Charlie."

"Who? What? That weird girl? Charlie who?" she demanded, annoyed at only having a portion of her grandson's story.

Neville simply nodded "Sorry Gran. Luna…my friend from Hogwarts…she lives in Ottery, near the Weasleys. Ron's brother, Charlie was a Death Eater too. She took his body, so she could deliver it after she checked on her Dad."

"Right. Now we're getting somewhere." Augusta was beginning to feel like her old self "What do your Aunt, Uncle and Albus have in common that they just died."

Neville closed his eyes to recall the actual event "Harry said it was an unexpected effect. He wasn't surprised everyone lost their magic, but when Professor Dumbledore died …it must be his spell… it killed all the Death Eaters in all Britain AND it took magic from everyone else."

"Why would he do that? What did we do to him?" she asked in sudden despair.

He sighed and shook his head "It wasn't what we did to him, Gran, it was what no one in all England did for him. Who cared? Who believed him? Who even sent him a bloody damp sponge to wipe his face?"

"No vulgarity, boy! I raised you better!" she scolded.

He rolled his eyes and shot back "Priorities, Gran! Sod it!"

"And we all felt suddenly older because we all lost our magic." Augusta was quite intelligent and managed to get to the right answer "So what can we do to get it back?"

He shrugged "I don't know that it is even possible. I bet…if it is… that only Harry could do it. I doubt that's going to happen."

"Why?" she demanded in her harshest tone "How am I expected to live?"

Neville was honest, brutally so "Two reasons, he told us, during the spell he was leaving the country, never to return. Second, I doubt he'd want to and THAT is assuming it's possible."

"Not unrelated, and please don't take it wrong, my dear boy… you apparently DO still have your powers." Her brain was fully engaged to her situation "Also, I assume, this Luna girl?"

This was the Gran who could intimidate him with just her hairstyle, he stuttered "Y-y-yes ma-am. Th-that i-i-is I do. L-lu-na too.""

"How?" she demanded.

Neville answered "It was Harry. He called us into the circle he was pulling from. The spell started outside the circle. He said we were true friends. We both tried to shield him when Mrs. Weasley tried to kill him, but he must've known before that, we were the only ones."

"I see." She understood the somewhat confused report "Neville, I would like to have you use your Rememberall so I can see it directly from your memory. Assuming that works for me. After, I am afraid I have to ask you to do two more rather unpleasant tasks."

Neville understood and he couldn't ask her to do something like that without magic "Yes Gran."

Abcij

While Luna's experience with her father was similar, Xenophilius was much quicker and more accepting of what his daughter communicated in her mildly dysfunctional way. He was all set to floo to the printing presses to run a Quibbler special when she pointed out it wouldn't work for him, and more importantly, they had a body to deliver.

Abcij

"Identify yourself!" demanded Bill Weasley, he was holding his mother's heaviest cooking spoon. A very pregnant Fleur Weasley nee Delacour was behind the door with a knife poised at about throat height "What do you want?"

Calming her father with a touch she said "William! We were at your wedding. You discussed the Hallows with my father and I attempted to convince you of Harry Potter's innocence. Sadly, you were still wrackspurt infested. We come bearing news, both glad and sad."

"Only Luna Lovegood would think to even say something like that. I am opening the door." Bill announced.

She offered "Please be careful. You may not wish to crush your wife."

"Right." Bill's ears pinked at being caught out, he tossed the spoon on the table and took Fleur's knife "Clearly if you wished us harm, we'd already be dead."

Luna entered, sat at the head of the table, opposite Bill and her father next to her. She put her wand, handle to Bill, on the table. He was actually no threat to her current strength, even wandless, but there was a tale to tell which she did "Good news first, I think Voldemort aka Tom Riddle aka The Dark Lord is dead. So is every last Death Eater, in every corner of Britain not one with the Dark Mark lives."

"That is vundervul!" exclaimed Fleur, emotion causing her accent to slip "C'est no Guillame?"

Nodding, he acknowledged "Yes, but you said sad too?"

"Indeed," Xenophilius took over, "I apologize, Luna you have your way of expressing things. I see us as blessed with the end, for good, of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. But possibly all of England and maybe much more. The whole world? Is cursed with the end of magic. Tell us, both of you, do you remember your education. Lumos? Stunning Spells? Healing magic?"

Bill and Fleur glanced at each other and nodded "All my curse breaking. The translation spells I used in Egypt. Nothing works! But it's all right here!" he jammed a forefinger to his temple.

"It is Harry's curse." Explained Luna "He said you would all remember, but never be able again."

Fleur's English slipped under the stress "Quel? Comm? vous avez dit que vous? vous avez la magie?"

"Harry spared Neville Longbottom and I for never doubting his innocence." Luna didn't quite understand the French but it was unnecessary.

Xeno took over again "Professor Dumbledore, and…presumably… anyone his age died from losing their magic. Bill, your brother Charlie … we left him by the garden … he had the Dark Mark."

"NO!" roared Bill, surging across the table

Luna froze him without touching her wand "Caesar shot the messenger. People stopped giving him bad news. The Empire fell. Learn from history. And learn from this." Her tone was icy. Then she released him "We could not leave bodies at Stonehenge, too many questions."

"That is rather cold hearted." Bill ground out, not really containing his fury "That is my brother you left in the dirt!"

Luna trained her wand on him, just for emphasis, and gave him a tongue lashing "We set him _respectfully_ on his home ground. Study the Dark Mark, you still have the knowledge. It needs a murder dedicated to the caster. Your brother murdered, at least once. I shall be assisting those in need, and deserving, you are not. Goodbye. Daddy, come, I need to contact Neville."

"Wait por favor! Ze floo, eet works for you?" pleaded Fleur.

Luna considered her with Looney's protuberant eyes "You seek contact with your family? This will be helpful. However the wrackspurts here are most foul. You may follow us. William is not welcome."

"Je weel comply. Please." Said Fleur, briefly holding her husband's hand "Non, cherie, their home their rules."

Bill looked resentful "Is a Weasley floo not good enough for you?"

"Come Moonbeam." Mr. Lovegood touched his daughter's elbow and looked at Fleur "You may join us, Mrs. Weasley, or not ...as you choose."

Luna gave him a nod, then looked at the remaining Weasley and advised "Preservation charms have their limits, William, use your most perishable foods first and ration what you can. Take care of your nieces and nephews."


	204. Chapter 204:Answer Me Horace

**[a/n0]** old-crow, don't miss the reviews of #201, many addressed to you

 **[a/n]** I'll work out another followup to the Superpowered Azkaban Harry. For now, not for Slughorn fans.

 **Harry Does Different CCIV**

Answer Me Horace

"What was that all about, sir?" asked Harry as he caught up.

Dumbledore sighed "You Harry are powerful and popular. Two qualities Horace covets as he somewhat lacks them. I likes to, how shall I put it, collect both."

"You want him to …collect …me." Harry concluded.

The Headmaster nodded "Most decidedly."

"And in return I get Snape teaching my favorite subject." Groused the student "Not much in it for me."

Stroking his beard, Dumbledore countered "That is PROFESSOR Snape, young man. And Horace has some highly useful information I have been trying to whittle out of him regarding a certain favorite student of his, for many years."

"Voldemort, you mean." Harry was most displeased "does everything com back to him? Can't I have anything that doesn't involve him?"

Sighing, the Headmaster went back to his concern "Yes, Harry, I want you to let Horace …collect… you. As you put it. Do not belittle his knowledge, that is the most brilliant Potions Professor of his time. That said, he is also a very vain man and not a particularly powerful wizard. Young Tom Riddle was part of his club, so in his day Professor Snape. Whose group included Lily Evans. Somewhat more recently, I believe you know of Gwenog Jones."

"Yeah I know the type." Said Harry rather sourly. The whole idea left a bad taste in his mouth. But he held his tongue.

Dumbledore took his silence for acceptance of the assignment. He was wrong.

abcij

"Ahh! Young Mr. Potter." effused the new Professor after their first class together "Thank you for staying. I did want to especially thank you for attending the first meeting of my Slug Club."

Harry looked at him "May I speak honestly, sir? No lost points or detention?"

"Always and call me Horace, if we're not student/teacher at the moment." The professor was pleased.

The teen angrily slapped potionware off the teacher's desk and snarled "Dumbledore wants you here because you know something about Voldemort, so he wanted me to become your new mate! You're going to tell me what that is. Right here! Right NOW!"

"I think you would do well in detention boy." Sneered Slughorn.

Harry's wand blasted a different collection of potionware across the classroom into shards "That's not how it works between us Horace." He growled "Dumbledore told me plenty about you. Famous students and all. Well I'm about the most famous ever. What would it do to your reputation if I told my buddy Miss Skeeter about how you're withholding vital information that's keeping me from saving everyone from the evilest one?"

"I am not to be intimidated by a child." The Professor growled.

Harry shrugged and went on disrespectfully "Wanna try me? Slug? Fits you. Like a rat animagus fits a certain traitor. Saw that picture of my mother. I bet Rita would LOVE to know how you won't share it with her poor orphaned son. What do you know about Tom? Huh?"

"Every one of my Club has become important. Ministers, Department Heads, Quidditch players." He blustered.

Harry snorted in disgust "We both know I'm already more famous than you'll ever be. From what Dumbledore told me I'm probably twice the wizard you are."

"Even Tom never spoke to me like this." Slughorn complained.

That didn't bother Harry "I had a chat with teenage Tom. Manipulative bastard back then. I bet he'd kill you as soon as look at you now to guarantee I never learn what you know. Care to bet your life on it?"

"Your mother was the kindest, warmest girl I ever knew." Slughorn wiped at a tear on his cheek "I wonder how she would react knowing what a hard, heartless person her son became."

Harry lashed out, magically flinging him into a wall. Then ran up, and seized the professor by his lapels "If I was, Bellatrix would still be screaming. No, I won't Crucio you. But since you brought her up, what would Lily Evans think if she knew what a coward you are? If you don't care about that, think of yourself. What could The-Boy-Who-Lived do to your reputation. But don't think too long."

Abcij

"Bloody hell Harry!" Exclaimed Ron.

Hermione overlapped him "What happened in there?"

"You heard?" he demanded.

They both shook their heads "Only saw. Harry! You attacked a teacher!"

"He has information that can stop Voldemort." Replied Harry "Hermione, see if our buddy Rita might be interested in an article. Don't offer many details, can do?"


	205. Chapter 205:Cut It Off

**[a/n]** Not for the easily queasy.

 **Harry Does Different CCV**

Cut It Off

"I have to be the one to drink the poison, Harry. My life is already all but over." Albus Dumbledore told the boy who was the nearest thing he had to an apprentice. His tone was utterly compassionate, yet as final as fate and punctuated with showing his blackened right hand.

Harry was horrified "What did you do sir!?"

"The curse of hubris, Harry." Dumbledore bemoaned "No, not an obscure magical curse, simply the failing of an old man too sure of himself. Tom used the powerful artifact that could have made him immortal without splitting his soul. I pursued it all my life to speak to my dead sister. We were BOTH wrong. Tom's horcrux is slowly killing me. Professor Snape estimates I will not see the end of the year."

Face morphing to anger, Harry growled "Well Snape's an idiot!"

"WE have talked about that multiple times. I trust PROFESSOR Snape absolutely. And with ample reason that I will not discuss and do NOT require your approval of." This was an adult scolding a small boy.

Harry quashed the rebelliousness with supreme effort "This has nothing to do with trust. If YOU don't know everything, then HE certainly doesn't. You're what? Five times his age? Did you even ask for help? Or look in the Restricted Section?"

"And what would you suggest, Harry?" he asked mildly.

The teen scratched his hair quite violently "You know me. Send Hermione to the library. Wait! Did you ask Madam Pomfrey? And dont…err… isn't Fawkes still around?"

"Miss Granger is a formidable intellect." Dumbledore allowed with a condescending tone " But I remind you of your own remark, Severus is twice your age. If he and I have no answer, what can a couple NEWTless students offer?"

Angry, furious! In fact! Harry snarled at him "Well cut the bloody thing off then!"

"An interesting idea, Harry." Replied Dumbledore, eyebrows disappearing under his hat "Interesting indeed. And since you suggested it, you will of course, be glad to carry out the action?"

Struck by fear, he blinked "Oh! No sir! I'm just a kid!"

"You have repeatedly told me otherwise." Countered Dumbledore icily "Especially when blaming me, with some justification, for your premature maturity. Again, you are here, now is the time … in fact three months ago would have been better. And you did pledge to follow my orders in this endeavor." He walked over to the shelf and brought the Sword of Gryffindor out of the Sorting Hat, handing it to the boy.

Harry gave an ugly glare and declared "I hate you _sir_!" Snatched it, gripping the blade.

"That is, perhaps, for the best. Now obey me." The old wizard disrobed down to his bare chest, knelt between boy and desk. He cast a restraining spell on his arm, immobilizing it on the desk. Then closed his eyes and commanded "One clean hard straight blow. Professor Snape noted the curse just above the elbow. It is likely higher than that beneath the skin. I suggest halfway to the shoulder. Fawkes, do not interfere. Harry is acting for the best."

Ignoring his own blood on the blade, overwhelmed by the enormity of what was being asked of him, Harry swung it around and gripped the sword properly. He looked at the placid, expressionless face and groused "I'll never forgive you for this." Then went about complying. He spun the blade smoothly, brought it to within inches of the exposed limb and visually marked his point of aim. After a couple experimental swings, he measured a last time, then cried out "AUUUGGGGGGHHH!" and struck with all his might.

It was a true and perfect slice. The Sword of Gryffindor passed clean through flesh and bone and flesh, like a hot knife through room temperature butter. Albus had never felt anything like it. Pain beyond pain. He would have screamed, but that relief was denied him. A timeless period of pain, or was it endless. Albus ignored his own crashing to the floor, and the detached limb flopping all over.

Every part of the Headmaster's office, floor, ceiling, walls, door and the wizards themselves, was sprayed with blood. Fighting his own nausea, Harry commanded "Come Fawkes!" and then he wrestled the writhing Dumbledore so the ancient bird could cry into the still gushing wound.

"I feel ten years younger. Well done Harry. No twenty." Albus struggled to prop himself against his desk "But I do not recommend that as a standard procedure. Most unpleasant, my boy. Now kindly help me up so we can get started on the real battle."

Harry fought with tears and admitted "I don't hate you sir. But never ask me to do anything like that again. And don't you think you should rest a bit?"

"Perhaps a nap is in order." The old wizard acknowledged tiredly "I do have a rather unpleasant task for you, then. There can be no evidence in this room of what just occurred. You catch my meaning?"

Harry transfigured a chair into an adequate bed, then helped Dumbledore into it. In seconds he was for all practical purposes alone in the room. He looked around, retched, and sobbed silently for several minutes. Then he got to work, first using a fire spell to reduce the detached limb to ash, soon not a trace existed of flesh, bone or blood. He even cleaned Fawkes' feathers. After another round of sobs, Harry also fell asleep.


	206. Chapter 206:What Is This Nonsense

**[a/n0]** Major theme of #205's reviews. What about the basilisk venom in the SoG? Well it was only in contact with Dumbledore for the fraction of a second it took to amputate the arm. And Fawkes was able to heal Harry easily enough in CoS. I must admit, these are answers to a question I did not even think of until after the fact.

 **[a/n]** Now for something on the lite side. How does the REAL Boy-Who-Lived react to Fanfiction?

 **Harry Does Different CCVI**

What Is This Nonsense

"Ms. Rowling? That _gentleman_ is asking to see you." Announced the private secretary to the world famous author.

Looking up from a rough draft of her current mystery work under Robert Galbraith with a slightly amused look and quipped "Hello Pete. How's your day going? Would you send out for lunch? I'm feeling fast food today, how about Burger King?"

"As you say ma'am." He replied, curtly "You know and I know you know whom I am referring to."

Joanne now gave a tolerantly annoyed smile "I do. Now I've never been clear exactly what you have against him of ALL people."

"He is …forgive me… entirely too familiar." Answered Pete "Forgive me for saying, but he is neither a relative by blood nor by marriage. He shows little respect for your security and the important responsibility that is."

She gave a serious nod, unable to reveal the truth "Pete, I understand your concerns. Truly. But I knew Gary before I became the famous JKR. I know there are real threats out there, but Gary is not one of them. As for his …familiarity… I am only answerable to my husband there. Now, please, clear him to the main entrance…then, you personally, show him to the living room."

"Yes ma'am." Replied Pete with a half-bow of the castigated employee reluctantly following an employer's bad orders.

Abcij

Gary Porter stood 6 foot, plus a smidge. And there he stood in, arguably, the living room of the most famous living author. His visits have always been friendly, and if a goblin concern might be discussed, highly profitable. Gary and several of his friends were exceedingly wealthy because of Joanne, and vice versa. Today, however, Gary Porter was a very annoyed wizard. That didn't change his usual friendliness "Hi Jo, long time no see."

"Well I can't pop all over the country like you lot." She quipped, giving a warm embrace "I do wish you would visit more often. The staff doesn't much like strangers."

He took the rebuke lightly "Specifically a certain Petey, right? He never has liked me. But, I have a long list of complaints from friends, and from enemies … well lawyers of enemies, actually … to discuss."

"Sounds serious." She acknowledged "What's on your mind."

His face twisted into what was both a smile and a frown "The Wizarding World is beginning to join the 21st century."

"That is somewhat vague?" Joanne looked for more.

He chortled sourly "Specifically. The internet. To be exact, have you heard of www dot fanfiction dot net?"

"Oh dear." Groaned Joanne, quite loudly.

He cocked an eyebrow, pulled his wand and unshrunk a stack of paper that, once full-sized, reached his waist "Oh dear is right. Although it's been presented to Muggles as fiction, the Harry Potter books are an autobiography. Don, Jenny and Henrietta are real people. Far be it from me, to defend terrorists, but I think I see Cooper's point on some of these."

"Let me start." She held up a hand "You know how I, Time Warner, Bloomsbury and Scholastic have defended EVERY infringement that has come down the pike. From the big ones like the Chinese ripping off The Hobbit and using your pseudonyms to little things like the security guard who stole a bunch of first release Halfblood Prince books."

Gary nodded "But this isn't the same thing!"

"We took a couple of hits too. The worst from that 15-year old girl publicly crying on an interview show about being bullied." She interrupted his thought "Fanfiction serves its purpose. And do you know what the biggest problem is?"

Shaking his head "No."

"Would you like to go on worldwide news with me, introduce yourself as the real man on whom The-Boy-Who-Lived is based and do a few magic tricks, like you just did?" her question in a tone that barely required answer.

Gary rolled his eyes "The Statute of Secrecy is very real. I told you that the day I introduced myself. What has this to do with this?" he waved and at the paper pile.

"There are two points that I considered." She began explaining "The fact is as far as everyone who read them knows, Harry Potter is a fictional character. That's why I had to jump through legal hoops to prove I had no knowledge of things like T _he Adventures of Willy the Wizard,_ or the Harry Potter Jr. who defeated a troll in San Francisco. Would've taken one interview with you to kill those lawsuits. Change all the names in the books Gary Porter, Don and Jenny Weselly, Cooper Tutone."

Gary conceded "I see that. Bad idea, in too many ways."

"The other is connected to that girl I mentioned." Joanne went on, she took an old paperback book off a shelf "Anne Rice wrote a story in 1968 about a vampire named Louis du Pont du Lac. In the 1990s the three books she later wrote were made into movies like the Potter series and became huge successes."

He sighed, not liking where it seemed to be going "The point?"

"Ms. Rice, whom I have met a couple times, was ultimately successful with pressuring enough of these fanfiction sites into pulling stories based on her characters off their webpages. No page, to my knowledge, supports them. The one you're talking about, expressly forbids it. Sales of her series have dropped a great deal." She didn't look especially happy when adding "See my point?"

Gary blinked for a second, shook his head, then said "Right. I'll get back to THAT. One thing at a time, Jo. I understand the copyright issues you shut down. I guess I forgive the kid, but what's the point?"

"The difference is no one who writes on these sites makes money." She explained "It doesn't cost you, me or any of the companies I deal with anything. It would cost money to shut this down. Both in court costs and, longer term, future sales. Fans like doing this."

Gary nodded in acceptance of the explanation, but then said "Right. But hold a tic. You said sites? With an ess? As in plural? How many are there? With how many stories?"

"I can't begin to guess, Gar." She admitted with a little worry "Some fans post their story to multiple sites. They're also in every country from here to Japan and back. Every language from Afrikaans to Zulu."

Gary paled but couldn't help pushing "Thousands?"

"Of sites? No." Joanne was now decidedly worried "Millions likely. Last time someone told me, fanfiction dot net had over fifty thousand Harry Potter stories alone."

abcij

Gary Porter slept on Ms. Rowling's couch for the next two hours, when he woke, he was admitted to her private office, by an unapproving Pete. He silenced the room just in case he felt a need to shout and demanded "Billions of stories?"

"Well, like I said, there's SOME copying." Joanne acknowledged the fact somewhat reluctantly "But that wasn't all that was on your mind?"

He shook his head "It's the categories of some that bother at least some of my friends. Me too, truth be told, I don't care what someone does with someone else…male or female… but there seems to be a whole lot of gay stories about Harry. Since you made the Malfoy family more resemble me, that's really disturbing. Besides I wouldn't touch Cooper with a 50 meter Hippgryff prod. Henrietta, Don too, was highly distressed by everyone setting Hermione up with Snape. Jen killed a computer after she read a VERY explicit one between Ginny and Arthur."

"I see your point, Gary." Joanne was trying very hard not to laugh "Tell me you find SOME good SOMEWHERE."

The true Boy-Who-Lived couldn't help a sheepish, self-deprecating smile "Well, Susan was portrayed by a really cute youngster, grew up hot too. Don't tell Jen I said that. Some have a valid point about my lack-of-backbone. And one idea I enjoyed is suing allegedly former terrorists. **[a/n]See #81** Came out of what they call a one-shot series."

"Ahh, someone not writing a full story." The author explained as much to herself "You just take one event and give it a quick twist that does not lead to a novel length tale. Well? After all this, what do you want me to do?"

Scratching his head, Gary admitted "Not a clue, Jo, to be honest. Not a bloody clue. And, Merlin, one day…probably soon… the kids are going to be poking around the internet."

"Doesn't Jen's oldest brother have a teenage daughter?" asked Jo, with an almost smirk.

With that, a panicked look flashed across Gary's face and he popped out of the room.

The world famous author rolled her eyes and speaking to empty air "Now how am I going to explain how he got out of a third floor room with exactly one door?"


	207. Chapter 207:Dudley Demented

**[a/n]** What if Harry's 'saving people thing' wasn't quite as strong?

 **Harry Does Different CCVII**

Dudley Demented

"Who's Cedric, Potter?" Piers lumbered up to the swingset followed by the rest of the crew.

Dudley fakingly half-fainted "He's my boyfriend and they killed him! That right, Potter? Someone kill your boyfriend? Flaming fag."

"If I'm one it's because of where I grew up." Harry taunted back as he smoothly leapt from the swing, landing on his feet in front of his tormenters, not caring what happens next.

For long moments, the gang egged each other forward … gathering courage to take him apart. Then the weather changed. The sky darkened in the middle of the afternoon and the temperature dropped by twenty degrees. And was still dropping.

"What're you doing Potter?" shouted Dudley accusingly.

Harry looked around, subtly drew his wand and put it against his wrist. Within a minute he recognized the sensations and commanded "Don't just stand there! Dud! Polkiss! Run! Get home!" Not looking back, he sprinted through the playground and over Wisteria Ln.

"POTTER! WHAT THE HELL!" screamed Uncle Vernon, up the steps.

Harry slammed his bedroom door shut and opened Hedwig's cage "I'll do all I can to protect you." He panted "But if things get cold, fly for Sirius!" _SQWAWK!_

It was hours later that the consequences of this presented themselves, in the form of Aurors and Obliviators on Privet Dr. included in the group was Mr. Weasley who called "Come on out Harry! Everything is under control!"

"Coming!" Harry called back after seeing his friend's father. He ran down the stairs, ignoring his aunt's commands. But things weren't quite as under control as believed. Harry opened the door and gasped "Dudley? Malcolm?"

They had grey, sunken faces and were walking aimlessly in the general direction of Vernon's car. At least until they heard Harry. The pair turned and staggered toward the front door.

"MY DUDDERS!" wailed Petunia, shoving her nephew out of her way and right into her son's arms. Whereupon the distressed woman was bit on the cheek. She screamed in pain as the flesh was torn so deeply the teeth were exposed.

Every nearby wizard yelled " **INFERI**!" And five spells hit the creatures.

"TUNI! DUDLEY!" Vernon screamed and with vengeance in his eyes, attacked his nephew "BLOODY FREAKS!"

A spell stopped the assault after the third punch bloodied Harry's nose. Arthur pulled him to his feet "Alright there, lad?"

"Had worse." Said Harry, wiping off blood, then reporting "It was Dementors. They attacked the playground around the block. I guess they didn't get away."

Arthur called out "NOT INFERNI! SOULLESS! CALL IN SOME PATRONUS CASTORS! STANDARD MUGGLE PROCEDURE! Come on, Harry, I'll get you to hq."


	208. Chapter 208:Sirius Escapes

**[a/n0]** A little clarity from last time. We've never really seen a human post-dementor, either movie or book. My imagery came from mostly The Walking Dead series.

 **[a/n]** The beginning of this came from another ff story. Just forgot which one.

 **Harry Does Different CCVIII**

Sirius Escapes

"Now, please, Minister, these children need care. Please leave –

The door opened again. It was Dumbledore. Ginny swallowed her mouthful and got up again but was instantly pushed down again by Madam Pomfrey.

"Professor Dumbledore, Sirius Black –

"For heavens sake!" said Madam Pomfrey hysterically "is this the hospital wing or not? Headmaster, I must insist –

"My apologies, Poppy, but I need a word with Mr Potter, Mr. Weasley and Miss granger" said Dumbledore calmly "I've been talking to Sirius Black –

"I suppose he told you the same fairy tale he planted in Potter's mind?" spat Snape "something about a rat, and Pettigrew being alive –

"That, indeed, is Mr. Black's story" said Dumbledore, surveying Snape closely through his half-moon spectacles.

"And does my evidence count for nothing?" snarled Snape. "Peter Pettigrew was not in the shrieking shack, nor did I see any sign of him in the grounds"

"That's because you were knocked out, professor!" said Hermione earnestly "you didn't arrive in time to hear –

"Miss Granger, HOLD YOUR TONGUE!"

"Now Snape" said Fudge, startled "the young lady is disturbed in her mind, we must make allowances –

"I would like to speak to Harry, Ginny, and Hermione alone" said Dumbledore abruptly. "Cornelius, Severus, Poppy – please leave us."

"Headmaster!" spluttered Madam Pomfrey "they need treatment, they need rest –

"This cannot wait" said Dumbledore "I must insist"

Madam Pomfrey pursed her lips and strode away into her office at the end of the ward, slamming her door behind her. Fudge consulted the large gold watch dangling from his waistcoat.

"The dementors should have arrived by now" he said. "I'll go and meet them. Dumbledore, I'll see you upstairs."

He crossed to the door and held it open for Snape, but Snape hadn't moved.

"You surely don't believe a word of Black's story?" Snape whispered his eyes fixed on Dumbledore's face.

"I wish to speak to Harry, Ginny, and Ron alone" Dumbledore repeated

Snape took a step towards Dumbledore.

"Sirius Black showed he was capable of murder at the age of sixteen" he breathed "you haven't forgotten that, headmaster? You haven't forgotten that he once tried to kill me?"

"My memory is as good as it ever was, Severus" said Dumbledore quietly

Snape turned his heel and marched through the door Fudge was still holding. It closed behind them and Dumbledore turned to the three of them. They burst into speech at the same time.

"Professor, Black's telling the truth – we saw Pettigrew –

"- He escaped when Professor Lupin turned into a werewolf –

"- He's a rat –

"- Pettigrew's front paw, I mean finger, he cut it off –

"- Pettigrew attacked Ron, it wasn't Sirius-

But Dumbledore held up his hand to stem the flood of explanations.

"It is your turn to listen, and I beg you will not interrupt me, because there is little time" he said quietly "there is not a shred of proof to support Black's story, except your word – and the word of two thirteen year olds and one twelve year old will not convince anybody. A Street full of eye-witnesses swore they saw Sirius murder Pettigrew. I myself gave evidence to the ministry that Sirius had been the Potters' secret-keeper."

"Professor Lupin can tell you -" Harry said unable to stop himself.

"Professor Lupin is currently deep in the forest, unable to tell anyone anything. By the time he is a human again, it will be too late, Sirius will be worse than dead. I might add that werewolves are so mistrusted by most of our kind that his support will count for very little – and the fact that he and Sirius are old friends –

"But –

"Listen to me, Harry. It's too late, you understand me? You must see that professor Snape's version of events is far more convincing than yours"

"He hates Sirius" Hermione said desperately "all because of some stupid trick Sirius played on him –

"Sirius has not acted like an innocent man. The attack on the fat lady – entering Gryffindor tower with a knife – without Pettigrew, alive or dead, we have no chance of overturning Sirius' sentence."

"But you believe us"

"Yes I do" said Dumbledore quietly "but I have no power to make other men to see the truth or to overrule the Minister for magic…"

Harry stared up into the grave face and felt as though the ground beneath him was falling sharply away. He had grown used to the idea that Dumbledore could solve anything. He had expected Dumbledore to pull some amazing solution out of the air. But no…their last hope was gone.

"What we need" said Dumbledore slowly, and his light-blue eyes moved from Harry to Hermione, "is more time"

"but-" Hermione began. And then her eyes became very round "OH!"

"Now, pay attention" said Dumbledore, speaking very low, and very clearly. "Sirius is locked in professor Flitwick's office on the seventh floor. Thirteenth window from the right of the west tower. If all goes well, you will be able to save more than one innocent life tonight. But remember this both of you. You must not be seen. Miss Granger, you know the law – you know what is at stake… you – must – not – be – seen."

Before Dumbledore turned he said "I want Miss Weasley to stay here, just in case" and he started to walk towards the door, when he reached the door he turned to look at Hermione.

"I am going to lock you in. it is-" he consulted his watch. "Five minutes to midnight. Miss Granger, three turns should do it. Good luck."

"Good luck?" Harry repeated as the door closed behind Dumbledore. "Three turns? What's he talking about? What are we supposed to do?"

"Your guess is good as mine, Harry" Ginny mumbled "I wish I could go"

"You might get in the way" Hermione said pulling a very long and gold chain out of her robe. "This job is probably for only two people – and, well, I have this and it involves Harry… so –

"So I stay here" Ginny finished "just save Sirius, kill Pettigrew or even Snape, not bothered which"

Harry chuckled and quickly kissed her forehead. Hermione threw the chain round Harry's neck and turned the strange thing three times. Then they disappeared.

Ginny settled back into bed and was just about to help herself to more chocolate when the door banged open and in came Hermione and Harry panting.

"Wow that was quick, what happened? Is Sirius safe? Did you actually kill Snape?"

Before Harry or Hermione could answer, Madam Pomfrey came in and pulled them into the bed, mumbling about cursing Snape, Fudge and Dumbledore. They accepted the chocolate and tried to hide their smiles.

"Come on guys, what happened?" Ginny begged

"Well-

Harry was interrupted by a scream coming from upstairs.

"What was that?" said Madam Pomfrey in alarm.

Now they could hear angry voices, growing louder and louder. Madam Pomfrey was staring at the door.

"Really – they'll wake everybody up! What do they think they're doing?"

Harry was trying to hear what the voices were saying. They were drawing nearer-

"He must have disapparated, Severus; we should have left somebody in the room with him. When this gets out –

"HE DIDN'T DISAPPARATE" Snape roared, now very close at hand. "YOU CAN'T APPARATE OR DISAPPARATE INSIDE THIS CASTLE! THIS – HAS – SOMETHING – TO – DO – WITH – POTTER!"

"Severus – be reasonable – Harry has been locked up-

BAM.

The door of the hospital wing burst open.

Fudge, Snape and Dumbledore came striding into the ward. Dumbledore alone looked calm. Indeed, he looked as though he was enjoying himself. Fudge appeared angry. But Snape was beside himself.

"OUT WITH IT, POTTER!" he bellowed "WHAT DID YOU DO?"

"Professor Snape!" shrieked Madam Pomfrey. "Control yourself!"

"See here, Snape, be reasonable" said Fudge "this door's been locked, we just saw –

"THEY HELPED HIM ESCAPE, I KNOW IT!" Snape howled pointing at Harry and Hermione. His face was twisted; spit was flying from his mouth.

"Calm down, man!" Fudge barked "you're talking nonsense!"

"YOU DON'T KNOW POTTER!" Shrieked Snape "HE DID IT, I KNOW HE DID IT –

"That will do, Severus" said Dumbledore quietly "think about what you are saying. This door has been locked since I left the ward ten minutes ago. Madam Pomfrey, have these students left their beds?"

"Of course not!" said Madam Pomfrey bristling "I've been with them ever since you left!"

"Well, there you have it, Severus" said Dumbledore calmly. "Unless you are suggesting that Harry and Hermione are able to be in two places at once, I'm afraid I don't see any point in troubling them further"

Snape stood there, seething, staring from Fudge, who looked thoroughly shocked at his behaviour, to Dumbledore, whose eyes were twinkling behind his glasses, Snape whirled about, robes swishing behind him, and stormed out of the ward.

"I helped Sirius escape!" Harry announced boldly "I know he's innocent and I'm proud of it!"


	209. Chapter 209:Amos' Earful

**Harry Does Different CCIX**

Amos' Earful

"So how are we getting there?" Harry asked Ginny as they walked hand in hand.

"We're taking a Portkey" Ginny said "but it's a bit of a walk away."

"What's a Portkey?" Harry asked

"It's a method of travelling. You touch a certain object and it would take you to a certain destination" Ginny said

"What kind of object?" Harry asked

"Jeeze, I don't know all sorts, cans, mouldy socks anything a muggle wouldn't touch" Ginny said

"Arthur! Over here, we found the Portkey"

Harry and Ginny followed Mr Weasley who ran towards a man with an egg shaped head holding on to a moldy boot.

"Hello Amos" Mr Weasley said

"All right Arthur? Blimey it's early" Amos said cheerfully "woke up about two, but it's worth it, rather part with my right arm than miss this, then again it almost did cost my right arm. All of these yours?"

"What? Nah, only the redheads, this is Hermione Granger and Harry Potter, Ron's friends"

"Blimey, Harry Potter? My Cedric's told me all about you. Told me about that match and how he beat you, I told him, that's something to tell the grandkids"

"Daaaaaaaaad" Cedric groaned turning a faint pink "I told you it was the dementors"

"Yes but you didn't fall of your broom did you?" Amos said ruffling his son's hair.

"Yes, well, Cedric's never had his parents murdered by Voldemort did he?" Harry snarled, not liking the man at all. He had no animus toward the Hufflepuff Seeker like with Draco Malfoy, but this was over the top. Harry stepped in front of Amos and poked him in the chest demanding "So where were you while Voldemort was killing my parents? Under your bed, I bet?"

There was no further movement among the group. A couple hearts paused between beats. Hermione and Ginny, both of whom were rather taken with the older boy, had decidedly mixed feelings about the sudden confrontation.

Cedric actually had considerable respect for his Quidditch opponent, but "Watch it, Potter. That's my father you're pushing." He made a show of pushing up his sleeves and stepped forward menacingly.

"Hold, hold, hold!" ordered Mr. Weasley sternly. Then he, followed by his sons, inserted themselves between Harry and the Diggorys. "Kindly remember, we are going to the World Cup."

Blood in his ears, Harry snapped "Maybe you'll learn enough to beat me without Dementors, Ceddie."

"Harry!" Hermione's voice lashed out "Take the testosterone down a notch!"

He spared her a look, snorted and flicked a rude, dismissive gesture at the Diggorys "They started it. No big deal, really. He's got all season to TRY to get the Snitch. Maybe I'll play blindfolded…make it fair."

"Bloody hell!" Fred and George echoed with expressions of awe.

Mr. Diggory declared frostily "I think it wise we find separate portkeys home, Arthur."

"Come on Amos." Argued Arthur in a sunny tone "Don't make a dragon out of a pygmy puff."

Ron rubbed his friend's shoulders and suggested "Let it go, Harry. Not worth it."

"Got that right." Acknowledged Harry, offering a mocking salute and suggesting "Come to the games this year Amos. Watch your little boy lose every time."

This really got Cedric ruffled, he pushed through the twins to Harry and growled in his face "You don't stand a chance, Potter. This'll be Gryffindor's worst year in a century."

"I'd say we are in agreement, Amos." Mr. Weasley finally agreed, less than politely concluding "We'll not see each other during the Cup I think."

Abcij

Taking him aside in the tent after the US vs Israel match, Mr. Weasley sighed "Right. Harry, I'm not your father, nor would I try to replace him ***sigh*** help me understand what happened this morning."

"You heard him, sir." Replied the teen, sullenly.

Shaking his head, the older wizard said "Not what I mean., Harry. We all know WHAT was said. And by and large, Amos Diggory has been a good friend over the years. I would rather not have a hostile neighbor, but if I must, I deserve to understand why."

"Fair enough, Mr. Weasley." Harry acknowledged "Diggory was gloating how his precious boy beat me … exactly once … in three years. He's three years older! And that only because it was the one game a Dementor nearly got my soul. Well if he thinks THAT is something to be bragging about he deserves everything I said. And, sir, I'm sorry if that costs you a friend, but don't intend to apologize for it EVER. Nor do I want an apology from him or Cedric. If you want me to leave, I'll check into the Leaky Cauldron … first thing, tomorrow."

Arthur was set on his heels by the speech that came from the normally unloquacious boy. He and Molly both considered him a raven-haired Weasley, but wanted not to specifically say it to avoid embarrassing Harry, which it would. So they just showed it whenever they could. And parents always held a secret pride when a child declared independence. He nodded and replied "I do not think that will be necessary, Harry. I will ask that you not seek out another confrontation, particularly when we are back in Ottery St. Catchpole."

"That I can promise, Mr. Weasley." The younger wizard promised "But I won't back down."

To that the elder nodded "Not-that is, I -would prefer you avoid conflict if at all possible."

"I said I'll try." Harry was just a little curt and that ended the conversation.


	210. Chapter 210:Amazeing Hangleton

**[a/n]Amos may deserve thorough bashings, Cedric less so.**

 **Harry Does Different CCX**

Amazeing Hangleton

"Fleur? Ced? Viktor?" Harry huddled with his fellow Champions while the crowd whooped and screamed for their favorite. "Listen everyone I talked to has been warning me this is some kind of crazy plot or trap. And all these silly rules? That no one even obeys. Haven't you three noticed?"

They nodded in agreement and waited.

"Here's what I think we should do." He spoke below the roar "Link up as soon as we enter, go through it together and get to the center. Anything that comes against all four of us, when they're only setting traps for one, it won't stand a chance."

Fleur was the first to agree "I failed zee lake test and you rescued my seesteer. I follow you Harry Potter."

"Teamwork is very Hufflepuff." Offered Cedric.

Harry faux whispered "The Hat wanted to put me in Slytherin, but I told it I wanted to hide my cunning." Then he gave an exaggerated wink.

"I too like zis plan." Agreed Viktor.

Traps designed to challenge lone participants were unable to stop the group. They traveled through the maze in record time, covering each other's backs and trusting another to do likewise. The most dangerous moment came when Professor Moody flew into the maze and attempted to curse Viktor. Harry blocked the Unforgivable with a fistful leaves torn from the hedges. Stunners lashed out Fleur and Viktor, catching him. Cedric fired a series of ropes that all but mummified the attacker. At the Cup, they all approached, nodded in agreement and grabbed it as one.

abcij

"A portkey!" all the older contestants declared instantly.

Harry's eyes snapped around and his pulse tripled "Been here before! Everyone wands out!"

"I don't like this. I don't like this at all." Said Cedric, pulling his wand.

Harry suddenly yelled and pushed his hand into his forehead.

"Kill the spare!" a cruel high-pitched voice commanded, followed by " _Avada Kedavra_!"

Fleur threw herself at Cedric, tackling him. The death curse splattered itself on the wall above their heads. The Hufflepuff showed utter terror, but nodded a thanks at the Veela, and rolled to a crouch. Fleur did a gymnastic pirouette in the opposite direction.

" _Imperio_!" Viktor Krum didn't just learn Defense, he learned to USE Dark Arts from his Headmaster. And he didn't hesitate in a life or death situation. The struggle for domination went on for several seconds.

It was the time Harry needed " _Expelliarmus_!" And Voldemort's wand went flying out of Pettigrew's hand. He followed up with a stunner that blasted both the fat wizard and his bundle into a gravestone. Wand trained and a curse on his lips, he approached, kicked Pettigrew over and almost vomited "What IS that THING?"

"A homunculus." Answered Viktor instantly, stepping close, his wand as ready "We should kill it!"

The sickly green thing moved, pushing its way free of Pettigrew, still that high-pitched voice "Idiot Wormtail! Ruin all my carefully laid plans. Any of you! Join me and I will reward you with power! Riches! Whatever you want!"

"Does not look powerful to me." Observed Viktor with disgust. He raised his foot and stomped on a misshapen leg. Fleur and Cedric both picked up rocks.

Harry shook his head "No! All of you! We take BOTH of them back to Hogwarts!" he snatched up the homunculus violently "See if this doesn't free Sirius. _Accio_ Cup!" magical object flew into his hand and all six vanished from the cemetery.

Abcij

With the explosion of light, the stands erupted in music and cheers. On and on the band played. But the closest spectators noticed unexpected things of the arrival. For one…there was MORE than one. And what was Harry holding, people wanted to know, that wasn't quite human?

"RELEASE ME AT ONCE, POTTER! OR I WILL KILL EVERYONE YOU HAVE EVER LOVED!" screeched the least human creature. It fought and twisted around without much success.

Harry wasn't at all sympathetic. He violently shook the baby-sized thing and clamped a hand on its throat, squeezing, then harshly "Dumbledore! Look who I got!"

"Help me please! These thugs-!" the one on the ground suddenly whimpered.

Viktor, having seen in his mind and most disgusted, gave a swift kick to the kidneys and ordered "Silent fat one, or I vill kick harder!"

"What is going on?!" demanded an angry voice "I demand to know immediately! What is going on?!"

Harry struggled with the not-baby, slapping and squeezing its throat, managing to grit out …after pulling a finger from its mouth…that is "We caught Pettigrew and this THING is Voldemort! BLOODY! Stop that or I'll slam you into a rock!"

"Ridiculous! He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is dead." Blustered Fudge "Fourteen years now. Stupid lying boy!" Those were the last words he ever spoke. For Harry's momentary distraction allowed the homunculus enough of a respite to break free and rip out the Minister for Magic's vocal cords. It then leapt on Dumbledore.

Hagrid jumped to his mentor's defense, literally tearing the homunculus in half with all of his part-giant strength. Dumbledore was left nursing a wounded left side.

"Turn over!" Harry jabbed a toe into Wormtail's spleen, after assuring himself the headmaster was being treated "Professor McGonagall? Can you identify this man?"

The Head of Gryffindor looked away from her boss, blinked in shock "Peter Pettigrew! But Black murdered him!"

"No he didn't!" Harry stomped on a knee "My Godfather is innocent. And didn't betray my parents. This castle has a dungeon, does it have some real secure cells?"


	211. Chapter 211:Repossesed

**Harry Does Different CCXI**

Repossesed

"I killed Sirius Bla-ack!" a gleeful Bellatrix Lestrange danced through Ministry corridors delighting in her victory over the blood traitor.

A furious Harry Potter spotted her and fired " _Crucio_!"

"Well done Harry! Well done!" the Dark Lord appeared and mockingly bowed to the boy "Now maybe you'll consider joining me?"

The spell was inconsistent and unfocused, then totally lost in the shock of seeing, again, his worst enemy. Bellatrix propelled herself into the floo network and was gone. There was, then, a duel which ended in a draw, between Voldemort and Dumbledore.

"The boy is mine." the Dark Lord's voice echoed throughout the room, coming from the lips of The-Boy-Who-Lived. His eyes glowed red as he jerkily stood, aimed his wand at Dumbledore and fired. One eye returned to its normal green, spoiling the aim, the spell destroyed a floo alcove. "You will have to kill him to expel me."

"Kill me." Harry gritted out a plea, his eyes flickering from red to green. Then his body went slack, everyone saw it. For the teen, a battle for control had barely begun. Nor did he have a sense of how much time passed. By the time the battle was over Harry found himself in utter control of Voldemort's mind.

Abcij

In a luxurious foyer, the Dark Lord appeared and promptly slumped to the floor. This shocked his most loyal, most powerful Death Eaters. However the collapse was brief and He was on His feet berating them "Well! What are you lot staring at? Couldn't even beat a bunch of CHILDREN? Left me to face Dumbledore and an army of Aurors alone!"

"Master?" Bellatrix knelt and kissed His robe "I killed the Blood Traitor Black."

Snarling, Voldemort kicked the prostrated witch in the head "I'll not forget that _Avada Kedavra_!" The witch's body flew across the room shattering a decorative mirror. "Lucius! Your arm!"

"My Lord." He bared his forearm and the snake on it glowed malevolently, especially when stabbed by His wand. The lord of the castle repressed a howl of agony. You didn't hold a place of power by showing weakness. He stood after only a few moments and mentally dropped the anti-apparation wards. His foyer thronged with Death Eaters, Lucius bowed deeply at the waist and declared "We are all yours to command."

Voldemort smiled, an odd expression for the Dark Lord, then slowly paced through the foyer "Your Lord is most displeased with your performance. Observe the reward this one earned for her cowardice." He seized a handful of Bella's hair and yanked the body halfway off the floor.

"My Lord!" exclaimed a minor Death Eater "She was your most powerful supporter!"

Snarling hate, Voldemort's wand flashed green " _Avada Kedavra_!" and she crumpled to the floor dead.

"That was my Mum!" two others protested, twins barely out of Hogwarts and just newly marked.

The Dark Lord turned his wand on the pair and both were dead seconds later. Exactly what happened after that is rather murky but 27 Death Eaters soon littered Malfoy Castle. But not least of which was He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named himself.

Abcij

"Oh Harry!" exclaimed a missile of brown hair "It's been almost a week! What happened?"

Despite the pain in his chest, caused mostly by said impact, he comforted her "All fine, really. Never better in fact. Honest. Heya, mate, been in a bit of a state, in't she?"

"Mum's worse and you oughta see Ginny." That and a slap on the shoulder was all the emotion Ron would acknowledge.

Harry nodded and rather flicked his head "May as well send in the inquisitors."

"Oh Mr. Potter! You will stay in bed until further notice." Madam Pomfrey scolded.

She, however, could not argue at the entry of her boss who said "Poppy, in a bit. A great many details are unanswered and I believe only young Harry can offer the details needed to resolve a great many people's concerns. Would you mind terribly?" his pointed question was directed at the patient.

"Be happy to, Albus." Said Harry, silencing Hermione's chastisement with a look "Right. When last I was awake, my pal Tom and me were in each other's heads. Seems I won that argument. Did more than push the bastard out, took over and kicked HIM out, then I dished out death which they ate."

They all looked at each other, then Dumbledore spoke the main question "What are you saying Harry?"

"I killed as many of those tattooed lowlifes as I could in their master's body." Harry had a celebratory expression "I didn't think I needed to spell it out for you. Tom possessed me. Since you wouldn't kill me, I reversed the effect, I was the stronger. It took what seemed like days but I won. I had something to hold onto and I wouldn't let him hurt anyone I cared about. They say the Killing Curse doesn't hurt and maybe it didn't for my parents or Cedric, but when you're possessing someone and that spell hit's who you're possessing. I felt Tom's soul literally get torn from the body. It was very tiring. Think I still need a naaaaaaaaaaap." **YAWWWWWWWWN**


End file.
